All too easy

We’re spoiled when it comes to game guides and help these days. Walkthroughs and FAQs are a dime a dozen online, all of them different depending on who wrote it…and all of them also varying quite a bit in quality. We’ve all used them at some point; it’s just a fact that some games require a little extra help. Of course, we all know that just because you know how to do something in a game doesn’t mean you can actually do it, so I hesitate to consider any of it cheating.

Minecraft is a perfect example of a modern game that requires all sorts of extras to have a good time. You have wikis, apps, how-to guides and everything in between just a click away. Having all these extras really helps make the game that much more fun because you’re not just trying to do well when playing the game as you’re also trying to stay organized and manage all your external resources. However, I can’t help but long for the days when you had more physical goods to play with…you know, actual maps and guidebooks. What’s not fun about maps? You fold them up, stick them in between the pages of your favorite gaming magazine, and take them wherever you need…sometimes even just taking them out to admire them when you’re not playing.

Dragon Warrior, my first RPG

One of the first true RPGs I played as a kid was Dragon Warrior and it came with more gaming swag that I could have dreamed of. Sometime around 1990, Nintendo Power magazine ran a promotion that offered new subscribers a free copy of Dragon Warrior and I was one of the thousands of kids that begged mom and dad for an early birthday present. I knew I was getting the magazine and a free game but I didn’t know that the game was going to be delivered with a treasure trove of extras, all of which I still have today.

The complete Dragon Warrior swag collection.

They packaged the game with two fold-out poster maps of the overworld and dungeons, a guidebook filled with hints and tips, and an “Adventure Guide,” which was little more than a piece of cardboard with the level progression on it. One map had all the dungeons on one side and a title poster on the other, which did hang in my room at one point. The other was also double-sided with one side being the overworld map showing the expected topography and on the other side a chart showing where you would be most likely to find every possible monster. The guidebook was pretty bitchin’ too since it outlined just about everything else you would need to know about the game. Level charts, weapon guides, and town layouts were all covered. The guidebook was the equivalent of an online walkthrough you’d find today, but was much better thanks to lots of illustrations, screenshots, and the fact you could have it next to you while you played. The guidebook did everything except give away the ending. It told you everything you’d need when fighting the end boss but it didn’t tell you how to beat him or what would happen when you did. It was a guide in the truest sense of the word: It helped you but didn’t give you any real answers.

With all of these maps and guides, I remember wondering what type of game this would be if I really needed all this stuff…but boy did I need the help. It took me forever to complete Dragon Warrior even with all the extras, so I can’t imagine playing through the game without it. The amount of level grinding needed in the game along with its vast game world combined with slow movement tested your patience as a gamer, and Dragon Warrior, probably more than any other game, showed me early on that I am not an RPG gamer. I had more fun with all the maps and guides than I did playing the game itself, which is probably why it took me so long.

When was the last time you had an actual gaming guidebook?

Merchandising, merchandising, merchandising!

I know you can still find books, maps, and guides on shelves at the store today, but when was the last time you actually bought one? Actually, the better question is, when was the last time you bought one because you really needed it? Sure, if you’re a fanboy (or girl) you’ll probably buy anything with the game’s name on it…books, toys, videos, underwear…whatever. We don’t buy the stuff because we want to enhance our game play; we buy it because we want to be better than the next fanboy. And that’s fine, but wouldn’t it be fun to get back to basics and have something to show for your hard work? (Or is gaming not really hard anymore?)

The Internet makes gaming a lot easier, and I’m not saying we should shun these glorious tubes but I’d like to see us as a community take some more pride in playing the games rather than just churning through them so we can cash them in at GameStop as soon as possible. All the game maps I had as a kid made me fall in love with games that I might not have otherwise liked. Games like Metal Gear, Zelda, Section Z, and even Golgo 13 are all childhood favorites not because they were good games (some were, some weren’t) but because they all came with extras that had me engaged beyond the controller. I felt like a pro thanks to all this extra gaming gear and it wasn’t because I went out of my way to get the stuff; most of it came with the game when you bought it. No internet needed and I got some great gaming artifacts.

The map that came with Section Z. Decoder ring not included.

Loss of an art

I didn’t start this article with the intent to touch on the digital-only future of gaming, but in a way it sort of is. Downloading games is convenient, affordable, and offer quick access, but what are we losing in the process? Well, not much it seems because when was the last time you got something extra with your game when you bought it at the store? Maybe if games came with more stuff like they used to, people would still buy games in boxes…wait…nope…no they wouldn’t, they would just wait for one person to buy it, scan it, and put it online. So I guess the days of gaming maps and guidebooks are gone forever, but at least I have some stuff to prove that gaming used to require more than just a web site.

All that being said, I really don’t have much ground to stand on because I’ve spent hundreds of dollars on digital downloads and DLC. Hey, I might miss the old days of gaming but that doesn’t stop me from enjoying today’s games.

10. Vegeta Doesn’t Actually Have a Heart:

"I'm so sad...there were so many people i still wanted to kill..."

One of the most impactful moments of the series has to be Vegeta’s (first) death. Instead of a moment of bro rage, like his second sacrificial death, he’s taken a severe beating from Frieza and knows he’s going to die. Goku arrives on the scene and instead of just saying, “Go get ‘em,” Vegeta begins openly weeping as he explains why he, and all Saiyans, are the way they are: Frieza gave them no choice but to be bloodthirsty killing machines. In a fit of tears, Vegeta lays it on the line and begs Goku to finish the fight because, essentially, Vegeta was a scared little boy who was kidnapped from his father.

And then Vegeta comes back and he’s overjoyed at the thought of getting to fight with the pew-pews and the Saiyan Pride once again. In fact, within the first five minutes of resurrection, he’s threatened Earth, mocked Goku’s inevitable death on an exploding planet in front f his son, and generally been a real D-bag. So Vegeta opens up and says he’s only bad because Frieza gave him no other option, and now that Frieza’s dead he remembers, oh yeah, he loves being an evil SOB. Speaking of which…

9. Vegeta Dooms Everyone Because He’s Impatient:

Pff, thinking is for losers. Besides, I still have more people I want to kill.

None of the characters of the show really think things through in the long run, but none fewer than Vegeta. He’s so in the moment that he forgets some critical and obvious details, such as what letting a super power villain become even more super powered would actually mean, or believing that because his power level is higher than his opponent at this one second, there couldn’t possibly be any way for that to shift dramati- OH GOD HE POWERED UP A LITTLE BIT MORE I’M DOOMED!

Vegeta’s flip-flopping costs everyone a whole huge headache during the overall Cell Saga as he has two separate chances to end all their problems. First, he could have fought Dr Gero and destroyed him immediately after blowing up Android 19, but he didn’t mostly because he felt it would be more fun to see what Android 17 and 18 would be like to fight. And then he gets beaten stupid and everyone gets mad at him. Luckily, Vegeta gets a chance to train in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber (let’s not get into how huge of a plothole that is) and returns so powerful that he can beat Cell in his second form without a contest. Except Cell convinces Vegeta to let him achieve perfection, thus giving Vegeta a real challenge.

What makes no sense here is that even the simplest of idiots can remember that in less than a day, Goku (that’d be Vegeta’s arch rival and constant one-upper), would be coming out of the same training even strongerer, and best yet, he’d totally love to fight Vegeta in a no-holds-bared sort of match. Only with Goku, there’s no risk of something really bad happening should Vegeta lose the match. Nope, Cell’s offer was too tempting and Vegeta fell for it. It’s not like, you know, everyone around him keeps getting stronger and stronger and new villains keep showing up all the time…right? At least Vegeta was always ready for a fight, unlike…

8. Gohan Suddenly Loses All Interest to Fight:

"Knowledge is the real power!"

A lot of the series paints Gohan as the main protagonist rather than Goku. Gohan has a real training arc in the Saiyan Saga, displays a lot of heroic qualities on Namek, and then finally manages to surpass his dad’s strength and save the Earth by the end of the Cell Saga. Peace is restored; Gohan has succeeded in being strong like his dad and following in his footsteps.

And then he just stops caring. Once immediate danger is gone, Gohan figures, “Meh, this fighting thing’s boring now.” Just like that, all training stops and he starts studying again. For a character who’s supposed to be really smart, this sure is a dumb thing to do. I mean, if anything were to happen and the Earth would need saving once more, it’s not like Goku’s alive and can just fix it. The whole point of Gohan’s awakening in the Cell Saga was to teach him to take up his dad’s role and save the world should evil threaten it again. Goku’s dead, Trunks has returned to the future, and Vegeta certainly doesn’t have the noblest ideals. And wouldn’t you know it, evil does threaten the world again and it becomes apparent that Gohan is far outclassed. It’s like these Saiyans don’t understand the show’s lore…

7. Saiyans Don’t Understand Their Own Anatomy:

"Weird guys, I keep getting stronger after nearly killing myself over and over. Must be the push-ups!"

There are two main things the Saiyans know about themselves before the whole Super Saiyan Sitcom that the show becomes. Raditz explains to Goku, very clearly I might add, that Saiyans can transform into giant apes during a full moon, something that Goku then witnesses firsthand when Vegeta transforms later on. We also learn from Vegeta that Saiyans get stronger after every battle, win or lose, and that a Saiyan that heals from near-death feels his power greatly magnified each and every time.

Entire plot points hinge on this fact, such as Goku training relentlessly in his spaceship on the way to Namak, beating the hell out of his body and healing repeatedly, only to arrive on Namek to own the Ginyu Force as a result of this huge power spike, or when Vegeta has Krillin blast him through the chest and then makes Dende heal him so that he could potentially stand a fighting chance against Frieza, or when Cell regenerates from his explosion and is suddenly a match for Gohan’s Super Saiyan 2 form. Yeah, that bit of anatomy is rather useful, isn’t it?

It’s too bad then that no one knows what to do with it. A smart man would see this problem and determine that the absolute best strategy in any situation that allows for extended periods of training, such as the three years before the Androids’ arrival or the magic year in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, would be to have two Saiyans beat the ever-loving hell out of each other, rest for a bit to heal, then do it all over again. And if no senzu beans are readily available, the tech is there to make rejuvenation chambers. Perhaps this would make the plots pretty basic, sure, but all this does is show that these characters are too stupid to figure out really good training regiments, even after already doing them. Maybe they don’t feel like they need to train anymore because…

6. Super Saiyans? No Problem!

"No! You're lying about Santa! You have to be!"

Remember how it was a big deal when Goku transformed into a Super Saiyan? Remember how it felt when a mysterious youth arrived on earth and transformed into a Super Saiyan before killing Frieza? Remember how amazing it was when Vegeta found the inspiration to transform in order to fight the Androids? Remember how Gohan struggled to become a Super Saiyan and then ascend to a Super Saiyan 2? Remember how Goten and Trunks just felt like becoming Super Saiyans one day? Yeah, awesome…

The magic of the Super Saiyan transformation isn’t so much that it’s just cool to see your favorite characters get stronger and explode into a shiny golden thing. No, the treat is to see their breaking point and have them backed into such a corner that they have no choice but to transform or die. That’s why the transformation is cool. Goten transformed because he was sparring with his mom. Trunks transformed because he wanted Vegeta to take him to the park. No magic. No mystery.

With this element lost, it becomes a real question of “Why?” If Goten and Trunks can just transform, does that mean that all children born from a Super Saiyan parent can just transform? Well, no, because Vegeta wasn’t a Super Saiyan when he impregnated Bulma with Trunks, so that doesn’t work, and then their second child, Bra (I don’t remember her US), isn’t capable of transforming at all. So what makes Goten and Trunks so special that it just happens for them? Nothing, the plot just wanted to speed things along. Oh well, it’s not like there’s a benevolent deity helping these things along…

5. Heaven Really Couldn’t Care Less:

"Sure I could help you save the universe. Or I could look at some boobies. Why haven't you got me some boobies to squeeze since I've bene talking to you? I'm god you know!"

The Buu Saga is all about how rules were meant to be broken and that the gods of the spiritual realm really don’t give too craps as to what’s going on in the mortal world and specifically Earth, the planet where the greatest galactic threat is resting, just waiting to be resurrected. When the Supreme Kai finally steps in to try and stop Babidi from resurrecting Majin Buu, he’s flabbergasted that Goku, Gohan, and Vegeta are all so freaking strong. It’s cute to essentially see God amazed by the Saiyans’ power, but then you remember that it doesn’t make any sense.

According to Supreme Kai, he’s been following Babidi’s spaceship around, hoping to catch him before he has a chance to bring Buu back to life. But we know that Buu is sealed up on Earth, so either Supreme Kai just forgot that important detail, or he’s just plain stupid. I’m going with both. If you were in a battle that resulted in the god of gods getting eaten and somehow managed to get the evil creature that did the eating all sealed up and safely tucked away, you’d probably make a note of that, wouldn’t you? Or at least check up and see if the evil space wizard you just killed had a son or something that could eventually resurrect the monster, right?

What makes this worse is that Goku’s unbelievable power isn’t a mystery to the Other World as he’s competed in a tournament and is training with the strongest warriors of all time where each of them is amazed that he already outclasses them despite only being dead for a few weeks. That would raise a few eyebrows, or at least it would if the gods cared what was going on. Oh well, at least they don’t have to worry about time travel…

4. Does Trunks Understand How Time Works?

"Frick! Doc! Help!"

Future Trunks is one of my absolute favorite characters of the series, partly because he’s one of the few who cut through the BS and say straight out, “We need to kill these guys to stop them from killing EVERYONE!” He’s cool because he’s lived in a world where the worst-case scenario has happened and he’s the last one alive, so he can impart his knowledge to the past and see if it helps. I mean, it doesn’t, but he can try at least.

Except, he doesn’t really understand how this whole time travel business works. When he arrives in Timeline A (the main series’ timeline), the first thing he does is reveal that he’s a Super Saiyan and then kills Frieza. He does this because he knows that Goku’s still two hours away and thinks that if he doesn’t step in, Frieza will destroy the planet. Though answer me something: If Trunks didn’t show up in Timeline B (Future Trunks’ timeline), but none of the Z Fighters were killed and Frieza was dead…who must have killed Frieza? Yet Trunks knows when and where Goku will arrive down to the second, a prediction only made accurate if Trunks had killed Frieza in his own timeline as well.

To make matters worse, Trunks doesn’t seem to think about staying in Timeline A long enough to go find Dr Gero’s lab and killing him long before the Androids arrive or are even built. Rather, he opts to skip ahead three years to when the fighting starts and then realizes that everything’s all wrong, but this leaves no time to then go kill Dr Gero anymore. The reasoning behind Goku not agreeing to track down Dr Gero three years early is because he feels that’s unfair, but Trunks is coming from a different perspective where he wouldn’t see it nearly the same way. Hey, and speaking of Goku’s reasoning there…

3. Goku’s Morals Make No Sense:

Phew, thankfully Goku didn't go get Dr Gero before he had a chance to blow up a city and stick a hand through Yamcha's stomach. At least now we know we got the right guy.

As I just mentioned, one of the Z Fighters makes a plan to find Dr Gero three years before the Androids attack and stopping him right then and there. Someone points out that they don’t know where Dr Gero is located (even though Bulma is standing right there and does in fact know where Dr Gero’s lab is located), to which someone comes up with the brilliant idea of summoning the dragon and have him locate Dr Gero’s lab. That’s when Goku says, for no good reason, “No, he hasn’t done anything wrong yet.”

First off, Dr Gero only builds the Androids because Goku destroyed the Red Ribbon Army, which Dr Gero was very much a part of (he’s retroactively placed in the role as their chief scientist, but whatever). As a kid, Goku had no qualms about killing each and every enemy that stood in his way, including the Red Ribbon Army’s top leaders. He’s seen firsthand the terror that the Red Ribbon Army caused, so his notion that Dr Gero “hasn’t done anything wrong yet” is outlandish.

Secondly, and as I just pointed out, Goku didn’t used to have a problem killing anything that stood between him and his goal. He’d kill monsters, fry animals that tried to eat him first, and even kicked a grenade back into Mercenary Tao’s face (that’s murder and you know it Goku). Goku spared Vegeta’s life, but that was because he wanted to fight him again. He then spared Frieza’s life because he was making a point and…wanted to fight Frieza again. Deciding to spare Dr Gero is rationalized so flimsily that I’m surprised his friends didn’t mutiny right then and there since they’re always the ones near death. Oh that reminds me…

2. Where Did the Senzu Beans Go?

See that little jar full of beans there? Am I the only one who rememers that? Tell me I'm not crazy!

The biggest and most necessary deux ex machina of the series is unquestionably the mighty senzu bean. Shaped and sized like a lima bean, a single senzu bean has the ability to heal you back to 100% power even when near fatal, including mending broken bones and injuries as severe as holes in your stomach and necks being shattered. They truly are wonderful things, and you’d think the Z Fighters would have a near-endless supply just floating around somewhere.

Well, you would, except they only get just enough for the plot to be full of “tension.” Each time Korin appeared in the series, he’d give out a few more senzu beans but never quite enough to completely heal everyone when the time arrived. He’d mention that he only had a few left and that growing new beans took time, but it was never really clear how low it took to grow more beans. Everything was just sort of left to the imagination there, and we sort of had to deal with it.

