Prometheus comes out in just a couple weeks and I couldn’t be more excited to see it. Not only is this movie a return to a universe I had all but given up on, I think it could be a proper return to science fiction at large. People are kind of hesitant to throw out the word “prequel” when it comes Prometheus, but anyone that’s paying attention knows it is. It’s not hard to see that Prometheus shares the same DNA as the Alien franchise that was born 33 years ago this weekend, and if the director, cast and visuals is any clue, this franchise might just return to its former glory.

The infamous Space Jockey...Prometheus' direct connection to the Alien universe

In space no one can hear you scream

The first Alien movie was a milestone of sci-fi horror that gave us one of the most iconic creatures in the alien, and one of the most legendary scenes of an alien bursting out of someone’s chest – a scene you’ve no doubt reenacted yourself for friends, especially after eating some White Castle that maybe decided to give you a hard time. Then after seven years and what seemed like forever, the sequel Aliens was released and transformed one of the best horror films into one of the best action films. If Alien made you anxious with fear, Aliens made you anxious with pure adrenaline. The famous aliens returned, as did Sigourney Weaver, only this time she was armed to the teeth and ready to fight. It was a cat fight of epic proportions and to this day is a movie that I can watch over and over despite its 120+ minute runtime. I’ll go on the record that Aliens was a better movie and thus puts the franchise in the rare category where the sequel is better than the original.

That was 1986 and that was the last time anyone enjoyed an Alien film. Then six years after that it was “game over, man” when Alien 3 was released and sucked…then Alien Resurrection, which really sucked, and then we were insulted with the Alien vs. Predator movies. For those keeping score, the Alien franchise has been beaten and neglected for the better part of 30 years to a point where an entire generation only know the alien monsters from AVP. I’m hoping Prometheus will be the film we all want it to be and put the Alien franchise back where it belongs as an exciting mix of sci-fi action and horror.

Bringing back real science fiction

To be honest, I really want to see Prometheus do well because I want to see full science fiction movies make a comeback. Looking at the past decade, there haven’t been that many straight up sci-fi films worthy of note. Take out all the comic book movies, which I don’t consider very sci-fi anyway, and that leaves you with maybe less than a half dozen films of note. Minority Report for sure, and the Star Trek reboot was a big shot in the arm but otherwise Hollywood has been focused on vampires, wizards and superheroes (although I don’t blame them, they bring in big cash). I just want to watch a good sci-fi story that exists within original sci-fi world. The new Total Recall movie is hopeful but Prometheus will mean more if only because the Alien movies made such an impact on my childhood.

Science fiction done right...with big heads and mysterious cylinders.

The Alien universe had style…and it was some bad ass, scary style. Sitting still on the wall, the art of HR Giger is weird and slightly perverted, but put it on the big screen as a backdrop for androids, spaceships and heavy artillery, and you have yourself a good time. Unfortunately, that style was lost over the years. After Aliens, the only hint of Giger’s work was the alien creature itself, everything else was left to being a “dirty future”. Prometheus is taking us back to where the series belongs…in the heart of an alien species.

We’re told the aliens in Prometheus are not the aliens from the older movies, but I have no doubt there is some lineage there. I expect Prometheus to explain the origin of the alien creatures we’ve all come to know and love. Plus we’re treated to a new android…I mean, synthetic person…in David, the subject of some excellent viral videos. I’m also happy to see Prometheus will be rated R, which is right where it belongs. Movies have been too scared of an R rating for too long. Yes, PG-13 technically means a younger crowd can see the movie…but who’s checking? I don’t know about you, but I was walking into R-rated movies in middle school. Point being that Prometheus needs to be rated R to do what it needs to do. I’m happy they didn’t restrict their choices just to get a lesser rating…do what you need to do to make a good movie. If it’s rated R, it’s rated R…people will still go see it.

All things said and done, I’m really just excited to see an Alien franchise movie on the big screen. The first two movies existed only as VHS tapes in my life, so I never saw either one of them in the theatre with an audience. Watching Prometheus with all the luxuries a modern movie theatre offers should be an exceptional experience that will not only take us back but also make us hopeful for the future of science fiction.

I would like to now give some critical advice to anyone who read my first Naruto article. For any of you who did start watching the series on Netflix after my recommendation, fair warning, after you finish the waterfall fight in Season 3, STOP RIGHT THERE! This was the point of the series where the anime completely caught up with the manga and the animators had nothing left to work with. The result was them stalling for entire seasons worth of nothing but underwhelming sub plots that are, for lack of a better word, crap. So unless you want to stomach over a hundred episodes of filler, DO NOT WATCH ANY FURTHER! Rather, what you are going to want to do is after the waterfall fight, go directly to the series revival. To key fans into letting them know they were going back to the original source material, they renamed the show Naruto Shippuden, which covers the original manga from Volume 28 onwards. Here are the results.

We begin after a two year time skip, Naruto returns home after being on a training sabbatical with one of the three Sanin, toad sage Jiraiya. After a quick reunion with his former cellmates Sakura and Kakashi sensei, we move on to see that not only him, but everyone in the Hidden Leaf has gone through their mid-teen growth spurts. Apart from the obvious physical growth anyone could have predicted (Choji filled out and now looks like a linebacker, Kiba’s now riding Akamaru instead of the other way around, Ino is wearing the same size outfit she was before, proving sixteen year old hipster chicks are way better than thirteen year old ones, and HOLY CRAP, HINATA IS SHOWING HER ANKLES!), every one of Naruto’s former classmates is now ranked Chunin (the intermediate class of Ninja) or higher, and his foreign pal Gaara of the Sand has even been crowned the Kazekage (Sand Village Leader).

And now, to hand out the highly coveted Most Improved Shinobi Award, and our winner is…

Sakura Haruno

Believe it, this cherry blossom has come a long way from being the helpless superficial little girl with not a single discernable skill to her name. Thanks to two years of rigorous training under the Fifth Hokage and another of the three Sanin, Lady Tsunade, Miss Haruno has been outfitted into a well oiled shinobi machine, with brute strength capable of conjuring earthquakes at will. Not only that, she has also learned a good deal of medical jutsu, a technique alone that takes her from the least talented member of her graduating class, to one of the most valued citizens in the entire village.

Congrats, Sakura. After seeing what you were able to accomplish in two short years, I can’t wait to see what Jiraiya was able to teach Naruto in that time.

And……this is where the show takes it’s first step backwards. In two years, everyone has improved with their higher ranks and duties and brand new techniques, EXCEPT for Naruto. All he has to show for his two year sabbatical with Jiraiya is a marginal upgrade in strength and skill, and a bigger Rasengan. Whoopdee-do. This is the part where our former editor Chris might of chimed in to say something like “At least he didn’t get weaker, like Gohan during the time skip of Dragon Ball Z,” and I suppose there would be some truth to that. If I was holding Naruto up to the standard of DBZ, than that would be fine, but I’m not. I’m holding it up to the standard of its current competitor. During the two year time skip of One Piece, we were shown where Luffy was training and what exactly Luffy was training to learn. Then, five episodes into post time skip (which by Shonen standards is a pretty short length) we get to see him fully mastered in the techniques he set out to learn, and is able, in a single punch, to KO an enemy that he fought just before the time skip and couldn’t even dent.

While I have seen that level of growth in certain characters, obviously Sakura, and Sasuke as well (we’ll get to him) it’s rather disappointing that creator Masashi Kishimoto dropped the ball with his main protagonist. …Though when I think about it, it’s not that hard to figure out why they didn’t get anything done.

Anyway lets move on. So there is this new threat taking shape across the shinobi world. The Akatsuki, an underground cult comprised of rogue ninja from all corners of the world. Their goal is to extract the soles of all nine of the tailed beast (known as Biju) all of which reside inside the body of a human host (or Jinchuuriki). With Naruto being the Jinchuuriki of the Nine-Tailed Fox, that makes him a prime target, but that alone is not all that attracts Team Kakashi to them. They are also after Naruto’s friend Gaara, another Jinchuuriki (for the One Tailed Raccoon). Also, among the Akatsuki ranks is Uchiha Itachi, the man Sasuke has sworn to kill. Team Kakashi hopes that by infiltrating the Akatsuki, they may learn some valuable information that will lead them to their long lost companion.

As for my opinion on the Akasuki themselves, this is an instance where I believe the individual pieces are better than the sum of their parts. Each member is a master in their own trade of jutsu, and they each come off as formidable and intimidating opponents in their own right, leading to some snazzy fights throughout the series. They each have their own personality quirks and individual motives as well. That said, I find their overarching goal for “World Domination,” to be a bit cheesy, and any time they all have their big gatherings and all come together, they start to look like some emo heavy metal band. Don’t believe me? How about now?

It also doesn’t help that one of their guys wears makeup similar to Keith Richards from KISS, and their figurehead has just about the most emo name in the world: Pain. That may be what they were going for, but the series already has enough emo undertones as it was.

Speaking of which, lets, talk about young Captain Angstypants. Like his two former cellmates, Sasuke also trained under another of the three Sanin, Lord Orochimaru, and as expected, he is a total badass with new techniques up the yinyang. Of course Sasuke, as well as the plot, decide that they no longer need Orochimaru around with a new main villain in the works, so they promptly kill him off (or do they, wink wink) and Sasuke puts his plan of vengeance in motion. He starts by forming his own new team, consisting of, get this… Sugetsu, a smart alec guy with white hair (cough-Kakashi-cough), Karin, a girl with hot pink hair, used in the team for healing and is constantly trying to get in Sasuke’s pants (wheez-Sakura-wheez), and Jugo, a bi-polar delinquent who can turn into an enormous rage monster, and has spiky blonde hair to boot (Oh Masashi Kishimoto, you’re so clever).

In a surprising twist, Masashi Kisimoto actually went forth with the Uchiha Brothers final battle a lot sooner than I was expecting, for better or for worse. I was never a huge Sasuke fan, so I myself was pleased to discover his final goal for vengeance wasn’t going to be stalled for another hundred chapters. Yay, I said, Get this emo off between brothers over and done with so we can move on and focus on the characters and struggles I actually care about.

…And then, the plot proceeded to pull a fast one on me once the fight was over and Itachi dead, as the series new main villain Tobi/Madara/whoever the hell he wants his name to be, shows up to tell Sasuke “The Truth,”: how Kanoha’s officials were the ones really responsible for wiping out the Uchiha clan, believing them to be a threat to the other clans, and how Itachi made himself a martyr to protect the Hidden Leaf’s reputation and give Sasuke a reason to be an avenger and blah blah blah this is DUMB!

Seriously, I cannot express how much a bad taste this entire story arc left in my mouth. The only saving grace was that Itachi was no longer a one-dimensional power hungry git who wiped out his entire clan just to prove a point. Sure, he became more sympathetic, not that it matters now that he’s dead. Sasuke’s anger and lust for revenge doesn’t die with Itachi as we were all hoping, but instead moves directly toward Kanoha village, who in process of telling this story, has also been portrayed in a terrible light. Now he wants to destroy the Hidden Leaf, which was technically what Orochimaru already tried to do way back in the first half of the series, and what the Akatsuki will do to capture Naruto’s Biju anyway, and we all know this is just an easy half baked ploy by the creator to get Naruto and Sasuke to clash again, meanwhile Naruto and Sakura continue to defend him on some miracle that he can be saved even after he’s become a mass murderer and global criminal and MY GOD HOW IS THIS JERK SO FREAKING POPULAR DAMMIT!

I’m… I’m sorry… I just can’t… I have to talk about something else. Oh right, I forgot to talk about Sai.

Toward the beginning of Shippuden, Cell 7 is assigned some new teammates: Sai and Yamato. Of course, any character unfortunate enough to be assigned the roll of “Sasuke replacement,” is already damned to a lifetime of scrutiny, and that is exactly what Sai receives, both in the plot and the fanbase. It doesn’t help that his character design is so obviously meant to parallel Sasuke with the dark hair, pail skin, and the deep emotionless expression on his face. However, I personally find the fandom hate of Sai to be outrageously unfair (unless it’s in regard to his dumbass bare midriff, in which if that’s the case, your all justified. Seriously Kishimoto what gods name told you that was a good fasion design.) Under the hood, Sai is a very intriguing character. He’s got an interesting past that involves all his emotions being beat out of him at the Foundation. His tendency to be open about all his thoughts and always be blunt about the truth is very much welcome, particularly anytime the subject of Sasuke comes up. The first time Naruto gets so butt hurt about the idea of Sai replacing their former cellmate, Sai simply responds with a “fake” smile and says (somewhere around the lines of) this.

“Well…I’m glad you think of me that way. I wouldn’t want to be likened to the weak shit-for-brains Orochimaru clone who only cared about power and ran off to Orochimaru, betraying all of Kanoha village.”

At which point I am like YES! Thank you! Someone finally gets it! Sure, this statement yields him a sucker punch to the face… by Sakura, and the tension between the three of teammates isn’t any easier, but that’s part of the fun. Of course he’s not accepted right away, but I do give credit to Kishimoto for giving him just enough depth and history to make him sympathetic and endearing, and it’s perfectly believable when Naruto and Sakura do eventually accept him. Having a really cool jutsu involving drawing monsters to life doesn’t hurt either.

Yamato is fun as their new instructor as well (Kakashi’s still around though too, so don’t worry). He’s level headed and logical, and is methods of maintaining order in his team are… unique.

Remember how I said Naruto didn’t learn anything during the time skip and how disappointing that was. Well, so far through the course of Shippuden, Naruto has been through not one, but three training sessions, each with a different instructor.

• First with Kakashi to master control of his Wind Chakra.
• Second with Grampa Toad to master Sage Jutsu.
• And the most recent one with the Eight Tails Jinchuuriki, Killer Bee of the Cloud Village, to master his Nine Tails Chakra.

Through the course of these training sessions, Naruto eventually does develop some awesome new techniques. However, this brings up a problem I have with the series structure. How come the plot couldn’t have been reworked so that Naruto could have been training in these practices during the time skip? That way, he could have already came into the show a badass and have something awesome to surprise his audience with. If it was really that important for us to see how his training went down, wouldn’t a simple flashback have sufficed? This could have saved so much time. Time we could have allocated into introducing us to the other six Jinchuuriki before the Akatsuki captured them all, extracted of their Biju’s, and subsequently killed them off.

Pacing has never been Shonen Anime’s strong suit, and Shippuden is no exception. That said, once the battles with the Akastuki start rolling in, the show gets pretty damn awesome. Very early on, Sakura gets her own fight with Sasori, which definitely set the bar for the series. Sasuke, as much as he bugs me, did show off some badass stuff in his battle with Deidara. The Naruto-Pain fight is of course a keeper. Guy vs. Kisame (Round 3), gold. Even Shikamaru, the shadow man I mentioned last article who was a personal favorite of mine, shows off some more of his unmatched brilliance in his struggle against the reaper, Hidan.

So to quickly sum up the things I really liked about the second half of Naruto aka. Naruto Shippuden…

• Sakura’s development.
• Seeing Gaara’s change of heart, and Kankuro subsequent respect for him.
• Shikamaru’s new sense of motivation after the loss of his sensei.
• It’s a little one, but Hinata’s confession. Perfect timing.
• Sai, Yamato, and Killer Bee, all great additions to the cast.
• The fights with the Akatsuki are awesome.
• Naruto does eventually become a badass and has a genuinely touching reunion with his parents.

