Are you ready to hear some memories of the greatest story ever told? Too bad, 'cause here I go!

If there’s any series I love more than Mario, it’s the Legend of Zelda. I’ve been a fan for years now and I’m guaranteed to play each new title as it comes out, regardless of my preference for the art style or any other factors. I just have to play me some Zelda. Well, as predicted, Nintendo showed off the new Zelda title at E3 this year, the Skyward Sword, and I’m pretty excited. So much so that I decided to give my own little Zelda retrospective. So here it is, grab your magic bags and Master Swords and let’s take a trip to Hyrule.

The Legend of Zelda (1986):

It looks so simple these days, doesn't it?

The very first Legend of Zelda game for the NES was a game-changer in terms of how a video game should be played. The world map was huge for its time and the puzzles were complex. You were forced to think and try different solutions in order to advance. I, however, didn’t play this as a kid. I played this much, much later once I had the Zelda Collector’s Edition for the GameCube, and would you like to know my final death count? 187. That’s pathetic. I know I’m better than that, but even worse, there’s no way I can understand how anyone was able to beat this game prior to the internet having world maps and walkthroughs because some things you’re expected to know are stupidly difficult to solve. Still, the music was excellent and had a special power over me. Without realizing it I’d start singing along with actual lyrics whenever I played, but as soon as the game turned off I couldn’t remember the lyrics I’d been singing. It’s a secret to everybody.

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (1987):

Honestly, I think this was better than the first game.

After the success of the first Zelda title, a sequel was insured, but Miyamoto did what he always seems to do and decided to change the formula completely. Now, instead of a top-down view, Link was placed in a side-scrolling action platformer. Fans were not happy with this one and many consider it the worst game of the series. I, conversely, loved it. This was another one that I first played when I got that awesome Collector’s Edition for the ‘Cube, but when I bought it for the NES I replayed it just because I loved it. Granted, the difficulty spikes near the end, asking players to go through some of the most unreasonable gameplay in any game, especially a Zelda title. I highly recommend this one, especially if you’re not a fan of most Zelda titles.

The Animated Series (1989):

No Link, I will not excuse you. Not now and not ever.

While not a game, The Super Mario Bros Super Show began running animated episodes of The Legend of Zelda every Friday. As expected, the show itself had very little in common with the actual games. For one, Link spoke, and all the time, mostly with horrendous dialogue. Also, he was right-handed, in stark contrast to a running theme in the game series that Link was always left-handed. I could conceivably get past these problems, if not for the main one: The animated series didn’t understand how a Triforce worked. The opening cinematic says that Zelda keeps the Triforce of Wisdom safe and that Ganon has the Triforce of Power. That’s fine, but then Zelda says “If Ganon gets both the Triforce of Wisdom and the Triforce of Power he’ll be unstoppable!” They do realize that a Triforce by nature has THREE pieces, right? What was just described was a Biforce. Utter failure. And every episode, of which there were thankfully only 13, Link said his catchphrase “Well excuuuuuse me princess.” Ugh, makes me shudder just remembering. I don’t even know why they bothered putting this on DVD, or for that reason, why I bothered to purchase it and then watch it in full. Shame on me I suppose.

A Link to the Past (1991):

And then Nintendo reminded everyone that they still knew how to make a damn good Zelda game.

Zelda fans were really itching to get a new game in the style of the first by the early 90’s. Those prayers were answered with gusto once the SNES rolled around and A Link to the Past appeared in the style of the first game. Every single ounce of this game was polished to near perfection. The story was elaborated and fleshed out a bit, Link was given an arsenal of unique weapons and tools to progress, and the game was HUGE. After collecting the three mystical gems I figured the game was pretty much over, but then it sent me to the Dark World and told me there were eight more dungeons to explore. Epic! Sadly, my first memory of this game comes from when I borrowed it from a friend but the cartridge’s battery was dying, so when I turned it on one day all games had been erased, of which he had one at 100% in end game. He didn’t forgive me for quite some time after that, as if it was my fault the game was old.

Link’s Awakening (1993):

I'll never forget Koholint Island, even if it isn't real.