That is, until we remembered seeing a jar stuffed with senzu beans in the middle of Dragon Ball. When Yajirobe first makes it to the top of Korin’s Tower, he gorges himself on senzu beans, not realizing that a single one can keep you full for days. Since then he hasn’t shown a real affinity toward them other than just being Korin’s assistant. The real question here is: What happened to the hundreds of beans in the jar? The characters couldn’t have eaten more than maybe 30 throughout both series, so do we just assume that Yajirobe ate all the other ones? Or is Korin growing special beans to account for the new power levels? It doesn’t make any sense with the story, but then again…

1. The Creators Couldn’t Decide What Tone They Wanted For DBZ:

Ah dang it, he looks so happy. Why must you make me feel like a jerk?!

Akira Toriyama is a fantastic character designer. Chrono Trigger is a Game You Should Have Played, as are all of the Dragon Quest games. Dr Slump is hilarious and lighthearted, and Dragon Ball Z remains one of my favorite series ever, purely for the nostalgia factor. But it’s apparent after getting about half way through DBZ that neither he nor anyone else helping with the story knew what sort of tone the series was supposed to have.

For those unaware, “tone” is the overall feeling the story conveys. Dragon Ball was predominantly a comedy and had a very satiric, upbeat tone. Bad guys were typically silly, jokes were intermixed into everything including fights, and plots could be resolved with the most ridiculous things, such as Oolong stepping in and wishing for a pair of panties instead of Pilaf getting control of the world, or the special containment jar meant to hold King Piccolo being a rice cooker. Even the fights themselves seemed more ready to be satire of the usual kung fu dramas that were so ingrained into Japanese culture, what with combatants inventing new moves left and right.

But when transitioning to Z, the tone got changed drastically to that of a serious action show, and for the most part, everything through the end of the Frieza Saga does a good job of balancing the action with the comedy. But then everything just keeps breaking down harder and harder when we’re expected to care about characters dying and getting wished back, villains blowing up cities and planets, and actual serious character development getting so high and mighty that you aren’t sure what you were supposed to be feeling.

Goku and his gang are cartoon characters, completely and utterly, but then half way through their story we’re expected to care about them on a whole new level and have to see them act serious. This would be like seeing Elmer Fudd blow up the forest and then Buggs Bunny has a serious monologue to Daffy about how everything’s changed. No, not gonna fly. So many holes cropped up in the plot thanks entirely to DBZ’s creators shrugging and saying, “I don’t know, this was a comedy, right?” So many things could have been resolved with simple lampshading, but alas, DBZ is stuck as a relic of the past.

There, I think I’m finally done with the problems in DBZ. I seriously can’t think of a single plothole left. But, I bet you can, can’t you? Feel free to leave a comment and tell me about a plothole I missed. Or go ahead and tell me why I’m wrong with these current ten. I mean, it’s not like I’ll actually take it seriously or anything. After all, I was raised on DBZ.

These days, I can’t help but feel a bit cautious about the signs of a new console generation on the horizon. Even though the current generation is already five years old, and the average console life cycle usually lasts on average seven years, it still feels a bit too soon. Perhaps this is just the way technology is these days. After all, we’re in a generation where a new phone module is developed and marketed every six months. But the real reason for my skepticism is that I feel there are several trends that have stagnated the creativity and innovation of the current generation of video games.

Many of these trends were not always bad things. In fact, all of them seem to have branched from games that we all believed (and still do) to be really good games. Unfortunately, the impact these games have left on the industry has turned out not to be all that beneficial in the long run. So with that, here is a list of 5 games that were great when they came out, but now I can’t be more sick of every other game milking their gimmicks dry.

I cannot stress enough, none of the games I am about to mention are by any means bad. This is not about the quality of said games, but the impact they’ve had on the industry since their release. In fact, just to be fair, I’m going to begin with one of my personal all time favorites.

God of War

2005, the god of action gaming hit the Play Station 2 by storm and was an immediate hit with critics and core gamers alike. Never before God of War did a hack-n-slash title have a combat system so fluent and visceral. Never has a game captured the grand epic scale of Greek Mythology in a visual masterpiece such as this. Never before Kratos has a video game character been so loved solely for his personification of pure rage, vengeance, and a necessity for justice. Gameplay, story, visuals, God of War struck gold on all borders.

So what does this game have to show for its success seven years later? Well, after fighting it and fighting it for years with Chris, I have finally caved: while every iteration of the series has indeed been a blast to play, the stories of the sequels fell far beneath the standards of the Greek tragedy David Jaffe left us with in the first installment, but that’s just the beginning. For years, dozens of action games attempted to emulate its gameplay and combat system to the point where it became just about impossible to find an action game that didn’t have some kind of extended blade-on-a-string weapon. I especially liked it when Spider-Man started using his webbing to create hammers and other blunt attacks and called it innovative. Since God of War, really the only combat systems that truly felt fresh were Bayonetta (which may have only felt fresh because I hadn’t played Devil May Cry), and Batman Arkham Asylum.

Oh yeah, and Quick-Time-Events? They were cute for a while, but I am so done with those. Nothing irritates me more than games like Force Unleashed shoving haphazard QTE moments that are impossible to be ready for.

Halo: Combat Evolved

The launch title for the original Xbox, Halo Combat Evolved, will be remembered for one reason and one reason only: It was the first FPS I ever played on a console that used a dual analogue control scheme (left analogue to move, right analogue to aim), and ten years ago, I was very impressed by it. Along with the good controls, it had a somewhat decent sci-fi plot with creative enemies, fun vehicle sections, very colorful environments and set pieces, and AWESOME music, so yeah I was totally drinking the Halo kool-aid for those first couple years.

Now, we are in a generation where that once neat dual analog control system is used in every single FPS to date. FPS is now the dominant and best selling game genre on consoles. There are entire armies worth of sci-fi shooter games staring power armored space marines every year (KillzoneConduitGearsHazePreyRedFactionFractureTurokDeadSpaceMassEffect, you know, just to name a few), each possessing their own version of the “We want to be the Covenant” alien race, along with token main protagonists that have the personality of a ton of bricks.

Sorry to all you hardcore fans out there who read the extended universe books and whatnot and know all the intricate details and back stories, but Master Chief is boring, and that’s final. Anyone else find it the slightest bit ironic that a man with no face is now not only the face of Microsoft Game Studios, but has become the most well known mascot of an entire generation? I’m sorry, but seeing a console mascot that is so shallowly developed that I can’t tell you a single solitary detail about him besides “he wears green armor and shoots a lot of aliens” as the new gold standard that all other games aspire too, as sopposed to the colorful robust console mascots of yesteryear like Mario, Sonic, and Crash, forgive me if I can’t help but feel a little disheartened by that.

Wii Sports

As a free game bundled with Nintendo’s latest console, Wii Sports stands as many players’ first, and often most effective, experience with motion gaming. It was a gateway that helped introduce a whole new way to play that appealed to people across the globe of all ages and backgrounds. It was the niche that led Nintendo’s new innovative console to dominate its competition in those opening years. I appreciate this game to no end for what it was able to accomplish, and I have nothing but positive experiences playing it myself with my friends and family.

That said, I doubt this game would have been half as successful had it not specifically been attached and bundled to the actual Wii console. By its own merits, it feels less like a full fledged game and more like a demo used to display what the technology is capable of (a really good demo, but a demo nonetheless). We’re coming up to six years now since the Wii’s launch, and honestly I cant think of any game that was executed as well as what Wii Sports displayed. Sure there have been dozens of casual party games that have tried to do exactly what Wii Sports did, but none of them, save for direct sequels like Wii Sports Resort, control nearly as well. As for the hardcore Nintendo games for the system, all of them fall into one of three categories. Either they…

1. Use motion control for a few minigames and maybe one or two actions that could easily be replaced with a button press (games like Mario Galaxy and Twilight Princess).
2. Place motion control constantly at the front of the player’s attention to the point where players hands start to hurt after playing half an hour (Metroid Prime 3 and Skyward Sword).
3. Ignore motion entirely and maneuver the control scheme past it (Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Kirby Epic Yarn).

And this is just Nintendo we’re talking about. Now that both Microsoft and Sony are jumping on the bandwagon, it’s starting to get out of hand. We’ve seen innovative ways to play games in the past, and they’re not bad things by any means. But unlike DDR, Guitar Hero, the Eye Toy, and other peripherals that ran their course accordingly, the industry seem hell-bent on proving that motion gaming is here for the long haul. Maybe if we see more brilliance like Dance Central, but now, I just don’t see it.

Call of Duty 4 Modern Warfare

I remember when I first played Modern Warfare. Great opening; really set the tone very nicely. Visuals, top notch. Voice work, pretty damn good too. Controls, smooth as a dime. Then the game actually starts up, I go through a few tutorials before being introduced to Captain Price, who then tests me on a little obstacle course to shoot down a set of targets while implementing every facet of my arsenal. Of course I didn’t need him to tell me I’m not the most skilled in maneuvering around FPS games, but that didn’t stop him from scolding me about how pathetic I was and how I would never survive in the field. I try a few more times to no avail, and he continues his smart ass remarks: “The objective is to do it in less time, not more.” I finally somewhat get the hang of it and do a little better, only to be followed by “That’s a bit of an improvement, but it’s not that hard to improve off of garbage.” After that, I basically said you know what, **** you Price. Excuse me if I don’t know how to shoot, reload, swap weapons, melee, throw a flash grenade, sprint, and turn exactly 130 degrees to the exact second you want me to after playing the game for 15 ****ing minutes. I wanted to give this game a fair shot, but if you’re going to give me this attitude like I’m not good enough to play this game, than forget it.” I have never played a Call of Duty game since.

And that right there has been the serious turn-off for me and this whole series: the stuck-up attitude that surrounds it. I’m sure the games play perfectly fine, in fact they’re probably great, and from what I’ve heard, the campaign from this first game was actually a pretty decent length with plenty of memorable moments. Unfortunately, the main pull of the series quickly became its online multiplayer, which is one trend of modern gaming that I cannot latch onto at all, not only because of the attitude, but it just feels like empty calories. I’m not progressing a story, I’m not competing with people I’m invested in, and I don’t feel good about myself for getting cheap-sniped slightly less times than I did the round before.

Also, if there is one genre in shooters that I am more sick of than power-armored space marines, it’s quote unquote “realistic” war propaganda. Battlefield, Medal of Honor, Army of Two, Rainbow Six, they all come out looking exactly the same. No more. Please.

Okay, one more.

Resident Evil 4

Resident Evil 4 is often been praised as one of, if not THE, greatest game of the previous generation. It is also important to note that this was the first (and still only) installment of the whole series that truly felt like something special. It was packed with thrills and had memorable boss fight after memorable boss fight. As of now, I have not actually played RE4 (Chris has, so take his word for it). The main reason being I’ve never wanted to put up with tank-like movement controls and not being able to move when aiming. I am well aware that the claustrophobic controls actually help play up the horror aspects of the game, which is fine for those of you into that, but that’s not the real reason I think this game has negatively affected the industry. No, for a clearer picture off all that could go wrong with this game, look no further than its direct sequel (which I won’t go into detail because Chris already did that as well).

Besides that, RE4 was the game that made zombie slaying hip again, and since then, we’ve had our fun with stuff like Dead Rising, Left 4 Dead, and Dead Space. But for every fun game, we’ve had just as many flops: RE5, Onichibara, and most recently, Dead Island. Another thing that bugs me about this trend is all the games that involve people that are supposedly not zombies, but are possessed, crazed, and/or violent due to plague, drugs, fungus, a curse, brainwashing, or whatever the circumstances. Sorry, no matter how you dress it up, they’re all just different versions of zombies, and I just find it a cheep and easy way for a game to create emotionless cannon fodder enemies. One upcoming example comes strait from my favorite developer of all time, Naughtydog. Their latest game, The Last Of Us, is probably the first time I feel so underwhelmed about one of their games, because it looks like they’re just jumping on the survival action bandwagon.

So to sum up everything I’ve said in one sentence, no more hack n’ slash action games with chain weapons and quick-time-events, no more sci-fi shooters with space marines and fantasy military propaganda, no more shallow casual motion games, no more “realistic” shooters with brown and grey color pallets and reality military propaganda, and NO MORE LAZY ASS ZOMBIE GAMES. I would really appreciate it if when the next console generation rolls along, we are able to move past at least one of these trends.

As for what kind of games I would like to see more of in the future, well, stay tuned and I’ll let you know.

What’s it mean to be a hardcore gamer?

I’ve always said that the “hardcore gamer” label is a relative term. Ask many of my friends and they’ll say I am a hardcore gamer because I play games more regularly than they do, but talking to others I might be considered somewhat casual…lets call it “midcore”…because I don’t play games for more than eight hours a day, not to mention I don’t play many mainstream games.

I love playing games, and I’ve played a lot of games in my life, but the amount of time I spend playing games isn’t what it used to be. Let’s face it, a full-time job and family can’t compete with a 17-year-old who has nothing to lose.  Thus the classification of “hardcore” should not be defined by the quantity of games played or the hours spent playing those games. The rank of “hardcore” should be reserved for the gamers that love punishment…that thrive on the challenge of games that are truly unforgiving. Unfortunately, most games today don’t offer that type of experience so I started to wonder if the era of the hardcore gamer was starting to fade out, that is until I read about Bioshock Infinite‘s added “hardcore” mode.

Bioshock Infinite might end up being more than it seems.

Gaming like it’s 1999…I hope

Almost every game has a difficulty setting that goes from novice to expert, but more so that setting simply increases the number of enemies or at least how much effort it takes to kill them. That can be quite a challenge but more often than not the core gameplay stays the same. According to a Kotaku interview, Bioshock Infinite will have a mode dubbed “1999 mode” that turns the game into a one-way ride through gamer hell. It doesn’t sound like there will be any continues or save points to help limp your ass through the game, and you won’t have ammo raining from the heavens to keep you fully loaded. You’ll have to make choices and stick with them…no redos. This ain’t wiffle ball. The original Bioshock was one of the first games I owned when I got my Xbox 360 and it was a fun game that created one hell of a mood, but it was still forgiving. At no point during the game did I feel I was good at the game…and why should you when you can save your game and restart whenever you want?

Metal Gear Solid, one of my all-time favorite franchises, suffers from the same problem. Games like those have a great story, great visuals and lengthy gameplay, but there were times when I was playing MGS that I made it through a level or boss by shear luck (maybe even a glitch). When that stuff happened I didn’t ask questions or wonder how I did it, I just kept on going, desperate to reach the next cut scene. Does that make me good? No…it makes me lucky, and being lucky is nothing to brag about.

Since it sounds like this “1999 mode” in the new Bioshock sounds pretty serious, it’s probably safe to say that the mode will see you playing in small bursts. You’ll play for 15 minutes, die, swear, and then go do something else…and then you’ll come back an hour later and do the same thing (with more swearing). It saves you from having to set aside hours at a time to play a game. You shouldn’t have to carve out three hours at a time to be able to enjoy a game. When you have a game that can deliver some fun and challenge in less than an hour, you have a winner. It’s easy to point at old arcade and Nintendo games when you’re talking about short time play, but I think Bioshock Infinite has a chance to bridge the gap.

Will this game be more than just a pretty face?

Making a hard sell easier

I know that arcade games aren’t for everyone. I know those were a product of my gaming prime (which was way before 1999). Many of the games from back then were really one-dimensional. They were nothing but high score challenges and while I can enjoy those games, I know I’m the minority. Bioshock Infinite is a big budget title that is as mainstream as you get, so this game will be in the homes of millions of people, many of which may have never had the experience of a real challenge where your decisions mean the difference between life and death…and having to start over.

Selling today’s gamers on Defender and Pac-Man CE is difficult so I’m hoping that Bioshock can sneak in and introduce a “new” type of gaming to the non-hardcore gaming masses. I have to admit that I’m looking forward to seeing how a modern story-based game like Bioshock handles such an “old school” method of game design. Despite enjoying that first Bioshock game, I never played the sequel, nor was I really interested in Infinite until I read about this 1999 mode. I’m hoping it really pans out to be a 2-for-1 deal. If it turns out like I hope, Bioshock Infinite will have all the modern luxuries of gaming with the rewarding challenge of games long forgotten. It could be a game that you can actually be good at rather than simply stumbling through to claim victory.

Old school or hardcore? Whatever.

Even though I think the term “hardcore gamer” is for those that enjoy fast-paced video game brutality, I realize that I won’t win that fight. To most, being a hardcore gamer is about quantity, not quality. So I guess that leaves gamers like me with the label of “old school”, which I can accept but please understand that such a term means a lot more than a love for 80s arcade games and two-button controllers. Old school is not a time period, it’s a mindset, and I’m glad some big developers out there seem to recognize that.

(And if 1999 is now considered “old school”, I’m worried what label games pre-1999 will be given.)

Yup, I bet they are. Now let's battle!

Something I’ve always been surprised about is how Nintendo/Game Freaks have yet to capitalize on the TCG craze like they used to. Yes, the cards are very much still around, but while the physical cards were enjoyable, I found the most fun with the TCG for the Game Boy Color. It was so simple, essentially collecting a handful of the TCG cards at the time into one game cartridge and adding tons of AI opponents to play against. This was wonderful for me as a kid because I couldn’t really find people to play against in real life, so it was a brilliant solution.

