Weapons of mass fun

One of the first toys you probably had growing up was a Nerf football…well, some sort of Nerf ball. They were simple enough in the beginning but before too long you wanted footballs with fins and whistles and all sorts of stuff that would make you throw like John Elway. Nerf balls are great fun and all, but we all know where the real power of Nerf lies – weapons.

Guns to be specific. You’d be hard pressed to find a more fun-yet-safe weapon than a Nerf gun. Over the years the Nerf arsenal has changed quite a bit and currently they find themselves once again going up against some seemingly tough competition, but let’s be honest…nothing beats Nerf. While at the toy store recently I was amazed at the number of ways companies will come up with to allow kids to shoot each other safely.

The original Lazer Tag. Looks a lot more fun that it was...and no match for Nerf.

Lasers and spit balls

“Laser tag” has become a somewhat common term these days, but there was a time when the name Lazer Tag meant something cool and different. The original Lazer Tag guns and accessories looked very cool – and frankly, they still do – but for all their futuristic style, the fun to be had was kind of limited. Not only did Lazer Tag guns have some trouble in the daylight, you couldn’t see where you were shooting. There was no way to see your shot, so you had no clue how close you were to hitting your target. Even though your shots were always straight, without anything to go by you couldn’t have any fun dodging bullets either. Despite the awesome commercials, you quickly realized that your dives into the dirt were unnecessary and Lazer Tag quickly lost its magic. However, to this day you still can’t bounce a Nerf dart of a series of mirrors to hit your target.

Nerf won the war against laser tag (and has several times since) but now on the shelves next to all the Nerf equipment are new weapons of war, spit ball guns. I don’t know how else to describe these guns because the ammo they use are little bits of paper. You fill up guns like the Max Force long range rifle with tiny paper bullets and add water, then pull the trigger and out comes a first class spit ball, and one that can supposedly fly 100 feet…not bad for a spit wad. And if spit balls aren’t really your bag, next to that gun was the Xploderz Xstormer gun that appears to work similarly, but instead of paper wads it shoots dissolving pellets. All in all, both of these Nerf alternatives work the same way and try to pawn themselves off as more “dangerous” than Nerf but still safe enough that parents won’t care. However, even though parents might see all these guns as safe, the one thing any savvy parent will notice is the need to constantly purchase ammo, something you don’t have to deal with as often in a Nerf world.

A spit ball gun. What happened to a simple drinking straw and spit ball?

This isn’t to say you don’t lose Nerf darts and bullets, but if you’re not too careless your Nerf ammo will last a long, long time. A single pack of Nerf darts will last a lot longer than 100 spit ball bullets that can only be used once. I guess you could say this makes the spit ball guns more like real guns, but who wants a real gun? Even as a kid, a Nerf gun was awesome because half the fun of backyard battles was trying to pick up your used bullets without getting shot. Nerf gun dodge ball. Even today, all I want is a gun I can take to the office and use to shoot my co-workers without any harm and limited annoyance, but a spit ball cannon doesn’t quite meet that requirement.

Office warfare

I’ve always had Nerf guns at work along with many other toys and video games. Video games aren’t for everyone and can be a total time suck, but a Nerf gun is instant gratification with little harm and risk. I have yet to find anyone that doesn’t enjoy squeezing off a few rounds of foam darts, regardless if they’re aiming at a stationary target or a person in the cubicle across the way. A lot of people say shooting real guns is very therapeutic and even though I’ve never shot a real gun before, I can tell you that unloading your Nerf gun in the office can be just as rewarding. And if you have a workplace like mine, then the appeal of Nerf spreads quickly and before too long you’re on the verge of all out war.

Nerf war, the perfect stress reliever for the workplace.

I took my Nerf Maverick to work and within a couple of weeks everyone else had guns too. I guess they were tired of not being able to defend themselves. With half the department armed and ready for a showdown at any minute, it made the work day a lot more enjoyable. Nerf guns are also easier to hide from the boss, so if you need to stash them in a hurry, you can. Of course, you can’t have epic battles all day long, so we would set up other toys and action figures as stationary targets to practice our accuracy, but as anyone who has ever spent time with a Nerf gun knows, they are not known for their accuracy or consistency. Even the fancier guns that require batteries and have motorized shooting aren’t all that great. So the trade-off with Nerf seems to be safety in exchange for power and accuracy, a sacrifice I’m willing to make in the name of fun.

Another great thing about Nerf guns are their variety. My weapon of choice at work is the Maverick, which is pretty tame to say the least, but if you have the means and motivation you can get a Nerf gun that is almost as intimidating as the real thing. Guns like the Nerf Vulcan cannon come with a tripod and claims of being able to shoot three rounds per second. Imagine pulling that bad boy out at work! The range of options in Nerf world let you be anyone from James Bond to Rambo. It’s safe to say there’s a Nerf gun that fits your style and your budget (and your job title).

Definitely quitting time.

Not your normal Nerf

Nerf guns are plenty of fun as-is for most people but that doesn’t mean you can’t make your Nerf weapons do more if you have the time, tools and creativity. You’ll find that the world of Nerf gun modding is pretty big and pretty fantastic. Some mods are purely cosmetic, often turning Nerf guns into favorite movie weapons. Other mods are designed to turn your previously safe Nerf into instruments of real power and destruction…of course, you probably don’t want to take your jacked up Nerf shotgun into the office, but this niche of Nerf is worth admiring.

Nerf will never die

If the last Nerf toy you had was a football, it might be time to give the name another look and see what it can offer. You might consider Nerf guns to be a little juvenile…and they are…but don’t underestimate Nerf’s ability to put some fun into your otherwise boring work day. Nerf has been giving kids of all ages safe fun for more than 40 years and if their current selection of weaponry is any clue, they don’t show any signs of changing that formula anytime soon. You just can’t stop Nerf!

Some wishes do come true

When I wanted to get creative with my Hot Wheels, my mom gave me some acrylic paints and a brush. Of course, that was enough for me at the time. I gave my firetruck a proper set of lights, I turned my white rocket car into a red rocket car and my NASA motor home turned into another firetruck (I had a thing for firetrucks). There was a time when just about every car got a new paint job. I wasn’t too concerned with performance, I just wanted them to look cool. Now lets scoot ahead a couple decades and I’m still customizing Hot Wheels cars, only this time I have a budget.

One of the best things about growing up is you can finally afford all the things you wanted as a kid but couldn’t have for one reason or another. For me, that included being able to make my own Hot Wheels. Painting cars was fun and all, but what kid didn’t want to design and build his or her own toy car? Now I can do all the things I ever wanted with minimal investment…and so can you! With a few cars, a drill, some paint, a free weekend and a little creativity, you can start making your own Hot Wheels…true one-of-a-kind toys.

You won't find this car in any toy store.

Taking apart your Hot Wheels

The first thing you need are some cars. Thankfully, Hot Wheels are still a dollar and you can find them everywhere. Grab a few cars you think look cool and be prepared to throw one or two away, a lot of this is trial-and-error. Next, grab your drill and your set of drill bits. You’ll need a 1/16 bit and a 3/16 bit. Flip the car over and you’ll find two rivets, one in the front and one in the rear. With your 1/16 bit, drill yourself a guide hole. You don’t have to drill far, maybe a quarter inch. Once you have your guide hole, use the 3/16 bit and drill straight down on the rivet until you grind it down to the plastic. You’re almost done! Now flip the car back over and push down on the windshield.

If you’ve done things right, the car should just pop apart. If it doesn’t feel like it’s doing what you want, drill a little bit more on the rivet. It will take a few times to figure this out. Grinding down rivets might not sound too hard, but if you drill at an angle or don’t get the entire head of the rivet, you’ll just spread it out more, making it even hard to get the car apart. Once you get it, you should have a pile of parts in front of you that look something this.

Is there anything more fun than taking things apart?

Your own private Hot Wheels chop shop

Now that you have your car apart, you can pretty much do anything you want. The less-involved things include swapping out wheels and interiors. You’ll find many Hot Wheels cars share the same size axles and wheels, so if you see a car with cool tires you can take those and put them on another body, not unlike when you swapped out the bodies and legs of your GI Joe figures…or was that just me?

Of course, if you want to get serious, you’ll want to strip the body down to the bare metal and start there. I should disclaim that everything beyond some simple wheel swaps requires some items that aren’t child-safe, so be aware that you’ll need some safety gear and should be very careful when handling power tools and chemicals. Now that the warning is out of the way, we can get down to business.

To get your car into its birthday suit you’ll take one of two routes. The first route requires some sort of grinder or sand paper. I suggest using a Dremel – the hobbyist’s best friend – it just makes things easier. You can sand down the stock paint on your car and go from there, or you can just dunk your car into a can of paint stripper and it’ll do all the work for you. Aircraft remover paint stripper is some serious stuff that you can find at your local auto parts store. It’s used to remove real car paint but it will also remove other things, including plastics and even your skin…better wear some gloves. After 15 minutes in the can of goo, your car will come out naked and ready for paint.

I pity da fool that don't enjoy painting Hot Wheels!

The emperor’s new clothes

You can paint your car with any type of paint. I suggest you spray the metal body with a coat of primer first, it’ll help the paint stick and make the color stand out more. Acrylic paints will work but for the best results you’ll want to use some type of spray paint. If you want to go the cheap route, just get a big can of paint from your home store and give it a spray. There is also a wide range of model spray paints that you can find at the hobby store. They come in every color of the rainbow…some glossy, some matte, some with glitter and sparkles…the choice is yours. Make it as a crazy and cool as you want.

