Boy does that bring back the memories. In fact, why don’t I tell you about them? You remember being a teenager and there were those really pesky kindergarten aged kids in your neighborhood that looked up to you for no adequate reason besides that you were older than them and you had all the latest and greatest products on the market, and then your parents forced you to be nice to them and let them play with your toys and you always had to worry about the brats accidentally damaging them? Yeah, they bugged the ever-living crap out of you, right? Well it just so happens I am completely guilty of being one of those pesky kids. When I was about age six, I had this next door neighbor whose name, quite ironically, was Chris (no relation). He was about 14 years old at the time, and he used his allowance money to buy nearly every piece of the Power Rangers toy line. I would go to check out his room and see this completely epic display of the Rangers and their dinosaurs battling Rita Repulsa’s evil space aliens. What followed was me ringing his doorbell every single day after school to go play at his house. Of course, it wasn’t long before my parents caved and got me a few of my own. So lets recap the different toys that were available back in 1993.

8” Action Figures

What you are looking at here is pure 90’s gold.

Goss, I just now remembered those trippy triangle boxes. But in all seriousness, these action figures were the bomb. Their arms and legs had numerous joints, so you could recreate almost any of the million cheesy poses they had throughout the show. Even their fingers and their feet had joints, and each ranger came with their signature power blaster. Plus to be fair they looked extremely authentic to the series. They also made another line of rangers similar to these toys, but added built in karate chop or kick actions in their limbs. I mean the only slight problem I could have with them is that their eight-inch size makes them eligible to be often mistaken as dolls rather than action figures, which is a big no-no for little boys (heck, even big boys). Not that we can blame people, I mean look at them. They were almost the exact same height as the Barbie dolls.

“Today, Ken’s Dream House! Tomorrow, the world!”

Flip Head Figures

To get the elephant out of the room, yes. The black ranger was black. Will we ever live that down?

I remember these being pretty popular as well. These figures were more on the small side. While they didn’t have as many joints and less mobility then their bigger brothers, they did have this little gimmick where if you press the belt buckle, their heads flip from their secret identity to their ranger helmet. Plus with these figures, each ranger came with both a power blaster and their power weapon of choice, and if you bought them all, you could combine all five weapons to create their super special awesome power blaster.

Just like the show.

Zords

Now for the final blow.

What is there really to say about the original Megazord that won’t sound like a broken record? It was the Devastator of the Power Ranger toy-verse. Five separate robotic dinosaurs that could all fuse into the ultimate battle machine. The battle mode (above) was awesome, but my personal favorite was the tank mode. Yet, as versatile as the Megazord was, it was also very easy to assemble for young children. The more I think about it, the concept of the Megazord as a toy has always been a no brainer, and not just because it looked, at first glance, like a cheep Transformer knock off. If you’ve watched the show just once in your life (and let’s be honest here, who hasn’t), and you saw how the Megazord and its five consecutive parts fit together, there’s no hiding it. It was essentially a giant freaking toy.

Anyone else thought the Dragonzord reminded them of Mechagodzilla?

Wow, that was fun. The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers will always hold a strong spot in my childhood memories. It was easily one of, if not THE biggest pop culture phenomenon of the Pre-Pokemon era, and these toys, made in the Golden Age of action figures and robots in disguise, are no exception. In fact I think it’s fair to say these toys have aged a whole lot better than the show they were based off of. While it’s wonderful to look back and remember the Rangers as being this awesome super hero series that totally kicked ass in the 90’s, it’s a whole other experience entirely to actually go back and try to revisit those feelings. I mean sure, the theme song is still epic, but after you finish that… Aye-yae-yae-yae-yae!

Want more Forget-Me-Nots? Check these out:

-Forget-Me-Nots: Chutes and Ladders

-Forget-Me-Not: Halloween-Turned-Toys!

-Forget-Me-Nots: My Lone Ranger Action Figure

And a huge thank you to The Virtual Ninja Turtle Museum for their help with images and a clear archive. I wouldn’t have been able to pull off this article without them!