But we’ve only had one TCG video game, and since then nothing. There’s got to be a market there, so why no new entry? At the very least, the Pokemon TCG is alive and well on the Internet, of all places, and registering is something I highly recommend doing as it’s free and opens up a nifty watered-down version of the Game Boy Color game, to a point. I’ll explain in a moment.

The first thing you’ll notice is how you can create your own avatar, which is par for the course when it comes to online games these days. Once you’re decked out, you can pop on over to some tutorials with a rather upbeat scholar of Pokemon cards and learn everything you’ll ever need to know to play the game. The dialogue and voice work here isn’t amazing, but it’s also not bad whatsoever. I kept reminding myself that this was a tutorial/game meant for the youngest of players, so with that in mind all I can say is the voice work is perfectly sharp and the tutorials aren’t overbearing to the point of frustration. A few refresher courses never hurt anyone.

For instance, quick refresher: That punk Sandshrew is about to be raqwked by my Bayleef.

It wasn’t until I dove into the single player aspect of the game that I started to see the cracks and the glimmers beneath the surface. The basic challenge pits you against 12 opponents in a leaderboard where defeating one will unlock the next. Once you take out all 12, you unlock a new leaderboard of 12, then another, and I’m not sure if there’s anything past that. Right from the get-go you have the option between three basic decks that you can switch between whenever you’d like. They are just basic Fire, Water, and Grass decks, but they’re not the worst. They’re also not the best.

What it took me a bit to understand (and unfortunately for how good the tutorials are at teaching you to play the game they’re terrible when it comes to explaining the interface) is that there are another half-dozen or so specialty decks you can unlock, but the way to unlock them is by buying the physical, real world decks and using a promo code found in the box to unlock them in the online game. So for me, that meant I’m using the loaner three decks.

For being simple single-energy decks, they’re not terrible, but the ability to customize your deck is entirely removed. You are at the whim of the computer presets that determine what our decks are comprised of, and only by beating the first 12 opponents with each deck can you unlock it to your collection of cards, which can be used in multiplayer.

Hooray for unlocks!

I’ll come back to multiplayer, but first I want to talk about that single player challenge some more. The AI never gave me any problems and usually functioned as competent opponents. The only glaring problem is that most, if not all games were little more than the luck of the draw. Every game seemed to play out by sheer chance as both my opponent and myself are optimizing hands perfectly, but who wins is decided entirely by luck. I’ve had games that last to a nail-biting finale, and a lot more that are over in three rounds or less.

This is more a complaint about the card game’s basic mechanics more than anything, but without the ability to customize my deck to best suit my needs, it really is all chance. If I draw three strong Pokemon, a couple energy cards, and a heavy evolution right away, while my opponent only has one active Pokemon, there’s a strong chance I’ll win pretty quick as long as he doesn’t draw another Pokemon to place on his bench. I don’t particularly feel like a brilliant tactician, but more like an opportunist taking advantage of a good hand. Were I to have the ability to form my own deck, victories would taste sweeter and defeats would sting more harshly. That is sadly not the case in the single player challenge.

Furthermore, the computer has decks that contain dual-types instead of my Podunk single-type decks, so it can put up a much bigger fight, usually only losing due to a bad draw on their part. They also seem to have some utter beasts ready to evolve right away, particularly the Fighting decks. Nothing’s more frustrating than a computer opponent that’s evolved a super powerful Pokemon in the first two moves, proceeding to then wreck your @$%& for the rest of the very short game.

I'm usually on the other end of an Arcanine reaming. Quite happy when I unlocked the card for my Basic Red deck instead of getting blasted in the second turn with BS.

However, these losses aren’t the end of the world, and after unlocking all three basic decks, your collection should have Fire, Water, Grass, and the standard Electric deck as well, allowing for a much deeper ability to customize. Plus, by unlocking those three basic decks, you’ve had a chance to see which Pokemon work best and which just aren’t worth the trouble. What you haven’t been able to do, though, is see which typing works best joined with one another. That will have to come during the multiplayer part it seems.

The greatest bit I’m upset about is the fact that Pokemon TCG Online isn’t on the 3DS at this moment. I would gladly pay upwards of $10 for this free online feature to migrate over to the 3DS as a download. It wouldn’t even need any major tweaks aside from some navigational overhauls (which the online version needs anyway). It’s apparent we’re not getting another dedicated TCG release on a system, but a boy can dream.

For what it is, the experience is enjoyable. Matches go extremely quick, even online, so it’s a fun game to just flip over to and play during a break session. And hey, for free, you can’t go wrong. I highly recommend it, despite the relatively broken game system. Now, go be the very best young Trainers you can be! May the luck of the draw be on your side!

You're darn right, Mick. Now go get a real job and stop challenging my superior luck abilities.

Our story begins introducing us to Moritaka Mashiro, an average middle school student who has essentially coasted his way through life with very little motivation to achieve anything greater than his current status. He loves to draw, but considers it nothing more than a hobby. That is until, by complete accident, his overachieving classmate, Akito Takagi, discovers his artistic talent. Takagi, who himself happens to be an aspiring writer, corners Mashiro with a proposition. A proposition that would change the course of his life in an instant.

From the beginning, Bakuman touts revealing the mysteries of the manga making business, and over the progression of the series it does not disappoint. After the first several chapters expose the set up, introduce our heroes, give them back stories, motivations, strengths and weaknesses and all that jazz, the story delves behind the scenes of Shonen Jump’s Editorial offices, painting us a genuine, accurate (if not understandably dramatized), step by step process of what all actually does take place before you get to see your work published and serialized.

All the while, our two leads are at the dead center as we watch their partnership grow and take shape. Mashiro the artist is the more quiet and calculating of the two, yet his drive and desire to succeed, with the slightest push, becomes an unstoppable force. Takagi the writer is the conceited outspoken one, yet he’s still got the rational and mental chops to back up his wit. Together, we have two young gentlemen who have all the talent and perseverance it takes to succeed in this business. Unfortunately, on their quest to be manga legend, every outward conflict, every hurdle, and every obstacle that can possibly get in their way does.

Said conflicts include everything from the little things like balancing work with school, harsh deadlines, and writers block, all the way to major game changers like altering their entire art/writing styles to fit the manga style, editors that vary in quality and occasionally try to push their own agenda onto their work, even getting severely ill to the point of being hospitalized and facing a series hiatus just as they are gaining steam. And let’s not forget the biggest one of all: competition. In the case of our heroes, this comes in the form of a young manga prodigy, only a year older than them, who has just recently become the hottest thing in Jump just as they were getting ready to pursue their own careers. Enter Eiji Nizuma.

Nizuma is Bakuman’s version of the token rival character that populates many Japanese series (the Vegita, Seto Kiba, Gary Oak role: someone who isn’t the main antagonist, yet is frequently in direct confrontation with the hero, usually for more personal reasons). Despite his motive- to have the right to cancel any series he doesn’t like if he becomes the number one artist in Jump- painting him as a very unsettling person, Nizuma does grow to be a fun and intriguing character in his own right. Quite anti social (but working on it), obsessed with manga, and with a workstation that always looks (and sounds) like a riot. It would not surprise me if the creators envisioned him as being autistic. He also regularly appears to be quite friendly to Ashirogi (Mashiro and Takagi’s pen name) and a personal fan of their work, even after they become full blown rivals at Jump.

In addition, several other manga artist appear as regular characters right alongside Ashirogi and Nizuma, and the Ohba/Obata team do an excellent job of giving each of them distinct personalities and styles. There’s the really aggressive artist who isn’t necessarily the most talented, but is so over-the-top and extreme in his style that he pushes the boundaries of what he’s willing to get away with in his attempt to fight censorship. You’ve got the middle aged veteran artist who’s been trying to get his foot in the door for years, and finally receives a stroke of good fortune when Jump teams him up with an award-winning novelist looking to serialize their story. There is also a late bloomer genius artist who picked manga out of the blue, figuring he could do that, so he did and became an instant hit, yet found out how stressful and agonizing the job is, but because he quit his former job and now has a popular series in Jump he’s stuck with this highly coveted career that he doesn’t even want. That’s… actually pretty clever.

Meanwhile, the editors at Jump themselves have an unofficial competition between themselves to see the artists under their wing get published. They all display their own methods of dealing with each of their various artists, and we are quickly shown how a good editor and a bad editor can make a difference in a manga artist’s success.

Meanwhile, there is another B-plot concerning Mashiro’s crush on this girl Azuki that he’s been too shy to say a word to all throughout Middle school. When Takagi convinces Mashiro to join him in creating manga, he instigates the two of them meeting one another, in which Mashiro proclaims to Azuki his goal to become a manga artist and she states her goal (wouldn’t you know it) is to be a voice actress. If you haven’t already guessed, the two of them make a promise that Mashiro and Takagi will become successful manga artists and get their story animated, and Azuki will play the voice of the heroine in their anime, and when that day comes, when both their dreams come true, they will get married. This is eventually what becomes the fire up Mashiro’s butt that turns his drive into that unstoppable force I mentioned above.

Meanwhile, Takagi, by complete accident, winds up in a relationship with Azuki’s best friend Miyoshi. Normally, you’d think Miyoshi would be the whiny annoying hot girl character that everyone can’t stand, and you’d be right, mostly. Yet she is very upbeat, tomboyish, and becomes Ashirogi’s biggest supporter. Her aggressive and down-to-earth relationship with Takagi makes an interesting foil to Mashiro and Azuki’s very romanticized idea of relationships.

Meanwhile, Mashiro has this late uncle who was a published manga artist for Jump way back when, whom all the older editors immediately remember his name from. It becomes a blessing and a curse: a blessing in that he and Takagi inherit his uncle’s old studio full with reference material, and a curse in that his uncle’s death may or may not have been directly related to his work in manga, thus raising concerns form Mashiro’s parents and the Editor-in-Chief of putting the pressure on him at such a young age.

Meanwhile, each individual manga artist has their own series that takes shape throughout the course of Bakuman’s run. We see short glimpses of each of these stories, all of which have their own distinctive art style that differentiates them from the main story, as well as each other. For instance, Eiji Nizuma’s series, Crow, always looks extremely sharp, flashy, and just plain badass. In just a few short images, I whole heartedly believe that Nizuma is in fact an artistic genius, and that Crow is the next big fighting series, right up there with One Piece and Naruto. Maybe even better.

If that actually existed, I’d be all over it.

At this point, I realize I my have been bombarding you all with too many meanwhiles. On reflection, the plot does seem a bit complicated, but you’ll just have to trust me that each of these plot points are interwoven very nicely, and the story does have a nice flow. A little slow at first, but after the first hurdle of chapters, the momentum picks up very nicely.

In addition to everything I mentioned above, there are many other little things to Bakuman that really make it something special. I like how the series has an official timeline and regularly keeps track of time as events pass by and we gradually get to see our characters grow year by year. I like how they created all these fictional manga series, yet still reference real manga series to give the world a sense of real life. I also really like the writing. Ohba is an excellent story teller, but credit should also be given to Jump’s English Adaptation, Hope Donovan, for making the dialogue flow so naturally in my native language. What I would give to see all Japanese work have this kind of quality in their translation.

Bakuman is currently 163 Chapters (16 Volumes) and still running. There is also an anime, which is currently in its second season. While I am very curious to have a look at it, if I’m being honest with myself, given the nature of the story, this is a tale that is truly meant to be read as a Manga and thus why I feel it is most fitting to be the first edition of Manga Marvels.

As an aspiring writer myself, I found a lot to love and relate to in this series (not to mention wishing I could be as talented a writer as Akito Takagi). For anyone out there looking for a fun splice of life story about kids who dare to dream and have the heart and dedication to back them up, along with an intriguing look into the world of manga, check out Shonen Jump’s Bakuman at your local library today, or find it online at MangaFox or MangaReader.

It's just you, a shovel and an endless world. What do you do?

When people make the difference

I started playing Minecraft back in the summer after some friends coaxed me into buying it to play with them online. Much to my surprise, Minecraft hooked me pretty quickly. I played it hard for a while and then it kind of fell by the wayside as games often do. It was quickly “just another game” that I could go back and play if the mood struck me…that was until my wife started playing Minecraft…and then friends at work started playing. In the past week I’ve “sold” four copies of Minecraft without much effort. It’s great having all these people to play with on a common server but what’s been even better is watching a bunch of (relatively) non-gamers get into a very unique game.

Let’s face it, true gamers will play anything. I’m a lifelong gamer and I’ll play just about any game you throw in front of me. That doesn’t mean I’ll like it, but I’ll try it…it’s what you have to do to be a good gamer. But when you’re talking about non-gamers it is an entirely different story. Casual players will often make their decisions based on appearance alone and once they find their favorite genre they won’t stray far. This is why I’ve found Minecraft‘s appeal quite fascinating. It’s not an action-adventure game where you’re shooting bad guys or saving princesses, but it’s not a puzzle game either, at least not in the sense of an Angry Birds or Bejeweled. Then what’s so appealing about a game that has no real goals to people that don’t really play many games? I decided to ask the three people that recently started Minecraft with me; two co-workers, Michael and Josh, and my wife, Jen.

The tale of the non-gamers

Q: Just to get some background, where on the gamer spectrum do you put yourself? Casual, hardcore…how often do you play games, regardless of device or game genre? What type of games do you typically play when you do?

Michael: I used to play a lot of games on the Playstation and PC, but mostly top-down strategy games and stuff. I still have DosBox running Master of Magic and a few other old favs. I have a PS3 with five or six games, and I play like five or six hours a week on that, mostly on the weekends. I buy like two games a year on that once I get really sick of one of the ones I have. I would probably play more games if I had more time. I go on binges when I have a day off or something. I play a lot of games on my iPhone, again mostly strategy stuff. I probably spend an hour a day playing games on the iPhone. Strategery is my current fav. I’m okay at it. The bottom line is that I’m really not very good at most video games, so I don’t play online much or anything. Except baseball simulators: those I’m good at.

Josh: When I was in High school I played games a lot. Racing simulation games, adventure games, and occasionally shooter games, all on consoles. College was same genres/devices but less playing. Since I got married I haven’t really played video games until Minecraft. I guess that makes me super casual? Minecraft is actually the first PC game that I’ve gotten into.

Jen: I consider myself to be a casual gamer. I usually play time management games or games like Words with Friends and Angry Birds. I play Words with Friends for a few minutes daily but that is probably the only game I play every day. I also go through phases when I like playing The Sims. Since getting a DS and then an iPhone, I tend to prefer quick games that I can play on those devices.

In this group we have a true casual gamer and two ex-gamers (lets call them retired). It’s safe to say we all had more time to play games when we were back in school, before life caught up with us, and that makes Minecraft even more baffling to me in many ways. Minecraft isn’t a traditional arcade game loaded with quick decisions or drawn out strategy, and Minecraft certainly isn’t Angry Birds. So if our time is limited thanks to family and full-time jobs, why are they investing time into Minecraft?

There, in the distance...Josh's mega castle. An impessive site to discover.

The allure of Minecraft

Q: So  you heard me and others talking about and playing Minecraft. What about that raised your curiosity in the game? What looked interesting about the game to try it out?

Michael: The fact that there isn’t much of a point to it and it isn’t too competitive. Again, I’m not great at video games, but I do have a lot of time to kind of half pay attention to something. The fact that you are in a multiplayer environment where you can just sort of fool around and make stuff sort of collaboratively…or not. It also looked well suited to the fact that I rarely have large chunks of time to dedicate to a game solely. I’m usually just sort of half paying attention while doing other things.

Josh: I’ve always loved making things and loved playing with LEGO and SimCity when I was younger. I saw you playing and it reminded me of LEGO/SimCity but with the twist of it being first person. I gave it a go and got hooked pretty quickly. I actually played for 5 hours straight my first time (until 3 in the morning!).

Jen: I prefer games that I can play on a PC or on my iPhone and Minecraft is something I can play on my PC. I was mostly interested in the building aspect. It seemed simple enough to start playing so I thought it would be worth looking at. At the risk of sounding lazy, I’m not into games enough to want to spend a lot of time learning how to start a game. Minecraft seemed simple enough to just start playing.

The building aspect of Minecraft is apparently the biggest draw, especially if the game can suck you in until the wee hours of the morning. Minecraft appears casual with a low barrier of entry but like any good game, the depth of challenge slowly reveals itself until you find yourself buying an iPhone app that does nothing but act as a reference book (true story, Jen bought it).

I also find it very interesting that Michael cites the lack of competition within Minecraft as a perk. Most video games revolve around competition, whether through high scores or levels passed or items collected. Minecraft doesn’t explicitly suggest any of these concepts so the motivation to play is entirely self-generated, which is also one of the great things about the game. Not to be too overly zen or anything but the only true challenge in Minecraft is to challenge one’s self…which is often a tough gimmick to sell.

What kid doesn't want their own treehouse?

How long will the magic last?

All this is fine and dandy but we all know new games have a honeymoon period. Games are fun because they’re a new toy to play with, and in the case of Minecraft it’s a very different experience than what you’re used to playing. These three Minecrafters are big into the game right now after only a week or so, but how long will the fun last? Does Minecraft have real replayability or will the magic wear off once you build the ultimate skyscraper or dig the world’s largest hole?

