New G.I. Joe Toys — A Real American Disappointment


gi-joe-rise-cobra-toysGo Joe! Wait, Maybe No…

G.I. Joes were the best action figures of all time. I’m not even going to feign objective journalism here, they were the perfect toy for any guy who enjoyed forcing soldiers to enlist against their will and fighting the perfect war against whoever we darn well pleased.

Back then, G.I. Joes were the bee’s knees, (or “dank” for you hip new generation). Life was good.

“Was” being the key operative here.

A Newer, Cheaper Generation


New action figures aren't as robust as the classic collection

Now we have G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra coming out in theaters on August 7th. That means new toys will coincide with a toy line that never stopped making toys since they first began.

Which further means you’re doomed to get toys that just don’t quite feel right, mostly because the arms and necks are just slightly too frail to look correct.

There are a few female G. I. Joes to deal with now, but the female figures sadly look like little more than the “Oh, that’s the only one they have left” toys that every line of action figures suffers from.

While still under $10, I found placed conveniently next to the G.I. Joes at Target some off-brand versions with twice as many weapons and much cooler details for $3 cheaper. There is some hope with the G.I. Joe vehicles, but still, nothing that the off-brand toys aren’t doing for better and cheaper.

GI Joe 12″ Dolls Miss the Mark Too

ripcord-gi-joe-dollThe 12-inch figures also really fail to impress. At least one of the G.I. Joe toys has the “clothing just etched in” peeve of mine, with the elbow-joint looking extremely weird. These should be better detailed, but some of them look ridiculous, like Cobra Commander.

I’d suggest passing unless you spend a few more bucks and get the deluxe Storm Shadow doll with actual fabric and some nifty weapons, like nunchucks. Nunchucks just make every action figure better.

Parents, if you let your kids see the movie, they’ll want the toys. The action figures vaguely resemble the movie-version of the characters, so it may be difficult to convince them to get something different when they specifically want “G.I. Joes.”

However, the off-brand G.I. Joes come in at a few bucks cheaper, so explain how they look cooler, have more weapons, and how you can probably afford two. Hopefully they make the right choice. If it’s for a birthday, grab the cheaper “G.I. Moes” and fake ignorance, just like all parents during Christmas. Your kids will get over it.


About Author

Chris was the former Head Writer/Editor of Toy-TMA. He did a great job overseeing the site and getting new content published regularly. Always more than willing to respond to a comment or two, but pitiless with trolls! He has since moved on from TMA, and we wish him the best.


  1. Cobra commander and Duke are two of my favorite GI Joe characters. the movie is great and i am waiting for a sequel of gi joe perhaps maybe next year or so.

  2. I love GI Joe the movie. my favorite GI Joe character is Scarlet and the Baroness. I love the GI Joe cartoon version ever since i was a little kid.

  3. GI Joe the movie is awesome. it focuses mainly on nanotechnology. this movie should have been made a couple of years ago.

  4. i am a big fan of GI Joe. it was originally a cartoon series that i always watched when i was just a kid. i also collected many GI Joe action figures.

  5. i have been watching GI Joe cartoons since childhood. a year ago, i was thinking why Hollywood has not yet created a movie version of GI JOE. I am very happy now that i can watch a movie version of my favorite cartoon show.

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