The decade that started it all

Growing up the 1980s, mine was one of the first generations to have near unlimited options when it came to franchise toys, games and cartoons. That decade lays claim to some of the most iconic toy franchises in history, including Transformers, GI Joe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and, of course, He-Man and his little sister, She-Ra. Being surrounded by so many choices, all you could do as a kid was pick the one that had the coolest toys and the best cartoon, and that formula didn’t prove fruitful for He-Man. However, Masters of the Universe deserves some credit from a historical stand point.

He-Man and Skeletor in their prime.

Thank you, He-Man

We all owe the He-Man a lot when it comes to toys and cartoons. Masters of the Universe was one of the first cartoons that was produced pretty much for the sole purpose of selling toys to children. Some parental organizations took exception and called foul but we all know how that debate ended. Surprisingly enough, the reason many cartoons from that era had have the now famous PSAs was as a compromise with those groups. In the end, however, without the He-Man cartoon we wouldn’t have been blessed with the likes of Transformers or GI Joe or any of the countless other cartoons from that time…and without the cartoons there would be no toys.

See this kid. That's not me. It's Screech showing off his He-Man love.

Why He-Man failed as an action figure

I was not a fan of He-Man as a kid and that’s because neither the toys, nor the cartoon, were that appealing. I surrounded myself with GI Joes and Transfomers while my best friend next door had a toy chest full of He-Man stuff. I had a few He-Man figures that I received as gifts but they never got much play time because they just weren’t that cool. More often than not, my He-Man figures were portrayed as the evil giants in GI Joe land, partially due to their formidable size in comparison, but also due to their fantasy theme. I’m sorry but in a cage match between giant robots and a barbarian, the robots win hands down. And let’s say that if He-Man managed to survive a chair shot from Optimus Prime, Duke and the rest of the GI Joes would have swooped in and cleaned up the pieces left behind.

But He-Man did corner the market on well-sculpted mustaches.

Lets look at some of the obvious reasons why He-Man was a less than impressive action figure. First off, He-Man doesn’t have many joints and thus couldn’t really be put in many poses. Prince Adam and his buddies could only move their arms in one direction and only at the shoulder. They also didn’t have any knees to speak off, and they could only twist at the waist. So if you wanted Skeletor to kneel or even sit at the table like a good evil lord, he couldn’t do it. He-Man figures just weren’t as versatile as say, GI Joe figures, nor were they as well sculpted. With such limited movement, your own adventures in Eternia were stuck being wrestling matches. Of course, wrestling matches made sense because the figures were pretty big, so it was hard to have them play well with other action figures.

The zoo that was Masters of the Universe

Masters of the Universe also featured some of the weirdest characters that looked as good as they also confused. It seems that unless you were He-Man or Man-At-Arms, you were some crazy, hideous mutant with bizarre powers that weren’t really useful, even in fantasy land. For example, Mekaneck, whose awesome superpower was…a long neck. Yeah, that’s who I want in a fight, giraffe man. And who can forget Mantenna? His ability to make his eyes bug out most certainly struck fear into the hearts of men all around the universe. Even though He-Man’s cronies were ridiculous and unfun, several of them do deserve credit playing with our senses in ways that other figures did not. Figures like Moss Man and Stinkor not only gave our fingers something new to touch, but they also attacked our sense of smell…and Stinkor was a character that really earned his name, PU!

Man-E-Faces was one of the better figures but still big and inflexible.

Masters of the Universe did have some interesting vehicles, albeit few, but they were also quite ugly and otherwise unusable. Especially when you look at what GI Joe offered in terms of accessories and playsets, He-Man just doesn’t stand a chance. The Transformers had little in the way of accessories and vehicles…but wait…oh yeah, they were the accessories and vehicles! You could probably argue that Prince Adam “transformed” into He-Man, but to make that happen you had to buy both figures, so when it comes to bang for your buck, Transformers are the clear winner.

Important does not always mean better

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe was incredibly popular and important for millions of children around the world. The series deserves the utmost respect for ushering in the era of toy-shilling cartoons that is still chugging along today. However, just because you’re the first to do something doesn’t mean you’re the best, and when it came to the action figures and toys, He-Man just couldn’t keep up. I want to thank He-Man for everything he did for us, but  when I go into battle, I’ll be teaming up with Transformers and GI Joe.

Hallmark credits 16 individuals with “character development” in the credits of the 1985 Rainbow Brite movie, and out of that list two individuals appear to have been particularly critical to the line’s overall creation. Artist G. G. Santiago claims the lion’s share, stating she was the creator of the original Rainbow Brite collection. (She also created the My Little Kitchen Fairies figurines for Enesco). Another important name is Kora Oliver, who is listed in several places throughout the years of the line; not only in the credits for the 1985 movie but also as “Creative Consultant” on a second video from that year, and as the illustrator for the 2004 children’s book Rainbow Brite Saves Christmas.

Meanwhile, All in the Family and The Carol Burnett Show head writer Heywood “Woody” Kling wrote all of the formative episodes for the 1984 TV series: “Peril in the Pits”, “The Mighty Monstromurk Menace” and “The Beginning of Rainbowland”. He passed away shortly after completing these scripts, and later, his widow would file suit against the companies involved over creative credit and royalty issues. Rich Rudish was the character designer for the series, and directed a number of episodes, while the actual animation was done in Japan.

The original dolls were issued by Mattel in 1983 in several different sizes and styles. They’re still pretty affordable these days! All of the Color Kids were released as 11” dolls, which came with support “sprite” minidolls; most of these figures average about $25-55 in mint condition; considerably cheaper if loose and out of box.

Rarer are the 15/16” dolls, of which only four Color Kids (Rainbow, Patty O’ Green, Canary Yellow and Red Butler) were made. The cost nowadays is about the same as the 11-inchers, but they are said to be much harder to find. Four super-size 18” dolls, anywhere from $40-75 MIB, were made of Rainbow Brite, Patty O’Green, Shy Violet and Baby Brite (the Chibi-Usa of the RB line.) There are 12 soft and cuddly Sprite dolls too – 6 boys and 6 girls – and their prices are anywhere from $2-$50, depending on condition.

The horses (Starlite and Sunriser, suitable for crossover with Barbie figures) are actually much harder to find, and the late-series characters Moonglow and Tickled Pink are fairly difficult to find- don’t expect to locate them for anything less than $75, and that’s as loose figures.

The line has been recently (as of 2009) given a total overhaul – not only revamped and redesigned, but also simplified and streamlined by Hallmark and United Media. In the 80’s, there were seven unique Color Kids as well as Rainbow Brite and an army of Sprites – each representing each particular hue in the spectrum – and just one horse (Starlite), who was Rainbow Brite’s arrogant, prideful steed. The Color Kids, Sprites, and Rainbow protected Rainbow Land from the bumbling and histrionically evil Murky and Lurky, a pair of goofy evildoers from Rainbow Land’s ‘bad side of town’, the Pits. The original dolls were puffy and cute, but not very glamorous.

In the 2009 edition the line has been reduced to three figures, glammed up quite a bit and now more closely resembling the Bratz. The Color Kids are nowhere to be found, the Color Castle has been considerably redesigned, and Rainbow Brite, who Hallmark called a ‘toddler’ in the 1980’s version, is now considered to be anywhere from seven to ten- years-old. While she remains the guardian of all things color and rainbow related, relative newcomers Moonglow and Tickled Pink represent the night sky (moon) and dawn sky (sun). Each of the girls now has their own horse, which are each basically recolors of Starlite.

Except for Rainbow, all of the “new” characters appeared very briefly in or just after the release of Star Stealers, and never made a major impact in the original 80’s line, since they were introduced just as the original line was starting to peter out. It seems that movement and development on this version of the line has stopped. The fourth ‘Sky Power’ has still been left unnamed as of this writing in 2011, (speculation is that Stormy was meant to complete the group as the spirit of weather) and the official site has a sparse, under-populated feel.

