Now to start this, we need a big fish to put on the hot seat, and I know just the one.

Disney: Bring Back Animation

Disney, I’m sure you’re having fun with all your Live Action Fairy Tale Remakes, Tron reboots, Pirates sequels, CGI Chihuahuas, and the fact that you get to call the biggest superhero film of the year one of your movies because you now own Marvel, apparently, but for the love of Fantasia stop killing the hearts of all the [now grown up] children that willingly gave you their hearts in the first place so that you could build your empire to what it is now! What hurt the most was how you tricked me into wholeheartedly believing you were finally back on track two years ago with The Princess and the Frog. I loved that film. And then you showed me a teaser for your next project, Repunzel, and it looked awesome. Then out of the blue, it turned into Tangled, a derivative wannabe-Dreamworks-film that wasn’t nearly as good as Dreamworks’ How To Train Your Dragon, releasing earlier that same year. Then you sort of did try to make a comeback last summer, but it was in the form of a Winnie the Pooh revival, which you obviously didn’t intend anyone to see in the first place, seeing as you released it the same freakin’ weekend as the last freakin’ Harry Potter movie, as if you were too freakin’ embarrassed you made it in the first place so you didn’t bother giving it a release date where it could make so much as a splash of publicity.

To get to the point, Disney, return to form, and make us another hand-drawn animated hit already! I don’t care if The Princess and the Frog didn’t make as much money as you wanted it too. The people who saw it and liked it really really liked it, and if you kept up that throwback style in your recent films (i.e. kept Tangled’s original art concept, followed by another animated movie last year that WASN’T an old school revival and DEFINITELY NOT releasing side by side Harry Potter 8) more people would eventually have caught wind of the trend and these movies would be making so much more in the long run. Am I making any sense at all?

Oh, and while you’re at it, don’t force the only Computer Animation studio under your belt who knows what the Hades they’re doing to make sequels of their weakest movies just because they happen to be the most marketable.

Funimation: Bring One Piece Unto the People

You know what I’m sick of? That One Piece, the worldwide greatest and bestselling Anime of the current generation, isn’t even playing on any network, standard or cable, in American Television. Meanwhile you have shows like Naruto and Bleach, which do the exact same thing this show does but not as well (while replacing Pirates with Ninjas or Samurai Grim Reapers respectively), and they have 200+ episodes each fully available for instant stream on Netflix. WTF Funimation? You even have an entire cable network where all you show is Anime you licensed, yet you can’t find anywhere in your busy schedule of rerunning Samurai 7, Claymore, and Shikabane Hime over and over again to give One Piece one decent slot of the week? The only way Americans can watch One Piece legally now is by either scavenging for the very rare very expensive DVD collections, or through your website, which would be fine if you had every single current episode available, but you don’t because you only have a chunk of the beginning of the series, a chunk of the end of the series, with a ton of mid way sections simply not available, not to mention your online video player is of the lowest quality. I want to support this series properly, but I’m stuck having to pirate my anime about pirates from pirate torrents, whom, by the way, also happen to be infinitely better translators than you. [Pranger's Note: Oh snaps! You just been told Funimation!]

Oh, what’s that? You guys finally got the license to dub Season 4? Awesome, now you’ll only be five seasons and 300 episodes behind the Japanese run of the show, congratulations. Of course, none of it will matter unless you make One Piece available stateside to begin with. Here are two simple things you can do: First, spare a single half-hour slot of the week on your TV network for the show, and not some throwaway one either but a good one, like Friday evenings. Second, put at least the first two seasons on Netflix for instant streaming. I want to recommend this show to people and give it more viewers, but I can’t because there is no accessible way to watch this show. Change that Funimation. I’m counting on you.

One more thing. While you guys are busy dubbing Season 4 as we speak (ideally), please please get new refreshing voice talent to play each of the CP9 agents. Seriously, these are some of the strongest and most iconic villains the Strawhat Pirates will ever face, and they deserve justice. I’m sick of hearing the same 20 voice actors you use for side characters being recycled over and over and over again.

Parker and Stone: More Musicals Please

Any of you seen The Book of Mormon yet? Of course you haven’t. It’s been sold out on Broadway every showing since its incarnation, though you may have heard the music and Holy Crap it may very well be the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. I already have a handful of Theatre friends agreeing to all go see the show together when it goes on tour.

The two people responsible for this divine piece of theatrical genius are none other than South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone. How’s that for a twist? My hope is that with the success of The Book of Mormon, that they continue in this business a bit longer and make more awesome musicals.

A friend of mine recommended The Book of Scientology as a sequel, and if I wasn’t so fearful of their lives by doing so, I’d second that in a heartbeat. In reality, these guys have probably the biggest imaginations in the world, and if they can come up with another clever idea that wont earn them another hundred thousand death threats, I say go for it.

Sony Pictures: Show Me The Lizard

So far, all the buzz on this summer’s upcoming Spider-Man reboot, The Amazing Spider-Man, has me, more or less, underwhelmed. I know Andrew Garfield is a good actor and was awesome in The Social Network, but I just can’t stand seeing Peter Parker with Edward Cullen’s hair style. It also doesn’t help that every shot we’ve seen him in so far he has the same dark emo look on his face like he constantly has a picture of dead puppies ingrained in his head. It’s not the silly campy kind of angst that we got from Toby Maguire’s performance either; it’s just dull and depressing.

Though after nitpicking it for several months now, I’m willing to withhold any more judgment until I see the final product. After all, this film will finally give us the movie debut of The Lizard, one of Spider-Man’s oldest and most iconic antagonists. I am very curious to see how they pull him off. My hope is that he looks like the lizard from the classic 90’s cartoon that wore the torn up white lab coat, had a seven foot long tail that that could smash stone walls, and where he could speak, but very little, and only to people close enough to him where his humanity is able to temporarily take control.

And unlike the photo above, I want to see a full-blown reptilian head. It’s not suppose to look remotely human.

Beenox: Make The Amazing Spider-Man game Amazing

Spider-Man movies are just about the only instance when I will get excited about movie-tie-in games these days. This is thanks mostly in part to Spider-Man 2 The Movie The Game becoming just about the best Comic Book Superhero Sandbox Game to date. (Before any of you start screaming how much better Batman Arkham City is, yes, I’ll admit it has better combat, story, voice acting, visuals, mission variety, combat again, and just about every other element, but when it comes to free roaming, Spidey’s web swinging still takes the cake.)

Spider-Man games these days are under the supervision of a somewhat newer development team called Beenox, and I just so happen to have played both their two latest Spider-Man games. While I did miss the open world aspect of the previous games, 2010’s Shattered Dimension was a ton of fun. Great level design, simple but intriguing story, awesome voice work, and I was into the combat. 2011’s Edge of Time however, not so much. Rule Number #1 of making Spider-Man games: DO NOT set an entire Spider-Man game in a single building where every room looks exactly the same and is connected with narrow hallways. That was a horrible idea.

The Amazing Spider-Man game, however, looks like a different story. Given the teaser trailer we received during the Award show a few weeks ago, it looks like a return to form, by which I mean open world Manhattan. Beenox already has a pretty decent combat system. All they really need to focus on is creating enough to do in the sandbox and giving us a good variety of villain characters we may not have seen yet. While not a ton of detail about the game has been released, one enemy they have shown are these massive mechanical spider bots, which immediately make me think of the Spider Slayers from the 90’s cartoon, so you’ve got my interest there. Make this one a winner Beenox. Please.

Microsoft/Rare: Make Banjo-Kazooie 3

Okay, by now you all know me. I’m the Sony guy, not a Microsoft guy. I do not own a 360. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want the company to do well. I wish I could say that there are things on the 360 I desperately wish I could play, but honestly, I can’t. I have no desire to try the Kinect, and I am more than content not playing the most recent Halo and Gears of War titles. Besides that, everything else the 360 has of value can also be found on the PS3.

And yet, Microsoft has probably my second favorite game developer under their belt, Rare Software. When they announced a brand new Banjo-Kazooie game back in 2008, that was probably as envious as I have ever gotten of people who own the console. Of course, said game turned out to be Nuts&Bolts, and that envy quickly faded away as I started playing through Little Big Planet. As of now, Microsoft has Rare working on Kinect Sports titles, which honestly I think is a waste of their talent. This is the company that almost single-handedly created the golden age of 3D Platforming two generations ago. Compare that to what they’re doing now and it’s embarrassing.

Yeah, that’s right, I WANT to be jealous of my friends who own 360’s. Rare, you have the power to do that. Go back to the drawing board, write off Nuts&Bolts as a non-cannon spinoff, and make Banjo-Kazooie 3 properly. If not that, than how about a sequel to Conker’s Bad Fur Day? Or even Kameo Elements of Power, you know that 360 launch game that no one remembers except me? I bet if you made a sequel and advertised it well enough, that would help the original sell better.

Nintendo/Retro: Make a Sequel to DK Country Returns

Speaking of Rare, the franchise that introduced me to the company was Donkey Kong Country, a trilogy of some of the best looking 2D platformers on the Super Nintendo. Unfortunately when Rare got bought by Microsoft ten years ago, the Nintendo owned franchise had been long abandoned. Then in 2010, it was picked up by Nintendo’s American company, Retro Studios, who gave us Donkey Kong Country Returns.

While I have my gripes about the plot (namely how the series’ central antagonists, the Kremlings, were completely absent), the game itself was a much welcomed treat. While it was an overall critical success, it wasn’t exactly the big holiday seller Nintendo was hoping for (debuting in 3rd place in Japan and 6th place in America). Despite that, I do hope Retro decides to stay with the franchise a bit longer. If they made a sequel with a much more in-depth plot that brought back the Kremlings and other side characters like Funky Kong, Candy Kong, and other classic animal characters besides just Rambi the Rhino, I’m sure it would do a ton better.

Currently, Retro Studios is working on a secret title for the Wii U that is, quote, “A project everyone wants us to do.” My best guess would be a statement like that most likely means it’s an HD Metroid Game, as it was the Prime Trilogy that made the company famous in the first place, and fans seem to generally like their work on the franchise. My hope, however, is that they really are sticking with DK for a while. Though I could be wrong on both counts.

Nickelodeon: Give Legend of Korra a freaking Release Date

We’re coming up to two years since the first announcement of The Last Airbender: The Legend of Korra. The more I think about it, perhaps Mike and Bryan may have shown this ahead of schedule simply to wipe the bad taste the movie left in our mouths. (Yes, I am done trying to massage the idea that the movie wasn’t as bad as it really turned out to be, okay? Okay. Moving on.) While I definitely appreciate Nick releasing post finale comics while we wait (The Promise Part 1 comes out in February and Part 2 in June), and there was certainly a ton of information given on the series’ characters and plot threads in the last Comic Con, but they failed to give us that one thing we want more than any of that, which is a confirmation date.

Not long ago, there were some troubles with the opening segment of the show being leaked online, which the creators humbly requested to have taken off the fan sites. Normally I’d be on any leaked footage like a pack of rabid rabbitwolves (God knows I was during Book 3), but these days, I have learned to conserve my anticipation and wait for a proper reveal.

More than anything, I would choose being given a solid release date over any new footage during this years Comic Con. You know, because I got premiere parties to plan.

World: Don’t Die

Okay, so this technically doesn’t have anything to do with the entertainment industry, except for the fact that the media has had more than its fair share of fun poking at the 2012-Doomsday-Apocalypse-as-Predicted-by-the-Mayan-Prophecy marketing campaign. For those of you still thick enough to buy into this propaganda, please permit me to quote the following:

“The world is not coming to an end in 2012. The Mayan calendar does not have **** to say about 2012. It does not say the world is going to end. The Mesoamerican Long Count Calendar just sort of stops there. Other calendars from the same period and the same people have nothing of **** to say on the matter. It’s just bad new age numerology combined with a misreading of an old stone tablet.”

Dr. Punchy Wright____Idiotologist

And with that, I give the easiest resolution in my entire list: Planet Earth, do not die. When December 21st comes along this year, under no circumstances are you allowed to just start spontaneously combusting. In addition, for that one day, you are  not allowed to have any encounters with asteroids, alien invasions, or nuclear wars. Don’t act like you have no effect on human behavior. You shape us more than you know.

But you know what, as important as it is for the planet to survive, it will mean absolutely nothing if a certain someone does not. And so for that, I have something even more important, and even easier, than the earth not dying, and that is…

Eiichiro Oda: Same thing

One Piece, the most popular manga in the world, has officially entered its 15th year of serialization, with a current count of 651 chapters. Oda sensei was a year younger than I am right now when he published Chapter one in 1997. That puts him roughly in his late 30’s now, which honestly isn’t that old at all. He could probably keep this up for another 15 years if he wants to, and whatever his further plans are, I wouldn’t stop him and make him go a quicker route even if I could.

The point is we are in an age where there are people passing away in Japan, and their tomb stones have written on them, “I wish I could have seen the ending of One Piece.” That alone is sad in more reasons than I care to count, but if Oda were the one to pass away, before any of us get to see Zoro surpass his rival and master Hawkeye, before Nami completes her map of the world, before Robin discovers the mystery behind the 100 year void in history, before Brook is reunited with Laboon, before Monkey D. Luffy defeats Blackbeard, finds One Piece, returns the straw hat back to Shanks, and finally becomes the King of the Pirates, THAT would indeed be the biggest tragedy to ever befall modern mythology.

I could continue to go on about the plot threads and loose ends I wish for Oda to cover over the next year, but at this point, I trust his judgment 100%. As long as he’s alive, both physically and motivationally, and keeps doing his job, (i.e. continues making One Piece, thus making me and millions of other fans across the globe happy in the process), then I’m happy. By the end of 2011, Oda managed to all but close up the Fishman Island Arc. With Luffy challenging Big Mam, one of the four Pirate Emperors, for the control of the undersea kingdom, it appears the journey across the New World has barely begun. The tide’s only gonna get rougher from here, so stay tuned.

And with that, I give you the 2012 New Years Resolutions that are too much awesome for their own good. Some may be a tall order, while others are practically no brainers, but I have high expectations for all of them, so off you all go. Your clock to reach these goals started… yesterday. Good luck.

The round-up

It’s the end of the year and that means it’s time for the requisite “Best Of” lists all over the place, and I’m not above pandering to readers nor search engines, so I’m going to run down some of biggest games for the Xbox 360 for 2011. However, rather than talk about how great these games are I’m to talk about why I didn’t play any of them.

You don’t need more than two hands to count all the big retail games on my shelf, and even then they’re all more than a year old. The one big reason I don’t typically go for new games is pretty simple…they’re expensive. At $60 a pop I find it hard to justify buying more than one or two new game purchases a year. My solution is to then buy the games once they go on sale, down to around $30, so when everyone else is playing the latest and greatest, I’m digging into last year’s popular title. Most games don’t get any worse the older they get, so I don’t see any reason to rush to play them.

I’ll admit that it can be hard to not give in to all the video game hype that comes and goes every year, but for the most part many of the those big name games just don’t interest me. Nonetheless, lets look at some of these games and find out why they didn’t warrant a purchase.

Doesn't this guy get tired?

Gears of War 3

Gears of War 3 is easily the biggest and most popular Xbox exclusive that came out this year, at least if I look at what my friends are playing. Every time I log on, somebody is playing Gears. To best honest, I haven’t even played Gears 1 or 2. It seems like a game that I could get behind…lots of guns, explosions and sci-fi action…but every time I see screen shots or gameplay of Gears, I just get the sense that it’s a game I’ve played before. Just more of the same. In many ways that’s unfair because very few of the games we play are new, but hey, that’s just what I see.

Easily the best looking driving game.

Forza 4

I’m a car guy and I love driving games. I have more driving games than I know what to do with, so what if they’re a couple years old? Driving is driving. I learned my lesson about driving games when Gran Turismo first came out. I was all about GT because if you wanted a driving game, that was the game to have. I was supposed to be playing Gran Turismo, so I did. But it didn’t take me long to realize that I absolutely hate simulation driving. When it comes to car games, I just want to get in and go. I’m not interested in tweaking brakes or adjust spoilers. I don’t want to worry about suspension or exhaust manifolds. Just driving in a straight line and making it around the track in time is challenge enough. Forza 4 is a great looking game (I did play the demo) and it certainly does all the cars in the game justice, but between Blur, Split Second and Dirt, I have enough racing to last me for years.