Q: You’re still new to Minecraft so there’s a certain novelty right now. How long do you think you’ll keep playing before the fun starts to wear thin…or will it keep being fun?

Michael: I thought about that before I forked over the money. I sort of equate it to the iPhone games I buy for less than $10. A few have been great games that I keep replaying even though they are just the same thing over and over, like Lux Touch which is a Risk emulator with decent AI opponents, and Strategery more recently. The games I keep playing are hard enough that they remain challenging, but easy enough that I do stand a chance. To me, the replayability depends on continuing to feel like it’s a fun puzzle to work out, or there are new strategies to be experimented with. I don’t know yet if there are elements to Minecraft that keep it challenging as you progress, or if there are different strategies to pursue or anything, so I don’t know if I’ll still be playing it in a month or three, but I get the sense that they keep adding new stuff to it, so that could help. Who knows? I still play Master of Magic, and that came out in the mid-nineties.

Josh: This is a question that I’m interested in too. I don’t know if it will still be interesting after I’ve finished [building my castle]. I know that I need to explore more, and want to see what it’s like to play more socially (i.e. explore, build with others) and to play on harder difficulty. I like that the game continues to evolve and updates seem to come reasonably quickly. The game definitely has a good time killing-to-fun ratio, and I like that.

Jen: This is hard for me to say right now. I tend to get bored with games easily, but because the game is somewhat limitless (i.e. always a mob to fight, massive maps to explore) I think it will hold my interest for a while.

It might not be much, but it's home.

The science of Minecraft

It doesn’t sound like the jury isn’t in yet on the longevity of Minecraft but with so many different ways to approach the game I think it’s safe to say everyone will be coming back to it on a regular basis…although maybe not for five hours at a time. One of the most enjoyable aspects of Minecraft is the seemingly “simple” challenges you have to deal with…like not getting lost. In watching and guiding these new players around the game, one of the most common struggles is not getting lost. How do you maintain a sense of direction without a map or directions? A challenge most of us don’t have to deal with on a daily basis in real life nor often in virtual life, and Minecraft gives you the opportunity to explore that challenge. Some of them dug trenches like sidewalks, others placed torches like crumbs and some erected towers that could be seen from a distance…all effective strategies but all different.

Playing with a bunch of new players in a shared world has been a wonderful study in gaming and social behavior that I’ve found to be another game within the game. For example, one thing all three of them did when they started was to just dig straight down until they reached the bottom. This fascinated me because I never did that…it never really entered my mind to try, so why did they all do this? Was it because they are non-gamers without much exposure to common gaming conventions that might suggest otherwise? Or was it because they just wanted to see if it was endless? One of them has built a huge castle that can be seen for miles. Another seems to prefer smaller bunker-style dwellings while another just seems to enjoy wandering the great outdoors. Each behavior most certainly relates to their personality and problem solving techniques, and out of all the games I’ve played over the years, few expose this as well as Minecraft.

The Minecraft virus

My enthusiasm for Minecraft may have coaxed my friends and family into buying the game and playing it with me (a dedicated server didn’t hurt either), but will their gaming experience go on to infect their friends?

Q: When someone asks you about Minecraft and you have to explain to them what the game is, what will you tell them? Would you recommend the game?

Michael: I will recommend it because I’ll be looking for more people to play with. I think of it as a huge shared world where you can explore and make things and discover weird stuff. It’s really low stakes and open ended.

Josh: I tell them that it’s like playing LEGO and SimCity at the same time, with the added challenge of a smidgen of fighting. I definitely recommend the game to someone who I could see being interested in this type of game.

Jen: I will recommend the game. I would describe Minecraft as a game that can be played independently or with others. I would also explain to prospective players that you can set your own goals. You can focus on mining, hunting, collecting items or fighting the mobs.

If any of that holds true then it sounds like my group of Minecraft friends may grow quite a bit in the near future, and that is always welcomed. Minecraft is a game that can be a lot of fun playing solo with a near-endless amount of challenge, but playing this type of game with others is a not only just a lot of fun: it can be a real study in human behavior as well. I’ve also found that Minecraft is a great equalizer when it comes to gaming ability. My years of hardcore gaming doesn’t help much when it comes to Minecraft. In fact, it might be a disadvantage. Minecraft‘s barebones approach really puts experienced gamers and casual gamers on the same level for once. The one thing, and maybe only thing, that separates its players is creative problem solving…but then again, what problem are you trying to solve?

Hulk sad. Hulk also most powerful warrior ever.

Back before the events that lead into Avengers Disassembled, the Hulk had been responsible for quite a bit of damage in Las Vegas, causing the Illuminati- a group consisting of Iron Man, Doctor Strange, Professor X, Namor, Black Bolt, and Mr. Fantastic- to decide Hulk is far too dangerous to keep on Earth. They concoct a plan to be rid of him and trick him into a spaceship, making him believe he’s the only one who can disable a rogue satellite. Once in orbit, the spaceship blasts out of our galaxy and a video recording informs Hulk that he’s just too destructive. As a last resort, they’re sending him to live peacefully on a deserted planet.

Flash forward and Hulk finally crash lands. The twist is that his ship has veered off course and headed through a wormhole, so instead of a peaceful, uninhabited planet, he lands on planet Sakaar, a gladiatorial planet with constant battling. Immediately after landing, Hulk is enslaved with an obedience disk and sent into combat in gladiator matches, mostly for the amusement of the Red King.

Now, those who understand Hulk lore, there are a few things that you’ll probably understand by this situation. Hulk’s power comes from anger, so the angrier he becomes, the more powerful he gets. He just crashed on a war planet after being tricked by those he trusted and then forced into bloodsport, so take a guess how mad he is. Then hold on because his rage is only going to get bigger for a while.

Fancy meeting this guy here...

Hulk quickly forms a warbound pact with a group of warriors consisting of a mish-mash of aliens, shows that he’s outclassing everyone in all the matches, then heads into battle against an enslaved Silver Surfer. After breaking the Surfer’s obedience disk, Silver Surfer breaks all the slaves’ obedience disks, allowing things to switch from the movie Gladiator to something closer to Braveheart.

A hefty portion of the story involves Hulk’s warbound fleeing from the Red King and his forces, messing them up when need be, all while being chased by Caiera, the Red King’s best lieutenant and apparently quite a Xena-style badass. Everything leads to an encounter with a bunch of spikes, things that cause horrible mutations if they stab someone. When Caiera tells the Red King about the spikes, he informs her that he’s the one responsible, causing her to switch sides and pretty much fall in love with the Hulk.

It should be noted that I’m shrinking the timeline down significantly here. The planet is rooting for Hulk, calling him the Sakaarson and the great hero that shall free them from the Red King’s rule. As Hulk and his warbound continue fighting against the king’s forces, his legend grows and so does his strength. At last, a final conflict occurs with Hulk overthrowing the Red King while at the same time managing to pull the planet back together after an explosion set off by the Red King meant to split it in half.

Let me reiterate that there: Planet Sakaar is hit by a series of explosions meant to rip it into two pieces, so the Hulk leaps into the planet’s core, or someplace near it, and pulls the pieces back together in a glorious moment that only works in comics. And I’m totally fine with this.

You can just assume this is all about manly men being manly men and nod along at this point.

After becoming the planet’s new king, there’s a bit of simple peace where the Hulk deals with life with Caiera as his queen and his warbound at his side. Everything is great and the world becomes prosperous and it seems like the perfect ending.

Then the spaceship Hulk came in explodes, destroying a huge chunk of the capital city, killing Caiera, Hulk’s love and the woman carrying his child, in the process. This, naturally, upsets Hulk quite a bit and he rallies his warbound to him, deciding they’re going back to Earth in order to kill every member of the Illuminati as he believes they’re responsible for blowing his ship up.

And that’s where we leave things for today. The full Planet Hulk saga is easily compiled in one complete collection. Take note, I’m summing this up really quickly, but Planet Hulk isn’t short by any means. It’s a long epic and covers every bit of time that Hulk spends on planet Sakaar. There are fantastic battles and quiet moments with the Hulk wrestling with himself as Bruce Banner, all while his warbound find ways of endearing themselves to the reader, even if they’re freaky alien beings. Bottom line, Planet Hulk is worth a long, gradual read.

Of course, it’s best to piggyback Planet Hulk with World War Hulk, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Come back for the next installment and find out what happens when you kill the love of Hulk’s life. Probably not good things.

Yeah, that was probably a very bad idea.

To begin, I am reminded of a quote Willam Dafoe said to us as the Green Goblin in the first feature length Spider-Man movie:

“The one thing they love more than a hero… is to see a hero fail. Fall. Die trying.”

The Last Airbender Award for Epic Fail goes too…

It is true. People love to see a train wreck. Every year, we get at least one of those; a film that releases with such scorn and…sucking, that the media proceeds to make it the laughing stock of the industry. Last year, the absolute worst case scenario happened, as this dishonor befell upon just about the most anticipated movie of my entire life, leading to probably one of the most unhealthy and sole crushing cases of denial anyone could possibly go through. While I had nowhere near as much invested in this year’s flop as I did The Last Airbender, it still hurt.

The Green Lantern

Here was yet another film that despite its flaws, I still managed to be marginally optimistic in my review. Still, cliché story, bland script, choppy editing, some of the cheesiest effects seen in a decade (I mean seriously, just LOOK at that costume), and barely any screen time or action at all from the other Green Lanterns. Not exactly doing justice to the source material.

Even though I didn’t know barely anything about the character at all, I still wanted this to do well. In a perfect world, this could have been to DC what Iron Man was to Marvel three years ago. A moderately successful hit would have been the gateway to Warner Bros. giving the go for other yet-to-be-seen DC heroes getting their own movie deals, like Wonder Woman, the Flash, Captain Marvel, and Oa knows what I would give to see them attempt a Teen Titans movie. Instead, Warner Bros. is, yet again, back to crawling under their comfort zone of relying on the Dark Knight and the Man of Steel to pull their weight.

But enough of this unpleasantly. This is an award ceremony after all, and from this point forward, there is nothing but smiles to be had.

The Karate Kid Award for Diamond in the Ruff goes too…

Just about the complete opposite award that The Green Lantern won, this is for a movie that we weren’t looking forward to in the slightest, as its trailers paint it as being just another uninspired pile of clichés, staring “insert popular actor of the hour here”, but then said movie comes out and, surprisingly, exceeds all our expectations, while reminding us that some things are cliché for a reason: because they’re awesome. Last year, that was a remake of The Karate Kid, with Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith, which I couldn’t have cared less for, but after seeing it, I have to admit was an incredible remake, with the kind of young martial arts/acting talent that I wish I could have seen in The Last Airbender. This year, we have this.

Real Steel

You know, that thing that everyone called Rock-em Sock-em Robots the Movie, staring Hugh “Go **** yourself.” Jackman? Yeah, I never expected to have as much fun with that movie as I did. Here is a film where, beat by beat, you pinpoint where every plot point is going a mile away: It’s Rocky and all of its seventeen-thousand clones all over again, just with CGI fighting robots. And yet somehow, Real Steel plays out with enough heart and pure raw emotion that all my preconceived notions on the derivative plot is seismic tossed out the window, and I couldn’t give a damn how cliché it is. Jackman and the rest of the cast pull off their various character troupes without the slightest hint of irony, and come off just as believable and endearing as the characters that invented those tropes in the first place.

As soon as you buy into the premise, the rest of the movie is just a blast. The robots themselves looked great, fought great, and came in a wide variety of designs and colors. Even though they aren’t technically living things, each of them felt like they had distinct personalities. It almost reminded me of some of the classic robot series from my childhood, like Metabots, or Cubix Robots for Everyone. Anyone remember those?

The District 9 Award for Best Use of Aliens goes to…

Some of you may ask why District 9 is the name of the award when that movie came out in 2009 and not 2010. Well, because this award goes to a movie with a unique and original take on aliens, and quite frankly, I can’t remember any one alien movie that struck a cord with me at all in 2010. 2011 however was a different story. We had quite the share of extra terrestrials touch down on earth this year. One of them I thought had some of the most original aliens I’ve seen in years. I’ll give a hint: it’s not The Darkest Hour.

Attack the Block

You know what I love? When they come up with actual unique and random locations in the world for aliens to land in. In this case, they drop down in just about the most Ghetto street corner of all of London, where a ragtag gang of teenage thugs, who would more often than not be the shallow annoying stock bullies in every other movie, get to be our heroes this time. The second thing I love: the aliens themselves. They are these massive gorilla…bear…wolf things with pitch black fur and, for reasons that go absurdly unexplained, their teeth glow a bright neon turquoise color. I seriously want to know how they came up with this design. Other sci-fi writers out there, please take note. This is proof that originality does still exist.

The Scott Pilgrim Award for Biggest Nerdgasm goes to…

Last Year’s Scott Pilgrim vs. The World was one of those generation defining movies where it felt like it was made explicitly and definitively for me and my demographic. What was basically a love note to classic video game culture and the generation that founded it, Chris and I could not stop talking about it. This year, we had yet another big nerd movie that I’ve been sharing with everyone I can.

Paul

What Scott Pilgrim was to classic video games from the 80’s and 90’s, Paul is to classic sci-fi films from the 70’s and 80’s. I was hard pressed not to find a reference at least every ten minutes, and if you’re in the generation just above me (early-mid 30’s) you’ll probably find even more. It doesn’t get much more nerdy than opening with a pair of British nerds living their dream of going to the San Diego Comic Con, followed by a road trip to some of the most famous extra terrestrial sites in the South East America, only to run into an alien voiced by Seth Rogen being chased by Jason Bateman who is working under another famous nerd icon who turns out to be the awesomest celebrity cameo since Bill Murray showed up half way through Zombieland.

The Toy Story 3 Award for Lifetime Achievement goes to…

This award is pretty self-explanatory. It goes to a long running movie series that uses its large time span to allow the universe and characters they created to grow up with its audience. Last year’s Toy Story 3 was a sure fire winner in this category, because while there was an 11-year gap between it and Toy Story 2 in which nothing of significant importance happened, I believe it was meant to be that way. TS2 left a very foreshadowing message about the finite nature of being a toy, though it was a message that wouldn’t be answered in that universe for at least a decade. So in my opinion, it was the perfect choice for Pixar to move on for a while and make numerous other classics like Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, WALL.E, and Up, and then bring us back to Andy’s house at the absolute best time to create one of the greatest and most memorable cappers in recent history. Though this year, it may have met its match.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

After seven movies of buildup, The Deathly Hallows Part 2 pulls out all the stops, bringing ten years worth of magic, and dumping it out on us in one big all encompassing final battle between the forces of good an evil. Hero shots, death scenes, and action set pieces roll across the screen one after another with such passion and finesse. Since Dan, Rupert, and Emma were first offered these rolls when they were nine, ten, and eight years old respectively, they have been in it for the long hall, and they did not disappoint. No one could have guessed that ten years down the line, all three of them would still look and play their parts so perfectly. And I can’t stress it enough, that final 19-years-later epilogue scene that I’ve been dreading since I first read it, I could not have been more happy with how it turned out. The magic behind these movies is monumental, and I will share my memories of the boy who lived for years to come.

And with that, we close up with a quick rundown of this year’s must-own movies. Films that aspire to the qualities and sense of fun and adventure that we a Toy-TMA thrive on.

The Too Much Awesome Top 5

5. Thor

“Remember that lightning storm from The Incredible Hulk in 2008? That was me.”

Finally, a Superhero movie even my own comic-book-phobic mother can love actually exists. (Seriously, she ate it up) 2011 was a great year for comic books in general (Green Lantern not withstanding), but of the many excellent comic book films, Thor in my opinion had the best visual effects and set pieces of them all. There was a great balance between the God-like scenes on Asgard and the mortal scenes on Earth, all the minor characters from both realms were a ton of fun, and Loki particularly set himself up to be a bright, resourceful, and cunning villain to the Marvel universe, and I can’t wait to see what he has in store next. Shakespeare veteran Kenneth Branagh could not have been a more fitting director. And then of course we got The God of Thunder himself, Mr. Hemsworth, whom I’m sure all the ladies are excited to see in all his stone chiseled glory again this year in Disney’s Snow White and the Huntsman, acting opposite of Twilight star, Kirsten Stuart.

Oh yeah, that and some…Iron Man, Cap, Hulk…tie in… thing.

4. Captain America The First Avenger

Evans, the face of comic heroes: Johnny Storm. Casey Jones. Lucas Lee. And now Rogers.

The Star Spangled Man with a Plan. Marvel tells the beginnings of America’s costumed war hero with such heart and drive, that it’s hard not to get behind him. The action is a bit more down to earth than Thor, but Evan’s physical prowess in a costume that actually looks moveable in makes it all the more believable. With another pinpoint accurate villain turn by Hugo Weaving as the Red Scull, a just about mirrored page to screen adaptation of the Howling Commandos, and Tommy Lee Jones making at least one more awesome comic book appearance before pushing his luck with more MIB sequels, this could be the super hero movie that sets the standard for this entire generation.

