Could there possibly be anything left for me to enjoy on yet another playthrough?

Currently the 3DS’ flagship title, Ocarina of Time 3D is my favorite game of all time remade with a graphical update, some tweaks to make controls simplified, and overall the addition of 3D. How can any of that not sound like a winner?

I’ll start with the graphics, since I’m pretty sure that no one needs a refresher course on the story here (Link must save Zelda and by extension also Hyrule from the evils of Ganondorf, there, happy?). Of all the things to get caught up in, I am genuinely surprised that the graphics ended up being my biggest purchase justifier. I’m just not a graphics person, I can’t be when I support Nintendo for so long and so adamantly, but I can’t help and just stare at the screen, seeing how the landscapes I grew up with have been carefully retouched to include smoother textures, more detailed features, and overall improvements.

For example, the ivy in the game used to be flat to the background as it was simply a bit of wallpaper to add detail and let you know that the wall was climbable. However, in the 3D remake, the ivy pops off of surfaces. Plus, and I may be mistaken, I think Link climbs faster this time around. Maybe I’m just way off?

So it looks nice, but what about the music? Is the music still great?

While the graphics became more powerful, the soundtrack was left entirely unaltered, save for a recomposition of the credits theme right at the end for the sake of the remake’s extra credits. I don’t quite know what to think of this. On the one hand, it’s nice that the original tracks were able to stand for themselves and show that they’ve withstood the ages as excellent songs. On the other hand, I’m a huge fan of revamped soundtracks and wouldn’t have minded the update to the sound one bit. Oh well, at least the music didn’t suffer at all, but wouldn’t it have been great to have something akin to Overclocked Remix’s excellent recomposed Street Fighter II soundtrack but for Ocarina of Time?

The controls though…well those didn’t suffer either. Everything is just about how you remember it with the touch screen only adding where necessary, not replacing what isn’t broken (thankfully). Now, instead of having three active item slots, you have four. Two of those are touch-based, which are definitely less responsive than the buttons, but letting them act as an item that doesn’t require constant use, like Deku sticks or the trading quest item, just shows their practicality.

Along with the touch screen comes some shifting around of the menus, so now the Ocarina is firmly located in the lower left of the screen and boots are no longer part of the equipment screen but rather actual items, allowing you to quickly take them off or put them back on with a single button press instead of navigating the pause menus. It speeds up the Water Temple a whole hell of a lot and for that I’m at least appreciative.

Success!

I will say this about the Ocarina playing though: Getting used to the new button layout will take a lot of time. I played Ocarina of Time on the N64 and then again on the GameCube, but here the buttons seem to be shifted 90 degrees. It’s not a deal breaker, but it’s somewhat frustrating to have to relearn the Ocarina after all these years of being a pro.

But does the game justify the need for 3D? The majority of reviews online tend to suggest that the 3D is a wasted feature that needs to be promptly switched off the second the game is loaded up. As I’m somehow immune to the “sickening effects” of the 3D, somehow, I left it on the entire game. As a result, those lovely graphics exploded even more into my face and rocked my socks harder than expected. Yes the 3D feature works and it is amazing. I didn’t feel like it was a gimmick and I didn’t feel it did anything except make the game look even more amazing. Full recommendation there.

I will admit to shutting the 3D off for these horse sections for some reason though. No idea why but I did.

However, I’m not so blind to nostalgia that I can’t see some flaws in both the remake and the original game. Replaying it now, I’ve gotta say, the bosses are so incredibly easy that it’s ridiculous. Perhaps I’ve just grown so used to them, but I didn’t once face a challenge here. I’m proud to say that I don’t have a single death recorded throughout the game, but I am a bit bothered that the death counter has been removed, so I can’t even prove it.

The game is beyond simple at its core. There’s little mystery and while you can explore here and there, the incentive to do so isn’t very high other than collecting rupees, a currency that loss all meaning about halfway through the game, and Gold Skulltulas, which ultimately reward you with the worst 100% complete gift ever of maxing out your rupees (which as I just said loses all meaning halfway through the game).

But, all of this is coming from someone who’s played the original game more than any other game. I know where everything is, I know how to defeat every enemy and boss, and I know exactly what’s going to happen next in the plot. I’m at an advantage and a disadvantage at the same time.

But what's new? What else have you got to get me to buy?

Thankfully for me there’s one part of Ocarina of Time 3D that I haven’t experienced yet: The Master Quest. Upon completion of the game, the Master Quest is unlocked, also known as the harder version of the game with a mirrored world and rearranged dungeons. I’ve never played the Master Quest before, and I didn’t particularly feel like purchasing the GameCube version since I already owned the Anniversary Collection, which includes a GameCube version of Ocarina of Time. The sad part is that you’re forced to play through the entire game to unlock the Master Quest, meaning that while I’ll play it eventually, I don’t have the energy to restart the game immediately from the beginning.

Honestly, I would really have loved some more content for longtime players such as a new dungeon or a new weapon or a new minigame or something. It’s nowhere near an aspect that’d push me away, as I was entertained the entire time and enjoying myself, but after getting all the Heart Pieces, upgrades, and beating the game, I was just sort of hit with a hollow feeling.

How much harder can this really be though? I welcome the challenge!

When it comes right down to it, Ocarina of Time 3D is worth every cent purely for the graphical update and the 3D functionality. The improved menu system only further adds to the title. Basically, if you’ve never played Ocarina of Time before for some reason, now is the absolute best time, and if you’ve played it as many times as I have but need an excuse to go through it one last time, here’s your chance.

But that’s of course just me. What have you guys thought of the remake? Did you love it or would you have preferred to pass? Leave a comment and let your voice be heard. Meanwhile, I have a Master Quest that needs my attention. Now if only we could get Majora’s Mask onto the 3DS…

Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword:

This could very well be the best Zelda if all goes well.

The biggest title Nintendo had showcased and the one that I’m most excited for is Skyward Sword, the next Zelda title, currently scheduled for the Wii this November (specifically the 20th). I saw this a while back at E3 where it was touted as the first Zelda title to really be made from the ground up as a Wii exclusive, complete with Wii Motion Plus controls (for better or worse).

Getting to play with the demo a few times, I’m happy to report that while the new controls will take a lot of getting used to, the game itself is exhilarating. Probably the greatest addition to the controls is the most insignificant to many players, but when I discovered that Link can now sprint when the A button is held, I was ecstatic. The only real downside to the controls is that the learning curve will look far different than most Zelda games as, just like you used to do when you were a kid, half of the difficulty will be in learning to play the game. Actually, scratch that, that’s not a downside whatsoever. Excited!

The graphics also shine far more in person than I expected. I was hesitant when I first saw trailers, but now that I’ve seen the game in motion, everything fits wonderfully. It’s simply a gorgeous game, pure and simple. And while visually it shares a lot of colorfulness with titles such as The Wind Waker, the tone still has some rather adult themes to it. A boss encounter with the Big Bad of the game was surprisingly sexual in a very subtle way. My full recommendation goes out to Skyward Sword at this point.

Mario Kart 7:

After Mario Kart Wii, I'm ready for something a bit more my style. Hopefully.

Another title I’m now more than pleased with, Mario Kart 7 has a lot riding on its shoulders. Mario Kart DS was the first title I bought for the DS and remains my favorite Mario Kart game, but now that I’ve played a few races of Mario Kart 7, there’s a chance that grand spot may be usurped.

It all comes down to hang gliders. Adding hang gliders and submarines to the series sounded rather strange, but they integrate seamlessly. When going off of jumps and such, gliders will instantly pop out of your kart, allowing you to fly a short distance back to the track and possibly zoom ahead of the competition. The same is true for the submarine propeller which appears whenever underwater. Both just feel like they’ve always been part of the series, or at least always should have been. This one is a definite Day One purchase for me.

Super Mario 3D Land:

How can I ever say no to a new Mario platformer, honestly?

Sure, this is a strange name, but the gameplay is perfectly in line with the Mario franchise. The level I played reminded me of a nice combination between parts of Super Mario Galaxy 2 and parts of New Super Mario Bros Wii. I made sure I picked a demo stage that featured the Tanooki Suit, and thankfully it’s a welcome return, even if it is sans full-flight. Just being able to flick the tail and lengthen your jumps is a great homecoming.

I did notice that the game felt incredibly slow, as in Mario’s running speed. He just never feels like he’s in a great hurry to get anywhere, evedespite there being a stage timer again. Even so, the platforming works great and the 3D is subtle enough that it works, making for another Day One purchase on my end.

Kirby’s Return to Dreamland (full preview via The Escapist):

Easy isn't always a bad thing.

I didn’t really expect Kirby’s Return to Dreamland to appear at PAX, but thankfully it was off in its own little area, just waiting to be tried out by anyone in reach. Myself, my wife, and Kyle and his soon-to-be wife all hopped into a game and started playing. Immediately things feel smooth and like a real return to Dreamland, as Kirby has his inhale/copy ability back at long last. Also, no artistic gimmick, for better or worse. Just straight Kirby action like we grew up with all those years ago.

However, the twist here is the four-player simultaneous play, much like New Super Mario Bros Wii. Except here since everyone is capable of infinite flight, you don’t really have the risk of causing other players to simply fall to their death. Unfortunately, with four players the game also becomes faceroll easy. We were able to just rush through the stage mashing the attack button as fast as we pleased and nothing stood in our way, though it was only the first level, so who knows how hard the rest of the game will actually be.

Fortune Street (full preview via Destructoid):

There's not a bit about this image I don't fully endorse.

The biggest surprise from Nintendo’s playable demos was Fortune Street, a title that’s apparently number 7 in a long line of games native to Japan. Square Enix and Nintendo are taking the chance and giving the US a taste of the series, which feels like a perfect mixture of Mario, Dragon Quest, and Monopoly. Most people walking by thought it was a new Mario Party title, actually getting kind of mad for no good reason, but it certainly isn’t a Mario Party game as there are no minigames to speak of.

Instead, the goal is to go around elaborate game boards and collect properties, then improve them in order to increase your assets and overall money, ultimately gaining enough to be determined the winner of the match. It’s incredibly simple despite the finer points (which are more complex, such as dealing with the stock market and making deals with players), and oddly enough my wife and I found ourselves addicted to the game’s charm. Somehow it tapped right into a nerve that made both of us want to dump money into properties we owned on the chance that the other would randomly land on that space and give up a ton of cash. Oh that’s sweet when it happens.

I really hope Fortune Street does well here in the US. It’s not going to be a big seller, partly because it’s just a strange game and partly because I doubt anyone’s heard about it (I’m a devoted Nintendo fan and I didn’t know it existed until I saw it with my very own eyes). Still, I wish it the best and want a copy for Christmas.

And that’s everything I sampled personally at Nintendo’s booths. I didn’t get to spend much time with Star Fox 64 3D (though it’s basically Star Fox 64 with better graphics), and Kid Icarus: Uprising got lost in the hustle and bustle of the show floor, so I can’t really comment much on either of those, nor can I say anything about Kirby Mass Attack on the DS other than they were giving out cotton candy when you played the title, so the line was too long to bother with.

The bottom line for Nintendo is that this upcoming holiday season is going to be great. I’ve still got my Wii primed and ready for the Christmas titles and my 3DS is trained up and expecting a glut of new titles every month, so I am about as happy as one can really be. But these are just my interests. What about you? What are you looking forward to from Nintendo? Or what are you disappointed or skeptical about? Leave a comment and let me know. In the meantime, I need to go freeze myself in a glacier until November. See you in a few months!

5. Link’s Name Is “Zelda”

There, legitimate proof what his name really is.

It’s pretty simple, and it’s mostly a relic of the ages, but for those not aware, The Legend of Zelda is a video game about a boy named Link on his quest to find all the pieces of the Triforce of Courage in order to defeat the evil Ganon and save Zelda, the princess of Hyrule. So to recap, Zelda is the princess, Link is the hero. In Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, we actually learn the indisputable legend of the princess Zelda, the original princess, as she sleeps in the northern castle of Hyrule. Every so often I hear someone complain about the title of the series, saying, “Why is it Zelda’s legend if Link does all the work?” Simple, why is Sleeping Beauty titled after someone who spends the majority of the story unconscious instead of the prince who slays a dragon? The Legend of Zelda was a story about finding Princess Zelda, but with the sequel it only made sense to continue with the title for brand recognition, similar to what the Final Fantasy series has done.

4. The Games Are Too Kiddie

Oh that silly Nintendo, always making the jokes for the kiddies, what with the demonic moon falling and all.

Throughout the GameCube’s life, thanks to The Wind Waker, I had to explain to people that the Zelda series was not in fact made for children. Sure, The Wind Waker was bright and colorful and filled with what can only be described as “whimsy,” but it also had a very tight story to it filled with some pretty tragic themes. Oh, and the ending where Ganondorf gets a sword to the face, but we already knew that. In fact, the Zelda games have always had a fairly dark undercurrent to them. The second game’s plot tasked Link with waking Princess Zelda, but Ganon’s forces were trying to resurrect their dark lord by way of using Link’s blood. Furthermore, check out Ocarina of Time or Majora’s Mask for some incredibly macabre stuff, such as the Shadow Temple or really the entire plot of Majora’s Mask (expect a list of some of the most disturbing things from Zelda games in the following months). Zelda games aren’t made exclusively for kids by a longshot, but people mistake content enjoyed by the whole family for being exclusive to the youngest members. Gus knows this all too well with Avatar. But just think, Toy Story was made for kids, yet is enjoyed by everyone. The Zelda series is just like that.

3. The Games Are Too Dark

Shown: Brooding seriousness.

Though that’s not to say the series is supposed to be all about dark, brooding themes and horrific symbolism. Far from it really as Miyamoto create the first game to reflect his childhood memories of exploration and pretending to be on adventures, a trademark that’s persisted throughout the games with heavy emphasis on leaving the beaten path to go find secrets. Beyond that though, silly things happen all the time in the games, even as far back as the first game where things were “a secret to everyone.” Strange things are everywhere but become far more noticeable as the games mature a bit. Ocarina of Time wasn’t without goofy, lighthearted moments, like Talon being woken from sleep and rushing back to Lon Lon Ranch for fear of making his 11-year-old daughter mad, or King Zora’s paaaaaaaaaaaainfully long scooching, just to let you pass so that you could be eaten by a giant fish named Jabu-Jabu. Serious games, really dark, brooding, “grumble-grumble no one understands me but the darkness” type games do not have moments like that. Fans need to remember, for as much as we loved Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, and Twilight Princess, the series is still supposed to be about lighthearted fun and playful adventuring. This is never more clear than with the next thing on the list…

2. Nintendo Has a Plan for Where They’re Going

That's cool, we got this timeline thing under control Miyamoto, you just keep being silly.

With how elaborate Hyrule has gotten and how much history the land has acquired, it’s just sort of assumed that Nintendo or someone close to the series like Miyamoto or Eiji have some idea what the timeline really is, where it begins, and where it will ultimately lead to. Coming up with timeline theories is a blast and really turns into a pastime I can get behind. But the fact of the matter is, Nintendo, as a whole, and especially Miyamoto, have no set timelines in place or any idea what’s coming next for the series beyond “exploration and whimsy.” It’s best to think of a lot of the games as a retelling of the core story between Link, Zelda, and Ganon. Miyamoto himself has said on multiple occasions that Ocarina of Time was essentially a 3D remake of A Link to the Past. If it really bothers you that much, Eiji has been making a conscious effort to tie each of his games in closer to the overall stories, anchoring them in the timeline by referencing previous games (usually Ocarina of Time). Just enjoy the games for what they are, though that does compound into the last item on this list…

1. Every Game Is The Same

I don't really have anything to add to this, I just think this art by Jush Dunbar rocks.

The assumption is that every game is just the same game as before. A Link to the Past was just The Legend of Zelda on the Super Nintendo, Ocarina of Time was just A Link to the Past in 3D, and every game since has been trying to recreate Ocarina of Time. And I don’t think anything gets a Zelda fan riled up quite as quickly as when someone just handwaves every new game as being the same game. Naturally, this happens every time Zero Punctuation mentions the Zelda franchise, and, being a regular viewer, I have no choice but to keep my mouth shut and let Yahtzee do his thing with the expressed knowledge that he never liked the Zelda series and never will.

Time to break things down game-by-game. The original Legend of Zelda had Link go out and save Zelda, pretty bare bones. Zelda II is entirely different from any other title in the franchise partly due to it becoming a side-scrolling action game. A Link to the Past is a somewhat reimagining of the first game, but with a fully fleshed-out story involving Link’s uncle passing the task of saving Zelda on to him and introducing the Dark World. Link’s Awakening has Link shipwrecked on an island with the goal of waking the Wind Fish. Ocarina of Time has time travel with Link as both a child and then an adult trying to stop Ganondorf from gaining the power of the Sacred Realm. Majora’s Mask sees Link, a child once more, head to a land similar to Hyrule that’s moon is falling in three days, a mechanic the game plays with constantly. The Wind Waker places Link further down the timeline when Hyrule is covered in water and includes a lot of sailing. The Minish Cap is all about shrinking and size differences. Twilight Princess involves a Twilight Realm and Link transforming into a wolf. Phantom Hourglass has Link out on the open sea again trying to rescue Tetra (Princess Zelda) from a pirate ghost. Spirit Tracks puts Link in a train in order to fight a demon train. Every game is similar in theme (Link must go save someone or locate something in order to progress), and typically has the main three characters of Link, Zelda, and Ganon, but are they all the same game? Not even close. That’s like saying every game Valve makes is the same because they typically involve physics puzzles and those are always the same. Each Zelda game is unique in presentation and style. Saying otherwise couldn’t be further from the truth.

So there you have it, just a few things that people get wrong about the Zelda series all-too-frequently. But enough from me, did you have a few Zelda-related things that you keep having to correct people on? Or do you just disagree with what I’ve written up there? Go ahead and leave a comment to let me know. Besides, if I don’t like what you wrote I’ll just place it in Timeline B where you never existed in the first place.

