The round-up

It’s the end of the year and that means it’s time for the requisite “Best Of” lists all over the place, and I’m not above pandering to readers nor search engines, so I’m going to run down some of biggest games for the Xbox 360 for 2011. However, rather than talk about how great these games are I’m to talk about why I didn’t play any of them.

You don’t need more than two hands to count all the big retail games on my shelf, and even then they’re all more than a year old. The one big reason I don’t typically go for new games is pretty simple…they’re expensive. At $60 a pop I find it hard to justify buying more than one or two new game purchases a year. My solution is to then buy the games once they go on sale, down to around $30, so when everyone else is playing the latest and greatest, I’m digging into last year’s popular title. Most games don’t get any worse the older they get, so I don’t see any reason to rush to play them.

I’ll admit that it can be hard to not give in to all the video game hype that comes and goes every year, but for the most part many of the those big name games just don’t interest me. Nonetheless, lets look at some of these games and find out why they didn’t warrant a purchase.

Doesn't this guy get tired?

Gears of War 3

Gears of War 3 is easily the biggest and most popular Xbox exclusive that came out this year, at least if I look at what my friends are playing. Every time I log on, somebody is playing Gears. To best honest, I haven’t even played Gears 1 or 2. It seems like a game that I could get behind…lots of guns, explosions and sci-fi action…but every time I see screen shots or gameplay of Gears, I just get the sense that it’s a game I’ve played before. Just more of the same. In many ways that’s unfair because very few of the games we play are new, but hey, that’s just what I see.

Easily the best looking driving game.

Forza 4

I’m a car guy and I love driving games. I have more driving games than I know what to do with, so what if they’re a couple years old? Driving is driving. I learned my lesson about driving games when Gran Turismo first came out. I was all about GT because if you wanted a driving game, that was the game to have. I was supposed to be playing Gran Turismo, so I did. But it didn’t take me long to realize that I absolutely hate simulation driving. When it comes to car games, I just want to get in and go. I’m not interested in tweaking brakes or adjust spoilers. I don’t want to worry about suspension or exhaust manifolds. Just driving in a straight line and making it around the track in time is challenge enough. Forza 4 is a great looking game (I did play the demo) and it certainly does all the cars in the game justice, but between Blur, Split Second and Dirt, I have enough racing to last me for years.

Halo Anniversary

No game is more associated with the Xbox and Microsoft than Halo. I will acknowledge Halo‘s importance to first-person shooters on the console but at the same time, by the time Halo came around I had been shooting people for years on the PC…it was nothing new. And when it comes to shooting, I need a game that has a little more “reality” in it. Shooting laser guns and wielding purple crystal swords doesn’t really appeal to me. When I have the urge to shoot people, I’m more of a Call of Duty guy…and speaking of which, I haven’t played MW3 nor Battlefield 3 outside of demos. I feel they are better FPS games overall compared to Halo, but I got really burned out on MW2 and Black Ops, so I’m taking a shooter hiatus.

Dance Central 2

This one is going to be short and sweet. I don’t dance. Dance Central 2 could very well be the best dancing game every released. From the looks of things it is most certainly the next step up after the DDR games from several years back. Of course, I’m also on the side of the fence that isn’t impressed by the Kinect nor do I believe that it is the future of gaming or interaction, and thus I’ll never buy the Kinect.

What's next? Arkham Universe?

Batman: Arkham City

I know Arkham City isn’t an exclusive Xbox title, nor are any of the titles from this point on, but it was a big release this year and just one more title I’ll be skipping. Don’t get me wrong, I like Batman…I mean, it’s Batman…but I was so unimpressed by Arkham Asylum last year that I have no desire to dig into the sequel. I was excited for Arkham Asylum but I didn’t even finish it because it got boring. It was a bit too repetitive and long for me and Arkham City doesn’t look any different.  There was too much “go here to find that”, then “go there to save that person” followed by “go back to where you just were”. It doesn’t matter if it’s Batman, Superman, Star Wars or Care Bears…that cycle just gets old quick. This same curse also extends to the new Assassin’s Creed Revelations, which is pretty much just Batman in the 16th century.