Most of the reaction I found on the web to the new designs is profoundly negative. Hallmark has been left in the awkward position of having to deal with a frozen property. Nostalgia for the original has crippled the line from two sides: the 2004 re-release of the original dolls bombed because its look was outdated in the face of the modern market, and yet the same older collectors that refused to buy the re-releases also raged loudly and often at the redesign and refused to support it. Younger consumers simply had no connection to the line because they had no idea what it was – there was no support for it in other media except for a couple of honestly cheap-looking flash animations on the official site.

What a gloomy mess! 25 years later, is all that’s left of Rainbow Land to be just a lot of broken dreams? Don’t let it end this way, Hallmark!

“What if we can’t fix everything in time?” asked a nervous Twink. “We just have to,” answered Rainbow Brite. “Rainbow Land looks about as cheery as the Pits.”

Cassandra writes about media and randomness at her blog, cassandrapoe.com. She’s still looking for that magic key that turns any door into a gateway to Rainbow Land.

Want more on classic toys? Check these out:

-Vintage Robot Toys

-Spring-Loaded Serenade: Exploring Nerf

-Mr. Potato Head: Under the Tater Skin

It turns out there are a lot of them. A whole lot, especially if you go looking for ‘tin toy robots’. So I figured I’d just pick a handful of the more unusual ones I came across in my browsing to show today.

Remco 1969 Wizard of Oz Tin Man Robot

As soon as I saw him, I fell in love- and not just because he walks like a man! This toy is just all kinds of adorable, even if he’s more Tik-Tok than Tin Man, and not terribly accurate to either film or original illustrations. He radiates charm with his cute pink cheeks, inviting smile and wry eyes, and the detailing of the three rivets on his head is quite nice. His body clashes with his head, although the arms are also well designed, and if I had to guess, I’d say that manufacturer Remco may have taken another toy robot sculpt and added this Oz head to it.

Remco’s most notorious and sought after robot figure these days is their version of Robbie the Robot from Lost in Space; collectors have come to find that figure particularly desirable, and the value of an original Remco Robbie has jumped to almost $900 at some auctions. Remco hasn’t produced anything under their own imprint since Swat Kats in 1994; Jakks Pacific currently owns the company.

Gabriel 1978 Mickey Mouse Wind Up Robot

Mickey was manufactured by Gabriel in 1978. Gabriel Toys has an interesting history; they were purchased by CBS, the television network, and mutated into CBS Toys, a video game manufacturer, which distributed ColecoVision. Later the company was sold to ViewMaster, ultimately to become part of what is currently Mattel when ViewMaster was sold in turn.

This robot toy is interesting because by today’s standards it’d be considered “off model”- the eyes are too close together and too small in size, giving it an inauthentic feel. This seems unusual when Disney has been so notoriously obsessed with quality control of their merchandising and the maintenance of their mascot’s good appearance. The windup mechanism being inside a clear jacket is a cool touch, though.

Ideal Mr. Machine 1978 version

There’ve been several releases of Mr. Machine. The original dates back to the 60’s and rang a bell in addition to just walking. The original toy could be taken apart and reassembled, like a primitive K’Nex or a motorized LEGO set. At one time Mr. Machine was even Ideal’s company mascot! In an interesting and curious coincidence, Ideal was also sold to Viewmaster in 1987.

The 1978 reissue, of which this auction is one piece, was retooled heavily. Critical changes for child safety reasons were made, including making it so that the toy couldn’t be dismantled. Rather than ringing a bell and ‘sighing’, the 1978 release whistled “This Old Man” when wound up.

Cheng Ching 1970’s Space Warrior Robot

Ah, the delicious taste of hilariously obvious bootlegs. As this sort of thing goes, though, this one’s pretty entertaining, a combination of Darth Vader and an Imperial Stormtrooper that walks, rotates and presumably does not use Force powers to choke people. “Space Warrior” was manufactured in 1985 by Cheng Ching (also known as C. C. Huang), a Taiwanese company well known for thinly veiled knockoffs of figures from other lines.

For example, their Nebular Warlords line was blatantly “inspired by” Masters of the Universe – although I do quite like the fact that their He-Man figure, “Iron Man”, rides a rhino rather than an armored cat. They also created a strange hybrid of Dairugger and Voltron in 1985 and released three robots under the group name of The Botix Warriors.

Unknown 1970’s Diecast Japanese Transforming Robot Figure

And last, dear readers, I leave you with a mystery item. Just what the heck is this? I’ve done quite a bit of googling attempting to identify this strange pre-Transformers figure. I can’t even tell what the heck it’s supposed to be in its disguised mode – some kind of speaker? A cigarette case? The world’s oddest paperweight? Sadly, the images for the auction don’t reveal very much, giving no maker mark or model, and the robot itself is almost featureless.

All we know is that the toy is Japanese, originates around the same time as the first transformable toy figures and may either immediately date to or follow shortly after the same time period as Daiclone and Microman – though without the technical and artistic innovation of either. It’s years too early for Machine Robo as well, since that series began production in 1982. This rather more reminds me of the watch-transformables or the novelty Coke-can transformer – it’s got zero points of articulation to speak of, just a bendy neck and solid arms that go in and out of its sides. And why was it diecast? Not all toys get the diecast treatment after all, although it was much more common back then.

Have we found a Mesozoic changer, some lost and forgotten relic from the prehistory of transforming toys? Drop a comment if you can identify any aspect of this odd little changer.

Cassandra writes about media and randomness at her blog, cassandrapoe.com, and dreams of having her very own mysterious robot companion someday…

Want to read more articles about classic toys? Check these out:

-Forget-Me-Nots: My Lone Ranger Action Figure

-Mr. Potato Head: Under The Tater Skin

-The Plastic Wars: A Retrosepctive on Army Men

The best ideas really are the simple ones. Look at that funky-fresh font, too!

In 1969, an inventor by the name of Reyn Guyer approached Parker Brothers with an indoor volleyball idea. They weren’t interested in the game at all, but the soft foam ball that it included was a revelation. After all, how many parents would buy an inexpensive indoor toy that was safe for kids and mantelpiece chotchkies? A whole bunch of parents would. About four million, by the end of its debut year. Later on in toy history, Hasbro acquired Nerf when they bought out Tonka. Since then, Super Soakers (the fabled water gun that Chris and I have been squealing over) have been designated as Nerf products. I guess Hasbro has decided that a gun (Blaster) is a gun (Blaster, darn it).

While the original ball was made from polyurethane, the trademark foam that characterizes the product line has since been changed to a polyester mix with a special compound, and topped off with a carbon dioxide release. Sounds very scientifical, but it all amounts to one big detail: the carbon dioxide release is what causes the holes in the foam, making it light and soft.

Coming to a cubicle near you. Or possibly a waste basket, just to make file-destruction fun.

In 1972, a big staple of Nerf was released in the form of NerfHoop. Offices around the world became filled with cardboard-box backboards, plastic hoops, and ninnies trying to make a three-pointer from the water-cooler. Of course, they were shooting with a Nerf foam basketball.

This baby really brought new meaning to "long bomb." And it whistles...why not!

But the most lucrative toys to bear the Nerf name always will be the Nerf Blasters. Handheld toy guns, rifles, and even bow-and-arrows were developed primarily in the eighties. Each one fired foam darts, and came in gloriously bright colors.

My first Nerf Blaster. It had a super-secret barrel built into the grip...that they advertised on the side of the gun.

In the last few years, the Blasters have become so much more sophisticated, with entire arsenals being developed for more tactical battles. The Nerf N-Strike set now includes various beauties that still attract me in the toy aisles today. The genius of this product line is in the amount of customization and tactical choices that kids (of all ages, which includes me) can make.