Want more Zelda lists? Check these out:

-My 10 Favorite Zelda Music Scores

-My Ten Favorite Zelda Characters

-My Ten Favorite Zelda Enemies

Concept image for the game's logo.

In attendance were Nintendo president Satoru Iwata, president of Nintendo of America Reggie Fils-Amie, Zelda creator Shigeru Miyamoto, and longtime Zelda game producer Eiji Aunoma. The attitude of the room seemed hushed as only about a dozen or so press personnel were present, though the tone of the four key speakers was equally muted. The reason became apparent when they mentioned that sales of the Legend of Zelda franchise had slipped past a point of salvaging and as a result they were putting the franchise on an indefinite hiatus upon completion of the new title directly following Skyward Sword.

With this doom and gloom in mind, Fractured Timelines was shown off for the Nintendo Wii, utilizing the same engine seen in Skyward Sword, though with an art style far darker than either Skyward Sword or Twilight Princess. Carrying on the notion of basing each game’s style off a famous artist, as Skyward Sword is based off Paul Cezanne and impressionist art in general, Fractured Timelines is inspired by Vincent van Gogh, drawing upon a much darker and abstract palette than the series has ever seen before.

One of two concept pieces shown, this one featuring what appears to be a reappearance of the Wind Fish.

Not much was shown other than a few concept pieces showing what may or may not be the Wind Fish (last seen from Link’s Awakening), and a city spread out in front of Link, though the name of the city hasn’t been spelled out quite yet (speculation is that this is Hyrule in the near-future).

The big question, beyond the reason behind shelving the series, was where this game fits into the timeline, if anywhere. Aunoma stepped forward to field this question, saying that, “Given the scope of the plot, you could say [it] fits into the timeline any and everywhere.” What does this mean? Well, with a name like “Fractured Timelines” and the reappearance of the Wind Fish, there’s a high chance that the game will rely on either time travel or parallel dimensions, a theory that already exists within the Zelda community thanks to the end of Ocarina of Time.

Shigeru Miyamoto was eager to talk about some of the new items we could expect to see, mentioning things like the “Acrobat Gloves,” which gave Link the ability to swing from ledges and such; the “Magnetic Gloves,” an item that lets you push and pull certain objects in the room; and the “Friction Boots,” similar to the Pegasus Boots from previous titles but with a twist that allows them to catch fire in order to solve certain puzzles. You could tell Miyamoto wanted to say more, but he just couldn’t give away all the details, otherwise, as Reggie stepped up and said, “There wouldn’t be anything worth keeping secret.”

The plot itself wasn’t given away, though when I asked if any characters would be returning from previous games, Iwata laughed and blurted out “Midna!” before anyone could stop him. The small group laughed as the four regained their composure before Aunoma reiterated a previous claim that if enough fans wanted Midna back, then they’d absolutely put her in the game.

The other piece of concept art shown. The city hasn't been confirmed to be Hyrule, but your guess is as good as mine.

As to the release date, it is a ways off with a summer 2014 goal currently set, though for a project that’s meant to send off a series as long-winded as The Legend of Zelda, that date could very well be pushed back. Another reporter asked about the possibility of the game appearing on the next home console, only to get the response from Reggie of, “We have no plans of a new console past the Wii at this very moment, so the chances of it being ported is unlikely.”

I’m pretty sad to hear that the Zelda franchise has been given a definite ending point, but if this means one last great title for the series, it should be worth it. Keep your eyes peeled and your ears open for something new. In the meantime, leave a comment and let me know how you feel about the whole experience. Are you excited? Nervous? Disappointed? Leave a comment and let me know. In the meantime, I have to go pre-order Final Fantasy VII for the PS3.

Want more posts on Zelda? Check these out:

-My 10 Favorite Zelda Characters

-Zelda: A Retrospective Part 1

-Let’s Think Deep: Schrodinger’s Zelda

Let’s not beat around the bush here. This music is awesome!

As Chris has shown quite extensively in the past, the music industry had taken leaps and bounds in the realm of video games, and I am almost certain that the series responsible for this is in fact The Legend of Zelda for setting the bar so freaking high. But instead of talking about it, why not just listen in to some of this music and see just how iconic and versatile it really is. So, in order linking the past to the near present, here are ten of my favorite Zelda tunes.

1. Hyrule Temple – Adventure of Link

Of all the classic 8-bit tunes, this is easily my favorite of that era. Can’t explain why, I just really like the beat, and the mood of transgressing thorough a strange and mysterious place, and despite how spooky it may be, you have to keep going with the music. This would happen to be the song that they remastered for the popular and immensely overused Hyrule Temple stage in Super Smash Bros. Melee. Needless to say I like the original a lot better.

2. Dark World – A Link to the Past

We first hear this score when Link transgresses into the Dark World, which will be the first of many games in the series that will implement a dual/alternate universe theme in their story. I like this song, because it really does give me a sense of new beginnings, and a bold new quest to come just when you thought the end was near.

3. Lost Woods – Ocarina of Time

It is so short, and it is so simple, yet it is the catchiest tune I have ever heard. In fact, I am pretty sure I can credit my only semblance of an ability to whistle thanks to this song and this song alone. This was another song that got a revamp in the Great Bay stage of SSBM, and you know, I kind of like that version too. Then it got another version of the song in Twilight Princess and was renamed Sacred Grove. While I liked that they tried to do something new with the song and made it calmer and more majestic, I just miss the upbeat carefree mood of the original.

4. Song of Storms – Ocarina of Time

♪♪ From the sky, To the ground ♪♪

♪♪ Rain is falling all around ♪♪

♪♪ Thunder rain and wind ♪♪

♪♪ A song of storms begins ♪♪

♪♪ Play a song, A melody ♪♪

♪♪ Then everybody will see ♪♪

♪♪ The hero of time ♪♪

♪♪ Has come ♪♪

~▲~

▲ ▲

Yet another simple but ridiculously catchy tune. I could listen to this forever, but then again, I would probably hypnotize myself. By the way, I really like eurekaseven000’s choice of lyrics for the song as well. (Above) They actually fit the tune very nicely.

5. Temple of Time – Ocarina of Time

“The elders once said, ‘Time is a living breathing thing. Powerful. Beautiful. And often times cruel. It can humble the strongest army, shake mountains to its will, and turn entire oceans to dust. But time itself is not free from jeopardy. There are those who seek to control it. Manipulate it. Change it to suit their dark will. When that day comes, the universe will need a true hero to keep it safe.’ Are you ready?”

Alastor Azmuth – Ratchet and Clank Future: A Crack in Time

We talk about how “timeless” the Zelda series is all too frequently. A lot of people say that Ocarina of Time is an allegory of loss of innocence and growing up before you even realize it. If there was ever a moment in your life when you questioned where your childhood went, this game can easily touch you on a personal level, and this very song is the big ominous reminder that embodies just how powerful Time really is. I’m pretty sure that it was in no way a coincidence that of all the classic Zelda tunes that got revamped for Twilight Princess, The Temple of Time was the only song that remained completely in tact from its original rendition.

6. Termina Field (Orchestrated) – Majora’s Mask

This here is probably the most iconic score of them all. This one dates all the way back to the very first game, yet it is still vastly used in one version or another in almost every Zelda title. I absolutely love this Orchestrated version from Majora’s Mask, because I feel it truly does take the song to its potential and shows just how versatile it can be. It can be strong. It can be calm, it can be frightening, reassuring. But no matter what, it will be beautiful.

7. Dragon Roost Island – The Wind Waker

Okay, now this song is sweet. In all honesty, I love The Wind Waker, flaws and all, and its music I felt was some the series’ most unique. Dragon Roost in particular is a perfect example. It’s like Native River Dance meets classic Renaissance Italy, or something. Of all the Zelda music, this is the one that makes me want to get up and start dancing. In fact, those people in bird costumes should have been dancing to this song in the festival scene of Pokemon the Movie 2000.

Okay, I’ll admit, that was kind of an obscure reference.

8. Death Mountain – Twilight Princess

This is where things get really good. This here was a song in which I actually liked the newer version more than the classical version from Ocarina of Time. It’s very surreal, because it is the exact same song with the exact same beat, yet the instruments that they use in the different versions make them feel so unique from each other. The Twilight version sounds much more robust in my opinion, with the drums and the trumpets, and when I first heard it, it was like, “Oh yeah. That’s Death Mountain.” As a huge Avatar fan myself (a show that shares Zelda’s taste for incredible music), this song also reminded me of the Earth Kingdom (my Element of choice). Of all the four Nations on the show, their music I felt wasn’t as strong as the others, and I wish some of their scores sounded more like this one.

9. Hidden Village – Twilight Princess

Yup, it’s official. The Legend of Zelda music staff can do ANYTHING! Case in point: place a completely original, strictly western style theme song in a Japanese fantasy game, and make it fit incredibly well. This is all you need to show just how expansive music of these games has transgressed. Phenomenal.

10. Orchestra 2 – Twilight Princess

To send us off with a bang, here is one that, simply put, defines all that is epic about The Legends of Zelda. This song may not have necessarily been in the game, but if it sounds familiar, it’s probably because you heard it during the trailer for The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. Could not think of a better score. It pays tribute to the epic tales of the past, and promises a brighter future.

And those are my ten favorites. Apologies for any of you who have favorites I missed. It’s not that I’m trying to ignore any of the other ones out there or that I think they’re bad, there are just so many of them. Far too many to list. So, if you have a particular Zelda tune that you took a personal liking to, feel free to share.

Want more on video game music? Take a listen to these:

-My Top Ten Favorite Video Game Soundtracks

-My Top Ten Favorite Battle Themes

-My Twenty Favorite Video Game Tracks Part 1 (#20-#11)

10. Postman (Twilight Princess):

I sort of which my mail carrier was as dedicated as this guy.

Ocarina of Time introduces us to the Marathon Man, a strange character with no real purpose to the game other than to race you from one spot in the map to the other in an impossible challenge. You cannot beat him to the goal no matter how hard you try, but he didn’t have much to him. Majora’s Mask comes along and shows the parallel universe version of Marathon Man with the Postman, rushing around delivering letters to Clocktown residents. But the Postman I most enjoyed appeared in Twilight Princess as a surprisingly comical character; in stark contrast to the overall serious tone every other character had taken in the game. He’d hum the “Item Get” tune when handing you letters, he could recognize you even when you were a wolf, and he could get to places he shouldn’t be capable of getting to, such as the bottom of the Hero’s Cave. How did he get there? I have no idea, but there’s more to this guy than just what we see in the game.

9. Tott (The Wind Waker):

What...exactly am i looking at here?

Sometimes all it takes for me to never forget a character is an instant WTF moment when first seeing them. When you initially arrive on Windfall Island, you’re greeted by a number of strange sights and characters, but none stranger than Tott, a guy dressed in what looks like a disco outfit dancing to his own beat completely disconnected from the rest of the town. His only purpose in the game is to teach you the Song of Passing, a song that lets you jump directly to nighttime or daytime, but every time I came to Windfall I had to spend a few moments just watching him dance, hypnotized by the utter perplexing inclusion of something so strange in a game with enough strangeness to fill the strange quota for a while.

8. Kaepora Gaebora (Ocarina of Time):

That about sums it up.

A common belief is that the owl from Link’s Awakening is the same owl from Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask. I even believed such a thing until I put in a little time to think that through, remembering that Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask are in parallel worlds, making every inhabitant different than someone else, and Link’s Awakening is only a dream fabrication, so none of those characters are actually real (or are they?), meaning each owl is a different character entirely. All that just to have me get around to saying that Kaepora Gaebora is one of my favorite characters from the Zelda series. He’s frustrating in Ocarina of Time for having long monologues of relatively dull text, but he’s a huge owl that seems to always know what I’m doing and when I’m doing it. There’s something more to him than we ever learn, but one of my favorite theories implies that Kaepora Gaebora is either Rauru or a previous Sage of Light. Even if that isn’t explicitly true, it adds a whole new level to the experience that I really enjoy. Kaepora Gaebora, you may talk too much, but you’re still cool in my book.

7. Din (Oracle of Seasons):

I have a few single green rupees with your name on them if you dance for me.

She’s the reincarnation of the Goddess of Power and she’s a dancer. What’s not to like here? Din, as she appears in Oracle of Seasons, is probably one of the sexist characters the Zelda series has churned out, and you only really see her as an 8-bit representation of the image I have up for a reference point. While she gets kidnapped pretty early in the game, she’s still immensely powerful, having full control over the seasons just by dancing. If she really is the reincarnation of the goddess Din, which is debatable (I like to think so), then she’s responsible in at least some way for Din’s Fire, the crazy inferno attack in Ocarina of Time. Oh, and forging the land of Hyrule, I guess. That’s cool I suppose, but get back to the dancing!

6. Darunia (Ocarina of Time):

I hope there are Gorons when I get to Heaven.

The Gorons were a fantastic addition to the Zelda universe when Ocarina of Time introduced them, but above all their leader, Darunia, stood out as a tough badass among badasses. The Goron people eat rocks and cultivate flowers that explode. They essentially live in a volcano and forge giant swords. When you initially encounter Darunia, he’s reluctant to let you help him as you’re just a stupid kid, but play Saria’s Song and he changes his tune, even going so far as busting out with some wicked sick dance moves. He could tear you in half if he wanted to, but he started dancing instead. Then, when you meet him again as an adult, he’s one of only two Gorons not to be captured by Volvagia in the Fire Temple. However, instead of just waiting for anyone to save his people, he heads right in to the boss’ lair to fight him head-on, even without the Megaton Hammer and knowing full well that Volvagia has been known to eat Gorons. That takes some stones.

5. Happy Mask Salesman (Majora’s Mask):

What's he so happy about? Oh, he'll never tell you.

If the Zelda series does one thing better than any other series, it’s to present a relatively normal person or thing and tweak them just enough with some uncanny features that turns them into something creepy and likely to manifest as a nightmare at some point in time. The Happy Mask Salesman is a great example of this as he’s just a simple guy with a simple haircut and a perma-smile on his face and a backpack full of masks of all sorts. Until he’s thrown into a fit of rage. Then his eyes pop open and his animations jump-cut between themselves as he screams at you, shaking you violently to emphasize his point. Something I found really interesting is that the Happy Mask Salesman may be a caricature of Shigeru Miyamoto due to their similar haircuts and Miyamoto’s penchant for throwing epic fits when he’s unhappy. Also, the Moon Children have the same haircut, too, implying they may be connected to the Happy Mask Salesman in ways the game never outwardly explains. So much mystery! I love it!

4. Marin (Link’s Awakening):

I guess there's always an up side to nearly drowning.

Link’s Awakening was where I began the Zelda series as a kid, meaning I had yet to meet Ganon or Zelda, and I hardly knew who this Link character was. But I knew he was shipwrecked and that some wonderful girl named Marin had come to his rescue. She would create some intensely memorable moments for me as a kid, such as how she’d call me “Thief” if I stole from the shop in town, or when I convinced her to join me on a trip to Animal Village, causing Link to lift her over his head. Marin was my very first Girl Next Door. And she was all a dream. How very sad indeed. Or was it?

3. Salvatore (The Wind Waker):

"Sploooosh."

All it really takes for me to love a character is a single moment that causes me to have an outburst of laughter so much so that I can’t wait to pass on the experience to someone else. While playing The Wind Waker, you can head into a little shop and find a man at a counter who offers to let you play a game of “Not-Battleship.” This man is Salvatore, an apathetic clerk that seems to hate his job, yet performs with such gusto that you can’t help but want to play his game again and again. You see, he sets the stage by holding up little paintings with the faces cut out over his own so that he can portray different people, such as a captain of a ship or children cheering you on. It all makes for one hysterical few moments that I can’t wait to get to every time I replay The Wind Waker.

2. Midna (Twilight Princess):

You don't look entirely pleased with me, do you? You take your number 2 spot and you like it.

There’s a good chance people would have decapitated me if Midna didn’t show up, especially near the front of the list, but who doesn’t really love Midna? She’s like Navi if Navi wasn’t an annoying little fairy. Midna has tons of special powers, a lot of sass to hold her own in any instance, and of course when you see her real body you see that sometimes it’s good to be the Hero of Legend every now and then. Midna’s so popular that there’s a group called Want Midna Back (WMB) that’s dedicated to bringing her into another Zelda game. Eiji Aonuma has even said that they have no definite plans to have her in another game, but that if the cries are loud enough they’ll have no choice but to include her again since, really, Aonuma is just as much of a Zelda fan as anyone else that enjoys the series.

Midna’s pretty cool, but she didn’t make the top of my list. How can that be? Who could I possibly place higher than Midna of all awesome characters?

1. Tingle (Majora’s Mask):

Har har har har!

Oh this is why I love having a list of my favorites. It’s so easy to troll Zelda fans like crazy, but I really do mean what I say here. Tingle, as hated as he is in the US, is probably my most favorite character from all the games, specifically the Majora’s Mask version. Tingle’s become somewhat of a joke to the series, like Slippy on crack or something, but originally Tingle was almost a pitiable figure of the world, a tragic example of the most devastating effects that broken dreams can have on a single person. In Majora’s Mask, Tingle is a character that floats around the world on a large red balloon making maps that he then sells to Link to help him around each area. When you shoot him down, you can get a much better look at him, letting you see that he’s dressed very similarly to Link with the forest green, though he looks a lot older. That’s because he’s actually 35-years-old and dreams of someday becoming a fairy, a wish that’s simply never going to come true. He seems innocent enough, but if you put in a little effort you learn that his father is the Swamp Tourist Center Guide and that the two aren’t exactly on good terms. Tingle never really started off as a joke by any means, but that first appearance always left me wondering so much about that one Tingle, even if future Tingles seemed to show up in Zelda games just for the lulz.