10. Slap Shot Leo:

Turtles participating in sports? How absurd!

The Turtles had a bunch of figure lines featuring them in sports uniforms along with the appropriate equipment to go along. Slap Shot Leo was a figure I was totally into as a kid because hockey seemed really cool to me, even more so that Leo had ice skates on. Haven’t I made it pretty apparent before that action figures with some mode of built-in transportation are cool? Ice skates were cool to me. And even better, this is hockey we’re talking about, so it would make perfect sense for Leo to go straight from the game to busting heads, assuming it’s not within the same game. Go hockey!

9. Raph, The Magnificent:

Abra kadabra, and now your nose is BROKEN!

If we remember my Ridiculous Turtle Action Figures list, I placed Mike dressed as a clown pretty high. He was terrifying on some strange level, but Raph The Magnificent is the opposite: He’s awesome on some strange level. Perhaps it is the rabbit concealed in his hat. Perhaps it is his rockin’ mustache. Perhaps it’s just seeing a Ninja Turtle with coat tails. But on the most basic level, these are ninjas we’re talking about, and adding magic only functions to make them better at being ninjas. Raph with the power of illusion only makes sense in some glorious universe.

8. TD Tossin’ Leo:

The NFL would be so much cooler if there were more ninjas actively playing.

Coming from the same figure line as Slap Shot Leo, TD Tossin’ Leo is even more aggressive, even missing a bunch of teeth and wearing a ripped-up jersey. It’s clear that he plays full-contact football, none of this two-hand-touch crap. Suckers got smeared when Leo picked the long bomb, and though we never got Runningback Mike or Defensive Line Don, Leo was enough to suffice the violent sports urge all young boys had and most never grew out of. Even cooler: he came with a full helmet. The more accessories the better, and an easy-on, easy-off helmet was more than welcome for a TMNT action figure. I don’t know who’d win in a fight between TD Tossin’ Leo and Slap Shot Leo, but it’d be a good fight.

7. Power-Punchin’ Rocksteady:

Moma said knock you out. Also, mama was a rhino, so she knew these things.

Immediately upon seeing Rocksteady decked out in boxing gear my brain jumped to Punch-Out!! Boxing, yet another sport, is also a sport based ENTIRELY around beating the ever-loving crap out of your opponent. Sure, matches can be decided on a point system, but no one remembers those as fondly as matches won with a TKO or a referee running in and saying, “No more or he’ll bleed out of his ears!” Strapping boxing gloves to Rocksteady’s mitts only allows him to punch harder, sending Turtles sprawling. He’s like King Hippo, Balrog, and TJ Combo mixed into one excellent rhino-shaped package!

6. Safari Michelangelo:

Gold star if I get through this caption without making a lame Australian joke. And success!

Truth be told I probably wish I’d grown up in Australia. I have no clue why, but I love the accents and the outback outfits. What the image up there doesn’t show are the various accessories Mike had to go with his outback safari, the best of which was probably a huge gun connected to a water-filled backpack (shaped like an angry monkey of course), which when squeezed sprayed water at whichever enemies seemed to really hate water. Hey, Shredder wears a bunch of metal, and that stuff rusts, so sure, water works. He also came with a hunting knife, a bit of a shock to me. It was shocking because most times any Ninja Turtle came with a knife or a gun, it’d be shaped like something wacky. In this instance it just looked like a real knife. Sweet!

5. Creature From The Black Lagoon Leo:

Who knew that the creature from the Black Lagoon was actually just a turtle?

Not one but two action figure lines came out with Turtles as Universal Studios Monsters, and of the eight produced, Creature From The Black Lagoon Leo is the best. Really, all he looked like was a further-mutated Ninja Turtle, but I was all for it. Bigger hands for smacking and red eyes for glaring made this a must-have for me. And I never owned it! What a disappointment my childhood was! Oh well, at least I owned the four remaining figures on this list.

4. Pro Pilot Don:

Fighter pilots are awesome and nearly extinct. Enjoy them while you can!

