How could Rare ever let me down? Or did they really?

My Donkey Kong Country article helped wonderful childhood memories come flooding back into my mind all about the awesomeness that was Rare, the developer that owned the N64 without question. But then I started to think about the state of Rare these days and that fuzzy warm feeling rapidly faded away. If I can be so bold, what the heck happened to Rare? It’s time for a little retrospective and a short history on Rare.

Rare, The Early Years

Rare has ties far, far back. Whether you realize it or not, they’ve been developing games since the 1980’s. Ever heard of Battletoads? Despite how cruel the game could be in difficulty, it was awesome, and we have Rare to thank for that. However, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t until 1994 and Donkey Kong Country when you first started taking note of the company.

Seriously, this is just cruel right here, but still a blast.

Donkey Kong Country changed a lot of things in the industry thanks to the way the graphics looked. It was the first home console title to have 3D rendered graphics, graphics that still look good even by today’s standards. Killer Instinct followed and showed that Rare could appeal to both the kids and the adults in us all. After a few more Donkey Kong Countries and another Killer Instinct, it was time for Rare to take over Nintendo.

The Kings of the N64

The N64, despite having Nintendo’s name and logo branded on it, was Rare’s system. While I loved Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time, Rare had hit after hit after hit coming out throughout he N64’s lifetime. One of Rare’s first big successes on the console was GoldenEye 007, the game I still consider the best FPS of all time. So many hours got logged just playing through every level I possible could as fast as I could. I’ve never been better at a FPS since the days of GoldeneEye.

The enemies...well they weren't brilliant, but they sure were fun to shoot.

It’d been a while since Rare did anything with the Donkey Kong bunch, so when I heard about some new game called Diddy Kong Racing I was intrigued. Taking the basis of what made Mario Kart 64 so great, Diddy Kong Racing diverged with an actual story, numerous challenges, and simply an awesome game. While Diddy Kong appeared again, a few noteworthy characters were first introduced such as Banjo, as well as Conker. We’ll get to those guys later.

I actually really wanted to see full games made around the other characters, but it seemed only Banjo, Conker, and Tiptup would appear again.

In fact, let’s talk about Banjo right now. He’s half of the duo from Banjo-Kazooie, Rare’s take on the elements started by Mario 64. It didn’t copy it of course. Banjo-Kazooie did its own thing completely, establishing a whole world with new characters and rules and everything. I still remember the hype Nintendo Power successfully got me into before the game was even out. I saved for months and when I finally bought the title I did nothing but play it to 100% completion, all by myself. Of course, the ending promised a sequel, so I was entirely ready to get my face melted yet again.

It seemed to take forever for me, but Banjo-Tooie finally came out two years later and I was once again happy to play through it to 100% completion. It was a perfect sequel, adding just enough to make it different from its predecessor. The best add was certainly all the characters. Both titles did a fantastic job of coming up with hilarious and creative characters, plus good dialogue for an N64 title. There was just a lot of magic to the formula it created.

GoldenEye 007 set the stage and Rare followed that with Perfect Dark, an absolutely awesome title. It’s largely considered the spiritual sequel to GoldenEye since the two games play nearly identically, plus levels from GoldenEye were available in multiplayer. Rare was only getting better every title.

And here's where they hit their peak.

I was patiently waiting the true next DKC, and after all my waiting, Donkey Kong 64 finally appeared along with the Expansion Pak for the N64, an add-on that boosted the graphics somehow. For me, Donkey Kong 64 was the perfect game. There were endless variety in worlds, challenges, and characters, plus probably the best final boss fight I’ve experienced in any game since, as well as the best 100% completion ending bonus. I have a friend that has a yearly ritual where he and his twin brother play through DK64 yet again, just because it’s their favorite game.

Something seemed very strange to me though as Nintendo Power had told me about Conker 64 since the N64 was announced. For years and years I’d heard about this other 3D platformer Rare was working on. I even saw screenshots and the like for the game in progress, and I expected it to mostly be more like Banjo-Kazooie, something that didn’t bother me whatsoever. And then one day it just vanished from production schedules. Eventually, it reappeared as Conker’s Bad Fur Day, and oh boy, what a game.

Just look at that disclaimer. How could this game not make every kid want to play it?

Now at the time, I wasn’t old enough to play or even understand Conker’s Bad Fur Day, so I didn’t. I heard all about it, and mostly assumed it was just some filthy game since it was an M-rated game. An M-rated game? On the N64? I couldn’t fathom that. It wasn’t until my freshman year of college that I finally got a hold of a used copy for the N64 and played the game all the way through. And oh boy, what a game.