There are different ammo types, ranging from slim, aerodynamic darts to flashy glow-in-the-dark ones to scare a burglar. Many of the N-Strike blasters come with rails for attachments (scopes, flashlights, extra ammo, etc.) and optional barrel extensions. Also, the folks over at Hasbro have finally eliminated the one drawback to Nerf Blasters: reload time. Instead of painstakingly gathering every dart, and loading each one manually into a Blaster—or worse, trying to find them in your pockets during a fight—the N-Strike rifles come with a hop-up magazine system. And every clip is universal for the other guns.

If there are two N-Strike weapons that really stand out, it is the Maverick pistol, and the Longshot C-6 sniper rifle.

The Maverick was a must-own for the dorky guys I hung out with in high school, because it is a Nerf revolver. That’s right, Dirty Harry is carrying foam ammo, suckers. Imagine the idiotic splendor of Russian roulette with Nerf. Yep, I did it.

Revolvers never go out of style. There's something romantic about them, even if they shoot foam darts.

As for the Longshot, I got so excited when I finally got to mess around with one. It has a bipod. It has a scope. It has a slot for an extra ammo clip. It also has a detachable barrel that becomes a back-up pistol. Did I mention that it works off of a spring-loaded bolt action, like a real sniper rifle? Don’t get me wrong, the scope and bipod are kind of rubbish, and the pistol part is useless, but any kid would be the proud owner of the three-foot-long behemoth.

I like to keep this one with me...for close encounters.

Kyle’s Big Idea: So, I’ve been kicking around the idea of a big, playful firefight with my buddies. Since laser-tag makes me sweat like Marlon Brando, and paintball is always full of jerks with their own equipment, I thought my future Bachelor Party should include an epic Nerf battle. This will be complete with slow-motion dodges, Oscar-caliber death scenes, and a mandatory Mexican Stand-Off. My arsenal will be thus: a Maverick revolver, an off-brand repeater rifle (made under the Air Blasters product name), and the newest N-Strike sniper rifle, the Longstrike CS-6.

Bah! Who came up with this?! Give that man a 21-dart salute...or maybe a 210-dart salute with this monster.

Why? Because we can. Now I have to practice my catchphrases from “Hot Fuzz,” since I’ll have enough firepower to rival an entire English village. Sure, I’ll get pelted a lot while trying to put on my sunglasses in a cool way, but that’s what Nerf teaches us: how to cope with being hit by projectiles…and how to hit that sucker back. Positive play, eh?

There he is. He could kick all of the butts.

We’ve hit our Friday of the week, and at the moment, Kyle and I are rather busy with some big things (we’re recording a separate, legit podcast with a very special guest). That means I’m going to keep today light and nostalgic, which lends itself to a Forget-Me-Nots, the segment Kyle came up with but we haven’t been doing enough with. For today then, join me as I remember one of my favorite toys as a youth: My Lone Ranger Action Figure.

Time for the timewarp. WOOSH! Okay, wavy lines and spacey music just kicked in, and now we’re in Chris’ childhood circa 1989. My grandmother, Grandma Barbara, probably one of the greatest grandmas the world has even seen, had one of the greatest rooms in the world known only as “The Toy Room.” You can probably surmise what was in this room, but for me, one of the coolest items was a simple Lone Ranger toy from even before I existed.

This is how he looked in my head.

The toy was nothing complex. Lone Ranger’s head could turn, his arms would move at the shoulder (though they were completely loose, so they couldn’t be put up and stay there), and his legs bent at the knee and the hip. Because his joints were so loose he could hardly even stand up, and he was missing his guns or his horse Silver, but for some reason I couldn’t get enough playtime with him.

I ended up taking the Lone Ranger toy from my grandmother, either by accident or design, and incorporated him into my daily routine. The most basic storyline I came up with involved the Lone Ranger and three G.I. Joes I owned, one of which was Lifeline. For the first few months I had the Lone Ranger fight the G.I. Joes until Lifeline became a good guy as well, making him my official Tonto. Does that make sense? Of course not, but I was five.

My plots were better than theirs.

As time went by, I eventually added more Joes to the mix, always as bad guys. More and more Joes showed up with new powers and such until I got one that looked like Chuck Norris, making him the ultimate villain, far beyond the Lone Ranger’s capabilities. This meant I had to add a new hero character, and because my child logic was unbiased, the only black Joe I had became the new most powerful and therefore coolest character in my storyline. I’d have the Lone Ranger hold back, instead just training the new guy (Lifeline was naturally jealous), until he had to step in and show he was still the strongest, ala Master Splinter. The Joes never did relent, but unfortunately my series was canceled before the final inevitable battle, so we’ll never know what happens.

While the Lone Ranger has become the Woody of my life, I know he’s still there in my closet should I ever decide to finish the fight. But there’s no way I’d ever let him go and pass him down to someone less than my own flesh and blood. Hopefully my son finds him as awesome as I did.

What're you lookin' at ya hockey puck?

He’s a staple of many childhoods. He’s a supporting character in a successful blockbuster series. He’s a family man. And he’s a snappy dresser, too. Mr. Potato Head has had a long history, and is one of the most famous and instantly recognizable toys in the world. How did this mustachioed vegetable rise to super stardom? Well, let’s take a look…under the tater skin.

A Starchy History

Back in 1950, toy inventor George Lerner devised a set of body parts that could be affixed to real vegetables in order to make funny little dolls. The pieces made their debut as a prize in breakfast cereal packages, and the lucky kids that received them had to find their own potato, yam, or other produce in order to put together a funny-faced man.

The concept really took off in 1952, however, when Lerner sold the idea to what would become Hasbro. The company released body part kits under the product name Mr. Potato Head, for $0.98 per kit. Kids still had to provide the potato, but the toy took off like a shot and sold over one million kits in that first year. This is due to Mr. Potato Head’s milestone marketing: the first toy to be advertised on television.

Fun fact, they actually tried to market Oscar the Orange and Pete the Pepper. For some reason, they didn’t catch on…hmm.

By 1953, Mrs. Potato Head was released, and a number of other variations surfaced. But it was in 1964 that the entire line of toys got a facelift. The molded plastic potato body was introduced, and food was no longer used for tomfoolery (or so parents thought). In 1975, unsurprisingly, the parts of the toy doubled in size to prevent children from choking on them. This sparked a sales boom from the toddler market, where ol’ Spud Head is found today.

Aw, he’s so jovial looking. Makes me want to cuddle with my baked potato before dinner…um, forget that last part.

The toy really hit a high point with the release of the first Toy Story film in 1995, in which he was a supporting cast member. Due to a marketing tie-in with Burger King, Mr. P.H. was also the hardest “kid’s meal” toy to find ever, as well as the spokes-spud for Burger King’s infamous change of their fry recipe in 1997.

These days, Potato Heads are offered in many varieties. In 2006, he was given a variety of careers and outfits like firefighter, chef, mermaid, and Santa Claus. Recent years have seen him dressing up like other Hasbro toys, with a Star Wars run of Darth Tater, Spud Trooper, and R2-POTAT-OO, and a Transformers-themed Optomash Prime and Bumble Spud. There’s also a Tony Starch (Iron Man), Taters of the Lost Ark (Indiana Jones), and even a Spider-Spud/Peter Tater variant.

Wow, that is high-concept. This is like one of the Funky Bunch dressing up as Marky Mark.

Yep, things look good for Mr. Potato Head, as long as he remembers to pack his angry-eyes, just in case.

Looking for a bit more on Mr. Potato Head? Then check out our follow-up here.

Want more articles about classic toys? Check these out:

-My Little Pony: A Retrospective

-Guys and Dolls: A Male’s Retrospective on Barbie

-The Privileged Childhood: A Power Wheels Retrospective

-The Yo-Yo and Why You Should Have One

-Forget-Me-Nots: Mutating Michelangelo

You can't get much more classic than this.