Of the two Mutant Military series released, the first was immensely better seeing as how it had Raph dressed as a green beret, Leo decked out in Desert Storm attire, and Mike sporting the naval look, machinegun-toting bird in tow. But those three paled in comparison to Pro Pilot Don, a figure that came with a pretend parachute that strapped to his backpack. It looked pretty simple, but using my superior childhood imagination, I imagined that the parachute allowed him to fly. And as the rule goes: Flying toys are always better than non-flying toys. Also included was a helmet with a breathing mask, just like he’d wear in a fighter jet. Oh, and each Mutant Military figure came with a miniature American flag. Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?

3. Pterano Don:

He comes from a prehistoric land down under. ...Oh wait, dang it!

What’s the rule? “Flying toys are always cooler than non-flying toys.” Pterano Don is what you get when you mix Donatello with a pterodactyl, meaning that Donny gets huge wings and a head that looks like he can rend metal like a can-opener. Pterano Don is a beast, pure and simple. I played with him so much that one of the wings fell off and I had to reattach it/play less roughly with my super awesome Ninja Turtles. He was even quite a bit larger in stature and height than all the other Turtles figures I owned, making him a more commanding presence in the ongoing plotlines my homemade series would endure. Just looking at the other figures in the line, all of which were crossed with dinosaurs, only Don stands out as a really cool action figure. The others feel lacking. Except maybe mixing Shredder with a tyrannosaurus, though that only really succeeded in making him look like a Street Shark reject.

2. Cave Turtle Raph With Tubular Pterodactyl:

Please take note of the mask on the pterodactyl, because the pterodactyl is also a ninja.

Yes, more flying toys and yes, more pterodactyls. The Turtles had a series where they were prehistoric in nature and rode around on happy-go-lucky dinosaurs Flintstones style. Once I got Raph I was all set as he came with the pterodactyl, making every adventure he starred in comprised of 95% flying and 5% getting to his pterodactyl so he could continue flying. Eventually the harness strap broke off the pterodactyl, meaning no turtle could really ride him anymore. I was more or less fine with this and allowed him to stand alone as his own character, talking and wisecracking just as you’d expect. So what could possibly outdo two pterodactyls in a row?

1. Super Don:

The greatest thing ever! Too Much Awesome!

Try adding Batman to the equation. Yeah, that sure does spike things in the awesome department by a wide margin, doesn’t it? Of this series, Don was garbed in Batman-like attire whereas Mike looked vaguely Superman-esque. Both were great, but Don came with a wrist-attached baterang-launcher (it was fake but it looked cool). I played like it was a grappling hook, a laser, and a stun gun, and each time I loved it more. But could he fly? Yes, whenever I felt like allowing him to fly. This is just one cool toy, the likes of which we may never see again.

These are just ten of dozens of awesome outfits the Turtles have worn over the years. Do you have a favorite that I didn’t mention? Leave a comment and let me know. In the meantime, I need to figure out a way to craft a Super Don outfit in time for Halloween. Excelsior!

Want more Ninja Turtle articles? Check these out:

-Forget-Me-Nots: The TMNT Pizza Power Board Game

-Go Green Machine! A Ninja Turtle Video Game Retrospective

-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Best Action Figures Ever

These are a bit newer, but still cool.

We’ve been over how much I love Ninja Turtles at least twice. You may also remember a long while back I had a thing or two to say about the G.I. Joe toys based on the movie. But it’s taken me this long to realize that what I really need to do is talk about the real G.I. Joes and why they rival Ninja Turtles for Greatest Action Figure status. Ready? Oorah!

The Second Greatest Action figures of all Time

I have to come clean about this here: I didn’t own a ton of G.I. Joes when I was a kid. I had a few, such as a Lifeline I got from a mail-in cereal thing, and a high-ranking sort of guy whose name I can’t for the life of me remember or find on the internet. You want to know what figure from my G.I. Joe plotlines I used the most? A Lone Ranger action figure I swiped from my grandma. Yup, for some reason, I had the Lone Ranger fighting G.I. Joes on a regular basis. I had turned every G.I Joe into a villain (except for Lifeline, who was the Lone Ranger’s incompetent sidekick) despite the fact that they were branded as Real American Heroes. And they were still awesome.

