Oh boy, that looks exciting! ...Why isn't it?

Ever since the Game Boy days and the very first Pokemon versions, Red and Blue, fans began speculating where the series could go. What new Pokemon would be right around the corner? Would they ever make new types of Pokemon past the original 15? New attacks? More complicated battles? But biggest of all, we wanted to know when Pokemon would show up on the consoles.

At the time of Pokemon’s rise to popularity, the N64 was poised to be the perfect system for us to get our fix. Games began releasing as if to taunt us, such as Pokemon Snap, a great title that was sadly only about taking pictures of Pocket Monsters and limiting the creatures in-game to roughly 60 or so. Then Stadium and its sequel came out, though those titles were largely about the novelty of seeing the once pixilated characters in full 3D on the TV screen, fighting with elaborate battle animations and such (“elaborate” being relative for the time).

Eventually, when Nintendo Power started showing bits about the GameCube Pokemon games, specifically that they’d have a full story and everything, you couldn’t help but get excited. Sadly, that too would be a letdown as you couldn’t catch all 386 Pokemon at the time in either game since there were no random battles, somewhat eliminating the point of the open-ended world with limitless team combinations. Still, they weren’t awful as they packed in a lot within that simple story, so it wasn’t a total cop-out.

Alright Piplup, I've got high hopes. Don't fail me now!

No, that would happen when the Wii got its first Pokemon game to tie in with the release of Diamond and Pearl versions on the DS. At this point in time, a 3D Pokemon game needed to be more than any of the previous installments. It needed to impress us with amazing graphics, excellent sound, and a rich, full experience to justify a purchase or even really a rental, though really, if a Pokemon game is doing its job correctly a rental will never suffice.

Needless to say, I stand before you a disappointed Pokefan. Why is that? Because those three things I mentioned before –graphics, sound, and completion- were severely lacking with the new update. What we wanted was a version of the Game Boy/DS games for the Wii. What we got was a mild update to Stadium, which is pathetic considering the title called it a “battle revolution.”

Revolutionary!

Now it wouldn’t do any good to just say that the game was a disappointment and leave it at that. No, I’m going to hit those three points and explain what they needed to do and how they were lacking. So are we ready for a closer look? Well too bad because here we go.

Since the very beginning, Pokemon games have stuck to a very basic formula where there are hundreds of monsters but each creature only has four attack slots. Battles are always turn-based and consist of a simple battle animation for each attack, so a jet of water shooting at the opponent or seeing a shadow flung upside-down and dropped. When it came to the 3D games the same rules applied for some reason, so despite being in 3D, when a Pokemon performs an attack like Headbutt the animation still stops them from making physical contact with the other side of the arena.

This total disconnect always bothered me. The anime showed us these elaborate battles with Pokemon leaping around and dodging and performing amazing maneuvers in real time. The games however were slow and somewhat archaic by comparison, but it was understood that there were certain limitations due to graphics and memory restrictions and such. Those restrictions are no longer an excuse, so why haven’t we had more dynamic 3D battles?

Revolutionary...?!

Here’s my suggestion for how the game should look: Imagine the arena is set up like normal, perhaps with rocks and hazards and such, then the two Pocket Monsters are released and they size each other up while you decide to give them their first move. From there the attack phase goes normally with the Pokemon directly contacting each other with character-specific interactions and damage animations, so that if for instance Pidgeotto used Sky Attack on a Machamp, you’d see Machamp recoil from the hit and act accordingly as it looked up and saw the attack coming. After that first turn, the in-between phase would look like the two Pokemon battling back and forth essentially bouncing off of each other and dodging out the way or blocking or circling around or such without any damage being dealt until the next round of commands is issued. The goal is to make combat more dynamic without sacrificing the basic formula. Wouldn’t we all be happy with a more exciting presentation instead of seeing Pokemon jog toward the screen, punch, and then see the reverse shot when the opposing Pokemon falls back?

Next we have the horrible sound, something that’s still an issue even though we’ve moved so far past the humble Game Boy beginnings. For some reason that I can’t figure out, every Pokemon has a distinctive battle cry when they come out of their Pokeball, during certain attacks, and when getting knocked out. However, Pokemon from the original Blue, Red, and Green versions have had their voices entirely unchanged since the beginning, and all new Pokemon have to hold back what they could sound like in favor of something that more closely resembles the 8-bit chippy bleeps and screeches.

Wow, for a battlefield full of powerful legendaries, that sure looks pretty relaxed. Maybe the revolution is all via debate?

We’re past this by now; we have to be. The Wii isn’t the most powerful system out there, but it’s a heck of a lot stronger than the N64, and even that had games with fully spoken dialogue such as Star Fox 64. Heck, the GameCube had a vast number of games with tons of spoken dialogue beyond just RPG’s. Take Smash Bros for example where there are hundreds and hundreds of character grunts and sound effects. All I want is a Pokemon game where each Pokemon has a unique battle cry similar to what you’d hear from the anime, so that’d be around 649 different battle cries, plus perhaps maybe three variations of each, so we’re looking at 2,800 3-second voice clips? That doesn’t seem unreasonable really. Remember, the hope is to someday bridge the gap between the show and the games so that they seem one-to-one instead of seeing Ash do so many awesome things and devise all these brilliant strategies, only to then play the game and feel like something’s lacking.

So the graphics and sound have been taken care of, but that still leaves us with the story. I’ve complained enough about the handheld games and their insistence on retaining the same formula over and over again of “get starter Pokemon,” “collect eight Gym Badges,” and then “defeat Elite Four.” Oh, and of course “Catch ‘em All!” Despite my desire to see something new, (and nothing like the Coliseum games, please), at the very least what I and many others would love to see is a 3D Pokemon game that has those four aspects present. So far we’ve been able to battle trainers and Gym Leaders in Stadium and catch a few of the exorbitant number of Pokemon in Coliseum, but when Battle Revolution came out we were given only the bare minimum with generic battles and that’s it. At least Stadium gave us mini-games and a means to store and trade Pokemon easily from one version to the next.

Wait, is he actually doing something? I can't tell.