The first Zelda game I ever played, Link’s Awakening is still one of my favorite games of all time, at least in the top 10. It was the first game I got with my Game Boy one year during my birthday, and I was completely clueless how to play a Zelda game. I managed to get to the Bottle Grotto, the second dungeon, but I couldn’t figure out how to proceed any further. I was stuck, and nothing could help me, so I gave up for a few years. Eventually I went back to the game a little older and little wiser, but I still couldn’t get past the second dungeon. And then I accidentally pushed a block and triggered a secret staircase. That block also triggered something in my brain and unlocked a portion known as the “Zelda Mindset” used for all Zelda games or Zelda-like games. Since then I’ve had no problem in a Zelda game save for a few anomalies.

On a side note, this game also gave me my #1 most hilarious Zelda moment where Link speaks with Marin, the girl who found him washed up on he beach, and asks her to come help him with something midway through the game. When she agrees, Link “gets” her just like any other item, causing him to hold her above his head and look up her dress. I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw it happen. Beyond that, I still cry when I hear the ending theme play.

Zelda CD-i (1993):

This is really an image from the game. Isn't that just sad?

These are not Zelda games. Nintendo has even stated that these are not Zelda games. But still, there are three games, The Wand of Gamelon, The Faces of Evil, and Zelda’s Adventure, that contain Link, Zelda, and Ganon. I have not played any of the three, but I’ve seen extensive gameplay footage of people who have, and there’s no reason to punish yourself. However, I’ve claimed to Other Chris that if he finds me a CD-i and one of the Zelda games for it, I promise to play it to completion no matter what. Thankfully he has not yet acquired the needed materials to torture me properly. So to be clear, you can skip these three because they do NOT count. So let’s move on to my favorite game of all time instead.

Ocarina of Time (1998):

And then Nintendo reminded everyone they still knew how to make a damn good Zelda game...again.

As I said, Ocarina of Time is my favorite game of all time. It was my first Games You Should Have Played article and reappeared over and over and over again in one form or another in my various writings. It’s bound to show up again at some point, all because it really is an excellent game.

The tricky thing is, before Ocarina of time there wasn’t really a question of Zelda continuity, at least not for me anyway. The Legend of Zelda went directly into The Adventure of Link, and A Link to the Past had that same Link shipwrecked in Link’s Awakening. But with Ocarina of Time we were hearing what sounded like a complete origin story to everything. We learned where the Triforce came from and how Ganondorf started down the path of evil, plus we saw the world for the first time with 3D graphics, making it all the more impressive and real. But it was clear that the story wasn’t yet over. Navi, while annoying, flew away at the end of the game in a sad moment that I couldn’t help feeling sick about. My real question was: Would Link ever find Navi again?

Majora’s Mask (2000):

How do you follow up the best-reviewed game ever? Like this.

That’s when Majora’s Mask came along. It was a direct sequel to Ocarina of Time, so a lot was expected from it. The premise mentioned that Link was searching for a lost friend, presumably Navi (who else would he be looking for?), and then he gets jumped by the Skull Kid and thrown into the alternate world of Termina where the moon is falling. When I first played Majora’s Mask I enjoyed it, but I was sad that Link wasn’t still an adult. Plus, putting the whole game on a constantly resetting timer was jarring, but eventually you get used to it. It was certainly harder than Ocarina of Time for all the right reasons, but what stood out to me most then and especially now was the story. Majora’s Mask had the best story of any Zelda game and I’d argue still does.

See, Majora’s Mask is incredibly dark. The whole game deals with death and passing on. From the very start you realize that this game’s tone is way darker than any previous Zelda title, but it only gets darker. The big indicator is the means for how Link acquires new masks. There are three main masks he changes between: The Deku Mask, the Goron Mask, and the Zora Mask. When Link places these masks on his face he transforms in a short cutscene that shows him in agony (you can’t deny it), and later you learn that the Goron Mask was made because Daruni, the Goron chief, has died and given his power to you. Next, you find a dying Zora washed up on the beach and ease his pain, allowing him to die and leave you the Zora Mask.

What seems to get missed is that the Deku Mask must also contain the spirit of someone who died. In the first few minutes you’re transformed into a Deku Scrub and while learning the basics of the controls, you stumble upon a short tree that Tatl remarks looks just like you. A bit later, the Deku Butler helps you because you remind him of his son whom he hasn’t seen in quite some time. If you haven’t pieced this together, the ending cutscene shows the Deku Butler on his hands and knees in front of the Deku tree you see at the beginning of the game. That’s beyond dark. That’s intensely macabre, and I applaud the Zelda series for being that mature in story without having to be mature in violence or sex. Unfortunately, this would set a precedence that would cause problems in the series within just a few short years.