Conker had gone from being a cute little character like any other video game character to something completely offensive, a move that I applaud Rare for making. If they hadn’t scrapped the first concept, Conker 64 would have just been a mediocre title like all the other Also Rans of the N64. Instead, Conker’s Bad Fur Day is one of the most unique experiences you can have in video games anywhere. Seriously, there’s a segment where a giant poop monster sings to you in a fantastic opera voice. Can’t beat that.

A Falling Out

Still, Conker’s Bad Fur Day seemed to signal a shift in relations between Rare and Nintendo. For years Rare had been Nintendo’s go-to company for all things profitable. And then the GameCube was announced and things just crashed. The first and only Rare-made game on the GameCube was Star Fox Adventures, a random title due to the Star Fox formula getting tossed completely out the window for something closer to a Zelda title. Did it work? Not even a little. Granted, it was all because Nintendo saw Rare developing a game called Dinosaur Planet for the N64 and noticed the main character was a fox. “Hey, why don’t you just make this a Star Fox game?” That was that. A console generation later and Star Fox Adventures came out to confuse the heck out of Star Fox fans everywhere. On its own, Star Fox Adventures would have just been a cool title, but because it was considered a Star Fox game, things got ruined.

I don't know Fox, I didn't think your game was THAT bad, it just wasn't your game, now was it?

It wasn’t long after this that Nintendo axed Rare completely, sending them off to do whatever they liked. Microsoft instantly bought up Rare and turned it into a first-party developer. What games did we see on the first generation Xbox? Grabbed by the Ghoulies. Did anyone play it? Not really.

Since then, Rare has been incredibly hit or miss when it comes to games. They remade Conker’s Bad Fur Day for the Xbox, but it was just the N64 title with better graphics and more censorship, ironically. When the Xbox 360 was launched, two Rare titles were available. The first was Kameo, a game that people generally seemed to like but wasn’t very long, especially for a launch title, a title that’s supposed to justify the purchase of an entirely new system. The other title was Perfect Dark Zero, the actual sequel to Perfect Dark. It was universally panned for being buggy, boring, and just plain bad.

Hey, yeah, graphical updates are nice but not when the original game didn't need them in the first place.

The first really great Rare game came as Viva Piñata, an entirely unique game once again. People that played it loved it. Sadly, it still wasn’t played as much as you’d think it should have been since, well, it was a family friendly game on the 360. We all know where those games are supposed to go, and the 360 isn’t it.

For me, the final straw was Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts for the 360. Finally, a new Banjo-Kazooie game! Oh, it doesn’t focus on any of the elements that made the first two games fun? So it’s all about making vehicles and using them for different missions? And the controls are awful? Yeah I think I’ll just wait for you to try again and give us the game we asked for in the first place.

It's like they had no clue why people liked the first two games.

These days Rare is hard at work developing for Microsoft in all ways possible, what with Rare doing the Xbox Live Avatars and helping a whole ton with Project Natal, as well as releasing XBLA ports of Banjo-Kazooie, Banjo-Tooie, and Perfect Dark. But I’ve got to ask, is Rare way past its prime? Are we ever going to see another undeniably awesome Rare title come out? When are they actually going to give us a new Killer Instinct? Or for that matter, a new Banjo-Kazooie title the fans really want? Or how about the return of Conker?

The heads of Rare from the old days have disbanded at this point, so we’re left with a company that bears the brand name only. Is that enough to keep things going great? I want your input. Do you still have high hopes for Rare or have you moved on to something better?

Steve Wiebe speaks for all of us when it comes to devotion of arcade games.

Just the other day my wife and I found ourselves trying out a new pizza joint across town. To my surprise, they had a Punch-Out!! arcade machine set up in the corner. I was sad to discover that it didn’t currently work since it was in need of a new power unit, but nonetheless it got me thinking. If I had a house with a game room and enough money to fill that game room with whatever I liked, what arcade games would I put in there? Here are my top 5 choices in no particular order.

Raiden II:

Nothing brings back childhood memories like Raiden II.

I’m actually a huge fan of shmups, though you wouldn’t know it unless you caught me in an arcade going from one shmup to the next. Inevitably, you’d see me plant myself in front of Raiden II and never leave until I had either beat the game or ran out of quarters. I can’t explain just why Raiden II is one of my favorites but it might just come down to the ability I had to play it at most restaurants I frequented as a child. Go with what you know I guess, so Raiden II has to be featured in my game room.