Congratulations, you just gave your car an awesome, custom paint job! Adding other things to your car from here is just icing on the cake. You’ll find water decals look great on the car and are very easy to work with. And don’t forget the fun of taking parts from other cars and adding them to another to create your own creations. With a Dremel in your hand you can do almost anything. Take a motor from a car and put it on the hood of another to create a blown engine. There are thousands of Hot Wheels cars out there so the combinations of awesomeness are endless.

Putting it all back together

But wait, we need to put our car back together! If you want your new one-off car to be sturdy and be handled, you have to glue it back together. Assuming you’re done grinding and painting, just put your car back together and flip it over. The holes you drilled at the start should lineup with the rivets you ground down to nubs. With the car together, just drop some super glue into the holes and wait. Although, if you want to go pro, get some stuff called JB Kwik at the hardware store, it’s liquid metal. Mix up a small batch and put some in your drill holes. After 10 minutes the stuff will harden and your car will be as solid as one that just came off the shelf.

Make all your favorite Hollywood movie cars...like Mad Max!

Cheap fun for your inner child

All of this is just scratching the surface of what you can do when you treat Hot Wheels as little 1:64 scale car models. With a little Googling you’ll find some incredible custom Hot Wheels that it’s hard to believe started as $1 toys from the grocery store. I’ve found customizing Hot Wheels is an acceptable excuse to play with a beloved childhood toy because it requires power tools and man’s God-given talent of taking things apart. It’s a challenge, it’s cheap and it’s something you can show off with a smile…I mean, you just made your own toy! Not bad.

If you need some more inspiration, check out 5 Ways to Enjoy Your Hot Wheels. And when you get serious about Hot Wheels, I’ll meet you over at RedlineDerby.com for some real competition.

I joined Google+ a couple weeks ago with the other 20 million people and it’s a nice change from Facebook. I feels like a chance to start over with the people you follow and take interest in. My circle of people is extremely small but even with less than 20 people, one of them posted a photo that really brought back some happy memories. They posted a picture of a card from the Mille Bornes card game.

Lots of cards, lots of fun with Mille Bornes.

Going the distance

Like most of my childhood games, my mother got Mille Bornes at a garage sale. I’m not sure why she bought it. If I had to guess it was because it is a game about cars and, well, I like cars…and it was only 50 cents so you really can’t lose. As was done with many games during those years, we made up our own rules and it was a lot of fun. It was a game we played often, especially because I couldn’t convince my parents to play Monopoly with me all that often. However, as I would learn later in life, Mille Bornes is a pretty complicated game. There are a lot of rules and conditions that dictate when certain cards can be played, not to mention scoring in the game requires a decoder ring and a math degree. There is quite a bit of strategy involved in order to avoid car accidents and red lights while also laying down distance cards that earn you points. It’s a game that is easy to start and addicting in attempts to master.

Mille Bornes is not only a team game that can bring out the best and worst in people, it’s also a card game that is beautiful to look at. As my friend on Google+ captioned in the photo, the cards are a “great balance of style & substance,” and I couldn’t agree more. When I was young it really didn’t matter to me, all I knew is that there were cards with cars on them and some crazy foreign words I didn’t understand (but I did learn a little French), though as a I started a career in design and art, the Mille Bornes cards really stood out and still hold up after more than 50 years in production.

Simple and elegant. Playing card design you rarely see.

The lost art of playing card design

My copy of Mille Bornes is from 1966 and the mod style of the time is alive and well…and awesome. Every card has a great illustration on it symbolizing whatever it is the card does, and then both English and French text. Being a game about driving, you of course have your cards featuring cars, accidents, spare tires and the likes, but the most enjoyable aspect of the cards are the actual scoring cards. The object of the game is to be the first team to reach a thousand miles, so you have numbered cards that total up for your distance. The cards range from 25 to 200 miles (points) and each one has an animal associated with it. For example, the 25 card has a snail and the 200 has a swallow. All the animals make sense except for one, the butterfly, which is seen on the 75 mile card. Between the snail and the butterly is the 50 mile card, which has a duck on it. I’m not a zoologist, but I’d bet you a duck can outrun a butterfly…just saying.

Regardless of how well the animals match up with their corresponding speed cards, they are all perfect examples of how to use icons to convey a purpose while also being a lot of fun to play with. All the cards are printed with a limited color palette which only adds to their charm. Even when I was a kid I knew this game was old and the images on the cards were dated, but that didn’t make the game any less fun. Just because they weren’t shiny and new or embosed with holograms didn’t make me less interested in the game. The game is fun no matter what the cards look like and that’s a real testament to just how good this game is. Some things don’t need to change to continue to be fun and interesting, they just need to be experienced.

More flavors than Baskin-Robbins

Original games are still fun.

I look at a Monopoly, Risk, Uno and a long list of other games from my youth and they’ve all changed. In some cases it’s just cosmetic, as you’ll see with all the licensed versions of Monopoly, but in other cases they’ve reinvented or changed the game entirely. Monopoly is not without its derivatives and I’m sure each one is fun, but what’s wrong with just plain Monopoly? And don’t even get me started on the game of Life because that board game has done a complete 180 since the 1970s version I played (and loved) as a kid and now it’s just not as much fun. They dumbed it down a bit too much.

Okay, before anyone points it out in the comments, yes, I know that even my beloved Mille Bornes went through a brief period of reinventing. The game play didn’t change but they updated the card style with more “realistic” pictures and you know what, they didn’t help the game at all. The elegance of the original deck was lost in attempts to cater to a new generation of players that they seemed to assume couldn’t understand what a card with a snail on it meant. Instead all they got was a game that looked cheap. If you need any proof that the redesign of Mille Bornes was a bad idea, just look for the game on shelves today and guess what you’ll find? The original card designs. I can’t think of a better example of simple being better than this.

Don’t forget your roots

Of course, also on toy store shelves these days are “classic” versions of already classic games. Next to Star Wars Monopoly is a limited edition, all-wood version of the game, complete with collector’s box. It is nice to have these tried and true games in more of an original and elegant form, but I fear these wonderful games in their original state are being missed by generations upon generations of children and adults. I often wonder if kids playing Monopoly Crazy Cash or U Build have or ever will play the original game? Games like Mille Bornes and others are a lot of fun as-is and have been for decades. I’m not saying variations on these games shouldn’t exist, but let’s not forget about these original games. We can enjoy them with our kids and families because they are still a lot of fun and stand on their own quite nicely…plus, if you look in the right places, you can still pick them up for less than a dollar.

Hopscotch

Okay, I can’t say for sure that this time honored game has been lost but I do know I haven’t seen many hopscotch courses on the sidewalks lately. Frankly, hopscotch never made much sense to me. You draw your squares and then you hop. Not very hard. When I played hopscotch with friends we tried to turn it into a real game. I grew up with a giant driveway so my friends and I had all the hopscotch real estate we could ask for and we took advantage of it.

Hopscotch. Boring until you add some real challenge.

Our hopscotch courses were more like obstacle courses than a few numbered squares. We applied the same rules but we drew more challenging outlines that included lava pits, giant spikes, wild animals and the always popular pendulum battle axe. Our landing zones were often far apart and small making the one-footed jump alone the challenge. If I remember correctly, we even had a point system setup for successful landings and certain zones, it was quite elaborate.

So maybe that’s what is missing from classic hopscotch – the game. Where’s the fun? Where’s the excitement…the drama…anyone can throw a rock and pick it up. Trying doing it from five yards away over a pit of snakes.

Tetherball

A popular recess game, tetherball was another game that never made sense to me. It was a ball on a rope hooked to a pole. I think I failed to see the “game” in it and none of my classmates really knew how to play tetherball so we always improvised, creating our own rules which meant no one really knew what the heck was going on. Unlike hopscotch, tetherball couldn’t be saved by creating new rules.

Tetherball might have made sense when a ball on a pole was high tech but by the time I was in elementary school, we had better ideas. The only thing tetherball was used for then was torture. My one clear memory of tetherball involved a kid in the grade ahead of me getting his hand wrapped up in the rope against the pole. This poor kid was just hanging from the pole crying for help with his arm getting squeezed by the rope. Ouch.

Red Rover, Red Rover

Kids running at each other...how bad can it be?

Speaking of pain, Red Rover is another summer game that doesn’t get the respect it deserves. Red Rover was invented on the school playground but made its way to the backyards of America with gusto. And much like tetherball, Red Rover was a simple game that made sense once upon a time but by the mid-80s was a guaranteed bruising. Red Rover was more or less banned from the schoolyard but my friends and I didn’t let that stop us as we took Red Rover to a new level at home. I admit, Red Rover was a brutal game, but that was the point. On one side, you had a line of kids all holding hands. On the other side you had a kid run full tilt at the line in attempts to break through their arms. What could go wrong?

There is, of course, a correct way to play the game but around my neighborhood Red Rover quickly turned into something not unlike a WWF main event. We all came up with ways to both break through the outstretched arms of our friendly opponents and also get around them. Some tried flips, others dives and some just relied on brute force and speed…none of which worked very well. I don’t recall any broken bones playing Red Rover, but there were plenty of bloody noses and scraped knees. Actually, maybe Red Rover is better lost to time, but then again, you have to build up your tolerance to pain somehow, right?

Roller Racer

With every summer comes new fads and the Roller Racer was no exception. I never had a Roller Racer but they were so cool! Part roller skate, part Sit-N-Spin, the Roller Racer was a toy that confused as much as it delighted. The first time I tried a Roller Racer I didn’t go anywhere. I just sat there trying to figure it out (probably swearing), eventually just using my feet to scoot along. Naturally, I thought the Roller Racer was a piece of crap, but once you figured it out, it couldn’t be beat. The Roller Racer was a near perfect balance of rewarding challenge, exercise, and speed. When you got good on the Roller Racer you felt awesome, like you just solved an ancient riddle, and if you could do tricks with a Roller Racer it was even more special. Of course, tricks on a Roller Racer basically meant being able to go backwards and do a 180 but hey, a trick is a trick.

