10. Legion of Superheroes- The future of superheroes in the DC universe were originally best pals with Superman and lived strictly by the codes and morals he set down. The team is insanely vast with a cast that rivals G.I Joe, all with a set of unique powers from magnetism to eating matter, meaning a character for everyone.

9. Moon Knight- Though Moon Knight has been accused of being Marvel’s Batman, the character has recently been treated to Marvel’s top writers, giving him a chance to prove he’s so much more. Though he doesn’t have the most child-friendly origin story, the character has a unique motif and an array of vehicles and gadgets which would capture a child’s imagination from a bow and arrows to escape pods.

8- Ultimate Captain Marvel- Although it may be the most used name in the comics industry, I believe there’s only one that would make one of the grossest figures ever. To give a little background, the Ultimate imprint is a separate line of comics published by Marvel in a different universe where popular heroes like Spider-man are re-imagined. This version of Captain Marvel is equipped with surgical modifications to help him look more human but is usually transformed into a bigger, meaner form equipped with massive blaster cannons. The perfect feature for a toy. !

7. YU-GI-OH! GX Heroes card series- The choice of cards for the protagonist of the second installment of the card game franchise. This set of monsters are based on US superheroes but given a Japanese twist as the sidekick character wears a space helmet. Each character is visually entertaining and the collection of magic cards designed to support the characters ensures a huge collection of play sets and accessories.

6. Antman/ Wasp- Ironically the smallest in terms of popularity, scientist Hank Pym created ‘Pym particles,’ which grants its users the ability to shrink or grow in size. Hank has had various super hero identities ranging from Antman to Yellowjacket whilst his wife Janet Van Dyne has had so many different outfits it’d make a Barbie jealous. Alongside Janet being a fashionista of a wife and their ever-growing super hero wardrobes, Hank is also a super scientist with an inventory of snazzy gadgets which has aided The Avengers over the years.

5. Speedy- Green Arrow’s teen protégé’ has always been the bad boy of sidekicks. Unlike Robin, Roy Harper has probably had the most scandalous comic back history, ranging from being addicted to drugs to impregnating a super villain. Due to having various trick arrows at his disposable, along with other close combat weapons, Roy’s got a chance to be the bad boy of action figures with his set of equipment displaying espionage and extreme sports.

4. Green Lantern Kyle Rayner- After Hal Jordan was turned evil during the 90′s, artist Kyle Rayner took the Green lantern mantle and produced some memorable and highly inventive constructs. Kyle could be considered the da Vinci of the Green Lantern Corps. His vast imagination has conjured up fully functioning mecha suits to riding a jet ski in mid air, so surely there’s a toy line in their somewhere ?

3. X-men through the ages- Since the X-men are one of Marvel’s oldest and proudest creations, it would be highly nostalgic for collectors and newcomers to play with heroes from the past and present of the team, especially since the teams over the years have had a huge array of power sets, allowing for an equally huge set of special themed playsets.

2. Science Ninja team Gatchaman- The heroes from the Japanese TV show, airing under the aliases in the west of Battle of the Planets and G-Force, this group could be best described as a mash-up of the Batman family being fused with the Power Rangers. Each having their own specialty weapon makes them perfect to market and hopefully great promotion for the troubled film project currently in production.

1. Robin- The brightly colored sidekick has always seemed to suffer from yellow and pink ranger syndrome when it comes to the world of toys as in he always misses out on the cooler weapons and special figures lines. It’s always made more sense to me that Robin would surely receive the sort of tech which would support his mentor rather then him being armed with just a few Batarangs, as is proved Batman doesn’t always succeed and it’s sometimes up to his dark horse of a sidekick to step in and save the day. Doesn’t Robin deserve to get a real figure to showcase his amazing abilities?

Josh Francis is a student journalist at the University of Lincoln with an interest in geeky entertainment journalism, though he loves to cover stories involving buskers.

The decade that started it all

Growing up the 1980s, mine was one of the first generations to have near unlimited options when it came to franchise toys, games and cartoons. That decade lays claim to some of the most iconic toy franchises in history, including Transformers, GI Joe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and, of course, He-Man and his little sister, She-Ra. Being surrounded by so many choices, all you could do as a kid was pick the one that had the coolest toys and the best cartoon, and that formula didn’t prove fruitful for He-Man. However, Masters of the Universe deserves some credit from a historical stand point.

He-Man and Skeletor in their prime.

Thank you, He-Man

We all owe the He-Man a lot when it comes to toys and cartoons. Masters of the Universe was one of the first cartoons that was produced pretty much for the sole purpose of selling toys to children. Some parental organizations took exception and called foul but we all know how that debate ended. Surprisingly enough, the reason many cartoons from that era had have the now famous PSAs was as a compromise with those groups. In the end, however, without the He-Man cartoon we wouldn’t have been blessed with the likes of Transformers or GI Joe or any of the countless other cartoons from that time…and without the cartoons there would be no toys.

See this kid. That's not me. It's Screech showing off his He-Man love.

Why He-Man failed as an action figure

I was not a fan of He-Man as a kid and that’s because neither the toys, nor the cartoon, were that appealing. I surrounded myself with GI Joes and Transfomers while my best friend next door had a toy chest full of He-Man stuff. I had a few He-Man figures that I received as gifts but they never got much play time because they just weren’t that cool. More often than not, my He-Man figures were portrayed as the evil giants in GI Joe land, partially due to their formidable size in comparison, but also due to their fantasy theme. I’m sorry but in a cage match between giant robots and a barbarian, the robots win hands down. And let’s say that if He-Man managed to survive a chair shot from Optimus Prime, Duke and the rest of the GI Joes would have swooped in and cleaned up the pieces left behind.

But He-Man did corner the market on well-sculpted mustaches.

Lets look at some of the obvious reasons why He-Man was a less than impressive action figure. First off, He-Man doesn’t have many joints and thus couldn’t really be put in many poses. Prince Adam and his buddies could only move their arms in one direction and only at the shoulder. They also didn’t have any knees to speak off, and they could only twist at the waist. So if you wanted Skeletor to kneel or even sit at the table like a good evil lord, he couldn’t do it. He-Man figures just weren’t as versatile as say, GI Joe figures, nor were they as well sculpted. With such limited movement, your own adventures in Eternia were stuck being wrestling matches. Of course, wrestling matches made sense because the figures were pretty big, so it was hard to have them play well with other action figures.

The zoo that was Masters of the Universe

Masters of the Universe also featured some of the weirdest characters that looked as good as they also confused. It seems that unless you were He-Man or Man-At-Arms, you were some crazy, hideous mutant with bizarre powers that weren’t really useful, even in fantasy land. For example, Mekaneck, whose awesome superpower was…a long neck. Yeah, that’s who I want in a fight, giraffe man. And who can forget Mantenna? His ability to make his eyes bug out most certainly struck fear into the hearts of men all around the universe. Even though He-Man’s cronies were ridiculous and unfun, several of them do deserve credit playing with our senses in ways that other figures did not. Figures like Moss Man and Stinkor not only gave our fingers something new to touch, but they also attacked our sense of smell…and Stinkor was a character that really earned his name, PU!

Man-E-Faces was one of the better figures but still big and inflexible.

Masters of the Universe did have some interesting vehicles, albeit few, but they were also quite ugly and otherwise unusable. Especially when you look at what GI Joe offered in terms of accessories and playsets, He-Man just doesn’t stand a chance. The Transformers had little in the way of accessories and vehicles…but wait…oh yeah, they were the accessories and vehicles! You could probably argue that Prince Adam “transformed” into He-Man, but to make that happen you had to buy both figures, so when it comes to bang for your buck, Transformers are the clear winner.

Important does not always mean better

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe was incredibly popular and important for millions of children around the world. The series deserves the utmost respect for ushering in the era of toy-shilling cartoons that is still chugging along today. However, just because you’re the first to do something doesn’t mean you’re the best, and when it came to the action figures and toys, He-Man just couldn’t keep up. I want to thank He-Man for everything he did for us, but  when I go into battle, I’ll be teaming up with Transformers and GI Joe.

Lets get ready to rumble

One of the first and most iconic wrestling toys is without a doubt the all-rubber Wrestling Superstars action figures. Released by LJN, these figures were surprisingly detailed and copied these larger-than-life athletes wonderfully, Macho Man included. However, since they were not jointed in any way, it was hard to play with these figures in the ways you saw them fight on television. You couldn’t exactly make Hulk Hogan do his trademark leg drop nor could Randy Savage drop the elbow from the top rope, but for all you couldn’t do with these figures, they were as tough as nails. You might not be able to put them in a figure four leg lock, but you could throw them against a brick wall over and over without worry. In a way, the toy’s toughness wonderfully mimicked that of the superstars they portrayed.

The first and the best wrestling toys.

Of course, as wrestling grew more and more popular, there were more and more toys. The action figures went through a lot of changes over the years but the WWF didn’t stop there. The other memorable toy from the golden age of wrestling is easily the Wrestling Buddies. Wrestling Buddies were basically just over-sized, stuffed toys that looked like your favorite wrestler, again, including Macho Man. The Wrestling Buddies didn’t do much but it didn’t matter because these plush toys put the power of muscle heads like the Ultimate Warrior in your hands. And like the old rubber action figures, the Wrestling Buddies were rough and tough, ready to be played with hard. How else could you practice the Sharpshooter and not get yelled at by mom?

The other wrestling toy that you couldn’t avoid back in the day was, surprisingly, not from the WWF or even the WCW. Instead they came from Japan and they were called M.U.S.C.L.E. men. These little pink wrestling figures always confused me because I wasn’t sure what you were supposed to do with them. They were too small to do anything and they didn’t bend or have any joints. You could try to collect them all, but the collecting craze spawned by Pokemon was still several years away, and why would any kid want a funny looking MUSCLE man when he could have King Kong Bundy in his back pocket? Nonetheless, without the popularity of professional wrestling on TV and on toy store shelves, MUSCLE men would have remained in Japan.