The Simpsons Arcade Game:

Why can't I find these anywhere anymore?

Beat ‘Em Ups are another one of my favorite genres and they were never better than when they were in the arcade cabinets. While you’ve heard me talk about the Ninja Turtle Arcade Game, I have the home version on XBLA, so my need for it has diminished slightly. However, The Simpsons Arcade Game is still without a home port, so the only way I’d get to play this one is if I bought the cabinet myself.

Donkey Kong:

Man those classics are sweet.

If King of Kong has taught me anything, it’s that Donkey Kong is awesome. Ever since I saw the documentary regarding Steve Wiebe and Billy Mitchell’s competition to obtain the world record score, I always secretly wanted to break their records just for the heck of it. I’m nowhere near good enough to challenge any competent record, but all the more reason to need the arcade cabinet for practice. Maybe I’ll just rewatch King of Kong a few more times since it is my favorite documentary.

Dance Dance Revolution 8th Mix:

Like sunshine on a cloudy day.

I had to confirm with my DDR expert, Other Chris, to determine which is the best version of Dance Dance Revolution since there are roughly 10 mixes available. A good arcade can’t go without one of these machines though. I had Konamix on the Playstation and played it frequently, but nothing can compare to the actual arcade version. Plus, I’d lose so much weight from just doing DDR.

Killer Instinct:

No one's beating me at Killer Instinct, unless of course you know how to play it.

While I have the SNES version, the arcade version is undoubtedly better. I can get the same Street Fighter II or Mortal Kombat experience on a home console, but Killer Instinct is one arcade version I’d rather own compared to the home port. Besides, I just can’t get enough of stupid-high combos, followed by the inevitable “C-C-C-Combo breaker!”

These are just a few choices I’d have for my dream arcade, but buying a real arcade cabinet is incredibly expensive. What games would you guys include in your perfect game room? Or do you already have an arcade or two in your home? I’m curious if anyone out there has the sort of money to collect arcade games anymore. Leave a comment and let me know.

Yeah, I'd be tired of these quotes, too.

Gaming has begun moving past the point of a niche culture and broken into the mainstream. We all know this, so I’m not really covering new ground here. We’ve got a huge library of games to pluck endless references from, but something I’ve noticed is the same references come back again and again. These are some quotes that I hear people make probably a little more than they should. So here they were, the Top 10 Video Game Quotes That Need To Die.

10. “Boom headshot!”

You know what a headshot looks like, you expert snipers, you.

Anyone familiar with either First Person or Third Person Shooters are well acquainted with this little quote. Used after shooting another player in the head, this remark is typically uttered just in case someone didn’t realize their character died due to a missing head (though the missing brain could explain a lot). It may be a stretch to see this outside of the games, luckily not used during extremely serious and unfunny real-world events, but it’s getting more commonplace especially on college campuses. Yup, that’ll be a trend here.

9. “Finish him!”

Don't forget to say it with a deep, menacing voice.

Mortal Kombat introduced the gaming world to an abundance of over-the-top violence with fatality moves. Once a fighter is beaten up enough the announcer comes on and utters “Finish him!” This prompts you to, you guessed it, finish him. It’s a classic quote, but Mortal Kombat is moving past its prime to a place where it just needs to move on. I much prefer the Killer Instincts quote, “C-C-C-Combo Breaker!”

8. “Do a barrel roll!”

Thank you, Peppy. That was actually good advice.

Despite my affinity toward this Star Fox 64 classic, it has gotten heavily overdone. If any video pops up on YouTube with a roll of any sort (no one seems to understand what a “Barrel Roll” is), rest assured this comment pops up. It’s a shame since Star Fox 64 is practically a cheesy Sci-Fi action thriller with the amount of awesomely bad quotes to be pulled, such as “I can’t let you do that, Fox,” or “Something’s wrong with the G-Diffuser!” Yet only Peppy’s infamous line gets repeated in excess. What a waste.

7. “So I herd you liek Mudkipz.”

I prefer this version.

This little quote comes from the bowels of the Internet from a random story involving a Mudkip which you’ve either heard at this point or haven’t. For those of you not in the know, “So I herd you like Mudkipz” is an insult that roughly means, “You’re an idiot.” It was fun for the first year since it replaced one of the other quotes on the list for a while (Number 2), but now it’s lost its cleverness.