The Roller Racer didn’t last long, probably due to its confusing method of motion, but I don’t see it being any different than the wiggle skateboards I see kids riding down my street on today. Their fun will pass just like the Roller Racer did. I might look for Roller Racer to make a comeback eventually, everything else does…and this time Roller Racer would most certainly be a “new and fun” way to exercise and burn off all that video game weight.

Jarts

Otherwise know as lawn darts, Jarts is another game kids of today will never know because of the so-called “danger” involved. Out of the box, Jarts isn’t much different than horseshoes; Opposing teams stand 10 yards apart and attempt to toss aerodynamically enhanced spikes into a ring on the ground. Okay, so Jarts was little more than throwing tiny javelins, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t fun and couldn’t be enjoyed properly. I am happy to report that none of my friends got hurt playing Jarts despite us doing our usual thing by turning a simple backyard game into something a bit more epic.

Look at how happy they are! We used to have fun with Jarts, why can't we now?

My friends and I did away with the teams and turned Jarts into a solo competition, each of us getting points depending on how close we got to the rings. We usually had several rings in the yard, each with different point values depending on their distance away from us. I know that doesn’t sound too special but consider that the rings were in the next door neighbor’s backyard with a tiny obstacle in-between…and that obstacle was the garage (or the house). Yes, we blindly threw mini spears over the roof hoping to land near the point rings. Of course, none of us were stupid enough to stand in the landing zone, which is apparently more than I can say for some kids because thanks to them, Jarts got banned in pretty much all of North America by the 1990s.

Get out there and play!

You may have noticed a pattern here. Most of these classic summer games haven’t been seen in 20 years due to their lack of safety. However, I’d like to go on record by saying that I never got hurt playing any of these games, nor did my friends (except that tetherball kid, but he wasn’t really a friend). Games are only as dangerous as kids make them, and…well…my friends and I did our part to up the risk factors, and while that was most stupid of us, I look back at those years with much fondness. Kids today will probably never experience many of the summer games I enjoyed, but I like to think that children are still doing their best to “improve” on the games of summer.

Want some more summer activity suggestions? Try these out:

-Backyard Shenanigans: Simple Backyard Toys for Spring

-Drench With Power: A Super Soaker Retrospective

-Too Much Awesome Podcast: Episode 5

When you stop and think about it, the truth is that Mr. Potato Head is actually a dress-up doll, one that can be enjoyed equally by both boys and girls without the binaries of ‘this is what a girl should play with’ or ‘this is appropriate for boys’. The gender labeling of the toys themselves are even a curious misnomer.

Although Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head exist as separate models, Hasbro’s own product catalogue labels several accessory packs that would be stereotypically considered “female”, such as the Parts and Pieces Glamour Spud, the Mermaid Spud, and the Parts and Pieces Princess set, as being suitable for your Mr. Potato Head. Maybe Mr. Potato Head enjoys dress-up a little too much?

Mr. Potato Head’s feminine side. Shown are Glamour Spud and Parts and Pieces Princess Spud.

Jokes aside, the ungendered quality of today’s tater is actually a result of years of product evolution and changing safety regulations.

The original Mr. Potato Head kit actually was gendered, because the 1952 kit consisted of a plastic body with a huge spike for a neck that would be attached to the fruit. You would push a potato or apple or whathadyou onto the spike, creating the figure’s base, and then poke the eyes, nose, mouth and ears into the fruit to complete the toy. When Mrs. Potato Head’s kit came out in 1953 she actually had a different body mold, with a rounder figure, feminine shoes and a dress. They were the toy celebrity couple before Barbie and Ken, who didn’t reach the market until 1959 and 1961 respectively – Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head were even featured in LIFE magazine!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, circa 1953 – note distinct gender molds for the bodies.

Naturally, as the years went on, a toy with a 3-inch spike on it became unkosher to give to little kids. In 1964 the equation was swapped around – both due to government regulations and possibly as a response to criticisms of ‘food wastage’ – a brown plastic ‘potato head’ was made by Hasbro. All the points of the pieces were rounded off, but the two distinct Mr. and Mrs. bodies retained slightly smaller pointy necks.

In the 1960’s, the first commercial tie-in packs appeared: Donald Duck, Bozo the Clown and a special Mr. Donut Head cross-promotion with Dunkin Donuts. Of course, the parts for each of these were all interchangeable. Primary accessories from the 60’s were Wild West, Masquerade, Circus, On The Farm, On the Railroad and On The Moon. Each came with a cardboard backdrop and a variety of strange pieces, some of which were repeated between sets. Some were intended for use with real vegetables rather than the plastic potato head, reflecting the crossover between versions.

From this era, the Picnic Pals are a quite obscure spinoff line, not well known today and difficult to locate.

Picnic Pals circa 1966.

In the 1970’s, the line began to diminish. The plastic potato head was darkened by several shades, and at this point the original body attachment disappeared entirely, replaced by just two simple plastic feet. Additionally the holes on the potato head became standardized to slots. Mrs. Potato Head disappeared from the line in 1973, no longer having a separate form of her own – she was only an add-on pack. She would not return as a separately labeled item until 1992.

Only a handful of kits – the Fire Chief, Sheriff and Lady packages – worked with the 70’s model potato. The strangest and rarest of all Mr. Potato Head accessory packs also hail from this era – the Fish, Bug and Bird sets. These sets include wobbly legs, wings, antennae and psychedelic-style beaks.

Literally the only available picture online of the Mr. Potato Fish, Bird and Bug sets.

The tater we know today took shape over the 80’s. The plastic body was retooled again, first to have attached arms and later detachable arms that could bend. A trap door backside was added to let kids store unused pieces inside the potato. It retained a slot for feet, and the slots on the body had been returned to peg-holes. The potato was now the entirety of the toy rather than one component. Kids were once more free to stick arms in ears and eyes in mouths. Finally, the signature pipe of the figure that had been a staple of the line since its beginning was swapped out for a pair of running shoes in support of the American Cancer Society’s “Great American Smoke Out”. (He also received a Presidential Sports Award in 1992!)

Accessory packs from the 80’s were somewhat thin on the ground except for the Bucket of Parts released in 1987 and the Super Silly Mr. Potato Head bucket in 1989 which featured muscle arms and crazy hair in extremely bright colors.

The release of Toy Story in the 90’s provided an explosion of attention for the tater. With Don Rickels providing the voice of the cynical spud in the box office smash, Pixar’s inclusion of the toy sent Mr. Potato Head skyrocketing in popularity, and a massive amount of new accessory kits and packs emerged. Some significant packs from this time were the Sheriff, Tool Belt, “Prima Spuderina” (ballerina), Pirate, Santa and “Cottontail” (rabbit, with a pull-on pink suit with ears!).

A clever variant of the figure from 1992 was the Soft Stuff Potato Head, which was a plush toy with Velcro-backed parts. Even more than the peg-version, these parts could be attached to literally any point of the soft body. Meanwhile, it’s possible that the re-release of Mrs. Potato Head as a separate character in 1992 was done in response to and preparation for the 1999 release of Toy Story 2, where the character was prominently featured.

As of 2011, there are over 100 separate team-specific versions of Mr. Potato Head, representing collegiate and pro teams. In this last decade the line has seen a tsunami of cross-merchandising- a real boom for collectors. There’ve been Star Wars spuds, Indiana Jones spuds, Transformers spuds, Spider-Man spuds, Elvis and KISS spuds… and in late 2011 there are plans to release Star Trek spuds too! Some special and cool new variants have emerged, like the “Silly Suitcases” for each model with over 40 mix and match accessories and body parts. There are even pets- the Spud Buds- a dog and cat.

Art from PPW Toys depicting planned Star Trek Mr. Potato Head licensed toys for late 2011.

Underneath all the ears, noses and funky plastic eyes, the Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head bodies are now the same simple plastic shape with slight color variations. There once was a meaningful difference between the two, but that’s no longer true. Kits that work for one also work for the other. Moms and dads concerned about gender stereotyping in their toys might like a Potato Head as an inoffensive alternative to the Barbie/Hot Wheels dichotomy. Boys and girls get exactly the same experience with the toy. The kits are ridiculously low priced- as low as $4 for some accessory packs and around $20 for a Silly Suitcase with full figure included. At these prices, and with a huge variety of dressing options to boot, everyone can and should have a spud of their very own!

Cassandra, when not writing about media and randomness at her blog, cassandrapoe.com, prefers her nongendered potatoes dressed with butter and garlic.

Want more on the classics? Check these articles out:

-The History of Rainbow Brite

-Drench With Power: A Super Soaker Retrospective

-Throw Your Hands Up and Your Hands Back: A PEZ Retrospective

Hallmark credits 16 individuals with “character development” in the credits of the 1985 Rainbow Brite movie, and out of that list two individuals appear to have been particularly critical to the line’s overall creation. Artist G. G. Santiago claims the lion’s share, stating she was the creator of the original Rainbow Brite collection. (She also created the My Little Kitchen Fairies figurines for Enesco). Another important name is Kora Oliver, who is listed in several places throughout the years of the line; not only in the credits for the 1985 movie but also as “Creative Consultant” on a second video from that year, and as the illustrator for the 2004 children’s book Rainbow Brite Saves Christmas.

