Remember, graphics do not make every game better.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time is without a doubt one of my favorite games for the SNES for a number of reasons, the main three coming down to the Turtles being exactly how I expected them to be, the physical contact with enemies feeling so good, and the music turning out to be smack-your-fanny excellent. I played Turtles in Time over and over again. I’d invite friends to play it with me. I knew where every enemy was coming from, how to throw enemies into the screen, and the best strategy for beating every boss.

I’m telling you all this to frame the expectations I had for Re-Shelled when it was first announced as part of the Turtles’ 25th Anniversary celebration, which turned into a crapfest at an alarming rate. Re-Shelled was a project I became very excited about, thinking, “A remake of one of my favorite games with current technology? Awesome!” I expected the graphics to get better, the levels to get longer, and the game to just get deeper and more elaborate. You may be aware of this, but none of what I’d hoped for came to pass.

Immediately upon starting up Re-Shelled, the faintest hint of Ubisoft getting it right dissipates. The music for the title screen begins just as the original game’s title music sounded, but then breaks away to do its own thing completely separate from the source material. My biggest gripe really does come down to the music. The original has one of my favorite game tracks ever, one of my favorite boss tracks ever, and one of my favorite complete soundtracks overall. This new one? Pitiful.

My hopes were at an insane high when the thought of a remake inspired images of the Super Street Fighter II HD remake from a little while back, a game that had a completely remixed soundtrack as composed by Overclocked Remix, a site you may have heard me mention at least once. Were Turtles in Time to get the same treatment, no amount of gameplay tweaks or content inclusions (or exclusions) could have deterred my mind from assuming the title was a complete success. I can and have salvaged entire games on the soundtrack alone.

Take a break here and listen to the stage music from the first level of Turtles in Time for the SNES:

Okay, now listen to the same stage 1 music as it appears in Re-Shelled:

Can you hear the difference? The SNES and arcade versions had a fast-paced soundtrack filled with a lot of high-energy beats. Once again, listen to the boss music from the arcade version:

And now the Re-Shelled version:

They just don’t compare. The original music is infinitely better as it captures the mood of the Ninja Turtles correctly by acting as great beat-‘em-up music. The new tracks are extremely weak, hardly being memorable other than the usual, “Damn, this crappy song is stuck in my head” sort of way. As Other Chris pointed out to me, “It sounds like they’re making fun of the game itself; like they’re acting like it’s all a big joke.”

One last time, the original music from Sewer Surfin’:

And Re-Shelled’s version:

Awful. Just awful. I need something to get that bad taste out of my mouth.

Much better.

I’ve played through the game a total of about five or six times, at least once with each of the four Turtles. They do play differently, mostly from their SNES/arcade counterparts. Years ago, their actions total actions were a basic attack, a special attack that instantly destroyed the enemies it hit, a jump, four versions of the jump kick, a dash attack, a dash-flip-slide attack, the ability to throw enemies into the screen, and the ability to slam the enemies from side to side. Re-Shelled reduces the jump attacks to two, makes the slide special move what happens with you hit your special attack while dashing (thus making it less about skill), and makes the special attacks about as powerful as regular attacks. Taking the “special” out of the special attacks is an odd concept for me. They no longer require you to lose health to use them, but now they’re little more than a “heavy attack” button, not a special attack. You can hit an enemies three times with your special attack before they explode, which sort of takes away the “special” aspect.

Speaking of hitting enemies, everything sounds likes it’s made of wet sponges. The SNES version delivered a definite “thump” when you smacked an enemy, and an even bigger “smash” when you used a special attack or completed a combo of regular attacks. Taking away this sense of power causes the Turtles to sound weak and, frankly, uninteresting.

Even worse, the controls got worse now that you have full range of motion. Instead of just attacking to the left and the right, you are capable of attacking in all directions. Rather than allowing for greater accuracy, it causes you to swing away until you manage to hit something, making the best strategy in every encounter come down to “keep mashing the attack button until every sponge explodes.”

Even rocks are made of sponges in this game.

One thing that I found incredibly odd was that every Turtle had a different voice actor. Okay, that alone isn’t odd. What made it odd is that while every Turtle had a different voice actor, they all had the exact same dialogue. This made sense as a limitation in the classic versions as the same voice played every time a Turtle said anything, but here it once again just feels lazy. The Turtles themselves don’t even have that many lines of dialogue. They say, “Shell-Shocked” when knocked out, “My toe, my toe!” when they stub their toes, “I feel sea sick” when spin around, “Cool off, suckers” when hitting a fire hydrant, “My nose!” when they smack their nose on the annoying planks in the pirate ship, and “This cave is creepy” when they fall down a manhole. That’s about it other than “Pizza time!” and “Cowabunga!”

They took the time to find four different voice actors to give varying personalities to the Turtles, so why waste yet another great opportunity for a better game by just having them all repeat the same dialogue? For instance, “Cool off, suckers” can still be Raph’s line, but Don can say, “Hope you can swim,” Mike says, “Take a bath, stinky,” and Leo will say, “You need to chill out.” I spent about ten seconds writing out perfectly acceptable dialogue for the various Turtles, but that was too much time for Ubisoft. Let’s try again with “I feel sea sick.” Mike can say that when spun, whereas Don says, “I’m gonna hurl,” Leo says, “Treated like a top,” and Raph says, “What goes around, bub.” Am I over-simplifying things? Am I missing some complicated aspect needed for writing at Ubisoft? Why not just have every turtle say, “This game’s a disappointment!” every time they do anything. That’d be more honest.

I’m not a fan of the new versions of the Turtles as made popular by the new cartoon and the CGI movie, but I accept that they have to look that way now. I can’t hog the Turtles’ appearance just because I knew and loved them when they were an 80’s cartoon. But I wouldn’t mind seeing them return to the proportions seen in the original comics with longer limbs and necks as opposed to the stubby-headed things we have now.

These Turtles. I want a game with these Turtles.

This goes double for the bosses of Re-Shelled. Every one of the bosses receives the “Poochie” treatment here, making them darker and edgier without retaining their original charm. Fans can see through reimaginings of characters and understand when they were made by people who have no clue what made the characters memorable to begin with. Leatherhead, the gator boss from the train stage, originally had a vest and a hat, plus he has a Cajun accent in the show. Re-Shelled gives him the standard gruff voice and gets rid of his hat. In addition to this, when you beat him he just falls over like he had a heart attack. In the original game he fell off the train, sounding like he gets run over. Simple goofy charm is what I want, and yes, getting hit by a train is goofier than having a heart attack, something too many of us can relate to on a personal level. Other bosses just get stupidly short, like Tokka and Rahzar, who are now shorter than the Turtles, thus reducing their intimidation factor to zero.

I was also hugely surprised the version not favored for source material was the SNES version, the one that had more bosses and an extra level. Why not? The boss from the Prehistoric level of the arcade version was Cement Man, a dull blob that didn’t really do much. The SNES version had Slash, one of the cheapest but most difficult bosses from Turtles in Time. They went with Cement Man for Re-Shelled. The SNES version added the Rat King as a boss for Sewer Surfin’. Re-Shelled omits a boss fight for Sewer Surfin’ (and calls it “Sewer Surfing” instead of leaving out the ‘g’ when speaking). The SNES version had a level in the Technodrome that led to a fight with Tokka and Rahzar, then changed the place they’d usual show up (the pirate ship) with Bebop and Rocksteady. Re-Shelled doesn’t have an extra level and neither Bebop nor Rocksteady make an appearance. I’m just, sort of sad is all.

This is a remake! Just because you’re playing off the original doesn’t mean you have to adhere strictly to the nostalgic factor! I get that every Turtle said the same thing in the arcade version, specifically saying “Cool off, sucker,” but you don’t HAVE to do the same thing here. Give me a reason to want to play the remake over the original game other than, “Well, the graphics are cooler, and it’s online now!” I played the game online a few times and hated it as characters were skipping around the screen, bosses were regaining health at random intervals, and players were getting insta-killed by seemingly nothing.