Now, things I have serious problems with…

• Naruto develops jack squat during the time skip.
• Sasuke’s still an overrated unlikable ass.
• The whole Kanoha responsible for Uchiha’s execution story felt painfully forced.
• Besides Naruto, Gaara, and Killer Bee, we know nothing about the other six Jinchuuriki before they all have their Biju’s extracted and die.

All in all, Naruto from volumes 28-54 has its mix of highs and lows. While I would never say it ever falls to the point of being unreadable, it is pretty clear that tight cohesive story telling is not exactly Masashi Kishimoto’s strong suit, and his true passion can be seen in his artwork.

As of now, in the current wherabouts of the series, Kishimoto has officially hit his stride. With the Five Great Nations of Leaf, Sand, Cloud, Stone, and Mist now united, the world is aimed to stop the remaining Akastuki in their tracks. With their leader revealed to be the masked man known as Tobi, who may or may not be the undead Uchiha Madara, and a newly resurfaced Kabuto, now fully mastered in Orochimaru’s forbidden Jutsu of reanimation, the darkest hour of the Shinobi World may be upon them all.

At the time I’m writing this, Minecraft on the Xbox has already sold more than 1 million copies at $20 a pop (in less than a week). You do the math. It’s obvious people are pretty happy to have Minecraft on their console but I’m keeping my wallet closed despite being a huge Minecraft fan.

PC Minecraft fans need not apply

If you’re already a Minecraft fan then you don’t need the Xbox version of the game. The PC experience is 1,000 times better, not to mention the Xbox version of Minecraft isn’t the same as the current version on the PC. If you’re going from PC to Xbox then you’ll going back in time when many of the things that make the game fun and challenging weren’t even around yet. It’s just a hard jump to make, especially for $20. I don’t doubt the Xbox version will get updates but I’m not that hard up to have Minecraft on my television rather than my computer monitor. Speaking of which…

Playing in the world of Minecraft on a 50″ TV is quite a different experience than playing on a monitor half that size. Being physically far away from the screen is simply headache-inducing, and when large portion of the game is dealing with interfaces and reading it’s just frustrating. However, to their credit, the Minecraft interface of the Xbox version is about as good as you could make it for such a limited controller..but in doing such a good job they eliminated some of the fun that was Minecraft.

Crafting has been streamlined incredibly well but doesn't that kill some of the fun?

When less is not more

One of the best aspects about PC version of Minecraft is that it literally drops you off in the middle of nowhere and doesn’t do anything to help you. To even survive 15-minutes you need to use the resources of the internet and friends. You need cheat sheets, you need to explore and you go through a lot of trial-and-error…all of it fun…and all of that only possible on the computer. A console is obviously quite different so the experience needs to be different. The Xbox version treats you to a tutorial and eliminates the need to look up and learn “recipes” to create items and tools. You might say that this lets you focus more on the gameplay itself, and you wouldn’t be wrong, but all that extra stuff is what made Minecraft such a great game in the first place.

If you fell in love with Minecraft on the PC like I did, then the Xbox version will feel inferior, however being on the console does give the game one feature you won’t get on the computer: split screen. You can play Minecraft on Xbox Live with your friends but you can also play locally which does add some new gameplay. I guess it’s really not much different than playing with someone online but sometimes you just can’t beat physical/verbal interaction with your friends. It’s a lot easier to talk to someone on the couch than type through a chat window on the PC. If you can get comfortable with the Xbox controller, I don’t doubt you and a friend can coordinate some awesome exploration and building in Minecraft.

Local multiplayer with split screen might be the Xbox's only real contribution to Minecraft.

Can the Xbox birth new Minecraft fans?

The one thing I keep asking myself is if people will become fans if their first experience with Minecraft is on the Xbox? I just don’t know and I can’t be objective. All in all, it’s the same game and if you don’t know what you’re missing on the PC version then, well, you don’t know what you’re missing. By all rights, Minecraft is just as good on the Xbox as it is on the PC. Minecraft created a unique gaming experience for me when I started playing it on the PC. The journey of learning how to play, looking up guides, jotting down notes and working my keyboard like a master pianist was all part of becoming a fan of the game. When I think hard about it, if my first exposure to Minecraft is the Xbox version, I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed or played the game at all, let alone buy it.

Playing Minecraft from the couch just has a different feeling, it’s a different emotion…it feels less engaging. Playing at my computer on my desk surrounded by sketches, coordinates and a web browser made Minecraft feel like more of an adventure…an adventure that I was a part of because my ability to learn and organize out-of-game resources was critical to having fun.

I think Minecraft loses a lot when taken off the PC but that doesn’t make it a bad game on the console. My experience and introduction to Minecraft might be incredibly unique, I don’t know. And whatever I say here isn’t going to stop any diehard fan from buying it and having Minecraft available on every platform possible, including your phone, but if you want to get into Minecraft and get the most bang for your buck, buy the PC version and dig in, you’ll be glad you did. Not to mention you can play Minecraft from any computer easily, probably even at work. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’ve spent many a lunch hour digging holes and fighting zombies.

I was asked to replace Chris as editor of TMA and I happily accepted the challenge. This doesn’t mean there will be any drastic changes to the site in the short term, but I’m going to do my best to steer TMA to bigger and better things. As for the immediate future, TMA will remain a two-man operation with myself and Gus posting as much as we can each week. With any luck, business will pick up and we can expand and grow our team back up to where it belongs and deserves.

However, this isn’t my first rodeo. I’ve been writing, building and managing web sites for the better part of 15 years. It started back in high school and that led me to a career of web development with a healthy side of blogging. Writing is a real joy for me, especially when I get to write about the things I love, namely toys and games. I’m an 80s kid that saw the evolution of home video games, the death of the arcades and remembers when Satuday mornings were sacred. When I’m not playing video games or tending to my baby daughter, I’m racing Hot Wheels over at Redline Derby Racing. Feel free to follow @morningtoast on Twitter for more entertainment links and thoughts.

Believe me when I say it’s a privilege to be a writer here at TMA, let alone being the new editor. Even though we’re down a man, I promise we’ll do our best to keep TMA moving down the right path and keep churning out some of the best articles on toys, games and all things fun.

“They’re all brightly colored! They’re like Fruit Stripe Gum. They hit you and you’re like, “OOOOO!” and then after five seconds you’re like, “…aright? Is their anything else?” Flavors gone!

Thus are the words of my good friend, colleague, temporary roommate, and former writer of this very site, Kyle Martinak, on the nature of Tim Burton’s most resent works. Yup, the unfortunate reality of a director once revered for his craziness has been sadly underwhelming for almost a decade now. That said, 2012 announced a good handful of movies under Burton’s wing, whether directed or produced, that appeared promising enough to be the start of a comeback, including Frankenweenie, and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, as well as the subject of today’s review, Dark Shadows. What makes many of these films so intriguing is how they appear to be provoking (or at least attempting to provoke) a sense of nostalgia for his earlier works. Simply put, these films look like the kind of films Tim Burton use to make back when he was at the top of his game.

As for whether or not they will ultimately succeed, that’s still up in the air, especially with the first contestant, Dark Shadows, turning out to be…barely lukewarm.

To get one small thing out of the way, while I am aware this film is based off a cult TV show, it was long before my time and I know nothing about it. As such I will not be commenting on this movie’s authenticity or how faithful of an adaptation it is, and more simply critiquing it on it’s own merits and how well it stands up in this day an age.

So to begin, we meet our protagonist Jack Spa—I mean Barnabas Collins, the son of a wealthy English family of fish marketers from 1752, who travel to America where they establish their new family empire off the coast Mane. Unfortunately, Edward Sic—I mean Barnabas’ fairy tale life is put to rest upon rejecting the love of one of his family maids. The maid in question, Angelique Bouchard, turns out to be a witch, whom does not take to getting spurned favorably, so she does what any obsessed woman in love would do: she murders his parents, his fiancé, turns him into a vampire, turns the entire town against him, and buries him alive. Nearly two hundred years pass, and Raoul Du—I mean Barney is accidentally dug up. It is now 1972, and Angel has spent the good part of two centuries using everything in her power to send his family estate and fishing business into shambles, and likewise for the Collins family itself. With his newfound vampire powers, can the Mad Hatter restore the honor of his family as well as their business, enact his revenge against the woman who cursed him, and ultimately win the love of the Collins family’s new doey-eyed, empty, personalityless governess because he’s apparently into that?

At face value, Dark Shadows is that kind of movie that simply taking one look at its poster will immediately identify it as a textbook Tim Burton film, and watching it does little to break it from that mold. All the classic Burtonisms are present and accounted for:

•  Beautiful and intricate set design, check.
• Gothic undertones, check.
• “Average” human beings that act absolutely nothing like average human beings, check.
• Fashionably offbeat musical montages, check.
• Deceased/neglective/abusive/irresponsible fathers, check.
• Plot twists that make no sense, check
• Johnny Depp, check.
• Mrs. Helena Bonham Carter, check.
• Johnny Depp acting opposite young female love interests that are a good twenty years younger than him but nobody cares or even notices because he’s Johnny Depp and as Johnny Depp he is gifted with the miracle of eternal irresistible youth, guaranteeing his career as America’s Top Movie Star will last forever… you bet that’s a check.

To be fair, this movie is by no means terrible. For starters, let us not confuse the Collins family with the Cullen’s. You know, that family of poser wannabe vampires from Stephanie Meyers overrated series of abstinence porn fairy tales. When Barnabas Collins is turned into a vampire, he is an actual freakin vampire. He burns up in the sun, he has no reflection, hes got real fangs, he feeds on innocent hippies at the dead of night, and they throw in hypnotism powers just for a little extra fun. Barnabas himself is not exactly a heroic protagonist either. He’s selfish and he achieves his goals through unethical means, and it’s legitimately his own fault for the mess he’s in with spurning Angel after sleeping with her. And yet he means well just enough to remain likeable.

The down side is that while we all know Depp has enough shtick up his sleeves to last an eternity, it can get old fast if the rest of the cast does not bring something themselves to the table, and therein lies the main problem of this movie. Dark Shadows has an incredibly diverse and talented cast, and proceeds to do absolutely nothing with them. Michelle Pfeiffer is a family in-law/sort of caretaker, but doesn’t do anything apart from some dull exposition. Jackie Earle Haley, who is AWESOME by the way, is the family butler, but is only in for a few comedic bits that all fall flat. Christopher Lee, also awesome, shows up once for this really pointless cameo. Helena Bonham Carter plays the family shrink and… yeah that’s the whole joke. I did like both the kids in the movie (heck the girl is played by Chloe G. Moretz, who was Hit Girl in Kickass, and is…well, kickass), but I was kind of let down that Barnabas and the boy, David Collins, did not have enough screen time with just the two of them. In my own opinion, they had the best chemistry of the family.

The Governess, Victoria, played by Bella Heathcote, is almost set up to be the second main character. She’s given a whole intro of arriving at the estate, she has this magical gift and a tragic back-story (one that is actually much better handled than Barnabas’ annoying narration at the beginning of the movie), but her character is so bland and she never actually does anything interesting herself. She just turns out to be the prize Branabas has to protect from the wicked witch. Speaking of which, Eva Green is actually quite a bit of fun as Angel. She’s spunky, seductive, and makes a decent antagonist, but that just makes me more confused why Barney would choose this really dull uninteresting governess over her.

Dark Shadows does have its moments. Tim Burton films have always triumphed visually. The 70’s backdrop is definitely welcomed and there were actual sets and not a ton of CGI. I just wish the whole movie were a little more fun. Not his worst film, but definitely not his best. It’s just okay.

If you are already a part of the cult Tim Burton fan base that is into his style of making movies, you will probably like this movie just fine. For everyone else, I can’t say you will be missing much if you don’t rush to the theatre to catch it right away. You can go ahead and see The Avengers again. Or Cabin in the Woods if you haven’t yet. Or that new claymation Pirate movie. I hear that one’s actually a lot of fun.

One true love

We all like to remember our childhood toys, movies and cartoons. We buy little trinkets and novelty t-shirts to show off that we remember these things, as though to let the world know what generation we’re from, but there are few things that we keep really near-and-dear. I played a lot of games and watched a lot of TV growing up, and I remember many of them, but most of them are just that…good memories…but a few of them I still loudly and proudly stay in touch with and will never let go. One of these is GI Joe.

Despite being the resident “old coot”, I’m not so old that I remember the full-sized GI Joe dolls. No, my fascination with GI Joe started with the 1980s cartoon and 3″ action figures. I watched the cartoon religiously and feel that it holds up pretty well when you go back and watch it today…as long as you can accept what it is, a cartoon for kids. It’s not the best written series but if you can get passed some of the really crazy stuff, you can find some good storylines and great characters. I knew the GI Joe stories and characters better than any of their cartoon contemporaries, such as Transformers and He-Man, but as I’ve returned to GI Joe in recent years, I’ve found a lot of things have changed…and not all for the better.

In watching and reading a lot of the new GI Joe incarnations has thrown my GI Joe reality completely out of whack. As it turns out, there are many GI Joe realities which doesn’t make my reality wrong, it just makes it out of date. I understand that franchises need freshened up to feed a new generation of kids and consumers, and I’m cool with that and because I love GI Joe I’ll do my best to embrace what’s out there…but there is a lot to choose from. I’ve found a few new GI Joe things that I get into only to find it had a short shelf life, which makes me move on to another version that has its own reality. I have fun with one storyline and character set only to find out they are treated entirely differently in the next rendition. Heaven help you if you switch back and forth between GI Joe universes at the same time because you’ll get all out of whack.

The original GI Joe, some of the best friends you'll ever have

GI Joe: A Real American Hero, where it all began

The cartoon I grew up with, GI Joe: A Real American Hero, only lasted two years but that was a comprehensive 95 episodes of learning half the battle. This is where I first met the endless parade of memorable characters like Duke, Scarlett, Low Light, Snake Eyes, Shipwreck, Road Block, Flint, Destro, Cobra Commander, Zartan…the list can go on and on. But let’s face it, there was nothing too deep here. Cobra was the bad guy trying to take over the world and GI Joe was the good guy trying to stop them. Every now and then you’d get a little look into some backstory – and those were always the best episodes – but for the most part you just went along with it. You didn’t ask how Cobra had secret snake-shaped temples in the jungle, nor did you really notice that nobody got shot. Every now and then GI Joe would dive a bit into spiritual and telepathic things but for the most part it was planes, robots and tanks…and I couldn’t have been happier.

Stylistically I think GI Joe is wonderful. Every character had their own unique identity in appearance, which usually complemented their trade and sometimes even their personality. You never got the heavy gunner and airplane pilot confused, nor the helicopter pilot and deep sea diver. Not to mention GI Joe was a very vibrant cartoon. Color was almost a character in itself that was used to make brilliant backgrounds while also helping you instantly know what and how you should feel. However, the music was another story. While cheesy/awesome in that 1980s-drama-type style, the music sometimes conflicted with the action on screen. You don’t really notice (or care) about this when you’re a kid but it’s quite laughable when you go back now. All-in-all, A Real American Hero really was the total package (with or without the toys).

What the heck is this? It's GI Joe Sigma 6...meh.