What Battle Revolution should have been was a fully fleshed-out version for the consoles. Nintendo and Game Freaks could have played their precious game of releasing two matching versions with exclusive Pokemon between the pair if they really wanted, but we deserved to see these games in 3D. Who wouldn’t want an open-world map where you can actually see the creatures wandering around, waiting to be battled and caught? The technology is there. The demand is certainly there. Where is this perfect game?

There are three simple ways to improve Battle Revolution, or rather the next console Pokemon game. But what do you think? What are you most wishing for in terms of a console Pokemon game? Were you pleased with Battle Revolution? Leave a comment and let me know. In the meantime, I think I’ll just go back and play Stadium some more.

All my best friends in one easy place. How can I not be happy?

It has never been a secret around here that I am very attached to Nintendo and generally prefer their systems and games over any other systems or games. For full history (and I’ll try to keep this short), we go back to when I was only 2-years-old, roughly. It was my dad’s birthday, so my mom decided it would be fun to get him a Nintendo Entertainment System. Neither he nor I knew that the system would really turn out to be for me. I sat and played Super Mario Bros endlessly. I’d rent and borrow any games that people would loan me. I played as much as possible (somehow avoiding most of the games the AVGN hates to much, except TMNT, which is awesome if you know how to play it).

When it came time for the next generation of consoles, back then being something completely new, there was the choice of the Sega Genesis or the Super Nintendo. I couldn’t afford either, so I waited and waited and waited. Finally, probably half way through the SNES’ life, my cousin decided to sell his SNES to me, a system that he had modified to play Super Famicom games (who knew I’d eventually want to play Dragonball Z games on the system?).

I received a Game Boy not long before that as an amazing birthday gift, and then a Game Boy Color when my cousin decided he needed to get rid of that, too. From there came the N64, another system that I had to wait painfully long to finally buy, eventually snagging one when Mario Kart 64 came out, bucking the trend of buying my cousin’s hand-me-down systems. He would taunt me about purchasing Ocarina of Time Day One, implying how much better he was than I. It pained me but my parents refused to let me blow the entirety of my money on the one game. They forced me to rent it instead, then borrow it from a friend under the assumption I might not like it. Little would any of us know that it would become my favorite game ever, regardless of how clichéd that is to say.

Finally remaking this was just begging me to spend every cent I had.

That was the final straw for me before I had a steady flow of disposable income to call my own, so the GameCube was a purchase I made as soon as it was available. The Game Boy Advance was bought a little later just because I felt like it and had some money that was burning a hole in my pocket. That system lead to a number of impulse buys such as Advance Wars and Golden Sun, risks that definitely paid off. My GameCube would get the most love of just about any system in my house over the next few years as Super Smash Bros Melee brought about a competitive streak/pettiness inside of me that no game since has matched.

Flash ahead to the DS cropping up, a system I wouldn’t have the money for just yet, only to be rewarded for my patience with a system under the Christmas tree that same launch year. The Wii, however, I bought instantly and never looked back. That was my blow-by-blow for Nintendo systems. I never owned a Virtual Boy, didn’t buy a Game Boy Pocket or Advance SP (until only a few months ago for my wife) or a DS Lite. Each and every system has been played to the point that the money spent was well worth it.

That should set the stage for where I am now with Nintendo. I’ve been through it all. I was there in the early stages, the rough patches, and the recent successes. I’ve seen how the company handles itself in good times and bad and most importantly I’ve seen the progression of gaming, not just small snippets here and there. All of this leads me to say as follows: Nintendo has a history of people just plain not getting them.

I can point to this very much during the GameCube era. I was labeled as “Nintendo Boy” by my drama teacher in high school, a hardcore Xbox/Halo fan. I was never really sure what to do with that, whether I was supposed to feel guilty (as it as always meant to be hurtful when shouted by my teacher and his followers), or rather if I should feel proud of my loyalty through the roughest times.

And the GameCube era really was the roughest of times for Nintendo, at least in the public’s eye. Nintendo and its system were labeled as “kiddie,” a completely pointless and just blatantly ignorant observation based on the fact that the GameCube did not have Halo or some such pew pew shooter. To explain the kiddie moniker, Nintendo, especially during the GameCube lifetime, were all about fun and accessibility over something adult for the sake of adult. Games were becoming more realistic and trying to prove that graphics were absolutely everything, whereas Nintendo was making games with as many vibrant colors as possible. Guess who loved Super Mario Sunshine? This guy right here.

I'd gladly clear graffiti off buildings with a water pack that doubles as a propulsion method. Go chew a mushroom and get off my back.

I argued with more people than I care to remember regarding the GameCube’s “kiddie” attribute, each time having to point out a short list of games geared toward older players such as Resident Evil 4, Eternal Darkness, and even Metroid Prime. Speaking of Resident Evil 4, it was supposed to be an exclusive, and I was proud to say it was exclusively on my system, as were Nintendo. Of course, Capcom being Capcom decided to do what they always do and said “Hell with it, let’s put this on the PS2 with more content.” In fact, one of Nintendo’s supposed biggest faults in this current generation is their lack of support toward 3rd party developers. I say that you can look to Capcom’s actions here for a solid explanation as to why Nintendo looks out for Number 1 more than the 3rd parties. They touted this exclusive title and Capcom broke their deal. Shame on Nintendo for basing things on the honor code.

Granted, Nintendo weren’t always the nice guys, as Sony can tell you regarding the PlayStation. The NES era, while packed full of classics, was also packed full of garbage. Overpriced garbage I might add. Back then Nintendo had zero competition and could decide on prices and quality, and they picked “high” and “whatever gets this out the door” as the only qualifiers.

Still, currently, Nintendo does have far less of a hand in promoting games on its system unless they’re 1st party titles like Mario and Zelda. I can argue here that this is all because Nintendo is only a game company, unlike Sony and Microsoft who just have relatively small game divisions compared to their massive size. They can take bigger risks and throw money at any situation. Nintendo, historically, has been unable to do that.

This doesn’t mean that Nintendo has been penniless though. A lot of people kept saying that Nintendo was about to go out of business and become the next Sega when it became clear that the GameCube wasn’t outselling the Xbox and PS2. However, “not outselling” and “failing to perform” are two very different things. During the GameCube/PS2/Xbox cycle, Nintendo was nowhere near flopping, even if the GameCube was a complete failure, which just wasn’t the case (a complete failure means discontinuing before the next console, not getting integrated into it). See, Nintendo’s always been more or less bulletproof thanks to their handheld market, which they’ve never lot a grip on.