Meanwhile, All in the Family and The Carol Burnett Show head writer Heywood “Woody” Kling wrote all of the formative episodes for the 1984 TV series: “Peril in the Pits”, “The Mighty Monstromurk Menace” and “The Beginning of Rainbowland”. He passed away shortly after completing these scripts, and later, his widow would file suit against the companies involved over creative credit and royalty issues. Rich Rudish was the character designer for the series, and directed a number of episodes, while the actual animation was done in Japan.

The original dolls were issued by Mattel in 1983 in several different sizes and styles. They’re still pretty affordable these days! All of the Color Kids were released as 11” dolls, which came with support “sprite” minidolls; most of these figures average about $25-55 in mint condition; considerably cheaper if loose and out of box.

Rarer are the 15/16” dolls, of which only four Color Kids (Rainbow, Patty O’ Green, Canary Yellow and Red Butler) were made. The cost nowadays is about the same as the 11-inchers, but they are said to be much harder to find. Four super-size 18” dolls, anywhere from $40-75 MIB, were made of Rainbow Brite, Patty O’Green, Shy Violet and Baby Brite (the Chibi-Usa of the RB line.) There are 12 soft and cuddly Sprite dolls too – 6 boys and 6 girls – and their prices are anywhere from $2-$50, depending on condition.

The horses (Starlite and Sunriser, suitable for crossover with Barbie figures) are actually much harder to find, and the late-series characters Moonglow and Tickled Pink are fairly difficult to find- don’t expect to locate them for anything less than $75, and that’s as loose figures.

The line has been recently (as of 2009) given a total overhaul – not only revamped and redesigned, but also simplified and streamlined by Hallmark and United Media. In the 80’s, there were seven unique Color Kids as well as Rainbow Brite and an army of Sprites – each representing each particular hue in the spectrum – and just one horse (Starlite), who was Rainbow Brite’s arrogant, prideful steed. The Color Kids, Sprites, and Rainbow protected Rainbow Land from the bumbling and histrionically evil Murky and Lurky, a pair of goofy evildoers from Rainbow Land’s ‘bad side of town’, the Pits. The original dolls were puffy and cute, but not very glamorous.

In the 2009 edition the line has been reduced to three figures, glammed up quite a bit and now more closely resembling the Bratz. The Color Kids are nowhere to be found, the Color Castle has been considerably redesigned, and Rainbow Brite, who Hallmark called a ‘toddler’ in the 1980’s version, is now considered to be anywhere from seven to ten- years-old. While she remains the guardian of all things color and rainbow related, relative newcomers Moonglow and Tickled Pink represent the night sky (moon) and dawn sky (sun). Each of the girls now has their own horse, which are each basically recolors of Starlite.

Except for Rainbow, all of the “new” characters appeared very briefly in or just after the release of Star Stealers, and never made a major impact in the original 80’s line, since they were introduced just as the original line was starting to peter out. It seems that movement and development on this version of the line has stopped. The fourth ‘Sky Power’ has still been left unnamed as of this writing in 2011, (speculation is that Stormy was meant to complete the group as the spirit of weather) and the official site has a sparse, under-populated feel.

Most of the reaction I found on the web to the new designs is profoundly negative. Hallmark has been left in the awkward position of having to deal with a frozen property. Nostalgia for the original has crippled the line from two sides: the 2004 re-release of the original dolls bombed because its look was outdated in the face of the modern market, and yet the same older collectors that refused to buy the re-releases also raged loudly and often at the redesign and refused to support it. Younger consumers simply had no connection to the line because they had no idea what it was – there was no support for it in other media except for a couple of honestly cheap-looking flash animations on the official site.

What a gloomy mess! 25 years later, is all that’s left of Rainbow Land to be just a lot of broken dreams? Don’t let it end this way, Hallmark!

“What if we can’t fix everything in time?” asked a nervous Twink. “We just have to,” answered Rainbow Brite. “Rainbow Land looks about as cheery as the Pits.”

Cassandra writes about media and randomness at her blog, cassandrapoe.com. She’s still looking for that magic key that turns any door into a gateway to Rainbow Land.

Want more on classic toys? Check these out:

-Vintage Robot Toys

-Spring-Loaded Serenade: Exploring Nerf

-Mr. Potato Head: Under the Tater Skin

It turns out there are a lot of them. A whole lot, especially if you go looking for ‘tin toy robots’. So I figured I’d just pick a handful of the more unusual ones I came across in my browsing to show today.

Remco 1969 Wizard of Oz Tin Man Robot

As soon as I saw him, I fell in love- and not just because he walks like a man! This toy is just all kinds of adorable, even if he’s more Tik-Tok than Tin Man, and not terribly accurate to either film or original illustrations. He radiates charm with his cute pink cheeks, inviting smile and wry eyes, and the detailing of the three rivets on his head is quite nice. His body clashes with his head, although the arms are also well designed, and if I had to guess, I’d say that manufacturer Remco may have taken another toy robot sculpt and added this Oz head to it.

Remco’s most notorious and sought after robot figure these days is their version of Robbie the Robot from Lost in Space; collectors have come to find that figure particularly desirable, and the value of an original Remco Robbie has jumped to almost $900 at some auctions. Remco hasn’t produced anything under their own imprint since Swat Kats in 1994; Jakks Pacific currently owns the company.

Gabriel 1978 Mickey Mouse Wind Up Robot

Mickey was manufactured by Gabriel in 1978. Gabriel Toys has an interesting history; they were purchased by CBS, the television network, and mutated into CBS Toys, a video game manufacturer, which distributed ColecoVision. Later the company was sold to ViewMaster, ultimately to become part of what is currently Mattel when ViewMaster was sold in turn.

This robot toy is interesting because by today’s standards it’d be considered “off model”- the eyes are too close together and too small in size, giving it an inauthentic feel. This seems unusual when Disney has been so notoriously obsessed with quality control of their merchandising and the maintenance of their mascot’s good appearance. The windup mechanism being inside a clear jacket is a cool touch, though.

Ideal Mr. Machine 1978 version

There’ve been several releases of Mr. Machine. The original dates back to the 60’s and rang a bell in addition to just walking. The original toy could be taken apart and reassembled, like a primitive K’Nex or a motorized LEGO set. At one time Mr. Machine was even Ideal’s company mascot! In an interesting and curious coincidence, Ideal was also sold to Viewmaster in 1987.

The 1978 reissue, of which this auction is one piece, was retooled heavily. Critical changes for child safety reasons were made, including making it so that the toy couldn’t be dismantled. Rather than ringing a bell and ‘sighing’, the 1978 release whistled “This Old Man” when wound up.

Cheng Ching 1970’s Space Warrior Robot

Ah, the delicious taste of hilariously obvious bootlegs. As this sort of thing goes, though, this one’s pretty entertaining, a combination of Darth Vader and an Imperial Stormtrooper that walks, rotates and presumably does not use Force powers to choke people. “Space Warrior” was manufactured in 1985 by Cheng Ching (also known as C. C. Huang), a Taiwanese company well known for thinly veiled knockoffs of figures from other lines.

For example, their Nebular Warlords line was blatantly “inspired by” Masters of the Universe – although I do quite like the fact that their He-Man figure, “Iron Man”, rides a rhino rather than an armored cat. They also created a strange hybrid of Dairugger and Voltron in 1985 and released three robots under the group name of The Botix Warriors.

Unknown 1970’s Diecast Japanese Transforming Robot Figure

And last, dear readers, I leave you with a mystery item. Just what the heck is this? I’ve done quite a bit of googling attempting to identify this strange pre-Transformers figure. I can’t even tell what the heck it’s supposed to be in its disguised mode – some kind of speaker? A cigarette case? The world’s oddest paperweight? Sadly, the images for the auction don’t reveal very much, giving no maker mark or model, and the robot itself is almost featureless.

All we know is that the toy is Japanese, originates around the same time as the first transformable toy figures and may either immediately date to or follow shortly after the same time period as Daiclone and Microman – though without the technical and artistic innovation of either. It’s years too early for Machine Robo as well, since that series began production in 1982. This rather more reminds me of the watch-transformables or the novelty Coke-can transformer – it’s got zero points of articulation to speak of, just a bendy neck and solid arms that go in and out of its sides. And why was it diecast? Not all toys get the diecast treatment after all, although it was much more common back then.

Have we found a Mesozoic changer, some lost and forgotten relic from the prehistory of transforming toys? Drop a comment if you can identify any aspect of this odd little changer.

Cassandra writes about media and randomness at her blog, cassandrapoe.com, and dreams of having her very own mysterious robot companion someday…

Want to read more articles about classic toys? Check these out:

-Forget-Me-Nots: My Lone Ranger Action Figure

-Mr. Potato Head: Under The Tater Skin

-The Plastic Wars: A Retrosepctive on Army Men

In some cases, it’s a great thing. Case in point: some vintage celluloid toys. Celluloid is basically one of the early forms of heat-moldable plastic, a precursor to polyethylenes that has long since fallen out of disfavor because of its high flammability and tendency to decompose over time. Celluloid was intended to replace china, porcelain and ivory as a lower-cost material for children’s toys, allowing kids to actually play with their figures, an act that was much harder to do with the other kinds of material.

Now, there are some genuinely cute and charming vintage celluloid toys out there, especially celluloid animal figurines. But then there are some that will haunt your waking moments. I found a few auctions on eBay that are just plain creepy for one reason or another.

This vintage 60′s Astroboy figure just doesn’t look right to me. I’m getting serious Uncanny Valley vibes here. Is it the creepy “Dr. Tenma took apart a Ken, a Barbie, and a baby doll and fused them together with a head from a Bob’s Big Boy to make the world’s least adorable Junior Frankenstein” look, or the stubby little hands, or the fact that the boots aren’t removable but the shorts are, or maybe it’s the perky man-chest on a little boy figure? Or is the scariest thing about this the asking price of a whopping $5475 for Buy It Now?