6. “All your base are belong to us.”

Of all the images I could have selected for this one, I sure went with the most boring, didn't I?

This is the original great Internet meme from long, long ago. Coming from Zero Wing, this piece of supremely poorly translated dialogue became fashionable since it was humorous to see where it could go, much like “Kilroy Wuz Here” from the past. So “All your base are belong to us” was photoshopped onto any and everything. Unsurprisingly, it had nowhere left to go, but it wouldn’t die. It’s far past its heyday, but if we’re not careful it could come right back. Better nip this one in the bud before it’s too late.

5. “Now you’re thinking with portals.”

These are portals. You, apparently, should be thinking with them.

Valve’s Portal is a Game You Should Have Played. However, it is sadly responsible for an explosion of references, specifically to the fact that the game requires you to “Think With Portals.” Suddenly every web comic around decided it was a good idea to do a comic where something goes in one portal and comes out the other, most of which were stupidly simple photoshops. Penny Arcade had a wonderful joke with a slide, but everyone else went ahead and did their free week of non-thinking for a webcomic, having their joke written for them. It was on all sorts of T-shirts and mouse pads, all because people were blown away with a simple yet brilliant concept. I’m glad I don’t get told nearly enough that all my problems boil down to me “Not thinking with portals.”

4. “Hey! Look! Listen!”

That you, Navi. That was actually good advice.

I loved Ocarina of Time. Everyone else loved Ocarina of Time as well. I never understood why, but regardless of the game’s love, people hated Navi the blue fairy, Link’s assistant and guide to the game. She was the curser to let you know what you were locked on to, and at times she’d say “Hey!” or “Look!” or “Listen!” I never found this annoying, but some people still can’t stand this. I’ll see web comics fishing for jokes with this tired one, placing Link in a straightjacket, gone mad from hearing Navi speak again and again. Leave it along already; it’s just not funny. It’s more annoying to have people draw attention to it.

3. “The Cake is a Lie”

I hate it when I'm lied to, especially if it's not a lie.

Another quote from Portal, and while it was the quote everyone seemed to glob on to like it was Shakespeare, the statement itself was a lie. You find this scribbled next to a deceased character in the game, telling you that the delicious cake GLaDOS is promising you is a lie. Suddenly this was the answer to every question ever. Princess kidnapped? Didn’t matter, the cake is a lie. Nuclear annihilation imminent? Who cares, the cake is a lie. You suck at a video game? Obviously you’re not thinking with portals since, you know, the cake is a lie. But like I said, at the end of the game you find out that the cake was real. “The cake is a lie” is a lie. Funny how that works.

2. “Take that, (Expletive Deleted)”

You probably just said this, didn't you?

Here’s one of the key reasons I rarely enjoy playing games online with people: I’m playing and either do something good or something bad, and either way someone whose maturity level is far too low decides to kill me, immediately following it up with a “Take that, (Expletive Deleted)!” Rest assured it probably has an F in there somewhere, and rest assured even more, it makes no sense on all sorts of fundamental levels. There are all sorts of variations on this quote, most of which could be lumped into “Anything Said On Xbox Live,” but we need this quote and quotes like this to pass on before it does more damage and makes the industry’s fans look like a bunch of idiots. Come on game players, we’re better than this. If you don’t say things like this online, give yourself a pat on the back. If you do say this, (Expletive Deleted).

1. “Thank you Mario, but our Princess is in another castle.”

You're darn right she better be. I didn't pay full price for a game with only one world.

The original twist in a game, after plowing through the first four levels of Super Mario Bros and beating what you think is Bowser, you discover a Toad in the next room that says, “Thank you Mario, but our Princess is in another castle!” This happens six more times, each time making you loathe Toads greater and greater. Eventually you do save Princess Peach and for your efforts you get a kiss. Now that we’re all 25 years older, the joke of the princess being in another castle doesn’t stop, nor does the joke that all Mario gets is a kiss or at times a cake if he’s really lucky (assuming the cake isn’t a lie). We’re past sexualizing Mario for a joke. It’s not funny anymore. When Seth MacFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, makes the joke, you know it’s gotten stale. Give us something new to play with already.

And that’s all the quoting I can deal with. Am I striking a cord here with anyone or am I just ticking you off like some of my previous Top 10s? Did I miss something that needed to be on the list? Or maybe you disagree with some of my choices? Comment, comment, comment. Because we can never stop hearing about these quotes.