And there you go, another list concluded with a bang. But that’s enough out of me. Which Zelda characters are you favorites? Which ones can pull you back to an older Zelda game long after you’ve finished it, just so you can encounter them again? Leave a comment and let me know. In the meantime, I’ve got maps to make and sell. Kooloo Limpah!

Want more Zelda articles? Check these out:

-Seven Tragic Video Game Love Stories

-Zelda: A Retrospective Part 2

-Let’s Think Deep: The Perfect Game

10. Gleerok (Minish Cap):

Aren't you from a Pokemon game?

Most Zelda games have one thing in common: The boss to every dungeon is defeated in some way via the item you collect in that dungeon. The fun is learning new and inventive ways for these items to get used in the battles, especially if the item is already from a previous Zelda title or something. For me, one I especially enjoyed was Gleerok for no other real reason than it was fun to flip its shell before hacking its face like crazy. It’s the simple enjoyment of life every now and then, and that’s why I’m a fan of Gleerok. Also, its head looks like Lugia, and I love Lugia.

9. Cragma (Spirit Tracks):

Boy you almost made Spirit Tracks not suck, didn't you?

In the same vein as Gleerok, Cragma fills the same function of being a boss fight that turns into an instance of extreme fun. I’m one of the last people to praise Spirit Tracks for anything, but easily, Cragma was the highlight for me as you’re riding around a minecart while shooting target points on its body with the bow and arrow. It’s extremely satisfying and utterly surprised me, as I hadn’t really had the chance to use the bow and arrow in Spirit Tracks for anything really fun other than, well nothing yet. Cragma almost makes me want to play the entire game again. Almost.

8. Odolwa (Majora’s Mask):

I don't exactly know what I'm looking at here. What am I looking at here?

Sometimes the boss fight itself isn’t what makes me remember the experience, but rather the atmosphere around the boss fight. Majora’s Mask is filled with intensely memorable boss battles, but the one I always think of when I remember the game is the fight against the Woodfall Temple’s boss, Odolwa, mostly because he looks like a huge badass who’s too busy dancing and singing to care that I’m slashing his ankles. I still get creeped out sometimes when I think of Odolwa dancing and chanting in my general direction. He’s tribal but traditional samurai at the same time, culminating in a weird combination that makes me wonder why Odolwa didn’t show up in Resident Evil 5 instead of Wesker. That would have been a much better twist if you ask me.

7. Darknut (Twilight Princess):

You'd better hope you've got your act together because Darknuts aren't giving you an inch.

The Darknut is a Zelda enemy that’s made numerous appearances over the many adventures of Link, but the version that stands out the most is the Twilight Princess iteration as graphically the Darknuts are built to look like the most supreme warrior in Hyrule. They’re actually imposing, and while they were cool in Wind Waker, when you’d knock their helmets off you’d see they looked like dogs underneath. I’m not a dog fan, so that’s a deal-breaker. In Twilight Princess they’re just huge suits of armor that can’t wait to trade sword blows with Link, really putting you and the control-scheme through a decent challenge. Man, can’t wait till I get back to the Darknuts now when replaying Twilight Princess.

6. Stallord (Twilight Princess):

Kratos may fight more consistently large bosses, but does he ever do so while grinding on a spining top? I didn't think so.

How many more boss battles am I going to include? Not saying, but Stallord holds the unique distinction of being the largest enemy Link has ever fought and subsequently vanquished, assuming we aren’t counting the moon or anything. Stalfos are cool and all, but Stallord kicks things up to an epic scope in the very literal sense. Plus, the boss fight uses one of my favorite Zelda items, the Spinner, to grind around the area until you can leap and spin at Stallord’s body to inflict damage. A lot of people easily forget some boss battles, like who did Link fight in Lord Jabu-Jabu? But you’re not forgetting Stallord. He’s a giant bone dragon. You remember that stuff for the rest of your life and tell stories to your grandchildren about how you hurled yourself at great speeds against a large skeleton monster. And then your grandchildren never visit you again. Everybody wins!

5. Moblins:

Oh snaps! Pig pirates!

Of any quintessential Zelda enemy, the Moblins are just too good to pass up and too tough to decide upon a definite favorite iteration. They’re sort of like the Koopas of the Zelda universe, whereas the Octorok is like the Goomba. No wait, Octaroks are more like Snifits. Maybe Kesse are like the Goombas? Doesn’t matter, Moblins appear in enough Zelda games that you miss them when they don’t show up. Sometimes they look like dogs, sometimes they look like pigs, but they’re always good for a beatdown as they make op the majority of Ganon’s army, patrolling the world looking to catch Link and stab him repeatedly with spears and swords and all manner of pokey things until he is very much dead. Force me to pick a favorite and I’m going with the Ocarina of Time Moblins as they’re huge and don’t screw around. They’re so big you can’t face them directly, instead having to resort to sneaking around and firing arrows and hookshots whenever possible. However, they got shortchanged in Twilight Princess, that’s for sure.

4. Bongo Bongo (Ocarina of Time):

"Let me lay down a sick beat here for your doom."

Everything about the Shadow Temple is memorable to me, but it all concluded with a boss fight that took place on the top of a giant drum with a strange creature with severed hands playing in between trying to kill you. Also, he was invisible. Fun fact about Bongo Bongo: He’s the only dungeon or temple boss of Ocarina of Time that does not require the item found within the temple to defeat him. The Shadow Temple gives you the Hover Boots, but they don’t do anything to aid you in the boss fight. If anything they make it more difficult as they heavily reduce traction. You know, anything you put at the end of the Shadow Temple would probably make my list. That temple was hardcore, yo.

3. Iron Knuckle (Zelda II):

Shown: Real men.

I’m strange as a Zelda fan due to my love of Zelda II: The Adventure of Link. I actually really liked it, going so far as to prefer it over the first Zelda title on the NES. Yes, it’s insanely hard, but the controls are never the fault of the difficulty. One of the most challenging enemies you face is the Iron Knuckle, coming in three varieties of difficult. They constantly move forward, flicking their swords at you, keeping their shields up at all times but shift between the high block and the low block, forcing you to learn the sword mechanics quickly and effectively. Iron Knuckles are tough to beat, no matter how good you get, but I constantly enjoyed the challenge they delivered. You had to work at overcoming an Iron Knuckle, and while they’re pretty cool in Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask, I still prefer the original version here.

2. Dark Link (Ocarina of Time):

You may call it lazy, but I call it showmanship.

Certainly my favorite mid-boss of any temple, Dark Link appears in a surreal room of the Water Temple, completely empty of anything save for a single dead tree in the middle of what seems like a shallow pool amidst a large void. You’re forced to run from one end of the room to the other, discovering that the opposite door is locked. When you turn back, Dark Link is resting against the tree, just waiting for you. If you don’t have the Biggoron Sword then the fight is actually pretty danged tough. I’d say it’s probably the single hardest fight of the game, all things considered. But that’s only if you’re just using the Master Sword. And if you try something like your jump attack, Dark Link just leaps on top of your blade and slashes your face to teach you a lesson. That’s class.

1. ReDead (Ocarina of Time):

And just like that, I'm not sleeping tonight.

Whatever Eiji Aonuma was tripping on when he approved the ReDead of Ocarina of Time was far too powerful a narcotic than any mortal human should have to endure, but the ReDead stands as the definition of Nightmare Fuel as it’s essentially a reanimated corpse that meanders around searching for life force to steal. What makes them particularly horrifying is their special power over you as whenever they stare at you your body instantly freezes as a result of the most terrifying noise from just about any video game, a shriek that can’t be replicated in any simple onomatopoeia that doesn’t then end in “andthenyoucrapyourpants.” The ReDead is still as creepy to me now as it was when I first encountered it, even if you can make them dance in Majora’s Mask, and therefore it makes the top of my list.

But that’s just my personal list. This isn’t the end-all beat-all to a Zelda list, nor do these have to be your favorite Zelda enemies. In fact, I want to know what your favorite Zelda enemies are. Your turn for a list. Who are your favorites? And for that matter who are your least favorites? Leave a comment and let me know, otherwise you’ll leave me no choice but to-EEEH-AHandthenyoucrapyourpants!

Want more on The Legend of Zelda? Check out these articles:

-A Hero’s Best Friend: The Top 5 Video Game Pets

-Zelda: A Retrospective Part 1

-Becoming One With The Triforce: Speculations on the New Zelda 2010

Nope. Sorry Daxter. You are a little unqualified for this list.

5. Polar (Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back)

Who’s the good boy that makes snow levels fun? Polar is! Oh yes you are.

Over ten years ago, when I first got my Play Station One, Crash Bandicoot 2 was the first game I played for the system, and I immediately fell in love with the game’s style and sense of characterization. Once you reach the second hub world, waiting for Crash outside his level is a little baby polar bear known simply as Polar. If you jump on him enough times, he gives you about a dozen extra lives, which you are definitely going to need as you play his levels over and over again. While Polar isn’t the kind to just let Crash take control, he sure gives him one heck of a ride, charging at sea otters, dodging hunters, and even leaping over killer whales. Good times. Not to mention, he reminds me of my very first stuffed animal as a child, so there.

4. Squitter the Spider (Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy Kong’s Quest)

Spider Monkey! Spider Monkey! Does whatever a spider with buck-teeth, goggly eyes, and Tennis shoes can.

There are only two instances in which I actually like spiders. The first is Spiderman, obviously. The second is this guy. While he may not be as famous as some of the Kong’s other pets, like Rambi the Rhino or Enguarde the Swordfish, Squitter is my personal favorite. It’s just so fun to use his web slinger as a projectile attack to knock out the Kremlings, and how you can web a path to reach secrets from above. Plus, he’s got style. Those eight-piece Air Jordans were totally in back in the nineties.

What the…? Daxter! Stop trying to sneak yourself into my list! It’s too late.

3. Pokemon [Insert your own choice here]

There’s only more than half a thousand to choose from now.

If you look me in the eye and tell me you’ve looked through an entire Pokedex and could not find a single solitary Pocket Monster that appealed to you in any way, than I am convinced your aura is a big grey dingy black hole with no passion to speak of. Whether you fancy something cute, cool, creepy, colorful, or just plain kickass, there is a Pokemon for everyone in this world. And it doesn’t matter what you want to do with them. You can collect your favorite element and create a community, breed them to find their inner strength, or even train a team to be the best there ever was. No matter what, they will be your greatest allies right to the bitter end.

As for me, I gotta’ stick to my guns and go with the fire breathing salamander.

That’s right buddy. After all these years, I still choose you.

(Pranger’s Note: Jolteon FTW!)

2. Epona (Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)

Epic boy on horse is epic.

See, we of the millennial generation don’t acknowledge Don Quixote as the pinnacle bond between a hero and his steed. No. To us, there is only Link and Epona. Right here is full proof that pets will remember you and love you no matter how long it takes for you to come back to them. For Epona, that was seven years. In all that time, he kept himself strong and when the time finally came to jump over that fence to freedom, all of Hyrule was ours for the taking. Not to mention that the trials of Link’s steed would only intensify in his next two games. In Majora’s Mask, he was captured and became the sole purpose of our first rescue mission. In Twilight Princess, the joust across the Bridge of Eldin is still one of the most epic moments in all of gaming.

And the number one pet of video games is…

DAXTER! For the last time, you’re NOT a pet! You’re just Jak’s idiot friend who fell into some dark eco and turned himself into an Ottsel! Enough. Go… hit on bartenders and fight insects on the PSP or something.

1. Yoshi (Super Mario World)

The Egg that hatched the video game-verse as we know it.

How fitting that one of, if not THE very first iconic riding companion in a video game was, in fact, a dinosaur. And just as dinosaurs completely surpass every species that came after them on the awesome meter, so too does this guy. Lets face it, Yoshi can do anything. He jumps incredible lengths, breaths fire, flies, creates earthquakes, and eats practically anything and sends it right back at his opponent. Not only that, with every passing game, it seems like his arsenal of tricks only gets bigger. He didn’t need to be in Super Mario Galaxy 2 to make it on the list, but the fact that he went the extra mile this year to further evolve an already awesome game is exactly the reason why he’s still number one to this day.

That’s all for now folks. Any of you have fond memories of your favorite pixilated pets? I know I couldn’t have gotten to meet them all.

Thanks to Trico here, we’ve got a BIG contender coming up in 2011.

Want more lists? Check these out:

-10 Awesome ninja Turtle Action Figure Outfits

-My Ten Favorite Video Game Trilogies

-Top 10 DBZ Relationships

With a series this epic, what's the problem?

The problem I’ll be debating today stems from one specific point in the Zelda series’ history: The release of The Wind Waker. Wind Waker by itself was not inherently a problem. However, the sticky wicket comes from the release of supposed screenshots roughly a year before Wind Waker was really announced that showed what Link and Ganondorf could look like on the GameCube. It didn’t show what they WOULD look like, just what they COULD look like. Diehard fans, being who they are, forgot the qualifier “could” and just assumed these were screenshots of a new Zelda game going along the roads that Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask had happily taken the series.

So when gamers saw the new road the Zelda series was about to travel, the cartoony cell-shaded road with vibrant colors and harmless childhood fantasies, a lot of fans freaked out. A few boycotted the game. Other gave in and accepted the fate of the series. Still others probably did something else. I, regrettably, denounced Wind Waker, then played it, then denounced it as a Zelda game yet praised it as a game in general, a stance which I stand by to this day.

I'm not saying it should have looked this way; we just thought it would.

The reason this debate is surfacing again can trace itself to the announcement of the newest Wii Zelda title, Skyward Sword, slated for release sometime next year. In the little footage and screenshots we’ve seen, the style looks like Twilight Princess and Wind Waker decided to have a child and name him Skyward Sword. Fans, once again, freaked out. On the surface this was due to many gamers wanting the console Zelda games to continue like Twilight Princess, i.e. darker, gloomier, and more mature. Seeing another shift toward the cartoony style frustrates on a deep level that on the top layer appears to be pathetic whining. I have a deeper reasoning now.

What is one thing that Nintendo, specifically Shigeru Miyamoto and Eiji Aonuma, have said is a constant for the Zelda series? It used to be that Link was left-handed, and for a while they were adamant that there was no real timeline (that’s somewhat changed recently), but the biggest thing is as follows: Link has never and will never speak.

Now, despite the ease of which Nintendo could make a Zelda game where Link speaks, there are a few reasons why he doesn’t. The first is that if he never speaks, we never feel that they got his voice wrong. In essence, this is the lazy/cowardly excuse disguised as “artistic.” Nintendo managed to get the perfect voice for Mario, so why can’t Link have a voice? Besides, all gamers know roughly what Link sounds like anyway due to his various grunts and yelps from the recent games. The second and much more reasonable excuse is because by keeping Link mute, the player inserts him or herself into Link’s place as the protagonist. This tactic is very prominent in Japanese games, specifically RPG’s. Look at Chrono Trigger or Dragonquest VIII for examples outside the Zelda series. By keeping that character silent, the players assigns traits and expressions and plays themselves as if they were in the game. Why do you think you’re allowed to name Link whatever you want in each game anyway?

Just think: This woman spent an entire game riding on your back. Sometiemes it feels good to be The Hero of Blank.

So if you’re following along, here is the train-of-thought I’ve lead you on thus far: Nintendo created the Zelda series with a silent protagonist so that players would connect more to said character as if it were themselves, then the gaming world becomes confused when gamers react so personally to Zelda-related decisions. Don’t worry, this train has more stops.

If the goal was to make players insert themselves as Link, it sounds like that’s been accomplished with gusto. The problem with this is that many Zelda gamers have grown up since they first played the series, some of which grew up as the series itself was growing from 8-bit to 16-bit to full 3D polygons and now the current iterations. Link has, since the very beginning, been a young boy around 10-14 years of age, roughly. This wasn’t very noticeable when his was little more than pixels on the screen with little detail. Once Ocarina of Time hit, Link’s childhood self became very recognizable and noticeable. Within Ocarina of time, Link literally grows up into an adult aged 18-years-old and goes about his business with a more mature swagger, able to wield bigger swords and better equipment. Plus pants. He finally had pants. Gamers inserting themselves as Link were given a game where they GREW UP AND MATURED. Since I’m using myself as an example, my save file said “Chris,” which is me, therefore I GREW UP AND MATURED in this game as well.

Call me crazy, but I didn't feel I'd look sad and hesitant to go on an adventure after going on so many already.

Ocarina of Time was followed by Majora’s Mask, a direct sequel with the same Link, or more specifically, a continuation of the player’s growth. While Link stayed a child in this game, he very clearly didn’t act like it. There was a far deeper inner growth than outward physical change. Majora’s Mask was about loss and acceptance, and sometimes horrifying ghost boys, but by the end, Link/the player had matured in a vastly new and powerful way. This reversion to a child made sense and didn’t feel like a step backward since Link didn’t have to relearn everything. Link becoming a child again worked within the parameters Majora’s Mask set. Plus, much of the time he was an adult Zora or Goron anyway.

Suddenly Wind Waker comes along and Link is once again a boy. A boy who must learn to accept his destiny, reclaim the Master Sword, and fight Ganon…dorf…? Wait, didn’t we just do this? Say what you want about the art style, but Link turning into a child with no continuation of his former selves is what’s known as a Step Backwards. Longtime Zelda players were itching to keep their OWN narratives going, and telling us that we were naïve kids again was similar to finishing college and being told, “Okay, next week you start kindergarten all over again.” I’ve already learned which shapes go where. I can already count to ten. I know which color is red and which is blue. My childhood has past; where is my future?

"C'mon guys, learn to share and be a team! Now everyone lie down for naptime."

To put more perspective on this, let’s compare Link and Mario. When a player plays a Mario game, there is no instant assumption that the character on screen is anyone other than Mario. A Mario player works with Mario to complete a stage, but they themselves are not Mario. Mario speaks and has his own personality. We know he is brave and loves Peach. We know he doesn’t freak out or get surprised by anything. We know he can jump really high and craves spaghetti. These are things we just know. What about Link? He wears green and is also brave. And…that’s it. Mario’s personality is established and doesn’t require a dynamic character arc during each Mario game. Link’s personality, however, is inserted by the player, making the player experience his or her own character arc in each new Zelda game.