The failures of GI Joe

After Real American Hero ended, the GI Joe cartoons kind of went down the tubes. Only in very recent years did the GI Joe animation projects seem to feel interesting to me. There was GI Joe Extreme which tried to bring in a whole new cast of characters, which I was not at all interested in learning about. After that the GI Joe: Sigma 6 series took GI Joe into the anime realm and added super suits into the mix (a trick we’d see later in the movies). Even though Sigma 6 brought back original characters, they changed them up in story, style and even age. For a fan like me this was a deal-breaker. I didn’t like the style of the cartoon and I couldn’t accept all the changes that were made otherwise…I guess that’s why the cartoon didn’t even finish its run.

GI Joe: Renegades, better but lacking

Now we’ll scoot ahead to just a couple years ago and GI Joe: Renegades completes its only season of 26 episodes. Renegades was another retooling of the classic characters but for some reason I was able to tolerate this incarnation a little better…maybe it’s because the premise of Renegades is pretty much the same as The A-Team but with GI Joe characters. A small group of characters including Duke and Scarlett are “wrongly accused of a crime they didn’t commit” and have to find the evidence they need to put away the real bad guys, which, of course, is Cobra. However, this time Cobra isn’t the Cobra I’d come to love to hate. In this reality, Cobra was a well-known and accepted mega corporation that had its hand in all sorts of consumer goods like food, medical supplies and manufacturing. The general public isn’t even aware of their tomfoolery until they are exposed in the last episode. This twist on Cobra is somewhat interesting and is far more believable as a story but it’s just kind of bland for me. Yet, I think the writing of Renegades if better than the original cartoon but after 25 years, I’d hope so.

GI Joe: Renegades, not bad but I need a little bit more

However, where Renegades really drove me nuts was in how the characters were presented. Not only was Renegades back in an anime style, they dropped the ages of them considerably. For example, in the original cartoon Dr. Mindbender was a bald German with a cape, boots and a bad attitude. In Renegades, Mindbender is a snotty kid in a lab coat. What sounds more menacing to you? I’m sure this change in age was so kids can “relate” to the characters more but one of the best things about the original cartoon was that the characters were adults and older than me, which made me want to be them. Before the characters seemed larger than life, but now they were reduced to somewhat everyday people. A little magic is lost. As a 10-year-old I can’t be Duke, and I knew that, but maybe when I grow up I can be. If you see Duke as an equal when you’re a kid, what’s left? (Plus it makes it a lot harder to be able to enjoy the cartoon as an adult.)

Sadly, Renegades also managed to suck the color right out of GI Joe. Gone are the vibrant colors and over-the-top character styles. I can accept Destro being Scottish and even giving Cobra Commander half a face, but what happened to the style? Every scene sits in the “dull grey” zone both in character and background. I thought anime was about details? Even though I watched the entire Renegades series and enjoyed most of the story, the shift in the reality was a little too much for me. What I really wanted was a continuation of the cartoon I love with a little more oomph.

GI Joe: Resolute, the best of both worlds

Even before Renegades aired, GI Joe: Resolute appeared on Adult Swim as a series of cartoon shorts. After watching and loving Resolute, I was hoping they’d produce it as a regular cartoon but instead we got Renegades. Too bad because Resolute is everything you ever wanted GI Joe to be.

For one, Resolute starts off with something rarely seen in GI Joe…blood. Things kick off with Major Bludd dead on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. That scene alone sets the tone for the series and tells you this isn’t your mama’s GI Joe…or is it? Resolute might be a lot grittier than previous versions of the cartoon but they didn’t do much in messing with characters or established storylines. Your favorite trademark characters are still around, including Bazooka in his football jersey…of course, Bazooka ends up dead but that’s the other great thing about it, there are surprises. I won’t spoil them all if you haven’t watched Resolute but it’s safe to say they really shake things up. You can say that Resolute is messing with storylines by killing of characters and you’d be correct but they are far easier to digest as a fan because they play within the rules. As a fan of the original cartoon, at no point was I calling foul. GI Joe: Resolute is the ultimate nod to original fans because it feels like GI Joe has evolved rather than been simply re-imagined to reach a new generation of kids. That’s all we fans ever wanted…just more GI Joe but a little more grown up and Resolute gave us that, even if only for 45 minutes.

When you watch Resolute you’ll quickly notice that it too is in a more anime-like style than the original cartoon. I might prefer the non-anime treatment but I feel Resolute is a balance between the original and Renegades. Drawings are crisp shaded but environments are very detailed…think more along the lines of Ghost in the Shell rather than Pokemon. Perfect.

Yo Joe! For life.

It’s safe to say we’ll probably never see an end to GI Joe, whether it be in cartoons or on the movie screen. There’s also a well-established comic series (that actually gave birth to the modern GI Joe) but I’ve never really dug into them or the graphic novels. However, I have read a book of short stories, Tales from the Cobra Wars, that is a wonderful exploration of your favorite characters in even more real-world situations.

If you throw a GI Joe cartoon in front of me, I’ll watch it…but that doesn’t mean I’ll like it. I really don’t consider myself a hardline GI Joe’er when it comes to characters and storylines. I’m just looking for something that takes nostalgia into consideration without reinventing the wheel. The old GI Joe cartoon formula still works…then, now and forever. Yo Joe.

!!!SPOILERS!!!

OHEMGEE,THISMOVIEISTHE****!!!SOTHOR’SBIGBADBROTHERLOKICOMESTOEARTHANDISLIKE“PUNYHUMANSGIVEUPYOURFREEDOMMUAHAHA!”
BUTTHENCAPTAINAMERICASWOOPSINANDISLIKE“NOTIFIANDMYTRUSTYFRISBEEOFPATRIOTISMCANHELPIT!”
SOWITHTHEHELPOFIRONMANANDFRIENDSTHEYCAPTURELOKI,BUTTHENTHEYSTARTFIGHTINGFORNOREASON!
“YOU’REABOYSCOUTROGERS!”“OH,YEAH,YOU’REAJERKSTARK!”“OHYEAH,WELLYOU’REALLPETTYMORTALSWHO
AREBENEATHME!”BLAMEBLAMESQUABBLESQUABBLE,THENBRUCEBANNERISLIKE,“STOPFIGHTINGEVERYONE
YOURMAKINGMEANGRY!WAAH!”ANDINALLTHECOFUSIONLOKIESCAPESANDUSESTHEALLSPARKFROMTHE
TRANSFORMERSMOVIETOUNLEASHANALIENINVASIONONTOMANHATTAN!ANDTHEALIENSARELIKE,“EEEGAZZ!DERIZVEYTOOMANYCARZINZISCITY!ITEEZATIMETOINVADEZEEART!FIRSTASTEPTOINVADEZECITYIZTODESTROY
ALLOFZECARZ!DESTROYZECARZ!!!”ANDTHENSAMUELJACKSONISLIKE,“IAMSOSICKOFTHESEMOTHER******
ALIENSDESTROYINGOURMOTHER*******CARS!!!AVENGERSASSEMBLEYOURBUTTSBEFOREISPANKTHEM!”ANDTHE
AVENGERSARELIKE,“…OKAY.”SOTHEYGOTOSTOPTHEALIENSFROMBLOWINGUPMORECARSBYBLOWINGTHEMUP,
AND IT IS AH—MA–ZAAAANG!!!IRONMANISLIKEVROOOOOM!PEWPEWPEW!KABLOOIE!ANDTHORISLIKEPOWBAM
WEEEEEEEEKERSMASH!ANDHULKISLIKESMASHSHMASHYSHASHIZZLEYO!ANDBLACKWIDOWISLIKE,“HEYLOOKAT
ME!ICANDOSTUFFJUSTBYKNOWINGKARATEANDBEINGSMOKINGHOT!SEE?SEEHOWSUPERHOTIAM?ANDTHANKSTOBLACKWIDOW’SHOTNESSLOKIWASDEFEATEDANDTHECARSANDTHEAVENGERSALLLIVEHAPPILY
EVERAFTER,EXCEPTFORTHEONEGUYLOKIKILLED!WHYYYYYYYYYYY!WHYDIDYOUHAVETOLEAVEUSMR—

…Okay, okay. I think I’m done.  Besides this typing really fast with no spaces is messing up the site formant. Thanks for asking nicely, Hulk.

!!!End of Spoilers!!!

By the time this review is ever conceived, written, and posted, Marvel’s The Avengers will already long be a critical and commercial phenomenon. Last year, I believe I went on record saying that my Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 review would be the most pointless review of my career. However, judging by what I have just seen, I’m starting to believe that I may have spoken a year too soon.

So where do we begin? Well, you got Tony Stark: A self pleasuring textbook narcissist, whose playboy antics may cause trouble, but not half as much as his mouth. Opposite of him is Steve Rogers: Golden boy of America’s golden generation, whom despite his pride and arrogance, is selfless, compassionate, and virtuous to a fault. In comes Bruce Banner: Bright, perceptive, with the scariest case of quadro-polar-schizophrenia imaginable, bringing both the voice of reason and the fist of a thousand furies. Observing them all from above, Thor: Prodigal Son of Asgard, unapologetically proud and arrogant, though may be the most emotionally conflicted with the opposition consisting his own family. Speaking of which, his brother Loki: Once a harmless mischief-maker of Asgard, who now feels deceived and cast out by everyone he once loved. A god whose whole life has been about making jokes only to unwearyingly discover his entire life has been the mother of them all, with him as the butt of it.

Placing all these larger-than-life personalities and inner demons into a single confined space together and forcing them to interact with one another creates a chemistry that practically writes itself. It is intense, it is provocative, heart wrenching, tear jerking, and it is some of the funniest stuff you will ever witness on the big screen all year, guaranteed.

Director Joss Whedon has been often claimed as a god among nerds. While he’s had some rough times now and again on several projects, this is the year when he lives up to nearly every definition of that title. Not just for this, but for yet another film that released not a few weeks ago. Cabin in the Woods, also directed by Whedon, has got to be the most brilliant and creative commentary on the horror movie genre I have ever seen. If you have already seen the Avengers enough times by now, do not miss out on that one.

Anyway, back to The Avengers. This is the kind of movie that could have so easily turned out to be, as my colleague put it, “Iron Man and Friends,” however I am so pleased to announce that it is nothing of the sort. Joss Whedon balanced the screen time, action, and dialogue of eight main characters so perfectly, that it felt like none of them got the short end of the stick. Sure you have all the heavy hitters I mentioned above, but even the lesser fighters, Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Nick Fury, all had tremendous overhauls of badassery and character development.

Epic is not a uniquely descriptive word in the movie industry, but I must say, the action sequences of The Avengers officially buy the rights to that word. From now on, any other use of it will be arrested by the dictionary police and brought in for questioning, placed side by side this movies action scenes, given a full scan comparison to accurately validate its use. By this, I mean they are real spanking good. As much as I have already joked about how much these bad guys like to blow up cars, the cinematography, CGI, fight choreography, and alien designs are all perfect 10s across the board. This truly feels like seven people fighting an armada, and we have absolutely no clue how in the name of Odin they plan to make it out of this alive. Hell, they DON’T plan to make it out alive, but they’re still going to defend the Earth as long as they humanly can. That’s what’s so Epic about it.

If I were in any kind of mood to be nitpicking, I’d say there were maybe a few mini missteps. For one, I knew going into the movie, the Avengers would clash quite a bit, simply given their personalities, but I didn’t expect them turning on each other to last a whole half of the movie, and that Loki’s early triumphs are less do to with any clever ploy he hatches, and more because our heroes take so long to get their act together. Whatever, it was still fun. The second thing, of all the Hero’s intros, Thor’s arrival back on Earth felt a bit rushed, namely because they made such a big deal at the end of his movie on how the Bifrost was destroyed and he could never go back. Though I can get that plot point being a bit tedious and not worth the time and money it would take to fully realize it.

And that’s it. Those are really the only complaints I can come up with, and they are really not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.

At this point, with the movies success, Joss Whedon will be golden to do whatever the heck he wants for his future projects. The movie’s first post credit scene already sets up the franchise to have a very promising lead-in for a possible sequel. But for all we know, that could be another five years from now, and in the meantime, Marvel’s got plenty of other prospects to attend to. Iron Man 3 is already underway. A Thor sequel should be soon to follow. We’ve finally found a stable Hulk in Mark Ruffalo, so keep an eye out for more of him. Meanwhile, we’re still waiting for Edgar Wright’s Ant-Man rumors to bear fruit.

And if I may be so bold. On behalf of my good friends and even bigger Marvel fans than I, Joss Whedon has always done well to create and direct such empowering female characters. Simply seeing how well Ms. Scarlett Johansson was handled here is perfect example of that. To make the absolute most of this, we highly recommend recruiting yet another strong and much anticipated heroine of the Marvel Universe to the Avengers, (after first receiving her own solo movie, of course) and that is Ms. Carol Danvers.

True believers, the Golden Age of comic book movies has been well underway for sometime now, and yet something tells me it is far from over. As fantastic and monumental as The Avengers is, and everyone should do themselves a favor and go see it, I do not think that it isn’t possible to be outdone in the future. Until next time, keep up the good work, and I’ll be watching.

EXCELCIOR!

Most of the games I play now are high score games that don’t rely on a specific end-level bosses but more on racing against the clock or just continuous levels until you die. Most of the bosses I remember are from my early console days. So while we’ve covered the Sony bad guys already this week, I’m going to have to take the high road and just list out some of bosses I remember the most from my gaming prime.

Firebug and The Joker, Batman (NES)

The Joker to my Batman, The Firebug.

Outside of Super Mario Bros., one of the first NES games I played the hardest and struggled with was Batman. The game itself looked great, sounded great and played well. It didn’t really follow anything from the 1989 movie but it was Batman, so who really cares? Each level was challenging enough, so when you finally made it to the last two bosses, you were exhausted and a little bit scared. The last boss was, of course, The Joker, but before you got to him you had to beat his bodyguard, Firebug. Once you beat him you moved right on to the Joker, so it was a double dose of boss battles. Looking back at it, there’s nothing to particularly difficult about beating the Firebug or The Joker, but I remember the real problem was keeping your lives and ammo up high enough that you could take some damage to continue. By the time I made it to the last two guys, I usually had little health and maybe one life left, if that, so when I screwed up and missed the pattern, I was toast and had to start all over. As if that wasn’t enough, you were only given a limited number of continues so if your thumbs were sore by the time the Joker danced in the pale moon light, well, you’d probably have to start all over again.

Dr. Wily’s Robots, any NES-era Megaman (NES)

Dr. Wily's bosses were always tougher than they looked

Megaman was huge game during time on the Nintendo and I loved playing all of those games. I remember Megaman 3 the most but all the Megaman titles from the NES days had some of the most difficult boss battles ever devised. Taking on all of the level bosses was hard enough and took you a long time…then you had to beat them all AGAIN, and only then did you move on to Dr. Wily. But wait…Dr. Wily has more robotic tricks up his sleeve! Right when you thought you were making progress, another robot monster was attacking you. You’d duck, dodge and jump, throwing everything you got at these guys and you’d beat them. You and your friends would cheer, down a can of Jolt and think you were finally moving on to Wily himself…but you’d be wrong. The parade of bosses you had to go through before you got to Dr. Wily was seemingly endless, which actually made defeating the final Dr. Wily all the more rewarding. Completing any Megaman game was a chore and one that was deserving of an ego trip. And if I can say so myself, to this day, the NES-era Megaman games are still some of the most difficult games you’ll find out there.