And those eyes. They don’t look at you, but they still see you.

They see everything.

Likewise, this winding tricycle doll. Someone actually bought this. They paid $675 for it.

Right now, as of the writing of this article, that same amount of money could get you a lot of 16 Palisades Muppets exclusives, or an 18 piece mint condition Masters of the Universe Classics toy set, or 26 Beast Machines figures, or even a 1983 Kenner Boba Fett – (sorry, Eltingville Club fans, the price has gone up!)

Note the creepy tin legs that don’t match the rest of the body proportions; that glassy, unseeing look of frozen anxiety. A rare specimen of an extinct line. They mostly come out at night now. Mostly. They still haunt some rural areas, after dark, pedaling, pedaling, the rusty squealing of their old tin construction eerie and hollow on the cracked old roads.

Vintage Celluloid Japanese Winding Dog Toy

And then sometimes, they squeak. They clutch their little balls and shake and squeak the squeak that warns you the end is near. The jaws come almost unhinged, all the better to swallow little celluloid mice and birds’ eggs and your immortal soul.

It doesn’t even make the sound of a dog- it sounds more like a parrot, some kind of bird, something that chirps. It shivers in place and its eyes lock on with such sadness. It seems to cry out for oblivion. Help me, it pleads. It’s like the vintage toy equivalent of a Pomeranian, one of those tiny toy dog breeds that shivers and pees all over things because it’s been ruthlessly bred down into someone’s idea of “cute” and can’t defend itself. Auction is set at $325.

Baby Doll in Cardboard Peanut Shell

Speaking of inappropriate definitions of cute, you’ve got to be kidding me. The description of the auction calls this “cute and different”. That’s putting it mildly. If you honestly consider finding a baby with bizarre arms suffocating in plastic wrap inside your peanuts cute, I think we need to have a serious talk. Paging Laura Palmer, paging Laura Palmer…

Stick this on your coffee table – it’d be one heck of a conversation starter!

“So, baby in a peanut, Bob? How much you pay for that?”

“$85.”

“Oh god, seriously? Why…? No, wait. I don’t think I want to know.”

JVZ Celluloid (Pluto?)

Be utterly honest with yourself – really, deeply honest. Would you want one of these toys – any of them – staring out at you from your toy shelf or bookcase at three in the morning after you’ve had one too many, the lights are dim, and tree branches are scraping at the window while the wind howls?

I understand nostalgia and the drive to collect and that rare pieces don’t necessarily always have contemporary aesthetic values- and that what one person considers horrifying another might consider cute or precious. But honestly, these pieces are just unnerving, and the asking prices are even worse. Is this really what the market is willing to pay just because something is old?

Cassandra writes about media and randomness at her blog, cassandrapoe.com, when she’s not hiding under the sofa in fear of the advancing celluloid army.

Beginning as a wooden toy company in in the village of Billund, Denmark in 1932 by master carpenter and joiner, Ole Kirk Kristiansen, the name Lego was formally adopted by the company in 1934, and comes from the Danish phrase “leg godt”, meaning “play well”, although they later discovered it also means “I put together” in Latin. Handy, eh?

The First Foundations

Lego Duplo was first launched internationally for children under five back in 1969, and the bricks came in four colours: yellow, blue, white and red. Designed for children from 18 months to six years, Duplo bricks were the larger, more toddler friendly version of their older sibling. Twice the height, width and length of standard Lego, they were much easier to use and also made for a handy missile to throw at friends, family or the babysitter when the opportunity arose. Duplo became a product brand in 1975, and has been renamed twice, to Lego Preschool in 1977 and Explore in 2002.

Let’s Get Complicated

But after the simplicity of Duplo, and the adventures of Lego Space and Pirates had worn off, there was Lego Technic which soon became the ultimate big (geek) boy’s toy. Created in 1977, and originally known as a Technical Set, or Expert Builder Sets, Lego Technic was comprised of traditional studded construction of previous Lego sets, but also had a number of new parts which were designed to reproduce realistic technical functions. Axels, plates, wheels, tyres, and gears were just some of the special parts that allowed these sets to move. Launching with just four sets, which included a tractor, helicopter and a forklift, Technic has evolved into a sophisticated motorised toy phenomenon, with fans of all ages from all over the world completing to produce new products in the monthly Lego Technic challenge.

I suppose I would. Poker is a lost skill. People my age spent twenty years learning exactly how to manipulate Tetris blocks, where the best place to shoot a zombie is (the head), and the insanely complicated rules of the Pokemon card game. Those same people never learned how to play poker in any form. If you are one, please follow my drift here; “Poker Face” is not just a pop song.

First lesson: This is usually a good hand to have.

The Different Games

Poker comes in many different variations. The simple Five Card Draw is what video poker is usually based on, and it is the easiest to learn. Start with that if you know little to nothing. We’re talking five cards for each player, and you try to create the best combination of cards. Don’t like the cards you were dealt? No biggie. You get one chance to draw new cards and discard lame ones. Simple, eh?

The more complicated games include Seven Card Stud. In this one, you get seven cards, and some are hidden from your opponents, while others are exposed. This is a much better game to play if you want to bluff, or play the player instead of the cards, but we’ll talk about that later.

I’m a personal fan of “Indian” Poker, which includes a card on each player’s forehead that they never see. The most popular game these days is, of course, Texas Hold ’Em. This game should be played by experienced poker players. It is the same concept as Five Card Draw, except you get two cards, and the rest of your hand is selected from a group of community cards on the table. The drawback to this game is that it is only interesting with a high amount of betting.

If you take the time, poker becomes so simple even classically painted dogs can play it.

Strategies

There are several things that a poker player needs in his or her arsenal in order to do well and enjoy the game. The first big thing is learning how to bluff. A bluff is not an outright lie or announcement of, “I have a really good hand and you will lose.” This does nothing but ruin the game. A skilled bluffer artfully and deliberately bets in a way that keeps others guessing. It is all about perceived risk.

This brings up a big discussion among card players: playing the cards vs. playing the other player. If you play poker, you can either strategize based on the cards in your hand, or you can play based on what the other players may have. The most skilled players can win a hand regardless of the cards because they can read other people and con them. Beginners should stick to playing the cards, however, because it helps teach them the fundamentals of the game, and it pays off about half the time.

If a player is a math genius (unlike me), they have a bit of an advantage. Factoring in the variety of cards in a deck, the number of hands, and the probability of what the next card will be, some Hold ‘Em players can predict what cards their opponents are holding. This is known in some circles as playing the odds, and it is risky. But knowing that there is a 34% chance of getting a flush versus your opponent’s 22% chance of getting the six-card that he wants may help your game.

Some things in life are just simple joys. Poker is one of those things.

The Purity

This is why poker is such a beautiful game. No one can claim electronic interference, or bugs in the system. It is a pure game of skill and luck combined for an extreme dose of entertainment. They say that the adrenaline highs and sorrowful lows of winning and losing at poker are more intense than cocaine…and they are less disgusting, illegal, and dangerous as well.

All a poker game requires is a table, a deck of cards, and some participants. It is the cheapest game system out there. Learn the lost skill now!

Want more articles on party games? Check these out:

-I Am Scattegories And You Can Too

-How To Beat Your Friends In Board Games

-Game Cards Do Not Actually Talk: A Guess Who? Retrospective

The best ideas really are the simple ones. Look at that funky-fresh font, too!

In 1969, an inventor by the name of Reyn Guyer approached Parker Brothers with an indoor volleyball idea. They weren’t interested in the game at all, but the soft foam ball that it included was a revelation. After all, how many parents would buy an inexpensive indoor toy that was safe for kids and mantelpiece chotchkies? A whole bunch of parents would. About four million, by the end of its debut year. Later on in toy history, Hasbro acquired Nerf when they bought out Tonka. Since then, Super Soakers (the fabled water gun that Chris and I have been squealing over) have been designated as Nerf products. I guess Hasbro has decided that a gun (Blaster) is a gun (Blaster, darn it).

While the original ball was made from polyurethane, the trademark foam that characterizes the product line has since been changed to a polyester mix with a special compound, and topped off with a carbon dioxide release. Sounds very scientifical, but it all amounts to one big detail: the carbon dioxide release is what causes the holes in the foam, making it light and soft.

Coming to a cubicle near you. Or possibly a waste basket, just to make file-destruction fun.

In 1972, a big staple of Nerf was released in the form of NerfHoop. Offices around the world became filled with cardboard-box backboards, plastic hoops, and ninnies trying to make a three-pointer from the water-cooler. Of course, they were shooting with a Nerf foam basketball.

This baby really brought new meaning to "long bomb." And it whistles...why not!

But the most lucrative toys to bear the Nerf name always will be the Nerf Blasters. Handheld toy guns, rifles, and even bow-and-arrows were developed primarily in the eighties. Each one fired foam darts, and came in gloriously bright colors.

My first Nerf Blaster. It had a super-secret barrel built into the grip...that they advertised on the side of the gun.

In the last few years, the Blasters have become so much more sophisticated, with entire arsenals being developed for more tactical battles. The Nerf N-Strike set now includes various beauties that still attract me in the toy aisles today. The genius of this product line is in the amount of customization and tactical choices that kids (of all ages, which includes me) can make.