You just know that Hulk fears Macho Man

Wrestling then and now

Pro wrestling is one of the few things my generation can say we saw and helped grow from the start. We helped turn wrestling from a smoky gym sport into an international spectacle, and that being the case, it’s interesting to see the wrestling toys in the aisles today. Back then the WWF only needed to sell toys to kids like me. The funny thing is, they can still sell toys to me. Like many of the other franchises these days, there are wrestling toys targeted at young kids and toys targeted at us “old” wrestling fans. Next to the 6-inch action figures of today’s wrestling superstars like John Cena are “collectible” figures of wrestling’s greatest players, like the Iron Sheik and Roddy Piper.

These figures range in price from $10 to around $20 and while they’re beautifully sculpted and detailed, they just don’t seem offer much more than the old figures. Don’t get me wrong, the action figures on the pegs now look more like their real life counterparts than ever before, and even though these figures have articulation and can actually move, they still can’t “perform” many of their trademark wrestling moves. You would think after a period of 20+ years that we would have action figures that could actually be put in a Boston crab or camel clutch, but we don’t. I purchased a new Undertaker figure at Walmart and while I can see the tiny skull tattoos on his arms, I can barely bend his legs. He even has a hard time standing up straight. I know these figures can do a thousand more things than our old rubber figures, but I guess I would just expect them to do more by this point.

I think one of his tattoos says "Mom".

Our old school figures could be dragged behind the school bus for miles and come out relatively unscathed, but the figures today just don’t feel like they would be able to take much abuse…and what other type of action figure should take more abuse than a wrestler? Wrestlers are basically giant cartoon characters anyway, each of them capable of taking an inordinate amount of punishment, so it only makes sense that their miniature versions should do the same, but I’m not so sure they can. My Undertaker looks mean but I think inside you’ll find a brittle little man.

And if you thought the MUSCLE men were left back in the 1980s, you’d be wrong too. The actual MUSCLE men are now the things of yard sales and flea markets, but in their place you’ll find mini versions of today’s top WWE performers. Billed as WWE Rumblers, these 2-inch figures resemble the Marvel Superhero Squad toys in that they have large proportions with all-happy faces. But like the old MUSCLE men, I’m not sure what you can do with these little guys besides just collect them. At most the WWE Rumblers would be great desk toys at the office. They’re small enough to go unnoticed but still something to show off your wrestling fandom.

Old isn’t always better but it was more fun

It’s easy for me to say that the toys from my generation are better than today’s toys, but that would be a lie. Toys today can do a lot more than the toys of my day, and they look better too. Yet, when I put them side-by-side, the modern action figures just don’t carry the same spirit as the old toys. The old toys captured the fun and ridiculousness that was and is professional wrestling. The new toys just seem more interested in being collectible than useful in the hands of fans both young and old. But don’t let that stop you from buying a Paul Orndorff figure to show off at work.

Want more talk about toys then and now? Check these articles out:

-The Glory of G.I. Joes: A Retrospective

-Creating My Own Sagas: Dragonball Z Action Figures

-Spring-Loaded Serenade: Exploring Nerf

If I had the money, I'd be a happy kid right now.

Of any line of super hero action figures, why am I going with the Marvel Legends line, specifically? Well, that all goes hand-in-hand with a few things. The first is that I have an affinity toward the Marvel Universe over any other comic-related worlds out there, though I can’t give you a perfect reason as to why that is (at least, not in a short bit here). The second is my need for figures to have good articulation, something the Marvel Legends line shines as a glorious example of. And lastly, Marvel Legends as a toy line is better than any line that has come since it. Should I qualify that hefty claim? I probably should.

Those paying attention to action figures will probably be aware that the DC Universe line of action figures and the Legendary Comic Book Heroes line have both come out since Marvel made such a splash with Legends, both lines with awesome figures featured here and there, but this all proves that Marvel Legends is the best of the best. Why is that? Take a look at the scale for the three action figure lines I just mentioned. You will notice that they all happen to be roughly the same height, something that an action figure fan such as myself goes nuts over, but it can’t just be pure coincidence. Rather, Marvel Legends picked the scale and all detailed comic-related action figures began appearing at that same scale. You don’t get to play “follow the leader” unless you’re the one leading the pack.

Legendary Comic Book Heroes. Look familiar?

Furthermore, every major comic-related action figure line (Marvel Legends, DC Universe, and LCBH) all have one thing else in common: Each wave of figures has a piece to a larger figure, requiring you to collect every figure in the wave to assemble the bigger, more awesome figure.

I want to stop on there for a second, because this is trend I both love and hate at the same time, partly for the same reason. The idea of collecting is just fine by itself and is typically enough to weed out the casual figure fan from the fanatic pretty easily, but being forced to collect every figure in a single wave to create the one larger figure is extremely bothersome, purely because it requires you to buy the figures no one would want otherwise, insuring that we all act as fanatical collectors rather than just casual fans. For instance, let’s say you have a perfectly cool line that features fan favorites such as Captain America, Iron Man, Magneto, and The Thing or something, but in order to assemble the Hulkbuster Ironman suit, you had to collect all of those plus Marrow and Dazzler, two figures you probably wouldn’t want otherwise. But snaps! Hulkbuster Ironman! Gotta have that! Therefore, you have no choice other than buying more figures than you’d like. Sneaky, especially since it works.

Be honest with yourself now, which of these figures would you have normally bought if Apocolypse wasn't a factor?

Still, what’s drawn me back to the Marvel Legends line time and time again is the sheer amount of articulation in each figure. I have a Beast figure that sits on my desk that consists of 37 points of articulation (according to my count), including his forefinger and thumb, duo-jointed knees, and even his mouth. I can spend hours just playing around, posing him without any real purpose, almost as a relaxing pastime, none of which involves physically playing with him in tandem with other action figures. However, this abundance of articulation can have a downside as well. I have a Daredevil action figure that I hate, even though it has just as much articulation as Beast, if not more. Part of my hang-up may be that I was never particularly invested in Daredevil, though the other half is Beast can be made to look cool in just about any pose, whereas Daredevil is too lanky to look good contorted into all manner of silliness.

My Beast doesn't have the coat or glasses though, which would be the only thing that'd make him a better action figure.

Part of me still regrets passing up a Captain America from one of the early lines. I’m still not entirely sure why I never bought him, as I had the money and more than once found myself walking through a Target store while carrying him loosely in my hands, but he isn’t standing on my shelf right now. In fact, the only Marvel Legends figures I have are Beast, Daredevil, and Thor, the last of which comes with a story. And here of course is that story.

Few years ago, before Ironman was cool in the mainstream and people knew that a Thor movie was on the way, I was Christmas shopping for my eight-year-old cousin along with my mom. I found a Marvel Legends Thor, complete with manly beard, battle-axe, and Mjolnir, and decided that this would be the coolest gift any eight-year-old could ever receive. We purchased the action figure and I anxiously waited to see his face as he opened it during our family Christmas exchange. For some reason, upon ripping the wrapping from Thor, he just stared down and grimaced, then looked up and said, “Can I take this back?” I could hardly think of anything to say other than “What?!” but he proceeded to say, “It doesn’t go with any of my other toys; can I return this?” I stood up at this point, grabbing the figure and explaining to him that this was Thor, the god of thunder reborn as a super hero, complete with manly beard, battle-axe, and Mjolnir. Did he care? No. It was still returned without even an apology from his parents.

I know the Odinson and thou art he!

I decided then and there that every single year he would get a Thor-related item as a gift, just out of spite. My first step was to find that same Marvel Legends Thor and buy it for myself, just to remind myself of my Thor-given task. Then, when Christmas arrived again, I was ready to shop for the stupidest item I could find with Thor on it. Thor slippers? Nah, not until the third year. Thor poster? Too simple. Eventually I settled on a Thor bobblehead, probably one of the dumbest gifts I’ve ever decided to give.

I wrapped it up, hardly able to wait for the blessed day when I could watch him unwrap it in confusion once again, sure that his childlike love of the world would begin crumbling under my wicked gaze. Instead, he opens it and screams out, “Cool!” “What?!” I exclaimed for a second year in a row. Somehow he thought this dopey Thor bobblehead was so cool in fact that he ignored every other gift he received that year, immediately opening his bobblehead and bobbling with it. My Marvel Legends Thor stands upon my desk forever reminding me of the time when I was brought to tears two years in a row by a stupid bobble-headed child.

Despite this setback, the Marvel Legends line speaks true to my heart. Given the money, I’d go out and buy every single figure I could get my hands on, but for now I have my few choices, both great and disappointing. But how about you? Are there any Marvel Legends fans among the readers? Let me know with a comment. In the meantime, I’ll just sit here and pose my Beast a few more times. That…that sounded dirtier than it should have.

Want more on action figures? Check these out:

-A Mighty Muggs wish list

-Guide to Collectibles Star Wars Action Figures

-Creating My Own Sagas: Dragonball Z Action Figures

The poor man’s bobblehead

I usually explain Mighty Muggs as bobbleheads without the bobble. They’re vinyl desktop statues portraying some of your favorite franchises like GI Joe, Transformers and Star Wars, complete with accessories. They don’t do much, frankly, except maybe hold your pencil in a most threatening manner, but they’re a little more classy than just having some straight up action figures on your desk. Mighty Muggs are just fun, plus, according to the box, they’re made from “100% recycled awesome.”

I don't think Storm Shadow has ever looked happy

Mighty Muggs are owned by Hasbro and as such come in a very limited range of flavors, namely all the top franchises Hasbro has licenses with. Yes, you can get your hands on Cobra Commander, Optimus Prime, Spider-Man, Indiana Jones, and even Lando, but since Mighty Muggs are squarely aimed at the nostalgia crowd, why not keep going into the depths of pop culture?