Halo Anniversary

No game is more associated with the Xbox and Microsoft than Halo. I will acknowledge Halo‘s importance to first-person shooters on the console but at the same time, by the time Halo came around I had been shooting people for years on the PC…it was nothing new. And when it comes to shooting, I need a game that has a little more “reality” in it. Shooting laser guns and wielding purple crystal swords doesn’t really appeal to me. When I have the urge to shoot people, I’m more of a Call of Duty guy…and speaking of which, I haven’t played MW3 nor Battlefield 3 outside of demos. I feel they are better FPS games overall compared to Halo, but I got really burned out on MW2 and Black Ops, so I’m taking a shooter hiatus.

Dance Central 2

This one is going to be short and sweet. I don’t dance. Dance Central 2 could very well be the best dancing game every released. From the looks of things it is most certainly the next step up after the DDR games from several years back. Of course, I’m also on the side of the fence that isn’t impressed by the Kinect nor do I believe that it is the future of gaming or interaction, and thus I’ll never buy the Kinect.

What's next? Arkham Universe?

Batman: Arkham City

I know Arkham City isn’t an exclusive Xbox title, nor are any of the titles from this point on, but it was a big release this year and just one more title I’ll be skipping. Don’t get me wrong, I like Batman…I mean, it’s Batman…but I was so unimpressed by Arkham Asylum last year that I have no desire to dig into the sequel. I was excited for Arkham Asylum but I didn’t even finish it because it got boring. It was a bit too repetitive and long for me and Arkham City doesn’t look any different.  There was too much “go here to find that”, then “go there to save that person” followed by “go back to where you just were”. It doesn’t matter if it’s Batman, Superman, Star Wars or Care Bears…that cycle just gets old quick. This same curse also extends to the new Assassin’s Creed Revelations, which is pretty much just Batman in the 16th century.

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

If you’re a RPG fan then from what I can tell, Skyrim is the ultimate game. The game looks great and it’s filled with all the creatures you would expect to find. The game seems endless…too bad I’m not an RPG gamer. Considering I thought Batman was too long and monotonous, you can imagine that Skyrim looks 1000 times longer to me. I get the excitement in exploring an open world while fighting dragons with my giant axe, but I just don’t have the time to invest in games that require a lot of brain power. Whenever I’ve gotten into these games in the past, I do so for a couple weekends and then I stop playing. The trouble is then when I come back to the game, I’ve forgotten everything and I feel like I have to start over…tis a vicious cycle. However, if I was to need a single RPG game to play and love, it looks like Skyrim would be it. And to all of those that can endure hours upon hours of open world gaming, I commend you (and maybe envy you).

Does this make me a bad gamer?

After complaining about a bunch of video games I haven’t even played, you’re probably questioning my gaming credibility, and I wouldn’t blame you. I’m sure you have all the games I talked about on your shelf right now and you’ve maybe even completed them and taken them back to GameStop already. I just enjoy the smaller arcade games a lot more. Not only do I think they’re more challenging but they fit nicely within my gaming ADD. I’m just not a big game player, and while that might not make me your typical gamer, I can tell you it keeps a little more money in my pocket.

Sony

Due to recent misfortunate events, CEO Jack Trenton was obliged to do some damage control at the beginning of their conference. After assuring us of the PSN’s resurrection and despite the fiscal damage the company has suffered that the PS3 is still keeping strong, we were given quick reminders of just how awesome things are to come. Uncharted 3, check. Resistance 3, check. Twisted Metal, check. Ico Collecition, check and mate. [Not to mention Infamous 2 literally releasing the same week as the con. More on that game another time.] AWe’ve known about all of these for some time, but probably their biggest surprise for me, game wise, was this:

Don't be so sly, Cooper. I'd recognize your shadow anywhere.

For those of us who played through the Sly Collection, we were treated with a little teaser, but this is the first time it’s been official: Sly 4 Thieves in Time is on the way, and while Sucker Punch no longer has the reigns (given to Sanzaru Games) it looks to be shaping up pretty well. There were, however, a few other surprises. For the online crowd, Warhawk is getting a successor called Starhawk, which has found a unique way to blend Action with RTS elements and make it visceral and fun. Another collection called God of War Origins is an HD/3D remastered version of the two PSP games, Chains of Olympus and Ghost of Sparta, which I guess is nice for guys like me who never bought the PSP.

Into the second third, it felt like Déjà vu as Sony continued to demonstrate the new uses of the PSMove (which I still haven’t bought). To be fair, the games they showcased this year were slightly more effective than last year (though I’m kind of confused what happened to Sorcery, the one use of Move they showed last year that intrigued me.) Medievil Moves, despite the disappointment that it wasn’t a revival of the classic Medievil franchise from the PS1, did demonstrate some impressive use of weapons. NBA 2K12 for the Move was Kobe Bryant approved. Even Bioshock Infinate (which is just awe inspiring in its own right) is getting the optional Move treatment, which is impressive when you consider creator Ken Levine openly opposed the idea of the peripheral when he first learned of it but has now openly admitted to embracing it. But enough of the Move. Let’s get to the main event.

It wins in the name category. PSV. Clean.

The whole final third of Sony’s conference was focused purely on the new peripheral, the Playstation Vita. So far, we got close to all the information on the system I was expecting when they first announced it. It has a decent name that’s easy to pronounce and we also got a price: $250 for the WiFi only version and $300 for the 3G powered by At&t. I was expecting the worse, but the lower price puts it at the same cost as the 3DS. So far the the games they displayed look great, the big one being Uncharted Golden Abyss, which, all kidding aside, looks just as good as its console counterparts. Capcom introduced a brand new crossover fighter, Street Fighter vs. Tekken, in which Infamous’ Cole McGrath makes a guest appearance. Easily the most “shocking” (sorry, I couldn’t resist) development of the game. Another impressive feature comes from a new Action RPG called Ruin, which showed off the ability to transfer games from PSVita to your PS3 and play the games on your big screen in full HD.

Call me cautiously optimistic on this one. If Sony can launch with a decent library, they just may be able to hold their own in the handheld market for once. (It will also help if they get rid of that annoying as hell kid).

Microsoft

Much like Sony (minus the PSN Outage damage control), Microsoft opened right up with showing their biggest hardcore titles first. Now as much as I want to avoid flashing my obvious Sony>Microsoft bias, I can’t help but point out Microsoft chose two 3^rd party games to open their conference (CoD Modern Warfare 3 and the new Tomb Raider reboot) while Sony opened with exclusives (Uncharted and Resistance). The games indeed looked great, but I’m just saying, those will be on the PS3 as well. Perhaps a further look into Gears of War 3 with Cliffy B. and guest appearance Ice T declaring he’s bringing Body Count back together to do a song exclusively for the game should more than make up for that.

And yet again, we revert the focus to motion controls.

Congrats. You have officially replaced Guitar Hero as the "Greatest Party game Eva."

Since the Kinect launch, Dance Central has become its biggest hit, so naturally a sequel is already underway. The Disneyland exploration game and Tim Shaffer’s Once Upon A Monster looked… cute. I’m absolutely certain they will sell great to the casual and family audience. What impressed me was Fable the Journey and its use of improvised spell casting. Mass Effect 3’s use of voice command to lead your squadron I’ll also give kudos too. I wish I could say I was more excited for the Star Wars Kinect but the force is not with me on that one (I honestly think the Move would have been much more fit for a Star Wars game [Pranger's Note: Agreed]).

And that was pretty much it. I guess you could count the Halo Combat Evolved Anniversary, but that’s a remake of a game we’ve played a dozen times. In the wake of their competitor’s new hardware, the 360 needs something that will pop and keep their audience’s attention.

Me and my big mouth.

Just when I thought Microsoft was out of ideas… they prove me right. The way I see it there are four kinds of gamers: 1.) Gamers who’ll love Halo forever. 2.) Gamers who can’t stand Halo anymore. 3.) Gamers who love Bungie and think this game will suck because it’s not made by them. 4.) Gamers who hate Bungie and think this game might be an improvement because it’s not made by them.  [Pranger's Note: 5.) Gamers who couldn't care less.] If this were five-to-seven years from now, than I can see this teaser being epic beyond belief. Yet regardless of where you fall in the above list, announcing a whole new Halo trilogy not a year after Bungie completed their run of the series with Reach just feels like the most safe, cheap, and uninspired thing they could do.

Nintendo

For the third time in a row, we start with some Déjà vu: Nintendo opens with Zelda. But wait, this isn’t about Skyward Sword, a game that was suppose to release last January, oh no. Nintendo announces in the wake of the series 25^th Anniversary that the Zelda orchestra will be performing in concerts across the world. While this is definitely a treat (because as we have discussed on this site before, Zelda music is AWESOME!) I just wish we had a confirmed release date for the game. We’ll just have to settle for “sometime this holiday” for now.

Then it was on to some 3DS news. After the portable’s lackluster launch library, Reggie introduces a whole batch of games that are certain to come by the end of the year, including Star Fox, Mario Kart, the new Super Mario (Tanooki! Yay!), Kid Icarus Uprising (Multiplayer! Yay!), as well as the surprise return of an infamous GameCube launch title that took a whole decade to get a sequel.

“]

I'm curious. How many people asked for this series' return? [Pranger's note: I did!

Besides those, as well as confirming that Skyward Sword will in fact be on the Wii, that’s really the only games Nintendo showed this year. By now, we’ve all heard the rumors of Nintendo’s new upcoming console, and even before this convention started we all knew it would be the biggest news of the whole Expo. With that, Nintendo pulled the curtain on the console that made us all question if it was even a console: The Nintendo Wii U.

Cue the hoards of Kung Pow references.

I almost don’t even know where to begin. Yes, it is an actual console, even though Nintendo focused strictly on the controller, which in-and-of-itself is an impressive piece of hardware. Yes, the console is backwards compatible with the Wii and can allow the Wiimote controller to interact with the screen on the new controller. Yes, it is an HD system running on 1080p. Yes, third party developers are already jumping on, bringing hardcore games like Batman Arkham City, Darksiders 2, and Ninja Gaiden 3 to the system. All this is great news.

BUT, there is still far too much left in the dark. Besides the third party support, there were no actual games confirmed for the system yet, with trailers showing only tech demos. (They did slyly throw out the name “Smash Bros,” but they have to show me first. THEN they can have all my money they want.) With controllers this huge and complex, how expensive will they be? For all we know, this system could still be over a year away from launch, but they hardly showed us any new Wii games to keep us busy until then.

Once again, Nintendo has demonstrated yet another piece of tech that could very well change the gaming industry, yet since we’ve had that exact reaction when the Wii was first unveiled and have since seen how that turned out, forgive us for being a little more cautious this time around.

And That’s Not All…

Link, Kratos, and Master Chief can duke it out all they want. Meanwhile, there are so many amazing third party games that it’s hard not to please anyone this year, thanks to stuff like this absolutely gorgeous side-scroller from Ubisoft:

How have I never played this series? I will definitely change that.

• Elder Scrolls V, Skyrim: An absolute show stealer. Those dragons look outstanding.
• Assasins Creed Revelations: Honestly do not know how those games get better every year.
• Star Wars The Old Republic: Still no launch date. Sad day.
• Batman Arkham City: Get to play as Catwoman? Sweetness!
• Bioshock Infinite: Sometimes, the best sequels are ones that forget they’re a sequel and do their own thing entirely… like going from the Seaworld to Skyworld.
• El Shaddai, Ascension of the Metatron: The demo is available online. I command everyone to download it from Xbox Live or PSN IMMEDIATELY!

With the exception of the last one, none of these were real surprises, though they’re all shaping out to be great. But lets go to something that was actually a new development. Insomniac Games, who worked exclusively for Sony for the past 16 years with the distinction of never, ever, EVER making a bad game, announced last year that they would be working on a whole new property with EA Partners to go multiplatform. Even though they already had both Resistance 3 and Ratchet and Clank All 4 One set to release this fall, they somehow made room to announce a third game: A four player co-op super-spy adventure with a great sense of style, personally, humor, unique weapons, and stellar writing the company is known for.

Thanks Insomniac.

And with that, I am officially exhausted. So tell me, what are you all excited for?

Want to talk about games? We got you covered:

-Five remakes we should have seen at E3

-Ten Games That Changed Everything

-Top 10 Things About E3 I’m Sick Of

What compels a perfectly intelligent person to act so foolishly?

As full disclosure should dictate, I might as well place my Nintendo badge visibly on my shoulder and reflect as to what has made me a Nintendo devotee for so very long. The short story is that I grew up with Nintendo as a system and a brand and everything with their name on it is something I understand and trust. The longer story involves a matching of my ideology with Nintendo’s. Want a clearer explanation? Alright, next paragraph for that.

I hate DLC for games. I hate even more that most games require an investment be made with the assumption that you will play both the single-player and the multiplayer modes, an aspect that costs developmental time to create both aspects of the game, as well as real money to support a good internet connection, a multiplayer subscription (I’m talking Xbox Live here), and generally $10 more as the price of a $60 game is a result of that extra multiplayer mode getting added. Nintendo games don’t have any of those aspects. Smash Bros, Mario, Metroid, Zelda, Donkey Kong, etc were games that shipped as completed projects and delivered more than their worth of $50 to me. I favor fun over realism. I favor fun over graphics. And most importantly, I favor platforming and adventure over First Person Shooters. I am a gamer built for a Wii as I don’t have a huge gaming budget, meaning I can generally afford maybe two or three new games a year, which just so happens to be what people estimate the total of good games released per year on the Wii actually is. All things considered, I enjoy my Wii more than my Xbox 360.

When you provide me with a character who's been kinder to me than Mario, then I'll change my stance.

This isn’t to say that I hate my 360 or that the Wii doesn’t bother me rather frequently. But I’m going to be called a Nintendo fanboy and it’s going to be fairly accurate. I’m excited for the 3DS. I couldn’t give a crap about the PSP2. I think the Kinect and The Move were stupid ideas whereas the Wii was a fantastic step forward. My vision is clouded by the Big N far more than most people. But I’m aware of this fact, an aspect I don’t share with most diehards.

But why do diehards or fanboys even exist in the first place? That’s why we’re really here, isn’t it? As mentioned before with my example, the first reason falls on the perceived nostalgia or a sense of trust built by one particular brand. The other reason is more monetary in nature. Let’s talk about the first reason in greater detail before getting into money.

Nostalgia is a powerful thing, no matter what you’re talking about. A lot of this is because for something to be nostalgic, it has to have some deep connection to you, specifically. To a lot of Sony fans, Sony isn’t just some company that makes a video game console. They’re the company that got you through tough times. They’re a company that provided you with a game that made you cry, that made you laugh, that made you furious but ultimately content and proud of your skills. If you owned a Playstation when you were first getting into video games, the current generation of Playstation is nothing more than an extension of your youth, and for someone to come along and not only disagree with your system but favor a competitor’s product, well that can only be an attack on you and your youth.

And there are a lot of commenters who feel I've attacked their childhood in some way, believe you me.

It is hard to disconnect our lives with others. The universe revolves around us because we can’t conceive of anything otherwise. To this day, I still have a hard time believing anyone could ever prefer the recent incarnations of the Ninja Turtles over the cartoon I grew up with. But not everyone grew up with my life. This is what gets lost with so many gamers these days. Not everyone grew up with a Nintendo, or a Genesis, or a Playstation, and not every kid only had just the one system until he could afford the next iteration. My memories are mine and mine along, something I realize, but those hardcore fanboys I’m talking about? No, to them, by saying that you prefer a system other than the one they prefer is like saying their childhood, their memories, their feelings, are incorrect.

“Your childhood was wrong.”