Kyle and I touched on the Super Soaker during Episode 5 of the Too Much Awesome podcast, as well as during Kyle’s list of his Unattainable Toys from youth, but it’s summer now and along with that has unfortunately come heat. Fortunately for us kids and adults pretending to be kids, the Super Soaker still hasn’t gone out of style. So prepare for war because Super Soakers are getting their just desserts today.

A Historical Account of the Water Armory

As Kyle mentioned, the original version of the Super Soaker was called the Power Drencher, and yes, he’s correct in saying the world would be a very different place if we all had Power Drencher 300’s or something. Power Drencher works better as a Gatorade line, not a toy. God bless the Super Soaker folks for the foresight.

So we know it was originally called the Power Drencher, but who invented it? Well, the Super Soaker’s inventor is a man named Lonnie Johnson, a man that also worked for NASA. Naturally, the guy who invents the world’s most popular water gun has also worked on space shuttles. Only makes sense. Anyway, Johnson looked at the basic design of squirt guns at the time and realized, “Hey, these suck,” so he came up with an inexpensive method to use manually pressurized water tanks instead of simple squeeze or squirt triggers. The results are, as we all know, awesome.

Awesome like this kid, who's clearly rocking eight degrees of hardcore right now.

The Choices When Arming Up

Taking a look at the official Super Soaker line over the years has confirmed to me that as a kid there was indeed a number system in place to differentiate size and water-usage for each particular Super Soaker. The standard was the Super Soaker 50, but as Kyle pointed out, he got the Super Soaker 30 because his dad was a jerk. I honestly don’t remember which size I had, but it was just the right size to deliver a powerful drenching. Oh, I see where the name came from. Okay, carry on.

Anyway, Super Soaker expanded its line to include bigger and better guns that improved both the durability of the material and provided better water reserves. Larger water tanks and extra bulbs were added on some models, as well as an instant-fill nozzle on the front, allowing you to attach a special Super Soaker-reloading cap on a garden hose and then press your gun tip-first into the attachment, quickly refueling you for your water-based battle.

This is the standard Super Soaker these days. I don't know, kind of feels like it's missing something. Maybe ugly yellows and greens?

I always thought the biggest Super Soakers were the coolest, but they were really ridiculous when it came to water consumption. The Super Soaker 1 Million seemed like a fantastical toy, but I saw it get used every so often and realized it probably wasn’t that cool. Unless you had a flash-refueling tip on it, you weren’t doing much once you ran out of water. Like you have friends that’ll refuel you mid-battle? I don’t think so.

Apparently there is a whole subculture of Super Soaker aficionados that know how to modify your Super Soakers to provide a change to your liking. For instance, a very basic mod has you breaking off the aperture that regulates water output, meaning you can shoot a whole tank of water pretty much instantly. Or perhaps a more advanced but extremely useful mod, removing the pressure relief value and sealing the gap allows you to increase your Super Soaker’s power. Then again, you could fashion a larger reservoir tank to allow for more water to be fired before refilling. It’s just staggering to think about.

Since it’s probably going to remain hot out there, I’d recommend picking up a Super Soaker or two. Right now the most popular version is the Super Soaker Wars Rattler Water Blaster, though there are tons of new models to look into depending on taste. Now all we need is a Nerf article. I think I’ll make Kyle do that next week.

Everyone has owned a PEZ dispenser at some time in their life.

Kids love candy and kids love toys. What better product to hit that core demographic than a candy dispenser that looks like a toy? Enter PEZ. Or rather, enter PEZ decades ago. After a bit of research, I have determined that PEZ is, and always was, awesome. What better place to talk about the toy candy dispenser than here at Toy-TMA? Grab your preferred PEZ flavor housed in your favorite cartoon character’s head and let’s get started.

A Delicious and Efficient History

As with all good articles (more or less), we should start with the basics and the history of PEZ. PEZ can trace its origins back to Austria in 1927. Yeah, that’s right, PEZ wasn’t even an American thing at all. In fact, PEZ gets its name from the German word for “peppermint,” Pfefferminz. The creator, a confectioner named Eduard Haas III, derived the name from the first, middle, and last letter of Pfefferminz, creating the strange yet wonderful word PEZ, usually spelled in all caps as I’ve been doing, so deal with it.

Although it’s difficult to imagine, PEZ didn’t always come in the dispensers we’ve come to know and love. PEZ first came packaged in small tins, similar to Altoids. Eventually the “regulars” type dispenser was created to look like a small cigarette lighter. The reason for this was because PEZ were marketed as an alternative to smoking. Add that to another reason why PEZ are great for kids.

I swear, these are for kids...I think. Was I talking about candy?

PEZ wouldn’t make it to the United States until 1952, and it still wasn’t until 1955 when someone got the idea to place heads on the top of the dispensers. As it turns out, PEZ had been marketed mostly to adults until then, but the shift towards the character heads placed the core demographic at children, as well as collectors. Pretty standard heads first appeared, such as Mickey Mouse and Santa Claus, but over the years more popular cartoons and icons have been ported over the candy dispensers.

Collecting Candy for a Living

That’s why you still remember what PEZ is today, though please note, PEZ inc still considers itself a confectionery company rather than a toy company. This, of course, hasn’t stopped collectors from paying exorbitant amounts of money for what amounts to a candy holder shaped like Bugs Bunny’s head. The highest price anyone’s ever paid for an official PEZ dispenser is $7,000 for a Mickey Mouse softhead model, apparently a factory prototype never released to the public. That’s $7,000. That’s a whole lotta candy tablets right there.

I wonder how much Seinfeld's PEZ dispenser went for...?

But do be careful in your quest to collect every and all PEZ dispenser. Because of the value and rarity of some dispensers, fakes have popped up everywhere. One guy paid $11,000 for what PEZ experts (don’t ask me who they are) later proved via chemical testing was a really, really well made fake. That’s the point I draw the line with collecting. Also, where do you get experts like this? Not a single science teacher I ever had mentioned that there was a career in PEZ as long as I kept my grades up.

Quick question: Who were the first people to be turned into PEZ dispenser heads? For the longest time, PEZ had a rule that they’d never make a character head based off of a real person’s features. That’s why the first three were Betsy Ross, Daniel Boone, and Paul Revere, mostly because their character heads probably didn’t look anything like them but just had accessories that let you know who they were. That was in the 1970’s, but in 2006 the Teutul family from Orange County Choppers where made as the first PEZ dispensers to be crafted after the likenesses of real people. Elvis would soon follow the next year, then the cast of Star Trek in 2008 and the cast of The Wizard of Oz in 2009. I don’t know who’s getting the PEZ treatment this year, but it could very well be the cast of Lost, if my intuitions are correct.

Guess which set I think are awesome?

The of moral of the story is, PEZ is great. Simplistic, yes, but very true. Plus, and PEZ will be happy to hear this, the candy is delicious as well. Heck, as a kid I’d routinely forgo loading the cartridge, choosing instead to just nosh on the whole pack at once. Who was gonna stop me? My parents? “Hey, at least I’m not smoking,” I’d say. And I still haven’t smoked to this very day. Thank you, PEZ.

Take away the slime, the Ghostbusters sign, and a few details, and you see my childhood. I just might buy it on ebay.

“What do you mean you gave it away!?” I screeched at my mother, the full complement of my nine-year-old lungs bursting forth in disbelief. She wouldn’t have. She couldn’t have.

She totally did.

My dear mother had made a grievous error by donating my Ghostbusters firehouse building to charity. Did she not understand that the firehouse could act as any building, for any game? It was the center of every game for my entire life at that point.

I remember clearly that my older brother and I staged an epic sequel to “Jurassic Park,” wherein the survivors from the original are trapped in that firehouse, and must escape the dinosaurs and make it to my father’s desk.

