Yesterday I gave my list of the Top 10 Best Pokemon according to me. Of course, we can’t talk about the best without diving into the worst. We’re nearly at 500 Pokemon now, so it’s unreasonable to think they’re all going to be winners. These are my least favorite Pokemon, so much so that they don’t even get the same Deviant Art treatment the Best received. Just generic stock-photos. Ready? Let’s go!
Porygon was one of those Pokemon you had to either work for to get or find a friend with a spare to just hand you. The only way most of us friendless slobs got a hold of these things was via the Slot Machines in Celadon City. After either playing a heck of a lot of winning slots or just buying the needed coinage to trade for a Porygon, we were rewarded with a Normal-type shape with pretty much nothing remarkable about it. This lead to incredible buyer’s remorse and a desire to just let it sit in my computer’s box for all time.
In the current generation, Buizel showed up in all its cuteness and I thought, “Oh how cool! An otter! Wonder what it’ll turn into?” I placed it on my team, regardless of the uselessness of doubling up my Water-type Pokemon, and trained it until it turned into a Floatzel. Whereas Buizel was a cute Pokemon, worthy of challenging Pikachu in that regard, Floatzel was this horrifying spectacle of poor art design choices. I looked at it and instantly thought it looked like a 40-year-old mother, but also a cross dresser, so I came to the conclusion that Floatzel is actually a 40-year-old dad with serious issues. Booted from my party forever.
Any time I caught a new Pokemon I’d always wonder what it could possibly evolve into. In some instances, the desire to know would fuel an extended play-period just so I could train it to a level I’d be satisfied with, such as 20, 36, or in extreme cases 55. Every so often I’d come along something like Shuckle here and think, “Okay, wow, he looks really stupid. This thing has got to evolve into something really awesome.” After a bit of time going through the motions of training it, I became doubtful that it’d turn into something better. I realized that Shuckle was meant to be a “Wall” in a team, a Pokemon used mainly for absorbing mass amounts of damage instead of other Pokemon while you set up some strategy, but I didn’t like to play with that much skill. I just wanted to catch everything and I wanted everything to eventually look cool. You disappointed me Shuckle. You disappointed me bad.
I wasn’t sure what to make of Smeargle when I caught one. It had a paintbrush for a tail and an artist’s cap on its head. Alright, that’s wacky enough for the game I suppose. But it was a normal-type, usually a red flag for me that it’d be fairly bland play-wise. Smeargle’s only attack is Sketch, a move that lets you copy a foe’s previous attack permanently. What this means is that Smeargle is a Pokemon that requires a lot of work to get just right. You have to have it fight the right Pokemon with the right attacks in order to make it really useful. As I previously said, I never cared to put forth that much effort, so Smeargle never found a use in my party.
If you could see a trend here, it’s that I hated Pokemon that had disappointing evolutions. The whole game was about taking smaller animals and making them bigger, more powerful animals. If it couldn’t evolve, I was bored with it. If it evolved into something lame, I was ticked right the heck off. Omanyte was one of the latter. While Omanyte itself wasn’t offensive, just looking like the usual first-stage Pokemon, Omastar looked like a child’s idea of what it’d turn into, i.e. something with angry eyes and spikes. I was severely let down, especially after seeing what Kabuto turned into. I felt robbed, but I always knew which fossil to choose from that point after.
Probably my biggest disappointment in terms of “unexciting evolution,” Togetic hurt me more than I’d prefer to remember. I had been watching the anime and saw repeatedly that Togepi had some crazy power hidden within it. I kept wondering, “What is it going to transform into?!” When I got my Silver version and my Togepi, I was psyched. I made it a primary party member for as long as it took to evolve it. What I didn’t realize is that there wasn’t a set level required for it to transform, but rather an amount of trust built up. This was new to me, so after it got to a ridiculous level for a Togepi, it finally evolved into Togetic. And I was…underwhelmed. I expected the transformation to come along with a huge jump in power and the like, but nothing of the sort came. While not an awful Pokemon, for the amount of work I sunk into it I was severely saddened that it didn’t instantly learn something like “Earth Shatter” when it evolved. That would have been great.
Ugh, I didn’t know what to think when I caught Dunsparce the first time. I could see in the Pokedex that the next spot was reserved for Gligar, so there wasn’t the chance that Dunsparce was evolving. It was just a snake thing with wings. A Normal-type snake thing with wings. There was absolutely nothing about Dunsparce that made me want to use it or even look at it for longer than a second or two. It had no personality and no great moves to act as initiative to use the lame thing. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why it existed in the first place, but I think it comes down to just needing filler Pokemon. Yup, the designers needed something to make the Pokedex full, so whoever made Dunsparce just tossed it on the pile and the others went, “Yeah okay, whatever.” Couldn’t be worse though, right?
You’re kidding me. Luvdisc doesn’t evolve into anything and nothing evolves into Luvdisc. It’s completely contained to the one stage without any decent moves or abilities. I can’t think of a single person who would waste a slot in their party on this quintessential filler Pokemon, unless they were purposefully mocking their opponents. I really have nothing more to say about this one. It’s dull, so let’s move on.
Silver and Gold version both introduced an extended segment where you can catch this strange new Pokemon called Unown. The thing that’s supposed to make it so special is that there are 28 different shapes of Unown to catch since, as you figure out rather quickly, there is an Unown for each letter of the alphabet, exclamation point and question mark included. Is there anything useful in battle about Unown? Nope, not really. Its only attack is Hidden Power, a move that requires extra work just to see if it’s useful at all (seriously, there is an algebra equation to determine the type of attack and the power of the attack, which varies by each individual Pokemon), and as I’ve already said, I’m not going through a bunch of extra work to enjoy my game, so a big ol’ No Thank You to Hidden Power and especially to Unown. What happens if you collect all 28 Unown? Uh, nothing except a feeling of severe disappointment. At least, that’s what I encountered.
Here we are, at the number one worst Pokemon according to me. Why is it Bidoof? Because Bidoof is a sorry Rattata wannabe. Bidoof falls in the category of “Throw Away” Pokemon since it’s one of the first you can catch in Diamond and Pearl, but you’ll almost instantly realize that Bidoofs suck. I managed to evolve mine out of sheer curiosity and got a Bibarel, a nonsensical Pokemon due to its dual-type of Normal/Water. Why would you need a combination like that? It provides immunity to Ghost moves, yes, but it also provides a weakness to fighting-type moves, which are more commonly found everywhere. The reason I’m not faulting Bibarel for disappointing me is that I had no notion that Bidoof would become something great. In fact, Bibarels are exactly what you’d expect Bidoofs to turn into, so no fault there. No, Bidoofs are the single greatest punchline in Pokemon games, and that makes them the worst Pokemon of the series.
Thus concludes my list of the 10 worst Pokemon. Did you see some of your favorites on the list? Or are there some that I didn’t include that pushed you to a fit of rage when you caught or encountered them? I’d like to know, so leave a comment and forever enshrine your hatred of Bidoofs just as I have. I’m just glad they weren’t around to ruin Pokemon Stadium, one of my favorite Pokemon games, when it was at its peak of awesomeness (though these days a used copy will run you under $5).
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