When said out loud, it really does sound silly. But we as a community don’t typically take that necessary time to think out loud very often, unless of course what we’re thinking is angry and selfish. Were we to recognize that other opinions don’t negate our own, there would be no issue with fanboy rage whenever an attack is perceived.

Nowhere is this more prevalent that on popular gaming websites when a review is published. Take GameTrailers for example. Every time they do a review and give a good game anything less than a perfect 10 (something they’ve never done) swarms of fanboys come out of the wings to cry “conspiracy most foul!” If they give a PS3 game a 9.3, clearly, they must be paid by Microsoft to give a poor review. If a Wii game scores higher than an Xbox 360 title, obviously Nintendo has been bribing the reviewers.

Okay, disregard obvious exceptions.

This logic is so flawed that it hurts. What does a game reviewer stand to gain from a review that makes no sense? If they were to love a game that had clear problems, problems they just don’t address that everyone else has, then how do they expect to get away with it? It’s that fantasy notion that a difference of opinion than your own makes your opinion wrong. Just because someone else gave Red Dead Redemption a Game of the Year award doesn’t mean that your favorite game of the year, Super Mario Galaxy 2, isn’t still your favorite game of the year.

No one wants to feel alone. That’s the core of this strange fear. If enough people strike against your brand, perhaps you will be left alone, an outsider, a pariah, fit only to be friends with the rats and no one else. Once again, when said aloud it sounds silly, but too few fanboys take the time to say it aloud. “I’m never going to be alone with my favorites.”

But then comes the bigger problem: money. Gaming isn’t cheap, now more than ever. If you purchased a PS3 on Day One, you were looking at a $600 investment, plus $60 for a game and another $50 for a second controller. A Day One Xbox 360 would cost you around $500, plus a $60 game and another $50 controller, plus a year of Xbox Live, which was only $50 back then, and naturally, your Xbox would have borked, so you would have had to pay another $400 or $500 for another system. This all equals a hefty investment of real, tangible money. If you spend $1000 in a year on something and someone comes along to say that you made the wrong choice, man, I’d be pretty pissed, too.

But hey, at least it's still backwards compatable, right? Oh...

We’ve hit a point where we just can’t afford to be lax about which system we support. I don’t have the money to be a devoted PS3 fan, and were it not for an awesome wedding gift, I wouldn’t have an Xbox 360 sitting under my TV right now. Take a look at the Sony fanboy rage over Final Fantasy XIII. Squeenix told fans that, as usual, the next Final Fantasy game would not only be the Second Coming, but it would be exclusive to Sony’s new console. Fast-forward and your $600 Day One purchase is constantly justified by that promise…until Squeenix announces that they’re releasing FFXIII on the 360 as well. There is a real sense of betrayal there. For some, you would gladly have saved $100 or more had you known there were other options out there. But no, you were forced to align yourself with one specific choice, so the only way to justify your purchase is to attack any who would suggest you are a fool. “The PS3 version is still clearly superior to the 360 version! It is YOU ALL who are fools!”

Unfortunately, the only two ways to consistently avoid fanboyism are to either have the money to afford whatever you like, or be capable of stepping aside and seeing the situation for the silly bantering it really is, both options that aren’t reasonable for most gamers at this exact moment. And as such, we’re stuck with the world as it currently exists, a place where fanboys and fangirls roam online forums and lash out at anyone with differing opinions.

At least we can all agree that a sequel to Final Fantasy XIII is a bad idea, am I right?

But these are just my personal findings. What do the majority of you feel on the subject? Is fanboyism a real problem? Or is it actually a wonderful thing? Leave a comment and let me know. As for me, I have a Wii that’s calling my name, and screw your console for not having a Nintendo logo on it!

Want to keep Thinking Deep? Check out these articles:

-Let’s Think Deep: The Kinect and What It Means

-Let’s Think Deep: The Great Zelda Schism

-Let’s Think Deep: The Used Games Dilemma

For those of you who have yet to see it, here is everyone on the list.

Now for the most part, I whole-heartedly agree that a good portion of the characters on this list do disserve to be there. A few of them I don’t really know well enough to give my say. And then there is a small portion of characters that I think are on the list less because they are compelling or original characters, or have interesting personalities, but more because their games are so freaking popular that they are popular as a result, i.e. they aren’t the reason their game was popular.

To be fair, I understand this list was just as much about how “iconic” the characters are as it is about how developed they are. For that reason, there were tons of video game characters this decade that, while being fun, creative, and memorable in their own right, weren’t necessarily iconic. These are what I call underdogs, and I would like to recognize some of them now.

10. Waluigi (Mario Tennis, 2000)

Good Lord. Where do we begin?

Sometimes, a character is defined by the amount of unconditional hate he receives, simply on the crime of existing. For the perfect example of this, look no further than the abomination child of Nintendo, Waluigi. Here’s a guy who only shows up in video games when it’s convenient for him (Mario Sports, Parties, and Kart Racers) despite the fact that no one plays as him anyway (Pranger’s Note: I ALWAYS play as Waluigi. ALWAYS). Now, if I could just make one request: let’s all stop our hating for two minutes, imagine we’ve never heard of the character before in our lives, and just take a good look a him. His picture is right up there. I’ll wait…

…

See? He doesn’t seem too bad. He’s colorful, expressive, has a fun lanky body, and rocks a mustache that just screams “wicked.” You can tell this guy is looking to do some evil in the most sneaky way imaginable. For a character that has all the making of what could be a great new Mario villain, what happened? Well, it’s been 11 freaking years since his debut in Mario Tennis, and the most evil thing Waluigi has done in all that time is steal the music notes in DDR Mario Mix. Really? Let this be a lesson to you, Nintendo. If you want us to like a character, you got to work for it. Step up your game. Break out the… upside-down inverted L-word.

9. Kameo (Kameo: Elements of Power, 2005)

What can we say? She’s a very “Rare” girl.

In an irresistible pun, Kameo made her cameo in the current generation of consoles as part of the launch line-up for the Xbox 360. And, still to this day, she is one of the few exclusive characters licensed to Microsoft that I actually kind of like. She has the ability to morph into a unique variety of elementally based creatures (like Pummel Weed: a plant with boxing gloves). Her mission is to save her family from her big sister Kalus who is jealous of her powers. That’s right. The big words her mission included were ‘family,’ ‘big sister,’ and ‘jealous.’ Those are very primal and classic situations we all could see ourselves in. Kameo comes to us from the work of Banjo creator, Rare Software (whom you can read all about right here), and while Elements of Power could stand to have a few improvements, it was an overall well-appreciated game with lots of variety, and Kameo, just like her powers, was a fun and unique character. If there were more characters like Kameo and less like Master Chief-wannabes on the 360, I might already own one.

8. Stranger (Oddworld: Stranger’s Wrath, 2005)

Who the Heck is this guy? Did John Marston fall into some toxic waste?

Oh! So the XBox did actually have another interesting character, like Kameo, from five years back… whom they also proceeded to ignore. (WTF Microsoft!) Anyway, Stranger is the result of the team behind the obscure yet well-loved Oddworld franchise. He’s a bounty hunter with a crossbow who uses small fictional versions of animals as ammo (like wasps and boombats). He needs to collect bounties on wanted criminals so that he can save enough money pay for a vital operation that his life depends on (of which the details remain unspoken). There’s also another plot involving Stranger being the last of his kind, a race called Steefs, and a Demon named Sekto who wants nothing more than to see him extinct. It’s also worth mentioning that Stranger has no proper name. In fact, this is one of those “Choose your own alias at the beginning” games, like the Zelda titles. It actually works really well because it entails you to place yourself in the game as the “Stranger,” and trust me, once you start venturing through this Odd world, you will feel like just that. A stranger.

7. Amaterasu (Okami, 2006)

A quite literal instance where Dog meets God.

It wouldn’t be right to do a list of the top underdogs of the decade without including the Sun Goddess-turned-Snow Wolf herself. Okami Amaterasu is easily Capcom’s most groundbreaking and innovative character in years. This character has one of those epic 100-year-old fairytale backstories involving locked away demons, ancient allies, and the ancestors repeating the past, and I do indeed tend to fancy those kind of tall tales. To Game Informer’s defense, they did reference Amaterasu in their article by placing her in a ‘Style over Substance’ list, stating that while she has an amazing visual aesthetic, she’s not compelling. To that I say, “She’s a freaking DOG, and she manages to inspire people, make companions, and develop as a hero as much as Link does in any of his adventures.” Not compelling my butt.

6. Travis Touchdown (No More Heroes, 2008)

Lightsaber? No. THIS is a Beam-Katana. What! It’s completely different!

A 27-year-old, unemployed, Caucasian, male, anime and wrestling nerd whose weapon of choice is reminiscent to that of the Knights of the Old Republic. You know what I think? I’m willing to bet that Suda 51 theoretically put the entire gaming populace of America in a blender, and Travis Touchdown was the outcome. That’s how ominously relatable No More Heroes’ main man feels to me. Touchdown, like Amaterasu, was also on Game Informer’s ‘Style over Substance’ list, stating that “If it weren’t for his saber, Travis would just be some nerd…” blah blah blah, well, that’s what we like about him, Game Informer. He’s supposed to represent the angry nerd in all of us. His simplicity is what makes him so endearing. I especially love how believable his vulnerability towards women feels and how he’s forced to grow out of his refusal to kill female assassins because he’s told that moral ambiguity will get him killed, yet it ironically becomes his saving grace during his final battle.

5. Sly Cooper (Sly Cooper and the Thevius Raccoonous, 2003)

That sneaky devil.

Sly Cooper was like video game’s version of Robin Hood with a little scoop of Jack Sparrow mixed in. Someone who was suave, mysterious, witty, and despite being an expert in theft and con-artistry, an all-around likeable guy who was a gentleman and a loyal friend to the bitter end.

Despite how he looks, his back-story isn’t exactly what some would call kid friendly. When he was 8-years-old, he watched from inside a closet as his parents were murdered by a band of thieves known as the Ferocious Five. When he was sent to the orphanage, he met his two friends Bently and Murray. From there, they grew up to become a triforce of strength, skill, and smarts that would show big time crime lords and their meathead bosses how real heists were pulled, all the while dodging a foxy detective who very much wanted to spend some quality time with the suave Raccoon… in her interrogation cell.

There’s no doubt Sucker Punch has crafted a character like no other, and his clever dialogue is something that romantic novelists can only dream of. Sly has given us three of the best platformers in history, and with the Sly Collection now available, hopefully he may someday quit playing under the radar and reach the gaming masses.

4. Jak (Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy, 2001)

Daxter! You’re cramping my style! Again!

Jak is the missing link between Crash Bandicoot and Nathan Drake. You see, Naughty Dog first created Crash back when the PS1 first came out, quickly garnering fame as Sony’s mascot at the time. Fast forward to this generation: Naughty Dog’s latest protagonist, Nathan Drake, has received numerous praise since the success of Uncharted 2 Among Thieves (he’s character #3 in Game Informer’s top 30 list). But what of Jak, Naughty Dog’s middle protagonist on the PS2? Nowhere near as popular as either of them. Sucks being the middle child, doesn’t it?

But in all seriousness, Jak was legit. I’ll admit right now, none of Naughty Dog’s heroes reinvented the wheel, nor their games, but Jak was unique in the sense that he felt like a different character in each part of his trilogy. In Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy, he’s your everyday silent protagonist in a very fantasy-like setting. In Jak II, a phenomenal amount of events happen to him in the first two minutes, including being warped to the future in a more sci-fi setting, getting arrested, and being pumped with Dark Eco in experiments done on him while he’s in prison for two whole years. Needless to say, he’s not the same happy-go-lucky hero when he finally escapes. In fact, the very first words uttered out of this previously silent character mouth are a death threat against his captor. That’s nearly unheard of in games, especially since when you consider that it’s in complete continuity with who he was in the first game. As we get to Jak 3, it’s more or less a redemption from his overtly dark and brooding second half, yet his story still had plenty of twists that kept him compelling.

So that’s Jak for you, one of my personal favorites. He may suffer from “annoying sidekick syndrome,” but I’ve heard plenty worse. Besides, no one rocks a goatee like Jak. Just look at it. So edgy.

3 & 2. Ratchet and Clank (Ratchet and Clank, 2002)

Because sometimes, things just belong together.

He was a nerdy third-class mechanic who aspired to be like famous super heroes.

He was an assembly line destructo-bot who developed a malfunction known as curiosity.

He is now the jockey gadget savvy hero of the Solana galaxy and the last of the fabled Lombax race.

He is now the sentient heir of Orvus and the destined caretaker of the Great Clock at the exact center of the universe… give or take 50 feet.

Together, their adventures spawned 9 almost flawless games in 8 years, yet nearly half the gaming community isn’t even aware of them. Seriously, these guys have it all. Platforming? The best this side of Mario. Guns? The most creative weapon system in all of gaming. Puzzles? You’d think Valve made them. Graphics? Pixar Quality Animation. Voice Acting? Best in the business. Writing? Hilarious. Story? Doesn’t come much better. But the absolute best thing about these games is easily Ratchet and Clank themselves: two characters that are both perfectly capable of holding their own franchise, but together become an anomaly. Their buddy cop relationship and sarcastic banter back and forth feels so personal, and for a game that’s usually so lighthearted and funny, the later installments on the PS3 become surprisingly bittersweet. And yet it was still believable though. It never made me want to cringe or make stupid gay jokes. I dare you to watch the final moments of R&C: A Crack in Time and tell me that’s not genuine. Thank you Insomniac.

1. Midna (Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, 2006)

Best. Zelda Character. EVER!

As much as we all love Zelda games, we have to face the fact that they are not character-driven games. They are driven by story and locations. Characters not named either Zelda, Ganondorf, or whatever the hell you end up naming Link, have barely been little more than cardboard cutout exposition dumpers that help you get from point A to point B. Yeah, sure, there would occasionally be a few minor characters with some actual depth like the Skull Kid and the Red Lion, but they are still considered lucky if they make it in two games before disappearing into the world of obscurity.

Then the gates of Twilight opened up, and everything changed.

Midna is more than just a foil to Navi from Ocarina of Time. She is the most original and refreshing thing to grace the series to date. A secondary character, not a part of the Triforce, that becomes the main focus of the story (she’s in the freaking title) and is far beyond 3 dimensional. Her dark sense of humor and sadistic dialogue in the early stages of the game was a welcomed treat, not to mention she was the first and only Zelda character with a handful of actually voiced dialogue. Granted, she spoke Twilight, a language we couldn’t understand, but still it helped flesh out her personality, like when we hear her yawn when she’s board. She’s hardly even a likeable character at first. In fact, if it weren’t for Zelda’s approval, Link probably wouldn’t trust her for an instant. But after a gruesome attack by Zant, Link subsequently saves Midna’s life, from which point she cuts down on the theatrics and slowly warms up to him, confessing what really happened to her in the Twilight Realm. Forget Zelda, Midna was there right by your side, aiding you and struggling with you the entire time. She’s the Twilight Princess, and this was HER story. Not only that, she ended up being more likeable and sympathetic than all the other Nintendo plus Disney Princesses combined, and she did it while looking like some Tim Burton/Tim Shafer inspired Imp thing instead of some typical super hot royalty chick. (Although, I guess she does have a fantastically hot human form too.)

From the way things stand now, Midna is slowly fading into that world of obscurity I mentioned earlier, and much like Skull Kid and the King of Red Lions before her, she may very easily become a one-hit-wonder of the Zelda verse. If that is so, than perhaps that’s what she wanted, and maybe it is for the best. Still, it hurts.

Please don’t leave us forever! I miss you already.

Wow. This has been one crazy decade for games, hasn’t it? Just look at all these guys. We’ve come so far, and these are the ones that were “under the radar.” There are still so many colorful characters out there I have yet to mention. I can’t wait to see what happens to Sackboy and Cole McGrath in the years to come. Wasn’t Max Payne supposed to have a new game soon? Do you think Tingle might show up in Skyward Sword? And who knows? Maybe someday, the blue moon will come and we will finally see Waluigi in a game that’s actually worth something.

Complements to Vermin Star, for the wonderful composition of Midna.