Think about this for a second. When a character approaches Link, he says nothing. Do you as the player say anything? “Oh, Tingle’s back. Hey I know you!” Or, “HERE you are Zelda! I’ve been looking EVERYWHERE!” Or, “Ganon?! Ganon’s back?! I HATE that guy!” Every time you smile or roll your eyes at a character or enemy that appears, you are displaying a character-driven response to the situation. Link is a blank slate, but you are full of emotion and you express it. Link is just what everyone calls you when they look at the game playing. “Link” is a Hyrulian term for “You” at this point. You did, after all, name Link whatever you wanted. Nintendo just gave a general suggestion.

Man, I remember when I fought hundreds of enemy soldiers next to a cross-dresser. That was SWEET.

Alright, back on the train-of-thought. Now we have: Nintendo keeps Link from speaking to allow the player to insert themselves into Link’s shoes, this works and Zelda players grow up to a level where they’re comfortable with the series, Link is turned into a cartoony child again and Zelda fans freak out since they view this as themselves being viewed as cartoony children yet again, Nintendo is utterly clueless as to why this bothers Zelda fans, the rest of the gaming community is utterly clueless why this bothers Zelda fans. Okay, we all caught up? Great, there’s more.

What Nintendo wants falls into two categories: Old Zelda fans and New Zelda fans. The exact numbers aren’t really known for either, so when a new Zelda game is made, the assumption is that fans will be fans, no matter what. This, however, is a misnomer. New Zelda fans won’t mind if Link is cell shaded, ten-years-old, and drives a train. Old Zelda fans familiar with reaching adulthood, slashing Ganon’s throat, and stopping a moon from crushing a small town may not give a crap about driving a train and blowing said train’s whistle when nagging passengers demand it.

To Nintendo, fans are fans, simple as that. They’d love the old fans to persist and the new fans to continue, but the series can’t function perfectly for both. Every step toward the darker Zeldas- the Ocarinas, Majoras, and Twilight Princesses- is a step away from the younger generation jumping at bright colors. Every step toward the brighter cartoony Zeldas- the Wind Wakers, Phourglasses, and Spirit Tracks- is a step away from the mature Zelda fans, long-since-grown-up and wanting a new progression and a new challenge. The formula can stay the same, but something needs to happen with Link that’s never happened before. He can’t just become the Hero of Blank again. He needs to experience something totally new to his character. Loss, hopelessness, destruction. Something more than “Now YOU’RE a hero, aren’t you kid?!”

Childish things can look cool, but they're still childish by nature.

What Wind Waker did wasn’t the inherent problem. It did deal with loss, hopelessness, and destruction. Hyrule was destroyed at the end of the game and there was nothing Link could do to stop it. The scale was also rather grand. If it stood alone as a Zelda game with its original art style there would be no problem. Phourglass and Spirit Tracks made Wind Waker a problem insomuch as they perpetuated the thought that cartoony Zelda games are pure empty calories. The two DS Zelda games are simply junk food that add nothing to the overall series or function as memorable stand-alone titles. The cartoony style has come to represent stagnation and repetition, as well as awkward controls when a button or D-pad would work perfectly. The hope was that the Zeldas for kids/New Zelda fans would stay on the handhelds while the Zeldas for the mature players/Old Zelda fans would forge on with the consoles. Fusing the two only seeks to bother the Old Zelda fans since the art style is associated with stagnation, frustration, regression, and overall lower quality. Zelda for the sake of Zelda does not please the Old Zelda fans.

This is where we’re at for Skyward Sword. The cartoony art style says to Old Zelda fans, “Skyward Sword will be lower quality than the games you prefer to play.” The big positive is that Skyward Sword is supposedly based around the origin of the Master Sword, a definite progression in subject matter due to adding to the overall Zelda narrative rather than rehashing. We will learn something new about this land and its history rather than just sail around and fight ghost pirates. Good.

Here are some other points in time Old Zelda fans would love to experience: The Forging of Hyrule, The Imprisoning/Sealing War, The Origin of Zelda’s lineage, How Hyrule Was Flooded Before Wind Waker, The Split Timeline Theory/Fixing The Split, What ANY Iteration of Link Does After Saving The Land, Finding Navi/Concluding The Hero of Time’s Story, etc. There’s a lot left to tap from the series, so why isn’t it being tapped?

Who was the first Zelda and how did her family rise to power? I want to know these things.

I’ll wrap my argument up by saying that Zelda fans as a whole are never going to be happy no matter what happens next. It is just the nature of a long-running fanbase to be outraged at everything. Trek fans become frustrated with the new series because they aren’t like the original. Star Wars fans become frustrated with the prequel trilogy because it wasn’t made for them. Fans of established bands get frustrated when the bands release new albums that don’t remind them of the old albums. There is just no winning.

But there can be a happy middle ground if we realize WHY longtime Zelda fans become frustrated. They aren’t just complaining that things are different; they’re complaining that they feel they’re viewed as childish, repetitive, and overall immature. At least, that’s my feelings anyway.

So what’re your feelings on the matter? Hardcore Zelda fans, how do the new games make you feel? Does the cartoony style bother you profoundly? Do you actually change Link’s name to your own? And newer Zelda fans, do you care about this at all? I want to know your opinions, so leave a comment and let your voice be heard. After all, it’s not like Link is going to say anything.

Want more Let’s Think Deep? Check these articles out:

-Let’s Think Deep: The Used Games Dilemma

-Let’s Think Deep: The Virtual Utopia

-Let’s Think Deep: The Moral of the Story

Sometimes the real world needs to stay away from our games, doesn't it?

The world is a very different, very scary place these days. Thankfully, video games are mostly blissful escapes from that harsh reality. But what if aspects of the real world started creeping into the fantasy realm? Here are ten ways the real world would ruin the video games world.

Pokemon Protected Under Endangered Species Laws:

Your lucky day, or a massive inconvenience?

The lands Pokemon games take place in are magical regions to live, full of awesome creatures ripe for the catching and training. And if you keep your eyes out and your wits sharp, you’ll run across a Legendary Pokemon.

BUT HOLD ON! You can’t capture that! Leave it alone! Because it’s the last of its species, it is protected by Endangered Species Laws, meaning you not only can’t capture it, you’ll be arrested for even trying. Pikachus? You can have dozens. But Lord help you if you catch a Mew.

Extra Lives Cost More Due To Inflation:

Suddenly every coin means a whole lot more and a whole lot less.

The Mushroom Kingdom is known as a land full of whimsy. Whimsy and war. Constant war. There hasn’t been a year where Bowser hasn’t appeared and tried to take over everything. At least Mario always shows up to save the day. That’s the one constant, other than the price of an extra life. 100 coins, right?

BUT HOLD ON! At this point an extra life would cost a heck of a lot more, possibly closer to 1600 coins. You’d see Mario steppin’ a lot more careful around pits if that were the case.

Families in The Sims Evicted:

Seriously, would you approve a loan for these morons?

Living a life as a Sim wouldn’t be too bad, all things considered. Your whole life is based off commercialism, you can easily find and make friends all the time, and if you don’t like your job, you can get a better one by reading a book for a few minutes. Wonderful, right?

BUT HOLD ON! How did you pay for your new house there? One of the causes of our current recession stems from the housing crisis where prospective homeowners were given huge loans for houses that they could never afford and thus were evicted at the worst possible time. The Sims are so incapable of taking care of themselves that they’ll wet their shorts if you don’t tell them to go to the bathroom. And these people were approved for home loans? Yikes.

No More Evil Corporations:

"I must destroy the world for reasons I forget why! Mwahaha!"

Shinra is certainly an evil, evil corporation filled with evil people doing evil things. The Umbrella Corporation is even worse, creating zombies and stuff for seemingly no reason at all. Luckily we have heroes to battle these massive companies. Some games are hinged on this massive takedown.

BUT HOLD ON! Before you go after the corrupt head of that awful organization, check to see if it isn’t crumbling from the inside after filing Chapter Eleven bankruptcy. And if a company is really, truly evil enough to destroy the world, the actual government is going to step in and stop that oil spill, I mean that zombie epidemic. No heroes are really required for the job, meaning Cloud and Tifa and the whole gang can just go shopping at Hot Topic instead.

Halo Protested On a Daily Basis:

"Why don't I just cram this down your throat instead? That sound cool?"

Earth is a hectic place to live, what with the fight constantly needing be finished. Aliens are popping up left and right with giant ships just to mess with us. At least we’re totally behind Master Chief.

BUT HOLD ON! This is a war, right? Those are BAD! Assuming we’re still our Earth, there will be those that believe the war is completely just. Then there will be the other half that opposes the war purely because it’s a war and those are always unjust. They attacked us first? That’s probably just because we were messing around in their solar system. You’d have a heck of a time getting anywhere as a soldier on the planet without someone picketing you and calling you a grunt killer.

Link Out of a Job:

"Hey! HEY! They took my job!"

Whereas Mario is the best option to save the Mushroom Kingdom, Link always steps up to the challenge and restores peace to Hyrule by rescuing Zelda. Otherwise he wouldn’t have much of a reason to do anything, would he?

BUT HOLD ON! Unemployment rates are ridiculous these days, meaning that there would be more than enough capable people just hanging around, ready for a chance to save a princess. Sure Link may be the Hero of Time, but with the right motivation, anyone could do what he does and restore the peace. It’s not like there’s a whole lot to do in Hyrule, anyway.

Silent Hill Subject To a Michael Moore Documentary:

Maybe this could be a good thing afterall.

If you had to pick one place of the world to avoid, it’d have to be Silent Hill. It’s a town suffering from, essentially, Hell owning all the real estate. Demons regularly appear and if you find yourself trapped within city limits you’re pretty much screwed, aren’t you?

BUT HOLD ON! What other town is best suited for a sadsack documentary ridiculing the shortcomings if the United States than a town devoid of all decency? Michael Moore would be there so fast that it’s scary, and naturally he’d go on and on until the Powers That Be intervened to shut him up. In Essence, Silent Hill would become an overnight tourist trap and eliminate any and everything that made it the place we love to fear.

Thousands of Greenhorns Attempt to Ford the River:

Why would you do that? Bunch of Greenhorns.

Ah the Oregon Trail. The promise of a better life after a trip of hardship is something we’re just programmed to love living in the land of the American Dream. Therefore, the Oregon Trail becomes a great choice, especially since Oregon is pretty danged sweet.

BUT HOLD ON! If you’ve ever played the Oregon Trail, you know the dangers of fording the river. You have to be an intelligent, experienced player even to CONSIDER fording the river. Sadly, too many fools would start fording the river willy-nilly, thinking it’s cool or something, and thousands would die. And since extra lives cost more these days, it’d be sad.

Real World Controls Enter The Gaming World:

Wouldn't it suck if this really happened? Wouldn't it?!

Video games have the advantage of being ridiculous distractions from the real world. Depending on the game, a single button press could result in you destroying the world. How cool! Precise controls are a great thing, aren’t they?

BUT HOLD ON! Next thing you know they’ll start trying to tell us the cool new thing is moving around while you’re gaming to do simple tasks and- Oh wait…

PETA Would Go Nuts About Star Fox:

Like the original space program. Except with more animals. And G-Diffusers.

If I could voice one video game character, I think I’d want to voice Fox McCloud. In fact, if I could WRITE one game, it’d be a new Star Fox game, mostly because we really need a new Star Fox game. The whole game concept is just too much fun. Animals in space? I’m there!

BUT HOLD ON! Animals in space?! You’re sending these poor creatures into almost certain DEATH?! It doesn’t matter if it’s other animals sending these animals into space, that stuff doesn’t fly with PETA. Granted, there’s a high chance these space wars won’t happen anyway due to protests, but rest assured, if that fox got into space, PETA would be there screaming about it and making their own game to mock the practice.

And I’m spent. How ridiculous of me. I’m all done thinking about the real world intersecting with video games, but what about you? Can you think of any ways the real world would ruin our lovely fantasies? Leave a comment and let me know. In the mean time, I have a river to ford.

Are you ready to hear some memories of the greatest story ever told? Too bad, 'cause here I go!

If there’s any series I love more than Mario, it’s the Legend of Zelda. I’ve been a fan for years now and I’m guaranteed to play each new title as it comes out, regardless of my preference for the art style or any other factors. I just have to play me some Zelda. Well, as predicted, Nintendo showed off the new Zelda title at E3 this year, the Skyward Sword, and I’m pretty excited. So much so that I decided to give my own little Zelda retrospective. So here it is, grab your magic bags and Master Swords and let’s take a trip to Hyrule.

The Legend of Zelda (1986):

It looks so simple these days, doesn't it?

The very first Legend of Zelda game for the NES was a game-changer in terms of how a video game should be played. The world map was huge for its time and the puzzles were complex. You were forced to think and try different solutions in order to advance. I, however, didn’t play this as a kid. I played this much, much later once I had the Zelda Collector’s Edition for the GameCube, and would you like to know my final death count? 187. That’s pathetic. I know I’m better than that, but even worse, there’s no way I can understand how anyone was able to beat this game prior to the internet having world maps and walkthroughs because some things you’re expected to know are stupidly difficult to solve. Still, the music was excellent and had a special power over me. Without realizing it I’d start singing along with actual lyrics whenever I played, but as soon as the game turned off I couldn’t remember the lyrics I’d been singing. It’s a secret to everybody.

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (1987):

Honestly, I think this was better than the first game.

After the success of the first Zelda title, a sequel was insured, but Miyamoto did what he always seems to do and decided to change the formula completely. Now, instead of a top-down view, Link was placed in a side-scrolling action platformer. Fans were not happy with this one and many consider it the worst game of the series. I, conversely, loved it. This was another one that I first played when I got that awesome Collector’s Edition for the ‘Cube, but when I bought it for the NES I replayed it just because I loved it. Granted, the difficulty spikes near the end, asking players to go through some of the most unreasonable gameplay in any game, especially a Zelda title. I highly recommend this one, especially if you’re not a fan of most Zelda titles.

The Animated Series (1989):

No Link, I will not excuse you. Not now and not ever.

While not a game, The Super Mario Bros Super Show began running animated episodes of The Legend of Zelda every Friday. As expected, the show itself had very little in common with the actual games. For one, Link spoke, and all the time, mostly with horrendous dialogue. Also, he was right-handed, in stark contrast to a running theme in the game series that Link was always left-handed. I could conceivably get past these problems, if not for the main one: The animated series didn’t understand how a Triforce worked. The opening cinematic says that Zelda keeps the Triforce of Wisdom safe and that Ganon has the Triforce of Power. That’s fine, but then Zelda says “If Ganon gets both the Triforce of Wisdom and the Triforce of Power he’ll be unstoppable!” They do realize that a Triforce by nature has THREE pieces, right? What was just described was a Biforce. Utter failure. And every episode, of which there were thankfully only 13, Link said his catchphrase “Well excuuuuuse me princess.” Ugh, makes me shudder just remembering. I don’t even know why they bothered putting this on DVD, or for that reason, why I bothered to purchase it and then watch it in full. Shame on me I suppose.

A Link to the Past (1991):

And then Nintendo reminded everyone that they still knew how to make a damn good Zelda game.

Zelda fans were really itching to get a new game in the style of the first by the early 90’s. Those prayers were answered with gusto once the SNES rolled around and A Link to the Past appeared in the style of the first game. Every single ounce of this game was polished to near perfection. The story was elaborated and fleshed out a bit, Link was given an arsenal of unique weapons and tools to progress, and the game was HUGE. After collecting the three mystical gems I figured the game was pretty much over, but then it sent me to the Dark World and told me there were eight more dungeons to explore. Epic! Sadly, my first memory of this game comes from when I borrowed it from a friend but the cartridge’s battery was dying, so when I turned it on one day all games had been erased, of which he had one at 100% in end game. He didn’t forgive me for quite some time after that, as if it was my fault the game was old.

Link’s Awakening (1993):

I'll never forget Koholint Island, even if it isn't real.

The first Zelda game I ever played, Link’s Awakening is still one of my favorite games of all time, at least in the top 10. It was the first game I got with my Game Boy one year during my birthday, and I was completely clueless how to play a Zelda game. I managed to get to the Bottle Grotto, the second dungeon, but I couldn’t figure out how to proceed any further. I was stuck, and nothing could help me, so I gave up for a few years. Eventually I went back to the game a little older and little wiser, but I still couldn’t get past the second dungeon. And then I accidentally pushed a block and triggered a secret staircase. That block also triggered something in my brain and unlocked a portion known as the “Zelda Mindset” used for all Zelda games or Zelda-like games. Since then I’ve had no problem in a Zelda game save for a few anomalies.

On a side note, this game also gave me my #1 most hilarious Zelda moment where Link speaks with Marin, the girl who found him washed up on he beach, and asks her to come help him with something midway through the game. When she agrees, Link “gets” her just like any other item, causing him to hold her above his head and look up her dress. I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw it happen. Beyond that, I still cry when I hear the ending theme play.

Zelda CD-i (1993):

This is really an image from the game. Isn't that just sad?

These are not Zelda games. Nintendo has even stated that these are not Zelda games. But still, there are three games, The Wand of Gamelon, The Faces of Evil, and Zelda’s Adventure, that contain Link, Zelda, and Ganon. I have not played any of the three, but I’ve seen extensive gameplay footage of people who have, and there’s no reason to punish yourself. However, I’ve claimed to Other Chris that if he finds me a CD-i and one of the Zelda games for it, I promise to play it to completion no matter what. Thankfully he has not yet acquired the needed materials to torture me properly. So to be clear, you can skip these three because they do NOT count. So let’s move on to my favorite game of all time instead.