Mario usually helps with this quite a lot.

That is until now. As soon as the 3DS was announced, fans were clambering to find out more. “What games will be on it?!” “When will it come out?!” “How much will it cost?!” That last part is what did a number of the usually eager fanbase. $250 is a lot to spend on a portable system. It’s one of two reasons I never had an interest in a PSP. The other was an entire lack of excitement for the games on the system, which the PSP and 3DS also have in common for me. Launching the 3DS without any immediately significant games is no good, but it’s once again not without precedence. More on that in a moment.

First, I want to talk about another aspect of Nintendo that a lot of people, specifically now, are feeling. There is the assumption that Nintendo does not like its fans, does not want their money, and does not want to learn. People got mad when the GameCube was released without a DVD player in it (awesome, it kept the price down and I already had a DVD player). Then the same thing happened with the Wii (awesome, kept the price down and I already had a DVD player, and ironically I watch Netflix on my Wii as I don’t have to pay for a Gold account to do so, which I had to do on my Xbox 360). Operation Rainfall is a great example of fans demanding something from Nintendo and getting, essentially, told to shove off.

But why?

The motivation behind Operation Rainfall is to get Nintendo of America to release three Japanese RPGs here in the United States, two of which have already been localized for the UK. Despite demands, despite petitions, despite being a generally great gathering of like-minded gamers, Nintendo has said the usual “We don’t have plans now, but wait and see someday.” A lot of people see this as Nintendo being just downright stupid as there are thousands of gamers wanting to give their money to Nintendo but being refused. Just hold on though, because there are two parts that make rational sense as to why Nintendo has hesitated here.

I'm still all in favor of fans getting their way.

Let’s talk Earthbound. Why? Because I love Earthbound. You probably love Earthbound as well. A lot of people love Earthbound. Except most of us all loved it after the fact. It was a colossal failure on the SNES and has been the main game people can point to as to why Nintendo aren’t willing to try something new on the RPG front here in the US. Sure, we whine and complain a bunch, constantly wanting more games to be localized, but then comes the other half of the equation we always, ALWAYS seem to forget: Fans of geek culture never turn up when they’re supposed to.

Take a moment to think about Scott Pilgrim vs The World. Great movie, right? Oh yeah, I loved the hell out of it. I saw it in theaters twice and then bought the DVD. Guess what other fans forgot to do? Go see it and buy the DVD. Scott Pilgrim ended up getting completely trounced in the box office for no good reason as hundreds of thousands of geeks said they wanted to go see it. Kick Ass was the same deal. Simple fact: We’ve proven that we can’t be trusted to show up when companies take risks on us doing just that. Want some game-related anecdotal evidence? How about No More Heroes or Mad World or Zack and Wiki or A Boy and His Blob? All great games, all applauded for coming to the Wii, none sold enough to matter much. Oops.

So when Nintendo says kindly that they have no immediate plans to release certain games in the US, remember that there’s a precedence already set. Do I want the Operation Rainfall games to show up in the US? Absolutely. Will I buy them? Not a chance. Does that make me a bad gamer? I don’t really think so.

Now we’re back to the immediate state of Nintendo. The 3DS hasn’t been selling amazingly due to the high price and the lack of AAA games for the system, games that Nintendo has announced but hasn’t given us yet. Thus far we have Ocarina of Time 3D (I bought that one, in case you were wondering), and soon Star Fox 64’s remake, a new Kid Icarus, a new Mario game, a new Mario Kart, a new Paper Mario, and a new Luigi’s Mansion. And of course a new Smash Bros somewhere down the line. I couldn’t be happier with that line of promises. Best of all, those titles will be staggered just enough that even I will be able to afford them. Happy day indeed.

C'mon, you can make this happen, I believe in you.

See, another thing to learn about me, I never understood the constant complaining of people saying that the Wii had no good games. I can disagree completely there. I can come up with at least 10 games on my immediate shelf that felt entirely worth the system’s existence, all released at a staggered pace. I got the most time out of Super Mario Galaxy 1 and 2 and Smash Bros Brawl, but Donkey Kong Country Returns, No More Heroes, Metroid Prime 3, and Super Paper Mario were all great to me as well. And the best part is, my collection isn’t done yet. There are still a handful of Wii games I’d love to own soon, like Masamura: The Demon Blade, A Boy and His Blob, and Kirby’s Epic Yarn. I just haven’t had the money yet to buy any of them. Most of my games come secondhand from my Xbox 360 relatives, and from that system I can only count about 5 that I own and really loved with a handful of others that are on my “buy if they’re cheap” list. And I still have Skyward Sword to look forward to this year.

“But Chris! I don’t like Nintendo games!” Yeah, alright, what’s your point? Then don’t buy a Wii. I don’t like Modern Warfare and yet people everywhere love those games and flock to them like moths. And I can understand exactly why, but I don’t get mad because the Xbox 360 is flooded with similar titles. I just get happy playing what I feel like.

Back on the 3DS, the price suddenly drops by $80 and everyone rushes to point fingers and ridicule. By Nintendo dropping the price they’ve effectively signed a statement reading, “Yup, we’re getting desperate so please buy the system.” In all reality though, would we rather they slash the price of the system to encourage new buyers, or would we rather they acted too proud to see when something needed change. They’ve already announced the games we want, now the system costs something we can all get behind. And if you bought the system early, you get 20 free games from the Virtual Console as a thank you for supporting the initial launch.

I still don’t understand the hesitation behind the 3DS’ eventual library of games. Systems never launch with strong titles anymore. The Xbox 360 had pretty much nothing that made me want the system immediately and the PS3 still doesn’t have anything that can convince me I need the system right now. Remember, Nintendo is just one company, so they can only make so many games at one time. They didn’t make Capcom release crap like Resident Evil Mercenaries or watered-down versions of whole games like Street Fighter IV. And they didn’t tell Ubisoft to remake Rayman 2 and pump out more Rabbids games. Let other publishers take the blame for stupid and frankly lazy choices, not the company offering the platform. Do we applaud Apple for Angry Birds? Hell no. Do we boo them for flashlight apps? Hell no.

