Here it is in all its "glory." You do not want this.

Do you like skateboarding? Do you like video games? Okay, let me stop you before you make a terrible assumption that if you like both you’ll like Tony Hawk: Ride since the game is awful. Lots of potential, but utter failure of a game. You want to know why? Because the game doesn’t work, and when the whole point of buying a $90 game with a peripheral shaped like a skateboard is to have it function like a real skateboard and it doesn’t, you’re getting ripped off. Wanna know more. Read on for your warning.

New Controller; Same Old Problems

Does this look cool? Too bad, because you probably won't get the controller to let you do this.

So the big thing about Tony Hawk: Ride is the actual controller. No, you don’t just use a standard controller like you probably want to. Instead, and because it seems like every developer thinks we want “realistic” games, we get a controller that actually looks like a real skateboard. Just, you know, without the wheels. The Ride controller is stood upon and used to perform all the tricks that “real” skateboarders can do, such as ollies, grinds, and grabs, plus some other jargon I’m not even going to attempt to pretend like I know (“Late 360 shove-it to boneless!”).

As you watch your character on screen move, you can adjust the controller to make him do something, like hop, by doing the correct motion on the board. Despite the fact that the whole point of the board controller is meant to make it more real, you do not have to flick the controller out from under your feet and then land on it again. You just tilt back and forth until your on-screen character does something that may or may not be a trick (faceplants are not tricks, though they look just as cool).

The Problem Is Deeper Than Commitment

To do this trick you'll have to grab the controller and hope it works after the hundredth attempt.

I could care less how good the game looks, because it doesn’t matter: the game is broken. The controller doesn’t work with any sort of precision and if you can make it work to do what the game’s asking you to do, why don’t you just learn to ride a real skateboard? I’ve heard the argument with Guitar Hero that you’ll spend all sorts of time learning to play a pretend guitar when you could just learn the real thing, but with Guitar Hero the core game is fun and requires significantly less time, effort, and money to pick up and acquire than a real guitar does.

Tony Hawk: Ride is completely off from the target it’s shooting for. It wants to make skateboarding accessible to a crowd that simply can’t get into real skateboarding but with all the effort you put into learning how to play the game you’ve just wasted learning how to ride a skateboard extremely poorly. And don’t say the upside is you don’t hurt yourself because standing on the Ride controller is extremely tough and will result in you falling off and looking like a goober. Do not even attempt Tony Hawk: Ride without enough space to fall over and not break things in.

Actually, don’t attempt Tony Hawk: Ride at all. There is an easy mode that allows you to forget worrying about steering and just focus on the tricks, but that sort of defeats the purpose of having a controller that wants you to replicate actually riding a skateboard. And of course if you try playing the game on anything harder than said easy mode then steering becomes the least fun thing you’ve done in a video game since having to buy a replacement Wiimote (those things are spendy!).

Just so we’re clear here, Tony Hawk: Ride doesn’t work. It doesn’t work and it doesn’t work. It makes absolutely no sense as a game since the point is to have a game where you skateboard, but learning to use the controller in an enjoyable fashion takes as much effort as going outside, dinking around on a skateboard, and learning how to actually ride one. Plus, parents, consider the difference of price. Tony Hawk: Ride has gone down to $89.99 after failing to sell well at $119.99, yet a real skateboard can be found really cheap (we’re talking $30), and a helmet to go with it costs roughly $20. Do some math there and you’ll see the better price, even with kneepads. Oh, and to close this out with an ultra corny pun-filled line, “If Tony Hawk: Ride is the next biggest thing, then I want off.” You know, because it’s a ride and…never mind.

Don't forget to tell the man in red what you want for Christmas.

Do you have a loved one who’s into video games? Are you yourself into video games? Did you forget that Christmas is fast approaching? Yikes, looks like you could use a helping hand when it comes to what games to shop for. Lucky for you, I’ve compiled a handy little list here of some of the best games from 2009. I don’t have them all, mind you, but I have a good selection to choose from. So get those pens and papers ready and your wallets out and let’s go over my Holiday Game Guide.