Mighty Muggs are probably a bit past their prime (you can now find them on clearance at Target) but here’s a short list of Mighty Muggs I’d pay top dollar for.

The Mighty Muggs wish list

Masters of the Universe. He-Man and his friends seems like a no-brainer, if you ask me. In particular I’d want Man-E-Faces as he was one of my favorite characters. I’m not a big He-Man fan but anyone born prior to 1987 can certainly appreciate Teela standing next to your mousepad.

Metal Gear. With more than 10 titles spanning 20 years, there are plenty of characters in the Metal Gear game world that would lend themselves to these bobble-less statues. Solid Snake is easy but how about Otacon or Revolver Ocelot? Even one of the nameless soldiers would be pretty cool…just make sure he has a giant exclamation point above his head.

Pro wrestling superstars. I’m not ashamed to admit I’m a pro wrestling fan. What kid in 1985 wasn’t saying their prayers and eating their vitamins along with Hulk Hogan? And if only for that reason alone, the classic stars of the WWF deserve some Mighty Muggs. I’d shell out more than a few bucks to have a Macho Man Randy Savage Mighty Mugg or Bam Bam Bigelow.

Arnold and Stallone. Between these two actors there are plenty of memorable characters to turn into these tiny plastic figures. Rocky, Terminator, Total Recall, Rambo…the list can go on. Heck, in Rocky alone you have a few great characters. You’re telling me you wouldn’t want Apollo Creed or Clubber Lang? Just don’t ask for a Kindergarten Cop figure.

Tron. Since the new movie came out last year, Tron is cool again and that’s fine by me. A few Mighty Mugg Tron figures of both classic and new characters would look pretty sweet. Plus they could have some glow-in-the-dark paint on them for the ultimate Tron experience.

How can you say no to that smile?

The possibilities are endless

Those are just a few of the top picks from my wish list. Mighty Muggs doesn’t cover DC Comics, so there’s a whole universe of characters that I’d like to see standing next to my Marvel favorites. Robocop and Star Trek comes to mind too as good candidates, and I think you could get away with some top name rock band Mighty Muggs too. Think about a set of U2, KISS or Guns N Roses Mighty Muggs and tell me that wouldn’t get you some serious cred when your co-workers notice them on your desk at work. Of course, before we start inventing new franchises to tap into, there are a few characters missing from the existing line…like where’s my Lobot?!

We’ll probably never see any of these wonderful characters as Mighty Muggs in the toy aisle any time soon, but thankfully Hasbro has helped us out a bit because if you look in the right places you’ll find they sell blank Mighty Muggs. They come in black or white and are ready for you to paint and create your own Mighty Muggs figure. So in the end I guess there’s really nothing stopping you (or me) from filling in the gaping holes that Hasbro will never be able to fill themselves.

What characters do you think would make good Mighty Muggs figures?

There's something for everyone

Check out more Mighty Muggs photos over on Flickr along with other toys and games.

Brian is a freelance writer that blogs and tweets about toys, video games and other retro fun.

Want more articles where we give our wishlists for toys? Check these out:

-5 Toys of 2010 I Wish I Had When I Was a Kid

-My Top 10 Most Unattainable Toys

-Top 5 Franchises That Should Get An SSB Spinoff

The new GI Joe, still able to wage war in your backyard.

Yo Joe!

GI Joe, along with Star Wars, LEGO and Hot Wheels, was one of the few toys I really cared about as a kid. GI Joe could do no wrong. The cartoon was awesome, the figures were cool and the vehicles were great. I could never have enough of them. Eventually, as with all childhood toys, something new came along (ie, Nintendo) and soon GI Joe was nothing more than a fond memory. Although in my mind, GI Joe was a toy that could never be equaled, and as we all know, toys never die, they just get remade. Nostalgia is a powerful emotion and when I saw these figures in the toy aisle I knew they couldn’t be anywhere near as good as the figures I had growing up. However, I decided to give these new figures a fair chance and got one to compare. I’m doing my best to keep childhood bias aside, but I admit, that’s a hard thing to do.

A new era of action figures

Knives...check. Guns...check. Killer bird...check.

The first thing that struck me about the new GI Joe figures was their price. I picked up Zartan for a whopping $8. Like I said, I haven’t purchased any action figures in a while, but $8 seems steep for a GI Joe guy. However, you do get a lot of bang for your buck, at least with Zartan. Zartan was a figure I always wanted as a kid but never had. Zartan was awesome because he came with a disguise face mask and also had some color changing stickers. Pretty cool. His character on the cartoon was also pretty tough because he could turn invisible and bossed around the Dreadnoks.

It’s all about the accessories

This new version of Zartan comes with a lot of stuff. He has his disguise, same as before, only this time it’s an entirely different head that you snap on and off of a ball joint neck. Zartan also comes with a lot of equipment, and if you’re any sort of GI Joe fan then you know that all the guns and backpacks were as much fun to play with as they were easy to lose. Zartan comes with two machetes, a pistol, machine gun, shoulder sack, a disguise vest, a scary looking hood and a giant bird on a stick. I don’t remember Zartan ever having a pet hawk, but I’ll take it.

While accessories and guns are great to have, it also means there’s a lot to keep track of while in the heat of battle…er, play. One big hang up I had with Zartan’s add-ons was the time and difficulty it took to swap it all out. If you want him to go from scary face paint guy to disguised army guy, you have to take off his head, put his vest on and then put his other head on. Trying to get this Zartan figure changed was like dressing a 4-year-old…he just wouldn’t cooperate. You shouldn’t have to dress your GI Joe, this isn’t Barbie. If I had this figure when I was a kid, I would have geared him up the way I liked most and he would have stayed that way. The sculpt of the disguise head is really cool too (and comes with removable goggles), so I probably would have just turned Zartan into another good guy with swords and a gun, using the extra face as a generic “severed head”. Wardrobe issues aside, his bag does have the cool distinction of being able to carry the extra head, and if I can say so myself, when the other head is in there and staring back at you, it’s a little creepy.

Getting the bends

The best part about these new era GI Joes is their articulation. These guys bend in more ways than you can imagine and I could have only wished to have a figure like this when I was eight. Original GI Joes bent at the knees and elbows with rotating wrists and shoulders while twisting at the waist. This Zartan figure also has double-jointed knees so not only can he kneel but he can touch his toes to the back of his head without a problem. Plus he has jointed ankles so he can point his toes…how useful would that have been for my Cobra Eels?!

All that flexibility is really cool and fun, but the GI Joes seem to have lost their patented kung-fu grip and now twist mid-torso. It’s a little awkward to see a man twist 180-degrees above his belly button, but most of all, this change means the figures no longer use the tiny black rubber bands as they did all those years ago. Back then that little inner-torso rubber band let you disassemble your GI Joes with relative ease allowing you to mix-and-match body parts, which led to all sorts of fun and interesting play time plots.

Zartan, a little more than before.

The torch has been passed

Despite all these changes, today’s GI Joe action figure is still a really good toy even if they are a bit on the expensive side. They look good, they move good and they still have some awesome accessories. By all rights these toys can do twice as much as the figures from the 1980s and that can only be a good thing. However, the fanboy in me is sad to see GI Joe become a little less fantastic with their designs. Yes, GI Joe was all fantasy from the get go but the bright colors and simple designs of the original series made them charming, fun and open to some imagination. Regardless of what has or has not changed in the world of GI Joe toys, it’s great to see that these figures are not just for collectors. You can play with them now just like you did when you were a kid.

You can check out more photos of Zartan over on Flickr.

Brian is a freelance writer that blogs and tweets about toys, video games and other retro geekery.

Want more articles about the Good Old Days of toys? Check these out:

-Forget-Me-Nots: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Figures and Zords

-The Glory of G.I. Joes: A Retrospective

-10 Awesome Ninja Turtle Action Figure Outfits

Boy does that bring back the memories. In fact, why don’t I tell you about them? You remember being a teenager and there were those really pesky kindergarten aged kids in your neighborhood that looked up to you for no adequate reason besides that you were older than them and you had all the latest and greatest products on the market, and then your parents forced you to be nice to them and let them play with your toys and you always had to worry about the brats accidentally damaging them? Yeah, they bugged the ever-living crap out of you, right? Well it just so happens I am completely guilty of being one of those pesky kids. When I was about age six, I had this next door neighbor whose name, quite ironically, was Chris (no relation). He was about 14 years old at the time, and he used his allowance money to buy nearly every piece of the Power Rangers toy line. I would go to check out his room and see this completely epic display of the Rangers and their dinosaurs battling Rita Repulsa’s evil space aliens. What followed was me ringing his doorbell every single day after school to go play at his house. Of course, it wasn’t long before my parents caved and got me a few of my own. So lets recap the different toys that were available back in 1993.

8” Action Figures

What you are looking at here is pure 90’s gold.

Goss, I just now remembered those trippy triangle boxes. But in all seriousness, these action figures were the bomb. Their arms and legs had numerous joints, so you could recreate almost any of the million cheesy poses they had throughout the show. Even their fingers and their feet had joints, and each ranger came with their signature power blaster. Plus to be fair they looked extremely authentic to the series. They also made another line of rangers similar to these toys, but added built in karate chop or kick actions in their limbs. I mean the only slight problem I could have with them is that their eight-inch size makes them eligible to be often mistaken as dolls rather than action figures, which is a big no-no for little boys (heck, even big boys). Not that we can blame people, I mean look at them. They were almost the exact same height as the Barbie dolls.

“Today, Ken’s Dream House! Tomorrow, the world!”

Flip Head Figures

To get the elephant out of the room, yes. The black ranger was black. Will we ever live that down?

I remember these being pretty popular as well. These figures were more on the small side. While they didn’t have as many joints and less mobility then their bigger brothers, they did have this little gimmick where if you press the belt buckle, their heads flip from their secret identity to their ranger helmet. Plus with these figures, each ranger came with both a power blaster and their power weapon of choice, and if you bought them all, you could combine all five weapons to create their super special awesome power blaster.