There are different ammo types, ranging from slim, aerodynamic darts to flashy glow-in-the-dark ones to scare a burglar. Many of the N-Strike blasters come with rails for attachments (scopes, flashlights, extra ammo, etc.) and optional barrel extensions. Also, the folks over at Hasbro have finally eliminated the one drawback to Nerf Blasters: reload time. Instead of painstakingly gathering every dart, and loading each one manually into a Blaster—or worse, trying to find them in your pockets during a fight—the N-Strike rifles come with a hop-up magazine system. And every clip is universal for the other guns.

If there are two N-Strike weapons that really stand out, it is the Maverick pistol, and the Longshot C-6 sniper rifle.

The Maverick was a must-own for the dorky guys I hung out with in high school, because it is a Nerf revolver. That’s right, Dirty Harry is carrying foam ammo, suckers. Imagine the idiotic splendor of Russian roulette with Nerf. Yep, I did it.

Revolvers never go out of style. There's something romantic about them, even if they shoot foam darts.

As for the Longshot, I got so excited when I finally got to mess around with one. It has a bipod. It has a scope. It has a slot for an extra ammo clip. It also has a detachable barrel that becomes a back-up pistol. Did I mention that it works off of a spring-loaded bolt action, like a real sniper rifle? Don’t get me wrong, the scope and bipod are kind of rubbish, and the pistol part is useless, but any kid would be the proud owner of the three-foot-long behemoth.

I like to keep this one with me...for close encounters.

Kyle’s Big Idea: So, I’ve been kicking around the idea of a big, playful firefight with my buddies. Since laser-tag makes me sweat like Marlon Brando, and paintball is always full of jerks with their own equipment, I thought my future Bachelor Party should include an epic Nerf battle. This will be complete with slow-motion dodges, Oscar-caliber death scenes, and a mandatory Mexican Stand-Off. My arsenal will be thus: a Maverick revolver, an off-brand repeater rifle (made under the Air Blasters product name), and the newest N-Strike sniper rifle, the Longstrike CS-6.

Bah! Who came up with this?! Give that man a 21-dart salute...or maybe a 210-dart salute with this monster.

Why? Because we can. Now I have to practice my catchphrases from “Hot Fuzz,” since I’ll have enough firepower to rival an entire English village. Sure, I’ll get pelted a lot while trying to put on my sunglasses in a cool way, but that’s what Nerf teaches us: how to cope with being hit by projectiles…and how to hit that sucker back. Positive play, eh?

There he is. He could kick all of the butts.

We’ve hit our Friday of the week, and at the moment, Kyle and I are rather busy with some big things (we’re recording a separate, legit podcast with a very special guest). That means I’m going to keep today light and nostalgic, which lends itself to a Forget-Me-Nots, the segment Kyle came up with but we haven’t been doing enough with. For today then, join me as I remember one of my favorite toys as a youth: My Lone Ranger Action Figure.

Time for the timewarp. WOOSH! Okay, wavy lines and spacey music just kicked in, and now we’re in Chris’ childhood circa 1989. My grandmother, Grandma Barbara, probably one of the greatest grandmas the world has even seen, had one of the greatest rooms in the world known only as “The Toy Room.” You can probably surmise what was in this room, but for me, one of the coolest items was a simple Lone Ranger toy from even before I existed.

This is how he looked in my head.

The toy was nothing complex. Lone Ranger’s head could turn, his arms would move at the shoulder (though they were completely loose, so they couldn’t be put up and stay there), and his legs bent at the knee and the hip. Because his joints were so loose he could hardly even stand up, and he was missing his guns or his horse Silver, but for some reason I couldn’t get enough playtime with him.

I ended up taking the Lone Ranger toy from my grandmother, either by accident or design, and incorporated him into my daily routine. The most basic storyline I came up with involved the Lone Ranger and three G.I. Joes I owned, one of which was Lifeline. For the first few months I had the Lone Ranger fight the G.I. Joes until Lifeline became a good guy as well, making him my official Tonto. Does that make sense? Of course not, but I was five.

My plots were better than theirs.

As time went by, I eventually added more Joes to the mix, always as bad guys. More and more Joes showed up with new powers and such until I got one that looked like Chuck Norris, making him the ultimate villain, far beyond the Lone Ranger’s capabilities. This meant I had to add a new hero character, and because my child logic was unbiased, the only black Joe I had became the new most powerful and therefore coolest character in my storyline. I’d have the Lone Ranger hold back, instead just training the new guy (Lifeline was naturally jealous), until he had to step in and show he was still the strongest, ala Master Splinter. The Joes never did relent, but unfortunately my series was canceled before the final inevitable battle, so we’ll never know what happens.

While the Lone Ranger has become the Woody of my life, I know he’s still there in my closet should I ever decide to finish the fight. But there’s no way I’d ever let him go and pass him down to someone less than my own flesh and blood. Hopefully my son finds him as awesome as I did.

What're you lookin' at ya hockey puck?

He’s a staple of many childhoods. He’s a supporting character in a successful blockbuster series. He’s a family man. And he’s a snappy dresser, too. Mr. Potato Head has had a long history, and is one of the most famous and instantly recognizable toys in the world. How did this mustachioed vegetable rise to super stardom? Well, let’s take a look…under the tater skin.

A Starchy History

Back in 1950, toy inventor George Lerner devised a set of body parts that could be affixed to real vegetables in order to make funny little dolls. The pieces made their debut as a prize in breakfast cereal packages, and the lucky kids that received them had to find their own potato, yam, or other produce in order to put together a funny-faced man.

The concept really took off in 1952, however, when Lerner sold the idea to what would become Hasbro. The company released body part kits under the product name Mr. Potato Head, for $0.98 per kit. Kids still had to provide the potato, but the toy took off like a shot and sold over one million kits in that first year. This is due to Mr. Potato Head’s milestone marketing: the first toy to be advertised on television.

Fun fact, they actually tried to market Oscar the Orange and Pete the Pepper. For some reason, they didn’t catch on…hmm.

By 1953, Mrs. Potato Head was released, and a number of other variations surfaced. But it was in 1964 that the entire line of toys got a facelift. The molded plastic potato body was introduced, and food was no longer used for tomfoolery (or so parents thought). In 1975, unsurprisingly, the parts of the toy doubled in size to prevent children from choking on them. This sparked a sales boom from the toddler market, where ol’ Spud Head is found today.

Aw, he’s so jovial looking. Makes me want to cuddle with my baked potato before dinner…um, forget that last part.

The toy really hit a high point with the release of the first Toy Story film in 1995, in which he was a supporting cast member. Due to a marketing tie-in with Burger King, Mr. P.H. was also the hardest “kid’s meal” toy to find ever, as well as the spokes-spud for Burger King’s infamous change of their fry recipe in 1997.

These days, Potato Heads are offered in many varieties. In 2006, he was given a variety of careers and outfits like firefighter, chef, mermaid, and Santa Claus. Recent years have seen him dressing up like other Hasbro toys, with a Star Wars run of Darth Tater, Spud Trooper, and R2-POTAT-OO, and a Transformers-themed Optomash Prime and Bumble Spud. There’s also a Tony Starch (Iron Man), Taters of the Lost Ark (Indiana Jones), and even a Spider-Spud/Peter Tater variant.

Wow, that is high-concept. This is like one of the Funky Bunch dressing up as Marky Mark.

Yep, things look good for Mr. Potato Head, as long as he remembers to pack his angry-eyes, just in case.

Looking for a bit more on Mr. Potato Head? Then check out our follow-up here.

Want more articles about classic toys? Check these out:

-My Little Pony: A Retrospective

-Guys and Dolls: A Male’s Retrospective on Barbie

-The Privileged Childhood: A Power Wheels Retrospective

-The Yo-Yo and Why You Should Have One

-Forget-Me-Nots: Mutating Michelangelo

You can't get much more classic than this.

Kyle and I touched on the Super Soaker during Episode 5 of the Too Much Awesome podcast, as well as during Kyle’s list of his Unattainable Toys from youth, but it’s summer now and along with that has unfortunately come heat. Fortunately for us kids and adults pretending to be kids, the Super Soaker still hasn’t gone out of style. So prepare for war because Super Soakers are getting their just desserts today.

A Historical Account of the Water Armory

As Kyle mentioned, the original version of the Super Soaker was called the Power Drencher, and yes, he’s correct in saying the world would be a very different place if we all had Power Drencher 300’s or something. Power Drencher works better as a Gatorade line, not a toy. God bless the Super Soaker folks for the foresight.

So we know it was originally called the Power Drencher, but who invented it? Well, the Super Soaker’s inventor is a man named Lonnie Johnson, a man that also worked for NASA. Naturally, the guy who invents the world’s most popular water gun has also worked on space shuttles. Only makes sense. Anyway, Johnson looked at the basic design of squirt guns at the time and realized, “Hey, these suck,” so he came up with an inexpensive method to use manually pressurized water tanks instead of simple squeeze or squirt triggers. The results are, as we all know, awesome.

Awesome like this kid, who's clearly rocking eight degrees of hardcore right now.

The Choices When Arming Up

Taking a look at the official Super Soaker line over the years has confirmed to me that as a kid there was indeed a number system in place to differentiate size and water-usage for each particular Super Soaker. The standard was the Super Soaker 50, but as Kyle pointed out, he got the Super Soaker 30 because his dad was a jerk. I honestly don’t remember which size I had, but it was just the right size to deliver a powerful drenching. Oh, I see where the name came from. Okay, carry on.

Anyway, Super Soaker expanded its line to include bigger and better guns that improved both the durability of the material and provided better water reserves. Larger water tanks and extra bulbs were added on some models, as well as an instant-fill nozzle on the front, allowing you to attach a special Super Soaker-reloading cap on a garden hose and then press your gun tip-first into the attachment, quickly refueling you for your water-based battle.