Nintendo Wii Games:

The Nintendo Wii is always a good choice for the casual video game player. You’ll find a lot of family and kid friendly games on the Wii, as well as a very low failure rate for hardware or controllers (which is very nice). Also, the interface is about as simple as they come.

New Super Mario Bros Wii:

No, I'm not going to stop telling you to get this game until you do.

By now you’ve seen both my preview and review for New Super Mario Bros Wii, so you already know everything I could say about this one. This is the best title for the system at this point in time, either for one player or multiple players, though it will take some getting used to when you have two or more characters vying for limited platforming space. Basically though, this one is sure not to disappoint.

Rabbids Go Home:

Chaos is about to happen, you can be sure of that.

Ubisoft has been pumping out these Rabbids games for the past few years and unfortunately they come with the connotation of “Shovelware titles” since they’ve previously only been a collection of minigames. Well, Rabbids Go Home is an actual adventure game with a real plot, and the game handles itself really well to diversify the gameplay into great bursts of hilarious antics spliced with good fun. Kids will love this one.

Punch-Out!! Wii:

Get used to this view because you'll be seeing it a lot.

For those on your list with a Wii but an unquenchable thirst for punishment, Punch-Out!! Wii is probably one of the best titles you could get for them. I have a review article on Punch Out wii from a few months back that goes into my thoughts on the game, but I really can’t emphasize enough how brutally difficult the game is. But don’t misunderstand, that difficulty is a good thing. You want a challenge? A FAIR challenge? Punch-Out!! Wii is that challenge.

A Boy and His Blob:

Remember kids, cute alien blobs sound like a good pet at teh time, but they grow up someday.

Slightly less of a challenge is A Boy and His Blob (Hey, I wrote a review of that, too!), a game with hand-drawn artwork and just the right amount of difficulty for midcore gamers (which is somewhere in between casual and hardcore). Also, you might notice that A Boy and His Blob is slightly cheaper than some other titles on this list. Good for the more value-minded among us.

Metroid Prime Trilogy:

Can you handle the awesome power of the Power Glove? Samus totally can.

You want value? How about three games in one? Metroid Prime is a trilogy that I place great stock in as one of the best video game trilogies to date. Now that it’s been packed into one case, there is no better time to give the gift of Metroid. If you’ve heard a guy complain about the lack of “non-kiddie” games on the Wii, see if he’s played the Metroid Prime Trilogy, and if he hasn’t, bam- you win Christmas.

Muramasa The Demon Blade:

I don't know what the heck that thing is, but I'm pretty sure it needs to die.

Please don’t pass this one up because you haven’t heard of it. Muramasa The Demon Blade is another game with hand-drawn artwork in it and even though it pains me to say this, “It is important to support hand-drawn art in video games so that we get more of it.” Hacking and slashing your way through this game looks better than some 360 games, purely because of the amount of detail done with the art. Also, the game is great. It’s a bit on the short side, but it’s also not overly expensive, either.

Xbox 360 Games:

Most of you probably have an Xbox 360. The 360 has the best online system for play at the moment and the best exclusive DLC, usually getting things long before the PS3 does. If you’re looking for a good gift for a 360 owner, Xbox Live Arcade Points is always a good idea, as well as a Gold Subscription for Xbox Live.

Assassin’s Creed 2:

Just give up now; you're not getting away from this guy.

One of the newest games on this list, Assassin’s Creed 2 is a game for the murderous hitman in all of us (or at least every college male). The game sets about correcting most of the faults people had with the first game and does a rather good job of improving as a franchise. Stealthy kills and parkour over rooftops just makes for a great gift, wouldn’t you say? Also on the PS3.

Modern Warfare 2:

You better make your next move count because you're losing at the moment.

Assassin’s Creed 2 is a single player title, but Modern Warfare 2 is a game almost best played online. The only thing I can fault this gift idea with is the fact that most people already probably have it. If you have a gamer on your list that loves First Person Shooters, ask if they already have Modern Warfare 2. If they don’t then they’re just hoping to get it for Christmas, so make sure to right that wrong. Also on the PS3.

Halo 3: ODST:

Still delivering the spank to alien scum after nearly a decade.