Just like the show.

Zords

Now for the final blow.

What is there really to say about the original Megazord that won’t sound like a broken record? It was the Devastator of the Power Ranger toy-verse. Five separate robotic dinosaurs that could all fuse into the ultimate battle machine. The battle mode (above) was awesome, but my personal favorite was the tank mode. Yet, as versatile as the Megazord was, it was also very easy to assemble for young children. The more I think about it, the concept of the Megazord as a toy has always been a no brainer, and not just because it looked, at first glance, like a cheep Transformer knock off. If you’ve watched the show just once in your life (and let’s be honest here, who hasn’t), and you saw how the Megazord and its five consecutive parts fit together, there’s no hiding it. It was essentially a giant freaking toy.

Anyone else thought the Dragonzord reminded them of Mechagodzilla?

Wow, that was fun. The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers will always hold a strong spot in my childhood memories. It was easily one of, if not THE biggest pop culture phenomenon of the Pre-Pokemon era, and these toys, made in the Golden Age of action figures and robots in disguise, are no exception. In fact I think it’s fair to say these toys have aged a whole lot better than the show they were based off of. While it’s wonderful to look back and remember the Rangers as being this awesome super hero series that totally kicked ass in the 90’s, it’s a whole other experience entirely to actually go back and try to revisit those feelings. I mean sure, the theme song is still epic, but after you finish that… Aye-yae-yae-yae-yae!

Want more Forget-Me-Nots? Check these out:

-Forget-Me-Nots: Chutes and Ladders

-Forget-Me-Not: Halloween-Turned-Toys!

-Forget-Me-Nots: My Lone Ranger Action Figure

Still as awesome as the day I got him.

Ninja Turtles were just a thing I knew and loved all throughout childhood. I worshipped the four ninja teens like they were rock icons and collected every single piece of merchandise I could come across. Naturally, birthday parties were an event I expected at least one new Ninja Turtle action figure to make an appearance, and while I can’t rightfully recollect the exact date I received my Mutating Mike, I can recall that he became invaluable within my life.

The reason behind this was his added range of motion over the standard “classic” Michelangelo figures. Classic Michelangelo could move his arms up and down, and his legs were connected to his body on pivot joints, but other than his head moving side-to-side and his wrists having twist joints, he couldn’t move in any elaborate fashion. That’s where Mutating Mike had the advantage: His shoulders were pivot joints and his feet could bend at the bottom of the shin, meaning he could pose like he was swimming, diving, leaping, kicking, or all sorts of other moves.

Oh look, he met a fellow mutant.

The way I played just demanded more from him in terms of range-of-motion. I had plotlines within my toys, but most of those plotlines eventually broke down into all-out brawls. Dragonball Z overtook the majority of the main characters, like a whole squadron of Buzz Lightyears invading the toy room, but Mutating Mike stayed the center of all the action, thanks in part to those extra ball joints at his shoulders and hips, as well as his flipping feet.

A few of my favorite plotlines included the Turtle Blimp dangling Mike from a rubber band, leaping off a giant cliffside (my bookshelf), and deciding to quit the hero business altogether until the very last second, ala Peter Parker in Spiderman 2.

I guess they were able to work out their differences well enough. Good for them.

I even had a Mutating Donatello from the same line, but he was relegated to the sidekick role alongside Mondo Gecko. Why? I was never quite sure. I had a plotline later on where Mike was prepping Don to take over as the main character should he die for one reason or another (an army of Majin Buus were a looming threat), but Don just couldn’t fill that hero role well enough, therefore Mike was brought back in to save the day.

He was the leader of all my toys and should they wander around my room when I’m away, I have no doubt Mutating Mike is the one up on the box with a loudspeaker in hand instructing the other toys what to do during the next move. Goku’s probably standing nearby trying to teach the other toys how to transform into a Super Saiyan, but Mike will just roll his eyes and remind Goku that he’s a toy. A Japanese toy, but a toy nonetheless.

Fitting in with the new generation may be a challenge though.

Want more Forget-Me-Nots? Check these out:

-Forget-Me-Nots: Tie Fighter

-Forget-Me-Nots: My Lone Ranger Action Figure

-Forget-Me-Nots: My Daredevil Action Figure

And a huge thank you to The Virtual Ninja Turtle Museum for their help with images and a clear archive. I wouldn’t have been able to pull off this article without them!

10. Slap Shot Leo:

Turtles participating in sports? How absurd!

The Turtles had a bunch of figure lines featuring them in sports uniforms along with the appropriate equipment to go along. Slap Shot Leo was a figure I was totally into as a kid because hockey seemed really cool to me, even more so that Leo had ice skates on. Haven’t I made it pretty apparent before that action figures with some mode of built-in transportation are cool? Ice skates were cool to me. And even better, this is hockey we’re talking about, so it would make perfect sense for Leo to go straight from the game to busting heads, assuming it’s not within the same game. Go hockey!

9. Raph, The Magnificent:

Abra kadabra, and now your nose is BROKEN!

If we remember my Ridiculous Turtle Action Figures list, I placed Mike dressed as a clown pretty high. He was terrifying on some strange level, but Raph The Magnificent is the opposite: He’s awesome on some strange level. Perhaps it is the rabbit concealed in his hat. Perhaps it is his rockin’ mustache. Perhaps it’s just seeing a Ninja Turtle with coat tails. But on the most basic level, these are ninjas we’re talking about, and adding magic only functions to make them better at being ninjas. Raph with the power of illusion only makes sense in some glorious universe.

8. TD Tossin’ Leo:

The NFL would be so much cooler if there were more ninjas actively playing.

Coming from the same figure line as Slap Shot Leo, TD Tossin’ Leo is even more aggressive, even missing a bunch of teeth and wearing a ripped-up jersey. It’s clear that he plays full-contact football, none of this two-hand-touch crap. Suckers got smeared when Leo picked the long bomb, and though we never got Runningback Mike or Defensive Line Don, Leo was enough to suffice the violent sports urge all young boys had and most never grew out of. Even cooler: he came with a full helmet. The more accessories the better, and an easy-on, easy-off helmet was more than welcome for a TMNT action figure. I don’t know who’d win in a fight between TD Tossin’ Leo and Slap Shot Leo, but it’d be a good fight.

7. Power-Punchin’ Rocksteady:

Moma said knock you out. Also, mama was a rhino, so she knew these things.

Immediately upon seeing Rocksteady decked out in boxing gear my brain jumped to Punch-Out!! Boxing, yet another sport, is also a sport based ENTIRELY around beating the ever-loving crap out of your opponent. Sure, matches can be decided on a point system, but no one remembers those as fondly as matches won with a TKO or a referee running in and saying, “No more or he’ll bleed out of his ears!” Strapping boxing gloves to Rocksteady’s mitts only allows him to punch harder, sending Turtles sprawling. He’s like King Hippo, Balrog, and TJ Combo mixed into one excellent rhino-shaped package!

6. Safari Michelangelo:

Gold star if I get through this caption without making a lame Australian joke. And success!

Truth be told I probably wish I’d grown up in Australia. I have no clue why, but I love the accents and the outback outfits. What the image up there doesn’t show are the various accessories Mike had to go with his outback safari, the best of which was probably a huge gun connected to a water-filled backpack (shaped like an angry monkey of course), which when squeezed sprayed water at whichever enemies seemed to really hate water. Hey, Shredder wears a bunch of metal, and that stuff rusts, so sure, water works. He also came with a hunting knife, a bit of a shock to me. It was shocking because most times any Ninja Turtle came with a knife or a gun, it’d be shaped like something wacky. In this instance it just looked like a real knife. Sweet!

5. Creature From The Black Lagoon Leo:

Who knew that the creature from the Black Lagoon was actually just a turtle?

Not one but two action figure lines came out with Turtles as Universal Studios Monsters, and of the eight produced, Creature From The Black Lagoon Leo is the best. Really, all he looked like was a further-mutated Ninja Turtle, but I was all for it. Bigger hands for smacking and red eyes for glaring made this a must-have for me. And I never owned it! What a disappointment my childhood was! Oh well, at least I owned the four remaining figures on this list.

4. Pro Pilot Don:

Fighter pilots are awesome and nearly extinct. Enjoy them while you can!

Of the two Mutant Military series released, the first was immensely better seeing as how it had Raph dressed as a green beret, Leo decked out in Desert Storm attire, and Mike sporting the naval look, machinegun-toting bird in tow. But those three paled in comparison to Pro Pilot Don, a figure that came with a pretend parachute that strapped to his backpack. It looked pretty simple, but using my superior childhood imagination, I imagined that the parachute allowed him to fly. And as the rule goes: Flying toys are always better than non-flying toys. Also included was a helmet with a breathing mask, just like he’d wear in a fighter jet. Oh, and each Mutant Military figure came with a miniature American flag. Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?

3. Pterano Don:

He comes from a prehistoric land down under. ...Oh wait, dang it!

What’s the rule? “Flying toys are always cooler than non-flying toys.” Pterano Don is what you get when you mix Donatello with a pterodactyl, meaning that Donny gets huge wings and a head that looks like he can rend metal like a can-opener. Pterano Don is a beast, pure and simple. I played with him so much that one of the wings fell off and I had to reattach it/play less roughly with my super awesome Ninja Turtles. He was even quite a bit larger in stature and height than all the other Turtles figures I owned, making him a more commanding presence in the ongoing plotlines my homemade series would endure. Just looking at the other figures in the line, all of which were crossed with dinosaurs, only Don stands out as a really cool action figure. The others feel lacking. Except maybe mixing Shredder with a tyrannosaurus, though that only really succeeded in making him look like a Street Shark reject.

2. Cave Turtle Raph With Tubular Pterodactyl:

Please take note of the mask on the pterodactyl, because the pterodactyl is also a ninja.