Want to talk games? Have a look at these articles:

-Crash Bandicoot: A Retrospective Part 1

-Hail to The King Baby: Nintendo’s 2010 Year In Review

-My Ten Favorite Game Trilogies

The Good

My best friend!

The very beginning of the year started out very promising with a new IP that’s already become a well-loved franchise: Bayonetta. The story of a witch whose clothing is made of her own hair, wears pistols on her feet, and can put Kratos to shame with her insane fighting combos, Bayonetta is nothing short of amazing to the highest degree.

Right after Bayonetta, Mass Effect 2 burst onto the scene. The first Mass Effect had some problems for sure, but Mass Effect 2 was like a whole new game. Seriously, you’ll find it difficult to recognize the two when compared side-by-side. The important aspect to take away from this is that Mass Effect 2 taught me to love the 360 as much as any other system I own purely because of the exceptional voice acting and dialogue. It has become my go-to example when people ask, “Why do you want to write for video games?” If Bioware decided to make a game around just Mordin, I would have been completely happy.

As we moved on with the year, Red Dead Redemption, just named Spike TV’s Game of the Year (which sort of means nothing), came out and proved that you can take the cars out of Grand Theft Auto, but you can’t take the Grand Theft Auto out of a Rockstar game. Yes, I’m That Guy, the one who thought that Red Dead Redemption wasn’t like GTA 4, it WAS GTA 4 but without cars and modern guns. Not a bad thing of course, otherwise I would have placed this in the “Bad” section of the review. John Marston is one of my favorite characters to appear in recent gaming history, and I really would like to see more with him in it is sure a thing were possible. Red Dead Redemption has a lot of meat to it and a lot to like, so it’s a definite “Good” part of the year.

Halo: Reach. Yup, Halo: Reach. Need I say much more? Let’s just add in Call of Duty: Black Ops to this paragraph while we’re at it. That sounds fair I’d say. Two of the greatest multiplayer First Person Shooters released not just in the same year but within the same month, meaning that you had to choose between either space guns or realistic guns. Regardless, you got a game worth more than the sum of its parts.

The Xbox Live Arcade continued to feed us delicious morsels throughout the year with such standouts as Super Meat Boy (my favorite arcade title of the year) Limbo (a lot of other people’s favorite arcade title of the year), Costume Quest (just won Best Downloadable Title of the Year), Deathspank (hilarious!), Shank (hugely popular or else I wouldn’t have mentioned it), and even a new Mega Man title and a new Tomb Raider title. Oh, and Scott Pilgrim made his game debut this year as well, though to be fair, the PS3 has been getting the Scott Pilgrim love due to Blu-ray. All things considered, even if you’ve been forced to game on a budget things have been wonderful for you.

I do feel the PC has the XBLA for Super Meat Boy beat with this cover.

The Bad

Except not all has been great for the American Giant. 2010 will forever be remembered as the year the Kinect, Microsoft’s controller-less controller, appeared to solidify the casual market of gaming as the true focus of gaming for at least the next few years. Okay, I’m being dramatic, but it really does feel that way.

Just like the Wii before it, the Kinect began its life with games hinged on a gimmick, and that gimmick is, “Whoa, I’m just moving my body and things are happening on screen! Not…exactly in relation to my body’s movements, but whoa!” Most any title that appeared on the Wii has some version for the Kinect, such as Kinect Sports, Kinect Fitness, and Kinect Party.

Just stop trusting this guy. Stop doing it!

The most embarrassing games may end up being the ones that make the most sense for the peripheral in the first place. Sonic Free Riders sounds like a blast in theory but in practice does not work. Let me retype that in case you missed it. Sonic Free Riders on the Kinect DOES NOT WORK. Neither does Fighters Uncaged, a full-body brawler that entices you with the notion that your body as the controller really will work great but once you stand in front of the camera will make you weep like you had to watch your childhood pet put to sleep over and over and over again. Yes, that’s how disillusioned the Kinect has made me feel.

So in conclusion, Microsoft’s 2010 “Bad” section is almost exclusively devoted to the Kinect. Welcome to the Motion Club! It’s a rough ride to the top.

Oh wait, Kane and Lynch 2 and Army of Two…2. Avoid those titles like the plague.

Somewhere In Between

Oh yeah, forgot, Sonic 4 came out to one loud "Meh."

There couldn’t be stellar games and bad games without moderately dull ones, now could there? At the top of my list for a Somewhere In Between title is Medal of Honor. It’s by no means a bad game. It’s perfectly good at what it does, but, uh, hey has anyone been playing this one over Black Ops or Halo: Reach? Just wondering guys. Battlefield: Bad Company 2 is sort of in that same boat as it was a great game…just not great enough to remind people to continue playing now that the OTHER big FPS’s came out.

Castlevania: Lords of Shadow is a title I really want to get behind, but I just can’t quite make the final push to give in and buy a copy. Reviewers were split on whether it was a great reboot of the franchise or if it failed as a recreation of a number of other more popular titles already released such as God of War or Prince of Persia.

The hardest game for me to even think about from this year is Fable III. I want to hate it so badly, but I haven’t played it, so I’m not allowed to make that judgment call, even if it’s pretty apparently I’d hate it due to it being almost the same game as Fable II, a game I want to see fired into the sun for its transgressions. But I digress.

Another sequel that came out to fairly successful reviews but a few critiques was Dead Rising 2. Just like Fable III, if you liked the previous title, you’ll like the sequel, and if you hated the previous title, you’re not likely to find much pleasure in the new release. I haven’t had the chance to play Dead Rising 2 yet, either, but I do actually want to give it a shot, purely because I’m a masochist and can’t help but make every game-playing experience I go through miserable for some reason unknown to me.

Alan Wake, a title a lot of people really wanted to be great, sort of came out and failed to impress beyond the standard, “Oh, that’s okay I suppose.” A lot of its fault comes from the DLC that’s mandatory to progress the failure of a plot. It’s a disappointment if you were expecting it to be fantastic, but otherwise you could very well really enjoy it.

And how could I almost forget Bioshock 2? Well, because a lot of people seemed to forget Bioshock 2. Not a bad game, but it is really hard to follow up a game like the first Bioshock. I can’t wait to play Bioshock 2…as soon as I play all those other really great games first.

Let’s end this section with Dante’s Inferno. I…didn’t see eye to eye with the concept. But I’m not the one who had to play it and like it. There were plenty of fans to do that for me. As a game, it isn’t bad. As a concept it’s the most offensive thing to hit gaming in a while. But, meh, Somewhere In Between.

Looking Ahead

Hurt me Batman! Hurt me so good!

Thankfully, Microsoft is going to have a hell of a year next year with some massive releases such as Mass Effect 3, Gears of War 3, Batman Arkham City, and all manner of sequels ripe for the picking. Granted, a lot of said titles won’t be appearing until late in the year, assuming they don’t just get pushed back for one reason or another, but I for one am happy to know that some really outstanding titles will be waiting for me as soon as I find enough money to support my gaming habit. Still not quite there, but hopefully soon.

One title I’m actually really hopeful for is Fight Night Champion, the first M-rated boxing game from EA. I found myself having a deep connection to Fight Night Round 3, but never really got into Round 4 for one reason or another that may have to do with them changing the controls on me, but Champion promises to be a further tweaking of the already good controls to hit the sweet spot where they can’t get any better. I’m just curious how you get to an M-rating with a boxing title, but I guess I’ll find out.

Portal 2, certainly another huge sequel, actually hits earlier in the year, making it prime for me to gush over. Portal, as everyone already knows, was a randomly unexpected success and generated the “Cake is a lie” quote that some people still think is super funny. The biggest draw of Portal 2 is the inclusion of a co-op mode separate from the single-player mode where you and a fried play as robot buddies that even have the ability to “hug it out” if need be. I’m rather pleased with that and can’t wait to play it with Kyle.

So there’s essentially Microsoft’s 2010 year in a nutshell, plus a little of their 2011, though I know I’m forgetting some big titles somewhere. Oh well, can’t win ‘em all I guess. Microsoft’s arbitrary score for the year? Hmm, I’ll go with a B+ since they had a lot of fantastic games, but come on, Kinect? That’ll take a few points off.

Now let's do it right and really finish the fight.

Want more about video games? Check these articles out:

-When The Weather on Screen is Frightful: The Top 10 Video Game Snow Levels

-How To Lose With Dignity

-How To Game Correctly

-Video Game Rentals: The Poor Man’s Guide

-Ten Ways The Real World Would Ruin Video Game Worlds

This thing should be harmless, right?

Those of you somehow not aware, the Kinect is Microsoft’s new “peripheral” for the Xbox 360, an elaborate camera that can track the player’s movements and translate them into on-screen controls. Basically, the goal is for the player to be the controller. In theory, this is fairly harmless. In practice, this is little more than a gimmick, just like the Sony Move and the Nintendo Wii’s motion controls before it.

I’ve already written about motion controls, so I don’t want to repeat a lot of what I said back then, but right now we’ve moved past simple motion controls. Just look at the big Wii titles this year: Donkey Kong Country Returns, a 2D sidescroller, Kirby’s Epic Yarn, a 2D sidescroller, and Metroid: Other M, a 2D sidescroller. All use minimal motion controls. Even the biggest title of the year, Super Mario Galaxy 2, my personal pick for Game Of The Year, uses the motion controls only as a means to enhance the game’s solid controls. You still move Mario around with the control stick and jump with the A button, but you can use the Wiimote’s cursor to point at Starbits to suck them up or flick the Wiimote to perform an extra spin jump. Overall, the game isn’t hinged on the controller being capable of motion controls.

The Kinect, however, by nature forces every game to cater to the lack of a controller. Joy Ride, a launch title for the new hardware, is a kart-racing simulator similar to Mario Kart. You steer it by putting your hands out and pretending there’s a steering wheel in front of you. You can throw power-ups when you grab them and push your body forward to perform boosts, but by default there is no way to brake. Therefore, the game keeps a perpetual foot on the pedal and hits the gas for you. The reviews I’ve read say that the game works most of the time, but the controls aren’t nearly tight enough to stay competitive next to other excellent racing games that already exist. If given a normal controller, Joy Ride wouldn’t be worth playing at all. This is the definition of a gimmick. The only purpose to play the game is to control it just your body and after that initial “Wow I’m controlling this with my body!” reaction wears off, then what?

It also helps if you're getting paid to jump around.

A number of other Kinect launch titles seem to have the “Simpsons Did It” syndrome, though in this case The Simpsons are replaced with Nintendo. Kart racer, sports simulator, random collection of mini games, fitness trainer, animal companion, crappy Sonic title. They’re all here. It feels like only a matter of time before we see Kinect Music. Simply, the Kinect isn’t treading any new ground here other than removing the controller from the equation.

So what does this mean for gamers who don’t care about novelty titles and want more of the same style of games we prefer? Mostly, nothing. We don’t have to purchase a Kinect to keep playing the newest Halo, Mass Effect, Gears of War, Assassin’s Creed, or what have you. But Microsoft has made it abundantly clear that we aren’t the primary focus of the system anymore. We need look no further than the recent dashboard update to see just who the primary target is now: The Kinect Audience.

FYI: This is the Kinect Audience.

The very first thing that the system now does is boot with the new Kinect logo sequence, doing away with the previous Xbox 360 logo sequence for swirlies and the Kinect branding. Next, despite being a user who has blatantly played numerous titles for the system (as the system can see since I’ve racked up a healthy Gamerscore), I’m forced to sit through a brief tutorial on how to move through the menu. No, it’s not a huge thing, but yes, it is insulting to have my Xbox assume I have no clue what the A and B buttons do. It’s condescending and once more demonstrates the direction Microsoft is taking their system: Away from me. I’m not impressed with a controller-less interface. I don’t get excited at the thought of waving my hand to move a menu screen when I can instantly perform the same action with a button press.

Where does the system go from here? This is a question I’m trying to figure out but I can’t quite answer it just yet. All the basic game types have been covered, save for just more shovelware, so what new games will we see? I’ve read from a few different places that Microsoft plans to make games that utilize the Kinect but also use the standard Xbox 360 controller, a plan that makes zero sense to me since the whole point of Kinect was to eliminate the controller.

Here are the types of genres I can think of that the Kinect can’t currently work with: First Person Shooters, Third Person Shooters, Sports titles such as Madden (unless it’s just a series of mini games), Racing games (Joy Ride and Sonic Riders demonstrated the massive limitations of the hardware), Tight Platformers, Adventure Titles (or any title that requires copious amounts of free-roaming and backtracking). RPG’s, and God of War-style Hack-n-Slash titles. Everything I’ve mentioned requires the player to have precise controls or at the very least the ability to freely move their character. The Kinect hasn’t shown that it will allow that, meaning that every Kinect experience requires the player be firmly rooted in one spot or put their movement on rails.

Seriously, I thought the Wii already showed what sort of limitations motion controls have. Why do we want to limit them further?

Still, there are a few genres that could really benefit from this: Real Time Strategy titles (assuming you can ever be torn away from the winning combo of the Mouse/Keyboard), Fighting Games (if the tech can keep up with the players properly), Boxing Titles (once more, if the tech can keep up), and any title that makes the on-rails aspect enjoyable. I could conceivably see an on-rails title where the player has to perform specific quicktime actions to advance in the game being something really fun, but thus far that doesn’t exist.

It’s important that we look back in time a few decades, back to the 90’s, when Sega used to make video game consoles. While they had huge success with the Genesis and some decent success with the Game Gear, their entire structure began collapsing when they introduced the Sega CD, then the Sega 32x, two add-ons that required you to already own a Genesis in order to play them. To buy a Sega CD meant buying two systems, and then only a handful of games were made for use with the CD technology. The stats were even worse for the 32x, and worse still for games that used both the Sega CD and the 32x. In just a few short years, Sega found itself stretched far too thin and ultimately imploded, resulting in one last chance with the Dreamcast.

From where I’m sitting, the Kinect is just a re-imagining of the 32x, an addition to an already great system. The Xbox 360 is perfectly fine, but now that the Kinect is being pushed as the Xbox’s primary function, everything will be retooled to work best with Kinect. Resources that once were spent making the games for gamers that made the Xbox a success in the first place will be gutted to shift focus to Kinect support. It just makes me sad since it feels like Microsoft is coming out and saying, “Look, thanks for buying our products and all, but we found another group of people to suck money from, so GTFO.”

What this also means to me is that instead of innovating, the video game industry has clearly shown that it wants to go in the direction of “Making Toys.” The Wii came out and while Sony and Microsoft laughed at it, Nintendo just said something to the effect of, “Hey, we’re just doing our own thing, so buy our thing and then worry about the other two systems later.” Fast-forward and the Wii easily outsold the other two combined. Now that we’re at the point where the next systems should be revealed, and I for one am glad they’ve decided not to start the console cycle over again, we’re instead told, “Hey, remember that whole motion control fad? Us too!” Even Nintendo has seemed to figure out that it was just a fad, as I mentioned with their shift in direction toward reviving classic titles, plus the 3DS, a system that’s building itself on classic games over anything else.

So you're telling me for $250 I get a new gimmick and the chance to play tons of my favorites plus new titles? Okay, where do I hand you my money?

Basically, the Kinect does not and will not lend itself to precise controls. At this point in my gaming career I’ve developed fairly good skills and excellent reflexes, so I need my titles to respond instantly and correctly to whatever I input. Any title that doesn’t allow for this precision is only wasting my time, hence why I hated the DS Zelda games. Microsoft needs to answer this question for me: “Why would I want to play a game that has sloppy controls when a controller works perfectly fine?” Right now the answer is a resounding, “Because we told you to.” It’s a gimmick, pure and simple, and a gimmick doesn’t have a lasting appeal.