3. X-Men First Class

This was certainly a great year for Marvel, as the hits kept coming. First Class wasn’t just the best X-Men movie in seven years, it was the best X-Men movie of all time. Rebooting the entire series with younger actors all relatively new to the industry, playing mutants that have yet to appear on the big screen, and then you make them fight a Kevin Bacon Nazi, in yellow spandex, where do I begin? This has got to be one of the gutsiest comic book movies the industry has attempted in a while, and it paid off in just about every single facet. The big wide open, multi-faceted final battle between the X-Men and the Hellfire Club? That’s what EVERY SINGLE final battle in every X-Men movie should look like from now on.

2. The Muppets

While I may be a generation too late to remember the Muppets in their prime, I am still a very passionate thespian, and this musical tale of an old gang of performers coming together to put on one last hurrah was right up my ally. The Muppets themselves prove after all this time, their brand of wholesome family humor and well placed fourth wall jokes has not aged a bit after all these years.

Kermit the Frog: Guys, we can’t kidnap Jack Black. That’s illegal!
Fozzie Bear: What’s more illegal, Kermit: briefly inconveniencing Jack Black, or destroying the Muppets?
Kermit the Frog: Kidnapping Jack Black!

The musical numbers were great, Jason Segal and Amy Adams were great, even the basic plot, as clichéd and laughable as it may be, was great. Anything that is apparently real enough to piss off the morons at Fox News into thinking that it’s trying to force some far left agenda onto our kids because the “villain” is some greedy Tycoon named “Tex Richman” who wants to tear down the Muppet Studio so he can drill for oil is good enough for me.

1. Paul

I know, I already gave an award to Paul for it’s strides and nudges to the sci-fi nerd community, but even apart from all the references and fan service, it’s just a pretty damn fun comedy, with just about the greatest cast of current comedy stars all year. Pegg and Frost as our lead duo have the best chemistry in the world. Seth Rogen as the title character is the funniest he’s been in years. Jason Bateman as Agent Zoil and the two other agents played by Hader and Trugilo are just as endearing as our heroes, and our heroine played by Kirsten Wiig, who also happened to be the lead in Bridesmaids, another awesome comedy in 2011, steals every scene she’s in.

It’s a shame that much like Scott Pilgrim last year, this movie went pretty unnoticed on the radar and wasn’t exactly the big hit I wish it was. Though, I will admit that everyone I have thus far recommended this movie to has gotten a lot of laughs out of it, so hopefully the appeal will grow over time.

And that’s a wrap folks. Here’s to looking ahead to 2012 and hoping that The Avengers is as awesome as we’re anticipating, the Spider-Man reboot doesn’t suck as much we’re fearing, that Twilight will finish one last train wreck and then be promptly dead, buried, and never seen or spoken of again, and lastly, that The Knights of Badassdom will finally get a freaking release date.

Even well made games like Dodonpachi suffer on a phone.

Give me buttons or give me death

I loved my Nintendo DS. It got a lot of use and there were a lot of great games, everything from point-n-click puzzlers to good old fashioned arcade games. Then my DS kicked the bucket. I tried to repair it but that didn’t work out so well. I debated whether or not to get another one but then I got my smartphone and that was the last time I saw my DS. I declared the phone as my new gaming handheld and waited for game makers to catch up. They did but it’s still not the same and I’m having some serious mobile gamer withdrawl.

Mobile gaming is the hot space right now and we’re seeing lots of developers put out some big games. There are many titles from my favorites genres are out there, like Dodonpachi from Cave, but despite the pedigree going into these titles, one thing kills them all: bad controls. I have yet to find a single game that has decent touch controls. I’m not talking about the Angry Birds or Plants vs Zombies as they are point-n-click games that lend themselves to touch behavior. I’m talking about games that are meant to be played with buttons.

Super Crate Box is a great game but fails on the phone.

Super Crate Box

The great indie game Super Crate Box was recently released on the iPhone and I was excited to see it in the app store. I have Super Crate Box on the PC and have played it for hours on end with much delight. It’s a simple retro-style arcade game that asks you to collect boxes while trying to stay alive. Inside each box is a different gun that you can use to make things a little easier. Some guns are great, some are less than optimal, but therein lies the fun and challenge.

Super Crate Box requires only four buttons…left, right, jump and shoot…pretty simple, but when you put even those basic controls on a touchscreen they suck. The lack of tactile feedback in the way of buttons is a killer for any game that requires quick movements, and most games do. But you have to make do with what you’ve got, so touchscreen buttons it is…except for one bigger problem: their location on the screen. The game fills the screen, which means your buttons sit on top of the game board and that doesn’t bode well for you when your big thumbs are pressing them. This is especially troublesome in a game that randomly drops boxes for you to seek out, often behind your thumb where you can’t see it.

It’s a huge bummer that such a fun game suffers from a seemingly simple flaw, yet it’s one that is hard to fix and plagues many games. But without buttons, what’s a developer to do? The logical option would be to reduce the size of the game screen so there is some sort of button bar, but at the same time you really don’t want to make an already small screen even smaller. It’s a tough spot to be in but there’s a simple solution. I know mobile gaming is crazy popular right now. Everyone has a phone and people are throwing one dollar bills left and right to buy apps, and stories like Angry Birds is hard to ignore. I get all that, but just because mobile gaming is the hot spot right now is not an excuse to neglect other platforms, particularly the console.

Don’t stop making console games

Super Crate Box started as a PC title, so if I want to play it without technical frustration, I can, but I’m still on my PC. I’d rather be on my couch in front of my Xbox. Some games lend themselves to a PC, some don’t…most don’t. Super Crate Box is one of those games that is so well designed that it can work anywhere (assuming you have buttons to press). Great games like these need to get over whatever hang-ups they have about consoles and just do it. You can cite all the Xbox indie game woes you want, but as easy as it is now to get a game on the console marketplaces there is little excuse not to do so.

Super Crossfire is a great game...on the Xbox, not on a phone.

Will you make more money in the app store or on Steam? The data says yes, so go ahead and put your game there…but put them on consoles too. Put your game everywhere you can. When you have a good product, the game will speak for itself and do the job for you. A good game is a good game. Good games rise up passed all the crap avatar games. It might be a smaller audience in places like the Xbox marketplace but the crowd that is there is far more likely to buy games and recommend them to their friends. It’s really frustrating seeing a lot of great games get released exclusively on the iPhone or on Steam. I’m a console gamer and I’m always starved for more great arcade games.

Games like Super Crate Box are just begging to be on Xbox arcade…or at least as an indie spotlight. Despite my love for the game, I feel like I wasted my dollar buying Super Crate Box for the iPhone. Not because it’s not a great game but because I can’t play the game I wanted. We can only hope that they’ll release an update that repositions the buttons or something. But what I really hope for is to see these games on my big screen television.

You ready for one more lap?

An important side note, I read a handful of reviews from other sites, specifically Destructoid, so when Jim Sterling gave his impressions of Mario Kart 7, effectively waggling a disapproving finger and deciding it was underwhelming, my first and only reaction was overreaction, claiming, “Well he just doesn’t like the series! There’s no way he’d give it a 5 out of 10 if he were being fair and actually knew what he was talking about! Hurdy gurdy bur!” This was all internal of course, but now I can say, very politely to Jim, “I disagree…to a point.”

Mario Kart 7 is a fine game. It’s a fine Mario Kart game. It’s a fantastic game for the 3DS and demonstrates its capabilities wonderfully. And it is indeed a franchise that’s showing its age in places, which I’ll get in to momentarily. But before I nit-pick and complain, I’d like to cover what the game did right.

Graphically, Mario Kart 7 again proves that the 3DS looks great and plays smoothly. Everything looks technically sound as you peel around corners and select through menus. The controls are tight and driving feels good. However, as a protip, make sure you’re aware that you can use both the L button and the X button for items. It took me a while to realize that X works just as good, so I’ve had quite a cramp in my hand from holding the system awkwardly.

I keep hearing over and over again that the real stars of the series are the tracks, and once more they don’t disappoint when it comes to new environments, for the most part. The coolest new addition is the use of sectional tracks rather than just circuits, meaning instead of just going around three times, you move through three checkpoints until you cross the finish line, allowing for a much greater sense of variety within the same race. I love that, but it sadly only happens three times. I would have gladly taken more.

This would work in real life...right? Please say yes!

Also new is the ability to hang glide at certain points, a welcome gameplay change that just feels right, plus a propeller that kicks in once you’re submerged that controls slightly differently than the other two kart forms. I found myself enjoying the underwater portions just as much as the rest, though they won’t be for everyone.

Finally, the new items are worthy of the game and mix things up appropriately. There is a fire flower powerup that allows you to hurl a bunch of fireballs at opponents, similar to Mario and Luigi’s signature weapons from Double Dash!!, as well as the tanooki tail, a powerup that takes some getting used to but that fits right in and works great in the harder races where everyone’s neck-and-neck.

But things aren’t all perfect. Despite the fluid controls, fun tracks, pretty graphics, and outstanding online modes (all there is to say about them is that they work just as well as the Mario Kart DS’s online modes worked), there’s a lot to be desired. Mario Kart 7 feels rather short, even though it’s the same length as the other Mario Kart games. It has eight cups with four tracks each, totaling 32 tracks, 17 characters, dozens of kart pieces to customize your play style, six battle maps, and four gameplay modes, but something still feels extremely lacking, and it may be because the title touts the fact that it’s the 7th game in the series.

See, when playing the new tracks, I thought, “These are great, but sadly there aren’t enough to really sink in.” While there are some standouts, such as the aforementioned sectional courses, we still waste time with the usual simple circuits early on or the uninteresting throwaway levels. But then you play the cups that revolve around tracks from past games and scratch your head, asking “Why this one?”

And why can't this tail make me fly?

I’m greedy, but I don’t think it’s unfair to want everything and more. I want a Mario Kart game with every previous track on it, every playable character, every item, every possible bit from the past. Why no more two-player kart action? Why no more bikes? Why only three new battle tracks and three fairly dull returns? Why not more, more, more?

But the biggest, most broken aspect of the games is the Blue Shell. I debated with myself on this one since it’s such a staple of the series, but now it’s just become a problem. Leading a race way out in front is not enjoyable because you become such a target for cheap shots from the computer. You’ll be absolutely killing in a race, zooming past the competition and just playing great, when all of a sudden you’ll hear the painful sound of the Blue Shell flying to get you and you’ll just get annoyed because there’s nothing you can do to avoid it short of stockpiling a Starman powerup, which you’ll never get if you’re in 1st place.

I get that the purpose of these super items is to allow other players a chance to catch up, or give you the ability to really stick it to the computer in the event that you’re losing, but the Blue Shell, the lightning, the Bullet Bill, all happen far too frequently to really feel like a hail Mary. Instead, they just come off as the computer punishing you for playing well. Nothing is worse than closing in on the home stretch, only to be blasted by a Blue Shell, then hit by lightning, then bumped off the track by other racers, and ending up going past the finish line in last place when you’ve been solid in 1st the entirety of the race. That’s broken and it should have been fixed by now, or at least given the option to turn it off.

That may be the heart of what I want here: I want a Super Smash Bros of Mario Kart. I want the ultimate compendium with races, battles, challenges, and full player control. I want options to nix certain items, or even build custom courses. When will we get that game? Perhaps not for a while, and that’s a shame.

At least there's more motion controls, which is what we were hoping for...

To cap this off, I’ll give you a rundown of the order I place the Mario Kart games. Way out in first is Mario Kart DS, followed closely by Double Dash!!, then Mario Kart 64, Mario Kart 7, Mario Kart Wii, Super Mario Kart, and finally Super Circuit. I suppose that means I’d place it right smack-dab in the middle of things then, huh? It’s not the best, it’s not the worst, it’s just there. Mario Kart 7 is a placeholder until something better comes along. Here’s hoping we won’t have to wait forever.

The Promise opens with a vignette of events that occur either during or immediately after the show’s finale. We see Aang and Zuko meet with the Earth King to establish new means of restoring the world to balance among the nations. There’s some fun moments with the Gaang celebrating, including Sokka walking in on Aang and Katara’s intimate moment from the ending clip of the show, forever plaguing him with a case of the “Oogies” as he calls it. Also, we finally find out what was said in the second half of Zuko’s conversation with his imprisoned father. Of course, we’d be fools to believe Ozai was actually going to say anything helpful, let alone give Zuko a strait answer.

Afterwards, we quickly find out what “the promise” in the title is alluding to. Contrary to my belief that it was the promise Zuko made to his uncle during the show to restore the honor of the Fire Nation, it is actually a whole new promise between Zuko and Aang. In attempt to not spoil anything for those of you out there yet to read it, this promise does become the biggest emotional pull of the story, and will most likely be brought up again in Part 2.

With that, the story enters a time skip. One year passes and we find that the Harmony Restoration Movement (the plan Aang, Zuko, and the Earth King agreed on to peacefully reinstitute Fire Nation colonials back into their homeland) thus far has been moving along quite smoothly, at least for the Avatar. For the Fire Lord, not so much. While Aang has little trouble convincing the newer colonies to return to their life in the Fire Nation, the older colonies chew out Zuko like no other. On a daily basis, he deals with insults calling him a coward and a traitor, plus assassination attempts, and everything in between.

As political pressures and national anxiety grow, Zuko begins to question his support of the Harmony Restoration Movement. From there, it’s up to Team Avatar to Yip Yip into high gear and settle the dispute before the world enters another war.

And that is the basic rundown of the comic’s plot. The Promise is written by new and upcoming writing talent Gene Luen Yang, who here is attempting the very daring route of tackling the political and racial complexities of the Avatar World in a Post War Era. I say this is daring, because with a series as prestigious and diverse in its fan base as this, there is a fine line you have to tread between being serious and accurate enough so that the mature audience doesn’t question your intelligence in this subject matter, and at the same time maintaining enough of the show’s whimsical spirit so that the younger audience doesn’t feel too detached from the show they’ve come to love. For the most part, Yang does tread this balance very well. For one, he does physically show that interracial families between the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom do in fact exist in this world, and that simply breaking them apart is not as cut and dry as it may have seemed when Aang and Zuko put the plan together. There is a very large focus on Zuko and him dealing with these questions with no right answers. While his scenes do get a tad bit on the moody side, they don’t overstay their welcome, and there are still a handful of wonderful scenes with the Gaang that keep hold of the shows light hearted nature, including implementing Aang and Katara’s now official relationship, as well as Sokka and Toph’s grief of now being regularly subjected to it. At points reading it, I truly felt like this was a brand new episode of the show.

That’s not to say everything’s perfect. While I am into the overall story and plot that is presented to us in The Promise, Yang’s actual dialogue can stand to use some work. Most of the humor scenes with Sokka and Toph are fine, but many of the more serious Zuko and Aang moments tend to get a bit cringe worthy. They repeat themselves too often, there are plenty of clichés tossed back and forth, and the overall cleverness from the show is a bit lacking. Keep in mind as I say this, it’s by no means as bad as say… the dialogue in the movie or anything (in fact, Yang proudly confessed to never seeing the movie). Rather, it just feels more down the lines of Teen Titans, where the dialogue is only good half the time.

The Artwork is done by Gurihiru. While I was personally excited when I heard who was doing the artwork (he was my favorite of the many artists that appeared in The Lost Adventures book I reviewed last year), other fans were skeptical that the very soft, Disney-like style wouldn’t translate well to a very serious canon addition to the series. After reading it through myself, I honestly could not be happier with how the art turned out. It looks wonderful. Truth be told, the few shorts Gurihiru drew in The Lost Adventures are actually very misleading to how sharp and authentic [to the show] the compositions turned out in The Promise. I’m especially proud of the little details the art was able to present that really helped tell this story.

For instance, after the one-year time skip, while many of the characters don’t change that much, it is pretty clear that Aang has had a bit of a growth spurt since the war ended. Any shots with him and Katara standing beside one another depict them as being roughly the same height now. Another aspect I felt was done really well was showing Zuko’s anguish in the later portions of the story. The subtle look in his eyes of exhaustion and sleep deprivation really nails home the rising tension of this world. Tension that he feels he’s at the dead center of.

Lengthwise, it is a very quick read. It’s roughly 75 pages, but it feels a lot shorter. You could probably read through it faster than it takes to watch two whole episodes of the show.

It’s also worth mentioning that, toward the end, it very much feels like the first half of a two parter, which we technically knew from the start. Very few of the conflicts are resolved, and the last panel in particular puts the term “cliffhanger” to shame. How do I put this without giving anything away? Remember how you felt at the end of the Season 2 Finale? Yup. It’s that rough buddy.

While I’m sure many fans would have been plenty happy with (and maybe even preferred) a simple adventure tale about Zuko searching for his mother, or Azula escaping captivity, or tying up loose ends involving the Dai Li and what not, I do take my hat off to Mr. Yang for attempting to take the more realistic Post War route in his continuation of the story. That was not a simple task, and save for a few dialogue missteps, he has started something very intriguing. Gurihiru’s artwork looks excellent and I have nothing but positives to say about it. All in all, The Promise Part 1 is very much worth the pre-order price of purchase, and I am very optimistic about where Part 2 will take us.

Until then, stay tuned. And stay flamen’.