The Halo franchise is still going strong this year with Halo Wars and Halo 3: ODST. The star of the franchise, Master Chief, is gone from ODST, but surprisingly that doesn’t turn out to be a terrible thing. ODST is a good gift for anyone you know that can’t get enough Halo, but hasn’t been given enough Halo recently. Also, it makes for a good alternative to online play if you’re tired of Modern Warfare 2 kicking your butt.

Borderlands:

You know, I don't think those bird things should be up there. Better take them down just to be safe.

First Person Shooters and Role Playing Games don’t typically sound like things that go well together, but Borderlands proves the theory spectacularly incorrect. The art style (man am I talking about art styles a lot lately), is pretty fluid and the controls work as good as you could hope, but the selling point here is the sheer amount of guns you can collect. All the weapons in the game are randomized, making for constant switching and swapping to take place to find the gun that works best for you. Also available on the PS3.

Guitar Hero: Metallica:

I said it before and I'll say it again: No one can destroy The Metal.

Hardcore Guitar Hero fans, this is the game you wanted to play since Guitar Hero first came out. The entire tracklist consists of Metallica songs (gee, didn’t expect that), as well as a few selected songs from bands that toured with Metallica. The basic Guitar Hero format doesn’t change, but Metallica is the perfect band for causing yourself endless strife attempting some truly epic guitar parts. Also on the PS3.

Batman: Arkham Asylum:

Who doesn't love a good Joker choke?

I played through Arkham Asylum twice in one week. I don’t do that very often, but in this case I made an exception. In fact, I have nothing left to do in the game since I did everything possible. That’s how addicted I was to Arkham Asylum. It has the best combat system in any game I’ve played in recent years and excellent pacing to go along with it. Any Batman fans, this is the best gift out there. Actually, anyone with an Xbox 360 should have this one. Also available on the PS3.

PS3 Games:

The PS3 has recently dropped its price down to a reasonable $299.99, making it a decent option as a video gaming platform at last. And to go with that, it started getting some excellent games this year. But keep in mind that it’s still one of the best Blueray players currently on the market, so anyone you know with a PS3 is fair game for Blueray movies as well.

Uncharted 2:

Why does everyone insist on shooting you when you're running across dangerous bridges?

The best exclusive Sony got on the PS3 this year was without question Uncharted 2. I gave my review already, so you’re well aware of its system-selling qualities. It’s a game that plays like a movie, and a fun movie at that. It improved over the first game, making sure to fix everything fans disliked about the previous installment. Support companies that do this. It’s hard to find a video game developer that actually listens to its fans.

Ratchet and Clank: A Crack in Time:

Ready to waste more enemies Ratchet & Clank style? You should be.

While Uncharted 2 may be a bit violent for the younger crowd, it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t get an equally amazing game as well. The Ratchet & Clank series is solid all the way through, and A Crack in Time only continues this trend with great platforming and fun characters. Basically, Ratchet & Clank is the Mario for Sony consoles.

The Beatles Rock Band:

Remember kids: Don't do drugs.

Oh The Beatles, how more iconic can you get than the band that just about everyone respects? Somehow through some deal with demonic forces, Rock Band was able to make a version filled out entirely with Beatles songs (a feat I find difficult to imagine considering how tough it can be to get those rights). You can even buy instruments that look like replicas of The Beatles’ actual instruments. And the game adds harmonizing to the vocalists among us, a welcome new feature that should have been in Rock Band from the start. Perfect for Beatles fans, obviously. Also available on the Xbox 360 and Wii.

Killzone 2:

This is the reason you don't typically sleep at night.

Sony’s been looking for a worthy combatant to Halo’s crown, and Killzone 2 does a fine job of letting PS3 fanboys know that they have an awesome First Person Shooter as well. Killzone 2 was a long time coming, but it was well worth the wait. Don’t listen to any hype surrounding the game. Just be aware that the game is good and needs to be played should you own a PS3.

InFamous:

Yeah, I'd do about the same thing if I got electrical powers.