The Wii’s market is already established, so if Microsoft can poach some of the casual market before they grow tired of gimmicks, so be it. Nintendo’s success with the Wii gets overshadowed with the “They tapped into the casual market!” excuse. Yes, the Wii hit a market that didn’t previously exist, but you’re forgetting another portion of the Wii market that doesn’t exist for the Kinect: Nintendo loyalists. I bought a Wii not because it was the wave of the future but because it would provide me with Mario, Zelda, and Metroid games. The Kinect will not give me any titles I care about, so why should I purchase it? I already own a 360, so I have no need for the gimmicky addition. The Wii’s market and the Kinect’s market are not identical, no matter what anyone would have you believe.

But this is all just me talking. Clearly I’m not the target for the Kinect, but are you? I want to know what you think on the matter. Are you excited for the new hardware? Can you think of great uses for the technology? Leave a comment and let me know. In the meantime, I have more Super Meat Boy to play, and that requires absolute precision with controls, so no Kinect for me.

Want to keep Thinking Deep? Then check these articles out:

-Let’s Think Deep: The Great Zelda Schism

-Let’s Think Deep: The Virtual Utopia

-Let’s Think Deep: The Moral Of The Story

-Let’s Think Deep: Rethinking Remakes

-Let’s Think Deep: Achieving Perfection

When the artwork paints my character as a miserable, bored king, what does that say about the game itself?

Everything Fable III is attempting to accomplish hinges on the biggest new aspect of the game: You play as a king. Or rather, you eventually play as a king. The first portion of the game tasks you with building a rebellion force against your brother and then unseating him so you can step in. During this time, you must make deals with various rebel group leaders that you’ll be expected to keep at some point along the line. As promised, once you sit upon the throne and don the crown, you indeed must act as king of this land. But is it any fun?

Since this is a Fable game, and even more so a Lionhead Studios game, the morality meter is ever present. Everything you do results in some consequence, no matter how minute, that will affect how other characters respond to you or how you look or something along those lines. I thought it was terribly implemented in Fable II, and from what reviews have been saying, it’s about the same here, except this time you act almost like King Solomon as subjects come to you and ask you to give a solution to their problem.

Sorry, I decided to slaughter your family and eat the cake instead.

In theory, this sounds like a fun twist. In practice, there’s about as much room for creative problem solving as there are menu options at a hotdog stand. Most of the solutions have only two possibilities with one clearly being “good” and one clearly being “evil.” For me, this isn’t a choice. If someone comes to me and says, “My employees refuse to work, what do I do?” I will think of something other than, “Bake them a cake” or “Slaughter their loved ones,” which is about as deep as the Fable games tend to get.

Returned is the combat, same as the previous game, and returned is the simplicity of the challenge the combat provides, which is to say there is zero challenge to this game. The penalty for death is practically non-existent, making this a game you can complete with your eyes shut. Sure, you’ll lose experience points, but when the whole point of the experience points is to make you stronger, what’s really at stake? Time? Who cares? Sure, it’ll take longer in a battle if you keep dying, but it balances with the time it’d take for you to grind for experience in the first place. Combat is a wash, so if you want the easiest game possible, here it is.

Pirates. Woo. At least they're not zombies.

It’s clear that Fable III hinges on its writing and voice cast. Yes, the voice cast is good, but the writing is…about as good as Lionhead Studios can do: Passable but unspectacular. We’re getting to the point where some games are really spoiling us with excellent writing and amazing voice actors. This isn’t one of those games. Even John Cleese, playing your butler here, can’t save every clichéd line he spews in the strange replacement for a menu screen. For reasons beyond my understanding, the concept of a menu has been done away with something entirely baffling to my mind, so I don’t even want to talk about it. Reviewers are split on whether it’s a step in the right direction or a strong case for why Fable III is a mess. Either way, it’s pushing me further away from wanting the title.

Yes Fable III, you look pretty. But so do a lot of faces in Cosmo, and I haven't found much substance in there, either.

In the end, I’m still undecided on where to go with this review. Personally, and this is just my perception of gameplay and trailers and promotional material, Fable III looks like a pretentious waste of time and money on a project that isn’t ready to be shipped yet. Outwardly though, Fable III is going to sell boatloads of copies and encourage Lionhead Studios to keep the franchise going. Make your own decision; I’m just here to give my findings.

Want more game reviews? Check these out:

-Monkey’s Life-Changing Trip: A Review Of Enslaved: Odyssey To The West

-Call Of D-Oops, I Mean A Review Of Medal Of Honor

-A Miserable Pile Of Secrets: A Review Of Castlevania: Lords Of Shadow

Let's go gung-ho on some aliens again, why not?

Halo: Reach is a prequel to the franchise. Master Chief isn’t present, but the upshot is that we get numerous Spartans instead, Spartans that can actually remove their helmets and reveal their faces to the camera. This allows the player to get more up close and personal with the characters, similar to ODST, making the story a little harder hitting, especially when you consider that the whole point of Reach is to tell the already known story of how Reach fell to the Covenant. I’m really not spoiling anything to tell you that this entire game, story-wise, isn’t going to end on a positive note. However, the story is still very strong, even for a Halo game, so fans shouldn’t be disappointed there.

Gameplay is largely untouched from previous Halo titles. The health system is reverting to the original Halo style of a rechargeable shield over a depleting health bar, a reversion I say “More power to you, Bungie” since it helps establish these characters’ humanity better to show that they can bleed. Other than that, you’ll see a few new guns, the loss of dual wielding (good), and the return of a pistol that can ACTUALLY kill enemies. Awesome.

Halo knows how to do firefights pretty danged well at this point.

But you’re all Halo fans, you don’t care about the single player campaign. You want to know how multiplayer functions, right? Calm down, multiplayer is everything you want it to be and more. Every game type from the previous Halo multiplayer experiences have returned here, plus a few new ones. Essentially, you’re paying for the biggest, beefiest multiplayer experiences on the Xbox 360 when you’re buying Halo: Reach. It more than justifies the purchase, so we’ll leave it at that.

To round things out, the graphics get a nifty technical boost here, being built from the ground up rather than just reusing previous graphics from older Halo games. If graphics are your thing, you’ll approve of the bump the visuals got. Add to this yet another great musical score and it’s the complete package.

Yes, it looks familiar. Familiar can be good, too.

So, a perfect multiplayer experience and a good single player experience with great graphics and great sound? Yup, that’s Halo: Reach alright. But my review isn’t selling you on this game. I can include an Amazon link as usual, but you’ve already bought the game, so it’s sort of pointless, isn’t it? Halo: Reach is going to be a contender for 2010’s Game of the Year, so keep an eye on it. I, however, want to see what Bungie plans to do next, and more so what Microsoft plans to do with the Halo franchise. We live in an uncertain and exciting future now people!

Want more game reviews? Check these out:

-Samuses Should Be Seen, Not Heard: A Review of Metroid: Other M

-Scott Pilgrim vs This Game Review: FIGHT!

-Why Are You Reading This? StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty Review

We knew Zelda was coming, but what surprises did E3 give us?

This year’s E3 is now over. As you may have guessed, I was not there. That’s not to say I’m completely without my knowledge of things that occurred during this year’s major press conferences. In fact, Other Chris is lucky and naturally talented enough to be an intern for a major game site (I won’t tell you who it is but it’s GameTrailers), meaning he was there and called me every night to give me the firsthand scoop. Utilizing all of my resources, I now present to you the big things from E3 2010.

Microsoft:

Oh look, another SKU of the 360. We really needed one of these, thanks.

It’s sad to say, but Microsoft may have just made a huge fool of itself this year with an incredibly lackluster showing of anything really interesting to its market of core gamers. The past few years it’s gone out of its way to point out how much it’s the “adult” system compared to Nintendo’s Wii. Then of course last year it showed off Project Natal, a version of motion control that requires only your body, similar to Sony’s Eye Toy from so many failed years ago.

Natal has a new name now: Kinect. It pains me to write that, it really does. Granted, it also pains me to see anything associated with Kinect because the games look exactly like you’d expect them to: Stupid. It’s like Microsoft isn’t even trying to differentiate itself from Nintendo either with titles like Kinect Sports and Kinect Party. Wii Fit clones? You bet, in bundles. Nintendogs with safari animals? Kinanimals, or some ridiculous name. That’s right, I won’t even bother to look it up for sure.

Don't these just make you wanna get up and spend $150? Me neither.

But what new games were shown at Microsoft’s press conference? Well, they showed off Gears of War 3, a title we already heard about last month and knew about even earlier. The new Call of Duty game appeared, which looks exactly as you’d expect it to. Once again, it was a title we had seen announced earlier. Same exact thing with Halo: Reach, a game that looks good, but still, we’ve already known about it. Finally, Metal Gear Rising, a game announced last year, was shown again. That means Microsoft showed four titles, only two that are exclusives, and spent the rest of their time pumping Kinect to an audience that couldn’t care less. Oh, and Kinect’s price point? $149.99. That’s a bit steep for the casual market, because the hardcore market sure isn’t going to buy the add-on, not even if they buy the new SKU of the 360, the Xbox 360 Slim. Wow, they’re really not trying to cover where they got all these ideas from, aren’t they?

Sony:

Hey, at least Sony had SOMETHING to surprise fans with, more or less.

The PS3 is slowly picking up some steam, and Sony’s press conference was thankfully better than Microsoft’s, at least a little bit. As also expected, Sony talked about their motion control device, the Sony Move, though it was toned way back compared to how much time Microsoft devoted to Kinect, possibly because Sony saw how badly Kinect was received. Little Big Planet 2 was shown, though don’t forget, that was announced a while ago as well. Will this E3 show any titles not previously shown?

Yes, actually. Sony surprised everyone by announcing a new Twisted Metal game for the PS3, a game fans have been pleading for and still somewhat expected, though not any time soon, making it a nice surprise. Another bit of a surprise was Gran Turismo 5. No, we’d heard about this one years and years and years ago, but Sony finally gave it a release date, which is big enough news. The release date is November 2nd, so we won’t know for a few months at least whether that is subject to change, though I’m willing to bet money that it will.

It's only taken them...I lost count how many years.

God of War has a new sequel for the PSP, another totally expected announcement, Killzone 3 was shown to utilize the 3D elements Sony’s implementing into the PS3 (as long as you have a $5000 3D TV), and a few other minor titles were shown off for the PSP and PS3 alike, but nothing that really stands out. A new feature for the Playstation Network was announced that says there will be a premium service added, priced the exact same as an Xbox Live Gold Subscription. Sony says the current free online service of the Playstation Network will not be changing, but if you pay to upgrade your account you’ll get early release demos, free games, and other things. I’m predicting that companies will begin requiring PS3 owners to upgrade to play more online multiplayer modes than “stock matches,” but this is just my speculation.

Nintendo:

This will be the thing everyone talks about for a while now.

Nintendo won this year, hands down. No way they’ll win next year because they showed everything they’ve had secret for the past few years. Last year was all about the casual market, but this year showed Nintendo franchise titles roll out one by one, mostly thanks to the 3DS. From what I’ve read, and even more mostly from what Other Chris told me, the 3D really works and blows your mind, but it doesn’t come without severe limitations. You have to be at the exact distance and holding the system at the correct angle for the 3D to work, but when it does it freaks you out with how cool it is. The graphics aren’t quite GameCube/Wii level, but they’re still impressive for a handheld.

So with this new system was the announcement of tons of titles, most noteworthy the launch title Kid Icarus Uprising, the Kid Icarus game fans have demanded since the last Kid Icarus game on the Game Boy. Nintendo’s toyed with fans long enough, putting Pit in Brawl, but now there’s a new game and it looks freaking amazing. Definitely a strong-looking launch title.

Okay, ya got me Nintendo, here is my money right now.

But that’s not all. Three more titles coming out for the 3DS caught my eye and got me happy. The first was a remake of Star Fox 64, a game that works absolutely perfectly for the handheld. The second was more hushed, but it’s a Paper Mario game, a series I figured lent itself perfectly to the new system (kind of sad I didn’t get a chance to pitch it first). And of course the biggest reveal: Ocarina of Time MIGHT be remade for the 3DS. Should it? Of course, the more people that play Ocarina of Time the better, plus the graphics even in the teaser demo were a huge improvement over the 64 graphics. That’s just astonishing to me. But remember, Nintendo has NOT confirmed they’re for sure remaking that game, just suggested that it’s a possibility. At this point though, it’ll happen.

Still more awesome titles were shown, such as the Legend of Zelda game we all knew was coming. It’s titled the Skyward Sword and has an art style somewhere in between Twilight Princess and Wind Waker. Personally I think it looks cool, plus I’m a Zelda fan anyway, but I can promise you that fans will be angrily split since the overall graphical sheen looks brighter and happier in tone, a big no-no for fans, apparently. A bit of a surprise was the new Kirby game for the Wii with a really unique art style that looks like yarn. Not much to say, but it’s going to be a game Kirby fans will love. More than the Zelda release, one of the best-received games was Donkey Kong Country Returns for the Wii. It’s being developed by Retro Studios, the company behind the Metroid Prime series, and looks like a return to form back to the SNES titles. Finally, Donkey Kong is awesome again.

Other Big Companies:

Hey, nothing wrong with a little Stormtrooper carnage.

Yes, there are more games to talk about other than just ones from the Big Three, but not a whole lot to go into. Square Enix did their usual thing by showing little pieces of games here and there, such as Final Fantasy IV, an online game they showed last year. Nothing new there, and since it’s an online Final Fantasy game the core fans are generally brushing it aside. Plus, Kingdom Hearts games were mentioned for the various systems, but nothing like the official Kingdom Hearts 3, so I didn’t really care.

EA came out and did its thing by just showing the Medal of Honor game developed by the guys booted off the Call of Duty series…so basically a new Call of Duty game from EA. Seriously, it looked the same to me, but I’m told it’s “better” than Call of Duty. Ask me if I really care.

Ubisoft seems to have given the most embarrassing press conference this year with one awkward moment after another, such as showcasing a DDR-style game controlled by breathing. I know, exciting, right? No, not really. I was happy to hear of a really cool Rayman platformer, but that was it. Nothing else from Ubisoft is worth mentioning unless it’s to explicitly mock them, or so I’m told. All second hand info here.

Totally forgot, Sonic has a new game for the Kinect. Who gives a crap?

Let’s see, other big titles…oh, Mortal Kombat is back and it remembered how to be Mortal Kombat. That’s good news, what with the blood and gore and real fatalities in a game that Mortal Kombat fans are pretty happy with. Infamous 2 was announced and shown with the big change coming down to ice as the primary power rather than electricity. Cool (oh, see what I just did there?!). I’m now racking my brain to think…Epic Mickey, yeah, that finally got shown, and it was pretty…meh, I’ll wait for more interesting gameplay to be shown before I make a real judgment call. Oh! Right! Force Unleashed II! Yeah, looks pretty much like a sequel to Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. Good for them, I guess.

Okay, what more? Goldeneye is getting remade for the Wii, and while it looks interesting, I doubt anyone will really go for it. Goldeneye’s charm is way past gone, so all it has remaining is the nostalgia factor going for it. Ah, but Portal 2, that looks promising. There’s a nice cross-section of the FPS genre with Goldeneye getting remade and Portal getting a sequel at last. Good news for everyone there.

Enough teasing already, just give us the sequel, please.

Alright, I’m out of news to share. A lot more was shown, but this is what stuck out to me. The rest is up for you to see. So now the question is, as it is every year, who do you think “won” E3? I’m voting for Nintendo for all the obvious reasons, but who did you pick? Or was E3 a total wash for you? Leave a comment and let me know. Besides, now that E3’s over we have to start speculating about what E3 next year will be like.

Reggie, I love you, but even you're guilty of some things on this list.

E3 is that big magical event that happens in the gaming industry every year around June and this year it happens to occur on the 15th through 17th. Big games are announced, new hardware is revealed, and a whole lot of stuff that blows our minds hits us like a nuke. But guess what? I hate E3. Every year I get more and more annoyed whenever it comes around. Why? Part of it may be because I’m not there, but more than that it has to do with the Top 10 Things About E3 I’m Sick Off, such as…

10. Games We’re Expecting Don’t Show:

"Can't let you do that Star Fox." "Do what?" "Release a new game, apparently."