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

If you’re a RPG fan then from what I can tell, Skyrim is the ultimate game. The game looks great and it’s filled with all the creatures you would expect to find. The game seems endless…too bad I’m not an RPG gamer. Considering I thought Batman was too long and monotonous, you can imagine that Skyrim looks 1000 times longer to me. I get the excitement in exploring an open world while fighting dragons with my giant axe, but I just don’t have the time to invest in games that require a lot of brain power. Whenever I’ve gotten into these games in the past, I do so for a couple weekends and then I stop playing. The trouble is then when I come back to the game, I’ve forgotten everything and I feel like I have to start over…tis a vicious cycle. However, if I was to need a single RPG game to play and love, it looks like Skyrim would be it. And to all of those that can endure hours upon hours of open world gaming, I commend you (and maybe envy you).

Does this make me a bad gamer?

After complaining about a bunch of video games I haven’t even played, you’re probably questioning my gaming credibility, and I wouldn’t blame you. I’m sure you have all the games I talked about on your shelf right now and you’ve maybe even completed them and taken them back to GameStop already. I just enjoy the smaller arcade games a lot more. Not only do I think they’re more challenging but they fit nicely within my gaming ADD. I’m just not a big game player, and while that might not make me your typical gamer, I can tell you it keeps a little more money in my pocket.

Is the Wii a bad system? Let's Think Deep.

At this moment in time, the Nintendo Wii is set up to be known as the “winner” of the current console cycle due to the unexpected amount of sales and complete reversal from the previous console cycle. I for one couldn’t be happier for reasons I’ll get to eventually. Regardless of sales numbers, the Wii is nearly universally panned by gamers due to the high amount of shovelware populating the system. But does that make it a bad system? It got me thinking. What exactly makes a system good? Sounds to me like this would be a good opportunity for us to Think Deep. So Let’s, hmm?

“But The System Has So Many Bad Games”

The complaint I hear most often regarding the Wii has to do with the controls. Specifically, they don’t work. Publishers constantly release games that force the player to use either the Wiimote motion controls or even worse the Balance Board from Wii Fit that “works” about 25% of the time. This results in games that would otherwise end up being decent games turned into broken messes. It was a Godsend when Nintendo decided that Smash Bros Brawl would support GameCube controllers in addition to just about every other controller type they had. The complaint about controls is a valid one, but that doesn’t instantly mean the system is bad.

Right now we have the luxury of living in an age where there are three perfectly excellent systems to choose from. Even better is the effect the Internet has had on everything since reviews can come out before a game is even released, meaning that you know whether a game will be good or not. Think back to the time of the NES when the only system you could choose from was the NES. It wasn’t very simple to get reviews or news about specific games, so when you went to buy or rent a game, you did so almost entirely on the artwork and the description on the back of the box. How many NES games do you think were great? The NES was full of shovelware titles, as someone like the Angry Video Game Nerd can attest to, but I doubt anyone would ever call it a “bad system.”

Are you going to be the one to say the NES sucked? I don't think so.

Now we have the ability to know everything about a game before we even play it, plus there is an excess of reviewers out there contributing to the overall rating of a game (thankfully my silly little summaries aren’t counted in a game’s Metascore). The bad games get more press than they used to and the numbers we’re dealing with are heavily skewed. Simply put, the rating system isn’t perfect right now, but it does give us the ability to know more about our games in a way we didn’t have 20 years ago.

The Hardships of Luxury

So what does this mean for our friend the Wii? It means that everyone knows when a bad game comes out and gives the gaming community an opportunity to see the system’s shortcomings. The question remains though, “What makes a system good or bad?” Do bad games make a system bad? No, otherwise every system would be considered awful. As of now, all systems are roughly within the same general average game rating area between 65 and 75%, and that number is constantly shifting as new games come out. While the Wii may not be at the top of the list, it doesn’t mean it’s a crummy system.

The is the counter-argument for any Xbot speaking ill of the Wii.