I had this, minus the horse and guns. Yup, somehow made him lamer yet cooler.

I had a total of two official G. I. Joe figures for much of my childhood, plus two full-size dolls. I also had a few off-brand G. I. Joes that you wouldn’t be able to tell apart from the real thing, and that got me by just fine. Also, of course, I had a friend with dozens of the real thing, so any time we got together it was an hour of deciding who gets to play with which figure in which vehicle at which base with what weapons, giving us maybe a few minutes of playtime, tops. And once again, they were still awesome.

Tons of Variety, Only One Childhood

That’s one thing that appealed to me most about the Joes: The amount of variety in play. There were tons of vehicles and weapons to mix around and give to whomever you felt. While none of the Joes could really grip anything worth a darn, it was still cool to hand a sniper rifle to the medic and place him in a tank. All of my G.I. Joe-related stuff came from garage sales and things my grandma found in her day-to-day of finding awesome things for me to play with. Pretty sure that was her day job. At one point she gave me a G. I. Joe tank she found at a garage sale that somehow transformed into a fortress. It was broken and the pieces were just in a bag all willy-nilly, but that didn’t stop me from reassembling it and finding some use. Than again, what kid can’t figure out how to convert something into a tank? Honestly?

Heck, I made Lifeline seem cool. Behold the wonder of a child's imagination.

So what was my favorite thing about G. I. Joes? They have the perfect level of articulation. Seriously, those things are built with kids at heart. The midsection was the best part of this articulation since it gave such smooth move-ability as it used a rubber band to hold the torso and the legs together. The downside was that it used a rubber band to hold the torso and the legs together. One of my proudest moments came when I repaired a broken Chuck Norris-looking G. I. Joe with a standard rubber band I found. He went from being a standard evil character that couldn’t move to the strongest, most dangerous character in my plots.

I can’t really pinpoint what it is about G. I. Joes that everyone loves so much as my experience is limited to what I grew up with. Still, I want to know what other people did as kids, or even now. What was your favorite aspect about G. I Joes? Did you have a whole army or just a lone soldier? Or did you absolutely hate the Joes? Even if you don’t currently own a Joe, you could get one for under $10. When you have a memory to retell, leave a comment and let me know.

Also, I’m proud that I went a whole G. I. Joe article without using the phrase “Go Joe!” Oh wait…dang it.

Mutagen Man just barely didn't make the cut. So who did?

A while back I did an article about my favorite action figures of all time: Ninja Turtles. I hardly scratched the surface regarding what they did with the Turtles. Some of the toy line saw awesome Turtles. And then there are these, the 10 Most Ridiculous Ninja Turtle Action Figures.

10. Sergeant Bananas:

This gorilla is actually a ranking officer. Note the banana gun, as if you didn't expect that.

When the Ninja Turtles were hitting their peak, every year saw new figures added. But for the most part we weren’t just getting the same characters in different outfits. We actually saw a lot of new characters added purely for the toy line. Sergeant Bananas is one such example. Now there are so very many mutated animals, like a giraffe that plays basketball or an elephant witch doctor, but what sets Sergeant Bananas apart is his blatantly unoriginal name. He’s a gorilla that also happens to be in the army. “Meh, let’s call him Sergeant Bananas.” This is about as normal as things stay.

9. Muckman:

Take notice of the clothes pin on his nose. He's so disgusting he can't stand himself.

Muckman is described as “Tolerating the Turtles,” which sounds like he’s just kinda there most of the time. He’s basically a rotting garbage man and he reminds me a whole lot of the Toxic Avengers. I wouldn’t be surprised if they intended a Ninja Turtles/Toxic Avengers crossover that never went through. Nothing sounds cooler than playing with a compost heap action figure, right?