I’m 21 years old now. I don’t have much time to play, and what I do have is usually given to the Internet, video game systems, or my truck (Ford F-150, not Tonka). I miss the hours I spent on the carpet, peering into that hollow hunk of plastic and imagining all the things I could do in there, if only I could stay up later.

Thanks to the miracles of technology, I looked up my old buddy, the firehouse, on ebay. Just looking at it, I wish I could stage one more epic battle between my American Gladiators on the roof. The price isn’t even very high on some of the firehouses for sale, but I know I shouldn’t.

It’s a tragedy that I’ve grown up. I belonged on that carpet, making hushed explosion noises and wondering if I should become a professional idea man.  I don’t blame my mom for donating it. I do blame myself for growing up. What other toys do we all miss? What other toys defined our adventures as kids?

Who would win in a drag race between Matchbox and Hot Wheels?

I wrote an article last week about Hot Wheels cars, but upon posting it something started gnawing at me. While talking about Hot Wheels, I had completely neglected to mention Matchbox, the opposing brand. What makes this worse is that as a kid, I couldn’t distinguish between the two as both brands made little toy cars. They still do of course, so it’s only fair that I give you the other side of the story.

The Other Big Name In Toy Cars

What is the key difference that separates Matchbox cars with Hot Wheels cars? As far as I can tell, one has an imprint on the bottom that says “Matchbox” and one has an imprint that says “Hot Wheels.” This does not by any means imply that I believe one to be a knock-off or inferior or anything. Heck no, both brands are awesome and as a kid I was perfectly happy getting either. I happened to get most of my toy cars as hand-me-downs though, so it didn’t make much of a difference as long as the cars had wheels.

If I had to make a sweeping generalization about the differences, I’d say that Hot Wheels tend to be more fantastic in nature, emphasizing designs that are impossible such as a stegosaurus or a torpedo car, whereas Matchbox was more concerned with real world vehicles like ambulances and police cars. The playsets seemed to reflect this as well since I remember having Hot Wheels tracks meant for jumps but Matchbox sets like a city landscape or a triple-decker parking garage.

Don't ask me why, but I always thought realistic cars were just as cool as dragon cars.

The important thing about all of this is that more brands mean more variety, and I already noted Hot Wheels’ incredible number of different vehicles to choose from. Matchbox may have even more than Hot Wheels if we’re talking variety of collectibles, but either way, it makes it even easier to have a collection entirely original to you and no one else.

One thing that I find really cool about Matchbox is the official website makes reference to the 100 new cars released this past year. Yes, 100 new cars to collect. They even provide a checklist for the hardcore collectors, and with a 20-car pack being priced at $19.99, that sounds like a fair challenge for the year. You’d be so lucky to only spend a C-note on toys each year.

I remember the time my uncle gave me an old tackle box filled with all the Matchbox cars he had as a kid. Some were busted pretty badly, but the majority were in perfect working condition. This equaled an awesome time of taking each car out of the tackle box and checking out what it was. Parents, make sure to pass down your toys as soon as possible to your kids. Few things are more enjoyable for the kid.

There is certainly something to say for simplicity.

Do you have a favorite Matchbox car from your youth? Can you tell the big difference between Matchbox and Hot Wheels from a distance of twenty feet? Do you prefer one or the other? I want to know your thoughts. Leave a comment and I’ll get back to you once I’m done checking out my collectibles.

These are a bit newer, but still cool.

We’ve been over how much I love Ninja Turtles at least twice. You may also remember a long while back I had a thing or two to say about the G.I. Joe toys based on the movie. But it’s taken me this long to realize that what I really need to do is talk about the real G.I. Joes and why they rival Ninja Turtles for Greatest Action Figure status. Ready? Oorah!

The Second Greatest Action figures of all Time

I have to come clean about this here: I didn’t own a ton of G.I. Joes when I was a kid. I had a few, such as a Lifeline I got from a mail-in cereal thing, and a high-ranking sort of guy whose name I can’t for the life of me remember or find on the internet. You want to know what figure from my G.I. Joe plotlines I used the most? A Lone Ranger action figure I swiped from my grandma. Yup, for some reason, I had the Lone Ranger fighting G.I. Joes on a regular basis. I had turned every G.I Joe into a villain (except for Lifeline, who was the Lone Ranger’s incompetent sidekick) despite the fact that they were branded as Real American Heroes. And they were still awesome.

I had this, minus the horse and guns. Yup, somehow made him lamer yet cooler.

I had a total of two official G. I. Joe figures for much of my childhood, plus two full-size dolls. I also had a few off-brand G. I. Joes that you wouldn’t be able to tell apart from the real thing, and that got me by just fine. Also, of course, I had a friend with dozens of the real thing, so any time we got together it was an hour of deciding who gets to play with which figure in which vehicle at which base with what weapons, giving us maybe a few minutes of playtime, tops. And once again, they were still awesome.

Tons of Variety, Only One Childhood

That’s one thing that appealed to me most about the Joes: The amount of variety in play. There were tons of vehicles and weapons to mix around and give to whomever you felt. While none of the Joes could really grip anything worth a darn, it was still cool to hand a sniper rifle to the medic and place him in a tank. All of my G.I. Joe-related stuff came from garage sales and things my grandma found in her day-to-day of finding awesome things for me to play with. Pretty sure that was her day job. At one point she gave me a G. I. Joe tank she found at a garage sale that somehow transformed into a fortress. It was broken and the pieces were just in a bag all willy-nilly, but that didn’t stop me from reassembling it and finding some use. Than again, what kid can’t figure out how to convert something into a tank? Honestly?

Heck, I made Lifeline seem cool. Behold the wonder of a child's imagination.

So what was my favorite thing about G. I. Joes? They have the perfect level of articulation. Seriously, those things are built with kids at heart. The midsection was the best part of this articulation since it gave such smooth move-ability as it used a rubber band to hold the torso and the legs together. The downside was that it used a rubber band to hold the torso and the legs together. One of my proudest moments came when I repaired a broken Chuck Norris-looking G. I. Joe with a standard rubber band I found. He went from being a standard evil character that couldn’t move to the strongest, most dangerous character in my plots.

I can’t really pinpoint what it is about G. I. Joes that everyone loves so much as my experience is limited to what I grew up with. Still, I want to know what other people did as kids, or even now. What was your favorite aspect about G. I Joes? Did you have a whole army or just a lone soldier? Or did you absolutely hate the Joes? Even if you don’t currently own a Joe, you could get one for under $10. When you have a memory to retell, leave a comment and let me know.

Also, I’m proud that I went a whole G. I. Joe article without using the phrase “Go Joe!” Oh wait…dang it.

Simple Fun Without Limits

So what made and still make Hot Wheels so great? Not to sound too crass, but they’re extremely cheap. You can get a pack of 10 for under $15, and a lot of stores will sell them individually for 99 cents. Even better is the sheer amount of models to choose from. You and your friend could each own three-dozen cars and only have two that look identical. This means that every kid has a chance to have a unique set of cars best suited for his or her personality (sure, girls like Hot Wheels, too).

Sweet Glavin! This 10 set has a motorcycle?! I would have killed for a motorcycle Hot Wheels as a kid.

What did I have? I had a few cars that I absolutely loved, but my favorite for some reason was a beat up old Jeep that had a hood that could open. I had entire plotlines that involved this Jeep fighting other cars, just because it was my favorite and clearly the hero among my other cars. It had a posse of several other, “cooler” cars, but nothing could outclass my Jeep, not even the Mach 5 from Speed Racer or a car shaped like a dragon. Nope, the Jeep was my favorite.

Yeah, I'd be happy if I could race cars through a shark all day, too.

They also make great gifts for your dad.