To refresh you, I got a DS the Christmas season it came out. I didn’t have a single game for it until Mario Kart DS came out. I bought that, Animal Crossing DS, and Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time all within a month of each other nearly a year after actually getting the system. New Super Mario Bros would follow a bit later as well as Metroid Prime Hunters and Pokemon Diamond/Pearl. I just think it’s a shame they pushed Pokemon Black and White onto the DS instead of holding them back for the 3DS. That small move and we wouldn’t be having this discussion.

Let's try for another one like this, eh?

My point is that I know the best is yet to come. I know the good games are on their way, even if Capcom doesn’t like Mega Man fans anymore. I know that Nintendo still knows what they’re doing. Cutting the price doesn’t look like a company getting desperate; it looks like a smart company being aggressive with their risks. Nintendo president Iwata doesn’t sound like someone who isn’t listening to fans. On the contrary, he sounds like he’s more than ready to work with them to make the 3DS a success.

I bought a 3DS today along with the Ocarina of Time remake. I’m ready to buy the next game that comes out on that short list of first-party games up there. And then the next. And so on. I’m excited for the Wii U. I’m optimistic about Nintendo’s future, even if so few people seem to remember where Nintendo’s come from. Here’s to you Nintendo, for all those years together. Let’s make it many, many more.

Are you ready to hear some memories of the greatest story ever told? Too bad, 'cause here I go!

If there’s any series I love more than Mario, it’s the Legend of Zelda. I’ve been a fan for years now and I’m guaranteed to play each new title as it comes out, regardless of my preference for the art style or any other factors. I just have to play me some Zelda. Well, as predicted, Nintendo showed off the new Zelda title at E3 this year, the Skyward Sword, and I’m pretty excited. So much so that I decided to give my own little Zelda retrospective. So here it is, grab your magic bags and Master Swords and let’s take a trip to Hyrule.

The Legend of Zelda (1986):

It looks so simple these days, doesn't it?

The very first Legend of Zelda game for the NES was a game-changer in terms of how a video game should be played. The world map was huge for its time and the puzzles were complex. You were forced to think and try different solutions in order to advance. I, however, didn’t play this as a kid. I played this much, much later once I had the Zelda Collector’s Edition for the GameCube, and would you like to know my final death count? 187. That’s pathetic. I know I’m better than that, but even worse, there’s no way I can understand how anyone was able to beat this game prior to the internet having world maps and walkthroughs because some things you’re expected to know are stupidly difficult to solve. Still, the music was excellent and had a special power over me. Without realizing it I’d start singing along with actual lyrics whenever I played, but as soon as the game turned off I couldn’t remember the lyrics I’d been singing. It’s a secret to everybody.

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (1987):

Honestly, I think this was better than the first game.

After the success of the first Zelda title, a sequel was insured, but Miyamoto did what he always seems to do and decided to change the formula completely. Now, instead of a top-down view, Link was placed in a side-scrolling action platformer. Fans were not happy with this one and many consider it the worst game of the series. I, conversely, loved it. This was another one that I first played when I got that awesome Collector’s Edition for the ‘Cube, but when I bought it for the NES I replayed it just because I loved it. Granted, the difficulty spikes near the end, asking players to go through some of the most unreasonable gameplay in any game, especially a Zelda title. I highly recommend this one, especially if you’re not a fan of most Zelda titles.

The Animated Series (1989):

No Link, I will not excuse you. Not now and not ever.

While not a game, The Super Mario Bros Super Show began running animated episodes of The Legend of Zelda every Friday. As expected, the show itself had very little in common with the actual games. For one, Link spoke, and all the time, mostly with horrendous dialogue. Also, he was right-handed, in stark contrast to a running theme in the game series that Link was always left-handed. I could conceivably get past these problems, if not for the main one: The animated series didn’t understand how a Triforce worked. The opening cinematic says that Zelda keeps the Triforce of Wisdom safe and that Ganon has the Triforce of Power. That’s fine, but then Zelda says “If Ganon gets both the Triforce of Wisdom and the Triforce of Power he’ll be unstoppable!” They do realize that a Triforce by nature has THREE pieces, right? What was just described was a Biforce. Utter failure. And every episode, of which there were thankfully only 13, Link said his catchphrase “Well excuuuuuse me princess.” Ugh, makes me shudder just remembering. I don’t even know why they bothered putting this on DVD, or for that reason, why I bothered to purchase it and then watch it in full. Shame on me I suppose.

A Link to the Past (1991):

And then Nintendo reminded everyone that they still knew how to make a damn good Zelda game.

Zelda fans were really itching to get a new game in the style of the first by the early 90’s. Those prayers were answered with gusto once the SNES rolled around and A Link to the Past appeared in the style of the first game. Every single ounce of this game was polished to near perfection. The story was elaborated and fleshed out a bit, Link was given an arsenal of unique weapons and tools to progress, and the game was HUGE. After collecting the three mystical gems I figured the game was pretty much over, but then it sent me to the Dark World and told me there were eight more dungeons to explore. Epic! Sadly, my first memory of this game comes from when I borrowed it from a friend but the cartridge’s battery was dying, so when I turned it on one day all games had been erased, of which he had one at 100% in end game. He didn’t forgive me for quite some time after that, as if it was my fault the game was old.

Link’s Awakening (1993):

I'll never forget Koholint Island, even if it isn't real.

The first Zelda game I ever played, Link’s Awakening is still one of my favorite games of all time, at least in the top 10. It was the first game I got with my Game Boy one year during my birthday, and I was completely clueless how to play a Zelda game. I managed to get to the Bottle Grotto, the second dungeon, but I couldn’t figure out how to proceed any further. I was stuck, and nothing could help me, so I gave up for a few years. Eventually I went back to the game a little older and little wiser, but I still couldn’t get past the second dungeon. And then I accidentally pushed a block and triggered a secret staircase. That block also triggered something in my brain and unlocked a portion known as the “Zelda Mindset” used for all Zelda games or Zelda-like games. Since then I’ve had no problem in a Zelda game save for a few anomalies.