8. Dwarf Don:

If you ever wanted a Ninja Turtle with a beard, bam, wish granted.

There were a few figures made for a set of I suppose you could say “Barbaric” Ninja Turtles with Leo, Bebop, and Rocksteady all being barbarian warriors of some sort. However, Donatello got the short end of the stick and was cast as the dwarf. It’s strange because I remember there being a mini-comic packed in with this figure that set up a story that included Mike as a knight, but there was no Knight Michelangelo for some reason. I was always disappointed by that.

7. Spock Don:

Technically First Officer Donatello, but you know better.

Yes, there was a Star Trek/Ninja Turtles crossover toy line with the four turtles dressed as the main four characters from Star Trek. Odd that they didn’t have Shredder dressed as a Klingon or something, but no matter. I could include all four of the Star Trek Turtles here, but just seeing Donatello with Vulcan ears puts things over the top.

6. The Mutant Raph:

Of course he's a mutant! It's the second word in TMNT!

For a few years there were also a bunch of crossover figures with Ninja Turtles and Universal Studios Monsters. Some of them were really cool looking, like the Swamp Thing Leo, but something about The Mutant Raph was overly silly. I was always annoyed because he had some cool accessories but his claws didn’t hold them very well, so they’d just sort of slip around in his grip. Regardless, he was still a fairly cool action figure, but that’s only because any figure with claws was considered cool.

5. Tie: Killer Bee/Needle Nose:

Bee with a chainsaw...

...or mosquito with exhaust pipes? Too tough to call.

I can’t decide here which is more ridiculous. On one hand the Foot Clan has a giant bee with a chainsaw and a seat for a Foot Soldier to hitch a ride. So what’s the Turtles’ answer to a giant bee? A giant mosquito, apparently. Just the thought of a mosquito that large freaks me out to no end. What if Shredder could manufacture thousands of these giant bugs? Why wouldn’t he do that all the time? Even weirder, Needle Nose has a windshield to protect the Turtles from I’m assuming gunfire and smaller bugs splattering them in the face. Something about that just seems wrong.

4. Crazy Clown Mike:

Sure, because we needed a mutant ninja clown at some point.

Ninja Turtles are cool. Clowns are not cool. So when you mix the two, which attribute shines through more? Well, in this case the clown half is more apparent, making this one strange thing to see. If you got this one as a gift (and I did), how did you play with him? Did he attack the Foot Clan with his arsenal of balloons and a pie? Oh, and don’t forget his legs extended as well. I’d think Shredder would just be terrified of this one. A clown ninja does have a scary factor to deal with.

3. Bandito-Bashin’ Mike:

Because all Mexican stereotypes have little cactus buddies.

Okay, Ninja Turtles were putting themselves in any manner of themed costumes, with the two biggest being military garb and athletic uniforms. But then along came the Wacky Wild West line with Donatello the cowboy, Leonardo the Indian chief, Raphael the frontier scout, and Michelangelo the…bandito-basher, whatever that is. The amount of racism here is just over-the-top.  He’s obvious a Mexican stereotype. He even has a knife made from a chili pepper. His weapon is a chili knife! What the heck?! There’s no way this would fly these days.

2. Farmer Don:

Forget the Foot Clan! What about the corn?!

I had Farmer Mike who came with a tractor, a shovel, and a pitchfork. I liked him a lot, but I had no clue there was a Farmer Don as well. Let me tell you, Farmer Don made Farmer Mike look awesome. That should be enough to tell you how absurd this action figure is. Donatello even has a corn-cob pipe in his mouth and a crow with a wife-beater sitting on his tractor. There are no words. And this is only number two. So what’s the most ridiculous Ninja Turtle action figure?

1. My First TMNT:

AHHH!!!

The product description explains that the doll is filled with warm water to make it feel “alive.” Action figures are supposed to be cool representations of boyhood fantasies. They should have weapons and vehicles and general chaos surrounding their features. “Warm” and “wiggly” are not adjectives I would use to pitch an action figure to kids unless the action figure is some sort of worm or snake. Just the thought of bathing Raphael is creepy on levels I’m not ready to deal with quite yet and it tops my list for most ridiculous.