Here’s the thing: People believe their favorite system is the best because it’s their favorite. What are your favorite games? If you love God of War and Metal Gear Solid, you probably believe that the PS3 is the best system and the other two are inferior. Huge on Halo and Gears of War? The 360 is clearly the best. Are you like me and love Mario and Zelda? How could the Wii not be the best system out right now? It’s all relative to what you like playing most.

To answer why I’m happy to see the Wii in first place right now, it all has to do with my favorite games. No, I don’t think the Wii is the best system out there, but I do consistently prefer it’s biggest and best games, such as Super Mario Galaxy, Twilight Princess, Metroid Prime 3, and especially Smash Bros Brawl. I’m ecstatic to hear that Nintendo’s doing so well because it means my favorite franchises will be around for a long time to come.

This is very much like the Console Wars of the early 90’s where it was either SNES or Genesis for the win. It didn’t matter what people said one way or the other about graphics or sound; it came down to whether you liked Sonic or Mario better and that was the decider. After the Genesis, Sega sort of lost its mind and ran everything that’s considered good about it into the ground. Sure, the Dreamcast was a nice glimmer, but it still failed due to Sega’s poor tactics in regards to marketing and just plain doing their fanbase justice. It’s only just now that they’ve announced Sonic 4, a game that fans have been telling them to make for over 10 years. I just can’t imagine the amount of agony a Sonic fan must have endured for over a decade, watching Mario fans get more or less exactly what they want while Sonic turns into a Werehog (which would mean “Man-hog” by the way).

Like him or not, this guy has ridiculous staying power.

The Year of The Usual Promises

2010 is promising to be a big one once again as Microsoft is releasing Project Natal and Sony is releasing whatever the heck its motion controller is called. If the Wii’s controls make it a bad system, why are its competitors, companies run by intelligent people, rushing to match the same “gimmick” that defines the system? Money, of course. The Wii has managed to bring in a share of the market that was previously untapped and created new gamers from the casual sector. If this means I have to deal with a few dozen shovelware titles so that I get a new Metroid this year, so be it.

It’s becoming very tiresome to hear every company or analyst decide that “2010 is the Year of the PS3” or the “Age of the Xbox” or whatever. Do systems ever have a year that is undeniably its year? Other than the Atari or the NES? And even if it has a good year, does it instantly make up for the previous years or any years to come? No, it’s just a gage for fans to based judgment off so that they can argue that their system is winning or losing or what have you. I love the Wii, but I’m currently playing tons of great games on the 360, and in a month I plan to spend an epic weekend with one of my best friends beating God of War III on the PS3. In the meantime, I still spend my nights playing my DS before bed.

So which system do I think is best? I couldn’t tell you. I can’t even decide which I enjoy playing the most. It comes down to my tastes at the time. I am plowing through game after game on the 360 because I missed out on a lot at the beginning of the console cycle, but I keep going back to my Wii to play Brawl every so often. Both systems have a valued place in my home, but I couldn’t tell you which is the better system. I think both have too many faults for me to consider either of them “the best,” but they’re nowhere close to “the worst.”

When Project Natal is released and has the typical smattering of titles built to demonstrate its capabilities and titles built to get money, will it ultimately decide the 360’s fate? No way. Fans will stick around and haters will claim the system is falling apart. It’s a cycle that will never end.

Has there ever been a system that you feel is perfect? For me, I was always happy with my GameCube. It was one of my favorite systems despite its lack of first-placeness. But what are your favorite systems and why? I loved my GameCube because I was addicted to the games and felt its titles were best suited for the sort of games I play. Still, that’s just me. I don’t think we’ll ever have a perfect system, but we can have systems that do what their fans need them to. Now it’s time to hear from the fans, so leave a comment about what makes a system good for you. Represent!

Yeah, I'd be tired of these quotes, too.

Gaming has begun moving past the point of a niche culture and broken into the mainstream. We all know this, so I’m not really covering new ground here. We’ve got a huge library of games to pluck endless references from, but something I’ve noticed is the same references come back again and again. These are some quotes that I hear people make probably a little more than they should. So here they were, the Top 10 Video Game Quotes That Need To Die.

10. “Boom headshot!”

You know what a headshot looks like, you expert snipers, you.