My biggest complaint just comes down to the music, yes, but after that I’m disappointed we didn’t get more levels. The limitations of the SNES and arcade versions prohibited dozens of levels, instead giving us an opening level, a street level, a sewer level, a Technodrome level (SNES version only), a prehistoric level, a level on a train, a level on a pirate ship, a level on hover boards, a level on a space station, and a final boss fight once more in the Technodrome. That represents about six time periods, including present day. Here’s what I would have added:

A level in feudal Japan with Foot Soldiers dressed in samurai armor riding horses. The boss of the level could have been the shogun panda from the toy line.

A level in the snow and ice, perhaps during the ice ages. Make the boss fight against Groundchuck and Dirtbag.

A level on a WWII battlefield with bombs going off, tanks rolling past, and General Tragg fighting you at the end.

A level during the Middle Ages through a castle as Foot Soldiers get catapulted into the action, boiling oil get poured as a hazard, and end it with a fight against King Lionheart, another action figure from the toy line (that’s where Metalhead came from anyway).

A level from a post-apocalyptic world that takes place half in a ruined city and half underground, culminating in a fight against a Triceraton.

C'mon. Dooooo it.

Once more, am I asking for too much? Am I way out of line requesting even a hint of something new from a game remade in the year 2009? When the SNES version has more content (besides the extra level and bosses, it had specific time trials, a sparring mode, and the ability to change the appearance of the Turtles from cartoon colors to comic colors), what’s even the point of trying to compete? Why not just release that version with four players and online multiplayer for the Xbox Live Arcade? Sometimes things just don’t make sense to me.

And there you have it, 2011’s first Bad Game That Should Have Been Great. I paid about $2 for my download due to an insane Black Friday deal, and even then I wanted a refund. Re-Shelled is that worthless. But maybe you liked it? Maybe it was the exact game you were hoping for? Let me know with a comment. Let’s even turn this into a game: Leave a comment with new dialogue for the Turtles to say. C’mon, we gotta give those voice actors some real work!

Want more on the Ninja Turtles? Check these articles out:

-Go Green Machine! A Ninja Turtle Video Game Retrospective

-Forget-Me-Nots: Mutating Michelangelo

-10 Awesome Ninja Turtle Action Figure Outfits

Still as awesome as the day I got him.

Ninja Turtles were just a thing I knew and loved all throughout childhood. I worshipped the four ninja teens like they were rock icons and collected every single piece of merchandise I could come across. Naturally, birthday parties were an event I expected at least one new Ninja Turtle action figure to make an appearance, and while I can’t rightfully recollect the exact date I received my Mutating Mike, I can recall that he became invaluable within my life.

The reason behind this was his added range of motion over the standard “classic” Michelangelo figures. Classic Michelangelo could move his arms up and down, and his legs were connected to his body on pivot joints, but other than his head moving side-to-side and his wrists having twist joints, he couldn’t move in any elaborate fashion. That’s where Mutating Mike had the advantage: His shoulders were pivot joints and his feet could bend at the bottom of the shin, meaning he could pose like he was swimming, diving, leaping, kicking, or all sorts of other moves.

Oh look, he met a fellow mutant.

The way I played just demanded more from him in terms of range-of-motion. I had plotlines within my toys, but most of those plotlines eventually broke down into all-out brawls. Dragonball Z overtook the majority of the main characters, like a whole squadron of Buzz Lightyears invading the toy room, but Mutating Mike stayed the center of all the action, thanks in part to those extra ball joints at his shoulders and hips, as well as his flipping feet.

A few of my favorite plotlines included the Turtle Blimp dangling Mike from a rubber band, leaping off a giant cliffside (my bookshelf), and deciding to quit the hero business altogether until the very last second, ala Peter Parker in Spiderman 2.

I guess they were able to work out their differences well enough. Good for them.

I even had a Mutating Donatello from the same line, but he was relegated to the sidekick role alongside Mondo Gecko. Why? I was never quite sure. I had a plotline later on where Mike was prepping Don to take over as the main character should he die for one reason or another (an army of Majin Buus were a looming threat), but Don just couldn’t fill that hero role well enough, therefore Mike was brought back in to save the day.

He was the leader of all my toys and should they wander around my room when I’m away, I have no doubt Mutating Mike is the one up on the box with a loudspeaker in hand instructing the other toys what to do during the next move. Goku’s probably standing nearby trying to teach the other toys how to transform into a Super Saiyan, but Mike will just roll his eyes and remind Goku that he’s a toy. A Japanese toy, but a toy nonetheless.

Fitting in with the new generation may be a challenge though.

Want more Forget-Me-Nots? Check these out:

-Forget-Me-Nots: Tie Fighter

-Forget-Me-Nots: My Lone Ranger Action Figure

-Forget-Me-Nots: My Daredevil Action Figure

10. Triceraton:

A space triceratops? Oh boy, this is gonna be a good lsit!

An anthropomorphized triceratops is pretty cool, but give him some powerful looking blasters and metallic body armor and we’re set for a winner. I had a Triceraton in my collection of action figures and found it to be a perfect villain character since it looked tough and could fling Turtle figures using its horns. Also, anyone who read the original Mirage Comics run of TMNT can attest to how brutal the Triceratons can be, so what better foe for the Turtles to battle? Also, you could pop off his tail, leading to some epic battle wounds. Sold.

9. Hothead:

Why don't we get this amount of detail on kids toys anymore?

I’d never heard of Hothead until Tournament Fighters for the NES, a staggeringly bad fighter with pitiful few fighters and terrible controls. Of the seven fighters, one was Hothead, a dragon. I was never lucky enough to get the Hothead action figure as a kid, but just look at him! It’s a dragon action figure! That’s sweet! And from the looks of it he’s a shogun-style dragon, giving him a classy quality. This is a figure that could work as both a friend or a foe, or even neither, making it versatile. Really though, any figure could go either way, and that’s what made these Also Rans so needed.

8. Doctor El:

Ah yeah, let's hear it for crazy ideas turned into great toys!

We jump from a dragon to an elephant? Yup, and he’s a witch doctor at that. Late in the action figure line was a breeding ground for some truly bizarre additions to the Turtle clan, allowing something as strange but perfect as Doctor El here. It’s the concept here that sells me on the figure, as a witch doctor is a unique character to throw into the mix of already strange characters. Now I had a reason to take Safari Mike into the jungles, or more specifically, I had either an ally or an enemy for him to fight once he got there. Plus, just look at that headdress. Pure win.

7. Monty Moose:

I would totally join the Mounties if Monty was real.

Like the Triceraton before him, Monty Moose was a beast of a figure with antlers. True, seeing a moose dressed as one of the Mounties is incredibly silly, but it resulted in an action figure with vibrant colors and striking features, so I was totally okay with it. Besides, a moose was absolutely not the first option you’d think of for new animals to mutate, so having one appear and be excellent was a treat. Now the mountain-related missions had a perfect addition to the cast, and with action figures, more is always better, no matter how silly the combination.

6. Ray Fillet:

He's like a manta super hero!

Oh yeah, this guy was one of my favorites as a kid. Let’s begin with the name as a starting point for why. Just say “Ray Fillet” a few times. Doesn’t it feel good to say? Okay, maybe just me as a kid, but then comes the second aspect of the figure: He’s a manta ray and therefore has something resembling wings. Sure, mantas are most at home in water, but I didn’t let that stop me from saying Ray could glide through the air on occasion. I even had a Turtles book with this side character appearing, and it was one of my favorite books just because I hardly ever saw the other characters appear, so it was always a treat when they did.

Yet another character who could have survived on his own.