On a side note, this game also gave me my #1 most hilarious Zelda moment where Link speaks with Marin, the girl who found him washed up on he beach, and asks her to come help him with something midway through the game. When she agrees, Link “gets” her just like any other item, causing him to hold her above his head and look up her dress. I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw it happen. Beyond that, I still cry when I hear the ending theme play.

Zelda CD-i (1993):

This is really an image from the game. Isn't that just sad?

These are not Zelda games. Nintendo has even stated that these are not Zelda games. But still, there are three games, The Wand of Gamelon, The Faces of Evil, and Zelda’s Adventure, that contain Link, Zelda, and Ganon. I have not played any of the three, but I’ve seen extensive gameplay footage of people who have, and there’s no reason to punish yourself. However, I’ve claimed to Other Chris that if he finds me a CD-i and one of the Zelda games for it, I promise to play it to completion no matter what. Thankfully he has not yet acquired the needed materials to torture me properly. So to be clear, you can skip these three because they do NOT count. So let’s move on to my favorite game of all time instead.

Ocarina of Time (1998):

And then Nintendo reminded everyone they still knew how to make a damn good Zelda game...again.

As I said, Ocarina of Time is my favorite game of all time. It was my first Games You Should Have Played article and reappeared over and over and over again in one form or another in my various writings. It’s bound to show up again at some point, all because it really is an excellent game.

The tricky thing is, before Ocarina of time there wasn’t really a question of Zelda continuity, at least not for me anyway. The Legend of Zelda went directly into The Adventure of Link, and A Link to the Past had that same Link shipwrecked in Link’s Awakening. But with Ocarina of Time we were hearing what sounded like a complete origin story to everything. We learned where the Triforce came from and how Ganondorf started down the path of evil, plus we saw the world for the first time with 3D graphics, making it all the more impressive and real. But it was clear that the story wasn’t yet over. Navi, while annoying, flew away at the end of the game in a sad moment that I couldn’t help feeling sick about. My real question was: Would Link ever find Navi again?

Majora’s Mask (2000):

How do you follow up the best-reviewed game ever? Like this.

That’s when Majora’s Mask came along. It was a direct sequel to Ocarina of Time, so a lot was expected from it. The premise mentioned that Link was searching for a lost friend, presumably Navi (who else would he be looking for?), and then he gets jumped by the Skull Kid and thrown into the alternate world of Termina where the moon is falling. When I first played Majora’s Mask I enjoyed it, but I was sad that Link wasn’t still an adult. Plus, putting the whole game on a constantly resetting timer was jarring, but eventually you get used to it. It was certainly harder than Ocarina of Time for all the right reasons, but what stood out to me most then and especially now was the story. Majora’s Mask had the best story of any Zelda game and I’d argue still does.

See, Majora’s Mask is incredibly dark. The whole game deals with death and passing on. From the very start you realize that this game’s tone is way darker than any previous Zelda title, but it only gets darker. The big indicator is the means for how Link acquires new masks. There are three main masks he changes between: The Deku Mask, the Goron Mask, and the Zora Mask. When Link places these masks on his face he transforms in a short cutscene that shows him in agony (you can’t deny it), and later you learn that the Goron Mask was made because Daruni, the Goron chief, has died and given his power to you. Next, you find a dying Zora washed up on the beach and ease his pain, allowing him to die and leave you the Zora Mask.

What seems to get missed is that the Deku Mask must also contain the spirit of someone who died. In the first few minutes you’re transformed into a Deku Scrub and while learning the basics of the controls, you stumble upon a short tree that Tatl remarks looks just like you. A bit later, the Deku Butler helps you because you remind him of his son whom he hasn’t seen in quite some time. If you haven’t pieced this together, the ending cutscene shows the Deku Butler on his hands and knees in front of the Deku tree you see at the beginning of the game. That’s beyond dark. That’s intensely macabre, and I applaud the Zelda series for being that mature in story without having to be mature in violence or sex. Unfortunately, this would set a precedence that would cause problems in the series within just a few short years.

Also, I liked Tingle. I thought he was hilarious. Screw everyone that disagrees.

I’ll end part 1 of the Zelda Retrospective here to let you stew over Majora’s Mask’s darker tones. It will be the last time the series manages to rise to a level above most other games, and while my favorite is still Ocarina of Time, I maintain that Majora’s Mask is the best game of the series. But don’t forget to come back tomorrow for the second half where I explain why a bunch of Zelda fans jumped ship, literally, and how some of them came back.

Want more Zelda? Check out these articles:

-Zelda: A Retrospective Part 2

-Let’s Think Deep: The Virtual Utopia

-The Top Ten Best Zelda Items

Man, it is so on now.

We’re knee deep in my memories of Mario, and now that both the 2D platforming and 3D platforming aspects of Mario’s career are out of the way, I figured I’d give him a break and focus on some of the other stars Mario has made along the way. This part is all about the spin-offs. We’re talking Luigi, Yoshi, Wario, and Peach. So what did they do that was so great? Well, let’s take a look.

Yoshi’s Island:

Remember, in the Mario Universe, babies come from The Stork. Apparently.

A lot of people were wondering what Nintendo’s next move after Super Mario World would be, and as usual, the next move wasn’t an expected one. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island came out for the SNES as a platformer, but the main character wasn’t really Mario, it was Yoshi. Mario was still there as a baby riding on Yoshi’s back, but he wasn’t necessarily a happy inclusion since whenever Yoshi was attacked, Mario would begin crying. Suddenly everyone learned to hate Mario, a feat that isn’t easy to accomplish.

Whining babies aside, Yoshi’s Island did its own thing, establishing Yoshi’s traits and abilities for years to come, such as his ability to shoot eggs, flutter for short distances, and perform a ground pound, a move that Mario wouldn’t even learn until Super Mario 64. But probably the best moment of Yoshi’s Island came at the end during the fight against Baby Bowser. The term “epic” gets thrown around constantly during video game discussions, but the final battle truly was. Go check this one out for the usual reasonable Amazon price.

Yoshi’s Story:

There's an art style you don't see every day. Why don't we?

Yoshi somewhat missed out when Mario 64 came out, being included only as that pitiful 100% completion reward, albeit unusable. He wouldn’t get his next big featuring until Yoshi’s Story, a game that was surprisingly looked over due to it’s more colorful nature and definite E rating. Still, you’ll have a hard time finding a better-looking game on the 64.