While it sounds a lot like Prototype, InFamous did its own thing with a sandbox-style game involving a character with crazy electrical superpowers that let him shock people, heal people, and even fly. That makes sense, right? Ah who cares? InFamous is a great gift for fans of super heroes that have to make many moral decisions between helping people and shocking people. The correct answer? Always shocking people.

Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2:

Man, being a ninja must be rough.

I was pretty bothered when I saw the ads for Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 since Ninja Gaiden 2 was SUPPOSED to be a 360 exclusive and I just can’t stand lies such as that. But then I found out that Ninja Gainden Sigma 2 isn’t just a port to the PS3. It’s actually a completely retooled game with extra characters and features. The game even got a little easier, which makes it accessible to a whole wider audience than the 360 version. They also scaled back the blood a little bit, but that doesn’t mean the game isn’t still meant for mature audiences only, since it absolutely is.

PSP Games:

The PSP is a powerful little handheld system, but it does have trouble coming up with solid titles to call its own. This year, Sony released the PSP Go, a new version of the handheld that eliminated the UMD drive altogether and does everything based on an internal memory system. Beware of this new system as it is incredibly limited in what games are available to download for it. Rest assured though, these three games are among the downloadable titles.

Soul Calibur: Broken Destiny:

Dang Kratos, why you gotta be like that?

I reviewed Soul Calibur: Broken Destiny already and mentioned how it is a perfect transition of the Soul Calibur series from consoles to handhelds. The big selling point is the inclusion of God of War’s Kratos as a playable character, but beyond just that the game is an excellent choice for fans of Soul Calibur that own a PSP.

Little Big Planet PSP:

Parents, better learn who Sackboy is now before it's too late.

Little Big Planet is a strange game. It’s a platformer that relies entirely on the player to generate content, forcing you to create levels to play after you complete the single player mode. This is the strength of Little Big Planet. The content is endless and the amount of things you can create is staggering. If you know someone that wants to get into designing video games and has a PSP but not a PS3, then Little Big Planet PSP is the gift to get.

Final Fantasy: Dissidia:

I can't even begin to explain this one.

Final Fantasy: Dissidia is a love letter to the fans of the long running series. It takes heroes and villains from every numbered Final Fantasy title and throws them into huge battles against each other. The gameplay is very similar to Kingdom Hearts and looks utterly confusing when viewed from the outside in, but once you get used to the mechanics of the game everything works great. This is a game that every Final Fantasy fan wants to have if they don’t already own it.

DS Games:

The DS is the cheaper of the two main handheld options, but it’s also the less powerful of the two. Typically that doesn’t stop it from pumping out some memorable titles as often as it possibly can and this year we got a nice selection. The DS in general is cheaper than the PSP or the three consoles mentioned earlier, games included, so it makes for good gift ideas such as cases or fancy styluses.

Scribblenauts:

Oh how delightfully absurd!

I gave a preview of Scribblenauts a while back (it should count as a review as well), in which I said you should buy Scribblenauts. I stand by that statement as the game came out and put me into shock with the kind of things I actually got to do. This game is for the creative puzzle solvers in your family and seeks to push them to think up new items to write in as much as possible. Yes, there are some control-based hiccups that can become downright infuriating, but overall the game is a great option for casual gamers looking for short play sessions.

Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars:

Seriously kids, don't do drugs.

The Grand Theft Auto series is usually only console-based, but Chinatown Wars burst out on the DS and showed that it can be just as good on a handheld. The style harkens back to the pre-GTA III days when the perspective was top-down but the action remains fast-paced and fantastic. However, this is GTA, so it’s not for the young kids out there. There is violence and theft and drugs and all sorts of bad things, but if the gamer is old enough to play, they’ll enjoy themselves here. Also recently released on the PSP.

Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story:

Please, just listen to me already. Why won't you just listen to me?

I’m just a Mario fan, and I’m guilty of telling everyone to go play the Mario & Luigi games more than I probably should, but I haven’t overdone my telling of you to buy this game for people you know and love. Bowser’s Inside Story is an RPG with Mario and his crew. Battles are turn-based but you constantly have to press buttons at the right time to either increase your attack or dodge an enemy, which keeps things from getting boring. Plus, the writing is as funny as ever. Great for kids and people that enjoy having fun while playing games.