Psycho Mantis, Metal Gear Solid (Playstation)

Psycho Mantis made a boss battle a real experience

Metal Gear was the first game I finished on the NES outside of SMB, and from that point on I was a Metal Gear franchise follower. When Metal Gear Solid came out on the Playstation is was nothing short of the best game ever. It looked incredible, had awesome cut-scenes, awesome weapons and robots, and a ninja…what more could you ask for? It was the first game I remember playing that felt like a movie, and being such had some of the best characters ever seen in a game, and that includes the bosses. I remember playing MGS with my friends for weeks, trading the controller back and forth when one of us died. It was a real team effort despite MGS being a single-player game. All the bosses were pretty standard until we got to Psycho Mantis, which was unlike anything prior in the game and like nothing else we had experienced in gaming up to that point. During the battle we were all yelling and going nuts just trying to learn his pattern but then Mantis starts rambling off the names of games I had on my Playstation…WTF?! It was shocking and then the screen starting flashing some VCR-style commands and we just couldn’t figure it out. As often as we tried, we couldn’t beat him and we had to get some help from the almighty internets. Once there we learned we could plug the controller into the Player 2 port and defeat him that way. Psycho Mantis could very well be the first boss that made the video game a complete experience rather than just memorizing some patterns…and it’s an experience I’ll never forget.

Mike Tyson, Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! (NES)

Pay attention or Mike Tyson will knock you on your ass fast

You could argue that every opponent in Punch-Out was a boss, but there was no bigger, badder boss in the game than Iron Mike himself. Personally, I had plenty of trouble getting through Mr. Sandman AND THEN Super Macho Man before getting a go at Tyson. By the time I got to Mike Tyson I was so jacked and tired that I couldn’t think straight, and if you’re not paying attention you will get beat. Instantly. Like with any boss, the first time you face them you spend time trying to learn their pattern so you can survive. Well, Mike Tyson doesn’t really give you all that much time and knocks you out with one punch. After two punches you’ll probably get KO’ed and obviously at three punches it’s a TKO and the show is over. So while the first time I reached Tyson was a milestone in my personal gaming history, it was short lived as I failed to beat him and was sent back to the previous fighter…of who I failed to defeat. I’m not sure I’ve ever made it back to Mike Tyson since that time in grade school. Sure, you can go directly to him with the code but there’s not a lot of pride in that. If you don’t start with Glass Joe, make a stop at Soda Popinski and play drums on King Kippo’s gut then you’re not really enjoying Punch-Out.

So many bosses, so little time

Those four bosses are some of the ones I remember the most but there are oh so many more that I remember and even more that are just straight up near-impossible. Reaching Gorro in Mortal Kombat was always a high point, The Boss from MGS3 was intense, fighting Dracula in Castlevania was momentous and whatever that thing was at the end of Ninja Gaiden was unthinkably hard…and those are just some on the top of my head, there are countless others I’ve since forgotten. But most memorable are the bosses that really kicked your ass and put your gaming skills to the test. So many years, so many games, so many bosses.

So, thanks to some inspiration from my employers, I’ve dedicated this week at Toy-TMA to be Boss Appreciation Week, in which I commemorate some of my absolute favorite Boss Battles over the years. Ha, see what I did there? And just make this topic more my own, I’m going to be focusing exclusively on Sony licensed bosses. Why Sony? Well, because not only have I been a fan since the PS1, but as of Friday April 27th they have finally answered one of my dreams, and are in process of making one of my Top Five Franchises That Should Get A Smash Bros Spinoff, a reality (woot!). Check it out for yourself.

So without further ado, here are some of the most thrilling, wacky, fun, intense, badass, and memorable foes who have done battle with every Sony Star worth mentioning from Crash to Kratos.

Dr. Neo Cortex (Crash Bandicoot Series)

Sometimes, a boss battle doesn’t need to be hard in order to make it on my best of list. Sometimes, a boss can win me over with sheer charisma. Bosses that may not be the best at what they do, but they do it with style. That’s what best sums up Crash Bandicoot’s arch nemesis Dr. Neo Cortex. We definitely fit this guy into the same Mad Scientist category that brought us Dr. Robotnic, and Dr. Willy, and his master plans would suggest a very similar mold: use Evolvo-Ray to turn wild animals into superhuman anthropomorphic monsters to create an army to take over the world. Chortex was created in a generation after those other two, and he was developed to have intriguing relations with his colleagues Dr. N.Brio and N.Gin, and the added treat of excellent acting chops done by voice over veteran Clancy Brown (Lex Luther from Superman TAS, Mr. Freeze from Batman TAS, among others) he popped like no other video game mastermind before him.

Of the three times Crash confronted him in the original trilogy, the second battle in Cortex Strikes Back, sticks out to me the most. Crash has to chase Cortex down this space portal on his jetpack to stop the mad scientist from reaching his space station, the Cortex Vortex, and exploiting all the crystals you’ve gathered to power up his death ray and enslave humanity. You have about a 2-3 minute window to chase the doctor down, while dodging mines and astroids, and spin attack him enough times to take him out. It may not have been that difficult, but ultimately watching Cortex go blasting off, cursing your name in a way only Clancy Brown can perform? Music to my ears.

Then of course there’s his epic line from the end of Crash Bandicoot Warped:

“Defeated again! This is not fair! Maybe I should retire, to a nice big beach, with a nice big drink. And a woman, with nice…big… bags of ice for my head.”

Dark Maker Terraformer (Jak 3)

It’s like they say: the bigger they are, the harder they are to chase after in a vast dune covered desert. With the final climactic showdown of Jak 3 comes one of the most over the top final stands one could think of. Errol, who started off as just some punk who rivaled Jak as a racer and to win over his girlfriend Kera, returns in the final third as a Cyborg in cahoots with the Dark Makers, former precursors corrupted by Dark Ego and now seek to erase all life from the universe. While Jak was able to deactivate the Dark Maker’s mother ship hovering over their planet, it was not before Cyber Errol was able to dispatch the ships inner cargo: a massive six-foot terraformer. It lands smack dab in the middle of the Wasteland with its first target locked onto Spargus City: a kingdom Jak’s own father Damas had founded to protect those who were cast out of Haven City.

What follows is Jak and Daxter driving head first in their Sand Shark, guns blazing to take out the terraformer, which was much easier said than done. Driving on the dessert alone is difficult to maneuver (naturally) but the more distractions the more challenging it get’s still. Land mines, check. Spinning homing saws, check. Six separate legs that all have a set number of targets that ALL have to be hit, so you constantly have to be worrying about the angle your approaching the legs, so you can hit the targets properly, even though driving any direction other than forward is a challenge in-and-of-itself, and if you still have to be quick enough to hit your target before the leg lifts up and move to a separate direction…check and mate.

Once the hurdle of taking the legs out is done, it’s a simple  matter of climbing up on the terraformer’s back and blasting the head where Errol’s piloting, and finish the job. All in all, one satisfying conclusion.

Dr. Nefarious (Ratchet and Clank series)

Oh Nefarious. You’ve come so far since your humble beginnings as a bullied distraught human scientist with a pathological love of machines so great you turned yourself into one then deemed all organic life forms inferior species and created the Leviathan space station with the power to turn all the races of the Solana Galaxy into robots under your control. [Breath]

He may not have been Rachet and Clank’s arch nemesis from the beginning, but his debut in their third installment Up Your Arsenal, was so well received, and obviously fun for the creators, that he became a series main stay from then on, and has gone down in history as one of the funniest characters in any video game series ever. Seriously, even on reruns, he cracks me up. He’s also so freaking quotable.

“With the clock under my control, I’ll be able to wrong all the rights in the universe. Every villain who has ever stumbled will get a do-over. Every protagonist’s triumph will be reversed! Until, finally, a new present is created… in which the heroes always lose!”

Yet despite all his cheeky manerisms, Nefarious always turns out to be an extremely formidable foe in all of the two games he stands in as a final boss, with his lazer beams, shockwave bombs, hologram progectors, and about half a dozen other weapons at his disposal. If you do not go into a fight with Dr Nefarious with your weapons maxed out and wearing the lastest battle armor, you will be in a world of hurt.

“When I defeat you, I will rewind time, so that I can do it again. And again. And again!”

This is probably one of the most awesome lines any boss has ever said, because in reality, this is exactly what happens every time you are defeated by a boss. Time is rewound a few short moments from before the fight began so you can do it all over, and be defeated again, and again, and again…until you eventually win… I guess. My hats off to you Nefarious. Always await our next confrontation.

King Bohan (Heavenly Sword)

Fresh off the movie sets as Golem and Kong, the king of motion capture himself would move on to grace the world of video games with his talent. He poured his voice, his body, a even his very facial structure, into the role of King Bohan, the central antagonist of one of the PS3’s earliest hits, Heavenly Sword. Andy Serkis captured Bohan’s essence like a mastermind: A cynical, rage induced, demonically influenced tyrant drunk on power.

And by demonically influenced, I do mean that quite literally. As our heroine taps into the Heavenly Sword’s dormant angelic power, turning her into a pure white goddess of justice that cuts down Bohan’s armies like they were never there, the ruthless King, unwilling to accept defeat, sells his sole to Hell so that he may be granted the power needed to defeat her. Yep, the final battle between Nariko and King Bohan is, quite literally, a battle of Heaven vs. Hell. Badass.

Kessler (InFamous)

InFamous is one of Sony’s latest and greatest series. When I first picked it up in 2009, I was immediately drawn to the games sense of style, and the weight and verosity behind all the super powers. After two successful titles, and a pretty fun Halloween spinoff, still my favorite moment of the entire series is Cole McGrath’s final battle with Kessler.

Kessler comes to Cole very early on and shows him visions of the future. A future Cole believes Kessler is responsible for, which isn’t too far from the truth. As the game progresses, Kessler pushes Cole further with trial after trial, all the while telling him the worst is yet to come. He turns his best friend against him, he kills his wife, he planned out every last detail to ensure Cole received the Ray Sphere and activated it in the first place.

After Cole receives all the powers he can and ultimately makes the decision whether to use or destroy the Ray Sphere, Kessler meets him for one final showdown between the two of them. This fight is intense. Kessler has just as much superpowers as you have, and as he cycles trough each of them, you must counter each of them accordingly and quickly, because each one individually can be fatal. There’s no weakness, you just hit him when you can.

As it all ends, Kessler, in his dying breath shows Cole one final vision. The truth of Kessler’s past, and a twist that would rival any high end M. Night Shamalamadingdong movie.

Zoran Lazarevic (Uncharted 2 Among Thieves)

In 2009’s Game of the Year, and often claimed to be one of the greatest single player experiences ever made, quip-spouting flail-jumping Nathan Drake chases this guy all the way into the heart of Shambhala. Zoran Lazaravic. He’s twice Drake’s size, about four times as strong, armed with an overcompensating double barrel, an unlimited supply of grenades, and he has our hero cornered in a tiny enclosed space in the forest.

Oh and did I mention? He’s immortal.

Well…sort of. I mean, well he just drank the magic of the Cintamani Stone, so now he can’t be killed by conventional weapons. No, Drake has to cleverly blast the explosive sap pods as Lazaravic runs beside them, but even then that doesn’t kill him, just slowly weakens him. You have to be constantly running, jumping, and rolling away this entire fight. Stop for longer than two seconds and you might as well be target practice.

Poseidon/Hades/Hercules/Cronos (God of War 3)

Fighting one immortal may be something, but how about fighting an army of immortals? That’s exactly what Kratos has standing between him and his revenge in the third and [chronologically] final chapter of God of War. So many of these fights include some of the absolute greatest instances of scale and brutality we have yet to see in the entire medium. To this day, I still hold the Hydra fight from the first act in the first God of War to be my personal favorite, but I also cannot deny that Santa Monica did everything they could to pull out all the stops in the third installment, and give us not one, but half a dozen memorable boss battles.

We start with nothing short of the Second most powerful of the gods, Zeus’ brother Poseidon. With all the ocean at his disposal, Poseidon quickly leaped into battle, in attempt to end this war quickly and with the least bloodshed possible. His water tentacles sporting seashoarse-crabs were indeed impressive, alas his efforts proved futile against the Ghost of Sparta’s rage, and his untimely end came to pass.

From there, we go from the God of the deep sea to the God of the deep underbelly of the world. Hades (sporting yet another Clancy Brown performance) eagerly awaits to cross Kratos over to the land of the dead, and this time, make it permanent. Turns out this harbinger of death has his own scores to settle with The Ghost of Sparta.

Kratos later confronts his half brother Hercules in a battle that is guaranteed to make your once pleasant childhood Disney memories weep (along with any of you dorks who watched that campy TV series).

Then of course there’s Cronos. Yeah, remember that titan that had an entire temple he was carrying on his back? That temple that we spent the good part of half the first game inside of looking for Pandora’s Box. Yeah, turns out you actually FIGHT that guy in the third game. I know, right?

These are among the best boss battles the God of War series has to offer. And among these, it is interesting to note that all of them occur either very early or in the middle of the game, not at the end like all the other bosses I mentioned above. That may be because, quite frankly, Zeus, in comparison to these guys, was quite a letdown, and one of the big reasons my former editor Chris Pranger would in turn be so disappointed with the game. These guys set the bar to record breaking limits, and Zeus, the final battle did not rise to them.

Still, by their own merits, these bosses have done their job of providing some truly satisfying moments holding a Play Station controller. Props should also be awarded to God of War’s lead artist Andy Park for creating such beautiful artwork to capture these triumphant moments of Kratos’ rampage so perfectly. Seriously, you could frame those images and put them on display in a Museum dedicated to Greek Mythology. That’s how good they are.

Several years ago when I was a lad, during their own Boss Appreciation Week, X-Play host Morgan Webb taught me a valuable lesson. She said, “A castle unguarded, isn’t a castle worth taking.” I cannot think of a better anecdote to better portray just how valuable a good boss battle can be to a game. Thank you all for tuning in to this commemoration of fantastic Sony exclusive bosses. Now get out there and take a bow for your favorite boss fight…

…before promptly piercing his eye through the mast of a ship.

Pinball heartache

Pinball machines are great. They’re big, they’re loud, they’re bright and they are a lot of fun to play…and even harder to be good at. If I had to pick between a pinball machine and a video game to be stuck with on a desert island, I’d pick a pinball machine. Too bad you’d be hard pressed to find any working pinball machine these days. You might find one tucked into the corner at Dave & Buster’s but even then the chances of it working seem to be slim. Pinball machines are a pain to maintain and expensive, so I can understand why they’ve faded away along with the arcades at large. So what does one do when they want to play some pinball? Seems funny that the only good option is video games. Pinball has a long history in video games. I owned the original Pinball on the NES…and it was horrible game. That little 8-bit machine just couldn’t create a remotely decent pinball experience, although it tried. Thankfully we’ve come quite far since then and now we have some great options for playing pinball at home.

Pinball FX has some of the best, most polished tables

Pinball FX is king

The best pinball game out there right now is Pinball FX 2 on the Xbox 360 Arcade. The base download is $10 which gets you four basic tables, but where Pinball FX has exceeded all expectations is with DLC. There are 28 original tables you can download and each of them is a wonderful world of pinball fun. And because each table is original and not trying to recreate something that already exists, you’ll find a lot of great parts about each table. Sure, you have your spinners and bumpers and stuff you’d expect to find, but Pinball FX ramps things up by adding a lot of exaggerated play, more moving parts and mini-games. If the best part about pinball is bells and whistles, then Pinball FX is the king. It’s hard to find any faults in Pinball FX. It’s a great game that performs as well in presentation as it does in gameplay. But what do you do if you’re looking for “real” pinball?