Gone was Mario, completely absent in Yoshi’s new adventure. Baby Bowser would make a return, but no Mario whatsoever. It was nice to be free of that shrill cry when hit by enemies, replaced instead with sounds of Yoshi nomming fruits left and right. While a typical playthrough of the game didn’t take very long and wasn’t all that hard, to unlock all 24 levels was just brutally difficult and only the best Yoshi players could manage the task. My wife, the Yoshi Master, did this without any trouble. Keep in mind, she’s also the only one of the two of us to have a 100% completion score in Yoshi’s Island, so I suppose not everyone is capable of something this challenging. Otherwise, the Virtual Console has this one as well as Amazon for around $10.

The Wario Land Series:

It's like if Mario just let himself go for a while.

Wario gets introduced as the villain of Super Mario Land 2, but after his defeat he next shows up as, of all things, the main hero of Super Mario Land 3, subtitled Wario Land. Thus began Wario’s individual career separate of his archrival, and while the first game was doing everything it could to separate itself from Mario, it still felt like a Mario game. Wario had power-ups and platforming similar to a Mario game, but the emphasis was placed much higher on treasure collecting. Collecting all the treasures and enough coins would reward Wario with a larger castle in the end, possibly even a planet if you were good enough. Mario made his one cameo at the end of the first game, just to spite Wario more or less, but after that Wario was all on his own.

The games after the first really separated Wario from Mario by making him invincible in some instances, placing a higher value on the power-ups as a means to progress and definitely on the treasure collecting. These days you couldn’t even recognize Wario’s games next to Mario’s, making him his own franchise. Still, the first Wario Land game is a fun place to start. Heck, you can get it for under $3.

The Warioware Series:

Do you understand what's happening here? Trick question, because no you don't.

But Wario wouldn’t just be content with platforming. Nope, he’d invent a whole new genre of games with the Warioware series, known for the incredible abundance of mini-games fired at lightning speeds. Each mini-game lasts for less than 5 seconds in some cases with a simple instruction like “Pick” or “Land” or “Chop” or something like that, purposefully disorienting you to make the challenge that much greater. Add to this a weird factor I can’t do justice to in words and you have yourself a winner.

The Warioware series would have a number of imitators over the years, as well as it’s own sequels whenever a new piece of Nintendo technology was introduced, such as the DS’ touch screen, tilt sensors for the GBA, or the Wii’s motion controls. For me though, my favorite game was the GameCube version. The controls lacked a gimmick, which I was fine with, but is supported excellent multiplayer. Take advantage of its obscurity and pick it up on Amazon while you have the chance.

Luigi’s Mansion:

A simple concept that turned out to be extremely enjoyable. Bravo on the launch title!

A lot of people were disappointed to learn that Mario wouldn’t be starting the GameCube off as a launch title, but rather his green-clad brother, Luigi. He wouldn’t even be platforming. Instead, Luigi was thrown into a ghost-busting adventure in a haunted mansion and while most people couldn’t get into the concept, I was amazed with what the new hardware could do. The lighting effects were amazing, as well as some of the finer graphical points. But people just couldn’t get past the obvious omission of Mario.

Mario was in the game though. The whole point of Luigi going to the mansion in the first place was that Mario was missing, except this time it didn’t include geography and learning, thank God. It was all about Luigi going room-to-room with a vacuum cleaner that could suck up ghosts. I’m still wondering where the sequel for the Wii is since it seems like a no-brainer of a concept. Flashlight? Perfect for motion controls. Vacuum cleaner? Also perfect for motion controls. Where is this game Nintendo? Oh well, the original’s a steal wherever you go looking for it, and as usual, I recommend checking Amazon first.

Super Princess Peach:

If you don't give this one a chance just because the main character's a girl, you fail at video games.

What’s this? The Princess is the main character, not Mario or even Luigi? Yes, Peach got her first taste of stardom with Super Princess Peach, a platformer with its own style. I spent this last December tracking down a copy for my wife as a Christmas gift, and naturally I had to play it was soon as she was done. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that not only wasn’t the game lame, it was pretty darned good.

My only major gripe is the lack of a resolution to the umbrella’s story. They set up Peach’s umbrella sidekick with its own backstory, but they never really resolve it. At the end of the game Peach saves Mario and that’s that. No closure, not even with a 100% completion ending. Even if you have a slight curiosity, please do get this one. It gave me a solid week’s worth of gaming and I enjoyed every minute of it, more or less. Save some time and just take the online route rather than the painful trek I had from store-to-store.

Those are the main Mari spin-offs I played, though there are a lot more, believe you me. Yoshi, naturally, has a handful of games I didn’t even mention. And Wario only got a small section despite his dozen or so games. Of course, my Mario retrospective isn’t over yet. We’ve still got sports, karts, and RPG’s to talk about, but that’s something for another day. Come back late next week to read part 4. In the meantime, leave some more Mario comments, this time on his side-characters and the also-rans of the series. What is your favorite spin-off series? Or do you even bother? Me, I’ll just wait patiently for Luigi’s Mansion 2. I may just be waiting for a while.

Need more Mario? You can find him in these articles:

-Mario: A Retrospective Part 4

-10 Games To Play on Thanksgiving

-Games You Should Have Played: Super Mario Bros 3

Who's gonna make the list?

I can’t stop thinking about the Super Mario series of games no matter how hard I try (which isn’t very hard actually). I keep coming back to my favorites and remember what made me fall in love with the plumber in the first place. So I thought, “Hey, New Super Mario Bros Wii is out now and this week is Thanksgiving, so what better time for me to rattle off my favorite Mario enemies?” I instantly agreed with myself and began searching through the Mario database to remember each and every enemy Mario has ever faced. After searching I discovered I couldn’t limit myself to just 10, so here it is, my list of the 20 Greatest Mario Enemies.

20. Wiggler:

Right, like this guy's gonna harm me?

One of the best parts about the Mario games is the way enemies don’t always make a whole lot of sense. Take Wigglers for example. Initially they look like cute, happy caterpillars just boppin’ around, doin’ their own thing with a pretty flower on their head. But then you stomp on their flowers and they go nuts. Suddenly they freak out, turn red, and bum rush you. All because the pretty flower is now gone. You heartless monster.