Anyone familiar with either First Person or Third Person Shooters are well acquainted with this little quote. Used after shooting another player in the head, this remark is typically uttered just in case someone didn’t realize their character died due to a missing head (though the missing brain could explain a lot). It may be a stretch to see this outside of the games, luckily not used during extremely serious and unfunny real-world events, but it’s getting more commonplace especially on college campuses. Yup, that’ll be a trend here.

9. “Finish him!”

Don't forget to say it with a deep, menacing voice.

Mortal Kombat introduced the gaming world to an abundance of over-the-top violence with fatality moves. Once a fighter is beaten up enough the announcer comes on and utters “Finish him!” This prompts you to, you guessed it, finish him. It’s a classic quote, but Mortal Kombat is moving past its prime to a place where it just needs to move on. I much prefer the Killer Instincts quote, “C-C-C-Combo Breaker!”

8. “Do a barrel roll!”

Thank you, Peppy. That was actually good advice.

Despite my affinity toward this Star Fox 64 classic, it has gotten heavily overdone. If any video pops up on YouTube with a roll of any sort (no one seems to understand what a “Barrel Roll” is), rest assured this comment pops up. It’s a shame since Star Fox 64 is practically a cheesy Sci-Fi action thriller with the amount of awesomely bad quotes to be pulled, such as “I can’t let you do that, Fox,” or “Something’s wrong with the G-Diffuser!” Yet only Peppy’s infamous line gets repeated in excess. What a waste.

7. “So I herd you liek Mudkipz.”

I prefer this version.

This little quote comes from the bowels of the Internet from a random story involving a Mudkip which you’ve either heard at this point or haven’t. For those of you not in the know, “So I herd you like Mudkipz” is an insult that roughly means, “You’re an idiot.” It was fun for the first year since it replaced one of the other quotes on the list for a while (Number 2), but now it’s lost its cleverness.

6. “All your base are belong to us.”

Of all the images I could have selected for this one, I sure went with the most boring, didn't I?

This is the original great Internet meme from long, long ago. Coming from Zero Wing, this piece of supremely poorly translated dialogue became fashionable since it was humorous to see where it could go, much like “Kilroy Wuz Here” from the past. So “All your base are belong to us” was photoshopped onto any and everything. Unsurprisingly, it had nowhere left to go, but it wouldn’t die. It’s far past its heyday, but if we’re not careful it could come right back. Better nip this one in the bud before it’s too late.

5. “Now you’re thinking with portals.”

These are portals. You, apparently, should be thinking with them.

Valve’s Portal is a Game You Should Have Played. However, it is sadly responsible for an explosion of references, specifically to the fact that the game requires you to “Think With Portals.” Suddenly every web comic around decided it was a good idea to do a comic where something goes in one portal and comes out the other, most of which were stupidly simple photoshops. Penny Arcade had a wonderful joke with a slide, but everyone else went ahead and did their free week of non-thinking for a webcomic, having their joke written for them. It was on all sorts of T-shirts and mouse pads, all because people were blown away with a simple yet brilliant concept. I’m glad I don’t get told nearly enough that all my problems boil down to me “Not thinking with portals.”

4. “Hey! Look! Listen!”

That you, Navi. That was actually good advice.

I loved Ocarina of Time. Everyone else loved Ocarina of Time as well. I never understood why, but regardless of the game’s love, people hated Navi the blue fairy, Link’s assistant and guide to the game. She was the curser to let you know what you were locked on to, and at times she’d say “Hey!” or “Look!” or “Listen!” I never found this annoying, but some people still can’t stand this. I’ll see web comics fishing for jokes with this tired one, placing Link in a straightjacket, gone mad from hearing Navi speak again and again. Leave it along already; it’s just not funny. It’s more annoying to have people draw attention to it.

3. “The Cake is a Lie”

I hate it when I'm lied to, especially if it's not a lie.