Only in Pinball FX will you find Captain America fighting Red Skull

Well, unless you have a time machine at home, the best you can do to having real pinball machines in your home is buying one of the few pinball video games that have gone to great lengths to recreate the classic tables you remember. A new Xbox 360 Arcade title was recently released, and it does just that.

The Pinball Arcade, a pinball time warp

The Pinball Arcade works just like Pinball FX but is a little less flashy and a little more real. Whereas Pinball FX has created brand new tables that sing and dance, The Pinball Arcade promises to recreate some of the most memorable pinball tables from the past. The physics aren’t a jacked up in Pinball Arcade as they are in Pinball FX and you won’t find any licensed Marvel Comics tables. It’s a more subdued video pinball experience that targets a different audience.

The tables in Pinball Arcade aren't as fancy but they're real. Black Hole is great.

I’ve read some people writing about how Pinball Arcade won’t dethrone Pinball FX and that it will die on the vine. I’m going to say that Pinball Arcade isn’t really competing with Pinball FX because they are two totally different experiences. Yes, they’re both pinball simulators and all pinball games share common mechanics, but I don’t think Pinball Arcade is looking for new gamers, they’re looking for old(er) gamers. They’re trying to sell to the people (like me) that remember real pinball games. Pinball Arcade is banking nostalgia. Pinball FX has to rely on creative, energetic table designs…and it does a damn good job.

The tables you get in the base Pinball Arcade are something to be desired, none of them do I remember seeing or playing when I was younger. This was a bummer as I would think if you wanted to make a splash with your new pinball game that you would include some of the more popular tables that existed, like Pinbot or Addam’s Family. However, Pinball Arcade will also rely heavily on DLC so we can only hope that they’ll be releasing new tables on a somewhat regular basis. The only table that really sparked my interest in the base download was Black Hole, which has an interesting smaller table within the larger table…kind of cool. Pinball Arcade plays a little slower and is a lot less flashy than Pinball FX. Pinball Arcade makes you feel like you’re back in the corner of the arcade, whereas Pinball FX makes you feel like you’re at a rock concert. Personally, I prefer the rock concert but it’s hard not to have fun playing and thinking about these tables that really existed.

The only way I can still play my favorite Pinbot table

More pinball options

The Pinball Arcade is a new addition to the world of video game pinball, but you don’t want to wait for it to offer the more popular tables as DLC, you can search around for an older title that does, Pinball Hall of Fame. This release includes several of the most popular tables from Williams including my beloved Pinbot and Funhouse. You can probably find this used for pretty cheap. I have it and can certainly vouch for its awesomeness. If you’re an old pinball fan then you shouldn’t be without it in your collection…it might be as close as you’re gonna get to these wonderful tables.

Pinball FX will always be more popular because it’s flashier and plays a lot faster. If you take someone that has never played pinball before (and I know a few of these people) and ask them to play each title, they’re enjoy Pinball FX more than Pinball Arcade. How can real world tables compete with tables that bend the laws of physics? Pinball FX is a true video game. Pinball Arcade is offering a look into the past, which if nothing else, is good to play and see so you can appreciate Pinball FX even more. If you’re a pinball fan, then you’ll buy all of these titles like I did. I just want pinball action, I don’t really care how it comes, although I do enjoy remembering my days of playing them in the arcades.

Home page image credit

I started at Toy-TMA back in July of 2009 almost by accident. It all came about as a necessity to find professional work in a writing capacity since I discovered that I’d need at least 1-2 years of creative writing experience to even be considered for a job at Nintendo of America. I began searching online for whatever came my way, and in a short amount of time I found a handful of odd things. I did a few months as an intern writer for a game called American Dream 101. I spent another few months writing the rough script for a PC game meant to teach about wrongful accusations in a court of law. And of course I kept writing for myself when I found the time between school and boredom. But it was Toy-TMA that I ended up falling in love with, all because it was the most freeing.

When I began as a simple contributor, the site was relatively small, even by comparison to what it is now. I would get instructions to write simple 350-word articles on random topics, usually totaling 1000 words for a week’s worth of posts. At the time my boss, Ryan, would request specific reviews of games or retrospectives on toys and that would be that. But I’m a writer, and when you give a writer an opening to let loose, you must be prepared for the consequences. I took it upon myself to write up a short review of Dragonball: Evolution completely out of the blue and send it to him, saying that he could either run it or not but it was a bonus for the week. He ran it and from there I began picking and choosing my own articles a lot more.

My memory is hazy on the progression of things, but eventually the only other contributor, Chris Whitmore, finally parted ways, leaving me as the sole writer left. Given the task, I began updating as regularly as possible, frequently updating the site with five new articles a week. Looking back, I can’t understand how I managed to pull that off, but eventually Ryan left as my editor and put me in charge to run the ship, er, site.

I think Gus would prefer I insert a One Piece reference right about here.

From there I plodded along by myself until Gus popped in and started helping with simple guest contributions. I don’t remember if I asked him first or he just began sending me articles, but I wasn’t about to say no to something like a free day when I was usually so busy with weekly writing. After what I feel must have been half a year, I talked to my superiors about bringing Gus on as a full writer and from then we were two peas in a rather heated pod, he a stringent Sony supporter and me a Nintendo loyalist. And because of that I felt we balanced ourselves so very well.

Back when I first took over as the lead writer, I was asked to include a guest submission from Brian, who you may notice is our other weekly contributor. When it came time to seek another full-time writer, I turned to him and asked him to come on, being envious of his very clean and focused writing style. I can write on for five single-spaced pages about utter nonsense, but Brian is able to condense his entire thought into roughly one, and at the end you always want to hear more. That’s just brilliant work there.

Since I’ve been in charge, I’ve had my wife Sharayah do a few guest posts here and there, mostly when I needed to take a break for a week, and for a month or two one of my best friends, Kyle Martinak, was also contributing. There was also a stretch of a few months where Cassandra Poe was giving us truly inspired work on topics I never would have dreamed to look into. Kyle and I started doing a podcast, and then quickly stopped (and later did another and now host our third podcast over at The Escapist). We’ve started numerous features, from the Comic Book Club to Authentically Awesome Anime, my personal love Let’s Think Deep and the oft-flame-inducing Bad Games That Should Have Been Great.

Sometimes the feeling of disappointment is unanimous though.

Basically what I’m trying to say is, I’m proud to say that since I started I was able to take Toy-TMA from just a simple toy blog bought from another company (hence the name “Toy-TMA, which means like Toy Manufacturers of America or something), and make it Too Much Awesome. We had weekly numbers that were something to be envious of, and our Alexa ranking was unbelievable. Showing evidence of my editor position here even got me my current job as an SEO Specialist at a local company.

But now I’m ready to finally move on. Part of it is just feeling like it’s time as there’s not much more I can do here. I’ve written on so many topics that it’s hard to keep track. I’ve stood by and watched as some of the simplest articles such as the Final Fantasy VII April Fool’s article or the Best/Worst Pokemon lists ended up pulling in hundreds of comments, no small feat for a blog as little as ours. My Dragon Ball Z plothole articles also have comments in the hundreds, some positive and some negative, but standing as an example of people interacting with us. That’s an amazing feeling.

Half a year ago Google changed their algorithm, and for the majority of people this didn’t seem to mean anything whatsoever. But to anyone hosting a website, particularly one where the majority of their traffic came from Google searches, this was devastating. No matter how hard we’ve tried, we couldn’t bounce back. We even had a database hack quite a while ago that didn’t do any damage save for making Facebook believe we’re unsafe, meaning we lost the ability to post anything from our site there, even to friends. In no simple words, seeing how greatly this affected our site has been depressing at best and infuriating at worst.

In short, Google's actions were Waluigi.

However, this is not my main reason for parting ways. I’ve been focusing more on my weekly series over at The Escapist called No Right Answer, as well as the bi-monthly podcast Media Sandwich. Also, as only a sitcom life could play out, this Monday I got a call about a job interview with Nintendo of America not half a week after last week’s Why I Still Want To Work At Nintendo article. It’s only an interview, but it’s still a sign that I’m now ready to actively pursue a career in writing rather than a hobby.

While I’m leaving, I know that Brian is going to stay here every week, which is no small task as he is now a proud new father. Gus is also staying around until his 100^th article, coming up in roughly two months. I greatly anticipate what he has in store for us. But me, I’m ready to step down. I can’t say enough how much I’ll miss the site as it gave me a place to rant on a weekly basis about utter nonsense in a forum other than Facebook or Blogspot. I’m proud of the writers and I’m proud of my work.

May we meet again in some other life. Until then, so long and thanks for all the fish.

And yet there is one parallel in the gaming universe that has always puzzled me, mostly because I can never tell whether it was intentional or coincidental. Being a hybrid Nintendo/Sony fan, this pairing actually came to me quite early in my gaming career. I have always wanted to wait until the perfect moment so I could address this topic at my intellectual best, but as of now, it has set on the backburner of my mind for so long that I simply feel like winging it. Therefore, today’s Let’s Think Deep is about Link from the Legend of Zelda Series and Jak from the Jak and Daxter series: Two video game characters that are similar, but different.

This will be the first time I have physically placed these two characters back to back with one another, and simply looking at their design, the writing is on the wall. Both characters are young males roughly 16-18 years of age. Both have blonde hair and blue eyes. Both have long elf-like ears. Both of their attires include fingerless gloves, boots, skirts, and over-the-shoulder belts where they place their respective weapon of choice.

But those are simply visual comparisons. How do they stack up plot-wise? Well, both Link and Jak (whose real name is Mar) are descendants of legendary heroes, of which they are so named after. Both explore vast open worlds with people always asking them to perform fetch quests. Both are granted magic powers from lost deities they find hidden in temples, shrines, and underground caves. Both travel through time. Both battle hoards upon hoards of monster-like minions that are simply smaller lesser versions of what the final boss turns out to be. (Bokoblins are to Ganon as Metalheads are to Kor.)

That’s a lot of coincidences. Of course it’s easy for anyone to notice all these parallels between two games and jump to the conclusion that one ripped off the other, and seeing as in this case Link predates Jak, the accusation would fall to Naughtydog. Now I know I’ve gone on record saying Naughtydog is my all time favorite video game company ever, so you all might just have to take this with a grain of salt and trust that I’m being honest and not bias here, but I seriously do not believe that was Naughtydog’s intention. Jak creators Jason Rubin and Andy Gavin have always put gameplay first in all of their projects, and the first Jak and Daxter, more than anything, was trying to be like Super Mario 64, Banjo Kazooie, and other golden age platformers. The second and third Jak games played more like a sci fi/fantasy version of GTA. Those gameplay mechanics, mixed with the mythos and design parallels to Zelda, was what truly made the whole experience unique. That said, let’s look further in detail at how some of these parallels differ.

Another parallel I have yet to mention was that in the first Jak and Daxter game, Jak was a silent protagonist just like Link. He was a strong silent void who let his mentor, love interest, nemesis, neighbors, and support partner do all the talking, just like Link. Yet despite not having a single line of dialogue, the developers still went through the trouble of hiring him a voice actor to give him plenty of grunting and shouting to do throughout his battles, again, just like Link.

But here’s the big difference. In The Legend of Zelda series, they give the players the choice to exchange Link’s name with their own. The idea was that the player is inserting themselves and their own persona into the main protagonist. So how you react and what you say while playing the Zelda game is supposedly what Link is doing, but you have to use your imagination a bit. While Jak was a silent protagonist, he was already given enough of a name and persona that the game didn’t really adhere toward any player injection. Plus, when Jak and Daxter added the additional element of actual voices for every other member of the cast, the element of Jak remaining silent felt and sounded all the more distracting and out-of-place then when you’re just reading speech bubbles in a Zelda game.

Therefore, Naughtydog remedied that by giving Jak a voice in the sequels and had him regularly converse and interact with the rest of the cast. That was the point where Jak came around to be a fully realized character with his own motives, inner demons, and personality quirks. Jak is by no means a deep character. His personality is very rudimentary. That said, the amount of risk Naughtydog took with him in jumping from just the first to second game alone was more character development than Link has experienced in twenty years. Of course, we all know the real reason for this. At this point in Link’s career, any attempt by Nintendo to give him a voice or any further depth or personality would result in more pissed off fan boys than it’s worth. Especially considering not two years ago, another Nintendo franchise utterly failed in attempting to do just that, and don’t act like you don’t know who I’m talking about.

Now, we must discuss Link and Jak’s differences that are subjective to their native origins. Link was created in Nintendo of Japan, Jak in Sony Computer Entertainment America, so right away this is set to be another debate between eastern and western sensibilities in games. On one side you’ve got Link, whose traditional quest-based fantasy garb, armed with a legendary sword, is highly represented in many RPG’s, which are dominant eastern style games. On the other side you’ve got Jak, an underground rebel in a futuristic background, armed with a morph gun, which sounds all too much like the product of an FPS dominant western gaming culture. Neither of these games are an RPG or an FPS, but they carry with them elements that would go on to inspire many games of those genres in their respective countries.

To turn back to their appearance, while it is clear Link and Jak have very similar design choice, they are still extremely distinguishable from one another. This can also be tracked back to their eastern/western origins. Japanese games have a history of crafting their young male protagonist to be extremely refine and delicate. Their muscles are rarely exaggerated, and they are usually given the big anime eyes. Link is a perfect example of this. He is an extremely feminine looking man. Don’t believe me?

This isn’t bad by any means. Far from it. If Link’s design makes him versatile enough to inspire more attractive cosplayers, I’m not complaining. It’s just how Eastern game design likes to portray their teenage males. For other examples of feminine looking men from eastern games, there’s Leon Kennedy from RE4, and dare I say look no further than every male lead of every most recent Final Fantasy title.

Jak, on the other hand, could not be more opposite. Despite having the flowy blond hair and big blue anime eyes, he still comes off as unmistakably masculine thanks to his unrefined posture, tan complexion, defined muscle structure, and of course the goatee, which sells the whole package. Most western game developers love to have their men look… well, like men, and Jak was no exception.

So, while Jak and Link have some clear differences between the two, their differences are similar in that they both stem from the characters being a product of the cultures they were founded in.

And yet, neither of these characters or their games are strictly void of outside influence. Zelda’s medieval backdrop, and the whole sword-in-the-stone routine is very western, Anglo Saxon influenced. Jak’s talking animal sidekick, and alternate Super Saiyan-like forms are very eastern, Shonen elements of story telling.

Confused yet? How about how everything seems to be done in threes in both character’s adventures? Three sacred stones that reveal the secrets of the Temple of Time. Three precursor artifacts in the Forest Haven that together reveal the Tomb of Mar. Three dominant races living outside of Hyrule castles walls (Kokiri, Gorons, and Zoras). Three factions fighting for control of Haven city (KG, Metalheads, and Darkmakers). Three sides of the Triforce, all representing one of Hyrule’s three female deities. And of course, Jak’s three dominant female characters, each taking on the personality of one of the three Powerpuff Girls. (Kera, the nerd/Blossom. Tess, the ditz/Bubbles. Ashlen, the bad girl/Buttercup.)