The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks:

A great way to end the year.

On December 7th Nintendo will release The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks to a nation of people that so sorely need a new Zelda title. After giving a preview of the game, I got a chance to see a lot more in terms of what the game is about and how it’s played. At this point I’m happy to say that Spirit Track is infinitely better than Phantom Hourglass, making it a great experience for DS owners and Zelda fans. I want this game for Christmas, but I know I’m not the only one.

Obviously, this list isn’t entirely complete. My goal was to find a handful of good games for each system that show off the best the system has to offer in terms of everything. But I couldn’t include every single game that came out this year.

What games do you want for the holidays? What games are you buying for your loved ones? Do you have some suggestions or questions about any of these games or others? Post a comment and get the conversation going.

You see this? This is called a Grand Slam.

Oh joy! Not since my time as a wee child have I been so purely excited about a video game. Something about Mario always brings out the best in me. Given enough of Mario’s influence I might even go ahead and become a being of unadulterated elation, floating through the physical world as a glowing light that stops off every so often and anchors itself to New Super Mario Bros Wii.

So uh, I really like New Super Mario Bros Wii.

Now that the holidays are sneaking up on us, Nintendo has decided that we haven’t given them enough money. I say to them, “You fools, I’m not handing you any more money.” Their only response is, “Oh, okay, we’ll just take our new Mario game and be on our way.” So I have to rush over and stop them before they get away without my money. “Have double,” I say. And they say, “Nay, we only need $49.99. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.”

Same Game, Different Day

I mentioned New Super Mario Bros Wii a while ago with a preview article. Now that it’s out I can safely talk about every facet of the fantastic game. Xbox 360 and PS3 owners have their Modern Warfare 2, but Wii owners have this one and no reason to be jealous as a result. Everything about the new Mario Bros game harkens back to the good old days of platforming where there was no need for a story and no need for overly complex gameplay. There was just you, the controller, and tricky jumps to get frustrated at and cause you to throw the controller.

The classic power-ups are back with two new additions in the Propeller Mushroom (fun for high-jumps), and the Penguin Suit (slide on your belly, freeze enemies, and look adorable). I’m most happy to see the return of Yoshi in a Mario game since his last appearance was in Super Mario Sunshine and while I enjoyed Sunshine, it wasn’t Yoshi’s best moment.

Still The Best

Tilting your controller will change the angle the light shines at. Hooray for simple motion controls!

Level design is once again at its best with this one. There is a very good mix of simple levels and aggravatingly difficult levels but everything is paced in such a way that you won’t feel too pressured to just turn the game off after a tough level. Beyond just this, I want to talk about a new feature that may just change the landscape of video games. Let’s talk about the Super Guide.

Assume you’re having a particularly difficult time with a level and somehow die eight times in row. At this point the next time you start a level you’ll have the option of hitting a green block to let Luigi come in and play the level for you. Yes, that’s right, the game plays itself when it gets too tough for you. The computer-controlled Luigi doesn’t go out of his way to grab power-ups or coins or any bonuses for you but he does complete the level. You can even take over at any point if you think you’ve got the hang of things. The idea of having a game alleviate the difficulty so that you don’t just give up and move on to something different is beautiful in concept since it entirely gives you the choice. You don’t have to use the Super Guide, but the option is there.

Co-op Mario

Look how cute they are!

Multiplayer in Mario has always been limited to one player at a time. In New Super Mario Bros Wii up to four people can play at once. At once! And you don’t have to play nice, either. You can help each other out by grabbing another player and managing the jumping while they shoot fireballs or something. Or you can just toss them into lava and start laughing. You’ll have fun with this game no matter how many people you’re playing with.

I can’t give enough reasons to pick this one up. New Super Mario Bros Wii is perfection as a Mario game and a platformer. This is yet another excuse to purchase a Wii. If you already own a Wii, this is the game you should be buying next. I’ll run down a list of reasons to own it: Yoshi, Penguins, Koopalings, Super Guide, Four-Player Simultaneous Play, Fun, Entertaining, Amazing, Merry Christmas. That’s it, review over. Go get it.