I’m taking another day off video games to go into one of my favorite things from my childhood: Die-cast cars. The term can be applied to a lot of things, such as Hot Wheels and the like, but I actually won’t be bringing Hot Wheels into this since, well, that makes for an article in of itself sometime next week. Okay, not the classic thought of what makes a car a Hot Wheels car at least. I can’t lie, I’m talking about the most popular die-cast cars right now, so Hot Wheels are going to show up in some way or another.

Hot Wheels Showing Their Stuff

How are they showing up? The highest selling die-cast cars at the moment are Hot Wheels toys based off Disney and Pixar’s movie Cars. Y’all might be familiar with that movie, but if you’re not, the whole premise is centered around a car named Lightning McQueen that wants to be the DinoCo official car by winning all sorts of races. So pretty much the whole world is populated by cars. It’s actually a really good movie with Owen Wilson playing Lightning McQueen. The odd thing here is that the most popular die-cast car isn’t Lightning McQueen; it’s Mater, the junky tow truck voiced by Larry the Cable Guy. I…I don’t make these things up. I wouldn’t make that up if I could.

I guess I can't make fun. My favorite die-cast car was a beat up old jeep.

So what else is popular these days? Star Trek. That means the USS Enterprise is getting bought by the galaxyful in the form of a 1:50 scale model on a nifty little display stand. If I had one of those as a kid, I’d have done nothing else but run around my house flying it from the kitchen to the living room and beyond. I was never into Star Trek at any point of my life, but anything that could fly was considered awesome to me. I assume the same still holds true for kids everywhere.

Something a Bit More Classic

Thus far we’ve had die-cast toys based off talking cars and space ships. There’s an actual car in the die-cast model best sellers, right? You’re dang right there is. High up on the list is the Burago-made Lamborghini 1:18 scale model, met closely by the 1957 Chevy Corvette made by Yat Ming. Kids that want these models are just classy folk and know style. If a kid walks up to his grandpa and says he wants a 1957 Chevy Corvette die-cast model for his birthday, I guarantee it’ll make that man weep tears of joy. I know it’d have that effect on my grandpa at least, and he’s awesome.

This is the USS enterprise, not a 1957 Chevy Corvette. If you can't tell the difference, I've severely over-estimated this generation.

All of these cool-sounding die-cast models must cost a fortune, right? Wrong. Everything I’ve mentioned here is priced under $30, with some, like the Mater toys from Mattel, priced under $6. Kids wanting a die-cast model of something are well within modesty when they request such an item, so treat ‘em well. Stay tuned next week for a larger article on Hot Wheels. Better go out and stock up in preparation.

Oh yeah, forget those video games because things just got awesome.

I’ve been hung up on video games a lot lately, and I apologize for that. There’s just been an abundance of games getting released in such a short time frame. Plus, it sounds as if half the US has been snowed in for a while. To make up for all this sitting around in front of the TV, I think it’s time to take a look at the complete opposite here and talk about getting those kids outside and on something that moves. No, not a car, not even a bike, but one of these handy active outdoor toys. Grab your helmets and kneepads and let’s talk about some popular ride-on toys.

So first off, the products I’m about to bring up are entirely safe for your child, but there will no doubt be numerous scrapes and bruises caused by using said products. Don’t worry! This is actually a good thing! Why, when I was a child, I’d injure myself on a regular basis. You ask any parent and they’ll tell you they nearly destroyed themselves as a child with the amount of outside activity they participated in, but would they change it? Of course not. Like I said, remember the helmet and you should be fine.

Some Toys Never Go Out of Style

Some of you might remember the big Razor Scooter craze that set in a few years back. Did you know that Razor Scooters are still one of the highest selling ride-on toys at this moment? It makes sense, too, as the lightweight scooters are only around $50 and provide simple entertainment for the energetic kid. I had one a few years back and found it to be pretty snazzy, despite my lack of skillz. It is a great way to get exercise and encourages families to go to parks and wander around for a bit.

Expect your kid to build at least one ramp after getting a Razor Scooter.

You want to know another ride-on toy I’m happy is still selling well? Radio Flyers. Heck yes. Also known as a little red wagon, the Radio Flyer brand is just built to withstand the test of time. Every kid worth his snuff needs a Radio Flyer at some point for either transporting mischief or racing down steep inclines towards doom and more scrapes. And that’s the way we liked it! A no-hassle Radio Flyer can price just under $80 if you know where to look.

For the more advanced kids out there, the option of the magnificent pogo stick is readily available to increase the chance of phenomenal wipeouts. Pogo sticks can cost anywhere from $30 to $150, but as long as it pogos you’re in for fun/frustration. The only thing deadlier on a frustration level is a paddleball toy.

If you can figure this thing out, congrats, you've surpassed me as a true kid.

I don’t particularly care what you’re riding as long as it’s outside away from TV’s and such. Oh, and no cheating kids! The iPod counts as a TV if you have videos on it, so no using those either! Time for fresh air and scrapped knees. If I don’t see more scraped knees by the end of the week, I’m going to be disappointed in each and every one of you.

Like a shadow rising from the mist, army men shall never die.

I like toys. I know, we’re talking revelation of the year here. I’m also a guy, so typically whatever toys I’m playing with are required to have some sort of firepower or at least look like they are capable of fighting either each other, or some other toy I have yet to purchase but will feel the need to as soon as I see it. I’ve mentioned that G.I. Joes are the perfect action figures and that Ninja Turtles are the coolest, but I want to go even more old school than those. I’m talking zero points of articulation, absolutely no accessories or outfits or anything. How could a toy still be awesome after all that? Aha, I’ve got you now don’t I? How about if I’m talking a whole squadron of toys? Yeah, let’s talk plastic army men.

The point of the little green (or grey or red or whatever color suits you) men is not regarding pose-ability but rather sheer quantity and simplicity of the design. You can go out right now and pick up a few dozen army men for somewhere in the vicinity of one dollar, pull them out, and start playing immediately. No set up is required and no location is too obscure to wage impossible wars. Kitchen? Perfect. Bathtub? Aquatic misadventures. Cat box? Strange, but you do what you’ve got to do. But to get the full effect of the war you really need a whole sea of the little guys, so drop a ten-spot and load up.

I always liked the way army men each had a personality to them. Sure, you have the standard rifle-toting version, but those came in guys with the rifle sling over their shoulder, aiming straight ahead, crouched while aiming, crouched and aiming downward, aiming up and back, and who knows what else. You’ve got guys with grenades, guys with radios, guys with mine detectors, and guys that look like they do all their work solo with a handgun and a face so grizzled you can sharpen steel on it (I like to think I’d be that guy in the army men world).

There is a lot to do with your plastic soldiers beyond just placing them and enacting whatever battles you’d most like (such as Grizzled McGrizz fighting EVERYONE). I’ve found that they work very well as markers for whatever game you may be playing (add an army man to Candy Land and watch your sister squirm), or even place them on a world map and have an interactive history lesson about World War II (in which Grizzled McGrizz fights EVERYONE). Okay, yes, you can also melt them, explode them, and generally mutilate them, but should you? Should you really? All right, just ask your parents first before using the microwave.

I was lucky to find a set of army men that came with small plastic tanks, helicopters, jeeps, and fighter jets. There were also USA flags and German flags and all sorts of other nations, meaning that my war could be even more elaborate than just the typical run-of-the-mill ground assault. I’m curious if they have boats anywhere.

Something I always wondered as well is if someone ever made an army man playset of some kind similar to something you’d see in G.I. Joes but less complicated, like a battleground floor mat with bunkers and such that you could set up and hide soldiers behind. And then add some structures and traps like nets and catapults (or trebuchets for our hardcore medieval brethren). I want to know if this exists, and if not, why? Also, my patent is pending should it turn out to be the latter.

What I’m really advocating for at the moment is a good old-fashioned get-outside-and-play-in-the-dirt. Army men were built for punishment. That’s why you get so many of them and people have to go through the trouble of exploding them to cause any significant damage. You can literally lose an entire packet of army men in the sand and not feel as if you’ve lost something irreplaceable. You will however feel like you’ve lost your best friend, but only until you go by another bag at the dollar store.