Well, this was fun. Upon reflection, combining two of my favorite video game franchises in a single discussion topic may not have been the most intelligent move on my behalf, judging by how much I derailed back there. But as usual I have my reasons. For years now, Nintendo and Sony have constantly been at odds with one another, and for the longest time I felt it was a shame for them to indirectly spur so many wars among their followers. Sometimes, things we think are so different are really one in the same. Together Nintendo and Sony have created a slew of colorful licensed characters, and Link and Jak aren’t the only ones with obvious parallels. Fox McCloud and Ratchet may be even more so. Sackboy and Kirby (especially from Epic Yarn) are another example.

One of the reasons Naughtydog is my favorite game developer of all time is because they have such a strong established relationship with fellow developers Insomniac and Suckerpunch. While they do see each other as rivals, they are encouraging and willing to acknowledge one-another’s strengths so they can all bring out the best in each other. This is the kind of bond I wish Nintendo and Sony could learn to develop as well. If they did, Sony wouldn’t have to keep lying through their teeth that the PS Move was NOT directly inspired by the Wii, and Nintendo wouldn’t have to keep cutting corners in trying to explain their late arrival to HD and online services.

You guys are copying each other. It’s okay. We know it’s part of the business. Just be upfront about it, and you could prevent so many flame wars.

What you see is the adorable childhood toy My Little Pony: bright, cheerful looking ponies which were stylized enough to be fun (pretty designs on the flank, brightly colored mane and tail) but also still looked like, you know, horses. But at some point some executives decided that this made too much sense. I like to picture the meeting as having gone something like this:

Executive 1: Taking a sip of a latte and wiping his mouth with a hundred-dollar bill. “Gentlemen… we need to redesign the My Little Pony for a new generation.”

Executive 2: “I’m thinking we enlarge the eyes to the size of ostrich eggs, shorten the nose until it’s virtually nonexistent, and lengthen the ears until it resembles a frightened nocturnal marsupial.”

Executive 1: “Get this man a raise!”

Now please drag your eyes reluctantly down to Exhibit B:

What is this towheaded abomination? Why are the ears so big? Were the colorful little ponies not cute enough before? This is no longer cute; it’s weird. There is nothing remotely equine about the shape of this toy! If it could make any noise at all with its pink vinyl throat it would be crying in agony for someone to put it out of its misery. I would. With fire. It’s entered into some kind of pseudo-Uncanny Valley by crossing the line from “just cute enough” to “WAY too cute.” If the original My Little Pony is a Barbie, the new version is a Bratz doll. And no self-respecting parent would let their little kid play with a Bratz doll.

And of course… along with the new toy line came the new show- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Unless your head has been planted firmly beneath a rock, you are aware of the Internet phenomenon spawned by this new show.

Here is the original show:

Magic. Just magic. And charming and beautiful I WANT A PONY OF MY OWN.

And the new show:

I…I do not want one of these. I haven’t brought myself to watch the show yet (although you can bet your curly purple mane I will), but I am imagining that their voices lean less towards “majestic” and more towards “helium.” Please ponies, prove me wrong. I am extremely curious about the new show because it inexplicably has an enormous male fan base (yes, you read that right). As you may have picked up on a teensy-weensy bit, I fear that my opinion will be tainted by my nostalgic adoration for the original show.

I am not going to trash the show itself yet, but again I ask: why the redesign? At the very least, Hasbro, could you not also continue the original line of Ponies, or resurrect them in some way that will also satisfy the original fans? Because I’m telling you right now, if you did, I would buy them. For my future daughter, of course. Ahem.

The only thing Hasbro still sells that looks like the original is this Decorate Your Own Pony toy, which I admit I would kill for. THE POSSIBILITIES.

These? Well… I can make no such promises. This is not a My Little Pony; this is a My Little Bush Baby.

That's about the only face I know how to make anymore to explain myself.

Just a few weeks ago I wrote up an article about why Remedy Entertainment is currently my favorite game company, with the reasons being that I liked the games they made, their business practice, and the fact that they send emails letting you know when you don’t get hired to jobs you’ve applied for. I had one person on Twitter call me out about that last part, pointing out the ridiculousness of saying I like a company because they wouldn’t hire me. It’s not as simple as that, but it does certainly sound silly upon later reading it, though the core is still there. Fact of the matter is I’ve been trying to get my one favorite company to notice me for so long that I’m about ready to take any form of contact as saintly kindness.

I went to school at the University of Oregon to get a Bachelors of Arts in English. It’s hanging over my desk, mocking me with the unbelievable debt I find myself in as a result. But, as everyone in my life kept reassuring me, once I had that degree, doors would open and a career would be mine. I’ve been out of college now for two years and no doors have opened, at least not the way they were described. My wife and I make enough to live off of, but we’re utterly stuck in our current status. We cannot afford to buy a house. We cannot afford to buy a car. We cannot afford to start a family. We’re pretty much one bad month away from losing everything, and that terrifies me. Naturally, what makes that worse is the framed piece of paper, winking at me with that Oregon O, reminding me that I will be paying over $800 a month every month to pay off my student loans for at least the next 20 years. You can do an awful lot with $800 in a month.

The point here is that going to college has thus far been worthless to me, and actually the biggest mistake of my life. Except for the fact that I have to have that piece of paper to qualify for a Localization Writer/Editor job at Nintendo of America. I went to college and focused on English for no other reason than to eventually get that one single job. So you may understand why, after applying again and again for the past six or more years, that when I’m not even getting a stock “this position is no longer open” email back, it can weigh pretty heavily on a man’s mind.

If they just sent a picture like this with the words "our princess" replaced by "your job," I'd be happy.

Initially, the obvious reason behind the rejection was just a simple matter of not meeting the requirements. I was applying back before I was even really in college, so naturally I’d be told flat-out no. That never stopped me from applying while attending school, but then I ran into another requirement I didn’t have: Experience. I met all other requirements save for the 1-2 years of creative writing experience, which of course only counts paid gigs. I’ve been writing for my own personal projects for over a decade, but that doesn’t count. Asking around at the University of Oregon’s career center only further crushed me as they were absolutely unwilling to help me with my goal of writing for Nintendo, essentially just wringing their hands and saying that they didn’t even know where to look, and I would have been fine with that if I hadn’t paid part of my tuition toward keeping them employed to help me get work.

This brings us full-circle as my first real big writing gig happened to be here on Toy-TMA. I started three years ago as just a contributor along with a handful of others, sending in 350-word articles on whatever I was asked to. Eventually I was the only writer left and when my boss, Ryan, moved on to other projects, I took over as Head Writer/Editor of Toy-TMA. Combine that work with a handful of internships, a year at Tomopop, and now nearly a year at The Escapist, and I more than meet the requirements. Now the only problem is, with the way things have been going, even though I have probably close to five years of creative writing experience to point to, there’s always going to be a recently laid-off writer with 15 years floating around Seattle, fresh out of work from another big game studio. I’m in a position where I don’t have seniority, but I also don’t have “fresh-out-of-college-and-ready-to-learn” to work off of. I am completely and utterly stuck.

But then why would I continually go through the process of applying, waiting, and then seeing that the positions have been removed over and over and over again? It’s because ever since I was a kid, Nintendo has always been something vital to me. It’s the classic tale of always needing a friend and finding comfort in my NES. No matter what, I was always able to turn to Mario to have my back, or Link to guarantee a good time, or any number of Nintendo characters to help fill a void.

I love you too guys.

I decided very early on that no matter what, I really wanted to some day have a connection to Nintendo somehow. I played with other career ideas, like veterinarian, stand-up comic, and computer programmer, but ultimately I confirmed that I was best when I was writing and editing, and so I saw this Localization job and felt it was the closest to actually creating Nintendo games as a non-Japanese person can get.

Nintendo is everything to me. I can’t help but get excited about every new title they have coming out, even ones that I shouldn’t be. I’m stoked for Mario Tennis Open, even though it’s just a tennis game for the 3DS. I am radically psyched for the Wii U’s lineup reveal during this year’s E3, especially now that they’ve confirmed a new Pikmin title and something that’s currently being called Super Mario 4. How can I not be excited for that? My favorite game console is the GameCube, a system no one seemed to like. I live and breathe this stuff. I don’t know how to do anything else at this point.

So that brings us to this very second. I sit, and wait, and hope, and I know that unless I can find a connection with someone at the actual company, I’m just going to be sitting and waiting and hoping a lot longer. Still, it’s similar to what Butters said from a classic South Park episode. He was talking about how great it is to feel miserable after getting dumped because it means that he must have gone through something wonderful to feel so bad now. That’s how I feel with Nintendo. I only get so angry about the lack of contact because I love the company so damn much. Obsessive isn’t even the right word for it. I simply don’t know any other way to be.

In all seriousness, I am here today to congratulate everyone who took part. Too-Much-Avatar turned out to be quite a success, with some of the best numbers we’ve had in weeks. Thanks to everyone who commented and read our post and thanks especially to my fellow writers.

Roughly 3 weeks ago, Brian Vaughn had never watched an episode of Avatar. While Brian and I may not be the most familiar of cohorts, as everything is posted online, for him to be such a good sport and to give the show a crash course and a very fair perspective of a newcomer completely on a whim of my wanting to do an all Avatar themed week, that meant a lot to me. So thank you Brian for that. It’s always a pleasure to hear genuine opinions of the newest viewers.

Chris Pranger and I on the other hand, I’m starting to realize we may be getting too familiar and comfortable with one another. As some of you may have witnessed in the comment section of Mr. Pranger’s pro anime article, I may have let my anger get out of control and ended up going into my own personal Avatar State on him. I would like to make it clear, I have absolutely no personal qualms against Mr. Pranger. He is my colleague, my Editor-in-Chief, and a personal friend. While we may have had some spats in the past, we’ve always meant it in good fun. This time, I did go overboard, and I publicly apologize for that. At the end of the day, Chris and I are like Son Goku and Monkey D. Luffy: sure we can fantasize about having huge climactic fiery showdowns all we want, but in reality, we are far more in common than we ever will be at odds.

And of course, thanks again to our readers and benefactors. As a treat to all you Avatar fans out there for your support, I created a little something. I know those good/evil alignment charts have become somewhat popular online recently, so I created my own with exclusively all Avatar characters.

Avatar The Last Airbender did an excellent job of creating a unique diverse cast of characters whom all had their own individual morals and motives, and they have touched all bases not only once, but several occasions. For instance. I was actually able to make two Avatar Alignment Charts. One for some of the more prominent male characters, and another for the show’s extensive cast of strong female characters.

Some of you may disagree with a few of my placements, but to save time, I won’t go into detail on all 18 characters here and now. Anyone wishing to question any one specific placement may simply leave a comment, and I will respond with my explanation.

In addition, to comment on some more juicy Avatar developments, Youtube sensation Kornersphere, famous for his Avatar The Last Puppetbender Shorts, has now returned after nearly two years of hiatus with a brand new video:

With this comes the promise of more in the coming Summer, including the long awaited Part 2 of the Where Are They Now story (which he claims will not take another two years to complete.)

And lastly, The releases of The Promise Part 2 is set for May 30th. While it may not have lived up to Chris and I’s expectations, we are still holding hope that this will merely be a sophomore slump, and that author Gene Luen Yang can get back in the game in the third round this September, and ultimately give us a climax that can live up to Gurihiru’s spectacular artwork.

We have some fun stuff to look forward to, starting off with nothing short of new Legend of Korra episodes each week for at least the next few months. We’ll be taking some time to wait for more developments, but for now, I officially conclude Toy-TMA’s nonstop Avatar run.

Next week, something else. I promise.

Book 1 Chapter 13: The Blue Spirit

I have already talked quite a bit about this episode on Monday in my Top 5 Darkest Episode List, so I’ll do my best not to repeat myself. When creators Mike and Bryan first got the go to pursue Avatar, their first contract was for 13 episodes. So, in the event that the show bombed and was going to be canceled early, they made a note to make their 13th episode climactic and thrilling enough that it could theoretically serve as a finale under the worst-case scenario. The result was The Blue Spirit, and it did not disappoint.

We already know in general why I considered this episode to be on the darker side of the Avatar series, so let’s discuss a few more assets of this episode in detail. For starters, I was really drawn to the music cues they used to highlight the Blue Spirit character. They were ominous, captivating, and fit the visual aesthetic of both the character and the scenery of the Fire Nation fortress perfectly.

The Blue Spirit himself is one of the most visually striking characters we have met thus far, with his intricate mask design, tight lips, and sharp precise movements in every action he takes. In the season one finale, when we take a glimpse at one of Koh’s several faces in his collection, it is revealed to us that the Blue Spirit is in fact based on an actual being that exists (or did exist before Koh stole its face) in the spirit world. Thus why the Fire Nation has to put a disclaimer on his wanted poster that reads, “Please disregard the rumors that he is a ghost.” (This information was gathered from the Avatar Art Book).

Mix in a thrilling race toward freedom with the Avatar and the Blue Spirit working surprisingly well together, displaying some of the craziest acrobatics we’ll see until The Boiling Rock, finishing off with a tender moment of Aang’s first attempt to reach out to Zuko as a friend, with Iroh’s beautiful Tsungi Horn solo playing in the background, and you got an episode for the history books. I truly believe that Aang and Zuko’s bond is the most intriguing relationship in the whole series. Any time they are on screen together, you can cut the tension with a broadsword. This episode played a strong role in building up just how complicated things are between them. While it does end on quite a somber note, with Aang’s offer for friendship instantly shot down, there is a small hint of hope left that perhaps this bond will someday bare fruit. Someday… eventually… in only 40 more episodes.

Hey, that’s still shorter than most Shonen Anime fight sequences.

Book 2 Chapter 13: The Drill

One of Avatar’s most unique visual traits was their choice to render all the Fire Nation machines, the ships, tanks, etc., in digital form. While this aesthetic choice received varied opinions among viewers, I was into it. It made the Fire Nation’s superior lead into the Industrial Revolution seem all the more outlandish and intimidating to their opponents. In what was their crowning jewel of stolen technology (off the desks of everyone’s favorite Mechanist from the Northern Air Temple), we have one huge ass drill, slowly in pursuit of the Earth Kingdom Capital’s supposed impenetrable wall. What follows is 23 minutes of Aang’s skills, Sokka’s brain, and Katara’s waning patience with Sokka’s mouth, versus their biggest opponent yet.

Everything about this episode was so fun for me. The construction of the drill was brilliant, and we got to see it from so many angles. The engine room, the outer shell, the pipeline, were all so well designed. I loved seeing inside the command center and how a dozen pilots controlled the machine with Ozai’s Angels watching over it all on this throne for three. Then War Minister Ching comes in and is like, “This Drill is the Fire Nations’ greatest weapon of all time. The Earth Kingdom is ours. Nothing can stop us. Mua ha ha ha!” It had such a retro villainy vibe to it, like something out of my childhood. Think Technodrome from Ninja Turtles. Think Serpentera from Power Rangers. Whatever you do, think of something, and fast.

And think of something they do. Sokka’s brilliance finally pays off as he quickly dispatches a plan to take the gigantic freaking death machine down. Of course said plan does not involve anything he can do, so we get to hysterically watch as he goads, badgers, and cheerleads in the background as his fellow benders have to manually saw through each and every metal brace in the outer shell.

But in the end, it is up to the Avatar to deliver the final blow, but not before a certain Princess everyone loves to hate catches on to what he’s doing and confronts him on the top of the drill for one of the most gripping one-on-on fights ever. Watching Aang implement every bending discipline he has learned thus far in this battle, while Azula just keeps on coming with one badass firebending attack after another, ultimately coming to a close as the Avatar Theme music begins playing as he runs down the 600 foot wall of Ba-Sing-Se to put the nail in the coffin.