This is the standard Super Soaker these days. I don't know, kind of feels like it's missing something. Maybe ugly yellows and greens?

I always thought the biggest Super Soakers were the coolest, but they were really ridiculous when it came to water consumption. The Super Soaker 1 Million seemed like a fantastical toy, but I saw it get used every so often and realized it probably wasn’t that cool. Unless you had a flash-refueling tip on it, you weren’t doing much once you ran out of water. Like you have friends that’ll refuel you mid-battle? I don’t think so.

Apparently there is a whole subculture of Super Soaker aficionados that know how to modify your Super Soakers to provide a change to your liking. For instance, a very basic mod has you breaking off the aperture that regulates water output, meaning you can shoot a whole tank of water pretty much instantly. Or perhaps a more advanced but extremely useful mod, removing the pressure relief value and sealing the gap allows you to increase your Super Soaker’s power. Then again, you could fashion a larger reservoir tank to allow for more water to be fired before refilling. It’s just staggering to think about.

Since it’s probably going to remain hot out there, I’d recommend picking up a Super Soaker or two. Right now the most popular version is the Super Soaker Wars Rattler Water Blaster, though there are tons of new models to look into depending on taste. Now all we need is a Nerf article. I think I’ll make Kyle do that next week.

Everyone has owned a PEZ dispenser at some time in their life.

Kids love candy and kids love toys. What better product to hit that core demographic than a candy dispenser that looks like a toy? Enter PEZ. Or rather, enter PEZ decades ago. After a bit of research, I have determined that PEZ is, and always was, awesome. What better place to talk about the toy candy dispenser than here at Toy-TMA? Grab your preferred PEZ flavor housed in your favorite cartoon character’s head and let’s get started.

A Delicious and Efficient History

As with all good articles (more or less), we should start with the basics and the history of PEZ. PEZ can trace its origins back to Austria in 1927. Yeah, that’s right, PEZ wasn’t even an American thing at all. In fact, PEZ gets its name from the German word for “peppermint,” Pfefferminz. The creator, a confectioner named Eduard Haas III, derived the name from the first, middle, and last letter of Pfefferminz, creating the strange yet wonderful word PEZ, usually spelled in all caps as I’ve been doing, so deal with it.

Although it’s difficult to imagine, PEZ didn’t always come in the dispensers we’ve come to know and love. PEZ first came packaged in small tins, similar to Altoids. Eventually the “regulars” type dispenser was created to look like a small cigarette lighter. The reason for this was because PEZ were marketed as an alternative to smoking. Add that to another reason why PEZ are great for kids.

I swear, these are for kids...I think. Was I talking about candy?

PEZ wouldn’t make it to the United States until 1952, and it still wasn’t until 1955 when someone got the idea to place heads on the top of the dispensers. As it turns out, PEZ had been marketed mostly to adults until then, but the shift towards the character heads placed the core demographic at children, as well as collectors. Pretty standard heads first appeared, such as Mickey Mouse and Santa Claus, but over the years more popular cartoons and icons have been ported over the candy dispensers.

Collecting Candy for a Living

That’s why you still remember what PEZ is today, though please note, PEZ inc still considers itself a confectionery company rather than a toy company. This, of course, hasn’t stopped collectors from paying exorbitant amounts of money for what amounts to a candy holder shaped like Bugs Bunny’s head. The highest price anyone’s ever paid for an official PEZ dispenser is $7,000 for a Mickey Mouse softhead model, apparently a factory prototype never released to the public. That’s $7,000. That’s a whole lotta candy tablets right there.

I wonder how much Seinfeld's PEZ dispenser went for...?

But do be careful in your quest to collect every and all PEZ dispenser. Because of the value and rarity of some dispensers, fakes have popped up everywhere. One guy paid $11,000 for what PEZ experts (don’t ask me who they are) later proved via chemical testing was a really, really well made fake. That’s the point I draw the line with collecting. Also, where do you get experts like this? Not a single science teacher I ever had mentioned that there was a career in PEZ as long as I kept my grades up.

Quick question: Who were the first people to be turned into PEZ dispenser heads? For the longest time, PEZ had a rule that they’d never make a character head based off of a real person’s features. That’s why the first three were Betsy Ross, Daniel Boone, and Paul Revere, mostly because their character heads probably didn’t look anything like them but just had accessories that let you know who they were. That was in the 1970’s, but in 2006 the Teutul family from Orange County Choppers where made as the first PEZ dispensers to be crafted after the likenesses of real people. Elvis would soon follow the next year, then the cast of Star Trek in 2008 and the cast of The Wizard of Oz in 2009. I don’t know who’s getting the PEZ treatment this year, but it could very well be the cast of Lost, if my intuitions are correct.

Guess which set I think are awesome?

The of moral of the story is, PEZ is great. Simplistic, yes, but very true. Plus, and PEZ will be happy to hear this, the candy is delicious as well. Heck, as a kid I’d routinely forgo loading the cartridge, choosing instead to just nosh on the whole pack at once. Who was gonna stop me? My parents? “Hey, at least I’m not smoking,” I’d say. And I still haven’t smoked to this very day. Thank you, PEZ.

Making puzzles is so cash, yo.

You may not know this by looking at me but I love me some puzzles. I’m talking literal puzzles here by the way, not like word puzzles or mind puzzles or something. Physical “connect one piece to another” puzzles usually sprawled over a foldout card table for a month or more. Why do I love puzzles? Because they’re so simple, yet they’ve done a lot over the years to throw some curve balls my way. Want to hear more? Of course, because what else are we gonna talk about? E3? I don’t think so!

Puzzle Me This

When I was a kid I had the usual handful of wooden puzzles that all kids typically owned. While I certainly had the obligatory wood puzzle with basic shapes like a car or a house, I had a few that were a little cooler. My grandma had dinosaur wooden puzzles that where actually huge chunks of wood that fit together to make the shape of a brontosaurus or something. Those were extremely cool, and I keep looking and seeing companies like Melissa & Doug doing the same sort of thing. Then again, they seem to love wooden toys, so it only makes sense.

Okay, maybe my grandma's puzzles weren't this cool.

I found myself always checking garage sales for puzzles once I became a little older, constantly searching for the next coolest puzzle ever. While I found a few Ninja Turtle puzzles, some of the cooler simple puzzles I found were G.I. Joe puzzles that interconnected. There were four puzzles with like two or three hundred pieces each and though each was contained to its specific picture, the four puzzles connected together to form one giant puzzle. Sadly I only found three of the four, but the effect was still very cool to me.

My parents had a great many advanced puzzles in their closet that would make it out every so often for a family puzzle session. These were extremely difficult puzzles with pictures such as a piece of hay in a stack of needles, a pile of fun-sized candy bars, or just a puzzle that’s front picture was purposefully designed to mislead you as to what the actual picture was. There were also the occasional 3D puzzle, but those were a one-time build before just setting them on a shelf or something.

Everyone tries the 3D globe puzzle at some point in their life or another.

Probably the most epic day of things related to puzzles occurred when my father and I were at a mall and happened upon an all-puzzle store with a guy standing behind the counter that had to be the Grand Puzzle Master. Naturally, he looked like he hated his life. What made this better were the three Puzzle Geeks challenging him with asinine puzzle-related questions. One walked up asking if they had any puzzles without edge pieces, to which the Grand Puzzle Master said they had a selection in the back corner. The next geek tried his luck with the question, “Do you have any puzzles with extra pieces thrown in to trick the puzzler?” Obviously they did, and they were on the shelf behind the geeks. The last guy thought he had him with the ultimate, “Do you have any blank puzzles?” The Grand Puzzle Master reached below the counter and pulled out a blank puzzle box. The Puzzle Geeks were defeated and the Grand Puzzle Master sighed his sad little sigh.

Still, none of these could possibly compare with the massive floor puzzles I found one day at a hobby shop. Did you know you can get a puzzle with 18,000 pieces in it? I don’t know why you’d want it, but you can get it from Ravensburger, and if that isn’t even enough, there’s a 24,000-piece puzzle as well. That’s ridiculous.

Behold the behemoth of puzzles. I kind of want this now.

That’s all I can say about puzzles for the moment though, mostly because I don’t currently have any. I wish I did, but sadly there is no space in my apartment to make a puzzle. Some day, but not today. In the mean time, what about you? Are you a puzzle fan? Or do you just hate puzzles? Let me know with a comment. I dare you to challenge the Grand Puzzle Master.

Let the boys keep their turtles and such; I've got Pony Power.

My Little Pony filled the gap. In my world (and the world often depicted in the My Little Pony TV series), there were no humans; just ponies, cute little purple dragons, and various comical fuzzy creatures with raspy voices called Bushwoolies. What was so special about My Little Pony versus other horse-related toys was that they were magical. They had a symbol on their flank corresponding with their magic or particular interest, which also corresponded with their name. The pony that I most remember having, after extensively searching My Little Pony Collector and almost panicking when I thought that maybe my favorite had been a knock-off, was Princess Royal Blue, who was actually royalty (of course) and had a crescent-moon shaped medallion on her flank which was actually raised a bit to the touch, rather than just a picture stamped onto the surface. She was blue with dark pink hair and pink tinsel, and she was AWESOME.

Here she is. Isn't she magical? Yes, yes she is.