Yes, more flying toys and yes, more pterodactyls. The Turtles had a series where they were prehistoric in nature and rode around on happy-go-lucky dinosaurs Flintstones style. Once I got Raph I was all set as he came with the pterodactyl, making every adventure he starred in comprised of 95% flying and 5% getting to his pterodactyl so he could continue flying. Eventually the harness strap broke off the pterodactyl, meaning no turtle could really ride him anymore. I was more or less fine with this and allowed him to stand alone as his own character, talking and wisecracking just as you’d expect. So what could possibly outdo two pterodactyls in a row?

1. Super Don:

The greatest thing ever! Too Much Awesome!

Try adding Batman to the equation. Yeah, that sure does spike things in the awesome department by a wide margin, doesn’t it? Of this series, Don was garbed in Batman-like attire whereas Mike looked vaguely Superman-esque. Both were great, but Don came with a wrist-attached baterang-launcher (it was fake but it looked cool). I played like it was a grappling hook, a laser, and a stun gun, and each time I loved it more. But could he fly? Yes, whenever I felt like allowing him to fly. This is just one cool toy, the likes of which we may never see again.

These are just ten of dozens of awesome outfits the Turtles have worn over the years. Do you have a favorite that I didn’t mention? Leave a comment and let me know. In the meantime, I need to figure out a way to craft a Super Don outfit in time for Halloween. Excelsior!

Want more Ninja Turtle articles? Check these out:

-Forget-Me-Nots: The TMNT Pizza Power Board Game

-Go Green Machine! A Ninja Turtle Video Game Retrospective

-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Best Action Figures Ever

Certainly a handsome devil, isn't he?

I got into comics when I was about thirteen or fourteen. While perusing the video store, I found this extremely detailed figure packaged with a reprint of classic Daredevil issue #167.

Being on a retro kick, I set up the character on its display stand in a pose that illustrated the eighteen points of articulation, and displayed it on top of my stereo speakers for my vinyl record player. It sat opposite my model kit of the De Lorean from “Back to the Future.” Both were backlit by a green lava lamp.

I remember this figure for being the first toy that I thought of as a display piece. It was my teenage witticism to treat it like a controversial piece of art from my personal collection.

Suddenly I started reading Toy Fare magazine, I had more merchandise to ogle at the comic book store, and I had more things to talk about during a video game marathon with Chris Pranger. In a way, this figure helped me write for this site.

There were two versions of this figure at the time. One was a brightly-colored, Saturday morning version of the comic book superhero. The other was based on the red leather and biker-booted suit that Ben Affleck pulled off in the 2003 film. I had the film version, because I liked how much more gritty it was.

The man of the hour, or rather, the Iron Man of the hour. See what I did there?

Tony Stark’s technological marvel is back with plenty of articulation, tons of oversized weapon attachments, and each with a personality of its own.

The figure series consists of a wide variety of Iron Man and War Machine suits, all lying out like a roll of schematics. It conjures a funny image of Tony Stark’s garage littered with Iron Man armor: white for snow, blue for underwater, black for stealth, etc.

Each different suit has a detailed, imaginative name, such as Iron Man Mark I, War Machine Tech Armor. Collectors will be gratified by the different color tones and the continuity of the suit evolution.

Kids (or just guys like me who like to take things apart for fun) will find the detachable missile launchers, guns and armor plating quite amusing.

A really great idea that Hasbro committed to for the movie tie-in is the variety of source material that the action figures come from. Figures based on the original comic books yield a trim, wiry Iron Man. Figures based on the first movie have a gritty, bulky detail. The figures for the new movie are sleek, and have most of the big attachable guns.

Something the figures lack is variety in characters. You can have Iron Man and War Machine seven times over, but there are no villains for them to fight with.

There’s a slightly odd addition to this toy line, in the form of Iron Racers. These are stationary figures attached to a pull-and-release vehicle. There’s the Armor Cycle, the Quantum Quad, the Turbo Racer, etc. Since this seems to be a trend for every superhero figure (the Fantastic Four, Spiderman, and Batman have all gotten pull-and-release quads and motorbikes), I would suggest avoiding these, and buying a Batman version from the bargain bin instead. It’s the same toy.

Essentially, these figures are exactly what an Iron Man fan would expect: it’s all about design concepts, color schemes, and attachable equipment. Great fun for the Howard Hughes in all of us, just like Tony Stark. Thankfully, you don’t have to have wallets as deep, though.

The different concepts are exciting, but don’t expect to find a good villain. Avoid the Iron Racers, stick with the individual figures. Kids and adults can find the cool fun in the different versions of a great superhero. I might just bring my Mark IV Iron Man to the IMAX showing of “Iron Man 2.”

I wish I had this as a kid. Doesn't that just scream "epic?"

It’s been a while since I’ve delved into the action figures of my past. It’s also been a while since I’ve mentioned Dragonball Z, hasn’t? Why not mix the two together then and tell you all about DBZ action figures? I think I’ll do just that. Here I go!

Only In Japan

DBZ really started to hit big when I was in 6th grade. I wasn’t yet into the series, but I was aware of it. I’d see toys and action figures popping up in stores whenever I’d go searching for something cool, but it wasn’t until 7th grade when I got hooked and needed my DBZ fix with action figures. Sadly, the only available toys at the time were really, really bad Japanese imports. How bad? We’re talking two points of articulation and then only at the shoulder. Not a pivot joint, just an up-down motion. I bought two originally: A Piccolo and a Super Saiyan Goku. Both had removable clothes (Goku his shirt and Piccolo his cape and turban) but not much going for them. Oh, actually, their feet could move from side to side, which was totally useless.

The two figures I mostly saw in stores were Kid Trunks and Krillin with hair. Kid Trunks hadn’t appeared in the series yet and Krillin wouldn’t wear the new outfit until that point in the series also. I found it incredibly strange that they came with guns that the characters couldn’t even hold. Their hands were fists, so the only way to use the accessory was to balance it on their arms. I choose not to buy any more stupid DBZ figures.

And Then Things Got Better

Oh, one of the "last figure hanging" figures of the line.

That’s why I was so happy to learn that Irwin Toys would be making new toys for the current US releases. I got pumped until I saw the first series. Radtiz? Okay, he’s gotta be there. Yajirobi? Oh…kay, sure, put him in. Master Roshi? I’m assuming Goku’s here somewhere, right? Nope, he wasn’t in the first series. Or the second series. In fact, it took them until the third series of action figures to include Goku, Vegeta, and Piccolo. Finally! But still, no Super Saiyans just yet.

Everything after that just got better. I was careful to watch for when the next series of action figures came out, ready to buy my favorite characters. Surprisingly, some of the best action figures in the Irwin line were of more obscure characters. Take for example Evil Buu, by which I mean the gray version that appeared for maybe half of an episode. They made an incredibly great figure for that character. Android 16 also got a great action figure that included a removable hand, just like the character could do in the show. Nice! My favorite Goku turned out to be the Super Saiyan Goku dressed in Saiyan armor, seen only for a few episodes while he was training. It was just great.

This was easily my favorite DBZ figure right here. Super Vegitto was perfect.

But there were some definite misses, too. Fat Buu, for example, was terrible. His legs couldn’t move due to them being stuck in the solid plastic of his pants. Piccolo could have his turban removed but not his cape, meaning a lack of moveability. Some of the biggest disappointments were Super Saiyan 3 Goku, who looked deformed and didn’t have much articulation, and Kid Buu, who looked entirely unimpressive for what should have been a great end to the line. Regardless, Vegitto didn’t disappoint.

Again, why wasn't this the Goku available to me when I was a kid?

After DBZ ended I sort of lost track and interest in the figures, though I saw that Jakks did a lot of great things, adding some awesome articulation. These days if you want good figures you’ll have to go looking online, sticking with the Bandai Hybrid Mega Articulated models, otherwise the only thing you’ll be able to find are action figures based off Dragonball: Evolution, i.e. really stupid toys.

I don't know why they even bothered.

I wish I could justify buying more DBZ action figures. I’d really like to, but I have no place to put them yet. Also, the thrill of the hunt for a really cool action figure is lessened somewhat when I have to just find it online. But I still have probably close to 50 DBZ action figures waiting in a box at home. What about you? Did you buy some really awesome DBZ action figures at some time? Let me know with a comment. In the meantime I’ll be searching for a way to travel back to my childhood.

Need more for a DBZ fix? Check out these articles:

-The DBZ Technigue Guide

-A Look Back on DBZ

-Ten Worst Instances of Filler in DBZ

Yoda throughout the years. One looks wise, the other looks crazy.

They were the coolest Star Wars figures. I spent the better part of my youth checking every single figure on every single peg, looking for light-sabers and brown robes. But how have these hardcore warrior-monks changed over the years? To be frank, they’ve gone from “okay” to absolutely thrilling playthings/collectibles. Recently, however, they’ve been released as mediocre and lifeless imitations, joining the ranks of has-been toy series like the WWE.

Scourage of the Empire Vadar, sporting a trench-coat and carrying a neon-pink shotgun.

The Golden Age of Jedi Action Figures

In the beginning, Kenner made three figures with the power of the Force: Obi-wan, Darth Vader, and Luke Skywalker. These figures would be considered primitive and useless to today’s market (if they weren’t worth $6,000 each), but at the time, they had some cool features.

Vader and Kenobi had removable vinyl cloaks, and all three had the strangest representation of a light-saber: a telescoping blade that collapsed into their hollow arm. The weapon was non-removable, broke easily, and was quickly abandoned in favor of a sturdy blade (making these figures even rarer). While not perfect at all, these original-run babies were a prophesy of the absolute coolness that would come later.

The Silver Age of Star Wars Figures

Things stayed the same for a long while, until Hasbro bought Kenner and started pumping out thousands of Star Wars figures in the 1990’s. The “Power of the Force” series could be considered a Silver Age of Star Wars figures, featuring better, more detailed light-sabers, actual cloth capes/cloaks, and they actually looked like the actors from the films (more or less).