I have rewound and watched this scene about a thousand times on my TiVo, and then a thousand more times in slow-mo. This is the one and only time we get to see the baddest of the bad girls go blasting off, Team Rocket Style, in a blaze of humiliated glory, and I treasure every moment of it. The only thing better than the epic ‘splosion of slurry that preceded this final blow was Mai’s blunt uninvested declaration:

“We lost.”

And just to put the cherry on everything, The Drill was also the point when Sokka coined the term Team Avatar, and despite what Katara would have you believe, it totally caught on.

Book 3 Chapter 13: The Firebending Masters

In The Drill, we got to see Aang combine the use of three bending disciplines in one of his greatest battles ever. In the last of my top three episodes, it is all about him and his new teacher developing his fourth and final bending discipline. The Firebending Masters takes place exactly 40 episodes after The Blue Spirit, and wouldn’t you know it, it revolves around the Fire Prince and the Avatar going on yet another adventure together, just the two of them. How’s that for a happy coincidence?

This episode could not have come any sooner. The bromance on display here will play your heartstrings like a violin. After being at odds for so long, Aang and Zuko are just so endearing and loveable working as friends and colleagues. This is the exact thing fans have been craving for since they became fans, and lo and behold the creators gave us exactly what we wanted.

I would be a fool not to mention how Aang and Zuko’s journey first begins when it is Toph of all people who teaches them that sometimes, the best way to learn something is to start at the very beginning. She does this by sharing the story of how she learned earthbending from Badgermoles, the world’s very first earthbenders, and the coolest animals in the Avatar world. While Toph is my personal favorite character, she is still easily the least developed member of the main group and is given the shortest screen time. That said, I truly believe she is the strongest and most knowledgeable as far as bending goes, and it was very much welcomed to see her be the one that indirectly sets our duo on the right path on their journey to learn the origin of Firebending.

What follows is what could only be described as Nerd Porn. In a quest across the Ancient Ruins of the Sun Warrior civilization, Zukaang confront a cornucopia of classical fantasy tropes, including Indiana Jones-style traps, door puzzles by nature of Legend of Zelda, and even new firebending forms that pay homage too that one show Chris loves so much.

If Book 3 of Avatar had one recurring theme that carried on through the whole season, it was introducing us to the people of the Fire Nation. Before Book 3, over 90% of the people from the Fire Nation we ran into were all soldiers in full body armor with intimidating helmets and skull masks, all ruthlessly carrying out the will of their Fire Lord. Book 3 opened by giving us a good glimpse of normal Fire Nation citizens, showing us that in many ways, they weren’t all too different from the commoners in the Earth Kingdom. The Firebending Masters expands on this theme by introducing the Sun Warriors, a whole new clan of firebending citizens seeking to preserve their nation’s origins.

The Sun Warriors were such a refreshing take on firebenders, and I loved the native, Aztecan/Mayan inspired design of their culture. The Sun Chief in particular was fun, and tops my list of Avatar characters I wish I could have seen more of.

All this builds up to a climax that is built more on Zuko and Aang facing their fears and impending judgment for their past tribulations, as opposed to a conventional battle. As they walk the steps up the mountain to confront the masters, I immediately recognize the Sun Warrior’s chant as the music from the show’s ending credits. I was overjoyed to see/hear this tune I have come to love so much finally used in actual context.

And then… they come out.

If there are any two creatures even more cool than badgermoles, it is the Firebending Masters themselves, Ran and Shao. The scene of them circling the bridge in their own synchronized dance is still one of the most beautiful sequences I have ever witnessed in the history of animation. Period. In addition, it served as an amazing call back to the Ocean and Moon spirits Tui and La from the Book One finale and how they circled each other in a similar fashion.

Lovable chemistry. Gorgeous scenery. Majestic creatures that breathe energy and life onto the screen. Perfection.

So there you have it. My three favorite Episodes of Avatar the Last Airbender. Interestingly enough, each episode is the 13th chapter of each season, and today also happens to be the 13th of April. Before any of you get any ideas, I swear to Roku I did not plan this. Okay, maybe I did a little, but I genuinely believe these three episodes to be the best, and it just so happened that the last day of Too-Much-Avatar Week conveniently fell on Friday the 13th.

Of course, this is all my own personal taste. For those of you who have your own favorites that differ from mine, your reasons for liking those are no less valid. Feel free to share your own favorite Avatar episodes in the comments below. Thank you for joining us for Too-Much-Avatar week, and we hope you all tune in for the premiere of The Legend of Korra tomorrow morning at 11AM!

Images courtesy of Avatarspiritmedia.net. Come by and chat us up sometime.

I was most certainly aware of Avatar, The Last Airbender before I got this assignment but I had never watched an episode. From what little I had seen, I knew it was about a bald kid that knew kung fu and had some sort of magical power…like if Charlie Brown had a skill besides feeling sorry for himself. Despite my lifelong love of cartoons, I’m going to play the “I’m old” card for why I never sat down and watched Avatar. The show came out in 2005 when I was busy getting a house, getting married, and otherwise trying to figure out what an adult is really supposed to do, so time to explore new cartoons was limited. It also doesn’t help that Avatar was on Nicktoons, a channel I don’t really frequent because it has disappointed me in the past. So that’s my excuse for why I’m not an Avatar fanboy, but now that I’ve started to remedy that problem, here’s what I’ve learned about Avatar.

I have nothing against it, I just missed the age cut-off.

It’s not anime but it is

While reading about Avatar and how it came to be, I was surprised to find it is not a rehash, port, or otherwise conversion of some existing anime cartoon. Avatar is original and American, so thus, technically, not anime…but yet it is. As was brought up already during this International Love Avatar Week, everyone thinks Avatar is anime already, and perception is reality. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck. Avatar looks like anime and sounds like anime, so it is. But unlike some, I don’t think being anime is a bad thing. I don’t have any problem with anime. If there’s anything negative about it, it’s that the series’ creators might not get the props they deserve because people just assume it’s foreign and dubbed.

I can certainly enjoy a flying buffalo as much as the next manchild.

The flying buffalo is cool, the big eared monkey is not

I went on Netflix and watched a few episodes from various seasons to get my crash course in Avatar. One of the first characters I fell in love with was the giant flying buffalo with a beaver tail. I never caught the name of this creature but it seems like he (or she) is a general utility vehicle for the main characters. The buffalo can fly, float, walk, eats a lot of hay and is otherwise quiet and calm. That I like. The little lemur-monkey thing on the other hand is easily the most annoying character on a show with too many characters as it is. I can see that this little guy is there for some comic relief and is probably loved by every fan of the show, but in the episodes I saw he acted like little more than a shallow plot trigger. If you took out the flying monkey I don’t think the cartoon or story would suffer.

Elemental kung fu is pretty awesome

One of the best aspects of Avatar is the fighting. I’m an action guy so if there’s guns, explosions, or fighting, I’ll give it a shot. Avatar is all based on various martial arts but with the added bonus of manipulating the elements, called “bending.” The elemental bending adds some extra oomph to the whole kung fu thing and it looks great because the fight scenes are well blocked and colored. The concept of controlling rocks, fire, water, and wind around to beef up your punches is pretty killer but I think at times it feels like a bit much. When I came into this thing I thought the bending was some sort of black art that only a few people were privileged to have – kind of like being a Jedi – but then I find out that just about everyone can bend the elements, which was somewhat disappointing. When more people can do the special move than can’t, it makes that power seem a little less impressive and dramatic. I watched as a Fire Lord made giant waves of fire but then saw his little peon guys shoot fireballs too. I also don’t know why Fire is the badass element out of the four but whatever…you need a bad guy, right?

I certainly wouldn't mind learning how to perform a few of these moves myself.

It’s hard to play catch-up

When I booted up the Netflix to watch these episodes, I picked a few episodes from the beginning, the middle, and the end, so I didn’t necessarily watch any episodes in order…and that was a mistake. Avatar has such a rich and winding story that it was really hard to jump in midstream and feel comfortable. There are a lot of characters that come and go besides the three main kids and that can often be confusing. Who’s that old man? Is he important? Wait, he can bend rocks too? Do I need to remember him later? Those are questions that often entered my head. For the most part it seems each episode presents a problem that is solved within the half hour but the story seems to assume you already know a lot about each character, so it’s hard to feel invested in all of them. This is probably another reason why I never got hooked on Avatar. Even if the cartoon was on when I was channel surfing and gave it a few minutes, I’d be confused and move on. Sorry, I need my cartoons to be short and sweet. Sure, there can be an overall story arc between episodes but that story shouldn’t be so complex that you can’t become a fan at half time. While watching I was reminded about one of the last cartoons I really loved, Samurai Jack. Samurai Jack had a simple story of Jack trying to get back to his own time but each episode had a clear beginning and end. You could watch any one episode and leave happy even if that was the only episode you watched. I can appreciate a well-crafted story but I have my limits.

It has a good ending

All too often cartoons outstay their welcome. Despite the Avatar story being long and sometimes complicated, the whole thing has a beginning and an end. I watched the last 90-minute episode and was happy that it ended the way it did with everyone being happy and order having been restored to the world. Every character did their thing and it was a great journey. Great. Wonderful. Let’s not beat a dead horse. The cartoons I love all jumped the shark at some point, so it’s nice to see a cartoon have some restraint and know when to call it quits…and Avatar seemed to do that when they were on top. I think handling it like that is the biggest reason why people are excited about the new Avatar cartoon coming out this week.

I don’t think you’ll find me sitting and watching Avatar on Netflix beginning to end anytime soon, but I feel like a better fan of cartoons because I watched a few episodes. No, I can’t name many of the characters but I do know that the Fire people are the bad guys, and the bald kid and his friends are the good guys. I also know that Avatar has some of the best fight scenes I’ve seen in a cartoon and that it is all well produced and presented. I can see why a lot of people got sucked into Avatar and that’s why I don’t really mind being part of this Avatar love-in. Carry on benders, carry on.

5. Unreasonably Young Protagonists

I wonder if these might be the destined heroes to save us all...?

If there’s one thing that anime doesn’t mind doing, it’s making the protagonists ambiguously young. Half the time they’ll be in high school or even younger, which is a trope that seems to be encouraged in JRPGs quite frequently. This seems to hold up pretty well here in Avatar as the main four (five if you count Zuko) protagonists are all under 18-years-old.

Why this says “anime” to me is that the villains are, for the most part, adults. Well, let me qualify that: The main villain is an adult. The Big Bad of the show, Firelord Ozai, happens to be a manly dude with a beard, yet it’s this band of kids that’re going to be the serious contenders for “greatest at everything,” no matter what that may be. Can Aang master all four styles of bending and fight a super-powered Firelord? Oh yes. Can Toph master a new form of bending involving metal? Yes as well. Can Katara master a relatively unknown form of Waterbending that involves blood? Absolutely. Can Zuko master the ability to channel lightning out of his body? That’s a check!

Now, why this isn’t a bad thing is that young protagonists are meant to be relatable to the younger audience, which the show was intended for (despite being rightfully enjoyed by everyone). But it does call to mind more anime than it does Western shows (Gohan, Naruto, Simon, Ash, Luffy, Digimon’s protagonists, etc. vs Batman, Superman, X-Men, etc). Essentially, when it comes to action cartoons, when kids are involved it sways much more toward anime than anything else.

4. It’s a Small World

Hey look at that, a nice compact world that fits easily into a single rectangle...

One of the greatest parts of a sweeping epic is how many locales the main characters will visit over the course of the story. In one chapter they could be in a deep valley, and the next they find themselves on top of a great mountain, and then in another two episodes they’re over in a desert before finding a huge civilization by the beach. And then in the very next scene they find they’re needed back in the valley and whoosh, they’re already there.

No fleshed-out world is every truly massive, otherwise there’d be no way to create a connection to some of the bigger landmarks. You either have to spend a lot of time in one place all at once, or you have to be able to quickly get back to it almost instantly. This is another trope that seems to carry over from JRPGs seeing as how you’re capable of traversing the entire map, only to be called to the other side of the world with little notice. Avatar actually seems to do this pretty regularly as well.

Again, this isn’t a bad thing since sure, I want to get to see all these different places when they’re walking on foot, but then I also want to go back whenever a big crisis occurs. Building a grand world and then shrinking it, especially when you have the power of flight and deadlines are set across the globe that need be traveled in a day, feels like an anime to me.

3. Martial Arts Solves Everything

Oh kids today. I suppose that's just how they deal with unresolved family strife.

Very few times in the real world can you stop and decide without a doubt in your mind, “Yes, this problem can probably be resolved with the use of martial arts.” Avatar loves to find solutions to every problem with the ancient art of Bending, a form of martial arts that happens to create pew-pew special effects in addition to kicking butts.

You’re smart enough to see where I’m going with this, but again we see that in anime, the plot is usually resolved by finding someone who can hit harderiest with any plot point moving toward teaching someone how to hit even harderiester. Dragon Ball Z made a living off of this, and Naruto, as far as I can tell, likes to pull the “My wushu is stronger than your wushu” stunt pretty regularly. Avatar most certainly relies on the “I must find inner peace/learn a new power/hone my strength” tactic over the “We need to use clever reasoning to find a solution” that a lot of Western shows look for. So in this case, anime pays respects to Bruce Lee while Western shows tend to pay respects to Sherlock Holmes.

I wouldn’t for the life of me say this is a bad thing as sometimes you just wanna see a guy punch a dude, and sometimes you want it to look really freaking cool when he does it. The action in Avatar reeks of anime, but in a good way. Action junkies are people, too!

2. Destiny!

Hmm, this guy looks important... Nah, probably just my imagination.

How often do you find an anime that follows a central protagonist that learns “They are the one chosen to solve the world’s problems?” And now look at Western cartoons and tell me the difference. Yes, Western shows tend to have characters that choose to be The One, like Batman, while anime rely on someone who already is The One and just didn’t know it until someone told them.

See what I’m about to do? Aang is a great character, but he’s a character thrust into the spotlight. We know that he has to fight the Big Bad because no one else can. This forces an importance on him that seems fairly regular in the anime style, and just like the anime style, there’s absolutely zero chance that a different character will ever be the most important and save the day.

Could I just be frank for a moment? I love The Chosen One tropes. I have absolutely no problem with them at all, but it’s hard to deny that they’re inherently anime in tone. So very many Western shows are about group dynamics, even shows that aren’t action-oriented like Hey Arnold, Rugrats, or Duck Tales. Doesn’t mean it isn’t awesome; it just occurs more in anime.

1. Because Everyone Already Thinks So

"Are you watching that Pokemon show again?!" -Your Grandma

I made an analogy a while ago where I asked what you would call a food item that’s made with dough, cheese, pepperoni, and tomato sauce, except it isn’t made in Italy. The joke is that I’m describing a pizza, so if you put all those things together and then someone told you it looked like a delicious pizza and you reacted with distain because you didn’t make it in Italy so it couldn’t be a pizza, then you’d just look silly.

The truth at the heart of this is in the eye of the uninitiated. If I were to show Avatar to my grandma, she would probably tell me it looks like some Japanese cartoon or something. The general public takes one look at Avatar and all they see is: “Hey, that looks like a pizza.” There’s just no way around that. Watchmen is a comic book. The Matrix is a kung-fu movie. Avatar is an anime. You aren’t able to stop every person and explain to them with the amount of knowledge that you definitively have why it most certainly is not and how dare they for believing something so foolish?! They haven’t seen it. They have no choice but to group it with what they can comprehend, and that so happens to be anime.