Also, I liked Tingle. I thought he was hilarious. Screw everyone that disagrees.

I’ll end part 1 of the Zelda Retrospective here to let you stew over Majora’s Mask’s darker tones. It will be the last time the series manages to rise to a level above most other games, and while my favorite is still Ocarina of Time, I maintain that Majora’s Mask is the best game of the series. But don’t forget to come back tomorrow for the second half where I explain why a bunch of Zelda fans jumped ship, literally, and how some of them came back.

Want more Zelda? Check out these articles:

-Zelda: A Retrospective Part 2

-Let’s Think Deep: The Virtual Utopia

-The Top Ten Best Zelda Items

Man, it is so on now.

We’re knee deep in my memories of Mario, and now that both the 2D platforming and 3D platforming aspects of Mario’s career are out of the way, I figured I’d give him a break and focus on some of the other stars Mario has made along the way. This part is all about the spin-offs. We’re talking Luigi, Yoshi, Wario, and Peach. So what did they do that was so great? Well, let’s take a look.

Yoshi’s Island:

Remember, in the Mario Universe, babies come from The Stork. Apparently.

A lot of people were wondering what Nintendo’s next move after Super Mario World would be, and as usual, the next move wasn’t an expected one. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island came out for the SNES as a platformer, but the main character wasn’t really Mario, it was Yoshi. Mario was still there as a baby riding on Yoshi’s back, but he wasn’t necessarily a happy inclusion since whenever Yoshi was attacked, Mario would begin crying. Suddenly everyone learned to hate Mario, a feat that isn’t easy to accomplish.

Whining babies aside, Yoshi’s Island did its own thing, establishing Yoshi’s traits and abilities for years to come, such as his ability to shoot eggs, flutter for short distances, and perform a ground pound, a move that Mario wouldn’t even learn until Super Mario 64. But probably the best moment of Yoshi’s Island came at the end during the fight against Baby Bowser. The term “epic” gets thrown around constantly during video game discussions, but the final battle truly was. Go check this one out for the usual reasonable Amazon price.

Yoshi’s Story:

There's an art style you don't see every day. Why don't we?

Yoshi somewhat missed out when Mario 64 came out, being included only as that pitiful 100% completion reward, albeit unusable. He wouldn’t get his next big featuring until Yoshi’s Story, a game that was surprisingly looked over due to it’s more colorful nature and definite E rating. Still, you’ll have a hard time finding a better-looking game on the 64.

Gone was Mario, completely absent in Yoshi’s new adventure. Baby Bowser would make a return, but no Mario whatsoever. It was nice to be free of that shrill cry when hit by enemies, replaced instead with sounds of Yoshi nomming fruits left and right. While a typical playthrough of the game didn’t take very long and wasn’t all that hard, to unlock all 24 levels was just brutally difficult and only the best Yoshi players could manage the task. My wife, the Yoshi Master, did this without any trouble. Keep in mind, she’s also the only one of the two of us to have a 100% completion score in Yoshi’s Island, so I suppose not everyone is capable of something this challenging. Otherwise, the Virtual Console has this one as well as Amazon for around $10.

The Wario Land Series:

It's like if Mario just let himself go for a while.

Wario gets introduced as the villain of Super Mario Land 2, but after his defeat he next shows up as, of all things, the main hero of Super Mario Land 3, subtitled Wario Land. Thus began Wario’s individual career separate of his archrival, and while the first game was doing everything it could to separate itself from Mario, it still felt like a Mario game. Wario had power-ups and platforming similar to a Mario game, but the emphasis was placed much higher on treasure collecting. Collecting all the treasures and enough coins would reward Wario with a larger castle in the end, possibly even a planet if you were good enough. Mario made his one cameo at the end of the first game, just to spite Wario more or less, but after that Wario was all on his own.

The games after the first really separated Wario from Mario by making him invincible in some instances, placing a higher value on the power-ups as a means to progress and definitely on the treasure collecting. These days you couldn’t even recognize Wario’s games next to Mario’s, making him his own franchise. Still, the first Wario Land game is a fun place to start. Heck, you can get it for under $3.