Of note during this era was the use of characters outside the films, such as the Cloned Emperor from the comics. This gave kids like me the opportunity to stage more epic light-saber duels.

Note the differences in articulation.

But there were still problems with the series. Only five points of articulation meant a lack of variety in poses and play. My first Star Wars figure ever was Luke Skywalker, in his farm outfit. He had a pistol and his father’s blue lightsaber…his hand couldn’t grasp either, and he could barely stand upright. Things had gotten better, though, and they would continue to get better.

The New Golden Age: Prequel Figures of the 2000s

Finally we come to the apex of my childhood, and coincidentally the best era of Jedi figures: the prequel era. While Episodes I and II did not blow away fans, the toys were officially perfect.

Wrists and knees had articulation, lightsabers were beautiful and accurate-looking, and there was a veritable smorgasbord of Jedi and Sith characters to duke it out with. Other little features made these bad boys worth the price, including lightsaber blades that detached from the hilts, magnetic palms/hilts for that Force-pull-my-weapon-to-my-hand action, and my favorite: easily detaching and reattaching limbs for lightsaber dismemberment.

Violent for kids? A little, but nothing inappropriate. Choking hazards? Absolutely. A good rule of thumb for Star Wars action figures: if the kid can follow the plot of the original trilogy, they can handle these toys.

Look at all that detail and articulation. This is what it’s all about.

This ten-year-old’s nirvana was followed later by the Episode III series. Though I was in high school by then, this series fascinated me. Many a time did I skip lunch to go buy a new Jedi, as there were tons of different characters (even more than Episode II’s “Clone Wars” series) and even more necessary variants (Chancellor Palpatine vs. Emperor, Anakin vs. Vader, et cetera) to choose from.

I was particularly struck by how Hasbro took advantage of the film’s plot.  Since Anakin and Palpatine transform into evil bad guys, and the clones become stormtroopers, and the ships in Episode III evolved into Episode IV’s TIE fighters and X-wings, it became a theme for the toys. We got transforming figures with interchangeable parts and accessories, as well as “evolution” packs, wherein teen Anakin, war hero Anakin, and Darth Vader are packaged together. Sweet.

Four reasons to buy General Grievous: extra lightsabers for the REAL Jedi.

Things have stagnated since then. Occasionally, we get a cool comic book pack with a good Jedi, like Quinlan Vos or the Dark Lady, but these are expensive and hard-to-find.

The Empire Crumbles

Nowadays, kids are expected to go gaga over blocky, ugly little flat-faced characters that resemble Star Wars favorites. Otherwise, they can pick through five hundred “cantina alien” figures in order to find a re-packaged figure that their older siblings already bought eight years ago.

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, what happened? These were the best figures in retail toy history until that blasted cartoon ruined everything. Now we have less articulation, lots of overblown matte colors (I’ve never seen so much orange and purple), and a deep sense that we’ve lost something special.

That’s it for Jedi figures, at least until Lucas finds yet another way to market his 33-year-old merchandise. I’m fortunate enough to have a drawer full of the best Jedi figures, which I plan to pass down to future generations. How about y’all?

I don't think I'll ever get tired of these people.

True Fact: I grew up in the United States of America. I’m not trying to brag or anything, it’s just simple stating of fact. Why this is important to The Simpsons has to do with what The Simpsons is to me: An American Institution. This in no way means that I believe The Simpsons is only for Americans. Oh heavens no, The Simpsons is a show for the entire world. It’s been aired all over, only managing to tick off Australia, Brazil, and a few other countries of the world that I can’t be bothered to remember. The real special aspect of the show is how unimaginable it is to think of a Sunday night at 8 without The Simpsons. It’s into its 21st season now, with the 20th season just released on DVD (and which I just finished watching). The show has been around for 20 years and here’s how I remember it.

It Can’t Just Be My Childhood I’m Remembering

It interests me that for the 20th anniversary of the longest running primetime cartoon in history, a 20th season DVD comes out with pretty much nothing special about it. Granted, I loved every episode more than I figured I would, but I couldn’t help but laugh at the only special feature included in the “Extras” portion of the DVD: A sneak preview of the 20th anniversary special that isn’t included on the special 20th anniversary 20th season DVD. That’s the sort of thing I’d expect to be parodied on The Simpsons. Otherwise seasons 1-12 are available with each having a bevy of special features and the like. I’m just sort of sad that there is an 8-year gap of seasons we have to slowly close.

I bet you had no clue who did it, did you?

My original concept for a Simpsons retrospective was going to be a top ten list of my favorite episodes, but I couldn’t easily identify those from the over 450 choices open to me. If I had to pick, the “Who Shot Mr. Burns” plotline may be my favorite, and any time Sideshow Bob appears I’m quite happy, but I couldn’t choose a conclusive top ten without turning it into a top 20, 30, or just a number one show listing.

Instead we have my ramblings about the series. As a kid my parents were skeptical about The Simpsons. They sat down with me a few times and watched some new episodes with me, laughing the whole time. After that they seemed completely fine with letting me watch, so I made sure to watch the series in syndication religiously. I tried to watch it at my grandparent’s house once, only to have my grandpa tell me he didn’t think it was a good show. “I don’t like how the son backtalks the father,” he says. “That’s disrespectful.” Then we watched an episode anyway and he laughed the whole time, making it welcome in his house as well.

This image was everywhere on merchandise, so much so that the actual show had to make jokes about it constantly.

I never saw Bart Simpson as a model for myself to follow. Rather, I understood he was exemplifying everything I really shouldn’t be, despite how much I’d have enjoyed it. I’m a lot older now and thankfully I never became a Bart Simpson. Now I’m a Homer Simpson and too gleefully S-M-R-T to know that I’m nowhere near my potential as an American.

When Burger King had a Simpsons promotion way, way back in the day, I managed to acquire all five family members in “plush” cuteness. And by “plush,” I mean that their bodies were soft but their plastic heads could crack a child’s skull with enough blunt force applied gradually over time (no I didn’t try this on anyway you know of). What was always weird was how Bart’s shirt was never red on any merchandise I could find. He’s always worn the same red shirt/blue shorts combo on the show for 20 years, but merchandise with his likeness frequently had him wearing a blue shirt. I had no clue why they did this but it always bugged me as a kid.

I actually prefer these little figurines over the main figure series.

By the time the collectable figures were coming out I was too busy playing with Ninja Turtles to spend any money collecting figures from a comedy program. I was still watching the show every single night, but I had no desire to collect the collectables. Regardless of my lack of participation, The Simpsons figurines are a collector’s dream with each new year getting a handful of wonderful additions. By now you’d have to plunk down some hearty cash to be caught up to the current series.

Why the heck hasn't this been turned into an HD remake already?

Instead of the figures, I was busy messing with the video games. The saddest part of all this is that in the 20 years the show has been on, only one Simspons video game has come out that’s been any good: The Simpsons Arcade Game. I played Bart vs The Space Mutants and Bart vs The World on the NES and hated them due to the extremely poor controls, but if you love the Angry Video Game Nerd you already knew that. Something about the arcade game was just magical. I played it into the ground, even managing to beat it, and let me tell you, that’s quite a feat. I still can’t figure out for the life of me why it hasn’t been ported over to Xbox Live by now.

Oh, and I also saw the movie twice in a day. Is that sad?

I keep hearing from people that The Simpsons should end already. I disagree on the basis that we need a Simpsons to exist, even if you don’t find it funny anymore. It’s like the evening news at this point. There’s just something comforting about knowing that every Sunday I’ll see the same family from my childhood waiting for me whenever I feel like visiting. Why would you really want to take that away?

I wish I'd been the one to think up this image first, but I'm not.

Happy Saturday everyone! February is ending in the next day or so and that means the beginning of the newest feature here at Toy-TMA: The Too Much Awesome Podcast!

It had been my hope to someday start doing a podcast here. The plan was for last month to be the first episode, but issues with cars (my car specifically) delayed production for a week. After some technical difficulties with the mic, the podcast was recorded and uploaded without any futher troubles (save for a cat scratching in the background).

The link for the podcast can be found here. Once you click the link, you’ll be taken to Mega Upload, a site for files too large to post anywhere else. Type in the code shown to download the file and then wait for it to be cued up for download. Once it’s ready, download the file and listen when and where ever you’d like!

The goal is to have at least one new episode a month, usually falling on the last weekend of the month. It ended up being over 90 minutes, but we’ve got a lot to talk about, so it works. We’ll do our best to improve the sound quality as right now you have to turn the sound up fairly high to hear us clearly, but for now, please enjoy the premiere episode of the Too Much Awesome Podcast!

These are a bit newer, but still cool.

We’ve been over how much I love Ninja Turtles at least twice. You may also remember a long while back I had a thing or two to say about the G.I. Joe toys based on the movie. But it’s taken me this long to realize that what I really need to do is talk about the real G.I. Joes and why they rival Ninja Turtles for Greatest Action Figure status. Ready? Oorah!

The Second Greatest Action figures of all Time

I have to come clean about this here: I didn’t own a ton of G.I. Joes when I was a kid. I had a few, such as a Lifeline I got from a mail-in cereal thing, and a high-ranking sort of guy whose name I can’t for the life of me remember or find on the internet. You want to know what figure from my G.I. Joe plotlines I used the most? A Lone Ranger action figure I swiped from my grandma. Yup, for some reason, I had the Lone Ranger fighting G.I. Joes on a regular basis. I had turned every G.I Joe into a villain (except for Lifeline, who was the Lone Ranger’s incompetent sidekick) despite the fact that they were branded as Real American Heroes. And they were still awesome.

I had this, minus the horse and guns. Yup, somehow made him lamer yet cooler.