5. Mondo Gecko:

This epitomizes the 90's.

Skateboards! Yes! The majority of my plotlines revolved around Mike and his trusty sidekick, Mondo Gecko, fighting the Foot Clan all by themselves and foiling Shredder without much trouble. The Mondo/Mike team-up made so much sense to me back then and just as much sense to me now seeing as how Mondo appears very much like the outward appearance of Mike’s personality, assuming Mike was a gecko instead of a turtle. Mondo would stand atop his skateboard and cruise around, even gaining flight when it felt like the right thing to do. I have pictures somewhere of me adding Mondo Gecko to Turtle scenes, purely because I considered him the Fifth Turtle instead of that lame Venus chick that showed up in The Next Mutation.

4. Usagi Yojimbo:

Go read Usagi's original comics! They're just as good as TMNT comics!

If you haven’t read any Usagi Yojimbo by Stan Saki, go rectify this error right now. You’ll see a Comic Book Club about the series soon, but for now, SAMURAI RABBIT! Usagi Yojimbo is what makes the Turtle action figures so great, allowing for a crossover to happen mid-comics and then yield wonderful action figures as a result. Usagi is a ronin who travels the land kicking all of the butts with samurai skills, and here is no different. It really is tough to think of something cooler than a samurai rabbit. How can that be topped?

3. Space Usagi:

"AHH! I LOVE MY LIFE!" -Childhood Chris

How about a SPACE SAMURAI RABBIT?! Once I got Space Usagi I felt that Shredder was no longer fit to be an ultimate villain character, at least not while Space Usagi upstaged him in dramatic capes and helmets. He even came with a carrot gun. That’s just- there are no words for how great that is. I’d spend hours just looking over the standard Usagi and then to the space version, noticing the differences and similarities. Pretty much this was just a reskinning of the other version but I didn’t care, Space Usagi was radical.

2. Fugitoid:

The most versatile robot this side of Rosie.

But then along came a robot with attachments galore. Fugitoid first appeared in the comics alongside the Triceratons as an intergalactic fugitive on the run for…something or another, I forget what. In my day-to-day plots, Fugitoid was just a seriously cool robot with a chest that opened up, allowing you to plug in a blaster to the open chest cavity. In fact, you could place the special chest blaster in the chest, plug in his other accessories to the pegs jutting from his arms and legs, and still allow him to hold a space pistol. He also moved unlike any other figures I owned, making him feel special for some reason. But even Fugtitoid couldn’t quite live up to the single greatest figure ever created in the Ninja Turtle toy line.

1. Ace Duck:

Seriously, U of O should drop Donald and use this as their mascot.

He’s a duck. With a bomber’s jacket. And a removable pilot’s hat. And a revolver. And a belt with egg grenades. And he has wings. WINGS. What have I said about action figures that can fly? I hate heights, but I could never get enough of toys that I could make fly using just minimal effort via imagination. Ace Duck looks like he should have had his own comic series, TV show, and action figure line. I want to know more about this character. I only saw him once in the cartoon, and that shot was little more than a TV cameo. I wanted more! But sadly, I’d never get more, save for the adventures I invented in my bedroom. Ace Duck gets my seal of approval for Best Action Figure Ever.

See how awesome Ace Duck can be with a little imagination?

So which figures did I leave out? Did you have some favorites from the classic toy line that you played with over and over again? What about Genghis Frog? Or Metalhead? How about Wingnut? Tell me your favorites. In the meantime, I think it’s about high time Ace Duck flies again. Away I go!

Want more articles about action figures? Check these out:

-The Toys Are Back In Town Yet Again: Toy Story 3 Toys

-I Am Still Iron Man: Iron Man 2 Toys

-Creating My Own Sagas: Dragonball Z Action Figures

And a huge thank you to The Virtual Ninja Turtle Museum for their help with images and a clear archive. I wouldn’t have been able to pull off this article without them!

10. Slap Shot Leo:

Turtles participating in sports? How absurd!

The Turtles had a bunch of figure lines featuring them in sports uniforms along with the appropriate equipment to go along. Slap Shot Leo was a figure I was totally into as a kid because hockey seemed really cool to me, even more so that Leo had ice skates on. Haven’t I made it pretty apparent before that action figures with some mode of built-in transportation are cool? Ice skates were cool to me. And even better, this is hockey we’re talking about, so it would make perfect sense for Leo to go straight from the game to busting heads, assuming it’s not within the same game. Go hockey!

9. Raph, The Magnificent:

Abra kadabra, and now your nose is BROKEN!

If we remember my Ridiculous Turtle Action Figures list, I placed Mike dressed as a clown pretty high. He was terrifying on some strange level, but Raph The Magnificent is the opposite: He’s awesome on some strange level. Perhaps it is the rabbit concealed in his hat. Perhaps it is his rockin’ mustache. Perhaps it’s just seeing a Ninja Turtle with coat tails. But on the most basic level, these are ninjas we’re talking about, and adding magic only functions to make them better at being ninjas. Raph with the power of illusion only makes sense in some glorious universe.

8. TD Tossin’ Leo:

The NFL would be so much cooler if there were more ninjas actively playing.

Coming from the same figure line as Slap Shot Leo, TD Tossin’ Leo is even more aggressive, even missing a bunch of teeth and wearing a ripped-up jersey. It’s clear that he plays full-contact football, none of this two-hand-touch crap. Suckers got smeared when Leo picked the long bomb, and though we never got Runningback Mike or Defensive Line Don, Leo was enough to suffice the violent sports urge all young boys had and most never grew out of. Even cooler: he came with a full helmet. The more accessories the better, and an easy-on, easy-off helmet was more than welcome for a TMNT action figure. I don’t know who’d win in a fight between TD Tossin’ Leo and Slap Shot Leo, but it’d be a good fight.

7. Power-Punchin’ Rocksteady:

Moma said knock you out. Also, mama was a rhino, so she knew these things.

Immediately upon seeing Rocksteady decked out in boxing gear my brain jumped to Punch-Out!! Boxing, yet another sport, is also a sport based ENTIRELY around beating the ever-loving crap out of your opponent. Sure, matches can be decided on a point system, but no one remembers those as fondly as matches won with a TKO or a referee running in and saying, “No more or he’ll bleed out of his ears!” Strapping boxing gloves to Rocksteady’s mitts only allows him to punch harder, sending Turtles sprawling. He’s like King Hippo, Balrog, and TJ Combo mixed into one excellent rhino-shaped package!

6. Safari Michelangelo:

Gold star if I get through this caption without making a lame Australian joke. And success!

Truth be told I probably wish I’d grown up in Australia. I have no clue why, but I love the accents and the outback outfits. What the image up there doesn’t show are the various accessories Mike had to go with his outback safari, the best of which was probably a huge gun connected to a water-filled backpack (shaped like an angry monkey of course), which when squeezed sprayed water at whichever enemies seemed to really hate water. Hey, Shredder wears a bunch of metal, and that stuff rusts, so sure, water works. He also came with a hunting knife, a bit of a shock to me. It was shocking because most times any Ninja Turtle came with a knife or a gun, it’d be shaped like something wacky. In this instance it just looked like a real knife. Sweet!

5. Creature From The Black Lagoon Leo:

Who knew that the creature from the Black Lagoon was actually just a turtle?

Not one but two action figure lines came out with Turtles as Universal Studios Monsters, and of the eight produced, Creature From The Black Lagoon Leo is the best. Really, all he looked like was a further-mutated Ninja Turtle, but I was all for it. Bigger hands for smacking and red eyes for glaring made this a must-have for me. And I never owned it! What a disappointment my childhood was! Oh well, at least I owned the four remaining figures on this list.

4. Pro Pilot Don:

Fighter pilots are awesome and nearly extinct. Enjoy them while you can!