The Warioware Series:

Do you understand what's happening here? Trick question, because no you don't.

But Wario wouldn’t just be content with platforming. Nope, he’d invent a whole new genre of games with the Warioware series, known for the incredible abundance of mini-games fired at lightning speeds. Each mini-game lasts for less than 5 seconds in some cases with a simple instruction like “Pick” or “Land” or “Chop” or something like that, purposefully disorienting you to make the challenge that much greater. Add to this a weird factor I can’t do justice to in words and you have yourself a winner.

The Warioware series would have a number of imitators over the years, as well as it’s own sequels whenever a new piece of Nintendo technology was introduced, such as the DS’ touch screen, tilt sensors for the GBA, or the Wii’s motion controls. For me though, my favorite game was the GameCube version. The controls lacked a gimmick, which I was fine with, but is supported excellent multiplayer. Take advantage of its obscurity and pick it up on Amazon while you have the chance.

Luigi’s Mansion:

A simple concept that turned out to be extremely enjoyable. Bravo on the launch title!

A lot of people were disappointed to learn that Mario wouldn’t be starting the GameCube off as a launch title, but rather his green-clad brother, Luigi. He wouldn’t even be platforming. Instead, Luigi was thrown into a ghost-busting adventure in a haunted mansion and while most people couldn’t get into the concept, I was amazed with what the new hardware could do. The lighting effects were amazing, as well as some of the finer graphical points. But people just couldn’t get past the obvious omission of Mario.

Mario was in the game though. The whole point of Luigi going to the mansion in the first place was that Mario was missing, except this time it didn’t include geography and learning, thank God. It was all about Luigi going room-to-room with a vacuum cleaner that could suck up ghosts. I’m still wondering where the sequel for the Wii is since it seems like a no-brainer of a concept. Flashlight? Perfect for motion controls. Vacuum cleaner? Also perfect for motion controls. Where is this game Nintendo? Oh well, the original’s a steal wherever you go looking for it, and as usual, I recommend checking Amazon first.

Super Princess Peach:

If you don't give this one a chance just because the main character's a girl, you fail at video games.

What’s this? The Princess is the main character, not Mario or even Luigi? Yes, Peach got her first taste of stardom with Super Princess Peach, a platformer with its own style. I spent this last December tracking down a copy for my wife as a Christmas gift, and naturally I had to play it was soon as she was done. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that not only wasn’t the game lame, it was pretty darned good.

My only major gripe is the lack of a resolution to the umbrella’s story. They set up Peach’s umbrella sidekick with its own backstory, but they never really resolve it. At the end of the game Peach saves Mario and that’s that. No closure, not even with a 100% completion ending. Even if you have a slight curiosity, please do get this one. It gave me a solid week’s worth of gaming and I enjoyed every minute of it, more or less. Save some time and just take the online route rather than the painful trek I had from store-to-store.

Those are the main Mari spin-offs I played, though there are a lot more, believe you me. Yoshi, naturally, has a handful of games I didn’t even mention. And Wario only got a small section despite his dozen or so games. Of course, my Mario retrospective isn’t over yet. We’ve still got sports, karts, and RPG’s to talk about, but that’s something for another day. Come back late next week to read part 4. In the meantime, leave some more Mario comments, this time on his side-characters and the also-rans of the series. What is your favorite spin-off series? Or do you even bother? Me, I’ll just wait patiently for Luigi’s Mansion 2. I may just be waiting for a while.

Need more Mario? You can find him in these articles:

-Mario: A Retrospective Part 4

-10 Games To Play on Thanksgiving

-Games You Should Have Played: Super Mario Bros 3

Who's gonna make the list?

I can’t stop thinking about the Super Mario series of games no matter how hard I try (which isn’t very hard actually). I keep coming back to my favorites and remember what made me fall in love with the plumber in the first place. So I thought, “Hey, New Super Mario Bros Wii is out now and this week is Thanksgiving, so what better time for me to rattle off my favorite Mario enemies?” I instantly agreed with myself and began searching through the Mario database to remember each and every enemy Mario has ever faced. After searching I discovered I couldn’t limit myself to just 10, so here it is, my list of the 20 Greatest Mario Enemies.