I had a total of two official G. I. Joe figures for much of my childhood, plus two full-size dolls. I also had a few off-brand G. I. Joes that you wouldn’t be able to tell apart from the real thing, and that got me by just fine. Also, of course, I had a friend with dozens of the real thing, so any time we got together it was an hour of deciding who gets to play with which figure in which vehicle at which base with what weapons, giving us maybe a few minutes of playtime, tops. And once again, they were still awesome.

Tons of Variety, Only One Childhood

That’s one thing that appealed to me most about the Joes: The amount of variety in play. There were tons of vehicles and weapons to mix around and give to whomever you felt. While none of the Joes could really grip anything worth a darn, it was still cool to hand a sniper rifle to the medic and place him in a tank. All of my G.I. Joe-related stuff came from garage sales and things my grandma found in her day-to-day of finding awesome things for me to play with. Pretty sure that was her day job. At one point she gave me a G. I. Joe tank she found at a garage sale that somehow transformed into a fortress. It was broken and the pieces were just in a bag all willy-nilly, but that didn’t stop me from reassembling it and finding some use. Than again, what kid can’t figure out how to convert something into a tank? Honestly?

Heck, I made Lifeline seem cool. Behold the wonder of a child's imagination.

So what was my favorite thing about G. I. Joes? They have the perfect level of articulation. Seriously, those things are built with kids at heart. The midsection was the best part of this articulation since it gave such smooth move-ability as it used a rubber band to hold the torso and the legs together. The downside was that it used a rubber band to hold the torso and the legs together. One of my proudest moments came when I repaired a broken Chuck Norris-looking G. I. Joe with a standard rubber band I found. He went from being a standard evil character that couldn’t move to the strongest, most dangerous character in my plots.

I can’t really pinpoint what it is about G. I. Joes that everyone loves so much as my experience is limited to what I grew up with. Still, I want to know what other people did as kids, or even now. What was your favorite aspect about G. I Joes? Did you have a whole army or just a lone soldier? Or did you absolutely hate the Joes? Even if you don’t currently own a Joe, you could get one for under $10. When you have a memory to retell, leave a comment and let me know.

Also, I’m proud that I went a whole G. I. Joe article without using the phrase “Go Joe!” Oh wait…dang it.

Infinite articulation or zero? Time to Think Deep.

It’s been a few weeks since I Thunk Deep, so it seems about right to try my hand and brain at something a bit new and completely different than the last Let’s Think Deep article. As you may recall, last time was an elementary foray into quantum physics.

This time I’ve been thinking more about action figures and exactly what about them makes them so wonderful. Generally you’ll hear the phrase “points of articulation” thrown around like it has some sort of inherent meaning. But hey, does it? How many points of articulation does an action figure need? Can you have too many? Let’s Think Deep, shall we?

A Trip Down Memory Lane

When I was a kid (it really wasn’t all too long ago, assuming I ever stopped being one), I wasn’t all too concerned about how pose-able my figures were. I had my Ninja Turtles, some G.I. Joes, and a random assortment of toys from everywhere. For the longest time things were good. I didn’t have any sort of rules for playing in terms of what could and could not happen. If I wanted something to fly, then sure, it could fly. I was under the concept that any of my figures could gain flight whenever they put their arms up, though that was only during specific plotlines or if they had trained to do it and such. Anyway, I’m on a random tangent there. Let’s get back to thinking deep.

Very few points of articulation, but so cool. Why was that?

The point I was going toward is that posing my toys was never very important. Heck, even having them stand up wasn’t required most of the time, as usually they’d just be lying down when they weren’t in my hands. Besides, it’s pretty difficult to make an action figure stand up on pillows or a mattress. It was very rare when I’d throw a fit about one of my figures failing to stand up when I wanted it do, and even less when they couldn’t bend to my needs. I controlled them well enough, so what more could I ask for?

Bust A Move

Well, after a while I demanded a bit more move-ability from my “actors” so that they could pull off more complicated actions and illicit slightly more emotion in dramatic scenes (“But Goku, Shredder just killed Spiderman! We can’t let him get away with this!”). I found myself wanting a few basic points of articulation (oh, and so there’s no confusion here, “articulation” relates to any place on the action figure that can bend and move). Here’s what I needed to be happy: The arms needed to move up and down and bend at the elbow, the hand needed to be capable of gripping a weapon or item, the head needed to be capable of turning left and right, and the legs needed to move at both the knees and the hip. That was the standard, though I later started to refine my needs further.

Suddenly just up and down wasn’t enough for my arms and legs. I wanted them to be on a ball-joint so that there was full range of mobility when arms and legs met with the torso piece. Also, I wanted a swivel at the waist so the legs could turn in a separate direction from the arms for more dramatic poses. As of now I like to have the head and chest on a ball-joint, feet to be on ball-joints as well, and hands capable of rotating at the wrist and elbows. All of a sudden I was demanding a lot, but it wasn’t to last.

This was my absolute favorite action figure ever. It starred in more adventures than I care to remember.

I got into the Marvel Legends line of action figures and suddenly I discovered that articulation looked somewhat ridiculous when applied to some characters. I got a Daredevil action figure that could move at just about every point that you’d think a person could move a thing, which was a selling point for me when I bought it. But when I got it home things didn’t seem so great. He looked absurd being able to twist around to any pose I wanted. Nothing looked natural for him, no matter what I did. Part of this problem may have been that his limbs were on the small side and thus the awkwardness of him stood out all the more. I later got a Beast figure from the Marvel Legends line and found him to look better, but still, something about the crazy amount of articulation messed with me.

It got me thinking more about what I really wanted. I think it came down to what I needed the figure to do. When I was a kid I got a toy from the movie Small Soldiers, which if you remember correctly is about toys that are implanted with computer chips and become sentient. I saw that the toy has knee and elbow joints on him, so I bought it thinking the toy would be just as cool as I remember it being in the movie, (though I was aware it wouldn’t move on its own). When I got it home and out of its wrapping I made a startling discovery: The articulation wasn’t real. The knee and elbow joints were only a decoration indented in the plastic since the toys in the movie looked like that. I felt pretty ripped-off, but whatever, I had a new toy. His arms and legs still moved, but they couldn’t bend. He was also taller than my other toys, so all of this combined to mean that he was a villain that had very little brainpower but was incredibly strong and deadly. I was forced to adapt my needs to fit him into my scope of fun. I never could have any real fun with my Daredevil action figure though.

Where does the line get drawn? What do toy companies consider articulation? A classic Ninja Turtle action figure has seven points of articulation according to my count (arms, wrists, legs, and head), whereas a G.I. Joe has twelve (arms, elbows, wrists, head, waist, legs, and knees). Most of my Dragonball Z figures had between five and fifteen points, but my plastic army men had zero. What constitutes one point of articulation anyway? Does a pivot joint count as multiple if it can move up and down and side to side? If so, does Stretch Armstrong have infinite points of articulation, or just one big point? At what point does the whole concept of articulation break down?

And why exactly do we want our toys to articulate anyway? What’s the need? Part of it is to pose the figure in a stance, though part is to recreate a specific motion that the character may be known for. If you have a Goku action figure, you probably want it to be capable of posing in the Kamehameha stance (hands cupped together off to one side before forcing both hands forward). However, of all the Goku action figures I had, not a one was capable of replicating that pose. Not even anything close to that stance, either. Somehow I had G.I. Joes that could do Kamehamehas but not the actual character known for doing the attack. I also had a bunch of Pokemon figures that were literally chunks of plastic, meaning they couldn’t move whatsoever. That didn’t stop me from having Pokemon battles with each and every one, somehow replicating the hundreds of attacks from the video games using a large amount of imagination and learning to settle at that.

I’m not sure if we can ever really get action figures to a point where they can pose in all the ways we’d like them to. The human body is a miracle of function, whereas an action figure with a chest joint is a revolution in articulation. The best I can do is decide what I do and don’t want in my toy. I don’t need finger and toe joints on action figures, but I do need the head and neck capable of looking upward. I don’t need the knee joint to actually be a kneecap connecting two joints together, but I do want the foot to be able to bend up and down at the ankle. I’m very picky at this point, but I know I’m not the only one, otherwise we wouldn’t have deluxe versions of action figures costing more than the regular versions that can hardly move at all.

So where does it end? Where does it start for that matter? What do you want to see an action figure do and what could you do without? Time for you to leave a comment and let me know.

He kind of looks like Nightcrawler if Nightcrawler decided to go in a new direction.

Big movies mean tons of merchandise. It’s inevitable. Action figures must be made regardless of how much sense it makes. So clearly, if Space Jam required action figures, then Avatar, the movie by James Cameron that is exploding everyone’s heads with visuals and everyone’s hearts with joy, darn well has a series of action figures for it. But are they any good?

The Nitty-Gritty Truth

Sure, why not. They aren’t terrible, but there are two versions to look at here. There are the “good” versions of the action figures, the bigger versions that include a total of three characters, making them somewhat pointless as a “series” of action figures and rather just good additions to the vast imaginative toyland adventures your kids should be having anyway. But there are also the “bad” versions, the ones you’ll see most and like least. I didn’t even have to look at them for very long before coming to these conclusions either. It just sort of becomes apparent when you look at them for yourself.

Confession time: I haven’t seen Avatar. I’ll see it soon enough, most likely by the time this article is posted, but as of writing this here review I haven’t seen the actual source material. I still know enough about the movie to know what is cool and what isn’t cool. The coolest thing? Definitely the RDA Scorpion Gunship. Why? Because the thing is a freaking heli-jet called a “Scorpion Gunship.” I don’t need to have seen the movie to know that whatever that is it makes for a good toy.

This is an RDA Scorpion Gunship. Okay, anything that flies is instantly in my "I Like It" category.

But the actual figures are the problem. The good series, as I’m calling them, the ones that are taller, are pretty solid and fun for playing with. Like I said though, there isn’t a ton to choose from, so you’ll inevitably need to have a bright imagination to fit these Avatar characters into some sort of story involving the Transformers or the Ninja Turtles. But at least you are getting something cool.