Of the two Mutant Military series released, the first was immensely better seeing as how it had Raph dressed as a green beret, Leo decked out in Desert Storm attire, and Mike sporting the naval look, machinegun-toting bird in tow. But those three paled in comparison to Pro Pilot Don, a figure that came with a pretend parachute that strapped to his backpack. It looked pretty simple, but using my superior childhood imagination, I imagined that the parachute allowed him to fly. And as the rule goes: Flying toys are always better than non-flying toys. Also included was a helmet with a breathing mask, just like he’d wear in a fighter jet. Oh, and each Mutant Military figure came with a miniature American flag. Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?

3. Pterano Don:

He comes from a prehistoric land down under. ...Oh wait, dang it!

What’s the rule? “Flying toys are always cooler than non-flying toys.” Pterano Don is what you get when you mix Donatello with a pterodactyl, meaning that Donny gets huge wings and a head that looks like he can rend metal like a can-opener. Pterano Don is a beast, pure and simple. I played with him so much that one of the wings fell off and I had to reattach it/play less roughly with my super awesome Ninja Turtles. He was even quite a bit larger in stature and height than all the other Turtles figures I owned, making him a more commanding presence in the ongoing plotlines my homemade series would endure. Just looking at the other figures in the line, all of which were crossed with dinosaurs, only Don stands out as a really cool action figure. The others feel lacking. Except maybe mixing Shredder with a tyrannosaurus, though that only really succeeded in making him look like a Street Shark reject.

2. Cave Turtle Raph With Tubular Pterodactyl:

Please take note of the mask on the pterodactyl, because the pterodactyl is also a ninja.

Yes, more flying toys and yes, more pterodactyls. The Turtles had a series where they were prehistoric in nature and rode around on happy-go-lucky dinosaurs Flintstones style. Once I got Raph I was all set as he came with the pterodactyl, making every adventure he starred in comprised of 95% flying and 5% getting to his pterodactyl so he could continue flying. Eventually the harness strap broke off the pterodactyl, meaning no turtle could really ride him anymore. I was more or less fine with this and allowed him to stand alone as his own character, talking and wisecracking just as you’d expect. So what could possibly outdo two pterodactyls in a row?

1. Super Don:

The greatest thing ever! Too Much Awesome!

Try adding Batman to the equation. Yeah, that sure does spike things in the awesome department by a wide margin, doesn’t it? Of this series, Don was garbed in Batman-like attire whereas Mike looked vaguely Superman-esque. Both were great, but Don came with a wrist-attached baterang-launcher (it was fake but it looked cool). I played like it was a grappling hook, a laser, and a stun gun, and each time I loved it more. But could he fly? Yes, whenever I felt like allowing him to fly. This is just one cool toy, the likes of which we may never see again.

These are just ten of dozens of awesome outfits the Turtles have worn over the years. Do you have a favorite that I didn’t mention? Leave a comment and let me know. In the meantime, I need to figure out a way to craft a Super Don outfit in time for Halloween. Excelsior!

Want more Ninja Turtle articles? Check these out:

-Forget-Me-Nots: The TMNT Pizza Power Board Game

-Go Green Machine! A Ninja Turtle Video Game Retrospective

-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Best Action Figures Ever

10. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time Trilogy:

That sexy prince and his lack of shirts. Oh Dastan, you rogue, you.

This is the only trilogy on the list that I haven’t completed, and for that I’m very sorry. I have, however, played the first two parts of the Sands of Time trilogy and recognize that unless there was some sort of colossal failure with the third installment (I’ve heard it’s better than the second part), this trilogy is awesome. What Sands of Time does well is platforming. Combat, yeah, the game didn’t need combat, but when enemies take a break and Dastan puts his sword away for an extended period of time to allow himself to parkor around the room, the game vibrates with excellence. It does become apparent why they needed a time-reversing mechanic though: Some jumps the camera doesn’t feel like showing you are downright unfair and require trial-and-error to complete. That’s why the Sands of Time trilogy falls to the number 10 spot. Still, go play at least the first game, as Gus has already told you.

9. Super Mario Land 1-3:

In a series already known for weird, Mario becomes even weirder.

If you’ve played the Super Mario Land games, you know that the third title is actually the first Wario Land game and doesn’t star Mario. Let me explain myself here because this is one of the few instances where Mario platformers have some sort of continuity with plot. In Super Mario Land, Mario hears that a princess named Daisy is in trouble in a nearby kingdom called Sarasaland. He heads over to save her from an alien named Tatanga, then returns home to his castle in Mario Land, only to find it taken over by Wario. As it turns out, Tatanga appears as a world boss in Super Mario Land 2 as we learn that Wario paid Tatanga to distract Mario long enough for him to take over Mario Land. After Wario’s defeat, he heads out broken and penniless to find more money and build a castle of his own. At the end of Super Mario Land 3, Mario makes a quick cameo to steal a large status of Princess Peach away from Wario. This is the only time we get some sort of a sense of a greater narrative at work within the traditional Mario games. Plus, the platforming is spot on here. Each game plays completely different and offers a ton to do, so it makes for an excellent trilogy.

8. Resident Evil 4 (GameCube, PS2, Wii):

As a game with three releases, it's still better than the new Star Wars trilogy.

No, stop, I can explain this. How am I counting a single game as a trilogy? Well, it’s a single game that’s been released three times and each time it changes slightly. When Resident Evil 4 first appeared on the GameCube, it completely overhauled the Resident Evil series and restored a lot of its credibility. The controls were nearly perfect, as was pretty much all of it. Time passes and Capcom decides to release a version of RE4 onto the PS2, complete with new content, adding to the experience and making me want to play it again. I still consider the PS2 release the dark chapter in RE4’s trilogy as it was meant to be on the GameCube and only the GameCube, plus the new features only punished me for buying it on the GameCube in the first place. But then the final chapter in this saga, the Wii version, came out and righted all of the wrongs. The controls became even better than before, all the content from the GameCube and PS2 versions returned, and new content showed up as well. Each playthrough on each system will offer something different, making this one heck of a trilogy. I’m cheating. I don’t care. This is my list.

7. Mega Man 1-3:

Of all the men you can pick from, this one is the megaest.

While you may decide that any series that has more than three games doesn’t constitute a trilogy, I disagree. Bottom line, three things in a row that pertain to one another are a trilogy, therefore the first Mega Man trilogy stands way, way out as a great set of three games. The first Mega Man title introduced a way to play that would cause ripples throughout games from then on whereas Mega Man 2 and 3 would take the premise and perfect it, offering some of the best NES gameplay moments you could find, as well as some of the greatest music of all time. Then Mega Man 4 just sort of…was there. And 5 followed suit, as would all the rest. If you need a perfect example of all that was Mega, Mega Man 1, 2, & 3 are prime examples of where to start.

6. TMNT 2-4:

"Look! It's the genre best suited for our series! Let's go!"

“Hey Chris, you can’t have a trilogy of games that go 2, 3, 4!” Yes, actually, I can. How can I do this? The three TMNT console titles in question were made by Konami, whereas the first TMNT game was made through Konami’s sub development studio, Ultra. The games play entirely different between TMNT and TMNT 2, doing away with the sidescrolling platforming in favor of a beat-‘em-up play style that fit perfectly with the TMNT brand. TMNT The Arcade Game demonstrated a full knowledge of the property being worked with, allowing gamers to fight multiple characters directly from the actual show. TMNT 3 added even more characters and a pretty cool situation to boot. But it wasn’t until TMNT 4 that things hit a peak and remains to be topped. Traveling through time is fun enough, but implementing controls that just feel right and a soundtrack that’s to die for pushes things to a whole new level. Seriously, why can’t Konami, or I guess now Ubisoft, figure out how to recreate these Turtles games the right way? Please, no more Reshelled.