Another quote from Portal, and while it was the quote everyone seemed to glob on to like it was Shakespeare, the statement itself was a lie. You find this scribbled next to a deceased character in the game, telling you that the delicious cake GLaDOS is promising you is a lie. Suddenly this was the answer to every question ever. Princess kidnapped? Didn’t matter, the cake is a lie. Nuclear annihilation imminent? Who cares, the cake is a lie. You suck at a video game? Obviously you’re not thinking with portals since, you know, the cake is a lie. But like I said, at the end of the game you find out that the cake was real. “The cake is a lie” is a lie. Funny how that works.

2. “Take that, (Expletive Deleted)”

You probably just said this, didn't you?

Here’s one of the key reasons I rarely enjoy playing games online with people: I’m playing and either do something good or something bad, and either way someone whose maturity level is far too low decides to kill me, immediately following it up with a “Take that, (Expletive Deleted)!” Rest assured it probably has an F in there somewhere, and rest assured even more, it makes no sense on all sorts of fundamental levels. There are all sorts of variations on this quote, most of which could be lumped into “Anything Said On Xbox Live,” but we need this quote and quotes like this to pass on before it does more damage and makes the industry’s fans look like a bunch of idiots. Come on game players, we’re better than this. If you don’t say things like this online, give yourself a pat on the back. If you do say this, (Expletive Deleted).

1. “Thank you Mario, but our Princess is in another castle.”

You're darn right she better be. I didn't pay full price for a game with only one world.

The original twist in a game, after plowing through the first four levels of Super Mario Bros and beating what you think is Bowser, you discover a Toad in the next room that says, “Thank you Mario, but our Princess is in another castle!” This happens six more times, each time making you loathe Toads greater and greater. Eventually you do save Princess Peach and for your efforts you get a kiss. Now that we’re all 25 years older, the joke of the princess being in another castle doesn’t stop, nor does the joke that all Mario gets is a kiss or at times a cake if he’s really lucky (assuming the cake isn’t a lie). We’re past sexualizing Mario for a joke. It’s not funny anymore. When Seth MacFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, makes the joke, you know it’s gotten stale. Give us something new to play with already.

And that’s all the quoting I can deal with. Am I striking a cord here with anyone or am I just ticking you off like some of my previous Top 10s? Did I miss something that needed to be on the list? Or maybe you disagree with some of my choices? Comment, comment, comment. Because we can never stop hearing about these quotes.

Sometimes you've just gotta show your bro some love.

Who am I to decide what makes a good game and bad game? I’m about to tell you that Army of Two: The 40th Day is pretty unimpressive as a game.  But who’s to say I’m the correct person to say such a thing? It’s become pretty clear that I’m a Nintendo fanboy and that I’m very bad at First-Person and Third-Person Shooters (Army of Two is a Third-Person shooter), so why am I allowed to have a say on this particular game?

I’m Bitter and It’s Obvious

My opening paragraph may have given you some insight as to what I’m talking about and where I’m coming from for this game. I didn’t play the first Army of Two because it looked profoundly uninteresting and unnecessary. But I wasn’t the target demographic of “Yeah Bro!” I don’t like to play games with other people if I can help it, so when I get a game the first thing I consider is how much fun I can have playing it alone and how long said fun will last. The Modern Warfare games are good games for multiplayer, but the single player modes scream, “Rent Me” rather than “Day-One Purchase.”

Got a buddy? Hopefully they know what they're doing, otherwise they won't be your buddy for long.

Army of Two: The 40th Day returns with the same concept of the first; that of Salem and Rios (or whatever, it’s not like names mean anything to characters anymore for any game that has guns and grenades) are an army of two guys who must work together to be the biggest and baddest guys with guns in the entire world. Needless to say, they’re mercenaries, a profession that I also don’t see the fascination with since mercenaries are, by nature, hired guns with no emotion. If they display any emotion, they aren’t mercenaries anymore; they’re just chaotic one-dimensional characters with guns.

Obviously, I’m Still Bitter

Still, I’m digressing (perhaps something to talk about on a Let’s Think Deep article in the future). The point is, Stock Character 1 and Stock Character 2 must do…something that involves Shanghai. I don’t know, there isn’t a whole heck of a lot to keep my interest since, as I’ve said, I’m not big on these “Yeah Bro!” games. Anyway, the core gameplay mechanic revolves around the requirement of both characters being used while playing. The game is best suited for two-player co-op, but a single gamer can play along with a computer-controlled partner. A lot of the time it actually works better since the computer knows exactly what it’s doing this time around, so you can literally just sit back most of the time and let the game play itself. Naturally, I hate that, too.