The smaller toys just look cheap, even though they aren’t in the truest use of the word. You’ll plunk some dough for a toy that looks weird, and part of that may just be the way the actual characters appear. They have that strange freakish skinniness to the joints that instantly makes me think “This is a toy” and not, “Oh cool, a new toy!” There’s a definite difference at work there. Even worse for me especially since I haven’t seen the movie, I can’t tell the difference between the characters since they look either like “Weird Blue Cat-Like Creatures” and “G.I. Joe Rejects.” As far as I can see, one character has a bow and arrow while another has a double bow and arrow thing, or something like that. Yeah, you see the importance of the RDA Scorpion Gunship now?

So I’m keeping this one short but sweet. The new Avatar toys aren’t entirely bad considering everything about them. They do look cool and have some cool things that go with them, but I can’t see the appeal of the toys since the movie seems to be for adults anyway and the toys themselves aren’t very different from one another. You’ll see a ton of these in the discount bins in a few months since all the stores have been buying these in excessive amounts. If your kid wants one, wait just a bit and then snatch them up when they’ve been clearanced to 50% off or more.

Like a shadow rising from the mist, army men shall never die.

I like toys. I know, we’re talking revelation of the year here. I’m also a guy, so typically whatever toys I’m playing with are required to have some sort of firepower or at least look like they are capable of fighting either each other, or some other toy I have yet to purchase but will feel the need to as soon as I see it. I’ve mentioned that G.I. Joes are the perfect action figures and that Ninja Turtles are the coolest, but I want to go even more old school than those. I’m talking zero points of articulation, absolutely no accessories or outfits or anything. How could a toy still be awesome after all that? Aha, I’ve got you now don’t I? How about if I’m talking a whole squadron of toys? Yeah, let’s talk plastic army men.

The point of the little green (or grey or red or whatever color suits you) men is not regarding pose-ability but rather sheer quantity and simplicity of the design. You can go out right now and pick up a few dozen army men for somewhere in the vicinity of one dollar, pull them out, and start playing immediately. No set up is required and no location is too obscure to wage impossible wars. Kitchen? Perfect. Bathtub? Aquatic misadventures. Cat box? Strange, but you do what you’ve got to do. But to get the full effect of the war you really need a whole sea of the little guys, so drop a ten-spot and load up.

I always liked the way army men each had a personality to them. Sure, you have the standard rifle-toting version, but those came in guys with the rifle sling over their shoulder, aiming straight ahead, crouched while aiming, crouched and aiming downward, aiming up and back, and who knows what else. You’ve got guys with grenades, guys with radios, guys with mine detectors, and guys that look like they do all their work solo with a handgun and a face so grizzled you can sharpen steel on it (I like to think I’d be that guy in the army men world).

There is a lot to do with your plastic soldiers beyond just placing them and enacting whatever battles you’d most like (such as Grizzled McGrizz fighting EVERYONE). I’ve found that they work very well as markers for whatever game you may be playing (add an army man to Candy Land and watch your sister squirm), or even place them on a world map and have an interactive history lesson about World War II (in which Grizzled McGrizz fights EVERYONE). Okay, yes, you can also melt them, explode them, and generally mutilate them, but should you? Should you really? All right, just ask your parents first before using the microwave.

I was lucky to find a set of army men that came with small plastic tanks, helicopters, jeeps, and fighter jets. There were also USA flags and German flags and all sorts of other nations, meaning that my war could be even more elaborate than just the typical run-of-the-mill ground assault. I’m curious if they have boats anywhere.

Something I always wondered as well is if someone ever made an army man playset of some kind similar to something you’d see in G.I. Joes but less complicated, like a battleground floor mat with bunkers and such that you could set up and hide soldiers behind. And then add some structures and traps like nets and catapults (or trebuchets for our hardcore medieval brethren). I want to know if this exists, and if not, why? Also, my patent is pending should it turn out to be the latter.

What I’m really advocating for at the moment is a good old-fashioned get-outside-and-play-in-the-dirt. Army men were built for punishment. That’s why you get so many of them and people have to go through the trouble of exploding them to cause any significant damage. You can literally lose an entire packet of army men in the sand and not feel as if you’ve lost something irreplaceable. You will however feel like you’ve lost your best friend, but only until you go by another bag at the dollar store.

Mutagen Man just barely didn't make the cut. So who did?

A while back I did an article about my favorite action figures of all time: Ninja Turtles. I hardly scratched the surface regarding what they did with the Turtles. Some of the toy line saw awesome Turtles. And then there are these, the 10 Most Ridiculous Ninja Turtle Action Figures.

10. Sergeant Bananas:

This gorilla is actually a ranking officer. Note the banana gun, as if you didn't expect that.

When the Ninja Turtles were hitting their peak, every year saw new figures added. But for the most part we weren’t just getting the same characters in different outfits. We actually saw a lot of new characters added purely for the toy line. Sergeant Bananas is one such example. Now there are so very many mutated animals, like a giraffe that plays basketball or an elephant witch doctor, but what sets Sergeant Bananas apart is his blatantly unoriginal name. He’s a gorilla that also happens to be in the army. “Meh, let’s call him Sergeant Bananas.” This is about as normal as things stay.

9. Muckman:

Take notice of the clothes pin on his nose. He's so disgusting he can't stand himself.

Muckman is described as “Tolerating the Turtles,” which sounds like he’s just kinda there most of the time. He’s basically a rotting garbage man and he reminds me a whole lot of the Toxic Avengers. I wouldn’t be surprised if they intended a Ninja Turtles/Toxic Avengers crossover that never went through. Nothing sounds cooler than playing with a compost heap action figure, right?

8. Dwarf Don:

If you ever wanted a Ninja Turtle with a beard, bam, wish granted.

There were a few figures made for a set of I suppose you could say “Barbaric” Ninja Turtles with Leo, Bebop, and Rocksteady all being barbarian warriors of some sort. However, Donatello got the short end of the stick and was cast as the dwarf. It’s strange because I remember there being a mini-comic packed in with this figure that set up a story that included Mike as a knight, but there was no Knight Michelangelo for some reason. I was always disappointed by that.

7. Spock Don:

Technically First Officer Donatello, but you know better.

Yes, there was a Star Trek/Ninja Turtles crossover toy line with the four turtles dressed as the main four characters from Star Trek. Odd that they didn’t have Shredder dressed as a Klingon or something, but no matter. I could include all four of the Star Trek Turtles here, but just seeing Donatello with Vulcan ears puts things over the top.

6. The Mutant Raph:

Of course he's a mutant! It's the second word in TMNT!

For a few years there were also a bunch of crossover figures with Ninja Turtles and Universal Studios Monsters. Some of them were really cool looking, like the Swamp Thing Leo, but something about The Mutant Raph was overly silly. I was always annoyed because he had some cool accessories but his claws didn’t hold them very well, so they’d just sort of slip around in his grip. Regardless, he was still a fairly cool action figure, but that’s only because any figure with claws was considered cool.

5. Tie: Killer Bee/Needle Nose:

Bee with a chainsaw...

...or mosquito with exhaust pipes? Too tough to call.

I can’t decide here which is more ridiculous. On one hand the Foot Clan has a giant bee with a chainsaw and a seat for a Foot Soldier to hitch a ride. So what’s the Turtles’ answer to a giant bee? A giant mosquito, apparently. Just the thought of a mosquito that large freaks me out to no end. What if Shredder could manufacture thousands of these giant bugs? Why wouldn’t he do that all the time? Even weirder, Needle Nose has a windshield to protect the Turtles from I’m assuming gunfire and smaller bugs splattering them in the face. Something about that just seems wrong.

4. Crazy Clown Mike:

Sure, because we needed a mutant ninja clown at some point.

Ninja Turtles are cool. Clowns are not cool. So when you mix the two, which attribute shines through more? Well, in this case the clown half is more apparent, making this one strange thing to see. If you got this one as a gift (and I did), how did you play with him? Did he attack the Foot Clan with his arsenal of balloons and a pie? Oh, and don’t forget his legs extended as well. I’d think Shredder would just be terrified of this one. A clown ninja does have a scary factor to deal with.

3. Bandito-Bashin’ Mike:

Because all Mexican stereotypes have little cactus buddies.

Okay, Ninja Turtles were putting themselves in any manner of themed costumes, with the two biggest being military garb and athletic uniforms. But then along came the Wacky Wild West line with Donatello the cowboy, Leonardo the Indian chief, Raphael the frontier scout, and Michelangelo the…bandito-basher, whatever that is. The amount of racism here is just over-the-top.  He’s obvious a Mexican stereotype. He even has a knife made from a chili pepper. His weapon is a chili knife! What the heck?! There’s no way this would fly these days.

2. Farmer Don:

Forget the Foot Clan! What about the corn?!

I had Farmer Mike who came with a tractor, a shovel, and a pitchfork. I liked him a lot, but I had no clue there was a Farmer Don as well. Let me tell you, Farmer Don made Farmer Mike look awesome. That should be enough to tell you how absurd this action figure is. Donatello even has a corn-cob pipe in his mouth and a crow with a wife-beater sitting on his tractor. There are no words. And this is only number two. So what’s the most ridiculous Ninja Turtle action figure?

1. My First TMNT:

AHHH!!!

The product description explains that the doll is filled with warm water to make it feel “alive.” Action figures are supposed to be cool representations of boyhood fantasies. They should have weapons and vehicles and general chaos surrounding their features. “Warm” and “wiggly” are not adjectives I would use to pitch an action figure to kids unless the action figure is some sort of worm or snake. Just the thought of bathing Raphael is creepy on levels I’m not ready to deal with quite yet and it tops my list for most ridiculous.

So that’s my list. Did you see some of your favorite Ninja Turtle actions figures up there or do you think I missed some? Let me know with a comment or two. There’s also a good chance I’ll give a run-down of the 10 coolest Ninja Turtle action figures, but who knows?