Ocarina of Time (1998):

And then Nintendo reminded everyone they still knew how to make a damn good Zelda game...again.

As I said, Ocarina of Time is my favorite game of all time. It was my first Games You Should Have Played article and reappeared over and over and over again in one form or another in my various writings. It’s bound to show up again at some point, all because it really is an excellent game.

The tricky thing is, before Ocarina of time there wasn’t really a question of Zelda continuity, at least not for me anyway. The Legend of Zelda went directly into The Adventure of Link, and A Link to the Past had that same Link shipwrecked in Link’s Awakening. But with Ocarina of Time we were hearing what sounded like a complete origin story to everything. We learned where the Triforce came from and how Ganondorf started down the path of evil, plus we saw the world for the first time with 3D graphics, making it all the more impressive and real. But it was clear that the story wasn’t yet over. Navi, while annoying, flew away at the end of the game in a sad moment that I couldn’t help feeling sick about. My real question was: Would Link ever find Navi again?

Majora’s Mask (2000):

How do you follow up the best-reviewed game ever? Like this.

That’s when Majora’s Mask came along. It was a direct sequel to Ocarina of Time, so a lot was expected from it. The premise mentioned that Link was searching for a lost friend, presumably Navi (who else would he be looking for?), and then he gets jumped by the Skull Kid and thrown into the alternate world of Termina where the moon is falling. When I first played Majora’s Mask I enjoyed it, but I was sad that Link wasn’t still an adult. Plus, putting the whole game on a constantly resetting timer was jarring, but eventually you get used to it. It was certainly harder than Ocarina of Time for all the right reasons, but what stood out to me most then and especially now was the story. Majora’s Mask had the best story of any Zelda game and I’d argue still does.

See, Majora’s Mask is incredibly dark. The whole game deals with death and passing on. From the very start you realize that this game’s tone is way darker than any previous Zelda title, but it only gets darker. The big indicator is the means for how Link acquires new masks. There are three main masks he changes between: The Deku Mask, the Goron Mask, and the Zora Mask. When Link places these masks on his face he transforms in a short cutscene that shows him in agony (you can’t deny it), and later you learn that the Goron Mask was made because Daruni, the Goron chief, has died and given his power to you. Next, you find a dying Zora washed up on the beach and ease his pain, allowing him to die and leave you the Zora Mask.

What seems to get missed is that the Deku Mask must also contain the spirit of someone who died. In the first few minutes you’re transformed into a Deku Scrub and while learning the basics of the controls, you stumble upon a short tree that Tatl remarks looks just like you. A bit later, the Deku Butler helps you because you remind him of his son whom he hasn’t seen in quite some time. If you haven’t pieced this together, the ending cutscene shows the Deku Butler on his hands and knees in front of the Deku tree you see at the beginning of the game. That’s beyond dark. That’s intensely macabre, and I applaud the Zelda series for being that mature in story without having to be mature in violence or sex. Unfortunately, this would set a precedence that would cause problems in the series within just a few short years.

Also, I liked Tingle. I thought he was hilarious. Screw everyone that disagrees.

I’ll end part 1 of the Zelda Retrospective here to let you stew over Majora’s Mask’s darker tones. It will be the last time the series manages to rise to a level above most other games, and while my favorite is still Ocarina of Time, I maintain that Majora’s Mask is the best game of the series. But don’t forget to come back tomorrow for the second half where I explain why a bunch of Zelda fans jumped ship, literally, and how some of them came back.

Want more Zelda? Check out these articles:

-Zelda: A Retrospective Part 2

-Let’s Think Deep: The Virtual Utopia

-The Top Ten Best Zelda Items

Where can we see the ideal society? We need look no further than video games for that answer.

Today’s Let’s Think Deep is going to be a little different than usual. Usually I’m just writing for this site. However, the following is an essay I wrote for a class I’m taking abut Utopian literature and thought, hence why the tone is more formal. To make things simple, I’ve also included the Work Cited/Referenced page at the end, Amazon links included if you get curious.

The Virtual Utopia

To be blunt, the only viable medium that can offer the true understanding of either a utopian or dystopian society is the video game. Virtual worlds such as those found in video games provide not only an insight into the perceived Utopian vision of society but also a completely realized Utopian world all their own. How is this possible? By means of immersing players in a story, giving players the opportunity to create utopias of their own, and by progressing society into a real-world utopia, or rather the virtual component of such.

Saying that video games have evolved since the days of Pong and Donkey Kong is putting things lightly. Video games have progressed to a stage where they’ve managed to tell elaborate stories or represent larger concepts than something as simple as “Princess gets kidnapped.” While the majority of games don’t necessarily have any inherently utopian or dystopian qualities to them, a handful stand out that seem to point toward that exact relation.

One such series that tends to show both is the Legend of Zelda series. The parallels are easily made, for instance, in the world of Termina from Majora’s Mask. In this particular society, few people live an unhappy existence caused by most factors prevalent in the real world i.e. poverty, health concerns, or serious crime. The reason for any strife in this world is a direct result of a magical force causing the moon to slowly fall onto the main town.

Granted, if you looked out your window and saw this, you are given license to freak the heck out.

The same holds true for Ocarina of Time and the land of Hyrule, the usual world seen in the Legend of Zelda series. Hyrule’s populace seems overall content with the only outliers being considered odd and therefore not part of the society, such as a teenager who feels out of place with adults. Although the multiple races of the land, the Hyrulians, Kokori, Gorons, Zora, and Gerudo, live in mostly segregated areas, they share one unified language and one unified currency, the Rupee. Oddly enough, shops all over the land consistently charge the same amount for goods as all other shops, meaning there is a certain amount of regulation placed over consumer goods apparently agreed upon across all races. This implies that no one race is ultimately favored.

Perhaps one of the most important themes the Legend of Zelda series demonstrates is the loose class system in place. Paul Brown states in his essay Hyrule’s Green and Pleasant Land: The Minish Cap as Utopian Ideal:

“Hyrule, then, is something of the Platonic ideal… there is no slavery and, as indicated by Princess Zelda’s high status, there is absolutely no ambiguity regarding sexual equality. The greatest positive departure may be Hyrule’s porous social structure. There may still be no firm movement between classes, but there is a sense of easy integration… This is reinforced by the fact that a “lowly” artisan such as Master Smith can deliver goods to the King in person.”(Brown, 168).

Brown continues on by explaining how Princess Zelda, royalty, has an established friendship with Link, a blacksmith’s apprentice, which carries all the way from childhood. Such freedom of classes to converse and share relationships (the relationship between Zelda and Link has been hinted as being mildly romantic on multiple occasions) shows that this society is functional as an example of a social utopia, similar to that seen in Looking Backward, insomuch as everyone has a job in the society, but no one has a job viewed as necessarily “above” or “below” that of anyone else. Basically, no one shows any real signs of discontent, nor is there ever any mention of someone criticizing the royal family for any reason. In fact, the only individuals who ever view the royal family with spite are those seeking to take the power for themselves, ultimately showing themselves as the villains of that particular game and therefore outsiders to the society.

A world where all races freely trade? That doesn't sound too bad.

The prime example of this character is the series’ usual Big Bad, a Gerudo man named Ganondorf (or in some cases simply Ganon). Ganondorf’s first direct encounter with the Hyrulian royal family occurs in Ocarina of Time where he attempts to overthrow the king and usurp the kingdom so that he may steal Hyrule’s greatest treasure: The Triforce, a gift from the three goddesses that created the land. Ganon is consistently the only individual to seek this treasure, an item capable of granting its owner whatever his or her heart desires, despite the common public knowledge of this item’s truthful existence. Only Ganon ever feels the need to obtain the Triforce, feeling that with this new power he will gain full control over everyone. Remember, he is the only person ever depicted in these games as ever feeling he must have the Triforce’s power. Rather odd to consider.

A Direct Link to Utopian Literature of the Past

While the Legend of Zelda allows readers to see the usual utopian society under attack and ultimately restored, another game immerses the player in a world that has gone from that of a utopia into a state of dystopia where no such hope of reversal exists. This series is BioShock, a game released in 2007 that has currently sold over 4 million copies, not including rentals or used copies sold. Those figures enough are impressive, but what stands as even more impressive is the means through which BioShock’s story is told.

More appropriately, the story of BioShock is actually the story of Andrew Ryan and his underwater city of Rapture. Where to begin the relations between BioShock and utopian literature is difficult to decide since they are so closely linked. Andrew Ryan, a character that the game’s creative director Kevin Levine has stated gets his name from Ayn Rand, is originally a Soviet citizen who fled to the US to pursue the chance to freely invent without restrictions. He eventually creates a method of manipulating water molecules in order to compress and expand them, an invention he believes would be best used to bring water to places of the world in desperate need of such. However, the US government decides Ryan’s invention would better be utilized as a weapon for military purposes. This prompts Ryan to choose a different option. As he states when you first enter Rapture:

“I am Andrew Ryan, and I’m here to ask you a question. Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow? ‘No!’ says the man in Washington, ‘It belongs to the poor.’ ‘No!’ says the man in the Vatican, ‘It belongs to God.’ ‘No!’ says the man in Moscow, ‘It belongs to everyone.’ I rejected those answers; instead, I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose…Rapture, a city where the artist would not fear the censor, where the scientist would not be bound by petty morality, where the great would not be constrained by the small! And with the sweat of your brow, Rapture can become your city as well.” (Quoted from BioShock by xg3 of Game FAQs).

Ryan’s idea was to build a city underwater in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and only open its doors to the best the world had to offer, allowing artists and scientists full range of expression without fear of oppression. And for a time this works great. One scientist, Bridgette Tenenbaum, discovers a type of sea slug capable of generating a form of stem cells, soon dubbed “Adam,” that has amazing qualities in both the medical community as well as the supernatural community. Adam is altered further until the Eve serum is created, a substance that can be injected to alter an individual’s genetic structure allowing them to gain abilities such as telekinesis or the power to create fires by snapping their fingers. The more these serums are used, the greater the genetic distortion becomes, eventually leading to mental instability. Further complicating the morality of Adam and Eve serums, a method of extracting 20-30 times the Adam from the sea slugs is discovered, though the method requires the sea slug be implanted in the stomach of a young girl. These half-children are called Little Sisters, and while they cannot be killed, they retain very little humanity. Eventually, a method is crafted for Little Sisters to harvest Adam from deceased Adam-users, so another half-human is created in the Big Daddy, a hulking bodyguard that protects the Little Sister he’s assigned to. Both are conditioned heavily to remove any sense of a free will. Little Sisters are compelled to harvest Adam from “angels,” as they see them, and Big Daddies, which the Little Sisters refer to as “Mr. Bubbles,” will instantly attack anything that even remotely looks at their Little Sister.

Also, this greets you in the first few moments of the game as you enter Rapture.

While all of this backstory seems fairly straightforward, the history behind it all is anything but. As the player, you arrive in Rapture years after Ryan’s departure from the US, after Rapture is built, after Little Sisters and Big Daddies are created, and after the city has fallen due to a civil war broken out between Ryan’s inner circle and Splicers, a term used to describe citizens strung-out on Adam. Every bit of backstory is given to the player via recordings found throughout the game. The basic story can be completed without ever really knowing the full history of Rapture. At the beginning of his plot summary, xg3 states:

“90% of the facts stated in the account of Rapture below are taken from the things you hear, see, and experience in BioShock. 5% are taken from reliable outside sources. Ryan’s backstory was taken from an interview with Ken Levine, creative director of BioShock, on CultofRapture.com. The construction of Rapture was taken from a magazine ad someone had transcribed on some forum… Per the disclaimer above, some events (the last 5%) are implied and not directly spelled out for the player. BioShock’s story is a big puzzle. I merely put together the pieces.” (xg3 via GameFAQs).

Despite sharing much in common with books such as 1984 (Big Brother looking over everyone’s shoulder), and Brave New World (genetic engineering and extensive conditioning), the method for conveying the story is entirely different. If the player chooses to forgo exploration or listening to audio diaries, they can completely excuse themselves from the experience. If, however, they actively participate in the “puzzle,” as xg3 calls it, they are rewarded with a deeper sense of connection to the material, as well as their own understanding, to a certain extent. Whereas a book presents a world and tasks the reader with envisioning the world of the novel, a video game such as BioShock does the work of fully showing the world to them, but tasks them with completing the story and finding the inherent meaning.

Gamers Building Our Own Society

BioShock is unique in how closely it is tied to overt utopian/dystopian literature, but other games move the story aside and purely challenge the player to create the proper utopian society. Probably the best example of this is the game Sim City, a city simulator, as it’s generally referred to. In Sim City, you play the role of the mayor/city planner in charge of all executive decisions surrounding the city, starting with the most basic choices. Would you prefer to build a nuclear power plant or a coal burning plant? How close to water do you want your city? Are residential areas built next to each other or spread out? All these choices are left open to the player with no definite correct answer. The city will prosper or flounder based upon their decisions, so if the yearly taxes are low, citizens are happy, but this may cause trouble with funding for police, resulting in higher crime rates. Sim City puts the burden of ruling the perfect society on the player’s shoulders, only interjecting to give advice when a clear problem has appeared, such as fires, earthquakes, or traffic congestion.

Dang it, who put that volcano right there?!

Interestingly enough, Sim City gives the player all the needed tools to craft an ideal utopia, but it also has a menu that allows them to inflict disasters on the city, from something as simple as floods to something more devastating like a monster attack. At any given moment the player can decide to take their bulldozer and destroy the only power plant near the city, leaving the populace without power until further notice. Complete control is granted to help as well as hinder this society. The entire experience builds up to a realization that running a functioning utopia, even a simple one, is incredibly difficult.

The connection between the utopian ideal and video games is easy enough to make when looking at story and concept surrounding a particular game or series, but video games as a whole present the opportunity to not just show a fiction, but create a reality with an actual utopia, albeit a virtual one. All games tend to follow the same set of rules, the first of which is that all gamers are created equal. Though it is possible in some games to cheat, everyone by default begins at the same state of neutral at the very beginning of the game. No one can be born into a class where they begin Super Mario Bros 3 in world 6, nor will they be granted an extra life for anything more or less than exactly 100 coins. Everyone plays by the same set of rules regardless of class, gender, ethnicity, or any other number of factors.

A further example of a real (virtual) world utopia is seen in Blizzard’s Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game World of Warcraft. This MMORPG is currently the world’s most avidly played with supposedly more than 11 million subscribers worldwide. Here again is an instance where everyone is equal in his or her roles. When a player starts a new game, they choose a character they’ll play as for months at a time called their “avatar” and start, just like everyone else, at level 1. There are no exceptions. Players can choose different races, such as Elves, Humans, or Orcs, and different classes, such as Warriors or Sorcerers, but everyone is offered the same chance to succeed as everyone else. No one class is given a clear advantage and no one player is freely offered a pass to be the best. Players must work for their success equally as hard as the next player.

Utopian society in a nutshell.

This may not seem like much, but consider the real-world players of these games. It is entirely possible for a 20-year-old female in the prime of her life to play with a 50-year-old overweight male, a 16-year-old teenager in a wheelchair, and a 35-year-old mother of two, and each of them is fully capable of running about, fighting monsters and carrying out tasks for their guild’s quest, unhindered by any restrictions they’d find in the real world. This theme is touched on in the 2008 documentary Second Skin where the idea of an online community allows anyone to be capable of things they wouldn’t normally, where a boy in a wheelchair is a powerful warrior or an awkwardly shy individual is capable of talking without fear of reprisal.

World of Warcraft sets about to give players the chance to go on magical fantasy quests, but another game, loosely termed, is Second Life, more an online community than anything else, a place where essentially anything the player wants can happen. In Second Life there are no limitations and the focus isn’t on things playing out as a game but just about creating a virtual space for you to inhabit. Your avatar here is whatever you choose it to be, so it is routine to see an avatar in a tuxedo chatting with an avatar shaped like a carrot. The only thing holding the player back is their own creative limitations as anyone can program anything they choose into the game, as obscure as it may be. One user created a cannon that fired video game systems, just because he chose to. Nowhere else is the concept of a utopia capable of realization than in the realm of a video game. Nowhere else can the idea of the “no place” be realized than in a location that doesn’t physically exist.

Video games may not be a perfect society all their own quite yet, but they offer a close connection to that oft-sought ideal of the Utopian society. They provide a means to tell a story in a way no previous forms of entertainment could and assist in demonstrating the world of perfection and the world of ruin represented in many utopian/dystopian texts. They allow the player the opportunity to build and manage their own utopian societies. And finally, they stand as a place where all gamers are created equal, allowing for the virtual landscape to experience the chance at a true Utopia. This is all from just 30 years of progress in the medium. Just imagine how much closer to the perfect world the next 30 will bring us.

Work Cited

Brown, Paul. “Hyrule’s Green and Pleasant Land: The Minish Cap as Utopian Ideal.” The Legend of Zelda and Philosophy. Peru, Illinois: Open Court Publishing Company, 2008.

xg3. “BioShock: Plot Summary.” GameFAQs. Version 1.14 (07/22/09). 18 May. 2010 http://www.gamefaqs.com/xbox360/931329-bioshock/faqs/50049.

Work Referenced

Bellamy, Edward. Looking Backward. New York, New York: Dover Publications Inc, 1996.

BioShock. Boston/Canberra, Australia: 2K Boston/2K Australia, 2007.

Huxley, Aldous. Brave New World. New York, New York: Harper Perennial, 2006.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask. Kyoto, Japan: Nintendo, 2000.

The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap. Osaka, Japan: Flagship (under Nintendo), 2004/2005.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Kyoto, Japan: Nintendo, 1998.

Orwell, George. 1984. New York, New York: Penguin, 1981.

Pineiro-Escoriaza, Juan C. Second Skin. Pure West films, 2009.

Second Life. San Francisco: Linden Lab, 2003.

Sim City. Emeryville: Maxis, 1989.