5. Paper Mario 1-3:

Don't let cuteness fool you into thinking these aren't awesome games.

I loved Super Mario RPG and like most fans, I wanted a sequel. I never got that sequel, but I did get Paper Mario, a title I was immensely skeptical of. I was so sure that it would suck that I scoffed every time I read something about it in Nintendo Power. But then it came out and I played/loved it. The humor was engaging and the battle system, while intensely simple, was fun. Next came Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, a title that took all the concepts of the first game and improved upon them, adding more humor and spectacular characters. Super Paper Mario closed things out with a new direction, taking the series out of the RPG genre and placing it in platforming. And once more, the characters and humor got even better. I’m still surprised that Super Paper Mario managed to spoof video games while not actually being a terrible video game itself, as seems to be the case with tons of games recently (Max Hazard, The Simpsons Game). There have been reports of a 3DS Paper Mario title, so the trilogy is about to become a full saga, but for now you have three games that play for the gamers.

4. Super Smash Bros:

Also, Lucario has been reading my DBZ Technique Guide.

Fan service is an art form that Nintendo knows inside and out. Taking this vast skill of the Nintendo fan, Super Smash Bros was created, a series I’ve already said a lot about. But just think of how excited kids were when this was first announced. “All your favorite Nintendo characters in one game that anyone can easily play and master.” Joy! Then to follow it up with a mind-blowing sequel? More characters, more levels, and more everything? JOY! And then do it again but harderer? JOYGASM! As of now there are no announcements of a fourth title in the series (I fully expect a 3DS installment to hit sometime in the next two years), meaning the three Smash Bros titles we have need to last us. And last us they shall due to the sheer amount of replayability. I’ve played hundreds of hours between the three copies (Melee has the most at this very moment) and I will surely play hundreds more before my games break and I’m forced to purchase them again.

3. Donkey Kong Country 1-3:

That's a monkey riding an ostrich. Do you need any more of a push to play these games?

Platforming gold. Yet another trilogy I’ve written about before, the Donkey Kong Country trilogy is something very odd but wonderful. Perhaps nostalgia is getting the better of me but were these games not phenomenal? Secrets everywhere, soundtracks you could listen to outside of the game, and graphics that showed where the medium was heading all combined to form one epic threesome of games. I’m still unable to pick a favorite of the three due to my enjoyment with each title for different reasons, and therefore I don’t have to pick a favorite, instead opting to lump them together as one massive game with an overarching plotline. And hey! It’s not going to be a trilogy much longer, either! Donkey Kong Country Returns promises to revitalize the series, but even if it doesn’t, I’m perfectly happy with the three titles we already have.

2. Mario & Luigi 1-3:

If I had to choose between the Mario & Luigi series and Super Mario RPG, man would I have a tough decision.

If you own a DS and don’t own at least one of the Mario & Luigi games, I’m not going to talk to you anymore. Nope, not going to. You clearly don’t like games, so you probably have nothing much to say to me. Take everything I said about the Paper Mario games and magnify it by a factor of three. The gameplay itself is incredibly simple, yet it keeps you engaged due to the reflexive nature of timing-based gameplay. You can’t just keep pressing the A button to attack enemies. Instead, you need to time your attacks and dodges to get through battles with minimal damage and maximum pain to your enemies. Plus, no individual can withhold a hearty smile upon hearing Mario and Luigi’s gibberish babble. If you do somehow manage to find it unamusing, go see a doctor right away because you may actually be dead and you’re certainly not a friend of mine.

1. Metroid Prime 1-3:

Rising from the shadows, Samus once again tops a list of mine.

Yeah yeah, I bring up Metroid Prime all the time, don’t I? But when you’re talking about a series as stupidly great as Metroid Prime, cut me some slack. I straight up love this series. I love the gameplay. I love the narrative. I love the music. I love the enemies. I love the weapons. I love the backtracking. I love it all. I want more, and it doesn’t look like I’m ever going to get more since Retro Studios has shifted work to Donkey Kong Country Returns and then whatever else Nintendo sends them off to do. Metroid: Other M sent the series in a direction it can’t really turn around from, so the Prime games I have are the Prime games I must live with. And that’s okay with me since they’re so good. If you can find a copy of the Metroid Prime Trilogy for the Wii, the version that contains all three games with Wii controls, snatch it up right away. Then play them all. Then tell me how much you enjoyed them. I doubt many of you will return unsatisfied.

So there we are, my ten favorite trilogies. Keep in mind that these encompass trilogies I’ve played, not trilogies I haven’t. You may be asking yourself (I mean Gus may be asking himself) “Hey, why didn’t I see Jak and Daxter/Sly Cooper/God of War/Crash Bandicoot?” Because, that’s why. Because I’ve either never played them or I think they’re rubbish (GoW? More like GTFO. Am I right?!). This is where all of you come in. Leave a comment and tell me your favorite video game trilogies. And feel free to break the rules. Think that three games in the middle of a series make for an awesome trilogy? Go for it and tell me right away. In fact, send me three comments just to keep things interesting.

Want more Top 10 Lists? Check these out:

-Top 10 Dragonball Z Relationships

-My Top Ten Favorite Video Game Soundtracks

-10 Pokemon You’d Rather Not Evolve

20. Halo Theme Mjolnir Mix (Halo 2)

Ah yeah, if Halo knows one thing, it's how to instill Halo-based patriotism.

I may not be the biggest Halo fan, but damnit, Halo has some of the best music you can ever hope to hear in gaming. Oddly enough, when Halo 2 came out, I didn’t have an Xbox. So, instead of purchasing the game, I purchased the soundtrack. From there I was hooked, listening to the first track over and over again, imagining what the game itself must be like. I’d wager that without the Halo theme, the Halo series wouldn’t have been as possible of a marketing boom as it turned out to be. Maybe.

19. Tempest City (Blast Corps)

Even though I never played it, the game sure LOOKS cool, I assume anyway.

While I never played Blast Corps, I heard a lot about it. Turns out people either love it or hate it, as seems to happen with most games. Since I never played it, all I have to go off of is the soundtrack, which I’ve listened to a number of times. My favorite track turned out to be Tempest City, and judging from just that one track, I’d have to assume the game was incredibly intense and awesome, like Transformers done right. But I’ll probably never play it, so perhaps I’ll never know.

18. Intro (Banjo-Kazooie)

Hey! Who gave that bear a banjo? Oh his name IS Banjo? That's clever.

Banjo-Kazooie was a game that Nintendo Power effectively hyped to me, promising me the best game I’d ever played. While it wasn’t the absolute best game, it was still incredibly good, and to this day I’ve never been as excited about a game’s release. So when I patiently sat and watched the intro begin, I was delighted to have a bear playing a banjo for me while a witch doctor rocked a fiddle, flute, and xylophone. If the intro alone doesn’t make you happy, brentalfloss’ With Lyrics (not for kids) will put you over the top.

17. Robo’s Theme (Chrono Trigger)

How do games manage to craft robots that I identify with so well? There's witchcraft in there somewhere.

Trying to pick a favorite track from Chrono Trigger is not an easy thing to do. Every track is a good track. And while some stand out more than others, such as the battle with Magus, I have a soft spot for Robo’s Theme, and part of this may be that it syncs up with “Never Gonna Give You Up.” Seriously, it really does. I’m not kidding.

How something that awesome happens is beyond me, but the bottom line results in me loving Robo more than I thought possible.

16. Funky’s Fugue (Donkey Kong Country)

Why do games love to put gorillas in sunglasses so often? Oh well, it works for Funky Kong, so go with it.

I played the hell out of Donkey Kong Country when I was a kid. I still play the hell out of it now and then. So naturally, I’m going to have a favorite track. It was once more extremely difficult to find one or two to pick out as a definitive favorite, but when pushed to it, Funky’s Fugue came out on top. The reasoning here is that I’d hop into Funky’s airplane barrel thing purely so I could hear his music, otherwise I’d never have a chance to listen to that track in the game. Wasting time in a game purely for the music? That sounds like a favorite to me.