20. Wiggler:

Right, like this guy's gonna harm me?

One of the best parts about the Mario games is the way enemies don’t always make a whole lot of sense. Take Wigglers for example. Initially they look like cute, happy caterpillars just boppin’ around, doin’ their own thing with a pretty flower on their head. But then you stomp on their flowers and they go nuts. Suddenly they freak out, turn red, and bum rush you. All because the pretty flower is now gone. You heartless monster.

19. Blargg:

That's my reaction to Blarggs, too.

Fun to say, more fun to pretend to be. I’m assuming a Blargg is a type of fire dragon thing as they live in lava, only to pop their eyes out and lazily dive at you with a “Blargg!” sort of sound. Take a second now and go find your sister (or brother if he’s been particularly evil to you lately). Hide somewhere and when they come by, jump out with a “BLARGG!” If that isn’t fun, I don’t know what is.

18. Fawful:

Always play your Mario & Luigi before bed.

Sometimes people just don’t heed my advice. If you don’t know who Fawful is, you’re probably not heeding it. Have you heeded? I bet not. Go play Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga and you’ll know exactly who this little bean of hilarity is. Known for his catchphrase “I have fury!” Actually, this may be the proper response to “BLARGG!”

17. Dino Piranha:

That's it, I'm replaying Super Mario Galaxy this week.

Super Mario Galaxy did a lot right, but it didn’t add too many new enemies that stood out for me. It did however bring back a favorite of mine in this Petey Piranha upgrade. The Dino Piranha is like Petey Piranha on steroids, and while I don’t endorse the use of drugs other than Super Mushrooms and Fire Flowers, I do support the revamped primal-urges of the Dino Piranha, such as “Destroy!” and “BLARGG!”

16. Francis:

It's like they took my high school self and made a video game character out of him.

The Paper Mario games have a way of getting funnier and funnier with each new sequel. When I heard about Super Paper Mario, I wasn’t too enthused since it wasn’t going to be an RPG like its predecessors but rather a 2-D/3-D platformer. And then I got to the third world and encountered Francis the chameleon, an uber nerd. When Princess Peach attempts attacking him, he boots Swoon.exe, a program that’s primary function is to talk to girls. I think this quote says it all: “Booting up Swoon.exe! Activating Nerd2Babe interface mod with real-time wooing!” That’s priceless.

15. Kriffid:

Beware the deadly fish-bush!

You’re going to find a good handful of Super Mario RPG enemies showing up here, with the first being Kriffid, a bush-like thing. Or maybe a fish-like thing? I think it’s closer to a fish-bush actually. The first time I encountered one of these things I thought there was a mistake and the game didn’t load the proper enemy. Then the bush opened up and a fish enemy scuttled around and wasted my face using electrical attacks. I’ve been terrified of bushes ever since, a trait shared only by a few select individuals in history such as Moses.

14. Super Koopas:

More powerful than the Justice League.

“Why haven’t we seen Koopas yet?” Is that what you’re asking? Well, I thought about them and determined that Koopas kinda suck. Yes, I enjoy them and all, but what does it say about you when you get stomped on and then killed with your own shell? That’s like if I was punched, my shirt fell off, and then someone strangled me with my own shirt. Well, Super Koopas don’t have that problem and they don’t take guff from no Mario. They can fly and they do so in groups, making normal left-to-right gameplay a massive hazard of flying doom.

13. Ptooie:

This is why I don't travel.

Ptooies are cheaters, plain and simple. I first saw these in Super Mario Bros 3 and since the day I witnessed a Piranha Plant walking about outside a pipe, keeping a spiked-ball suspended merely by blowing, I called foul play. Something about that just never seemed right to me as I was just used to the idea of deadly plants emerging from usually safe plumbing. Now suddenly they could walk about and become massive annoyances. No, that’s just too much. Red Flag called on account of absurd.

12. Jinx:

The original Napoleon Complex.

Here’s another from Super Mario RPG, and while I love this enemy, you don’t technically have to fight him if you don’t want to or if you suck at the game. The picture there doesn’t really do him justice as this dojo master is roughly the size of Mario’s foot, yet can lay the smackdown like no body’s business. He’ll leap at you with a flying kick, jump behind you and explode your Achilles tendon, or just hit you with a giant bullet that comes from nowhere. Simply, this guy owns you.