If you’re a diehard fan of a series that has a rather large fanbase and E3 comes around, you have some expectations for what you’d like to see. So when the convention comes and goes and something you’ve been waiting for, such as, oh, let’s say a new Star Fox game, ISN’T mentioned at all, things can get frustrating. Especially if this happens year after year. Even worse is when they show a game from your series, but it turns out to be anything but the game you really wanted. New Donkey Kong title? Nope, it’s probably just a Wii-gimmick game with Donkey Kong on the cover. Sad day. But even worse…

9. Games We Don’t Care About Appear:

And then female gamers wonder why male gamers are surprised they stuck around.

It can add insult to injury when Killer Instinct has eluded us again, for reasons that can only be “We didn’t feel it was financially the right time,” but we instead see a lineup of games that exist purely for ignorant parents to purchase for birthdays and Christmas. Yes, I realize that E3 is a trade show and sometimes they’re going to show games that all gamers aren’t going to care about, but when the companies make such a big deal about these titles and even go so far as to throw support behind them, placing them in the same reels showcasing the obviously good games already announced, then it gets annoying. But what could be more frustrating?

8. Endless Gameplay Footage:

After seeing enough footage and coverage and developer diaries for one game, I'm pretty much ready to let Kratos Apollo my head right off.

When I’ve heard about a game I want, that’s all I really need. Just give me a trailer and leave it at that. Mario’s back? Sweet. Oh what? Some website’s scored actual footage of the title from the trade floor? I don’t care. Perhaps this isn’t necessarily E3’s fault so much as gaming websites dumping any little bit of footage from the game onto their frontpage as soon as they get their capture dealies into the AV hook up. A little subtlety never hurt anyone. Don’t show us the opening cinematic of the game, even if we’ve been waiting for years. Just leave SOME things up for our imagination. However…

7. Teaser Trailers:

"Guys, sorry, I kinda need to jet. I just wanted to say hey."

Sometimes, we need a little bit more than nothing. If all you have to offer is a blank trailer with the words “The new game is coming” on the screen, that wasn’t worth seeing. Sometimes you don’t even see a full trailer for the game, but just a few seconds in a highlight reel of games the company says they’re making, maybe. Take Golden Sun on the DS. I’d sure like to know more about that one. How much do we know? Pretty much nothing. This year we’re supposed to hear about the new Zelda title for the Wii, but last year all we were given was a hushed mention and a single promotional image to pine over. Speaking of which…

6. Over-Analysis of Everything:

Video games are supposed to be made for entertainment purposes. Just shut up and enjoy them!

This is another problem with E3 that falls on the gaming sites to perpetuate and annoy me with. When a new trailer or gameplay footage or anything comes out, everyone goes nuts in an attempt to figure out the most minute of detail from a 30-second clip that essentially shows nothing. And of course game companies love this sort of over-analysis for their product because they don’t have to spend any more money on advertising. They just sit back smiling as people approach them with possible solutions to the puzzle and all they do is look coy and say, “Oh, you’ll see.” Now that you mention these important people…

5. Big Names Speaking:

I want to play a game where I raise Molyneux from a fetus to an E3 announcement, just so I can make the moral decision not to let him get on stage.

I can’t listen to Peter Molyneux say anything anymore. No, I don’t think his games are bad or anything, I just can’t listen to him, like most other big names in games, masturbate on camera for the internet crowd by saying his game is awesome, revolutionary, the next step, or all sorts of other crap that won’t be nearly as impressive if he just said, “Hey, we made a game and it’s pretty good.” Hideo Kojima seems to take the stage every year to say something about his new Metal Gear game and “surprise” everyone with the new features and what it could mean. He even went to far as announce his new Metal Gear game at Microsoft’s press conference, making it a possible Xbox exclusive, or so we thought…

4. “Exclusives” Announced:

Remember when this was the best game on the GameCube? Capcom apparently forgot really quick.

There is no such thing as an exclusive title in video games unless the title has been made clearly for the system’s company in question. All Mario games will be exclusive to the Wii and DS, much like all Ratchet and Clank games will be exclusive to the PS3. But everything else made by companies that generally make games for every console will inevitably be released on, surprise, all consoles. This is just a means for those big names in the industry to have something nifty to say at their press conference. Usually these exclusives tend to be exclusive for maybe a year, if even that, before they’re released to the other systems, or quietly mentioned to be a “timed-exclusive,” which ultimately means nothing to someone that buys their games used way after the fact, such as myself. But maybe these announcements aren’t aimed at me, such as…

3. Booth Babes:

"Video games? Ew, no, those are so gross. Just look at my rack and stop asking me questions."

I’m not a feminist or anything, but booth babes infuriate me on a basic level. Why? I don’t like being lied to in any manner. How does this relate to booth babes? Booth babes are placed in companies’ booths in order to draw the crowd to them and promote their games, purely by showing attractive women in chest-popping clothing. The implication is that either these women are just display pieces (which is also bad), or that they have a real connection to the games they’re posing for, and I know that’s not true. It’s the same reason I don’t go to Hooters since I know the waitress flirting with me is only doing so in order to make me give her a better tip. I can’t stand this amount of fakeness thrown in my face, and the degree that booth babes are more or less worshipped at E3, getting articles on gaming sites devoted to them, is sickening. But then again, you can’t have people ogling women without people, so maybe the problem is more closely tied to…

2. Fanboyism:

I hate all the systems for one reason or another by the way.

The fans of the show, or more specifically, the fans of their companies. You can’t utter a comment on a game website about how you like the PS3 without someone else telling them the 360 is better. You can’t mention how you love Smash Bros without someone slamming you over the head with how bad the multiplayer is and how much better it would be online on one of the other two consoles. Every new game for “your” company is looked down on by the elite fanboys of the other systems and vice versa. I’ve never hidden my love of Nintendo, but sometimes I acknowledge that they make some really strange decisions, such as renaming the Revolution the Wii or purposefully not releasing an HD Wii forever. I buy every first-party Nintendo game usually on Day One. However, I play games on my 360 more often because I’m catching up with games I missed, and I don’t play the PS3 much only because I don’t have enough money to buy one myself. None of this matters if I make a comment on Nintendo’s press conference and say, “Man, I really liked their showing this year, I think I’m most excited about what they’re gonna offer,” because someone else will inevitably come back at me with “facts” regarding how their company of choice is better and nothing you say will change their mind, possibly because their company said this next year was…

1. “The Year of the Blank”:

Oh hey, right, that PSP thing was supposed to be really great. How'd that turn out?

This is the single most annoying aspect of E3 or any other press conference held by game companies. Someone important to the company steps up on stage and proclaims at some time or another, “This is the year of our system,” or some variation of this. Sony, we all know this has been your defining fault for a while now. Every year Sony decides that “This is the year of the PS3,” and what happens? It sells okay and the games do well, but it ultimately turns out to be just another year. But that’s the thing about game companies: They talk a lot of @#%&. You can look up quotes from pretty much every company and find something really good that makes them sound stupid and, more often than not, hypocritical. Sony and Microsoft both seemed to hate on the Wiimote, but now they’re releasing their own motion-controls. Nintendo said that gamers didn’t care about online support, but then they released a console that had wi-fi built in. No one is innocent from this, and part of it is just the nature of the convention. They are required to get on stage and assure their investors that they have things completely in control. I get that from a business standpoint. But the conference, ultimately, becomes a spectacle that gobbles the internet and gaming community whole for the better part of a month, both before and after, so when someone makes a bold claim, they really need to have some humility when that doesn’t turn out to be true.

Arg, I think I’m done griping about E3 for now. I won’t be able to escape it completely for the next month, but I can at least show my distain here on a small-time website. What about you? What bothers you about E3 every year? Or do you completely disagree with my list? Do you think booth babes are the greatest thing ever to grace the gaming world? Or that every year really is the Year of the PS3? Let me know with a comment. How else will the world know which company you align with?

How could Rare ever let me down? Or did they really?

My Donkey Kong Country article helped wonderful childhood memories come flooding back into my mind all about the awesomeness that was Rare, the developer that owned the N64 without question. But then I started to think about the state of Rare these days and that fuzzy warm feeling rapidly faded away. If I can be so bold, what the heck happened to Rare? It’s time for a little retrospective and a short history on Rare.

Rare, The Early Years

Rare has ties far, far back. Whether you realize it or not, they’ve been developing games since the 1980’s. Ever heard of Battletoads? Despite how cruel the game could be in difficulty, it was awesome, and we have Rare to thank for that. However, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t until 1994 and Donkey Kong Country when you first started taking note of the company.

Seriously, this is just cruel right here, but still a blast.

Donkey Kong Country changed a lot of things in the industry thanks to the way the graphics looked. It was the first home console title to have 3D rendered graphics, graphics that still look good even by today’s standards. Killer Instinct followed and showed that Rare could appeal to both the kids and the adults in us all. After a few more Donkey Kong Countries and another Killer Instinct, it was time for Rare to take over Nintendo.

The Kings of the N64

The N64, despite having Nintendo’s name and logo branded on it, was Rare’s system. While I loved Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time, Rare had hit after hit after hit coming out throughout he N64’s lifetime. One of Rare’s first big successes on the console was GoldenEye 007, the game I still consider the best FPS of all time. So many hours got logged just playing through every level I possible could as fast as I could. I’ve never been better at a FPS since the days of GoldeneEye.

The enemies...well they weren't brilliant, but they sure were fun to shoot.

It’d been a while since Rare did anything with the Donkey Kong bunch, so when I heard about some new game called Diddy Kong Racing I was intrigued. Taking the basis of what made Mario Kart 64 so great, Diddy Kong Racing diverged with an actual story, numerous challenges, and simply an awesome game. While Diddy Kong appeared again, a few noteworthy characters were first introduced such as Banjo, as well as Conker. We’ll get to those guys later.

I actually really wanted to see full games made around the other characters, but it seemed only Banjo, Conker, and Tiptup would appear again.

In fact, let’s talk about Banjo right now. He’s half of the duo from Banjo-Kazooie, Rare’s take on the elements started by Mario 64. It didn’t copy it of course. Banjo-Kazooie did its own thing completely, establishing a whole world with new characters and rules and everything. I still remember the hype Nintendo Power successfully got me into before the game was even out. I saved for months and when I finally bought the title I did nothing but play it to 100% completion, all by myself. Of course, the ending promised a sequel, so I was entirely ready to get my face melted yet again.

It seemed to take forever for me, but Banjo-Tooie finally came out two years later and I was once again happy to play through it to 100% completion. It was a perfect sequel, adding just enough to make it different from its predecessor. The best add was certainly all the characters. Both titles did a fantastic job of coming up with hilarious and creative characters, plus good dialogue for an N64 title. There was just a lot of magic to the formula it created.

GoldenEye 007 set the stage and Rare followed that with Perfect Dark, an absolutely awesome title. It’s largely considered the spiritual sequel to GoldenEye since the two games play nearly identically, plus levels from GoldenEye were available in multiplayer. Rare was only getting better every title.

And here's where they hit their peak.

I was patiently waiting the true next DKC, and after all my waiting, Donkey Kong 64 finally appeared along with the Expansion Pak for the N64, an add-on that boosted the graphics somehow. For me, Donkey Kong 64 was the perfect game. There were endless variety in worlds, challenges, and characters, plus probably the best final boss fight I’ve experienced in any game since, as well as the best 100% completion ending bonus. I have a friend that has a yearly ritual where he and his twin brother play through DK64 yet again, just because it’s their favorite game.

Something seemed very strange to me though as Nintendo Power had told me about Conker 64 since the N64 was announced. For years and years I’d heard about this other 3D platformer Rare was working on. I even saw screenshots and the like for the game in progress, and I expected it to mostly be more like Banjo-Kazooie, something that didn’t bother me whatsoever. And then one day it just vanished from production schedules. Eventually, it reappeared as Conker’s Bad Fur Day, and oh boy, what a game.

Just look at that disclaimer. How could this game not make every kid want to play it?

Now at the time, I wasn’t old enough to play or even understand Conker’s Bad Fur Day, so I didn’t. I heard all about it, and mostly assumed it was just some filthy game since it was an M-rated game. An M-rated game? On the N64? I couldn’t fathom that. It wasn’t until my freshman year of college that I finally got a hold of a used copy for the N64 and played the game all the way through. And oh boy, what a game.

Conker had gone from being a cute little character like any other video game character to something completely offensive, a move that I applaud Rare for making. If they hadn’t scrapped the first concept, Conker 64 would have just been a mediocre title like all the other Also Rans of the N64. Instead, Conker’s Bad Fur Day is one of the most unique experiences you can have in video games anywhere. Seriously, there’s a segment where a giant poop monster sings to you in a fantastic opera voice. Can’t beat that.

A Falling Out

Still, Conker’s Bad Fur Day seemed to signal a shift in relations between Rare and Nintendo. For years Rare had been Nintendo’s go-to company for all things profitable. And then the GameCube was announced and things just crashed. The first and only Rare-made game on the GameCube was Star Fox Adventures, a random title due to the Star Fox formula getting tossed completely out the window for something closer to a Zelda title. Did it work? Not even a little. Granted, it was all because Nintendo saw Rare developing a game called Dinosaur Planet for the N64 and noticed the main character was a fox. “Hey, why don’t you just make this a Star Fox game?” That was that. A console generation later and Star Fox Adventures came out to confuse the heck out of Star Fox fans everywhere. On its own, Star Fox Adventures would have just been a cool title, but because it was considered a Star Fox game, things got ruined.

I don't know Fox, I didn't think your game was THAT bad, it just wasn't your game, now was it?

It wasn’t long after this that Nintendo axed Rare completely, sending them off to do whatever they liked. Microsoft instantly bought up Rare and turned it into a first-party developer. What games did we see on the first generation Xbox? Grabbed by the Ghoulies. Did anyone play it? Not really.

Since then, Rare has been incredibly hit or miss when it comes to games. They remade Conker’s Bad Fur Day for the Xbox, but it was just the N64 title with better graphics and more censorship, ironically. When the Xbox 360 was launched, two Rare titles were available. The first was Kameo, a game that people generally seemed to like but wasn’t very long, especially for a launch title, a title that’s supposed to justify the purchase of an entirely new system. The other title was Perfect Dark Zero, the actual sequel to Perfect Dark. It was universally panned for being buggy, boring, and just plain bad.

Hey, yeah, graphical updates are nice but not when the original game didn't need them in the first place.

The first really great Rare game came as Viva Piñata, an entirely unique game once again. People that played it loved it. Sadly, it still wasn’t played as much as you’d think it should have been since, well, it was a family friendly game on the 360. We all know where those games are supposed to go, and the 360 isn’t it.

For me, the final straw was Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts for the 360. Finally, a new Banjo-Kazooie game! Oh, it doesn’t focus on any of the elements that made the first two games fun? So it’s all about making vehicles and using them for different missions? And the controls are awful? Yeah I think I’ll just wait for you to try again and give us the game we asked for in the first place.

It's like they had no clue why people liked the first two games.

These days Rare is hard at work developing for Microsoft in all ways possible, what with Rare doing the Xbox Live Avatars and helping a whole ton with Project Natal, as well as releasing XBLA ports of Banjo-Kazooie, Banjo-Tooie, and Perfect Dark. But I’ve got to ask, is Rare way past its prime? Are we ever going to see another undeniably awesome Rare title come out? When are they actually going to give us a new Killer Instinct? Or for that matter, a new Banjo-Kazooie title the fans really want? Or how about the return of Conker?

The heads of Rare from the old days have disbanded at this point, so we’re left with a company that bears the brand name only. Is that enough to keep things going great? I want your input. Do you still have high hopes for Rare or have you moved on to something better?

Oh the lies these kids have told us over the years.

If you’ve been paying attention to the gaming world this week, Sony gave an official name to their motion control add-on to the PS3. While not exactly awe-inspiring, the Playstation Move makes sure you know exactly what you do with it. We’ve known about it for a while, same as Microsoft’s Project Natal, but this week was the first we saw what sort of games were being developed to make use of the new technology. It got me thinking more and more about motion controls. Specifically, are motion controls going to make a difference in games or are they just another gimmick? You know what time it is. Let’s Think Deep.