15. Setzer (Final Fantasy VI)

Such a dapper man in his coat and fancy outfit. I hope to look that good someday.

Yet again, Final Fantasy VI was a tough one to sift through. I can at least say that I’ve managed to keep this list down to a single song per game, so that amounts to something. But how could I choose which FFVI track to place above all others? While the Opera sequence is good, I’m kind of tired of it. It dawned on me that in my head, I was always remembering the scene as it plays out in the game, immediately followed up by Setzer’s Theme, or simply Setzer as the soundtrack calls it. The theme of the gambling airship pilot always sent me over the edge with glee, so that’s how it gets to top the FFVI tracks. Didn’t break the Top Ten, but not too shabby.

14. Endless Challenge (F-Zero X)

Sadly, no Falcon Punch in the mix, but still good.

I’m cheating and I know I am, but this is my list. Endless Challenge is not actually a track from F-Zero X. It’s far cooler than that. The composers, Taro Bando and Hajime Wakai, crafted a pretty solid soundtrack for the game comprised mostly of remixed themes from the previous game. However, feeling that they were cooler than just that, they released a full guitar remix album of the game’s soundtrack, meaning that instead of MIDI files each track had real instruments kicking our ears in the teeth with rock. I don’t care that I’m cheating, Big Blue never sounded so good. Plus, this was by the original composers anyway, so it totally counts.

13. Rock Solid (Conker’s Bad Fur Day)

You silly squirrel, always gettin' drunk and rocking my socks off.

If you haven’t noticed, Rare games have appeared four times thus far. I’m sad to see the state that Rare is in these days, but back then, Rare had it going on and then some. A somewhat underrated game (insomuch as anything other than complete Nobel Prize-winning praise is not doing this game justice), Conker’s Bad Fur Day was a brilliant sample of work that pushed every boundary the industry had in place, specifically when it came to language. I could easily have placed the song of The Great Mighty Poo on here, but I’m a techno nut, so when a game does a great job with techno, I take notice. Therefore, the background music from the rock peoples’ club, Rock Solid, is one of my favorites. And it’s even over seven-minutes long (my version). Man, did they understand techno or what?

12. TMNT Main Theme (TMNT)

This game is impossible, but the intro music is to die for.

I’ve never beaten the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game, though I’ve tried many, many times. I even tried again at PAX this year. I’ve managed to reach the Technodrome, but never Shredder himself. I did at least manage to make it past the title screen, but that was as far as I ever wanted to go since the intro music is so damned good. I keep hoping someone at Overclocked Remix decides to take up this track and add in some real guitars and drums. In the meantime, I’ll keep putting TMNT into my NES and just setting the controller down so that I can hear this track as many times as I want. Who wants to beat a game anyway?

11. Wily Stage 1-2 (Mega Man 2)

Apparently Wily isn't just an evil genius; He seems pretty competent with music, too.

The track that everyone else assumes is the best Mega Man track, the background music from Wily Stage 1-2, is undeniably epic. It is definitely a track you can point to and say, “Don’t like NES music? This song rocks and you know it.” Every time I manage to get to Wily’s Castle in Mega Man 2, only to be greeted with this track, I get goosebumps. This really is super popular for a reason…but then again it’s only number 11 on my list. Don’t let that fool you! I love me some Wily Stage 1-2, but if I placed it at the top of my list, how interesting would that be? Really?

That’s all for today! Curious what my ten favorites actually are? Come back Wednesday for the conclusion!

Want more lists? Check these out:

-Ten Pokemon You’d Rather Not Evolve

-Ten Games That Work Better As Rentals

-My Top Ten Most Unattainable Toys

This right here was the coolest game I had in my closet.

If you listened to yesterday’s episode of the Too Much Awesome Podcast, you’d currently be jittering with anticipation to learn what my favorite board game growing up happened to be. The time has come and the secret is out. My favorite childhood board game was…the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pizza Power Board Game. Surprising? Not really. Awesome? You bet your sweet bippy it is. So let’s rock!

Sweet Memories of Pizza

I first got the Pizza Power Board Game during the height of the TMNT craze, or rather, the original craze separate from the more recent resurgence. The first cartoon, however, had a much more devastating force on merchandising all around though. There was literally a Ninja Turtles item for any occasion, so it really wasn’t all that strange when a personalized board game came along that included the Ninja Turtles in some way.

The rules were pretty simple, if I remember them correctly. You start by selecting one of the four Turtles to play as, then go around the board trying to get Good Guy Cards, cards that had one of the four Turtles, April, or Splinter on them. They had a rating to tell you how good they were when battling. That number was important because you’d also have to go around the board landing on Bad Guy Card spaces wherein you draw a card, selected one of your Good Guys to fight, and battled. Pretty simple.

Seriously, I need to find this again and play it right now.

The battle system was actually pretty creative for the time. You couldn’t just wander around the board without needing at least some level of skill when it comes to the battles. During a fight, you had a little blue flipper thing that you had to use. How? It had four slots in it; you’d place a die in the first slot, and then try and flip it into the other spaces, preferably the space that had a 3 in it. If you were fighting Shredder, you’d need to have a Turtle Good Guy Card, and then you’d still usually have to hit the 3 space to defeat him.

Now, I’ve been looking around the Internet a bit and I’m getting the sense that this battle flipper thing is what either made or broke the game for most people. Half of the time people think the flipper was really cool, an opinion I share, because it required at least a bit more skill beyond just rolling dice and hoping you got a higher number than the card. This way, you still have to work on getting the technique correct. Regardless, a lot of people hated the game purely because of this feature.

Anyway, dice flipper aside, you had to have defeated at least three Bad Guys and have at least four Good Guy Cards before you’re allowed to take on the Technodrome in the middle, which consisted of basically flipping the dice into each of the three spaces. Nothing too difficult, but nothing overly exciting I suppose. It still worked for my childhood needs just fine.

One thing I always found odd about the game has nothing to do with the way it’s played but rather how the Turtles looked. They looked awesome, and the artwork on the box and the board was really cool, but the color of Michelangelo got me every time. See, the Turtles are typically all the same green color except when they’re action figures. Each Turtle had a different shade of green with Donatello being a brown/olive color. However, the Pizza Power Board Game gave Mike the brown/olive color instead of Don. It wasn’t a big deal, and it never dawned on me until just recently, but it was always in the back of my mind when I played that something was wrong somewhere.

Is it the best game in the world? Nope, not by most people’s standards. But was it my favorite? Absolutely. I’d still play it to this very day if I could find it again. I think it’s somewhere buried in my parents garage, so we can only hope it’ll turn up again someday. Until then, I’ll just have to remember the good times and forget how much the battle flipper sucked.

Yup, the Foot Clan doesn't stand a chance.

This last week my mother came to visit me/clean my apartment and one of the things she was kind enough to bring me, upon request, were my four really cool Ninja Turtle action figures based off the black and white comics. I set them up on my shelf to constantly remind me of my Turtley roots, so I got to thinking about where my two favorite childhood loves crossed paths. I decided I’d like to talk about Ninja Turtle video games today, so sit back and grab a nice cool mutagent canister ‘cause this trip down memory lane is gonna be radical.