11. The Koopalings:

Glad to see you back, but what took so long?

Well, they didn’t quite break the top 10, but they came close. Why don’t they make it higher? Well, they got overshadowed by Bowser Jr, that’s why. First seen in Super Mario Bros 3, each Koopaling had its own airship and my budding gaming skills were no match for their “Jump on me three times” defenses. They returned in Super Mario World to get beaten again, and once more in Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga. Finally they get revived for New Super Mario Bros Wii and for that I couldn’t be happier. But still, I’ve got better enemies waiting just ahead.

10. Fuzzy:

Remember kids: Don't do drugs.

“Touch Fuzzy. Get Dizzy.” Simple words for a simple concept. Everyone that’s played Yoshi’s Island knows what a Fuzzy is. Think of them as our real-world equivalent of a kick to the head, or really cheap beer (I prefer the kick to the head). If Yoshi so much as brushes up against these little puffs the screen gets distorted and causes much difficulty with controls. All you can do is just sit and wait for the effects to wear off.

9. Angry Sun:

Why I don't leave my house when the sun's out.

Super Mario Bros 3 was a hard game because everything wanted you dead. Even the sun. Yes, the sun would scowl at you from the sky until it eventually couldn’t take any more and began dive-bombing every chance it got. And it wouldn’t even smile if it killed you, either. I remained angry. You’d go “Whoop! I died!” and fall off the screen, but the sun would still scowl like you’ve caused him far too much grief for your death to matter anymore. What did you do to him anyway? Did you murder the sun’s son in a previous game? Something to think about.

8. World 1-1 Goomba:

"AHHH Motherland!"

No other enemy on this list has as many kills racked up as this one simple murder machine. Goombas as a people are pitiful, stupid enemies that hobble back and forth, hoping you’ll step in front of them as they slowly bump into you. But this one lone solider stands as the very first enemy Mario encounters in Super Mario Bros and somehow year after year, new players pick up the controller unaware that they should jump over this stupid Goomba and instead suffer the ultimate fate. Even worse is when a seasoned player loses patience and rushes headfirst into death by accident while their friends shake their heads in shame. Yes, I’m speaking from experience.

7. Booster:

I wish I looked like this.

One of the most memorable characters from Super Mario RPG was this rough-faced scoundrel that goes by the name Booster. He has his own tower that he typically just plays around in while riding a train, but Princess Toadstool fell from the sky after the events at the beginning of the game and landed on his balcony. Therefore, he figures he should marry her since he’ll get a cake out of it. Pretty much, I sort of want to grow up to become this guy some day.

6. Pionpi:

These WILL kill you, no arguing.

Super Mario Land was always odd to me, since the English version didn’t change the Japanese enemies’ names. I always thought they should have renamed everything so you could describe them easier to your friends, since we did that anyway. “You know those Jumpy-Spiders?” “Oh, you mean Kumos?” “No, I mean Jumpy-Spiders, jerk.” By the time you get to the fourth world, which has a very distinctly “Chinese” vibe to it, you encounter enemies that look like Chinese people hopping around without much thought. They’re actually called “Pionpi” and are based off of ghouls known to Japanese people, but come on, they look just like evil Chinese people mindlessly hopping back and forth. Like I’m going to listen to Japanese developers when they says, “No seriously, we weren’t making fun of Chinese stereotypes or anything.” Don’t believe you. Plus, these enemies never die! They just get mad!

5. Boss Bass:

I know you've been eaten by one of these at least once.

BLARGG! Second only to that stupid World 1-1 Goomba in aggravating deaths, Boss Bass is the fish from Super Mario Bros 3 that swims around and hops every so often. If it catches you in its mouth, instant death. No chance to get out of it, you just die. You can kill these with a well-timed throw of a block or a shell, with a fireball, or even just grab a star and give the jerk a taste of his own medicine. But then he comes back! What the heck?! These should have been called “Blarggs” instead of those lava dragons.

4. The Rawk Hawk:

"Can you smell what the Rawk is cookin'?!"

Now we’re talking. “Are you ready to get RAWKED?!” Yes, I am ready. You have a brief stint as the Great Gonzales partway through Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door where you fight your way through the Glitz Pit to take on the champion. And who is the champion? A hawk that knows Lucha-style moves and spews catchphrases similar to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. If he’s losing he’ll even jump up to the rafters and shake down debris. I was almost sad to kick his butt.