Before I dig in, let me state that the 2009 Sherlock Holmes movie was more or less my first introduction to the character in detail. I mean, everyone knows who Sherlock is even if they haven’t read any of the books. They know him, his main man Watson and that he was a detective that goes on adventures to stop fiendish criminals like Professor Moriarty. So whether or not the Sherlock Holmes portrayed by Robery Downey Jr. is true to the literature, I don’t know. Frankly, I don’t really care, but I say this so you know that I’ll be comparing this Sherlock Homes film to the previous one and not to any of the older movies, shows or books.

What character can't this guy do well?

A true sequel

Sequels are dangerous territory for movies. They rarely live up to the first film in terms of interest and story. Most of the time this is just because the first movie is new. New characters, new settings, new plot…the awe and spectacle are fully intact. By the time you get to a sequel you’ve pretty much fleshed out the character in your head so it’s harder to be surprised. For better or worse, this is the case with Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows that came out last month before Christmas. I was excited to see the film since I really liked the first one but was weary of how the sequel would be handled.

Thankfully original director Guy Ritchie returned for this film, which gives us instant continuity with the first film. You feel right at home when the movie starts with Watson getting married and Sherlock investigating a rash of anarchist bombings in the city. No time is wasted in being introduced to Moriarty either, so the bad guy gets a face almost instantly, which helps set up one of my favorite good guy/bad guy relationships….when they know each other. Sherlock knows who the bad guy is, and Moriarty knows that Holmes is trying to foil him. Neither character has superpowers or anything, so when they meet to exchange theories and trash talk it is a real treat even if it’s what we’ve come to expect. Yet in true Sherlock fashion, prepare yourself for a lot of dialogue from both sides of the coin. Moriarty is pretty much an evil Sherlock.

Sure, he's smart but he's just not as menacing.

In terms of direction, acting and visuals, Game of Shadows doesn’t really impress or surprise you…and maybe that’s okay. You feel comfortable right away even as new characters are introduced. We meet Sherlock’s brother (Stephen Fry) and a gypsy played by Noomi Rapace, otherwise known as the Lisbeth from the original Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Having only seen her in that movie prior, seeing her with normal hair and clothes was almost confusing. I actually didn’t realize it was her until the credits ran. One character also gets killed off early in the film, which surprised me, so I guess I shouldn’t say the movie wasn’t without its twists and turns.

If you liked the bullet time action from the first film you’re in luck, because they use and abuse it throughout Game of Shadows almost to the point where I was wishing they would just stop. Using that technique to compliment Sherlock’s ability to see the future while he is fighting is one thing, using it to put an exclamation point on every action scene is a tad bit overdoing it. However, the most disappointing part of Game of Shadows is the plot.

Keep digging, Watson

The first Holmes movie had Sherlock investigating “mystic” powers of a madman. It was a lot of fun seeing how Sherlock unlocked the secrets to each crime down to simple science rather than spiritual powers…too bad none of that exists in Game of Shadows. This time Sherlock explores a somewhat generic plan by Moriarty that involves world war and economics. The key word here is “explores” because Sherlock doesn’t really do much to figure things out this time around. There is less mystery for him to investigate so the film ends up being more of a chase movie than highlighting Sherlock’s powers of deduction and knowledge. I’m sure in an effort to offset the lack of Sherlocking, they added a lot more action to this new movie. There are a lot more explosions and a lot more guns to keep everyone in peril, but somehow that feels less interesting than having Holmes coming in to solve a bunch of crimes after they have already happened.

Don’t get me wrong, Game of Shadows is a worthy sequel to the original film and this movie is well made with solid acting. There are few surprises this time around but the pace keeps up and drags you along for the ride. This is a true sequel in every sense of word. It is a better sequel than say Temple of Doom was, but it’s nowhere near being an Aliens-quality sequel either…it’s somewhere in the middle, it’s safe. While the first Sherlock Holmes movie is already in my DVD collection, I don’t foresee Game of Shadows finding a home next to it.

Unless you’re in need of some 19th century adventure, you can probably hold off on seeing Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows until it makes its way to the Redbox for rental. You need to see it to complete the Sherlock Holmes story but you not knowing how it ends right away is worth saving $20 for movie tickets.

Don't let that nose fool you; Link is a stone-cold badass here.

I got Skyward Sword at the end of November as a birthday present and since then I’d expect to be utterly finished with it, what with it being a month removed from my first getting it and it being a highly-anticipated Zelda game. And yet, for some reason I’m not playing it tonight. To be frank, I haven’t played it for over a week, and I’m not even half way through it yet. Instead, I took a two-week diversion to replay Zelda II on my 3DS thanks to the Ambassador Program.

For a Zelda game, the plot is actually somewhat original compared to other entries. Not only that, but no Zelda game since has replicated the gameplay style. Instead of the top-down perspective seen in the original Legend of Zelda or A Link to the Past, Zelda II is an action sidescroller. Link gets an item in each temple, but it can’t be used other than on the overworld map to break boulders or see in caves. The items are actually just pretty unimportant other than a means to access the next temple.

The whole game here revolves around a very simple combat mechanic. Link can stab with his sword while standing or crouched, plus can learn an upward and downward thrust attack. Beyond a few basic magic spells (you’ll get really friendly with Heal pretty quick), that’s about all you’ll need to know, but mastering the combat is a trip that’s vastly rewarding.

And you'd better master it quick or you're going to get rawked.

It’s all based on the risk/reward system, perpetuated even more by experience points. For the first and only time ever, Link can level up, thus getting more health, magic, or sword strength, but in order to level up you have to earn enough points before running out of lives. Lose all your lives and it’s game over, meaning you lose all the experience points you haven’t banked. So then, should you press your luck and fight through some Darknuts in the next temple, or play it safe and level grind in the woods on weaker enemies?

Going back to that plot, things are kind of strange here. Ganon is dead and only makes an appearance if Link gets a game over as Ganon’s followers are trying to resurrect him using Link’s blood. I mentioned how dark that was a while ago, yes? Okay. The point is, there isn’t even an ultimate villain that’s trying to kill Link or threatening the land. Princess Zelda, the original that the legend is based on, is asleep and needs to be awoken via the Trifoce. Link has the Triforces of Power and Wisdom as collected in the previous game, but the Triforce of Courage awaits him at the end of this one. Stranger still, Link doesn’t pick up a new piece or gem or medallion or anything when he beats a temple. Rather, he places a stone into a statue, effectively making this the only Zelda game of knowledge where the point is to leave the temple with less than you took in.

I really like the idea of the whole game not being a quest to defeat a boss character, but an extended metaphor for showing courage and conquering one’s own dark side. The clencher is the final temple known as the Great Palace, probably the single hardest Zelda dungeon ever designed due to the sheer brutality of it all. After slogging through the toughest enemies of the game, you finally reach the bottom and fight the terrifying Thunderbird, the guardian of the Triforce of Courage. Upon destroying it, you move into a room where a little man, possibly the Old Man from the first game, separates you from your shadow. And Dark Link is born! The fight is unbelievably difficult, especially after just coming from a boss fight and the death march through the Great Palace (unless you know the trick of crouching in the corner and stabbing at his knees).

Trust me on this one: The combat is solid and if you're dying too much, it's your own fault. And because Zelda II is stupid-hard.

Only after defeating his literal dark side can Link possess the entirety of the Triforce and awaken Princess Zelda. Think of the annoying fetch quest for the Triforce shards in The Wind Waker but elongate it into the entire story and remove the annoying fetch quest part. Making the plot essentially feel like a side quest from another Zelda game actually makes this more enjoyable for me since it’s so far outside the norm. Hey, variety is good sometimes.

Seeing as how this is an NES game made by Nintendo, you have more than enough methods to currently play it. If you don’t have access to the original cartridge, which itself is easily found for under $10, you can download it from the Wii’s Virtual Console, try and find it on the GameCube’s special Legend of Zelda Collector’s Edition disc, snag it on the Game Boy Advance, or most recently unwrap it via the 3DS’ Ambassador Program (perhaps you’re a member and just haven’t downloaded Zelda II or played it yet). So many ways to play it, no excuse not to.

And that’s really all there is to say. It’s a challenging title since it was built back in the days of Nintendo Hard, so don’t expect to get very far without some basic skills and a walkthrough. Beyond that though, don’t miss out on this gem just because you keep hearing it’s the “bad” Zelda game. It’s not. It’s one of the better Zelda games. Now Phantom Hourglass, boy, there was a bad Zelda game. Discuss.

Now to start this, we need a big fish to put on the hot seat, and I know just the one.

Disney: Bring Back Animation

Disney, I’m sure you’re having fun with all your Live Action Fairy Tale Remakes, Tron reboots, Pirates sequels, CGI Chihuahuas, and the fact that you get to call the biggest superhero film of the year one of your movies because you now own Marvel, apparently, but for the love of Fantasia stop killing the hearts of all the [now grown up] children that willingly gave you their hearts in the first place so that you could build your empire to what it is now! What hurt the most was how you tricked me into wholeheartedly believing you were finally back on track two years ago with The Princess and the Frog. I loved that film. And then you showed me a teaser for your next project, Repunzel, and it looked awesome. Then out of the blue, it turned into Tangled, a derivative wannabe-Dreamworks-film that wasn’t nearly as good as Dreamworks’ How To Train Your Dragon, releasing earlier that same year. Then you sort of did try to make a comeback last summer, but it was in the form of a Winnie the Pooh revival, which you obviously didn’t intend anyone to see in the first place, seeing as you released it the same freakin’ weekend as the last freakin’ Harry Potter movie, as if you were too freakin’ embarrassed you made it in the first place so you didn’t bother giving it a release date where it could make so much as a splash of publicity.

To get to the point, Disney, return to form, and make us another hand-drawn animated hit already! I don’t care if The Princess and the Frog didn’t make as much money as you wanted it too. The people who saw it and liked it really really liked it, and if you kept up that throwback style in your recent films (i.e. kept Tangled’s original art concept, followed by another animated movie last year that WASN’T an old school revival and DEFINITELY NOT releasing side by side Harry Potter 8) more people would eventually have caught wind of the trend and these movies would be making so much more in the long run. Am I making any sense at all?

Oh, and while you’re at it, don’t force the only Computer Animation studio under your belt who knows what the Hades they’re doing to make sequels of their weakest movies just because they happen to be the most marketable.

Funimation: Bring One Piece Unto the People

You know what I’m sick of? That One Piece, the worldwide greatest and bestselling Anime of the current generation, isn’t even playing on any network, standard or cable, in American Television. Meanwhile you have shows like Naruto and Bleach, which do the exact same thing this show does but not as well (while replacing Pirates with Ninjas or Samurai Grim Reapers respectively), and they have 200+ episodes each fully available for instant stream on Netflix. WTF Funimation? You even have an entire cable network where all you show is Anime you licensed, yet you can’t find anywhere in your busy schedule of rerunning Samurai 7, Claymore, and Shikabane Hime over and over again to give One Piece one decent slot of the week? The only way Americans can watch One Piece legally now is by either scavenging for the very rare very expensive DVD collections, or through your website, which would be fine if you had every single current episode available, but you don’t because you only have a chunk of the beginning of the series, a chunk of the end of the series, with a ton of mid way sections simply not available, not to mention your online video player is of the lowest quality. I want to support this series properly, but I’m stuck having to pirate my anime about pirates from pirate torrents, whom, by the way, also happen to be infinitely better translators than you. [Pranger's Note: Oh snaps! You just been told Funimation!]

Oh, what’s that? You guys finally got the license to dub Season 4? Awesome, now you’ll only be five seasons and 300 episodes behind the Japanese run of the show, congratulations. Of course, none of it will matter unless you make One Piece available stateside to begin with. Here are two simple things you can do: First, spare a single half-hour slot of the week on your TV network for the show, and not some throwaway one either but a good one, like Friday evenings. Second, put at least the first two seasons on Netflix for instant streaming. I want to recommend this show to people and give it more viewers, but I can’t because there is no accessible way to watch this show. Change that Funimation. I’m counting on you.

One more thing. While you guys are busy dubbing Season 4 as we speak (ideally), please please get new refreshing voice talent to play each of the CP9 agents. Seriously, these are some of the strongest and most iconic villains the Strawhat Pirates will ever face, and they deserve justice. I’m sick of hearing the same 20 voice actors you use for side characters being recycled over and over and over again.

Parker and Stone: More Musicals Please

Any of you seen The Book of Mormon yet? Of course you haven’t. It’s been sold out on Broadway every showing since its incarnation, though you may have heard the music and Holy Crap it may very well be the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. I already have a handful of Theatre friends agreeing to all go see the show together when it goes on tour.

The two people responsible for this divine piece of theatrical genius are none other than South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone. How’s that for a twist? My hope is that with the success of The Book of Mormon, that they continue in this business a bit longer and make more awesome musicals.

A friend of mine recommended The Book of Scientology as a sequel, and if I wasn’t so fearful of their lives by doing so, I’d second that in a heartbeat. In reality, these guys have probably the biggest imaginations in the world, and if they can come up with another clever idea that wont earn them another hundred thousand death threats, I say go for it.

Sony Pictures: Show Me The Lizard

So far, all the buzz on this summer’s upcoming Spider-Man reboot, The Amazing Spider-Man, has me, more or less, underwhelmed. I know Andrew Garfield is a good actor and was awesome in The Social Network, but I just can’t stand seeing Peter Parker with Edward Cullen’s hair style. It also doesn’t help that every shot we’ve seen him in so far he has the same dark emo look on his face like he constantly has a picture of dead puppies ingrained in his head. It’s not the silly campy kind of angst that we got from Toby Maguire’s performance either; it’s just dull and depressing.

Though after nitpicking it for several months now, I’m willing to withhold any more judgment until I see the final product. After all, this film will finally give us the movie debut of The Lizard, one of Spider-Man’s oldest and most iconic antagonists. I am very curious to see how they pull him off. My hope is that he looks like the lizard from the classic 90’s cartoon that wore the torn up white lab coat, had a seven foot long tail that that could smash stone walls, and where he could speak, but very little, and only to people close enough to him where his humanity is able to temporarily take control.

And unlike the photo above, I want to see a full-blown reptilian head. It’s not suppose to look remotely human.

Beenox: Make The Amazing Spider-Man game Amazing

Spider-Man movies are just about the only instance when I will get excited about movie-tie-in games these days. This is thanks mostly in part to Spider-Man 2 The Movie The Game becoming just about the best Comic Book Superhero Sandbox Game to date. (Before any of you start screaming how much better Batman Arkham City is, yes, I’ll admit it has better combat, story, voice acting, visuals, mission variety, combat again, and just about every other element, but when it comes to free roaming, Spidey’s web swinging still takes the cake.)

Spider-Man games these days are under the supervision of a somewhat newer development team called Beenox, and I just so happen to have played both their two latest Spider-Man games. While I did miss the open world aspect of the previous games, 2010’s Shattered Dimension was a ton of fun. Great level design, simple but intriguing story, awesome voice work, and I was into the combat. 2011’s Edge of Time however, not so much. Rule Number #1 of making Spider-Man games: DO NOT set an entire Spider-Man game in a single building where every room looks exactly the same and is connected with narrow hallways. That was a horrible idea.

The Amazing Spider-Man game, however, looks like a different story. Given the teaser trailer we received during the Award show a few weeks ago, it looks like a return to form, by which I mean open world Manhattan. Beenox already has a pretty decent combat system. All they really need to focus on is creating enough to do in the sandbox and giving us a good variety of villain characters we may not have seen yet. While not a ton of detail about the game has been released, one enemy they have shown are these massive mechanical spider bots, which immediately make me think of the Spider Slayers from the 90’s cartoon, so you’ve got my interest there. Make this one a winner Beenox. Please.

Microsoft/Rare: Make Banjo-Kazooie 3

Okay, by now you all know me. I’m the Sony guy, not a Microsoft guy. I do not own a 360. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want the company to do well. I wish I could say that there are things on the 360 I desperately wish I could play, but honestly, I can’t. I have no desire to try the Kinect, and I am more than content not playing the most recent Halo and Gears of War titles. Besides that, everything else the 360 has of value can also be found on the PS3.

And yet, Microsoft has probably my second favorite game developer under their belt, Rare Software. When they announced a brand new Banjo-Kazooie game back in 2008, that was probably as envious as I have ever gotten of people who own the console. Of course, said game turned out to be Nuts&Bolts, and that envy quickly faded away as I started playing through Little Big Planet. As of now, Microsoft has Rare working on Kinect Sports titles, which honestly I think is a waste of their talent. This is the company that almost single-handedly created the golden age of 3D Platforming two generations ago. Compare that to what they’re doing now and it’s embarrassing.

Yeah, that’s right, I WANT to be jealous of my friends who own 360’s. Rare, you have the power to do that. Go back to the drawing board, write off Nuts&Bolts as a non-cannon spinoff, and make Banjo-Kazooie 3 properly. If not that, than how about a sequel to Conker’s Bad Fur Day? Or even Kameo Elements of Power, you know that 360 launch game that no one remembers except me? I bet if you made a sequel and advertised it well enough, that would help the original sell better.

Nintendo/Retro: Make a Sequel to DK Country Returns

Speaking of Rare, the franchise that introduced me to the company was Donkey Kong Country, a trilogy of some of the best looking 2D platformers on the Super Nintendo. Unfortunately when Rare got bought by Microsoft ten years ago, the Nintendo owned franchise had been long abandoned. Then in 2010, it was picked up by Nintendo’s American company, Retro Studios, who gave us Donkey Kong Country Returns.