Master Chief, eat your heart out.

Okay, is anyone really wondering if the sequel to Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare is any good? I almost feel worthless here trying to talk about Modern Warfare 2 as anything I say is basically irrelevant (a stark contrast to how things usually work with me). But the bottom line is that Modern Warfare 2 is a good game for both the Xbox 360 and the PS3 and makes a good holiday gift. So what more should I cover?

First off, should kids be playing this: No they should not. Kids, you have years and years ahead of you to enjoy life and not worry about wars and being told you’re a newb by someone that’s obviously better than you. The game contains adult themes and only people over 18 are immature enough to grasp such themes. Plus, no one wants to hear you on Xbox Live and your poor playing is making strangers dislike you. Unless you’re totally a cool guy and you know how to play well.

The Best Game FPS of The Season

Well, for starters I can give some pointers at how best to enjoy the game. For those of you playing MW2 for the story, you’re in luck, though I highly suggest you play through the first Modern Warfare before tackling the sequel. MW2 picks up five years after the events of the first game and it really shows. You’ll have a hard time following all the finer details if you aren’t already caught up to speed, plus you’ll miss out on the drama the story intends to create.

Still, Some Caution

I’d like to talk about the mild controversy surrounding the game for a second and then I promise I’ll get right back into the review. There is a point where you play as a group of terrorists and it can get extremely uncomfortable, to the point where you may not wish to play this part of the single player campaign again. However, this isn’t a bad thing.

This means Infinity Ward (the game’s developer), is doing a good job on a story level of creating aspects of the plot that hit on a gut-level and cause discomfort. That’s a good thing as any competent writer will tell you that the best thing you can do is force the audience to become uncomfortable with an aspect of the story because it feels too real or hits too hard (such as killing off a well-loved character and keeping them dead). Still, don’t let impressionable young gamers play this one. I’ll talk about that more later, but here’s the first warning.

Graphics Are At Their Best

Good, back to the review. You’ll notice that MW2 is graphically amazing. I get bored talking about graphics and I’m sure you get bored hearing about them but just take a look at some of the screenshots I have posted around here. Wait, let me get one for you.

Savor it for a moment.

See the amount of detail going into this game? Levels are extremely detailed to the point that you don’t just think, “Oh, this is the snow level,” but rather you get a sense that this is a snippet of the world this game takes place in. Every part of this game is working to establish environment and make the world feel more real and for the most part it works. You’ll have numerous times where the graphics will stun you.

Gameplay Also Superb

So let’s move past the graphics and into gameplay. Yeah, boring to talk about gameplay, too, as it either works or it doesn’t and the only time it’s fun to discuss a game’s controls is when they don’t work. Well they work great here. Hardcore fans of FPS’s may find the semi-auto aiming to simplify the game, but with the amount of enemies in any given level it’s hard to believe anything over 5% of players could ever hold their own. It works as a necessity and it works well.

Sadly, the single player campaign is short. I’m talking maybe 8 hours short, and that is only if you haven’t mastered the art of the FPS (I could probably get a lot more playtime out of the single player campaign than most of you, if that says anything about my abilities). The gold of the game doesn’t come from the campaign though; you’ll be sticking around for months because of the multiplayer.

Multiplayer For The Win

Protip: Getting in between a spray of bullets and a suckapunk is always a bad idea.

Dang, I probably should have simply told you MW fans that the multiplayer portion of MW2 is just as good, if not better, than the first game. That could have saved you a lot of time, right? Well you have nothing to fear other than a lack of interest for the first game since MW2 knows how to make multiplayer experiences work on an expert level. There isn’t a complete revolution of design here but I wouldn’t want a complete revolution of design any more than y’all probably want since it goes against the old adage of “If it ain’t broke, don’t mess with Modern Warfare’s multiplayer.” Ah the number of times my dad told me that as a kid.

Reading this review is just taking precious time away from playing Modern Warfare 2 and you know it.

Parents, just be aware of what your kids are playing and explain the difference between fantasy and real life so that they don’t do something they’ll regret later on, like calling someone at school a newb without realizing that person can see them and beat them up.