Don’t Get Caught Under The Hype Train

A few years ago I was working at Game Crazy when Nintendo finally announced what the Revolution would be. When they showed the controllers, I was shocked. I thought, “Are you crazy? That’s just a remote control.” This was right before viewing the video demoing what the soon-to-be-called Wiimote could do. People were swinging it to play baseball, to fish, to attack with a sword, to fire a gun, to do everything. All of a sudden my skepticism caved to rampant excitement, similar to how a kid gets ridiculously hopeful the night before Christmas, expecting the next day to be the best day of his life.

Boy was I excited for these things. Silly me.

You wouldn’t be shocked to learn that I suffered the same sort of post-Christmas feeling after the Wii came out and the motion controls were, gently put, awful. There were definite exceptions to this though. I loved the controls for the bow in Twilight Princess. I felt more in control of that action than every before. And pointing at the screen for various things worked just fine for me. Similarly, Mario Galaxy was designed to implement only the most basic needs, and Metroid Prime 3 made sure the aiming was spot-on for controls. Generally, I was just fine with the controls since the games I played the most on the system, specifically Smash Bros, Mario Bros, Zelda, and Metroid, didn’t slam me over the head with complicated controls, and when they did, they worked. I can’t describe my disappointment with Wii Sports Golf after discovering that it was borderline unplayable, despite how fun Wii Sports Bowling turned out to be.

Years later I’d hear people say that the Wii was nothing more than a waggle-box built for kids, despite the unheard of amount of money rolling in for Nintendo as a company and the placing of it way in front of either Microsoft or Sony as number 1 in the video game industry, something that hadn’t happened in a long time. While I wasn’t surprised to see both Microsoft and Sony announce motion controls for their systems, I was blown away by the warm and almost ridiculous cries from supporters of both Microsoft and Sony claiming that these new implementations of motion controls were the real wave of the future. The only thing I thought of when I saw the demonstration for Project Natal was, “Fool me once…”

Don't even get me started on how stupid Milo is.

Kinetic Dissonance at Its Finest

The real issue I’ve found with motion controls is not the lack of function for the controls. A flick of a Wiimote isn’t a big deal, or even the Sony Sixaxis control when needing to do whatever Sony thought the Sixaxis controls were supposed to do. That’s not the problem. It’s just that these controls are relatively unneeded. I see Project Natal with a camera that can sense where a person’s body is in relation to the game and move accurately as the gamer moves and I think, “Why?” Why do I really need to move? I’ve seen this and it was called the Eye Toy and it sucked. I don’t want to play a bunch of mini-games where I flail around like a goober to knock around pretend balls or destroy pretend buildings. I want to know how this technology will help me play games like Bioshock, Metal Gear Solid, Modern Warfare, Mario, Zelda, Pokemon, God of War, or any game I’d play normally in my day-to-day game playing. Am I ever going to find this technology useful? It’s one thing to have me aim a Wiimote at the screen to simulate a gun, but to aim nothing at the screen? Suddenly I don’t feel all that cool playing my game.

The problem is Kinetic Dissonance. There is a definite disconnect while playing a game where you can supposedly knock over an opponent with a kick but don’t feel any feedback from said kick. Your leg moves but you feel no real contact with an enemy. Your opponent may knock your avatar down, but still, you don’t feel this in the real world. Suddenly the movements of your avatar as they fall to the ground and struggle to get back up are not your own. Think of how big an innovation the Rumble Pak was to games. When your ship exploded in Star Fox 64 the Rumble Pak went nuts. There was something drawing you closer to the physical world of the game. Metal Gear Solid took this a step further by making the controller move using the rumble feature as if a character in the game was doing it with his mind. What does Project Natal accomplish with a controller-less controller?

Did you feel that kick land? Me neither.

Granted, I don’t think Sony’s Move is much better. I am impressed with the concept of the design in which a light-up ball at the end of the controller lights up with a color different from anything else in the background, allowing the Eye Toy to track the colored ball easier. When you move the controller forward or back the Eye Toy can see the colored ball shrink or expand, allowing it to sense depth a whole heck of a lot better than the Wiimote can. I was somewhat impressed, despite the nagging feeling in the back of my head that Nintendo just did this sort of thing with their console and the market for motion controls is somewhat tapped out as well as jaded to the thought of motion controls for their games. I then saw what the games looked like with the Move, and if Motion Fighter is anything to judge the catalogue off of, then motion controls are still a bad idea to base an entire game off of.

I'm sorry, that looks way too much like a Wiimote with a lightbulb attached to it.

Here’s what I’m seeing as the key problem beyond the Kinetic Dissonance thing: Motion controls aren’t terrible when they’re used within a game to accomplish a specific task, but basing an entire game around their use becomes a problem. Mario Galaxy’s use of the Wiimote was based entirely off pointing the Wiimote at the screen to pick up Star Bits and flicking the Wiimote to make Mario do a spin jump/attack. The game didn’t make this the only aspect of the game. Or more simply, Mario Galaxy wasn’t a game that was built to show off the controls. Rather, the controls were forced to fit into the structure of the game. Play a game like WarioWare: Smooth Moves, a decent implementation of Wii motion controls, and you’ll see the shortcomings of having a game built solely around the controls. While some mini-games work perfectly, some are near impossible like the team mini-game where you and a partner have to jump over holes by holding the Wiimote at your side and literally jumping. I could hardly make it work when doing what it said to do (literally jumping), and I could only make it work half of the time by doing it my way (flicking the Wiimote upward). It only succeeded in making me wish the motion controls were better all around.

Yeah, I'd really like not to, but the controls say otherwise.

This is the same sort of problem I see popping up for Project Natal and Move. The first time I become frustrated as a result of the controls not working, the game becomes broken to me. Even Metroid Prime 3 had moments where I’d become aggravated that the Nunchuk couldn’t sense that I had flicked it to rip an enemy’s shield off, causing me to take needless damage in the game. I have to have a game work properly, otherwise the game’s faults begin to show through more and more. You can read about my exploits in Resident Evil 5 to see how broken game mechanics have cost me a genuinely enjoyable experience.

My whole point comes back to the question about whether motion controls are something worth noting anymore or if they’re just something that’ll fade out in a few years. We all saw what happened when the Wii promised us a revolutionary system and failed to deliver on all those promises. Now Microsoft and Sony are hyping us up for their versions of Nintendo’s promises. Where does it end? Are motion controls really that important? I’ll let you be the judge for yourself.

Like Army of Two but a whole heck of a lot better and not at all like Army of Two.

Can anything come along and uproot Modern Warfare from its place as the dominant FPS? For a while it didn’t appear so, but just as Halo was ousted by Modern Warfare, Modern Warfare has been outshone by Battlefield: Bad Company 2. How is that possible? Read on and I’ll tell you.

A Paradigm Shift Once Again

What Modern Warfare managed to do a few years ago was decide how online play would shift for what gamers really wanted. It’s had a good run, but now the play-style is shifting once again and Bad Company 2 is better suited for current trends. Namely, you won’t constantly be spawning into instant death and kills aren’t exactly simple.

The main aspect that people are finding most appealing about Bad Company 2 regards the amount of skill and strategy actually needed when playing online. You simply can’t run around with two shotguns and a riot shield mowing down everyone because you shot first. I watched my close friend Other Chris play a few multiplayer matches and really did see the importance of playing your role correctly. A sniper is failing if they’re attempting to defend a base from the inside with a pistol but doing his job when he’s staked on a rock picking off any advancing enemies. Similarly, an assault soldier is supposed to be hunkered in the base with his rifle aimed at the door, not running around shooting everything.

You try that and you'll get a tank shell in your face.

One big draw for me is the amount of destruction you really can inflict upon the environments. Nowhere is safe. Any building you hole up in can be leveled with enough explosives. Walls can be taken out with a tank round, leaving you completely unprotected. I found it fascinating to witness Other Chris run to his favorite rock, aim, realize a tree is in his way, and shoot the tree in half to give himself a proper view. That just seems cool. You can run up to a fence and knife it to create a hole to shoot through. You’ve just got to play this one smart.

In terms of a single-player experience, there’s nothing to expect other than the usual FPS single-player campaign. There are a few hilarious jabs at Modern Warfare’s expense, but not much else to really make it stand out. The characters are relatively forgettable but the main aspect of the campaign is that it isn’t trying to take itself serious, something that’s very welcoming. However, it has an extremely generous aim-assist that the multiplayer doesn’t have, so playing the campaign isn’t going to prepare you to play online like you’d assume.

No building is safe. Ever.

It is sort of sad that no matter what, Bad Company 2 will be compared to Modern Warfare 2 and as a result some people won’t play one or the other and that shouldn’t be the case. Both games are perfectly good titles, each with their individual strengths and weaknesses. At the moment though, Battlefield: Bad Company 2 has a fresher and much fairer take on the online front, such as really rewarding skill. You’ll get a lot more points for sniping someone across the map than just a few feet away, for example. Essentially, if you loved Modern Warfare you’ll really love Bad Company 2.

Whoa, that looks pretty tight.

Do I love Mega Man? Yes I do. I even wrote about how much I loved Mega Man 2, specifically. Not long ago Capcom decided to bring the Blue Bomber back to his NES roots and copied the style of his original games exactly for Mega Man 9. Everything was just like it was on the NES, graphics, sounds, controls, and even screen-stutter if you really wanted the authentic experience. Mega Man 10 continues this trend, but is it any good?

New Game; Classic Look

In a word: Yes. Mega Man 10 is worth the money you’ll pay since Capcom actually does know a thing or two about making classic Mega Man games when they discover that such an action is rather profitable. Mega Man 9 decided that the best part of the Mega Man games was the difficulty, and Mega Man 10 seems to follow suit. You will die a heck of a lot, even if you’re a seasoned gamer. You’ll probably even have to resort to hoarding energy tanks just to beat the final boss. There just isn’t much sympathy to the non-hardcore gamer.

Except there is this time. Mega Man 10 has an Easy Mode that allows you to play the game with fewer enemies and covers over insta-death pits. The game still won’t be “easy,” but it will be “easier,” and definitely gives you a chance to get better with the controls and the level layouts. It’s nice to see a Mega Man game be a bit friendlier to those of us that enjoy Mega Man but don’t have the same patience our childhood selves had to sit in front of a TV dying all afternoon at a frustrating level.

A baseball-themed Robot Master? Meh, sure, go for it.

What’s actually new this time compared to the Easy Mode is that Proto Man is available to play as from the get-go instead of being downloadable content after release. That’s good to hear since I thought it was kind of lame to have to pay for something that really should have been in the game in the first place. So yes, it’s nice to see it here instantly. You can also download Bass as a playable character at some point though, so there’s something to keep you playing.

The new Robot Masters are the usual fare for the tenth installment with everyone focusing on Sheep Man as the clear standout much like Splash Woman was for Mega Man 9. The boss battles are fun, just as always, and the level design is challenging without being completely unfair, also just as always. This is how a game is designed for the old school fans out there. The story is pitiful, but at least the gameplay is solid.

You can’t do much better than Mega Man 10. It can be downloaded from WiiWare, Xbox Live Arcade, or the Playstation Network for $10, meaning you aren’t really out a whole bunch if you’d really like to play some good Mega Man. The extra Challenge Modes certainly sweeten the deal quite a hefty bit.

Yesterday we shared a pleasant time thinking about Resident Evil 4 and how great of a game it is. All that happiness is now gone since it’s time to talk about Resident Evil 5. I just beat it, and while I thought it was terrible compared to RE4, I couldn’t help but think more about whether the game happened to be, oh how was it put, ‘racist’? Is RE5 racist? That was the topic of discussion last year after people saw the first images of the game and then played it. I never got a chance to have a say until now, so it’s time I chastise the game for being guilty of stupid, not racism. Time for the first installment of the new feature, “Shame on the Globins.”

I agree Emoglobin, they should have known better.

Racism is Bad, But Stupidity is Worse

The issue people took offense to from the trailer was that the game would take place in Africa, meaning that Chris Redfield, one of the whitest white guys ever, would be mowing through black zombies like they were, well, zombies. The overly sensitive cried foul and the gamer population said, “But it’s only a game and they’re zombies!” Capcom, being the ever-brilliant company that it is, heard the reactions and decided to give Chris a partner.

Just one such alternate costume for Sheva. Boy those boys at Capcom are clever.

But not just any partner. No, it would be a female partner. A black female partner. “Ooh,” Capcom seemed to say. “How could we be racist? You’re partnered with an actual African!” Yes, Sheva, the name of your partner, is a black woman. She’s also borderline mentally challenged. No, that’s not fair, even the mentally challenged know basic concepts like, “Do not shoot partner with a rocket launcher,” or, “Help partner when he is dying.” Somehow Capcom managed to swap one stereotype with another. Instead of Capcom looking racist, they look racist and sexist.

Sheva’s character is absolutely vapid. She’s an archetypal video game female. She has a low-cut shirt for no reason, her mouth is always suggesting something involving more than playing video games, and her head is completely empty. She’s usually the first to look confused at any plot point, even when the gamer is able to see right through any “twist” the game may throw.

A twist such as, "Maybe it IS racist."

Here’s an example: Chris is in Africa to find Jill, who he believes to be alive even though he thought she was dead. You are looking for her through most of the game. The new villains are Excella, the archetypal female with an accent that thinks the villain really loves her, Irving, a sniveling waste of space, and a mysterious female wearing a bird-like mask and a cloak. She doesn’t speak, they make a point of never showing her face, and Wesker constantly tells her that she should be interested to see Chris. If you can’t figure out who that character is, I give up on you.

"No don't tell me, I can figure this out..."

Just Resident Evil 4 With Black People and Bad Controls

So if Capcom consciously added Sheva as a means of looking less racist, how could they then make the mistake of including the Wetlands area? “What’s in the Wetlands?” Hold on, let me describe the shantytown of the game’s opening. Poor villagers come out from everywhere to attack you, which isn’t too surprising since the same thing happened in RE4. Yes, they’re black, but this is taking place in Africa, so why wouldn’t the infected population be African? You can say that Capcom is being racist all you want, but they refute the article perfectly fine by saying that the setting is accurate for the plot. I believe that fully.

Then you go to the Wetlands and African zombies in grass skirts carrying spears rush out from huts to blindly kill you. This would be a perfect moment to facepalm.

*Sigh* Idiots.

What makes matters worse is that RE5 is essentially just a copy of RE4 in terms of location. RE4 might even have slightly more variety since it has a huge castle section. RE5 has the shantytown, cliff sides, the Wetlands, some caves, some underground ruins that are in the caves for some reason, a research facility, another research facility or two, and a frigate. Oh, also a volcano just because, but that doesn’t count. RE4 had a run-down village, caves, a swamp area, research facilities, random ruins, cliff sides, and the castle area. The areas are just too similar. RE5 even has enemies recycled from RE4, such as the chainsaw enemies (they do at least look different) and the gattlin gun enemies (they do look exactly the same). The point I’m getting at is that they had no reason to take the game into the Wetlands and even less of a reason to send tribal zombies at us.

What? You're just kidding with me now.

Disappointment Has No Race

All around I’m really just disappointed with the title. When I first saw the trailer I was excited for the new adventure. I thought, “Yeah, Africa is a good setting for this. Africa has a lot of natural danger such as wildlife. I’d love to see some lions or stampedes threaten me.” Instead I fight a lot of black zombies, some spider creatures, some other insect creatures, some big newts, and worm-like masses. I wanted more variety to the game, but I got a lot of repeating of things they already threw at me. I fight a chainsaw Majini and use up all my ammo. Suddenly another chainsaw Majini shows up and makes me fight it multiple times because my partner keeps getting her head sawed off. After fighting two of these stupid and very unfun enemies, I get treated to wave after wave of regular enemies, followed by yet another chainsaw Majini mixed in. Late in the game I have to fight a gattling gun Majini and then soon after two at once. That isn’t fun to me. Hiding behind walks in order to turn and unload all my ammo is not a fun gameplay style. Even after going through the trouble of upgrading my weapons I’m at a loss for enjoyment. I suppose the fun comes after a few playthroughs to build up my arsenal.