The My Little Pony line began with six “Earth” ponies in 1982 and they came with a little comb for their luscious hair. The hair was one of the things that made the ponies so special- their bodies were some mixture of plastic and rubber, but their hair was just like that of a Barbie (except usually much more colorful), so it could be brushed, styled and mangled- essentially the best of both worlds! This is one of the main reasons that I think the popularity of My Little Pony quickly exploded. That, and the ponies were different. Any company could make a pony toy, but a pony toy that comes in dozens of colors with different patterns, poses, and styles? Genius. The variations were endless- among them were seahorses, baby ponies, and ‘Sundazzle’ ponies which were taller and more slender, with crimped hair.

There are just too many variations to cover in a short article! I barely mentioned the TV shows, movies, playsets, or the current abominations they’re selling which are nothing like the My Little Ponies of yesteryear, (of course everything that I played with as a kid was naturally better than anything they have now). Suffice it to say that My Little Pony was so successful that after a brief hiatus the toy line made a comeback in the early 2000’s, and seems to be just as successful as before. And now I have the song stuck in my head. My Little Po-nee, My Little Po-nee….

She's still going strong, but what do I care? I'm a dude.

If you haven’t been paying attention, I’m a boy. Shocking, yes? I was born a boy, grew up a boy, and am currently still a boy. This is relevant because today I’m going to talk about Barbies. What could a boy possibly say about Barbies? Plenty, because while I grew up as a boy, all my friends were girls. Plus, Barbie is still incredibly popular these days, so it’s time for a follow-up article to the most famous girls’ toy from a boy’s perspective. Grab your pink convertible and let’s go for a ride.

The Exhaulted Backstory

The year is 1959 for those keeping track. No, not for my childhood, for Barbie’s. Barbara Millicent Roberts was created by Ruth Handler in an attempt to replicate a German doll named Bild Lilli. That’s right, Barbie may just be a replicant of her German ancestors. Would that make her any less successful? I seriously doubt it.

Anyway, Barbie came out way back when and held strong from her inception to yesterday (I haven’t checked today, but I assume she’s still Mattel’s star product), and eventually her life and mine intersected around the late 80’s and early 90’s. I was busy with my current love, Ninja Turtles, but I also had another love: girls. Girls were awesome and I was a smart child, so it was inevitable that I’d find the usefulness of Barbie.

My Childhood With Barbie

That was a pretty sweet house by the way. Totally inconvenient, but pretty sweet.

Sure enough, my friends that happened to be girls (not girlfriends, unfortunately) coincidentally enjoyed Barbie just as much as the next female. The standard models of Barbie came into play, such as Barbie in a bikini, Barbie in an elegant dress, and naked Barbie, a staple of every Barbie collection. Her sisters were in the mix, too, with Skipper, Stacie, and Krissy tagging along in the pink cars to the convenience stand that Barbie owned for some reason or wherever else my friends decided these dolls should go.

I found a nice way to compromise while playing, of course. I had a few G.I. Joes that were the same size as the Barbies, so I’d bring those along and they’d fight right in front of Barbie’s hotdog stand or whatever it was while she swooned. I assume my friends were making her swoon and that sound wasn’t just them getting bored. Even better, I had a Ninja Turtle the same size as well, so Michelangelo got in on the Barbie action a few times, fending off Joe and Ken at the same time.

By the way, I was never quite clear on where Barbie and Ken stood. I knew they were together, but then Mattel came out and said the two broke up in 2004 or something and then got back together in 2006, but I didn’t buy it. Their romance was never genuine, a fact I could see by the fake smiles they always had on when seen in public together. Ken was so lame to me even as a guy that I’d refuse to play as him, opting to be one of Barbie’s friends or sisters or whatever, as long as I wasn’t Ken.

I prefer this Ken, personally.

From a guy’s perspective, Barbie had a lot of cool stuff. I mean, she had dozens of playsets and accessory packs. While it didn’t really interest me to look at clothes and shoes, I could relate insomuch as G.I. Joes had accessory packs with guns and suits and stuff, so the two worlds weren’t really so different. I could definitely see the appeal of all the playsets as well. Barbie had a dream mansion with a real working elevator. None of my Ninja Turtle playsets had a real working anything, let alone an elevator.

My sister had the Barbie Dream Mansion, a super Christmas gift my parents got her one year that even got ME jazzed. Heck, that thing was huge. Plus, I guess I liked my sister. She had a few Barbies but nothing outrageous. Probably the coolest thing I remember seeing her do was gather all her Barbies in a circle, and when we’d asked her what they were doing she said they were having a Bible study. When we’d look back at the circle, our cat, Alex, had grabbed one of the Barbies by the hair and drug it under my sister’s bed where he proceeded to lick its face. Yes, he was the manliest man cat of all man kind.

That’s about as far as I’d like to remember Barbie at the moment, but I know for sure that when I have a daughter, I’ll be getting her a Barbie as soon as possible. But what about you kind folks reading out there? Do you have any good Barbie memories? Or do you prefer not to think about her? Let me know and leave a comment. I have to go play with Ninja Turtles in the meantime to rekindle my manliness. Please excuse me.

Is this exciting? As a picture, no, but as an activity, slightly more.

Not long ago I found myself at my Norwegian professor’s house for a barbeque with other Norwegian students (ja, jeg kan snakke norsk, er det bra?), and during said barbeque the weather was just nice enough to make full use of his backyard for some bocce ball. I had never played, but apparently I was very good. Afterward it got me thinking about some other backyard games I’d played in my childhood, and since summer is peaking right around the corner, why don’t we cover some of these activities? Alright, let’s go!

Step One: Get a Yard

So we can start with bocce ball since that’s the most recent game I played. The game is incredibly simple with two teams lined up, each with four large ceramic balls (minds out of the gutter, please). One person tosses a smaller white ball and the teams attempt to toss their bocce balls closer to the white ball than the other team. Very, very simple. I’ve found the best method is to throw with a high arc rather than a roll. Most backyards are likely to bounce your bocce everywhere, but a high lob will result in your ball thumping down into the grass, thus losing momentum and stopping basically wherever you threw it. It’s simple science! Plus, it’s also very cheap to get into.

In the same vein is the game of lawn darts, though I forget is these are still outlawed. Why would they be outlawed? Because you’re hurling small javelins around. Eventually some kid got injured and the game was banned. If you can’t come upon one of these elusive deadly versions, I’d suggest Tic Tac Throw, a version of lawn darts that uses bean bags instead. You toss them into a tic tac toe board and try to get a tic tac toe, obviously. Safer than darts but still fun.

Maybe this is why croquet doesn't conjure images of excitement in kids' minds.

While horseshoes are simple enough, you really need a sand pit to play them correctly, and if you don’t have that in your backyard, then I don’t see much of a point. Croquet is another sport that requires your yard to have some form of shape before attempting play, but it’s simple enough to find a patch of grass flat enough or at least devoid of bumps enough to allow decent play. Naturally though, kids will see large wooden mallets and use them for anything other than croquet. It’s just the way nature works. As soon as you explain how you can strike one ball through another and it’s all over, you’ve lost them to the dark side of physics.

Step Two: Get Some Friends

Probably the best game for kids to play in their backyard is tag. If you don’t have a backyard big enough for tag or your kid doesn’t have enough friends for tag, well they just have a miserable childhood, don’t they? There are dozens of variations of tag from the simple “You’re It” version we all know and love to the more hardcore “Freeze Tag,” the advanced “Band-Aid Tag,” or even the ultimate huge party game, “Ghostbusters Tag” where four kids are the Ghostbusters and go around tagging the other kids, Ghosts in this scenario, sending them to an area designated the Containment Unit. When there is one kid left, he can free everyone else by running up to the Containment Unit and pressing something everyone decided is the Release Button and becoming a hero to the group. Then again if you’d rather not infringe on copyrights, just go with a simple Flag Tag where everyone has two flags clipped to their side and everyone attempts to be the last person who still has a flag on their side. They’ll get hours of really good exercise just trying to grab a little rubber flag from their once-friends, now naturally their most-scorned adversaries.

This has nothing to do with tag, but it was the first thing that popped up in Google for "tag," plus it has tigers.

This is just a short list of things to play with in a backyard, but give your kid the chance and they’ll think of something else to do. In the inevitable instance that it’s raining and you’d rather not have your kids all wet and muddy, declare that the floor is lava and let them spend the afternoon hopping from item to item in your living room. It’s really a choice between destroyed furniture or kids coated with mud. Tough call.

Take away the slime, the Ghostbusters sign, and a few details, and you see my childhood. I just might buy it on ebay.

“What do you mean you gave it away!?” I screeched at my mother, the full complement of my nine-year-old lungs bursting forth in disbelief. She wouldn’t have. She couldn’t have.

She totally did.

My dear mother had made a grievous error by donating my Ghostbusters firehouse building to charity. Did she not understand that the firehouse could act as any building, for any game? It was the center of every game for my entire life at that point.

I remember clearly that my older brother and I staged an epic sequel to “Jurassic Park,” wherein the survivors from the original are trapped in that firehouse, and must escape the dinosaurs and make it to my father’s desk.

I’m 21 years old now. I don’t have much time to play, and what I do have is usually given to the Internet, video game systems, or my truck (Ford F-150, not Tonka). I miss the hours I spent on the carpet, peering into that hollow hunk of plastic and imagining all the things I could do in there, if only I could stay up later.

Thanks to the miracles of technology, I looked up my old buddy, the firehouse, on ebay. Just looking at it, I wish I could stage one more epic battle between my American Gladiators on the roof. The price isn’t even very high on some of the firehouses for sale, but I know I shouldn’t.

It’s a tragedy that I’ve grown up. I belonged on that carpet, making hushed explosion noises and wondering if I should become a professional idea man.  I don’t blame my mom for donating it. I do blame myself for growing up. What other toys do we all miss? What other toys defined our adventures as kids?