Grab your sled and get out the door already.

Winter is fast approaching, and if you’ve been paying attention you may have noticed that the temperature outside has dropped to something near “Why can’t I feel my feet?” levels. That can only mean one thing: Snow will be here soon. That also means that your kids (and hopefully yourself) will be outside playing in the snow rather than situated in front of a TV screen. I’m all for video games, but when there’s snow, dang it, there is playing to be done!

Now, with snow you get the inevitable snowball fight. It’s important for kids to be prepared to defend themselves at a moment’s notice from balls of compacted frozen water being hurled from any and all directions.

Luckily it isn’t difficult to create your own snowball, but might I suggest an alternative that could possibly be considered cheating? Try out the Snow Baller, a tool used for making perfect snowballs and then launching them greater distances than your puny arm can muster alone. Plus, no frozen hands, so when your opponents are losing fingers from frostbite, you’re still raining frosty death upon them from a safe distance.

Even better though: The Snowball Blaster! Make three snowballs at once and fire it with lethal accuracy. You won’t have any friends left once you’re done, but who needs friends when you have a snowball gun?

Who needs friends when you've got one of these?

If war isn’t something you find particularly engaging, why not sled down a hill or two? There are tons of options for how best to coast along the top of a snowy incline, with standard sleds, snow discs, or snow tubes. There’s an item for just about anyone’s monetary needs here, so pay attention. The classic wooden sleds with steel runners will run you between $70 and $90, but sometimes you can’t beat a classic.

However, no one said you needed to be fancy. Do you have a shovel? Sit on the shovel part and away you go. Then again, if you’d rather not go too cheap but still want a real item with the purpose of sledding on snow, there’s always a handy snow disc, which range from $5 to $20 depending on size and brand stickers. Pretty much anything with a smooth surface can be converted into a makeshift sled, so the sky’s the limit (or should I say, the “ski’s” the limit? No, I shouldn’t).

See, pretty simple design to replicate.

All of this sledding is great, but what if you would rather be on a motorcycle? Okay, kids shouldn’t ride around on motorcycles, least of all when there is snow and ice everywhere, but low and behold, Wham-O, the company behind most of the items on this list, have also developed something called the Snow Hog, a thing that looks somewhat like a motorcycle sled. Honestly, if I were still a kid (which I am), I’d want to have one of these. The deluxe model will only run you between $50 or $60 depending on where you look.

Yeah, I'd really kinda like one of these.

But maybe racing down hills and attacking loved-ones with snow isn’t something you enjoy. Perhaps something more stationary, yet more elaborate than just constructing a snowman? There’s always the Snow Art Kit for the creative kids among us (which happens to be most kids out there). Even if you’d prefer to just make that snowman, the Snow Art Kit can assist with accessorizing so that your snowman is the most fabulous in the neighborhood.

Oh how darling. I mean manly. How manly and darling. Just go outside and play.

Always remember proper snow attire when playing in these winter wonderlands. Thick gloves, warm hats, galoshes, and most certainly long johns are important to suit up in, not to mention a good coat. However, parents, don’t bundle your kids so tight they can’t move a la The Christmas Story. They need that ease of flexibility if they’re expected to have any sort of a chance in a snowball fight or drifting around embankments.

Mutagen Man just barely didn't make the cut. So who did?

A while back I did an article about my favorite action figures of all time: Ninja Turtles. I hardly scratched the surface regarding what they did with the Turtles. Some of the toy line saw awesome Turtles. And then there are these, the 10 Most Ridiculous Ninja Turtle Action Figures.

10. Sergeant Bananas:

This gorilla is actually a ranking officer. Note the banana gun, as if you didn't expect that.

When the Ninja Turtles were hitting their peak, every year saw new figures added. But for the most part we weren’t just getting the same characters in different outfits. We actually saw a lot of new characters added purely for the toy line. Sergeant Bananas is one such example. Now there are so very many mutated animals, like a giraffe that plays basketball or an elephant witch doctor, but what sets Sergeant Bananas apart is his blatantly unoriginal name. He’s a gorilla that also happens to be in the army. “Meh, let’s call him Sergeant Bananas.” This is about as normal as things stay.

9. Muckman:

Take notice of the clothes pin on his nose. He's so disgusting he can't stand himself.

Muckman is described as “Tolerating the Turtles,” which sounds like he’s just kinda there most of the time. He’s basically a rotting garbage man and he reminds me a whole lot of the Toxic Avengers. I wouldn’t be surprised if they intended a Ninja Turtles/Toxic Avengers crossover that never went through. Nothing sounds cooler than playing with a compost heap action figure, right?

8. Dwarf Don:

If you ever wanted a Ninja Turtle with a beard, bam, wish granted.

There were a few figures made for a set of I suppose you could say “Barbaric” Ninja Turtles with Leo, Bebop, and Rocksteady all being barbarian warriors of some sort. However, Donatello got the short end of the stick and was cast as the dwarf. It’s strange because I remember there being a mini-comic packed in with this figure that set up a story that included Mike as a knight, but there was no Knight Michelangelo for some reason. I was always disappointed by that.

7. Spock Don:

Technically First Officer Donatello, but you know better.

Yes, there was a Star Trek/Ninja Turtles crossover toy line with the four turtles dressed as the main four characters from Star Trek. Odd that they didn’t have Shredder dressed as a Klingon or something, but no matter. I could include all four of the Star Trek Turtles here, but just seeing Donatello with Vulcan ears puts things over the top.

6. The Mutant Raph:

Of course he's a mutant! It's the second word in TMNT!

For a few years there were also a bunch of crossover figures with Ninja Turtles and Universal Studios Monsters. Some of them were really cool looking, like the Swamp Thing Leo, but something about The Mutant Raph was overly silly. I was always annoyed because he had some cool accessories but his claws didn’t hold them very well, so they’d just sort of slip around in his grip. Regardless, he was still a fairly cool action figure, but that’s only because any figure with claws was considered cool.

5. Tie: Killer Bee/Needle Nose:

Bee with a chainsaw...

...or mosquito with exhaust pipes? Too tough to call.

I can’t decide here which is more ridiculous. On one hand the Foot Clan has a giant bee with a chainsaw and a seat for a Foot Soldier to hitch a ride. So what’s the Turtles’ answer to a giant bee? A giant mosquito, apparently. Just the thought of a mosquito that large freaks me out to no end. What if Shredder could manufacture thousands of these giant bugs? Why wouldn’t he do that all the time? Even weirder, Needle Nose has a windshield to protect the Turtles from I’m assuming gunfire and smaller bugs splattering them in the face. Something about that just seems wrong.

4. Crazy Clown Mike:

Sure, because we needed a mutant ninja clown at some point.

Ninja Turtles are cool. Clowns are not cool. So when you mix the two, which attribute shines through more? Well, in this case the clown half is more apparent, making this one strange thing to see. If you got this one as a gift (and I did), how did you play with him? Did he attack the Foot Clan with his arsenal of balloons and a pie? Oh, and don’t forget his legs extended as well. I’d think Shredder would just be terrified of this one. A clown ninja does have a scary factor to deal with.

3. Bandito-Bashin’ Mike:

Because all Mexican stereotypes have little cactus buddies.

Okay, Ninja Turtles were putting themselves in any manner of themed costumes, with the two biggest being military garb and athletic uniforms. But then along came the Wacky Wild West line with Donatello the cowboy, Leonardo the Indian chief, Raphael the frontier scout, and Michelangelo the…bandito-basher, whatever that is. The amount of racism here is just over-the-top.  He’s obvious a Mexican stereotype. He even has a knife made from a chili pepper. His weapon is a chili knife! What the heck?! There’s no way this would fly these days.