Sweet Memories of a Better time

The very first Ninja Turtle game I had the chance to play, as with most kids, was the game simply titled Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the NES. It’s the only Ninja Turtle game like it, and it’s unfairly difficult. If you’ve played it then you already know how tough it can be, and even if you haven’t played it you’re probably familiar with the common knowledge that it’s completely unforgivable. It’s a strictly one-player game but you’re allowed to switch between the four Turtles at any moment to utilize their various weapons. Leo has his katana, which get twice as powerful when he’s at half health, Raph has his sai, which become very effective against later enemies, Don has the all-powerful long-range bo, and Mike is worthless. It always broke my heart but Mike had to be used as the damage sponge since his usefulness otherwise depended on which secondary weapon he’s picked up. The big trick to the game is patience. Anyone could dominate in the game as long as you take the time to max out each Turtle with the scroll weapon, but it’s tedious and takes exactly one forever. I never beat this one but I’ve become progressively better and better each time I attempt it.

By the way, the intro music for this game is one of my favorite video game tracks ever. Seriously, it's awesome.

I still loved the challenge of a good NES game, so when I got my hands on TMNT the Arcade Game for the NES, also known as TMNT 2, I was incredibly happy. It became the standard style for Turtle games from then on since it adhered to the Beat ‘Em Up formula, a genre that works perfectly here. You could finally have a second player join in the fight and the game was at least reasonably beatable, something that I did and did with gusto. I got so good I could beat this one without losing a single life. I was amazing. You just had to know the special attack that destroyed every minor enemy with one hit. Sadly, the Turtles all played exactly the same, just with different skins.

For bosses, it was all about the jump attack. Super cheap but super effective.

While I had played the actual TMNT Arcade Game in arcades as a kid, I never got very far before the difficulty became tremendous. After all, the game was built to suck quarters, and it knew just how to suck quarters. However, the NES version had more levels, so I wasn’t sure which I preferred. It wasn’t until Xbox Live got a port of the arcade game that I was able to truly appreciate the Arcade Game the way it was meant to be enjoyed: with all four Turtles at once. Awesome, despite the problems with lag. I still had a few weeks mastering the game once again, and while I don’t think it’s possible to beat it without losing a life, I’ve gotten quite good again.

It definitely had the NES beat in terms of graphics and multiplayer, hence the decent Xbox Live port here.

The successor to the Arcade Game was Manhattan Project, TMNT 3 for the NES. This wasn’t a port of an arcade title but a game built specifically for the NES. Once again, it was amazing. Konami knew how to treat the Turtles well, something I’m sad to say Ubisoft, the current holders of the Turtle rights, don’t have a clue about, hence why none of the newer games are going to show up in a favorable review from me. TMNT 3 took the style from 2 and pushed it further so that each Turtle did actually play differently and had individual special moves, except now they cost life to use, meaning you couldn’t just spam your way through the game with them. This was another one I never beat but I’ve been to the final boss many, many times. I only wish it’d get an Xbox Live treatment like the Arcade Game, with updated graphics and levels and all that for four players. Oh well.

The jump to the SNES was huge. Turtles in Time, TMNT IV, is one of my favorite SNES games and my absolute favorite Ninja Turtle game since it controls so perfectly. It’s tough to pinpoint what the precise aspect of the game is that makes it good, but the remake doesn’t have it, in case you missed that review. It may just be the soundtrack, but I can’t even come to a consensus with myself which version has the better music between the SNES version and the arcade version. I prefer the SNES version of the game since there are once again more levels, plus a ton of bonus features like Time Trials and the option to change the art style to the comic versions, making each Turtle look a bit different in comparison. Nothing huge, but it was great. Still, the prospect of four-player Turtles is always tempting.

But dang it did you feel dumb when you hit a spiky ball.

My final memory with Turtle games happens to be the biggest stretch for the franchise, Tournament Fighters. I played the NES and SNES version, but I can safely say the SNES version was the best. It was a shameless Street Fighter rip-off, with the various moves assigned to the different Turtle cast such as Don knowing Chun-Li’s Spinning Bird Kick, Leo knowing Guile’s Flash Kick, and Mike capable of the Shoryu-ken, though he calls it “Rising Thunder” in this game. While the four Turtles are obviously playable, as well as Shredder, the other fighters are more obscure, assuming they even appeared in the Turtles catalog to begin with. You have Wingnut, which I know they had as an action figure, Chrome Dome, another action figure and character in the cartoon, and the Rat King, though you had to input a code to play as him. Otherwise the other players are Armaggon, a shark mutant, War, a spiky thing, and Aska, the girl character. The final boss is Karai, a character none of us knew at the time of the game’s release but who has become fairly well known at this point. My favorite aspect to the whole game was the special meter that charged up as you did damage and blocked attacks. When it was full you could unleash your super move, with Mike’s “Dance of Fury” being my favorite since he just bum-rushed his opponent and used every single move he had to beat the heck out of them. It wasn’t a great game, but it had Turtles in it, so I was rather happy with the outcome.

Ninja Turtles in Street Fighter? Sure, I'd buy that, and did.

You may be asking, where are the Game Boy Turtles games? Well, I only played Rise of the Foot Clan, and while I thought it was pretty great, I don’t have much to say about it. I never played the others, despite my desire to do so. Overall, these are my memories, which I write to you as I listen to various Ninja Turtle game remixes and the soundtrack to Turtles in Time. I’ll just never tell you which version of the soundtrack I’m listening to. That’s my secret. Okay, it’s the SNES version. But my memories are running out, which means it’s your turn to talk Turtle for a bit. What were your favorite Turtle games? Did you ever beat TMNT on the NES? Do you wish Ubisoft would just give the rights back to Konami? Me, too.

Haven't I seen this game before somewhere...?

No Ubisoft. This is not how you make a Ninja Turtles game. You had a good concept going for a while. “Take the developers from Super Smash Bros Brawl and have them make a TMNT game to celebrate the Turtles’ 25th Anniversary.” Yes, good concept. But then we get a game that fails to understand what exactly makes Brawl such a successful game: It does justice to the source material.

TMNT Smash-Up for the Nitendo Wii will make you want to play Brawl, pure and simple. You’ll think you’re watching Brawl with new characters whenever you watch footage of gameplay. You’ll wonder when the Smash Ball comes out and what Leonardo will do when he picks it up. Do yourself a favor and just go play Brawl, because there isn’t much to offer fans of either Smash Bros-style gameplay or those in love with the Ninja Turtles. I fit into both categories and I wasn’t satisfied by either aspect.

It’s All About The Characters

Simply put, a game touting a concept like Brawl and the claim that it’s celebrating 25 years of Turtle Power dang well better include exactly one metric ton of characters. Instead we get…16, and three of those are Rabbids. What is a Rabbid? They are Ubisoft’s shovelware mascots, and what they’re doing in my Turtle game is beyond me. One, that’s understandable, but three? When you only have 16 total characters? And you have 25 years of Turtle history to pick from? What, did you get lazy? Did you forget about the entire 80′s cartoon? The movies before the CGI TMNT? The ACTION FIGURES?!

No seriously, I'm sure I've seen this game before?

Playable characters: The four Turtles, Splinter, Shredder, April, Casey Jones, a Foot Ninja, Karai, (Shredder’s daughter for those not watching the current show), Nightwatcher, (Raphael’s alter ego from the new movie), Fugitoid, (from the original comic, the new show, and action figures, so YAY), and Utrominator, (based somewhat off of Krang and his species, the Utroms). And that’s it save for the three Rabbids. No, I don’t consider that a spoiler.

The spoiler is the characters not included by Ubisoft, including Usagi Yojimbo, Bebop, Rocksteady, Baxter Stockman, The Rat King, Leatherhead, Tokka, Rahzar, Ace Duck, Genghis Frog, Ray Fillet, Slash, Hun, Super Shredder, or a Triceraton. And that’s just off the top of my head. That comprises a nice grouping from the original cartoon, the new cartoon, the movies, and the action figures. Ubisoft dropped the ball there, or better yet, they dropped the Smash Ball there.