While I have my gripes about the plot (namely how the series’ central antagonists, the Kremlings, were completely absent), the game itself was a much welcomed treat. While it was an overall critical success, it wasn’t exactly the big holiday seller Nintendo was hoping for (debuting in 3rd place in Japan and 6th place in America). Despite that, I do hope Retro decides to stay with the franchise a bit longer. If they made a sequel with a much more in-depth plot that brought back the Kremlings and other side characters like Funky Kong, Candy Kong, and other classic animal characters besides just Rambi the Rhino, I’m sure it would do a ton better.

Currently, Retro Studios is working on a secret title for the Wii U that is, quote, “A project everyone wants us to do.” My best guess would be a statement like that most likely means it’s an HD Metroid Game, as it was the Prime Trilogy that made the company famous in the first place, and fans seem to generally like their work on the franchise. My hope, however, is that they really are sticking with DK for a while. Though I could be wrong on both counts.

Nickelodeon: Give Legend of Korra a freaking Release Date

We’re coming up to two years since the first announcement of The Last Airbender: The Legend of Korra. The more I think about it, perhaps Mike and Bryan may have shown this ahead of schedule simply to wipe the bad taste the movie left in our mouths. (Yes, I am done trying to massage the idea that the movie wasn’t as bad as it really turned out to be, okay? Okay. Moving on.) While I definitely appreciate Nick releasing post finale comics while we wait (The Promise Part 1 comes out in February and Part 2 in June), and there was certainly a ton of information given on the series’ characters and plot threads in the last Comic Con, but they failed to give us that one thing we want more than any of that, which is a confirmation date.

Not long ago, there were some troubles with the opening segment of the show being leaked online, which the creators humbly requested to have taken off the fan sites. Normally I’d be on any leaked footage like a pack of rabid rabbitwolves (God knows I was during Book 3), but these days, I have learned to conserve my anticipation and wait for a proper reveal.

More than anything, I would choose being given a solid release date over any new footage during this years Comic Con. You know, because I got premiere parties to plan.

World: Don’t Die

Okay, so this technically doesn’t have anything to do with the entertainment industry, except for the fact that the media has had more than its fair share of fun poking at the 2012-Doomsday-Apocalypse-as-Predicted-by-the-Mayan-Prophecy marketing campaign. For those of you still thick enough to buy into this propaganda, please permit me to quote the following:

“The world is not coming to an end in 2012. The Mayan calendar does not have **** to say about 2012. It does not say the world is going to end. The Mesoamerican Long Count Calendar just sort of stops there. Other calendars from the same period and the same people have nothing of **** to say on the matter. It’s just bad new age numerology combined with a misreading of an old stone tablet.”

Dr. Punchy Wright____Idiotologist

And with that, I give the easiest resolution in my entire list: Planet Earth, do not die. When December 21st comes along this year, under no circumstances are you allowed to just start spontaneously combusting. In addition, for that one day, you are  not allowed to have any encounters with asteroids, alien invasions, or nuclear wars. Don’t act like you have no effect on human behavior. You shape us more than you know.

But you know what, as important as it is for the planet to survive, it will mean absolutely nothing if a certain someone does not. And so for that, I have something even more important, and even easier, than the earth not dying, and that is…

Eiichiro Oda: Same thing

One Piece, the most popular manga in the world, has officially entered its 15th year of serialization, with a current count of 651 chapters. Oda sensei was a year younger than I am right now when he published Chapter one in 1997. That puts him roughly in his late 30’s now, which honestly isn’t that old at all. He could probably keep this up for another 15 years if he wants to, and whatever his further plans are, I wouldn’t stop him and make him go a quicker route even if I could.

The point is we are in an age where there are people passing away in Japan, and their tomb stones have written on them, “I wish I could have seen the ending of One Piece.” That alone is sad in more reasons than I care to count, but if Oda were the one to pass away, before any of us get to see Zoro surpass his rival and master Hawkeye, before Nami completes her map of the world, before Robin discovers the mystery behind the 100 year void in history, before Brook is reunited with Laboon, before Monkey D. Luffy defeats Blackbeard, finds One Piece, returns the straw hat back to Shanks, and finally becomes the King of the Pirates, THAT would indeed be the biggest tragedy to ever befall modern mythology.

I could continue to go on about the plot threads and loose ends I wish for Oda to cover over the next year, but at this point, I trust his judgment 100%. As long as he’s alive, both physically and motivationally, and keeps doing his job, (i.e. continues making One Piece, thus making me and millions of other fans across the globe happy in the process), then I’m happy. By the end of 2011, Oda managed to all but close up the Fishman Island Arc. With Luffy challenging Big Mam, one of the four Pirate Emperors, for the control of the undersea kingdom, it appears the journey across the New World has barely begun. The tide’s only gonna get rougher from here, so stay tuned.

And with that, I give you the 2012 New Years Resolutions that are too much awesome for their own good. Some may be a tall order, while others are practically no brainers, but I have high expectations for all of them, so off you all go. Your clock to reach these goals started… yesterday. Good luck.

I’m not the biggest mainstream gamer but when it comes to the smaller (and cheaper) arcade and indie games, I’m all over it. Not only is the price point perfect, I find most of the smaller games a lot more fun and a lot more challenging. The arcade and indie games are also a lot more plentiful with weekly releases. With all the games it can be harder to find the good ones, but at least you don’t have to drop $60 to find them.

If you’re not a big arcade gamer, I ask that you do yourself a favor and try something different. There are lots of great games to play for not a lot of money. Maybe you don’t want to surf through all the massagers and avatar games, so it’s good for you that I have a list of some of the best arcade and indie games the Xbox had to offer in 2011.

Xbox Live Arcade

Picking only a few XBLA to highlight from this year was a difficult chore. At least a dozen great games came out this year that are all worth your money. Here’s a short list of the ones you need to buy across several genres.

Iron Brigade

If tower defense is your thing then you probably already have Iron Brigade (aka, Trenched) but rather than just place your towers and hope for the best, you get to march around in giant mechs fighting the bad guys at the same time. It’s a good blend of game types that works wonderfully and is a lot of fun. However, if sci-fi mechs isn’t your bag then check out Orcs Must Die! because it’s pretty much the same thing with swords, arrows and boiling oil.

Iron Brigade: part tower defense, all action.

Bastion

More often than not I shun the games that lay it on thick with the story, but Bastion is one of the few that hit a perfect balance of RPG and action…the awesome narrator certainly didn’t hurt either. Bastion is a throw back to the SNES days of adventure gaming that has exploration, lots of fighting and just enough inventory management to keep things interesting. Bastion is one of those games that reminded me that you don’t always need a high score to feel a sense of accomplishment.

Renegade Ops

Game remakes are usually a good thing to avoid and although Renegade Ops isn’t a true remake, if the old NES game Jackyl was going to be released today, this game is what it would be. Pick a Jeep and start blowing stuff up, it’s as simple as that. Renegade Ops has everything that would have made Jackyl all the more awesome. Selectable characters, upgrade trees, side missions and more…not to mention extra DLC. You won’t find anything new or innovating here but that’s okay because you’re not going to play this game to get a new experience; you’re going to play this game to relive the past as it should have been.

This is what Jackyl wanted to be.

Radiant Silvergun

Considered one of the holy grails of arcade shooters, Radiant Silvergun will complete the collection of any shmup fan. If you thought Ikaruga was a challenge then Radiant Silvergun might make you think again. Silvergun has one of the most complex chaining systems combined with a weapon system that makes old favorites like Gradius look tame. Radiant Silvergun is one of those games that separates the men from the boys. If you are one of the boys and Silvergun is a bit out of your league, try out Galaga Legions DX. It’s not a difficult as Silvergun but still a lot of fun and quite a challenge.

Stacking

At first glance, Stacking seems like an oddball game that just doesn’t fit anywhere. It’s not everyday you find a game based on Russian nesting dolls…but that’s kind of what drew me to it, it was a bit different even if only in appearance. Stacking is a puzzle adventure game that asks you to defeat the evil bad guy by stacking inside of other dolls, each with their unique special abilities. Stacking isn’t quite on the Katamari level of odd-yet-fun, but it’s close. If you’re looking for something different yet familiar, then Stacking is money well spent. There’s a hefty amount of replay value here too with lots of side quests, challenges and the all important achievement points.

Stacking: a little weird but a lot of fun.

Xbox Live Indie Games

It’s not hard to see the quality difference between XBLA games and the Indie games, but you’ll find a lot of great indie games that deliver on the fun even if they don’t deliver on the high end graphics or hours of game play. Indie games are the Xbox’s answer to game apps on your phone. Most indie games are under $5 so if you need a game to cleanse your palette, these are some great options.

Orbitron Revolution

Orbitron Revolution was a recent XBLIG release that I reviewed recently, so I won’t go into a lot of the details, but it’s safe to say Orbitron is one of the best playing and best looking indie games I’ve ever played. Orbitron builds on the arcade classic Defender to give you plenty of high score challenges. If you’re one of the people that poo-poos the often 8-bit look of indie games, this one will change your opinion.

Dead Pixels

Speaking of 8-bit gaming, Dead Pixels is just that with a lot of guns and zombies thrown in. Dead Pixels follows the classic beat-em up formula but instead of whoopin’ bad dudes with lead pipes, you’re blasting angry zombies with shotguns and Molotov cocktails. You’ll wander the streets of the city collecting coins that you’ll need to buy guns, ammo and health packs. There’s a lot more play here than you might think…and a lot more fun. I almost wrote this one off but I kept coming back for more.

Think these indie games are easy? Try surviving Dead Pixels.

Wizorb

What happens when you cross an RPG with Arkanoid? You get Wizorb. Yet another retro-style game that will put you right back in front of your NES deck, Wizorb is able to connect two genres wonderfully in a game that challenges you, frustrates you and keeps you playing until you’re done. You might be tired of the 8-bit look but Wizorb nails it perfectly along with sound and controls.

Cursed Loot

When it comes to RPGs, I need something simple and fast. I don’t like overly complex micromanagement of inventory or worrying about what NPC to talk to in the tavern…I just want to go, and Cursed Loot offers me just that. Formerly known as Epic Dungeon, this is a game that is all about grinding as you go from dungeon to dungeon mindlessly beating up more and more difficult baddies. But without much story, what’s the real goal? Just see how far you can get. And it shouldn’t surprise you that Cursed Loot sits squarely in the 8-bit category.

Mimi in the Sky

Unfortunately, if you search the Xbox Marketplace for “Mimi in the Sky” you won’t find anything. This weird dual-stick shooter is listed by its Japanese name so you’ll need to use this link to check it out and add it to your queue. I admit that getting passed the oddball theme of a flying insect girl fighting killer onions is difficult, but under the sketchbook graphics is a fast and furious high score shooter. You can’t judge all books by their covers.

Another weird Japanese game but it's non-stop shooter fun.

Aban Hawkins and the 1,000 Spikes

If you enjoy the “try and try again” puzzle platformers like Super Meatboy, then Aban Hawkins is right up your alley. Don’t get me wrong, this is no Meatboy but if you just can’t get enough of the genre, this one is worth a look. I find these games great for about 10 minutes, at which point I usually get incredibly frustrated and come near to throwing my controller down the street.

Mainstream isn’t the only place to have fun

I didn’t do any math but if you add up the cost of all these games it’ll probably be right around the price of one big box game. Sure, you don’t get the big budget graphics or sounds, and you don’t get 100 hours of game play, but you do get a lot of fun for a small price. You’ll have a library full of games that cross all sorts of genres, themes and styles. And if you’re burned out on multiplayer mayhem, any of these games are worth the price of admission.

Nintendo’s Heavy Hitters

It was pretty clear which titles Nintendo was leaning so heavily on this year.

The hardest part about rounding up everything for the Wii, 3DS, and DS systems this year is that Nintendo really didn’t try to outdo themselves whatsoever. Yes, there are some big exclusives, but overall things felt a little…barren. The year has now finished with Skyward Sword, Super Mario 3D Land, and Mario Kart 7, but other than Pokemon Black and White Versions on the DS in March and perhaps Ocarina of Time’s remake during the 3DS launch, there hasn’t been anything to really go on about.

Still, I should give the briefest summaries of the largest titles, starting with Skyward Sword. I’m up to the third dungeon and finding myself hard pressed to find time to play, not necessarily because I’m too busy but because my motivation to play is low, thanks entirely to Fi, the constant tutorial system that’s brought the game down from a solid recommendation to a cringe-worthy affair. Don’t misunderstand though, the game controls wonderfully and looks fantastic, but being forced to hold the game’s hand for so long, despite being a seasoned vet, is painful.

Super Mario 3D Land is an entirely different story. I can’t recommend it enough for Mario fans, platformer fans, or people with a 3DS and no clue why it’s so great. Super Mario 3D Land proves that the 3D function of the 3DS can truly be something special and walks that perfect line of fun and difficulty. As a Mario fan, I was able to complete the game 100%, but I know that such will not be the case with many other players. If you don’t have this game by now, then you must not have a 3DS.

Mario Kart 7 is much he same. I’m still waiting to get my copy, but that’s only because I had to wait until Christmas since there was a high chance someone was planning to get it for me. The consensus out there is that if you’re not tired with the Mario Kart formula, then Mario Kart 7 is one of the best games in the series with some of the absolute best tracks and an enjoyable hang gliding mechanic, whereas if you’re not really a fan or want something more advanced than Mario Kart DS, you’ll be disappointed. I loved Mario Kart DS and want its excellent wifi multiplayer back with a simple handheld game, so I’m set. Judge for yourself accordingly.

Pokemon Black and White Versions turned out to be predictably good and yet stagnant as always. I found myself sinking my teeth in once again and really finding a connection with some of the new faces, but still, it felt like the same old song and dance that we’ve seen before, and yeah, I’m getting too old to be catching them all again. Give me a new incentive, one that doesn’t require trading with half a dozen other versions and waiting for event-specific Pokemon to complete the central driving force behind the game. Still, I discovered that Black and White Versions make great companions when on exercise bikes. At this point exercise bikes should just come with Pokemon installed in the handlebars.

The Quieter Releases

Does it make me boring to actually like this game?

It’s not all high profile games with Nintendo, but the smaller, quieter titles are quickly forgotten in the rush of things. For instance, Kirby’s Return to Dreamland, a great return to form for the franchise at last, has all but been forgotten now that the rest of the holiday releases have arrived. Kirby fans decided that Return to Dreamland was a nearly perfect game, and after playing the demo at PAX I can easily see why they’d think that. It’s fun, the controls are tight, and there’s flawless drop in/drop out multiplayer.

A title that’s been getting hammered a bit though is Fortune Street, a game I played at PAX and actually really enjoyed. The easiest comparison is to Monopoly, though add in Mario and Dragon Quest characters for good measure. Criticism has been leveled stating that the game is slow, boring, and looks shoddy. I disagree on all accounts, mostly because it’s not like Fortune Street is being billed as a competitor to Skyrim or Skyward Sword or something like that. If you love Monopoly and the concept of trading property and stocks, then yeah, you’ll absolutely love Fortune Street. If you’re looking for an engrossing single-layer experience, then you’re just being stupid.

And speaking of Dragon Quest, the DS got the remake of Dragon Quest VI, wrapping up a string of really great remakes from the Super Famicom era. I just recently acquired the title for my birthday but haven’t had a chance to plow through it yet, though it’s high on my list since it’s a gorgeous game that shows how to do sprite work on the DS, all while being a solid RPG, as the pedigree would suggest.

Launching the 3DS

The sooner you attach Ocarina of Time to something, the sooner I'll be pleased.

Nintendo’s only big stumble this year has been the launch of the 3DS. Billed as a revolution to the handheld market with 3D capabilities and graphical power that competes with the GameCube, Nintendo decided to go with a $250 asking price, a move that, combined with a pitiful launch library, resulted in abysmal sales to the point that every gaming journalist was quick to ask, “Is this the end for Nintendo?!”

Well, no, it wasn’t. After listening to customer complaints and realizing bold action was required, the price was slashed to $170, which is when I grabbed it. However, those who bought the system before the official price drop day were given a bonus in the form of the Ambassador Program, essentially giving early adopters 10 free NES games and 10 free Game Boy Advance games. The NES games were pretty standard with Super Mario Bros, The Legend of Zelda, and Metroid standing out as some of the better titles, but it was the GBA list that made me most happy with titles like Wario Land 4, Fire Emblem, and F-Zero: Maximum Velocity.

Ocarina of Time’s remake is perfect in essentially every way, and Star Fox 64 3D is a near-identical recreation of the N64 original with the added bonus of the 3D graphics. Between those two, Super Mario 3D Land and Mario Kart 7, I’d say the 3DS has a pretty strong launch year library with a perfectly accessible price point and tons of great games expected in 2012, such as Kid Icarus: Uprising, Paper Mario 3D, Luigi’s Mansion 2, and Animal Crossing 3DS. I’m happy, so why aren’t so many others?

Why I’m Still a Nintendo Fan

I really doesn't take much to make me happy, and Nintendo knows this.