World of Warcraft. Irvine: Blizzard Entertainment, 2004.

"You look sort of...uh...yeah I kinda already asked someone else to the dance. I'll call you another time."

I went on a long tirade yesterday regarding God of War III. I don’t want people thinking I’m just against Sony, so today I’m reviewing the other game I recently played: Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. This is the new Zelda game for the DS, and while it came out last year, I just now got around to playing and beating it. I fancy myself a Zelda fanboy, so let that be the basis for where most of these comments are about to come from. Without further ado, let’s hop on the Spirit Tracks and go for a ride.

Not the Best, But Not the Worst

Spirit Tracks is not my least favorite Zelda game. That honor goes to its predecessor, Phantom Hourglass. Because it’s slightly better than Phourglass, Spirit Tracks is only my second least favorite Zelda game. In the spirit of putting the good before the bad, I’ll talk about what Spirit Tracks does well before going off on why I disliked it so much.

My favorite aspect of Spirit Tracks is its reference to the world that came before it. Spirit Tracks is set roughly 100 years after Wind Waker with characters even mentioning Tetra, the Princess Zelda of that game, specifically, as well as other little references here and there to Link and characters/events that have already come and gone. I really like this and it’s what kept me going until the end because I was certain there would be further progress made for the series by the resolution of the plot.

Now I Get Mean

And here’s where the bad starts: There’s no further progress made to the world by the end of the game. I don’t feel I’m spoiling anything when I say that good vanquishes evil and the land is at peace once again before the credits roll. I expected a bigger, better payoff, but there wasn’t one. Even worse for me, the land this takes place in, which isn’t named, definitely isn’t Hyrule. This is a new land that I don’t particularly care about or have any interest in since it really doesn’t have a history. The world has a history, but this land I’m supposed to save doesn’t. It’s hardly 100 years old, so already I’m wondering why an ancient evil is attacking it again.

And why it also has an evil train.

I don’t remember who the final boss of Phourglass was. I remember the plot, but I can’t for the life of me recall whom I was supposed to defeat in order to save Tetra. I think it was a pirate ghost or something. All I know is it wasn’t Ganon, and that always sort of makes me disinterested in a Zelda game. I know, it’s strange to complain that the series isn’t just using the same formula, but I’ve come to like parts of that formula for whatever reason, and one of those reasons is I know who Ganon is and why he’s a good villain. Malladus, the Big Bad from Spirit Tracks, is another one of those villains that I’ll completely forget once a year or two go by.

The other big convention that’s broken is Zelda’s inclusion along with your journey, though she’s only in a spirit form since her body’s been stolen. This was supposed to be the big awesome new gameplay mechanic to hinge the game on since she can enter Phantom Armor and assist you in some dungeons. Sadly, she usually functions as an even more annoying Navi when she’s out of the armor by constantly bugging you with information and nagging at you, and as a complete moron when she’s in the armor. Telling her to do something as simple as “Follow me” makes her brain explode, causing you to manually trace her steps across a bridge or around corners so she can navigate the dungeons for you.

No really, it's okay if you just chill here for a while. I'll be back when I'm done saving the world again.

Simplicity Done Wrong

I did actually enjoy the dungeons, just like most Zelda games, since Zelda games have good dungeon designs. Also, Zelda doesn’t do anything within these dungeons, so it’s just me, Link, and a bunch of relatively simple but interesting puzzles. The bosses though, those were just plain frustrating or dull save for the boss of the Fire Temple. All of this is a result of the controls. Spirit Tracks, like Phourglass, forces you to use the stylus for everything. Movement, item usage, sword fighting, everything. And in attempting to simplify everything the game only gets more complicated.

For example, there is a puzzle at one point where I need to hit a blue-fire torch with my boomerang so that it will freeze the water wherever the boomerang’s path is drawn. I draw a squiggly path so that I’ll have the most coverage possible and then run out into the middle of this pond so that I can attack some water enemies that shoot things I have to blow back using the pinwheel item (that causes me to blow into the mic, something that’s equally as frustrating). I have to wait on the ice while they shoot at me, but if they don’t shoot right away, the ice will start to melt, meaning I have to go back into my menu, bring up my boomerang as my primary item again, redraw a path for the boomerang to freeze, run to the newly frozen spaces, pull out my pinwheel item, tap it to have it equipped, and wait to blow into the mic at the right time. That single puzzle nearly caused me to snap my DS in half from frustration.

I just wanted the game to allow for more control schemes. I have no problem with the stylus-only option if I have the option to customize it for my needs, specifically to incorporate other buttons. Just being able to use the D-pad for movement would have been enough for me. It’s already difficult enough to hold the DS with one hand, and I have the original DS Phat, so my left hand is going to have to become stronger by the end of the game, otherwise I simply can’t hold it without dropping the game. I’d frequently take damage in the game because I’d be trying to slash my sword but the game thought I was just pointing in a direction I wanted to run. A fireball is headed towards me, why would I just want to run into it?!

Because Everyone Loves Trains

Get used to the frequent train rides because you won't have a choice.

Besides the controls grating on my last nerve (seriously, I can’t repeat the words I said last night while fighting the final boss since this is a family website), the other huge flaw with Spirit Tracks is the train mechanic. Simply, the train elements are boring. I don’t care about trains. I’ve never cared about trains. You have to use the train to travel everywhere, back and forth, very slowly traversing the game’s map to go from one point to another. All the side quests involve elaborate fetch quests where I’m asked to go to some town in order to get some material, like wood, and bring it back to some person so they can build a fence. While transporting the wood I need to make sure not to take damage from enemies since that will cause me to lose materials. Other times I’m just asked to transport passengers from one place to another since they have nothing better to do. Once more, I’m not supposed to take damage from enemies because my passengers will get angry. Even worse, they critique my driving, complaining if I don’t blow my whistle at certain signs or slow my train down between speed zones, placed for no other reason in the world save for to provide these passengers with something to test me with. Why does every single random person in this land suddenly feel qualified to critique my train driving? The game goes out of its way to point out how “awesome” it is for Link to have become an engineer since it takes years of hard work to master, so what’s the point of having everyone complain at me when I don’t blow my whistle at a sign placed in the middle of NOWHERE when the world’s obviously in danger?

Also, get used to seeing this thing in caves because you'll have to fight it multiple times JUST BECAUSE.

The train driving slowly (emphasis on SLOWLY there) drags the game down from being a great game to just something that’s somewhat average. To say this is a Zelda game is like saying that a glass of milk with one drop of chocolate syrup in it makes it chocolate milk. The train driving is probably close to 90% of the time spent playing the game. This is a train simulator with some Zelda elements mixed in, not the other way around.

So once again I’m forced to say that a game isn’t bad but it isn’t good. Spirit Tracks has a lot of good in it, but it’s not a good Zelda game by any means. Zelda fans will probably not enjoy this one as much as they’d like. At least we have the promise of a new console Zelda coming within a year or so.

I still place this above most other games. Can anything change my mind?

I love video games. I play them frequently (and sometimes write about them, as you may have noticed). I always get excited with every new Mario and Zelda game, or anything that seems to interest me beyond a simple, “Oh, that looks like a fun game to rent.” But when I get down to it I always inevitably say to myself, “Yeah, this is good, but it’s no Mario Bros 3/Ocarina of Time/Final Fantasy 6.” Why is that? I know I’m not the only one to think this way. We’ve got to a point where we’re demanding games replicate our favorites from the past, but when they can’t we throw a fit. Can we ever make a new “Perfect Game?” Let’s Think Deep.

The Problem With Perfection

A good recent game to use as a jumping point here is New Super Mario Bros Wii, a game that borrows heavily from the classic Mario games, specifically Super Mario Bros 3 and Super Mario World. It seems almost like a “greatest hits” from the 2-D Mario platformers. I loved it. I wrote about this on more than one occasion. I stand by my statements. But I didn’t like it as much as Mario Bros 3. Why? Because it wasn’t Mario Bros 3. That’s not a very fair thing to say, but it just didn’t wow me like Mario Bros 3 did when I was a wee child. Perhaps the nostalgic aspect got in the way and forced me to find a qualifier somewhere, so that when I said, “This game is amazing!” it didn’t somehow, in some way, obliterate the memories of my childhood past. I simply can’t allow myself to like a Mario game more than 3, purely because I remember childhood as something wonderful and the world today as something bleak. How can something from a place that’s bleak outshine something from a world that was wonderful?

Can I ever separate this moment from my mind when playing new Zelda titles?

The same problem presented itself when I played through Twilight Princess. I thought Twilight Princess was one of the best Zelda games, let alone best games, I’d ever played. I’d rank it somewhere within my top 15 games of all time. But I couldn’t bring myself to like it more than Ocarina of Time. “Oh wow, this is so cool! Uh, but, Ocarina was better.” Was it really? It’s impossible to tell since at the time of its release, Ocarina of Time was the absolute peak of adventure-style video gaming. It was, to me (and many others), the perfect game. If you’ve never played it before and try playing it now, you might not really agree with that statement. In fact, you may think I’m crazy for ever liking the game in the first place. It just holds so much of my childhood in it that it becomes hard to separate it from what it is and how I remember it.

Retro Is In

There has been a big push from major developers as of late to search back through their “classic” games and find some gold to resell, either in a remake of the classic or in a straight port to one of the online networks. Nintendo hit on a great concept with the Virtual Console, an online marketplace devoted almost entirely to selling us out treasured memories back for a reasonable price. Both the Xbox Live Arcade and the Playstation Network have gotten into this, even offering games from more recent past. One of my best friends is playing Final Fantasy VII for the first time now that he’s downloaded it from the Playstation Network. He’s so devoted to playing it that he’s selling me his other new purchase, Fable II, for $15. Is he liking it? Well, he’s found numerous gripes, of which I can agree with, but he’s still playing it for some reason. It just isn’t as amazing for him as it was for me.

You can download this right now on the Virtual Console for $10. Why haven't you?

Why is that? Final Fantasy VII is regarded as one of the greats, so how can anyone dislike it now? It all has to do with timing. I played it first when I was still relatively new to RPG’s. It was also the first game I played on my Playstation. I fell in love with the characters and really cared about what would happen in the story. The only commitments I had while playing it were to school (which was unimportant to me), and nothing else. I didn’t need sleep so long as I had a mission to do and a Sephiroth to defeat. I was able to look past all the flaws and see nothing but a fantastic game. When I try and play it now I can’t even get myself past the first disc, let alone finish the game.

So back to New Super Mario Bros Wii: People have a gripe with it for failing to be as good as its predecessors. I don’t think that’s quite fair. I especially hate hearing that it’s just a rehash of previous games since it’s a new freaking game with new levels and new power-ups and all that jazz. It’s a new game, just with references back to other games in the franchise. It knows where it’s coming from, but it’s willing to at least try to do something new within the established old. Why? Because fans love this sort of thing. That game has sold millions of copies –MILLIONS- and I have a feeling it wasn’t because people were just settling for whatever they could get their hands on. No, fans snatched it up by the mustache-loads because it was a good game that reminded them of something they loved from their past.

Is this the best selection of bosses you'll ever find? Hard to tell.

Capcom has been perfecting this for a while now, what with their final definitive release of Street Fighter II, a game that pretty much everyone who wanted to buy it already had. Still, it was a big success. They did the same thing with Marvel Vs. Capcom 2. They also tried bringing Bionic Commando into the new age with a big-budget new entry in the series, which ultimately flopped. However, their HD remake of said game was a huge success. A while ago they released a new Mega Man game with 8-bit graphics and an 8-bit soundtrack. And people downloaded it like…well I’ll tell you what that analogy is when you’re older, kids. It did so well that Mega Man 10 has just been announced and will follow suit with the same style and everything. Retro is in. But why?

You Can’t Change The Past

As I said, people can’t let go of their childhoods. A lot of really good games have come out in the past year (Arkham Asylum, Uncharted 2, Mario & Luigi 3, just to name a few), yet none of those will be on any “Best Games Ever” lists. The most recent “new” game to start appearing on those lists is Resident Evil 4, a game that Capcom ported from the GameCube to the PS2 and then the Wii since it had done so well. Final Fantasy XIII comes out in mere days, but will fans place it above all the others? Very doubtful. They’ll find something to gripe about, purely because it isn’t the game they first played and it isn’t the game they first loved. I want to say that Super Smash Bros Brawl is better than Melee, because it is, but I can’t force myself to say it. Something about admitting that the game I spent so much time and energy loving is now inferior is just something I can’t do.

I would gladly be forced to play this game for the rest of my life and only this game. I loved it that much.

And there may lie the problem of creating the perfect game. Companies will never be able to top their most successful games. Mario Bros 3 will still be Mario’s best side-scrolling adventure whereas Mario 64 will be the best 3D platformer period. Ocarina of Time trumps just about every adventure game out there. Final Fantasy 6 or 7 will always be favored over the new titles coming out. Even games that are similar to games in other series will always seem inferior. Shadow of the Colossus was and is one of the best game experiences I’ve ever had. Oops, someone at one point called it the “Zelda Killer.” Silly them, now no Zelda fan will ever love it more than their favorite Zelda title. I went out of my way to hate the game even before it was released on the grounds that it was blaspheming my beloved series. First Person Shooters keep getting touted as “Halo Killers” and so far there have been few to even come close to the mighty throne, with only Modern Warfare being the apparent rightful heir. It seems a surefire way to prevent your game from ever being considered one of the greats is to proudly proclaim that it already is. No one will allow that.

So can we create the perfect game? No, no such game exists. Even the mighty Ocarina of Time has major flaws. No matter what someone makes, someone else will always find a reason to dislike it. It seems to me that the best way to make something near a “perfect game” is to make something unlike anything that’s come before it. Sure, borrow attributes if you need to, but don’t do it so much that people are forced to compare it straight-paralleled to another game. If you can make something without any constraints then it might just excel to new heights. The task of doing that, though, is nigh impossible. You have better luck just staying with what works. Why is it you think Nintendo is so reluctant to create new IP’s in favor of new Mario, Zelda, and Pokemon games? Because people will buy the new games in the franchise no matter what, even if they don’t think it’ll be better than the games they remember. But they’ll always hope.

What do you consider the perfect game? I think Super Mario Bros 3 is as close as one can come to perfection. Ocarina of Time is clearly a favorite of mine as well, but I understand when someone isn’t interested there. But what are your favorites? Do you have a game that you’re certain is perfect? Do you feel that Mega Man 2 got it right and all the games afterward just couldn’t live up to it? Do you think that Modern Warfare 2 perfected the multiplayer standard in a game? Do you believe that World of Warcraft is the end-all for MMORPG’s from now until forever? I bet you know what comes next: Leave a comment. I can’t find out any insight if you don’t give me some. The button’s right there, so use it to enlighten me further. I implore you.

Is the Wii a bad system? Let's Think Deep.

At this moment in time, the Nintendo Wii is set up to be known as the “winner” of the current console cycle due to the unexpected amount of sales and complete reversal from the previous console cycle. I for one couldn’t be happier for reasons I’ll get to eventually. Regardless of sales numbers, the Wii is nearly universally panned by gamers due to the high amount of shovelware populating the system. But does that make it a bad system? It got me thinking. What exactly makes a system good? Sounds to me like this would be a good opportunity for us to Think Deep. So Let’s, hmm?

“But The System Has So Many Bad Games”

The complaint I hear most often regarding the Wii has to do with the controls. Specifically, they don’t work. Publishers constantly release games that force the player to use either the Wiimote motion controls or even worse the Balance Board from Wii Fit that “works” about 25% of the time. This results in games that would otherwise end up being decent games turned into broken messes. It was a Godsend when Nintendo decided that Smash Bros Brawl would support GameCube controllers in addition to just about every other controller type they had. The complaint about controls is a valid one, but that doesn’t instantly mean the system is bad.

Right now we have the luxury of living in an age where there are three perfectly excellent systems to choose from. Even better is the effect the Internet has had on everything since reviews can come out before a game is even released, meaning that you know whether a game will be good or not. Think back to the time of the NES when the only system you could choose from was the NES. It wasn’t very simple to get reviews or news about specific games, so when you went to buy or rent a game, you did so almost entirely on the artwork and the description on the back of the box. How many NES games do you think were great? The NES was full of shovelware titles, as someone like the Angry Video Game Nerd can attest to, but I doubt anyone would ever call it a “bad system.”

Are you going to be the one to say the NES sucked? I don't think so.

Now we have the ability to know everything about a game before we even play it, plus there is an excess of reviewers out there contributing to the overall rating of a game (thankfully my silly little summaries aren’t counted in a game’s Metascore). The bad games get more press than they used to and the numbers we’re dealing with are heavily skewed. Simply put, the rating system isn’t perfect right now, but it does give us the ability to know more about our games in a way we didn’t have 20 years ago.

The Hardships of Luxury

So what does this mean for our friend the Wii? It means that everyone knows when a bad game comes out and gives the gaming community an opportunity to see the system’s shortcomings. The question remains though, “What makes a system good or bad?” Do bad games make a system bad? No, otherwise every system would be considered awful. As of now, all systems are roughly within the same general average game rating area between 65 and 75%, and that number is constantly shifting as new games come out. While the Wii may not be at the top of the list, it doesn’t mean it’s a crummy system.

The is the counter-argument for any Xbot speaking ill of the Wii.

Here’s the thing: People believe their favorite system is the best because it’s their favorite. What are your favorite games? If you love God of War and Metal Gear Solid, you probably believe that the PS3 is the best system and the other two are inferior. Huge on Halo and Gears of War? The 360 is clearly the best. Are you like me and love Mario and Zelda? How could the Wii not be the best system out right now? It’s all relative to what you like playing most.

To answer why I’m happy to see the Wii in first place right now, it all has to do with my favorite games. No, I don’t think the Wii is the best system out there, but I do consistently prefer it’s biggest and best games, such as Super Mario Galaxy, Twilight Princess, Metroid Prime 3, and especially Smash Bros Brawl. I’m ecstatic to hear that Nintendo’s doing so well because it means my favorite franchises will be around for a long time to come.