What’s really troubling to me is this notion that having Avatar called an anime is a bad thing, from some of the same people who seem to love anime so very much. Break away from conventions for a moment and the need to be right, and what does it hurt when something is falsely called “anime?” Does that suddenly make Avatar lesser? No, the show is still strong. I just don’t understand the insistence that it’s not an anime when the creators were clearly influenced by the anime style of a mystic martial arts serialized epic.

There, I’m done, I’ve said my little argument about why Avatar is an anime. But now I want to know what you think about it. Do you generally agree with my statements? Or are you vehemently opposed to any and everything I said here? Or could you just not care either way? I think I’m in that third camp at this point, but you might as well leave a comment and get this discussion going.

The cover is certainly exciting, but can the inside live up to that?

When we last left off in Part 1, Aang was securely the new Avatar, Katara and he were a romantic interest, Toph had her own Metalbending school, Sokka was…around, and Zuko was fulfilling his duties as the new Firelord. The central conflict revolves around Zuko and Aang deciding it would be best for the Fire Nation to withdraw all troops and citizens from Fire Nation colonies established in the Earth Kingdom, a decision that angers a great deal of people, specifically members of the Fire Nation (oddly, how strange). When presented with the idea that he was betraying his people, Zuko suddenly did a 180 and decided that the fire Nation should be able to keep their colonies and blah blah blah.

Look, the titular promise is made between Aang and Zuko where Zuko asks Aang to take him out if he ever starts to become like his father, with the end of Part 1 showing Zuko asking his imprisoned father for advice on how to lead his people. Part 2 picks up where we left off…and then promptly does nothing for about 70 pages. Part 2 is the clear in-between chapter, though instead of getting darker and more serious, nothing happens. We have three plots happening, with the first revolving around Toph and Sokka training Metalbenders, the second with Aang and Katara dealing with a new Avatar fanclub, and the third being Zuko wrestling with his responsibilities as the new Firelord.

Of the three plots, the only one with any real depth is Zuko’s as it shows him talking with his father, trying to gain perspective on the situation, and showing real character development. With Toph and Sokka, it’s just a bunch of silliness revolving around Toph’s three incompetent students, each with unbelievably stock personalities (one fears doom, one loves shoes, and one is an emo kid). There’s nothing really at stake, and the three new characters are annoying, making it difficult to care what happens to them.

These characters will try your patience and make you wish Korra had already premiered.

With Aang and Katara though, we’re forced to go through the most pointless cliché of “fan club of girls devoted to the hero makes the girlfriend jealous while he doesn’t understand what’s happening.” I enjoyed the dynamic between these two characters particularly in the third season of the show, and I was very happy to see them become an item in the end, so now that we have to sit through the “jealous girlfriend/clueless boyfriend” arc, I can’t help but scroll through their pages faster.

Since the story is somewhat lacking, and doesn’t have either a true beginning or an end, it’s hard to judge Part 2’s overall plot solely based on its own merits. I have no clue how Part 3 is going to wrap things up, but it does seem like there’s a nice big conflict building. Instead though, we don’t really see a new perspective in the middle chapter, there’s hardly any action, and it feels like things are just stalling for time. Avatar was always so good about not wasting time with filler, but now we’re getting said filler and then some.

Perhaps a lot of the difficulty is spawning from the difficult transition from the screen to the page, where the usual corny jokes and silly attitudes fall flat when read alone, but could very well be amazing when given full visual performances with blocking and such. Here it just feels a bit too juvenile, and yes, I realize I’m talking about a story meant for kids.

But be careful kids! There's makin' out and stuff! Risque!

But at the end of the day, The Promise Part 2 is safe. It doesn’t make you think too hard; it doesn’t do anything that’s really offensive or world shattering or anything like that. We just get to see a few characters have a night or two to kind of work out some little problems in their lives, and just the fact that these are characters from Avatar gives them more weight since we know them well enough to actually care. When someone walks away feeling hurt from someone else for seemingly no reason, we still understand the weight behind this action. There’s definite power there.

If I were to sum up Part 2, it’d be that it’s comfortable. It’s a very quick read and sadly doesn’t require a second look to find deeper truths or anything. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, and Avatar fans will be sure to scoop up any chance to consume more of the universe. The sad part is, with Legend of Korra coming out so very soon, The Promise Part 2 is going to feel not just dull by comparison, but unnecessary.

Don’t let me dissuade you though. I’m just calling this as I see it. I’m still very interested to see where Part 3 is going to take us, but I’m so disappointed that we’ll have to wait until September to get there. I really wish this were just a two-part story, but sometimes I suppose it just requires more thought. You can look into ordering The Promise Part 2 from Dark Horse Comics and Things From Another World today.

Today, I begin Too Much Avatar Week with quite the peculiar list. One thing I have yet to get across in all my fanboy rants about the series thus far, is WHY I believe Avatar stands out over anything else that the big three child centered TV Networks combined (Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, and Cartoon Network) have created in over a decade. Apart from being one of the first successful animated series made in the west with a strong east influenced art style, the show itself pushed the boundaries of its Y7 TV rating and was able to pull off rare moments of drama and suspense that, before this show, would have seemed unprecedented for a young audience. Moments that make you think, “Wait, Nickelodeon let this slide?”

So to congratulate Avatar for taking risks and giving their young audience something more serious and mature to watch for a change, here are some specific episodes responsible for making it happen. My Top 5 Darkest Episodes of Avatar The Last Airbender.

Book 1 Chapter 13 The Blue Spirit

I’m one of those guys that started watching Avatar since the beginning during its premiere in 2005. Early on in the show’s run, while I enjoyed it for its good mix of fights and slapstick wrapped in some very pretty animation, I didn’t really think of it much more than just another harmless action series in the vein of Teen Titans or Kim Possible. Sure there was a very good buildup with a sense of urgency and distress in the world with the warring nations and whatnot, but the show itself never really went anywhere all too dangerous or threatening for the first several episodes.

The 13th episode of the first season was the first point of Avatar where I truly felt the stakes were raised. Let’s recap what happens:

• The show’s central antagonist, Zhao, get’s promoted to Admiral.
• He recruits a group of legendary archers in his hunt for the Avatar.
• They track down Aang and capture him while he’s too busy searching for a cure for his friends to properly defend himself.
• Oh that’s right, Aang’s only two available companions, therefore the only people who would theoretically know he’s in trouble and attempt to rescue him, are both out of commission due to nasty fevers they caught in a storm from the previous episode.

So like that, the world’s one and only hope for peace is officially captured and the Fire Nation has secured their victory.

“This is the year Sozen’s Comet returns to grant us it’s power! This is the year the Fire Nation breaks through the walls of Ba-Sing-Se, and burns the city to the ground!”

The only reason the Avatar, and henceforth the world, is saved this episode, is because a certain banished prince had the gall to go against everything he’s ever believed in order to break him out. Zuko, for the entire show at this point, has been obsessed with one thing and one thing only: restoring his honor and fulfilling his destiny as Prince of the Fire Nation. So for him to commit just about the most dishonorable act imaginable, betraying his entire country, was just unprecedented. What’s sad is that it wasn’t like Zuko wanted to do this because he had a change of heart or was truly concerned about the world. No, he does it because he’s literally given no other option. It was either this, or bend down, roll over, accept his failure, and live the rest of his life as an outcast, never to come home again. That sucks.

Book 2 Chapter 11 The Desert

In the opinion of not only myself but a large portion of fans, Avatar truly hit its stride and was at its absolute best in its second season. The plot thickened, the enemies were more threatening, and the Gaang started to move along their journey at a brisk pace with almost every episode building off the last. At the apex of the entire series, the Gaang discovered a library where they found out about a solar eclipse that could be their one and only window of opportunity to invade the Fire Nation at their weakest.

Of course, immediately upon receiving this information, their Bison gets stolen by Sandbenders and they are left stranded in the middle of the desert with no transportation.

Do I even need to remind people how intense this was? Let’s recap again:

• Sokka’s tripping balls on catctus juice the whole time, so he’s useless.
•  Toph is blind as a bat, so she’s useless.
• Aang is more pissed than we have ever seen him or ever will, so much so that he is completely incapable on focusing on anything but Appa, so he’s also useless.

That leaves Katara, forced into taking up the mantle as the leader, desperately trying to keep the group together and alive, bare-in-mind all the while slowly losing what little usefulness she has as her water supply quickly depletes. It is easily the most powerless situation our heroes are ever in for the entire series. If that weren’t enough, Aang’s anger manages to get worse and worse as the episode progresses, to the point where he, the self-proclaimed animal lover who believes all life is sacred, consciously and intentionally KILLS a buzzard wasp in cold blood, just because.

By the time they reach the sandbenders, Aang completely snaps and enters the Avatar state. The episode ends with probably one of the saddest and unresolved wrap-ups in the series.

Book 2 Chapter 17 Lake Laogai

All right, so I had my doubts about putting this episode on the list. For starters, this is the episode when the Gaang is finally reunited with Appa, whose capture was what made the Desert episode so bleak in the first place. Moreover, Zuko is the one that sets him free, who does so not for any personal gain or obligation, but because it is the right thing to do. To cap it off, Zuko finishes by ultimately letting go of his identity as the Blue Spirit. So in many ways, this episode was very uplifting.

That said, it did not come without a price. And quite a steep one at that.

The victory at Lake Laogai came with the loss of Jet, who for the run of his character arc since season one went from being a troubled adolescent with misplaced ideals of justice to a humble refugee seeking redemption for the wrongs in his past. His story’s kind of depressing when you think about it. Just when he’s starting to become a decent human being, he gets unceremoniously killed off while fighting for his freedom. Also, keep note that this is the first time in the series a central character is KIA (Yue was self-sacrificed and Zhao suffered divine retribution. Neither of which was in battle). Not only did it serve to show just how sinister Long Feng is (probably my favorite villain in the series), but the way they go about confirming his death is so sudden. He tells Katara that he’s going to be okay, but as they leave to continue looking for Appa, Toph confesses the truth to Sokka:

“He’s lying”

That’s a punch to the gut if I ever felt one. While we see what looks like Longshot pulling out an arrow to stand guard over his fallen comrade in case any more Dai Li show up, it has been speculated that what he was really doing was readying an arrow to put Jet out of his misery. That may almost sound TOO dark, but honestly, it would not surprise me if Longshot had it in him to do that. After all, he was the guy that fired the shot that blew the dam that flooded the town that could have wiped out hundreds of lives in Book 1 Chapter 11.

RIP Jet, and may flights of Lemurs sing thee to Hot Guy Heaven.

Book 3 Chapter 8 The Puppetmaster

Coincidentally, this episode premiered on Nick the week of Halloween 2007. It sets itself up to be your typical ghost story, what with the creepy old lady innkeeper, and the mystery of people in town disappearing the night of the full moon. We’re lead to believe this is a spirit world conflict, given a similar setup to Book 1 Chapter 7, but then we gradually learn more about this innkeeper Hama. It is revealed that she is in fact at a Waterbender from Sokka and Katara’s tribe. We see the story of how she was the last of the Southern Waterbenders taken in the Fire Nation raids.

Then the episode takes a turn from a little spooky to flat out terrifying when Hama reveals the method that lead to her escape: Bloodbending. Freakin’ Bloodbending! That’s like something the mature fans would speculate online but never believed the creators to actually tackle.

So the next full moon arrives, and Hama attempts to force her teachings onto Katara.

“The choice is not yours. The power exists…and it’s your duty to use the gifts you’ve been given to win this war. …We’re the last Waterbenders of the Southern Tribe. We have to fight these people whenever we can. Wherever they are, with any means necessary!”

The worst part, by the end, she succeeds. Yeah, the bad guy wins this time. Hama threatens Aang’s life by bending Sokka to aim his sword directly at his heart, and Katara has no opening but to Bloodbend Hama herself and stop her from taking the Avatar’s life just in the nick of time. And like that, the darkest of Waterbending techniques gets passed on to a whole new generation.

Of course said power is only as effective as the user’s will to use it, and of course this is Katara we’re talking about. Team Avatar’s very own Mary Sue. There’s absolutely no way someone as kind and collected as her would ever be rash or aggravated enough to actually consider… oh…

Book 3 Chapter 16 The Southern Raiders

And thus, we round up our list of darkest Avatar episodes with what could be considered a spiritual follow up to The Puppetmaster, seeing as it takes place at the next full moon. In the final chapter of the Individual Field Trips with Zuko arc, Katara takes a journey to confront the man that murdered her mother, and in the process becomes a more scary and unsettling person than Hama herself. Heck, she even gives Azula a run for her money.

Speaking of Azula, the show opens with a very early surprise attack in which we get to see the Princess of Fire Nation, fresh from being betrayed by her only friends at the Boiling Rock, take her first steps toward insanity, of which we will all witness in full throttle during the finale.

Anyway, back to Katara. It can be said that The Southern Raiders was to her what The Desert was to Aang. She unveils inner demons from her past that lead her to say and do things that would suggest no longer being herself. One of the big ones is how she resorts to Bloodbending, a technique that last time brought her to tears for having it forced upon her to protect someone. Now she uses it with vengeful intent without a hint of hesitation, only to find out the man she uses it upon is not really the one she’s looking for.

The culprit in question, Yan Ra, is surprisingly well developed in just the few short minutes we see him. How ironic that the man responsible for murdering Katara’s mother now spends his retirement being bossed around by his own mother. (True story: Every single person I have ever watched this show with has always laughed at the part where he offers Katara the option to kill his mother for payback. How sad is that?) Their confrontation in the third act is nothing short of intense. We’ve spent nearly the whole episode focused on Katara and her grief, yet we’ve just now seen enough of Yan Ra to truly pity him. It’s a no win situation, regardless what fate Katara chooses in the end.

However, there is a moment of relief when Katara chooses to take the high road and follow Aang’s advice. Even Zuko comes up to Aang and admits he may have been wrong in how he attempted to push Katara to such violent means. Of course, this tender moral is quickly countered when Zuko asks Aang a vital question:

“What are you going to do when you face my father.”

Way to kill the mood, Zuko. Just when this episode was about to take a turn for the better, you have to ruin it by bringing up another conflict that we won’t see a resolution to till the very last episode. I hope you’re happy.

“I’m never happy.”

So there you have it, the darkest episodes of Avatar the Last Airbender. Keep in mind, I made a personal note to steer away from putting any of the season finales on the list. By their nature, all three finales, Siege of the North, The Crossroads of Destiny, and Sozin’s Comet, were reasonably dark simply given that they were the climax of a whole season of buildup, and therefore prone to have a rise in tension. Likewise for Book One Chapter 12, The Storm, which told Aang and Zuko’s origin stories, both of which were inherently dark given they needed tragic pasts to set them up. A few other dark episodes include the following:

• Winter Solstice Part 1: The Spirit World
• Zuko Alone
• City of Walls and Secrets
• Appa’s Lost Days.

And yet, one of the things that compels me most about Avatar was how well it balanced its mature themes with some of the most well timed light-hearted humor I’ve seen in animation. Some of the best jokes of the series come from the same episodes I claim to be dark.

Happy Too-Much-Avatar everyone. Stay tuned for more Avatar related updates all week long.

And remember, only 5 more days till Korra!

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