Just shoot him and move on with the plot already.

Okay, so I’ll stop being grumpy for a bit and tell you what the game is doing well. Yes, it has made some major improvements over the first title in the series (good Lord it’s a series now). The multiplayer modes are still relatively forgettable, but the co-op campaign has some good stuff going for it. You will actually enjoy the story if this is your sort of game. I can step back and say that much with confidence: The campaign is enough to justify a rental rather than a pass. Just remember that you can rip through the game in one long sitting of six hours or so and there are few unlockables to keep you returning for more unless you want to get every mask possible for the duo or really like playing rock, paper, scissors during a tense fire-fight. Not kidding about that last part.

So yes, the game isn’t awful. You can find lots to like here, but can I stop for a moment and mention one of the big “features” Army of Two: The 40th Day is happy about? Okay, you ready? Morality Choices! Sigh. Sigh again, just for effect. I’m getting pretty sick of the morality choices in games since they seem about as stupid as “Punch this guy in the face or don’t, you have the choice!” These guys are mercenaries, since when do they have morals beyond “Highest Bidder Wins, Yo”? I’m still being unfair, and I realize this, but I don’t care about morality choices in a video game since that all breaks down to the level of what the developers feel is a morality choice and what I feel is a morality choice. Given the option, I would play the entire game without killing a single person, just because that’s what I would ATTEMPT to do in real life. I don’t have that option, so, morality choice denied. I can choose between shooting a tiger or not shooting a tiger, but not adopting the tiger or calling an agency that deals specifically with endangered species and having them deal with the choice. I’m a hired gun with a mission to do, why should I care about tigers?!

Okay, I’m a little all over the place here, aren’t I? You want a verdict? Parents, keep your kids away from this and all games like this as it will infect them with the worst case of Stupid that I can accurately identify. If you’re already past the age where you need to be protected from Stupid and Army of Two: The 40th Day looks fun, it probably is. A lot of people will find something to like here. The game plays well for as long as it decides to and if you enjoy it the first time around you’ll enjoy it again and again. If it sounded cool to you when you heard about it, then that’s all you need to know. It’ll be cool if you want it to be.

Sure it’s almost 2010.  But more importantly, there seems to be a great schism happening between gamers on the Xbox.  Halo held the top spot and redefined First Person Shooters.  Then along came Gears of War and the bar was set for Third Person Shooters from then on out.  Gears of War 2 is out now and already being enjoyed for all the right reasons, but does it put itself above Halo as the most popular franchise on the 360?

Who cares?

I’m not dealing with popularity here, nor am I dealing with fanboyism between Xbots and PS3 diehards.  Gears 2 is a good follow up to a good first game and I don’t mind seeing more Gears games.

For those of you who played the first Gears of War, the plot revolves around Marcus Fenix, a tough soldier fighting against The Locust, a species of…aliens or monsters or something, I don’t know, I wasn’t paying too close attention.  The important plot point to realize goes as thus: The world got annihilated by The Locust and now Marcus Fenix and a few other soldiers are one-man-armies, (well, maybe two-man-armies), about to bring the fight back to The Locust.  The second game picks up with Marcus on his wacky journey to the center of the earth.  Oh, and it’s straight-up awesome.

Gears is known for its cover system during firefights.  If you attempt to play this game like a FPS and rush into trouble, you’re probably gonna get scrubbed.  You need to stay down until the opportune moment to huck a grenade or score a headshot and the fluid cover system allows everything to play near perfectly.

Gears 2 keeps things fast-paced and interesting throughout the single player mode and makes for great co-op play with a friend.  Online multiplayer is done pretty spot on as well now that the initial release-day bugs have been repaired.

It should be obvious, but Gears of War 2 is rated M and definitely earns the rating.  The Lancer is a rifle with a chainsaw attached to it and curbstomps are mandatory moves for playing correct.  No kids allowed, please.  Especially online.