3. The Koopa Bros:

They're the world's most fearsome fighting Koopas!

C’mon, like I’m not going to include the obvious Ninja Turtle reference? The Koopa Bros show up as the first real bosses of Paper Mario and do a fairly competent job of dealing some punishment should you not focus your attacks very well on stopping their ultimate attack of hopping into each other’s backs and launching a spinning tackle. Plus they get cool theme music to beat your face in. I really want to see these enemies come back but we haven’t seen a bit of them since the end of Paper Mario.

2. The Axem Rangers:

Go Go Axem Rangers!

First the Ninja Turtles, now Power Rangers? You bet your sweet bippy. My favorite enemies from Super Mario RPG came near the end but when they showed up I was totally blindsided. I got destroyed the first few times I tried fighting this hardcore team of Smithy’s most loyal but with enough practice I figured out the secret. However, no fight with them is ever simple since each member gets an attack and the Black Ranger attacks twice. They can scrape your sorry team in one move if you aren’t careful. And once you knock out all five, that’s it, right? Wrong! They get behind the Megazord head and fire the Breaker Beam at you, leaving you clinging for dear life.

So who can possibly beat super Koopas, Blarggs, giant fish, cheating plants, Chinese stereotypes, a Lucha chicken, the Ninja Turtles, and the Power Rangers? Oh, I think you know.

1. Giga Bowser:

"Please give me all your faces for I now own them!"

Like there was any doubt who was going to top this list? Bowser appears in just about every single Mario game and causes more than his share of chaos, but Bowser felt a little too simple to top the list. In comes Super Smash Bros Melee with a final boss battle against a Bowser reborn as Giga Bowser. Basically, take Bowser and increase his killing power, making him an unstoppable force of destruction. All he has to do is headbutt you and dark energy sparks from his noggin. Why? Who cares? Giga Bowser could take on every enemy on this list and not even lose a life, and that’s why he makes the top of the list.

Do you disagree with my list? I bet you probably do since everyone has his or her own favorites to talk about. So tell me about them with a comment or two. There are hundreds of enemies in the Mario universe and I only touched on 20. There’s plenty of room for your voice to get heard, so let’s hear it!

Nintendo has never shied away from making what some would call “risky” moves, something the Wii has shown us with gusto. I had the classic gray brick Game Boy as a kid until finally the Game Boy Advance did away with the need for any previous Game Boy iteration. But it wasn’t to last, as the Advance SP came out and made me extremely jealous of its backlit glory and rechargeable battery core. And then came the DS, and I was hooked all over again.

The first Christmas the DS was out, I was lucky enough to get it sneakily wrapped in a box with a shot put to throw me off, (no pun intended). I had the Alpha version of the system, so when the Omega came out as the DS Lite, I was jealous again but refused to drop the cash for the definite new upgrade.

Now we have the DSi, yet another upgrade to the DS, but this time we’re losing some aspects as well, and it makes me very sad. The drawing point of the DS for me was the inclusion of a Game Boy Advance slot, allowing me to play Advance games on my DS without having to spend copious amounts on batteries, as well as having it backlit at last. But the DSi doesn’t have a slot for Advance games, eliminating it to make room for two cameras and new internal memory. The loss of the Advance slot was what kept me from upgrading.

But we’re not just losing everything here. We are gaining the use of a new service that allows us to download DSiWare games, and while the majority of them are just fancy clocks, there are a few shining examples of excellent titles. Basically anything listed under the Art Styles logo is considered fantastic, but I still haven’t been convinced to plunk down my money for another full system when my original DS works just fine.

As noted, two cameras have been added to allow for you to take pictures and then dink around with them similar to the Game Boy Camera from the old days. But the quality is roughly the same as a decent cell phone, so the feature is somewhat underutilized at the moment, lacking the drawing power it’s attempting to sell the system with. It also gets an Internet browser, but once more, nothing a decent phone can’t do.

All in all, while the DSi isn’t a bad system, if you already have a DS there’s really no fantastic reason to buy the DSi, especially at $169.99. Then again, if you don’t already have a DS, now may be a good time to give it a try.