2. Farmer Don:

Forget the Foot Clan! What about the corn?!

I had Farmer Mike who came with a tractor, a shovel, and a pitchfork. I liked him a lot, but I had no clue there was a Farmer Don as well. Let me tell you, Farmer Don made Farmer Mike look awesome. That should be enough to tell you how absurd this action figure is. Donatello even has a corn-cob pipe in his mouth and a crow with a wife-beater sitting on his tractor. There are no words. And this is only number two. So what’s the most ridiculous Ninja Turtle action figure?

1. My First TMNT:

AHHH!!!

The product description explains that the doll is filled with warm water to make it feel “alive.” Action figures are supposed to be cool representations of boyhood fantasies. They should have weapons and vehicles and general chaos surrounding their features. “Warm” and “wiggly” are not adjectives I would use to pitch an action figure to kids unless the action figure is some sort of worm or snake. Just the thought of bathing Raphael is creepy on levels I’m not ready to deal with quite yet and it tops my list for most ridiculous.

So that’s my list. Did you see some of your favorite Ninja Turtle actions figures up there or do you think I missed some? Let me know with a comment or two. There’s also a good chance I’ll give a run-down of the 10 coolest Ninja Turtle action figures, but who knows?

Whether this no-battery change is due to penny-pinching or an environmental awareness shift is uncertain.

While electronic toys still placed in this years Toy Fair, some categories looked like we had stepped back thirty years.  For instance, the “Girls Toy of the Year” was announced as Playmobile’s Girl’s Horse Farm.  This new set is based on toys that were in production when I was a kid.  They toy frees up girls imagination, with nary a blinkering light.

Why the change?  Parents have been listening to Tickle-Me-Elmo & his giggling chair for so many years that the quiet noises surrounding an art easel or a puzzle can seem strange at first.  The price tag on the popular items in recent years has often been overwhelming as well.  According to reports, most vendors at Toy Fair this year kept the prices down so that they’d have more sales, and in order to do that they often left off the fancy technology.

All this technology can be fun while it lasts, but once something internal goes wrong, the toy is often tossed out with the garbage.  However, When a hot new product in the toy industry doesn’t have a bit of technology it allows the child to engage that often under-exercised muscle: the imagination.

Is the trend in toys moving more toward simplicity and away from the overwhelmingly complex toys?  Only time will tell if vintage toys are more than just a fad.

Now that the classic toys are back in the forefront in a marketing perspective it will be interesting to see just how the children react to the lack of tech-fancy gadgets.  There is a generation of parents (and grandparents) now that are buying the nostalgia toys from their childhood, and introducing the children to some unplugged playtime.  Toy trains, puzzles, and construction sets may soon fill the living room floors across the country.

Maybe we can all unplug enough to sit down and enjoy a classic board game with kids and friends from time to time as well.  Not only would it make us take some time away from all the negative economic news, but also we might actually have some fun while we’re at it.

Melissa and Doug have hundreds of toys, but most of their toys can be put into easy-to-remember categories.  To help you navigate their vast toy empire, here is a breakdown of my favorite toy categories from Melissa and Doug:

Arts & crafts:  While a necessity for any household, arts and craft items can be annoyingly difficult and messy.  With the M&D items I have found the instructions on the craft items easily understandable and the options include stamps, beads, and painting.  My favorite:  an art easel that adjusts as my kid grows (plus, it keeps her from coloring on the dining room table).

Classic toys:  These are wooden toys such as blocks, or that hammer and peg workbench you had as a kid, as well as lacing items (great for quiet car rides).  The items withstand the poundings of a three year old easily and still manage to look good after a beating.

Puzzles:  I LOVE these puzzles.  Once we moved beyond their wooden puzzles I was equally impressed with the floor puzzles, both the designs offered as well as the quality.  The variety in the number of puzzle pieces is also a great thing since the increased challenge keeps the kids occupied.

Puppets:  The variety offered from hand puppets to marionettes to “full size” puppets is going to allow us to grow into some of the larger, more coordination-challenging styles.  The detail on these items is often quite stunning.

Play food:  This is perhaps my daughter’s favorite item.  She will spend a good hour preparing dinner for people with the cutting food, bringing us our sandwiches and apple slices.  The food uses hook and loop fasteners to stick together and is put together in such a way that she could figure it out even at 2 years old.

The motto of Melissa and Doug is to create educational toys that are heirloom quality.  In my book, I would have to say that they’ve wildly succeeded.

Vintage Batman Robot

One area that has been particularly influenced by this has been toys.
Nowadays it seems as though everything is vintage or retro.  It is true, styles of previous times have been coming back with a vengeance.  Everything from clothing to contemporary décor has been influenced by this throwback. The vintage wave can be characterized in two different ways: modern twists on vintage looks and the surge in collector’s items. Not only are modern toy manufacturers these days making new versions of the toys from yesteryear, but the market for vintage toys has also skyrocketed.

Try an Ebay search for a huge selection of vintage toys. (Hint: try “classic toys”)

Everything from classic tin toys to classic star wars toys to vintage tonka trucks and toys are in high demand these days so here’s a breakdown of some major categories and popular toys.

Classic Toys Made Modern

You can find manufacturers today making all sorts of old standards. Classic toys like rubber chickens, x-ray goggles, and whoopee cushions are still made and sold in a variety of gag and party stores.  Other manufacturers have dedicated themselves to making replicas of toys that were once very popular.

One example of this is tin toys.  These include wind-up robots, planes, and automobiles.  Inspired by classic Americana, Schylling, for example makes many of these colorful toys for the younger generation.

Another popular classic is the erector set.  First made in 1911, this feat of kid engineering still helps growing minds today. Toy companies have even taken to replicating old-fashioned pedal cars.  These retro baby toys look in like the real Model T’s, roadsters, and Jalopies, but they’re made today in compliance with modern safety standards.

Wood Toys Always Valuable

Classic wood toys are also regaining popularity.  Toys like Lincoln logs and wooden trains are still as exciting to today’s kids as they once were decades ago.  Companies like Melissa and Doug are still making ever-popular Pound-a-peg, pickup sticks, and even tabletop baseball with vintage baseball design.

Perhaps the oldest toy still in production today, the abacus, still delights babies and toddlers alike.  These sturdy wooden toys have maintained their appeal since the 1920′s. Because of their enduring appeal to kids of all generations they’ve managed to survive developing technologies and fads.

Collecting Vintage Toys

Collecting vintage toys is also gaining in popularity.  The new user- friendly Internet bidding sites has made it increasingly easy for collectors to exchange and sell their vintage toys thus crafting the collection of their dreams.  Each decade has its own sub-genre.

Some popular categories include Betsy Wetsy, a classic doll made in 1934 and popularized in the 40′s and 50′s,  circus-themed toys, which are cut outs and representations that come together to form an entire circus scenery complete with characters and animals, and classic Barbie dolls, ranked by their date, outfit, and condition, of course. Even vintage board games like Shenanigans, made in 1966, have their spot on collectors’ radar.

Star Wars Toys – The Ultimate Collectibles

Perhaps the most collectible of the retro toys are vintage Star Wars toys.  Everything from playing cards, to action figures, to costumes and bits of vintage advertising, the Star Wars vintage community has a wide reach.

With an intricate inner hierarchy that determines the value of a particular item, the Internet is a great resource for finding that one particular toy or perhaps making a little cash off of attic finds. Other popular vintage action figures include: comic book action figures such as Batman or Superman, cartoon action figures, and even G.I. Joes.

Be it classic star wars toys, vintage 1970s toys, or even modern yet retro toys, it is clear that this fad has made a name for itself in the toy community.  Not only does this provide a cheerful reminder of a fading childhood, but the persistence of these items speaks to way in which they have been able to relate to kids just being kids.

Try an Ebay search for a huge selection of vintage toys. (Hint: try “classic or vintage toys”)