19. Blargg:

That's my reaction to Blarggs, too.

Fun to say, more fun to pretend to be. I’m assuming a Blargg is a type of fire dragon thing as they live in lava, only to pop their eyes out and lazily dive at you with a “Blargg!” sort of sound. Take a second now and go find your sister (or brother if he’s been particularly evil to you lately). Hide somewhere and when they come by, jump out with a “BLARGG!” If that isn’t fun, I don’t know what is.

18. Fawful:

Always play your Mario & Luigi before bed.

Sometimes people just don’t heed my advice. If you don’t know who Fawful is, you’re probably not heeding it. Have you heeded? I bet not. Go play Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga and you’ll know exactly who this little bean of hilarity is. Known for his catchphrase “I have fury!” Actually, this may be the proper response to “BLARGG!”

17. Dino Piranha:

That's it, I'm replaying Super Mario Galaxy this week.

Super Mario Galaxy did a lot right, but it didn’t add too many new enemies that stood out for me. It did however bring back a favorite of mine in this Petey Piranha upgrade. The Dino Piranha is like Petey Piranha on steroids, and while I don’t endorse the use of drugs other than Super Mushrooms and Fire Flowers, I do support the revamped primal-urges of the Dino Piranha, such as “Destroy!” and “BLARGG!”

16. Francis:

It's like they took my high school self and made a video game character out of him.

The Paper Mario games have a way of getting funnier and funnier with each new sequel. When I heard about Super Paper Mario, I wasn’t too enthused since it wasn’t going to be an RPG like its predecessors but rather a 2-D/3-D platformer. And then I got to the third world and encountered Francis the chameleon, an uber nerd. When Princess Peach attempts attacking him, he boots Swoon.exe, a program that’s primary function is to talk to girls. I think this quote says it all: “Booting up Swoon.exe! Activating Nerd2Babe interface mod with real-time wooing!” That’s priceless.

15. Kriffid:

Beware the deadly fish-bush!

You’re going to find a good handful of Super Mario RPG enemies showing up here, with the first being Kriffid, a bush-like thing. Or maybe a fish-like thing? I think it’s closer to a fish-bush actually. The first time I encountered one of these things I thought there was a mistake and the game didn’t load the proper enemy. Then the bush opened up and a fish enemy scuttled around and wasted my face using electrical attacks. I’ve been terrified of bushes ever since, a trait shared only by a few select individuals in history such as Moses.

14. Super Koopas:

More powerful than the Justice League.

“Why haven’t we seen Koopas yet?” Is that what you’re asking? Well, I thought about them and determined that Koopas kinda suck. Yes, I enjoy them and all, but what does it say about you when you get stomped on and then killed with your own shell? That’s like if I was punched, my shirt fell off, and then someone strangled me with my own shirt. Well, Super Koopas don’t have that problem and they don’t take guff from no Mario. They can fly and they do so in groups, making normal left-to-right gameplay a massive hazard of flying doom.

13. Ptooie:

This is why I don't travel.

Ptooies are cheaters, plain and simple. I first saw these in Super Mario Bros 3 and since the day I witnessed a Piranha Plant walking about outside a pipe, keeping a spiked-ball suspended merely by blowing, I called foul play. Something about that just never seemed right to me as I was just used to the idea of deadly plants emerging from usually safe plumbing. Now suddenly they could walk about and become massive annoyances. No, that’s just too much. Red Flag called on account of absurd.

12. Jinx:

The original Napoleon Complex.

Here’s another from Super Mario RPG, and while I love this enemy, you don’t technically have to fight him if you don’t want to or if you suck at the game. The picture there doesn’t really do him justice as this dojo master is roughly the size of Mario’s foot, yet can lay the smackdown like no body’s business. He’ll leap at you with a flying kick, jump behind you and explode your Achilles tendon, or just hit you with a giant bullet that comes from nowhere. Simply, this guy owns you.

11. The Koopalings:

Glad to see you back, but what took so long?

Well, they didn’t quite break the top 10, but they came close. Why don’t they make it higher? Well, they got overshadowed by Bowser Jr, that’s why. First seen in Super Mario Bros 3, each Koopaling had its own airship and my budding gaming skills were no match for their “Jump on me three times” defenses. They returned in Super Mario World to get beaten again, and once more in Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga. Finally they get revived for New Super Mario Bros Wii and for that I couldn’t be happier. But still, I’ve got better enemies waiting just ahead.

10. Fuzzy:

Remember kids: Don't do drugs.

“Touch Fuzzy. Get Dizzy.” Simple words for a simple concept. Everyone that’s played Yoshi’s Island knows what a Fuzzy is. Think of them as our real-world equivalent of a kick to the head, or really cheap beer (I prefer the kick to the head). If Yoshi so much as brushes up against these little puffs the screen gets distorted and causes much difficulty with controls. All you can do is just sit and wait for the effects to wear off.

9. Angry Sun:

Why I don't leave my house when the sun's out.

Super Mario Bros 3 was a hard game because everything wanted you dead. Even the sun. Yes, the sun would scowl at you from the sky until it eventually couldn’t take any more and began dive-bombing every chance it got. And it wouldn’t even smile if it killed you, either. I remained angry. You’d go “Whoop! I died!” and fall off the screen, but the sun would still scowl like you’ve caused him far too much grief for your death to matter anymore. What did you do to him anyway? Did you murder the sun’s son in a previous game? Something to think about.

8. World 1-1 Goomba:

"AHHH Motherland!"

No other enemy on this list has as many kills racked up as this one simple murder machine. Goombas as a people are pitiful, stupid enemies that hobble back and forth, hoping you’ll step in front of them as they slowly bump into you. But this one lone solider stands as the very first enemy Mario encounters in Super Mario Bros and somehow year after year, new players pick up the controller unaware that they should jump over this stupid Goomba and instead suffer the ultimate fate. Even worse is when a seasoned player loses patience and rushes headfirst into death by accident while their friends shake their heads in shame. Yes, I’m speaking from experience.

7. Booster:

I wish I looked like this.