Would you like to know at what point the game officially became ridiculous? I fight a bat-bug-monster on a cliff and empty every single bit of ammo I have. I keep setting proximity mines around and my partner keeps getting caught in them. I beat the boss, triggering a cut scene where Chris shoots the bat-bug-monster in the face with his pistol (which is out of ammo), causing it to suddenly register pain in its previously impervious face and slam into a truck, falling off the cliff. Seconds after that someone skids around the corner with a hummer that has two gattling guns on the back, meaning I could have beat whatever the thing was if I had just waited a few more minutes for the vehicle with guns to show up. I hop into the hummer and shoot Majini on motorcycles before fighting an El Gigante. You know, one of those big enemies from RE4. Yup. Shenanigans.

I'm sorry, you're not finding that many shantytown villagers with motorcycles.

Is Resident Evil 5 racist? No, it isn’t, but it is certainly guilty of being stupid. Sheva is an awful character to add to any game, specifically a game that’s been criticized for possible racism. It just becomes difficult to understand what Capcom was thinking when RE5 was in development. In the end, all I can say is “Shame on the Globins.”

I still place this above most other games. Can anything change my mind?

I love video games. I play them frequently (and sometimes write about them, as you may have noticed). I always get excited with every new Mario and Zelda game, or anything that seems to interest me beyond a simple, “Oh, that looks like a fun game to rent.” But when I get down to it I always inevitably say to myself, “Yeah, this is good, but it’s no Mario Bros 3/Ocarina of Time/Final Fantasy 6.” Why is that? I know I’m not the only one to think this way. We’ve got to a point where we’re demanding games replicate our favorites from the past, but when they can’t we throw a fit. Can we ever make a new “Perfect Game?” Let’s Think Deep.

The Problem With Perfection

A good recent game to use as a jumping point here is New Super Mario Bros Wii, a game that borrows heavily from the classic Mario games, specifically Super Mario Bros 3 and Super Mario World. It seems almost like a “greatest hits” from the 2-D Mario platformers. I loved it. I wrote about this on more than one occasion. I stand by my statements. But I didn’t like it as much as Mario Bros 3. Why? Because it wasn’t Mario Bros 3. That’s not a very fair thing to say, but it just didn’t wow me like Mario Bros 3 did when I was a wee child. Perhaps the nostalgic aspect got in the way and forced me to find a qualifier somewhere, so that when I said, “This game is amazing!” it didn’t somehow, in some way, obliterate the memories of my childhood past. I simply can’t allow myself to like a Mario game more than 3, purely because I remember childhood as something wonderful and the world today as something bleak. How can something from a place that’s bleak outshine something from a world that was wonderful?

Can I ever separate this moment from my mind when playing new Zelda titles?

The same problem presented itself when I played through Twilight Princess. I thought Twilight Princess was one of the best Zelda games, let alone best games, I’d ever played. I’d rank it somewhere within my top 15 games of all time. But I couldn’t bring myself to like it more than Ocarina of Time. “Oh wow, this is so cool! Uh, but, Ocarina was better.” Was it really? It’s impossible to tell since at the time of its release, Ocarina of Time was the absolute peak of adventure-style video gaming. It was, to me (and many others), the perfect game. If you’ve never played it before and try playing it now, you might not really agree with that statement. In fact, you may think I’m crazy for ever liking the game in the first place. It just holds so much of my childhood in it that it becomes hard to separate it from what it is and how I remember it.

Retro Is In

There has been a big push from major developers as of late to search back through their “classic” games and find some gold to resell, either in a remake of the classic or in a straight port to one of the online networks. Nintendo hit on a great concept with the Virtual Console, an online marketplace devoted almost entirely to selling us out treasured memories back for a reasonable price. Both the Xbox Live Arcade and the Playstation Network have gotten into this, even offering games from more recent past. One of my best friends is playing Final Fantasy VII for the first time now that he’s downloaded it from the Playstation Network. He’s so devoted to playing it that he’s selling me his other new purchase, Fable II, for $15. Is he liking it? Well, he’s found numerous gripes, of which I can agree with, but he’s still playing it for some reason. It just isn’t as amazing for him as it was for me.

You can download this right now on the Virtual Console for $10. Why haven't you?

Why is that? Final Fantasy VII is regarded as one of the greats, so how can anyone dislike it now? It all has to do with timing. I played it first when I was still relatively new to RPG’s. It was also the first game I played on my Playstation. I fell in love with the characters and really cared about what would happen in the story. The only commitments I had while playing it were to school (which was unimportant to me), and nothing else. I didn’t need sleep so long as I had a mission to do and a Sephiroth to defeat. I was able to look past all the flaws and see nothing but a fantastic game. When I try and play it now I can’t even get myself past the first disc, let alone finish the game.

So back to New Super Mario Bros Wii: People have a gripe with it for failing to be as good as its predecessors. I don’t think that’s quite fair. I especially hate hearing that it’s just a rehash of previous games since it’s a new freaking game with new levels and new power-ups and all that jazz. It’s a new game, just with references back to other games in the franchise. It knows where it’s coming from, but it’s willing to at least try to do something new within the established old. Why? Because fans love this sort of thing. That game has sold millions of copies –MILLIONS- and I have a feeling it wasn’t because people were just settling for whatever they could get their hands on. No, fans snatched it up by the mustache-loads because it was a good game that reminded them of something they loved from their past.

Is this the best selection of bosses you'll ever find? Hard to tell.

Capcom has been perfecting this for a while now, what with their final definitive release of Street Fighter II, a game that pretty much everyone who wanted to buy it already had. Still, it was a big success. They did the same thing with Marvel Vs. Capcom 2. They also tried bringing Bionic Commando into the new age with a big-budget new entry in the series, which ultimately flopped. However, their HD remake of said game was a huge success. A while ago they released a new Mega Man game with 8-bit graphics and an 8-bit soundtrack. And people downloaded it like…well I’ll tell you what that analogy is when you’re older, kids. It did so well that Mega Man 10 has just been announced and will follow suit with the same style and everything. Retro is in. But why?

You Can’t Change The Past

As I said, people can’t let go of their childhoods. A lot of really good games have come out in the past year (Arkham Asylum, Uncharted 2, Mario & Luigi 3, just to name a few), yet none of those will be on any “Best Games Ever” lists. The most recent “new” game to start appearing on those lists is Resident Evil 4, a game that Capcom ported from the GameCube to the PS2 and then the Wii since it had done so well. Final Fantasy XIII comes out in mere days, but will fans place it above all the others? Very doubtful. They’ll find something to gripe about, purely because it isn’t the game they first played and it isn’t the game they first loved. I want to say that Super Smash Bros Brawl is better than Melee, because it is, but I can’t force myself to say it. Something about admitting that the game I spent so much time and energy loving is now inferior is just something I can’t do.

I would gladly be forced to play this game for the rest of my life and only this game. I loved it that much.

And there may lie the problem of creating the perfect game. Companies will never be able to top their most successful games. Mario Bros 3 will still be Mario’s best side-scrolling adventure whereas Mario 64 will be the best 3D platformer period. Ocarina of Time trumps just about every adventure game out there. Final Fantasy 6 or 7 will always be favored over the new titles coming out. Even games that are similar to games in other series will always seem inferior. Shadow of the Colossus was and is one of the best game experiences I’ve ever had. Oops, someone at one point called it the “Zelda Killer.” Silly them, now no Zelda fan will ever love it more than their favorite Zelda title. I went out of my way to hate the game even before it was released on the grounds that it was blaspheming my beloved series. First Person Shooters keep getting touted as “Halo Killers” and so far there have been few to even come close to the mighty throne, with only Modern Warfare being the apparent rightful heir. It seems a surefire way to prevent your game from ever being considered one of the greats is to proudly proclaim that it already is. No one will allow that.

So can we create the perfect game? No, no such game exists. Even the mighty Ocarina of Time has major flaws. No matter what someone makes, someone else will always find a reason to dislike it. It seems to me that the best way to make something near a “perfect game” is to make something unlike anything that’s come before it. Sure, borrow attributes if you need to, but don’t do it so much that people are forced to compare it straight-paralleled to another game. If you can make something without any constraints then it might just excel to new heights. The task of doing that, though, is nigh impossible. You have better luck just staying with what works. Why is it you think Nintendo is so reluctant to create new IP’s in favor of new Mario, Zelda, and Pokemon games? Because people will buy the new games in the franchise no matter what, even if they don’t think it’ll be better than the games they remember. But they’ll always hope.

What do you consider the perfect game? I think Super Mario Bros 3 is as close as one can come to perfection. Ocarina of Time is clearly a favorite of mine as well, but I understand when someone isn’t interested there. But what are your favorites? Do you have a game that you’re certain is perfect? Do you feel that Mega Man 2 got it right and all the games afterward just couldn’t live up to it? Do you think that Modern Warfare 2 perfected the multiplayer standard in a game? Do you believe that World of Warcraft is the end-all for MMORPG’s from now until forever? I bet you know what comes next: Leave a comment. I can’t find out any insight if you don’t give me some. The button’s right there, so use it to enlighten me further. I implore you.

No seriously, you've seen this game before.

I called it. I’d only played the demo for Dante’s Inferno but that was all I needed to figure this one out entirely. Now that it’s been out for a week or so, let’s take a look at Dante’s Inferno as it plays as a game, though I could probably just tell you to go play God of War and get the desired effect. Whoops. Let’s start.

Creating New Games Must Be Hard

As I’ve already pointed out, Dante’s Inferno is absolutely a God of War rip-off. There’s no denying it, even if you want to. The games both have main characters seemingly tricked by dark forces and require you to battle your way through hordes of enemies with hack-and-slash controls and Quick Time Events, ultimately leading to a resolution that entails fighting a god or Satan or whatever.

So for this game, Dante, based off the classic Italian poet of the same name but not of the same anything else, must storm all nine circles of Hell to reclaim his love Beatrice, taken from him by Lucifer for some reason or another. It’s all supposed to be based off of Dante’s Inferno from The Divine Comedy, but we know better, don’t we?

You deserve every ounce of punishment you receive, Dante.

The game does play smoothly enough to be played, and it has a heck of a lot to look at much of the time. The first third of the game throws some truly messed up enemies at you that relate to their respective levels, such as Gluttony or Lust. Problem is, after that these enemies begin showing up again and again in circles other than the ones they make sense in. Right there is where Visceral Games loses its credibility when they say, “We used the poem exactly for inspiration.” No, you got lazy.

What makes this all worse is that the final third of the game consistently throws you into battle after battle on a platform without any real innovation or anything new. You just fight enemy after enemy for the finale stages of the game. That’s not good game design; that’s once again a sign of laziness. And of course the ending leaves itself open for a sequel. Looks like this is going to be a whole franchise if it sells well enough. So let’s try not to let it sell well, okay?

I just can’t get past the game’s two defining characteristics: It’s resemblance to God of War, and it’s use of a classical poem as a backdrop. I realize making games can be tough, and thinking up an original concept is even tougher, but just taking two already successful things with nearly no relation and deciding, “Yes, this is what our next game shall be,” well that just doesn’t work for me.

Maybe you’ll really like Dante’s Inferno, though. It’s not a terrible game. It’s just a game that’s two elements have been done before and done a lot better. Either go play God of War or read The Divine Comedy. Rent this one if you absolutely can’t resist.

You ready for another trip to Rapture?

If you’ve read my Bioshock review, you already know that I like Bioshock. If you read my preview for Bioshock 2, then you know I’m pretty psyched for the sequel. Well, the sequel’s out now, so did it live up to my expectations? There is some good, some bad, and some blah, but let’s save that for another day. Oh heck, why not, let’s do it now. On to Rapture!

Something Old, Something New

As you may remember, the world of Bioshock takes place in the doomed underwater city of Rapture. You got to see a great deal of it in the first game, so you’d think the second game is just gonna ramp up the amount of new areas, right? Uh, there are some new places, but to be honest, the first game sort of has this one beat in terms of atmosphere. Why? Because the first one completely set up a new world. This one just continues on, so there isn’t as much mystery to everything. It’s still great, but the effect of the city has somewhat diminished in a repeat visit.

You get to play as the very first Big Daddy here with all that goes along with that, such as a drill, the ability to walk underwater (which is completely under-utilized), and the choice to either harvest Little Sisters for Adam like in the first game or adopt them as your own Little Sister for a while, a new concept. It’s a good idea, but babysitting the Little Sisters for a while can get somewhat repetitive and, well, dull. Plus, the thought of a drill weapon is great, but it isn’t nearly as fun as it sounded.

Maybe if you were as cute as this doll, I'd have less to complain about.

Regardless of these faults, there is a lot of good to the game. It starts out slow but the later half hits hard and sweet, a good combo. This is an FPS, but the focus isn’t so much on reactionary speed and reflexes so much as just experiencing the world. Even if it doesn’t seem as vivid as the first outing, Bioshock 2 is still fantastic in the story department.

There are a lot of new Plasmids to play with and thankfully a completely new hacking system that happily replaces the monotonous hacking minigame from the first. There are also boss battles with the Big Sister, though it isn’t set up as the seemingly random encounters the pre-game hype lead on. These are scripted story events, but that doesn’t matter: Big Sisters are a welcome addition to Rapture.

The multiplayer, however, can just be done away with. No reason to play it after a single glance or two as it’s just like any other multiplayer shooter except with Bioshock as the backdrop. Forgettable, so just forget it and make this a purchase based on the single-player experience.

And it really is a purchase to make. I’m still big on the mythos behind Rapture, so any new storyline has high standing in my court. Go play this one after you play the first, at least as a rental title. Few other games are hitting this perfectly in the story department, so don’t miss out.

Sequels are just getting better and better these days.

Mass Effect 2 is now out. Do I have much to say about it? Not really. It’s too big of a game, and worse, there’s nothing interesting to talk about. Why? Because the game is top-notch excellent, and reviews about great games all tend to be on the dull side. I have few gripes, but I can at least tell you the main selling points. Should I do that? Probably. Let’s continue.

The game’s biggest selling point is also the biggest drawback for me when it comes to the scope that Mass Effect is attempting to create. Mass Effect 2 is a game that branches off in different directions based on choices you make in the game, but there’s more to it. Did you play the first Mass Effect? If so, your save file will be read by Mass Effect 2 and change the game accordingly, meaning that if you want a true Mass Effect experience you should be expected to play not only the first game but the second game in the series all the way through, creating two alternate play-throughs. What makes this even bigger is the fact that the third game in the series will have this feature as well. Choose carefully unless you have a lot of time to kill.

Man, isn't the future gonna be sweet?

And that’s my only hesitation for the franchise. Mass Effect 2 is well-made and enjoyable what with the combat being improved over the first game and the characters remaining engaging and likeable, but it will take upwards of 40 hours of gameplay to get near some semblance of completion for just the second game alone. If I want to replay the game I have to set aside enough time to play for 40 hours total, plus however long it takes for me to get through the first game. That’s a hefty request, though at least the experience is a good one.

Adult situations Are For Adults Only, Obviously

Parents, you may remember the first Mass Effect getting flack for containing an adult scene with nudity. Yes, there was the option to engage in “certain acts” with some of the female characters, but the acts were neither gratuitous, nor were they tastelessly done. However, they did exist and they exist again in Mass Effect 2. Just be warned that if kids are playing Mass Effect 2 they will be exposed to adult situations, though not before going through a lot of heavy gun-inclusive violence. Take your pick which is worse and parent accordingly.

Overall, as I’ve said, I don’t have very much to say about Mass Effect 2. The consensus between reviewers is that it’s a great game and I’ve been hearing the usual buzz about “Game of the Year” that’s inevitable when a game is universally reviewed positively. Certainly pick up Mass Effect 2 if it sounds like it interests you, though don’t worry about needing the first game in the series as the sequel does allow you to choose what choices you’d prefer were made before you begin. So choose wisely.