Plays Like a More Popular Game

So gameplay, let’s talk about it. Gameplay isn’t too pitiful. You will feel a bit like the characters can float too much, but otherwise combat is solid and play control works well. You are able use the Wiimote, the Nunchuk attachment, or just a GameCube controller. Basically, you can use Brawl’s control-scheme. Just like Brawl, “smashing” the control stick with a button press will result in a stronger attack, but the goal in Smash-Up isn’t to knock players out of the ring but rather to whittle their health down to a KO, so a heavy attack will just stun your opponent and knock them to the ground. When you’re knocked down, you’ll stay on the ground a lot longer than you’d like.

Crocodile hazards are never cool, unless they happen to someone other than myself.

Stages are fairly well done. It is impressive to see what every stage does as most stages don’t just have the one area but actually break away to new sections of the same stage, so fights aren’t exactly stagnant in that regard. The only downside is that the stages have borderline nothing to do with the Ninja Turtles. There is a rooftop stage and a sewer stage, a stage with the Technodrome in the background, a stage in a jungle similar to some scenes in the CG TMNT…uh…a Japanese pagoda stage? And that’s about all that connects to the Turtles. Everything else is just…there. Cool stages, like a sinking ship or a train, but what does this have to do with the Turtles? It all came down to Ubisoft once again not using the property to the fullest regard.

I’m surprised Ubisoft didn’t just pick other characters from their popular franchises and throw them in, just to make a Ubisoft-themed brawler instead. Altair from Assassin’s Creed, Sam Fisher from Splinter Cell, the Prince from Prince of Persia, and Rayman from the Rayman series all would have been cool to add. They might as well if they’re going to just toss in three Rabbids for the heck of it.

Yeah I'm sick of this image, too.

If you couldn’t guess, I was extremely disappointed with TMNT Smash-Up. For kids, yeah, they’ll probably enjoy it. For fans of Brawl, don’t worry; this won’t overshadow Brawl in any way. For Turtle fans, sorry, your game still hasn’t been made. This is strictly a free rental game. Don’t even pay $8 to rent it. Make someone else rent it for you if you need to play it, but I warned you, you’ll just want to play Brawl.

Looks promising, doesn't it?

I am a fan of Ninja Turtles.  I am not a fan of remakes. There are some exceptions to each of those rules, but typically they hold true. Turtles in Time for the SNES is one of my favorite Super Nintendo games and for good reason beyond just having Ninja Turtles in it. Turtles in Time Re-Shelled is an Xbox Live Arcade and Playstation Network remake from the 2D sprite beat ‘em up to a 3D rendered cash-in. So let’s get this gravy train rolling!

When I heard that Turtles in Time would be remade for the Turtles’ 25th anniversary I was extremely skeptical. Mainly I wanted to know why they felt they needed to remake an already fantastic game. What’s the point? The game was great, so what needed to be changed? From the standpoint of both a gamer and a Turtles fan, I only had one suggestion: Something new. We don’t get that here. We get some shag carpet tacked over hardwood floors.

Turtles in Time was a perfect combination of all its elements into something greater as a whole. The levels were fun and vibrant, the animations were cartoony and exactly what we’d expect from Ninja Turtles, hit detection was perfect and hitting things FELT good, the game wasn’t overly long or overly short, and the music was slap-your-fanny amazing. I still listen to the soundtrack to both the SNES and the arcade versions every so often because the music gets me that jazzed.

Graphically sound; nostalgically blah.

Re-Shelled doesn’t keep anything from the original save for locations and enemies. Graphically it gets bumped up to include 3D models of everything but in the process all the life is sucked out of the Turtles. Now they look bland and “cool.” When I say “cool,” I’m talking the Poochie-style “Hey kids, this is cool and edgy and you’ll love it” brand of cool that fails to understand the point. Graphics look good but don’t do the material any sort of justice.

The music is gone. It’s been replaced with edgier riffs and mood music. It’s totally forgettable. If they would have just remixed all the tracks ala Street Fighter II HD Remix then I would have downloaded 7 copies of Re-Shelled, even though that wouldn’t have made any sense.

Throw it overboard I say.

Also gone is the sense of good contact when hitting enemies. The original gave up solid contact noises but Re-Shelled has everything sounding like a wet sponge. Not my idea of fun when robots don’t make significant noise when I hit them with a nunchuck.

Re-Shelled is cheap. You can download it for $10, but don’t. Yes, there is 4-player online play, but that’s about the entirety of the good features for the remake. Save your money and go track down the original. It’s not that hard to find and it won’t cost that much, either.

I have this; You want this.

I grew up in the 80′s and 90′s. There will never be a better time to grow up. We got the best toys, the best shows, the best food, and all of that is now gone. And one of the single best things to come out of that era is the concept of a Ninja Turtle.

Sure, the Ninja Turtles are still around, but they’ll never be back to the extent that I witnessed firsthand.  I was there every step of the way as they hit phenomenon status, and I’ll still be there when they eventually fade away for good.

Currently, they are celebrating their 25th anniversary. This means very little for most of you, but you may have seen the classic action figures reissued with the 25th anniversary logo stamped on them bundled with an episode from the original cartoon. I have no need for either of those because I got the Turtles when they were new.

The Best Action Figures Know What Kids Want

The original figures stand at near-perfection next to G.I. Joes. I honestly don’t think we’ll see an action figure line go to the lengths the Turtles went ever again. Over the course of ten years we kept getting new figures for the Turtles, but once you cover the four Turtles, Splinter, April, Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady, what more is there to bring out?

Naturally, vehicles and locations.

The Turtles’ Party Wagon remains one of the finest action figure vehicles ever built. It could carry all the Turtles, had multiple accessories, and could have a figure sit on a spring-loaded seat that swung out. That’s just plain cool.

Seats not just Turtles.

But once you get the basics out of the way, where do you go from there? New variations of the Turtles, such as Leonardo in football gear, Michaelangelo dressed as a clown, Raphael in an army uniform, or Donatello as a D & D style dwarf.

Things just went insane.

I actually have a Farmer Mike figure that came with a tractor. And I loved it. I loved every single new figure that came out despite how absurd they became. Star Trek Ninja Turtles? It happened alright.

As a kid I was able to see past the obvious marketing campaign and just enjoy the figures because every new figure really did feel new. They’d always come with an assortment of weapons and gadgets that were totally different from anything else I’d gotten previously. And vehicles weren’t restricted by sense. Anything could be a vehicle and anything could be a figure. There was nothing too absurd, and that’s the way we liked it.

They don't make things this cool anymore.

The World Changes

Eventually, the original cartoon was canceled, so no new figures for a while. The live-action series on Fox spawned some new figures, but they didn’t last long. I did actually really love the new figures and snatched up the main characters once again. However, they couldn’t pull off variations in the same way. They just didn’t make me want to purchase a Turtle that looks the same exact with pants and a skateboard.

A few more years go by and then another new series comes along. More toys surface and fail to impress me. I’d pick up a new figure and say, “Meh, they just aren’t the same. My originals are better.” The nostalgia factor kicked in so hard that I couldn’t shake it off.

Classic Ninja Turtle action figures hearken me back to a better time filled with Nintendo cereal and Doug and Disney Afternoons and everything that was good and right with the world. A world where toys were creative and made to last.  The new figures are just…there.

A Ray of Hope

I’m happy to say that they have released some new Ninja Turtle action figures that I HAD to buy. Take a look at the figures based off the original comics. They’re awesome; there are no other words to describe them.  I received the set of 4 for Christmas. You can pick them up for a little over $40 at Amazon, though they’re getting harder and harder to find now.

We may never get back to an age where action figures could release the same characters in new outfits and make kids really, honestly want to buy every single variation, but at least there are the classics. You can buy a classic anniversary reissue for around $10 in stores; they are almost cool as the original.

But don’t forget to look at garage sales and flea markets, too. Best figures ever for under a $1. The Golden Age is still out there, but it requires you to go looking a bit.

Oh, and remember: Cowabunga!