It all comes down to one simple program: Club Nintendo. In a time when just about every single game company is struggling to find a way to cut out the used games market and force gamers to buy new, Nintendo is the only company that’s thus far doing it right, all thanks to a simple concept. With most games, I’m punished for purchasing used. With titles on Nintendo systems, I’m rewarded for buying new. See the difference? Subtle, but effective.

Let me explain a bit better. If I were to purchase Battlefield 3 for either the Xbox 360 or PS3 used, I’d be unable to access the multiplayer features without buying a pass that unlocks them, whereas if I bought it new I wouldn’t have to worry about features being absent. Inversely, when I buy Mario Kart 7 this week, I will get a code that can be entered at my Club Nintendo account for coins, which can then be saved up and redeemed for items such as Wiimote holders, decorative fans, Game & Watch games, Mario-themed washcloths, amazing poster sets, or most recently, select games appearing on the Virtual Console and eShop marketplaces. At this moment I can snag the original Super Mario Kart on the Virtual Console for a cool 100 coins, or roughly two Wii games worth of coins (a poster set is 400 by the way, of which I have three).

I can’t stress enough how effective this simple tactic is to encourage me to purchase my Nintendo games new every single time. If there were a similar rewards system for Sony or Microsoft or individual companies, I’d be hard-pressed to buy used ever again because I love incentive programs. To my knowledge, only Nintendo has figured out this reward over punishment concept. Funny how that works.

Besides just loving Club Nintendo, I’ve found that I love my 3DS. I haven’t had an issue with the battery because I do a lot of my gaming in small bursts in bed, at the gym, or just hanging out. Sure, on a long trip I’d be frustrated, but I’m not enduring any long trips with my 3DS (and can’t due to motion sickness). I’m having fun with my system, and already I’ve bought two (soon to be three) killer games for the system, quickly beating my DS’s first year lifespan. That actually makes it more useful to me than my DS thus far.

Looking Ahead to 2012

Of course I'm already setting money of to the side; like I wouldn't?

Nintendo’s lineup for next year on the 3DS looks promising, as I’ve already mentioned, but their Wii showing is nearly nonexistent. Rhythm Heaven is lovely and Xenoblade Chronicles will come out to underwhelming sales (prove me wrong, you know it’ll have a terrible launch), but beyond that what is there to look forward to?

Oh right, the Wii U, Nintendo’s next console. The controller looks pretty crazy and the system is supposed to be Nintendo’s first HD console, but beyond that we don’t know anything else besides a launch window of possibly right around E3. As usual, I’m cautiously optimistic, so we’ll have to wait and see if another risky console gamble pays off.

And that’s it for Nintendo. There’s a lot to love here, but it’s Nintendo, so sometimes it isn’t obvious right away why they’re still in business. But enough from me, what are your thoughts? Did Nintendo have a good year? Or are they indeed doomed? Go ahead and leave a message while I go snag Mario Kart 7 really quick.

(Nintendo Reprise)

Ol’ Donkey Kong was slamming around
All the Kirby’s raiding Hyrule with his mighty ground pound
But suddenly, Link burst from under the temple,
Hitting DK with a Bob-omb, ending his trample.
DK wound up his fist and was ready to rock,
But was caught off guard by an electrical shock.
He was now under the mercy of Pikachu
When Captain Falcon swooped in on Big Blue
And he beat Pikachu with his Falcon Kick
Then Link hit em’ both with a flower Lip’s Stick,
But he couldn’t find the heart to replenish his life
When Luigi came out from under a pipe
And pulled a superscope out from under his hat
Blowing Link away with a rat-a-tat-tat
But he ran out of ammo, so he threw it and he fled
Cause Samus Aran was sniping for his head.

Donkey Kong threw a barrel at Samus Aran,
Sending her on a one way trip to Dream Land
Then Pikachu came back in a quite shocking rage,
But Mario grabbed him and spun him off stage
And Link was badly damaged and about to get floored
By Luigi who came back with a beam sword
But something swiped him off his feet in a flash
It was Fox McCloud with his light speed dash
And he saw Donkey Kong sneaking up from behind
So he reached for his ray gun which he just couldn’t find
Because Link had stole it and he shot it at the ape,
But Mario deflected it with his cape.
And then he jumped in the air, and he shot a fireball
While Luigi became a human cannon ball
The Brothers collided in the air and they fell
Both into the path of Jigglypuff’s Spell.

The Goombas trembled,

And the Koopas cowered.

Up from the Depts

Ascended Giga Bowser

Who Delivered a Slam

That could split the ground

And landed on top

Of Fox McCloud

Who went blasting through the air

Landing back on his ship

As Link hid underneath

To give him the slip.

But Bower saw through

His fight to the death

And he melted Link’s head

With his fire breath.

Then Ice Climber Pink and Ice Climber Blue
And Pokemon the First Movie’s Armored Mewtwo
Zero Suit Samus and Princess Peach
Princess Zelda and her alter ego Sheik
Ganondorf, Metakinght, Ness, Falco Lombarti
Diddy Kong, Yoshi, All the Multi Men of Melee
Toon Link, Pit, ROB, Lucario
Ike and Marth, Mr. Game and Watch and Wario

All came out of nowhere, spawning fast,
And they kicked Giga Bower and his Koopa King ass
It was the most shocking free-for-all the world ever saw
With gamers looking on in total awe.
Fire raged on for a century
Many lives are claimed but eventually,
One man stood in the game of hard knocks…

This was a non-profit fan-based parody
Of Neil Cicierega’s iconic rock comedy.
Hope your Christmas was not stolen by King Dedede.
This is the Ultimate Showdown, Lemon Demon please don’t sue me.

The round-up

It’s the end of the year and that means it’s time for the requisite “Best Of” lists all over the place, and I’m not above pandering to readers nor search engines, so I’m going to run down some of biggest games for the Xbox 360 for 2011. However, rather than talk about how great these games are I’m to talk about why I didn’t play any of them.

You don’t need more than two hands to count all the big retail games on my shelf, and even then they’re all more than a year old. The one big reason I don’t typically go for new games is pretty simple…they’re expensive. At $60 a pop I find it hard to justify buying more than one or two new game purchases a year. My solution is to then buy the games once they go on sale, down to around $30, so when everyone else is playing the latest and greatest, I’m digging into last year’s popular title. Most games don’t get any worse the older they get, so I don’t see any reason to rush to play them.

I’ll admit that it can be hard to not give in to all the video game hype that comes and goes every year, but for the most part many of the those big name games just don’t interest me. Nonetheless, lets look at some of these games and find out why they didn’t warrant a purchase.

Doesn't this guy get tired?

Gears of War 3

Gears of War 3 is easily the biggest and most popular Xbox exclusive that came out this year, at least if I look at what my friends are playing. Every time I log on, somebody is playing Gears. To best honest, I haven’t even played Gears 1 or 2. It seems like a game that I could get behind…lots of guns, explosions and sci-fi action…but every time I see screen shots or gameplay of Gears, I just get the sense that it’s a game I’ve played before. Just more of the same. In many ways that’s unfair because very few of the games we play are new, but hey, that’s just what I see.

Easily the best looking driving game.

Forza 4

I’m a car guy and I love driving games. I have more driving games than I know what to do with, so what if they’re a couple years old? Driving is driving. I learned my lesson about driving games when Gran Turismo first came out. I was all about GT because if you wanted a driving game, that was the game to have. I was supposed to be playing Gran Turismo, so I did. But it didn’t take me long to realize that I absolutely hate simulation driving. When it comes to car games, I just want to get in and go. I’m not interested in tweaking brakes or adjust spoilers. I don’t want to worry about suspension or exhaust manifolds. Just driving in a straight line and making it around the track in time is challenge enough. Forza 4 is a great looking game (I did play the demo) and it certainly does all the cars in the game justice, but between Blur, Split Second and Dirt, I have enough racing to last me for years.

Halo Anniversary

No game is more associated with the Xbox and Microsoft than Halo. I will acknowledge Halo‘s importance to first-person shooters on the console but at the same time, by the time Halo came around I had been shooting people for years on the PC…it was nothing new. And when it comes to shooting, I need a game that has a little more “reality” in it. Shooting laser guns and wielding purple crystal swords doesn’t really appeal to me. When I have the urge to shoot people, I’m more of a Call of Duty guy…and speaking of which, I haven’t played MW3 nor Battlefield 3 outside of demos. I feel they are better FPS games overall compared to Halo, but I got really burned out on MW2 and Black Ops, so I’m taking a shooter hiatus.

Dance Central 2

This one is going to be short and sweet. I don’t dance. Dance Central 2 could very well be the best dancing game every released. From the looks of things it is most certainly the next step up after the DDR games from several years back. Of course, I’m also on the side of the fence that isn’t impressed by the Kinect nor do I believe that it is the future of gaming or interaction, and thus I’ll never buy the Kinect.

What's next? Arkham Universe?

Batman: Arkham City

I know Arkham City isn’t an exclusive Xbox title, nor are any of the titles from this point on, but it was a big release this year and just one more title I’ll be skipping. Don’t get me wrong, I like Batman…I mean, it’s Batman…but I was so unimpressed by Arkham Asylum last year that I have no desire to dig into the sequel. I was excited for Arkham Asylum but I didn’t even finish it because it got boring. It was a bit too repetitive and long for me and Arkham City doesn’t look any different.  There was too much “go here to find that”, then “go there to save that person” followed by “go back to where you just were”. It doesn’t matter if it’s Batman, Superman, Star Wars or Care Bears…that cycle just gets old quick. This same curse also extends to the new Assassin’s Creed Revelations, which is pretty much just Batman in the 16th century.

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

If you’re a RPG fan then from what I can tell, Skyrim is the ultimate game. The game looks great and it’s filled with all the creatures you would expect to find. The game seems endless…too bad I’m not an RPG gamer. Considering I thought Batman was too long and monotonous, you can imagine that Skyrim looks 1000 times longer to me. I get the excitement in exploring an open world while fighting dragons with my giant axe, but I just don’t have the time to invest in games that require a lot of brain power. Whenever I’ve gotten into these games in the past, I do so for a couple weekends and then I stop playing. The trouble is then when I come back to the game, I’ve forgotten everything and I feel like I have to start over…tis a vicious cycle. However, if I was to need a single RPG game to play and love, it looks like Skyrim would be it. And to all of those that can endure hours upon hours of open world gaming, I commend you (and maybe envy you).

Does this make me a bad gamer?

After complaining about a bunch of video games I haven’t even played, you’re probably questioning my gaming credibility, and I wouldn’t blame you. I’m sure you have all the games I talked about on your shelf right now and you’ve maybe even completed them and taken them back to GameStop already. I just enjoy the smaller arcade games a lot more. Not only do I think they’re more challenging but they fit nicely within my gaming ADD. I’m just not a big game player, and while that might not make me your typical gamer, I can tell you it keeps a little more money in my pocket.

Let’s Think Deep: The Great Zelda Schism:

There’s no better place to start than one of our original Toy-TMA Originals, a column of Let’s Think Deep, our longform opinion pieces. We’ve done a lot over the past two and a half years, but one that I felt really proud of was “The Great Zelda Schism”. In it, I get a chance to pontificate on a topic I’d previously been unable to express, specifically why there’s such a divide among Zelda fans between the art styles and what they mean. This leads into one of my favorite reviews ever…

Gonna Take You For a Ride: A Review of Spirit Tracks:

Before we had the regular segment called Bad Games That Should Have Been Great, I encountered a pair of games that for one reason or another really frustrated me. The first was God of War III, and the second was Spirit Tracks for the Nintendo DS. This review, filled with righteous nerd anger, would be the basis for many more articles to come, and something about this stream of consciousness, annoyance-fueled tirade brings me back again and again. However, not everything is terrible…

Hot Wheels, a life long friend:

Brian, our usual Friday writer, is not only a great writer and produces some of my favorite articles, but he’s also one of my favorite partnerships online. He’s consistently brought a wonderful contrast to the things that Gus and I typically write, and fresh perspective is always fantastic.For instance, I had a passing fancy with Hot Wheels, but Brian understands them inside and out, quite literally. Getting to read his writing on Hot Wheels and what they mean in his life is really something quite special, and I wouldn’t disregard it so easily.

Crash Bandicoot, A Retrospective:

You can’t speak about passion without bringing Gus into the mix. Over a year ago I asked Gus for a guest piece and since that fateful day, Gus kept sending me article after article, even if I didn’t ask. I was delighted to bring him on as a fulltime writer, currently filling the Monday spot perfectly with his raw enthusiasm for every subject he touches. For instance, I’d highly recommend reading through his (currently) 4-part Crash Bandicoot retrospective as it will most certainly make a fan out of you. After his Crash Team Racing article, despite being a diehard Mario Kart fan, I was seriously considering switching teams. Do not underestimate Gus’ resolve for a good argument. Speaking of which…

Top 10 Misconceptions of Avatar The Last Airbender:

Gus spent over a year trying to convince me to give Avatar The Last Airbender a chance, and for some reason I refused to listen. Now that I’ve seen the show, I can safely say that it’s one of the best things ever aired on TV, but with that comes a love that demands argument, and in comes Gus’ list of 10 misconceptions from the series that I honestly couldn’t help myself from debating, leading to a counter article from my end. When the smoke had cleared, Gus’ original article had more comments and thus was declared the winner. However, this debate may rage on for some time elsewhere, such as No Right Answer, but that’s to be decided another day. But hey, winning isn’t everything…

How To Lose With Dignity:

Sometimes I just can’t resist a good humor article in the vein of Dave Barry, and so I’m so glad that I took the time and wrote a few guides on important subjects, most noteworthy “How To Lose With Dignity”. It’s an important skill but one that few people possess. All the same, I felt that my writing was strong and the humor flowed perfectly here. It really makes me wonder why I don’t do more How To guides more often…

Let’s Think Deep: Books and Games:

I can’t mention my favorite Toy-TMA articles without eventually mentioning my wife, Sharayah, seeing as how she’s one of my favorite writers, for clearly biased reasons. Joking aside, her Let’s Think Deep piece titled “Books and Games” is a wonderfully written article about the connection between books and video games, specifically how the two worlds relate to one another. She describes how the ideology of a hardcore gamer and the ideology of a hardcore reader don’t necessarily differ that greatly, as well as how the two media excel in different areas. So yes, we can be literary here beyond just talking about toys and video games.

Comic Book Club: Amethyst, Princess of Gemworld:

One of our past writers, Cassie, was great about offering another new voice among Gus and I ranting and raving about our favorite video games and cartoons. She covered a wide variety of toys that I’d never have thought of, such as creepy celluloid toys or some strange robots, but it was a Comic Book Club article of hers that jumped out at me. Amethyst, Princess of Gemworld is a comic book that I’d previously never heard of, but after Cassie described it I started to wish I had a greater knowledge of the source material, or at least had a younger sister that had been into comics. I’m a sucker for a good story, and Amethyst has all he elements of an interesting world. Learning about people’s past isanother big favorite of mine, hence why we have…

Halloween Costume Quest: Doing Halloween Costumes Like a Champ:

Another of Brian’s amazingly unique articles, this time regarding his history with homemade Halloween costumes, something we probably all have memories of. Not only does he take a stance that I fully endorse- that of the importance of putting forth some effort with costumes- but he shares with us some old home photos as well. Ever wanted to see Brian dressed as a train conductor? Or Macho Man Randy Savage? Well, now you can! There’s just something fun about articles written specifically to tie into a holiday, for instance…

Seven Tragic Video Game Love Stories:

I wrote this one this year to coincide with Valentine’s Day and felt extremely pleased with the results. I thought I had a good variety with a few people might not have considered at first, and best of all, it was timely! And original to our site! And well…it didn’t go as viral as I would have hoped. Perhaps part of this was because while I submitted this to Kotaku’s tip email in hopes of getting on their weekly Top 5 of Top 10 Lists, I didn’t make it, though some other list that seemed veeeeeeeery close to mine actually did. Thus is life sometimes. Every now and then when I feel lonely, I take a look back and remember some of those love stories again. But if there’s one article I look back the most fond out, it’s…

5 Things From DBZ I Wanted To See But Didn’t:

Nearly one year ago I wrote up yet another Dragon Ball Z list and initially thought nothing of it. I just wanted to talk DBZ, so I wrote a list to get my fix. However, the writing felt good, and more importantly, the images seemed to work so very perfectly at last. Part of this article’s special place in my heart is a simple fix I had made that ended up going a long way. At the time, there was a problem on our site where images wouldn’t stay centered, so I discovered that by making sure the images were the exact width of the article, they’d appear centered and by association make the article look more professional. And the result, now rendered irrelevant thanks to our spiffy new site design, was great. Not only that, I was on fire with the captions, a feat I can rarely replicate. This was a turning point for the site and sometimes when I need to remember why I enjoy writing for Toy-TMA in the first place, I stop here for a visit.

Of course, these articles aren’t the only ones that I enjoy, reread frequently, or would consider my favorites. No, there are far too many to list! So I want to hear what some of your favorite articles are instead. What have you enjoyed reading these past few years? What sort of features do you want to see more of? What can we do to serve you better? And fallow Toy-TMA writers, feel free to make a list of your own! It’s Christmas, so let’s look at the fond memories and continue on, shall we?

Merry Christmas one and all from Toy-Too Much Awesome!