One of the most memorable characters from Super Mario RPG was this rough-faced scoundrel that goes by the name Booster. He has his own tower that he typically just plays around in while riding a train, but Princess Toadstool fell from the sky after the events at the beginning of the game and landed on his balcony. Therefore, he figures he should marry her since he’ll get a cake out of it. Pretty much, I sort of want to grow up to become this guy some day.

6. Pionpi:

These WILL kill you, no arguing.

Super Mario Land was always odd to me, since the English version didn’t change the Japanese enemies’ names. I always thought they should have renamed everything so you could describe them easier to your friends, since we did that anyway. “You know those Jumpy-Spiders?” “Oh, you mean Kumos?” “No, I mean Jumpy-Spiders, jerk.” By the time you get to the fourth world, which has a very distinctly “Chinese” vibe to it, you encounter enemies that look like Chinese people hopping around without much thought. They’re actually called “Pionpi” and are based off of ghouls known to Japanese people, but come on, they look just like evil Chinese people mindlessly hopping back and forth. Like I’m going to listen to Japanese developers when they says, “No seriously, we weren’t making fun of Chinese stereotypes or anything.” Don’t believe you. Plus, these enemies never die! They just get mad!

5. Boss Bass:

I know you've been eaten by one of these at least once.

BLARGG! Second only to that stupid World 1-1 Goomba in aggravating deaths, Boss Bass is the fish from Super Mario Bros 3 that swims around and hops every so often. If it catches you in its mouth, instant death. No chance to get out of it, you just die. You can kill these with a well-timed throw of a block or a shell, with a fireball, or even just grab a star and give the jerk a taste of his own medicine. But then he comes back! What the heck?! These should have been called “Blarggs” instead of those lava dragons.

4. The Rawk Hawk:

"Can you smell what the Rawk is cookin'?!"

Now we’re talking. “Are you ready to get RAWKED?!” Yes, I am ready. You have a brief stint as the Great Gonzales partway through Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door where you fight your way through the Glitz Pit to take on the champion. And who is the champion? A hawk that knows Lucha-style moves and spews catchphrases similar to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. If he’s losing he’ll even jump up to the rafters and shake down debris. I was almost sad to kick his butt.

3. The Koopa Bros:

They're the world's most fearsome fighting Koopas!

C’mon, like I’m not going to include the obvious Ninja Turtle reference? The Koopa Bros show up as the first real bosses of Paper Mario and do a fairly competent job of dealing some punishment should you not focus your attacks very well on stopping their ultimate attack of hopping into each other’s backs and launching a spinning tackle. Plus they get cool theme music to beat your face in. I really want to see these enemies come back but we haven’t seen a bit of them since the end of Paper Mario.

2. The Axem Rangers:

Go Go Axem Rangers!

First the Ninja Turtles, now Power Rangers? You bet your sweet bippy. My favorite enemies from Super Mario RPG came near the end but when they showed up I was totally blindsided. I got destroyed the first few times I tried fighting this hardcore team of Smithy’s most loyal but with enough practice I figured out the secret. However, no fight with them is ever simple since each member gets an attack and the Black Ranger attacks twice. They can scrape your sorry team in one move if you aren’t careful. And once you knock out all five, that’s it, right? Wrong! They get behind the Megazord head and fire the Breaker Beam at you, leaving you clinging for dear life.

So who can possibly beat super Koopas, Blarggs, giant fish, cheating plants, Chinese stereotypes, a Lucha chicken, the Ninja Turtles, and the Power Rangers? Oh, I think you know.

1. Giga Bowser:

"Please give me all your faces for I now own them!"

Like there was any doubt who was going to top this list? Bowser appears in just about every single Mario game and causes more than his share of chaos, but Bowser felt a little too simple to top the list. In comes Super Smash Bros Melee with a final boss battle against a Bowser reborn as Giga Bowser. Basically, take Bowser and increase his killing power, making him an unstoppable force of destruction. All he has to do is headbutt you and dark energy sparks from his noggin. Why? Who cares? Giga Bowser could take on every enemy on this list and not even lose a life, and that’s why he makes the top of the list.

Do you disagree with my list? I bet you probably do since everyone has his or her own favorites to talk about. So tell me about them with a comment or two. There are hundreds of enemies in the Mario universe and I only touched on 20. There’s plenty of room for your voice to get heard, so let’s hear it!

Nintendo has never shied away from making what some would call “risky” moves, something the Wii has shown us with gusto. I had the classic gray brick Game Boy as a kid until finally the Game Boy Advance did away with the need for any previous Game Boy iteration. But it wasn’t to last, as the Advance SP came out and made me extremely jealous of its backlit glory and rechargeable battery core. And then came the DS, and I was hooked all over again.

The first Christmas the DS was out, I was lucky enough to get it sneakily wrapped in a box with a shot put to throw me off, (no pun intended). I had the Alpha version of the system, so when the Omega came out as the DS Lite, I was jealous again but refused to drop the cash for the definite new upgrade.

Now we have the DSi, yet another upgrade to the DS, but this time we’re losing some aspects as well, and it makes me very sad. The drawing point of the DS for me was the inclusion of a Game Boy Advance slot, allowing me to play Advance games on my DS without having to spend copious amounts on batteries, as well as having it backlit at last. But the DSi doesn’t have a slot for Advance games, eliminating it to make room for two cameras and new internal memory. The loss of the Advance slot was what kept me from upgrading.

But we’re not just losing everything here. We are gaining the use of a new service that allows us to download DSiWare games, and while the majority of them are just fancy clocks, there are a few shining examples of excellent titles. Basically anything listed under the Art Styles logo is considered fantastic, but I still haven’t been convinced to plunk down my money for another full system when my original DS works just fine.

As noted, two cameras have been added to allow for you to take pictures and then dink around with them similar to the Game Boy Camera from the old days. But the quality is roughly the same as a decent cell phone, so the feature is somewhat underutilized at the moment, lacking the drawing power it’s attempting to sell the system with. It also gets an Internet browser, but once more, nothing a decent phone can’t do.

All in all, while the DSi isn’t a bad system, if you already have a DS there’s really no fantastic reason to buy the DSi, especially at $169.99. Then again, if you don’t already have a DS, now may be a good time to give it a try.