So that’s my list. Did you see some of your favorite Ninja Turtle actions figures up there or do you think I missed some? Let me know with a comment or two. There’s also a good chance I’ll give a run-down of the 10 coolest Ninja Turtle action figures, but who knows?

I have this; You want this.

I grew up in the 80′s and 90′s. There will never be a better time to grow up. We got the best toys, the best shows, the best food, and all of that is now gone. And one of the single best things to come out of that era is the concept of a Ninja Turtle.

Sure, the Ninja Turtles are still around, but they’ll never be back to the extent that I witnessed firsthand.  I was there every step of the way as they hit phenomenon status, and I’ll still be there when they eventually fade away for good.

Currently, they are celebrating their 25th anniversary. This means very little for most of you, but you may have seen the classic action figures reissued with the 25th anniversary logo stamped on them bundled with an episode from the original cartoon. I have no need for either of those because I got the Turtles when they were new.

The Best Action Figures Know What Kids Want

The original figures stand at near-perfection next to G.I. Joes. I honestly don’t think we’ll see an action figure line go to the lengths the Turtles went ever again. Over the course of ten years we kept getting new figures for the Turtles, but once you cover the four Turtles, Splinter, April, Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady, what more is there to bring out?

Naturally, vehicles and locations.

The Turtles’ Party Wagon remains one of the finest action figure vehicles ever built. It could carry all the Turtles, had multiple accessories, and could have a figure sit on a spring-loaded seat that swung out. That’s just plain cool.

Seats not just Turtles.

But once you get the basics out of the way, where do you go from there? New variations of the Turtles, such as Leonardo in football gear, Michaelangelo dressed as a clown, Raphael in an army uniform, or Donatello as a D & D style dwarf.

Things just went insane.

I actually have a Farmer Mike figure that came with a tractor. And I loved it. I loved every single new figure that came out despite how absurd they became. Star Trek Ninja Turtles? It happened alright.

As a kid I was able to see past the obvious marketing campaign and just enjoy the figures because every new figure really did feel new. They’d always come with an assortment of weapons and gadgets that were totally different from anything else I’d gotten previously. And vehicles weren’t restricted by sense. Anything could be a vehicle and anything could be a figure. There was nothing too absurd, and that’s the way we liked it.

They don't make things this cool anymore.

The World Changes

Eventually, the original cartoon was canceled, so no new figures for a while. The live-action series on Fox spawned some new figures, but they didn’t last long. I did actually really love the new figures and snatched up the main characters once again. However, they couldn’t pull off variations in the same way. They just didn’t make me want to purchase a Turtle that looks the same exact with pants and a skateboard.

A few more years go by and then another new series comes along. More toys surface and fail to impress me. I’d pick up a new figure and say, “Meh, they just aren’t the same. My originals are better.” The nostalgia factor kicked in so hard that I couldn’t shake it off.

Classic Ninja Turtle action figures hearken me back to a better time filled with Nintendo cereal and Doug and Disney Afternoons and everything that was good and right with the world. A world where toys were creative and made to last.  The new figures are just…there.

A Ray of Hope

I’m happy to say that they have released some new Ninja Turtle action figures that I HAD to buy. Take a look at the figures based off the original comics. They’re awesome; there are no other words to describe them.  I received the set of 4 for Christmas. You can pick them up for a little over $40 at Amazon, though they’re getting harder and harder to find now.

We may never get back to an age where action figures could release the same characters in new outfits and make kids really, honestly want to buy every single variation, but at least there are the classics. You can buy a classic anniversary reissue for around $10 in stores; they are almost cool as the original.

But don’t forget to look at garage sales and flea markets, too. Best figures ever for under a $1. The Golden Age is still out there, but it requires you to go looking a bit.

Oh, and remember: Cowabunga!