This is very much like the Console Wars of the early 90’s where it was either SNES or Genesis for the win. It didn’t matter what people said one way or the other about graphics or sound; it came down to whether you liked Sonic or Mario better and that was the decider. After the Genesis, Sega sort of lost its mind and ran everything that’s considered good about it into the ground. Sure, the Dreamcast was a nice glimmer, but it still failed due to Sega’s poor tactics in regards to marketing and just plain doing their fanbase justice. It’s only just now that they’ve announced Sonic 4, a game that fans have been telling them to make for over 10 years. I just can’t imagine the amount of agony a Sonic fan must have endured for over a decade, watching Mario fans get more or less exactly what they want while Sonic turns into a Werehog (which would mean “Man-hog” by the way).

Like him or not, this guy has ridiculous staying power.

The Year of The Usual Promises

2010 is promising to be a big one once again as Microsoft is releasing Project Natal and Sony is releasing whatever the heck its motion controller is called. If the Wii’s controls make it a bad system, why are its competitors, companies run by intelligent people, rushing to match the same “gimmick” that defines the system? Money, of course. The Wii has managed to bring in a share of the market that was previously untapped and created new gamers from the casual sector. If this means I have to deal with a few dozen shovelware titles so that I get a new Metroid this year, so be it.

It’s becoming very tiresome to hear every company or analyst decide that “2010 is the Year of the PS3” or the “Age of the Xbox” or whatever. Do systems ever have a year that is undeniably its year? Other than the Atari or the NES? And even if it has a good year, does it instantly make up for the previous years or any years to come? No, it’s just a gage for fans to based judgment off so that they can argue that their system is winning or losing or what have you. I love the Wii, but I’m currently playing tons of great games on the 360, and in a month I plan to spend an epic weekend with one of my best friends beating God of War III on the PS3. In the meantime, I still spend my nights playing my DS before bed.

So which system do I think is best? I couldn’t tell you. I can’t even decide which I enjoy playing the most. It comes down to my tastes at the time. I am plowing through game after game on the 360 because I missed out on a lot at the beginning of the console cycle, but I keep going back to my Wii to play Brawl every so often. Both systems have a valued place in my home, but I couldn’t tell you which is the better system. I think both have too many faults for me to consider either of them “the best,” but they’re nowhere close to “the worst.”

When Project Natal is released and has the typical smattering of titles built to demonstrate its capabilities and titles built to get money, will it ultimately decide the 360’s fate? No way. Fans will stick around and haters will claim the system is falling apart. It’s a cycle that will never end.

Has there ever been a system that you feel is perfect? For me, I was always happy with my GameCube. It was one of my favorite systems despite its lack of first-placeness. But what are your favorite systems and why? I loved my GameCube because I was addicted to the games and felt its titles were best suited for the sort of games I play. Still, that’s just me. I don’t think we’ll ever have a perfect system, but we can have systems that do what their fans need them to. Now it’s time to hear from the fans, so leave a comment about what makes a system good for you. Represent!

Overclocked Remix turned 10 just recently. Have you been listening?

You may not know it about me, but I actually think myself a pretty avid music lover. I just don’t listen to what most people listen to. What I listen to most of all are video game soundtracks, so when I want to up the stakes a bit I listen to video game remixes, and no one does it better than Overclocked Remix. OCRemix is the best site for video game music recompositions on the web, so I figured I’d share my love with the world in the form of a list. Problem is, they’ll be hitting their 2000th remix this year, and at least 500 of those remixes are in my constant play cycle. I couldn’t limit myself to a top 10, so I extended it to a top 15 list with two restraints: no two remixes by the same artist or of the same game. So here they are, my Top 15 OCRemixes.

15. Fear of the Flava by McVaffe:

A remix of the Secret of Mana main theme right out of the gate? Dang this list is gonna be good.

Just the fact that I’m starting with a Secret of Mana remix, STARTING, is saying something about these remixes. While McVaffe’s remix is excellent in of itself, it didn’t have a difficult task as Secret of Mana’s source music is stunning to say the least. McVaffe though has a number of great remixes on the site with a number of wonderful Tetris and Yoshi’s Island remixes to take note of. This remix keeps things fairly simple, but sometimes that’s all you need to do.

14. Turd Surfers by chumble spuzz:

Gotta show my love for Turtles In Time, yo.

I argued with myself about this one by artist chumble spuzz since I really love this remix, specifically the phenomenal guitar solo that kicks in late in the track. I would have placed it higher if I was just going for face-melting solos, but that alone isn’t enough to push it to the highest spots. Still, such a great remix of Sewer Surfin’ in Turtles in Time for the SNES, my favorite TMNT game, I couldn’t pass up.

13. Sonic Gargles With Garden Marbles by GuitarBizarre, Prince of Darkness:

A good game, a great remix.

Sonic the Hedgehog is a series with a strong emphasis on great music. The games on the Genesis even challenged the SNES for great old-time tunes. This team-up of GuitarBizarre and Prince of Darkness gets me every time as it takes Sonic 3’s Marble Garden Zone and puts it to some smooth melodies that managed to mellow out any bad day.

12. DeathontheSnowfield by AmIEviL:

Who hasn't wanted to remix Terra's Theme, honestly?

However, if you’d prefer to engross yourself in a bad mood, or at least the moody aspect of it, AmIEvil’s remix of Terra’s Theme from Final Fantasy VI manages to nearly bring me to tears. Terra’s Theme gets remixes all the time on OCRemix, but this one keeps it at a sadder, more emotional level that I can’t get enough of. Hey, music isn’t always supposed to get your jazzed, right? Besides, AmIEvil has plenty more good stuff to check out if this particular remix isn’t to your liking.

11. TurksInPursuit by DJ Orange:

There ware a lot to choose from in terms of FFVII remixes, so take that as a statement to judge with remix with.

This one’s just cool in every sense of the word. It was inevitable that Final Fantasy VII was going to show up here in some form, but how did a remix of the slums outdo Aeris’ Theme or One-Winged Angel? Take a listen and you might figure it out. One of the key reasons for my love of these remixes hinges on how much the source material is reimagined and DJ Orange seems to have that skill down for TurksInPursuit. Think mood music for this one and you’ll get why I love it.

10. Mamacitas in My Valley by Diggi Dis:

Pff, of course Ocarina of Time was showing up somewhere.

Another one of the most remixed tracks is Gerudo Valley from Ocarina of Time. Diggi Dis raised the bar for style in regards to the all-favorite track with a mix that plays like a good song to dance to. Heck, I even had this song playing during the reception at my wedding, an act that my wife didn’t argue with, if that gives you an idea of how great I think it sounds.

9. Jade Catacombs by bLiNd:

Definitely one of the best SNES games and full of stellar music.

Beyond bLiNd being an amazing remixer on the site, part of my inclusion of Jade Catacombs comes from the story behind the remix. Other remixers on the site found out that bLiNd was sick, so they made him a get-well album of Metroid-themed songs. The album itself is worth a listen, but after all that, bLiNd not only announced he was all better, he announced he was engaged, so he did his own remix for the get-well album and named it after his fiancé. Even if the remix wasn’t incredible, that’s an awesome story. In this case we get both.

8. Super Mario Bros 2 Insomnic by Insomnic:

Totally puts you in the mood for fun.

Despite my love of some remixes breaking conventions with the source, I’m also rather fond of remixes that take the heart and soul of the source and add tons of energy. That’s what Insomnic does with his remix of Super Mario Bros 2’s overworld theme. It’s fast, it’s peppy, and it’s a must-listen for any fans of cool techno music.

7. Bowser is Pissed by PriZm:

Rocking Bowser with the best of the best.

Oh my goodness, this is some great stuff. Take something as simple as the Castle BGM from Super Mario Bros and try to come up with something better than this remix here. It’s intense but gives a nice moment to breathe in the middle before attacking your ears with awesome at the end. I wish this would replace the actual music in all further re-releases of Super Mario Bros.

6. Triforce Majeure by Disco Dan:

More Zelda? Dang right.

I couldn’t include a list of the best from OCRemix and not include Disco Dan. He has a remix of Snakeman’s Theme from Mega Man 3 that’s to die for, but for this list, his best has to be Triforce Majeure from A Link to the Past, specifically the music from Hyrule Castle. The only word you can really use here is “Epic.” It’s long, but give it a listen and let it sink in for a moment or three. Then listen again and try not to envision how cool this would sound in a Legend of Zelda movie.

5. Dark Matter by PrototypeRaptor:

Also, go play this if you haven't already.

PrototypeRaptor nearly got on my list for his Star Fox remix but I had to choose between that and his remix of Miracle Matter from Kirby 64. No contest. I don’t know why Miracle Matter doesn’t get remixed over and over and especially why it doesn’t get mentioned as one of the best video game tracks ever as it is, according to me, the best boss theme music I’ve ever heard. Dark Matter is fight music, through and through.

4. BTMNTBAMLOL by Danimal Cannon, Kbart, Stemage:

The box art does this remix justice, not the other way 'round.

Yes! Too much greatness is crammed into one little remix, taking tracks from TMNT 3 on the NES and mixing in some other Turtle themes from here and there. What this all equals is one heck of a face-melting rock remix. The opening has become my default ringtone, and I challenge anyone to stay seated or refrain from cheering at about 3:50 or so. It has what I’ll go ahead and say is the most powerful moment in any of these songs with a tone shift towards Beyond Awesome.

3. Just a Little More (Prime Edit) by DarkeSword:

I will always pause fora second whenever I get to Phendrana Drifts, just to listen to the music.

My favorite video game song is undeniably Phendrana Drifts from Metroid Prime, so when I heard DarkeSword’s remix of said theme, I couldn’t help but love it, too, especially since he’s manage to keep the essence of the track but added just enough to make it better. The harp solo gets me every time and nearly makes me weep with joy. I love it that much.

2. Intense Color by SGX, sephfire:

Wait, what? Mario Paint had music?

Do you remember Mario Paint? Okay, try and think of the music in that. It’s calm and serene, right? Just some chill background music. SGX and sephfire managed to take this, and turn it into something too cool for words. What makes it even better is when you can definitely hear the source material in the track, but only for brief enough moments to make you go, “They were able to make this hardcore techno track from that?” So what could outdo a remix as skilled as that?

1. Chekan Winter by Prophecy:

It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be dark, and it's gonna last a lifetime.

It’d have to be something else to make the top of my list. Sure, remixing the Mario Paint music is one thing, but Chekan Winter comes from the Northern Hemispheres levels in Donkey Kong Country. You will not be able to recognize the remix as coming from this. I love songs that build slowly, leveling track after track on top of each other until they culminate in an explosion of Scrumtrilessence in the end. This is one such example of that happening. I could listen to this one over and over again without stopping, something I’ve done before and will do again. Hence, it’s my Number 1 OCRemix.

So have you listened to anything on OCRemix before? Do you have some favorites that I didn’t hit on? Remember, these are 15 from nearly 2000, so there are a lot more to cover. I’d like to hear what your favorites are and why, or even just who your favorite remixer is. And heck, don’t stop with commenting here. Head over to Overclocked Remix and show them some love as well. They certainly deserve it.

Yeah, I'd be tired of these quotes, too.

Gaming has begun moving past the point of a niche culture and broken into the mainstream. We all know this, so I’m not really covering new ground here. We’ve got a huge library of games to pluck endless references from, but something I’ve noticed is the same references come back again and again. These are some quotes that I hear people make probably a little more than they should. So here they were, the Top 10 Video Game Quotes That Need To Die.

10. “Boom headshot!”

You know what a headshot looks like, you expert snipers, you.

Anyone familiar with either First Person or Third Person Shooters are well acquainted with this little quote. Used after shooting another player in the head, this remark is typically uttered just in case someone didn’t realize their character died due to a missing head (though the missing brain could explain a lot). It may be a stretch to see this outside of the games, luckily not used during extremely serious and unfunny real-world events, but it’s getting more commonplace especially on college campuses. Yup, that’ll be a trend here.

9. “Finish him!”

Don't forget to say it with a deep, menacing voice.

Mortal Kombat introduced the gaming world to an abundance of over-the-top violence with fatality moves. Once a fighter is beaten up enough the announcer comes on and utters “Finish him!” This prompts you to, you guessed it, finish him. It’s a classic quote, but Mortal Kombat is moving past its prime to a place where it just needs to move on. I much prefer the Killer Instincts quote, “C-C-C-Combo Breaker!”

8. “Do a barrel roll!”

Thank you, Peppy. That was actually good advice.

Despite my affinity toward this Star Fox 64 classic, it has gotten heavily overdone. If any video pops up on YouTube with a roll of any sort (no one seems to understand what a “Barrel Roll” is), rest assured this comment pops up. It’s a shame since Star Fox 64 is practically a cheesy Sci-Fi action thriller with the amount of awesomely bad quotes to be pulled, such as “I can’t let you do that, Fox,” or “Something’s wrong with the G-Diffuser!” Yet only Peppy’s infamous line gets repeated in excess. What a waste.

7. “So I herd you liek Mudkipz.”

I prefer this version.

This little quote comes from the bowels of the Internet from a random story involving a Mudkip which you’ve either heard at this point or haven’t. For those of you not in the know, “So I herd you like Mudkipz” is an insult that roughly means, “You’re an idiot.” It was fun for the first year since it replaced one of the other quotes on the list for a while (Number 2), but now it’s lost its cleverness.

6. “All your base are belong to us.”

Of all the images I could have selected for this one, I sure went with the most boring, didn't I?

This is the original great Internet meme from long, long ago. Coming from Zero Wing, this piece of supremely poorly translated dialogue became fashionable since it was humorous to see where it could go, much like “Kilroy Wuz Here” from the past. So “All your base are belong to us” was photoshopped onto any and everything. Unsurprisingly, it had nowhere left to go, but it wouldn’t die. It’s far past its heyday, but if we’re not careful it could come right back. Better nip this one in the bud before it’s too late.

5. “Now you’re thinking with portals.”

These are portals. You, apparently, should be thinking with them.

Valve’s Portal is a Game You Should Have Played. However, it is sadly responsible for an explosion of references, specifically to the fact that the game requires you to “Think With Portals.” Suddenly every web comic around decided it was a good idea to do a comic where something goes in one portal and comes out the other, most of which were stupidly simple photoshops. Penny Arcade had a wonderful joke with a slide, but everyone else went ahead and did their free week of non-thinking for a webcomic, having their joke written for them. It was on all sorts of T-shirts and mouse pads, all because people were blown away with a simple yet brilliant concept. I’m glad I don’t get told nearly enough that all my problems boil down to me “Not thinking with portals.”

4. “Hey! Look! Listen!”

That you, Navi. That was actually good advice.

I loved Ocarina of Time. Everyone else loved Ocarina of Time as well. I never understood why, but regardless of the game’s love, people hated Navi the blue fairy, Link’s assistant and guide to the game. She was the curser to let you know what you were locked on to, and at times she’d say “Hey!” or “Look!” or “Listen!” I never found this annoying, but some people still can’t stand this. I’ll see web comics fishing for jokes with this tired one, placing Link in a straightjacket, gone mad from hearing Navi speak again and again. Leave it along already; it’s just not funny. It’s more annoying to have people draw attention to it.

3. “The Cake is a Lie”

I hate it when I'm lied to, especially if it's not a lie.

Another quote from Portal, and while it was the quote everyone seemed to glob on to like it was Shakespeare, the statement itself was a lie. You find this scribbled next to a deceased character in the game, telling you that the delicious cake GLaDOS is promising you is a lie. Suddenly this was the answer to every question ever. Princess kidnapped? Didn’t matter, the cake is a lie. Nuclear annihilation imminent? Who cares, the cake is a lie. You suck at a video game? Obviously you’re not thinking with portals since, you know, the cake is a lie. But like I said, at the end of the game you find out that the cake was real. “The cake is a lie” is a lie. Funny how that works.

2. “Take that, (Expletive Deleted)”

You probably just said this, didn't you?

Here’s one of the key reasons I rarely enjoy playing games online with people: I’m playing and either do something good or something bad, and either way someone whose maturity level is far too low decides to kill me, immediately following it up with a “Take that, (Expletive Deleted)!” Rest assured it probably has an F in there somewhere, and rest assured even more, it makes no sense on all sorts of fundamental levels. There are all sorts of variations on this quote, most of which could be lumped into “Anything Said On Xbox Live,” but we need this quote and quotes like this to pass on before it does more damage and makes the industry’s fans look like a bunch of idiots. Come on game players, we’re better than this. If you don’t say things like this online, give yourself a pat on the back. If you do say this, (Expletive Deleted).

1. “Thank you Mario, but our Princess is in another castle.”

You're darn right she better be. I didn't pay full price for a game with only one world.

The original twist in a game, after plowing through the first four levels of Super Mario Bros and beating what you think is Bowser, you discover a Toad in the next room that says, “Thank you Mario, but our Princess is in another castle!” This happens six more times, each time making you loathe Toads greater and greater. Eventually you do save Princess Peach and for your efforts you get a kiss. Now that we’re all 25 years older, the joke of the princess being in another castle doesn’t stop, nor does the joke that all Mario gets is a kiss or at times a cake if he’s really lucky (assuming the cake isn’t a lie). We’re past sexualizing Mario for a joke. It’s not funny anymore. When Seth MacFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, makes the joke, you know it’s gotten stale. Give us something new to play with already.

And that’s all the quoting I can deal with. Am I striking a cord here with anyone or am I just ticking you off like some of my previous Top 10s? Did I miss something that needed to be on the list? Or maybe you disagree with some of my choices? Comment, comment, comment. Because we can never stop hearing about these quotes.

If he never pulled the sword, would anything have happened? Let's Think Deep.

It’s a new year and with that comes new chances to try something fresh. I’ve written a handful of reviews and retrospectives and lists and such here at Toy-TMA about whatever (you know, you’ve read them I’m sure). But you know what we haven’t done yet? We haven’t thunk deep. So let’s do that. Let’s Think Deep.

Science In Motion

Today I want to talk about something that’s been nagging at my mind a bit. For reference here you need to be familiar with Schödinger’s Cat and the famous experiment that goes along with said feline. The experiment is all about the liminal state that the cat in the experiment takes when placed in a box. The cat has been fed a capsule of poison that has a 50% chance of breaking and killing the cat and a 50% chance of doing nothing. While in the box there is no way of knowing whether the cat is alive or otherwise (the experiment doesn’t compensate for zombification unfortunately). Officially, the cat is both alive and dead while also being neither. Technically, the cat ceases to exist in a state we can functionally understand. More than anything, we run into a moment of complete quantum physics scrambling our noggins. As long as we never look in that box, that cat’s fate is up in the air (though after a certain point you know for sure the cat isn’t alive anymore).

Yes, I do believe this describes the theory perfectly. Or does it...?

How does this pertain to video games you may ask? Well, how often do you find yourself in a situation within a game where you are asked to do something that you know will end poorly, such as pull a lever or walk through a door or hand the villain all the magical gems he needs to take over the world? Pretty frequently. But no matter what you say or do, you are forced to play this situation out to the end for better or worse. I absolutely hate when a game demands you fall into a trap to advance the story when I know I’m about to fall into a trap and don’t want to.

My favorite example of this comes from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Nope, still not done talking about this game yet. The first half of the game you spend running around as a young Link collecting three spiritual stones in hopes of opening the Temple of Time and grabbing the Trifroce before Ganondorf gets the chance. It should be no surprise but when you open the door and pull the Master Sword from its pedestal, Ganondorf walks in behind you and nabs the Triforce, mentioning that you did all the hard work for him and leaving you to look like a complete newb for your actions.

By the end of the game you discover that things would have been so much better had you never futzed with the spiritual stones and tried to stop the King of Darkness at all. Things probably would have ended just fine if you buried the three stones in remote parts of the map without any markings to show what they are and where someone else can find them. But you have to open that door and grab that sword, otherwise the game never progresses, even if you’ve played the game hundreds of times before and know exactly what’s about to happen.

Okay, time to boggle some minds and think deep here. You ready? Lets say you’ve collected the three stones and are standing in front of the Master Sword. You can either pull that sword and put into motion all the events to follow, or you can do nothing. On the other end of that sword is a liminal world between existing and not as long as you never pull that sword. You can conceivably stand with the game turned on, staring at the sword for all eternity and nothing will ever happen. Hyrule will never fall under Ganondorf’s rule and Link will never have to fight again.

But should you decide to pull the sword, everything happens as you’d expect. Sound confusing just a bit? Of course it does, but that’s because we’re thinking deep. I’ve got more examples to deal with.

Oh snaps, I'm totally about to go there.

So show of hands here on who has played Final Fantasy VII. Okay, counting…and wow, that’s a lot of people. I’m tempted to spoil the big plot point, but then again is it really possible to spoil the big plot point? It’s like telling you that Humpty Dumpty is an egg or that the “Rosebud” in Citizen Kane is a sled. You already know, right? Well, I won’t be explicit, but this is a perfect example of a character living up to Schrödinger’s fantasies since at some point that I won’t tell you, something that I won’t tell you happens (here’s a hint: “Hey why is this sword sticking out of me?”).

In the game you cannot prevent this from happening, even if you know it’s about to happen. You can, however, never continue with the game. You can turn it off and never turn it back on. In doing so, the game will never progress and “someone” will never “something.” In fact, a lot of people do this completely by accident by stopping right before a big event in a game and just plain forgetting to return to play. At that moment the character both does and does not exist at the same time. They will be forever frozen in this state until you continue out their destiny, whatever it may be.

I’m somewhat surprised more games don’t address this flaw more often in games. It is extremely rare that a game allows you the option of doing or not doing something if you feel the outcome is something you’d rather not happen. Most of these come down to morality choices, but those are terribly executed in games, mostly with one option being “Something Super Evil” and the other being “Something Super Nice.” I’d like to have a game where the designers realize that not everyone is dimwitted enough to fall into the same traps over and over and instead have figured out what exactly the villain is planning way before the villain blatantly explains it to everyone right before he annihilates you for being so dimwitted. Maybe an option for an alternate ending where the villain’s plans are averted by you hiding the magical crystals in some other, unreferenced locations? I’d find that kind of cool and definitely original. But then again, maybe I’m just thinking too deep.

So I’ve thunk deep, but have you? I don’t know, I haven’t heard anything you’ve said. Why not give a deep comment on the subject of the liminal world here in video games between the events happening and nothing happening at all. Does this bother you or are you totally fine with it continuing? Leave a comment and let’s get us all thinking deep.

So many items for one man to carry. Which is gonna be the best?

The spirit of the season is starting to get to me, but even more, I’m remembering that Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks on the DS has finally arrived. In celebration of both the new release and because I just plain enjoy making lists, I figured I’d go through my favorite aspect of the Zelda games: The Items. Mario is all about the power-ups, but Link has to rely on whatever he can find throughout his travels to get him from the beginning of a dungeon to the end. So here are my choices for The 10 Best Zelda Items.

10. Fire Rod:

Also good for rump roasting.

For me, the Fire Rod was a sweet weapon dating back to my playthrough of Link’s Awakening on the Game Boy. I struggled to find this item in the 8th and final dungeon, only to realize that it was vastly superior to all my other weapons since it could kill just about anything with one blast, plus it was a projectile-based weapon. What more could I ask for? Oh, right, the chance to use it the rest of the game, too. Yeah, sadly, the Fire Rod is one of those last second items that you love but never make much use of. I was very happy to see it used so well in Four Swords Adventures where it could set a whole field on fire for quick collection of Force Gems. Very nice.

9. Megaton Hammer:

Giant Hammers = Awesome.

Link has gotten to wield a few different hammers on his various journeys, but I always preferred the Megaton Hammer to anything else used to stomp rusted switches, tricky enemies, and fire-breathing dragons. Personally I went nuts when this little wonder popped up as one of Link’s weapons in Soul Calibur 2. Who would bring a hammer to a swordfight? Apparently Link, and apparently it doesn’t make a huge difference other than the utter beating your opponent will receive.

8. Spinner:

Let's see Tony Hawk do THIS.

Twilight Princess surprised me with a few items I wasn’t really expecting. When I obtained the Spinner I just figured it’d be used for going across sand or something. I had no clue that I’d soon be grinding my way across the walls of rooms and fighting a giant skeleton dragon (Link loves fighting dragons of all sorts, apparently). When I discovered I could hurl myself back and forth from track to track at rapid succession I got hooked on searching for any indentation that’d allow me to find hidden items. It was like Tony Hawk decided to give Link one last bit of inspiration before failing so heinously with Tony Hawk’s The Ride.

7. Ball and Chain:

Kids, most of life's problems can be made easier with medieval-style weaponry.

Another new addition from Twilight Princess, the Ball and Chain is exactly what it sounds like: A massive steel ball affixed to a long chain. This is pretty much like having infinite bombs as the Ball and Chain replaces their need and then some. Enemies fear the destructive power that Link commands when he swings this about, shattering any ice enemies without a second thought. I was a little surprised they added motion control for the Ball and Chain since it doesn’t typically seem like the type of thing you’d expect precision throwing to accompany, but oh well, the deadlier the better.

6. Fierce Deity Mask:

If you see this figure in real life, you're probably not going to live much longer.

Even worse than the Fire Rod for last second uselessness, the Fierce Deity Mask appears in Majora’s Mask only at the very end after you’ve collected every other mask in the game. So what’s the point of the Fierce Deity Mask? Well, it transforms Link into his adult counterpart, gives him a double-helix-style blade that hurls projectiles, and basically makes him into the walking epitome of death. So why isn’t the Fierce Deity Mask higher on this list? Well, like I said, you only get it at the very end after you’ve done everything else. To make matters worse, the mask only works in boss battles, so only in 5 rooms in the entire game. However, wearing it does make the final battle with Majora laughably simple.

5. Claw Shot:

"Get over here!"

I had a tough decision to make here. I’ve always loved the Hookshot, but the Claw Shot came in and stole the show. Why? Well, answer me this: What’s better than one Claw Shot? How about TWO Claw Shots? Twilight Princess decided that one Hookshot-like item just wouldn’t suffice, so they added another to the game, allowing Link to shoot around areas like an earthy Bruce Wayne with a penchant for fairies. All I know is, at the end of the day, I enjoyed clawing my way around gratings too much to look back at what I was missing with the Hookshot.

4. Din’s Fire:

"Firaga!"

What Link lacks in magic abilities, he makes up for in sheer number of weapons. But Ocarina of Time saw fit to reward Link with one item that contained more destructive power than most of his weapons combined. A Great Fairy showed up and granted Link the ability to use Din’s Fire, which when used causes Link to generate a fiery explosion that destroys just about everything. Sadly, you’ll use it in a total of two places, and then only to light multiple torches at once. But regardless, if you felt like using it all the time, Din’s Fire would eliminate the need for most of the adventure. “Oh hey, what’s that Ganon? You think it’s hot in here? Oh, well why don’t you TASTE MY DIN’S FIRE! KRAKOOM!”

3. Roc’s Feather:

Pretty sure this is Peter Pan's secret, too.

When I generated this list I sat down and thought to myself, “Okay, which items do I really love above all other items?” I didn’t expect myself to place an item that’s primary function is to add a jump button to Link’s Awakening, but here we are, and here’s Roc’s Feather at number 3. The item must be equipped to use, but it allows Link to leap over holes, enemies, and out of the way from most attacks if you know what you’re doing. Am I really placing the feather above the solar flare? Yes, yes I am. That’s how useful and awesome it was enabling Link to jump now and then.

2. Bunny Hood:

Don't laugh; you'd totally use it, too.

Another non-lethal item? You know it. The Bunny Hood first showed up in Ocarina of Time, but in Majora’s Mask it earned a permanent spot in my currently equipped items due to its ability to increase my speed. Suddenly Link didn’t feel so slow. I was able to zip around the map without wasting much time and blast through a dungeon at speeds that made the game playable. Plus, Link looked adorable in the stupid little hat, so how could I say no?

1. Biggoron’s Sword:

Deadlier than a fully-automated assault rifle. Those Like-Likes there? Those will kill you dead, unless you have Biggoron's Sword.

My number one item couldn’t be anything else but Biggoron’s Sword from Ocarina of Time. Most Zelda games have a trading sequence that results in some item or another, but Ocarina of Time rewarded you with a sword twice as powerful as the Sword of Evil’s Bane and made the rest of the game an utter breeze. Once you become an adult it’s time to get this weapon immediately, regardless of how difficult it may seem. As soon as you have it, all enemies bow down before you as you slash through all defenses and obliterate foes like the chumps they are. You can’t even hold a shield at the same time, you’re that hardcore. All must respect the great and wonderful Biggoron Sword!

So we’re at the end of yet another of my little lists. Did you disagree with my choices here? I’m sure someone thinks the Ocarina of Time deserved to be on the list here, or perhaps the Fire Arrows, or even Epona. Let me know with a comment detailing your favorite Zelda item and why.

Want more on Zelda? Check these articles out:

-Let’s Think Deep: The Great Zelda Schism

-Zelda: A Retrospective Part 1

-Zelda: A Retrospective Part 2

Well, I know what I'm doing when this comes out.

Of all the new games announced this year, a new Zelda game on the Wii wasn’t technically one of them. However, we know that Nintendo is working on it and keeping everything extremely quiet. Now, I’m an avid supporter of the Legend of Zelda franchise, so any time there is a chance to talk shop I must take it. I’ve heard some things here and there and I’ve been paying attention to the signs, so I figured, who better to make wild accusations than myself? Sit back, relax for a moment, and let me tell you my speculations about the new Zelda title.

So Much With So Little

In total, Nintendo has given up an amazing one piece of concept art for the game. No screenshots, no gameplay footage, nothing about the plot. Just one, single, almost casual image of Link standing back-to-back with a mysterious new character. Who is this new person and what is her connection to Link? I always found it interesting that people were able to make the connection from early pieces of concept art of Twilight Princess between Link and the wolf seen here and there. I heard that he would be turning into this wolf and I thought, “Nah, that’s too simple.” Then we found out he turned into the wolf.

So this time I’ve been listening a bit more carefully and keeping a slightly more open mind. People have being hypothesizing that the character featured with Link is actually the Master Sword or something with a connection to it. You may be thinking two things. The first is, “Huh?” The second is, “Who are these people you’re talking to?” Well, I don’t give my sources unless asked outside of my own make-believe conversations, but they may or may not be random posters on video game forums.

Their reasoning behind this claim comes from two parts of the concept art. First, Link has his typical Hyrulian shield but no sword. He doesn’t even have a sheath for a sword on his back. Why wouldn’t Link be carrying a sword? Secondly, the mysterious person shares many attributes similar to the Master Sword’s design. I still say this is a stretch, but I’m not going through another wolf-related incident, so it is very possible.

Definitely more of this.

I can safely point out here that Link is right-handed yet again. This means the game is definitely going to be on the Wii and use the same control-scheme from Twilight Princess due to the fact that Link was right-handed in the Wii version of TP and no other Zelda title (he’s always a lefty). The reasoning behind this decision to break with tradition came as a result of using the Wiimote to swing Link’s sword. TP’s developers thought it would feel wrong if you swung the Wiimote with your right hand and saw Link swing his left.

Shigeru Miyamoto (the creator of Zelda, Mario, and you know who he is) has stated that you shouldn’t expect anything too radically different with the new Zelda title on the Wii. I’d go and find the article I read this in, but that would require me to site my own sources and that goes against my journalistic integrity of being right from birth. Regardless, someone said at some point in time that if you want to see what the new game will be like, just look to Twilight Princess for the answer.

That is all we know for sure. No release dates, no leaks about the plot, nothing. That means it’s time for me to start leaking things myself, even if they aren’t true. To be clear, the claims I’m about to make are in no way definite or based off of anything other than my own active imagination. Also, you’ll get to see me dressed as Link talking to a tree.

Told you.

My Moment To Shine

Since the new game is following in the footsteps of Twilight Princess, there’s a good chance it is a direct sequel. Since the other character in the teaser poster is believed to be the Master Sword, there could either be a problem with the Master Sword at some point in the game, or this isn’t a sequel at all, instead being a prequel that finally gives the Master Sword an origin. We have an origin for the Triforce, Ganondorf, Hyrule, Link’s hat, and a number of other things, but nothing for the Master Sword yet. Just mentioning that seems strange to me that I never thought of it before.

Still, I’m pretty certain we’re staying in Hyrule. In going with my Master Sword Origin Theory (patent pending), Link will be present during the birth or creation of the Sword of Evil’s Bane, though this will still be a sequel to Twilight Princess. How? Time travel. They’ve already done time travel in Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask by means of the Ocarina of Time, and also in Oracle of Ages by means of a magical harp, possibly called the Harp of Time. Oh no wait, that’s the Harp of Ages (silly me). The game could involve the Master Sword getting broken and Link returning to its point of origin to repair it and defeat probably Ganondorf again.

If it were up to me, there would be a bunch of fundamental changes to some of the series’ mainstays. For example, Link always gets one new item per dungeon and that idea is always critical for advancing in both the dungeon and the rest of the game, though the most usage it gets is in that one dungeon. I say it’s time to add multiple items per dungeon. Follow me here, because I’m proud of these suggestions.

And if anyone is qualified to make these statements, it's the guy in the tights.

What I’d Do In a Zelda Game

So in the first dungeon you get the boomerang. Pretty basic, though it’s very sharp and can be deadly to enemies. Well, you would also get the Power Bracelet or a Power Gauntlet or something that increases your strength. This allows you to hurl the boomerang so hard that it can get stuck in walls. Perhaps you use this as an extra step to climb a ledge. Maybe you are trying to shoot a target with an arrow but you don’t have the proper angle until you throw your boomerang into a wall, hoist yourself up, and balance at the new angle while you fire an arrow. There are tons of possibilities here.  Later on you can throw your boomerang into the back of a rock enemy and run up to use the boomerang as a handle, throwing the enemy to the ground where it lies stunned.

Here’s another idea: bring back the Pegasus Boots. Have some sections where Link can’t clear a chasm, so he throws on the Pegasus Boots, builds up speed, and launches himself off a ramp to clear the space. Maybe there is a switch on the ceiling that needs to be pulled, but it has no handle. You fire your boomerang into the switch, run up a vertical ramp using your Pegasus Boots, and then once you’re hanging from the switch you change your Pegasus Boots with Iron Boots, activating the switch. I’d just like to see new implementations of old weapons.

A few new weapon ideas: Steel Gloves that Link puts on his hands and uses to attack stronger enemies. You’d use the same sort of controls first seen in Wii Sports Boxing. They also allow you to handle dangerous materials or heated valves or things like that. How about a classic slingshot like David used against Goliath? You can hurl stones and bombs at enemies in an arc so that it can hit things over something else. Dual Wielding Swords for Link is also something I’d like to see. And a variation on the Hookshot, where you don’t instantly retract, allowing you to use it as a means to swing around obstacles or use centrifugal force to launch yourself upwards if you begin swinging and then retract the Hookshot mid-swing. Maybe some magnetic gloves so that you can pull things to you with the Wiimote and push them away with the Nunchuk. Just some ideas I’ve been thinking about when I get a chance to work on a Zelda title someday.

What can be said for sure is that the new Zelda title will be a long time coming. A title this big won’t happen overnight, but we’ll definitely get aspects of the game drip-feeding us for the next year or two. I expect more to be known after E3 2010, so let’s see if I’m at least right in that regard or not.