We’ve hit our Friday of the week, and at the moment, Kyle and I are rather busy with some big things (we’re recording a separate, legit podcast with a very special guest). That means I’m going to keep today light and nostalgic, which lends itself to a Forget-Me-Nots, the segment Kyle came up with but we haven’t been doing enough with. For today then, join me as I remember one of my favorite toys as a youth: My Lone Ranger Action Figure.
Time for the timewarp. WOOSH! Okay, wavy lines and spacey music just kicked in, and now we’re in Chris’ childhood circa 1989. My grandmother, Grandma Barbara, probably one of the greatest grandmas the world has even seen, had one of the greatest rooms in the world known only as “The Toy Room.” You can probably surmise what was in this room, but for me, one of the coolest items was a simple Lone Ranger toy from even before I existed.
The toy was nothing complex. Lone Ranger’s head could turn, his arms would move at the shoulder (though they were completely loose, so they couldn’t be put up and stay there), and his legs bent at the knee and the hip. Because his joints were so loose he could hardly even stand up, and he was missing his guns or his horse Silver, but for some reason I couldn’t get enough playtime with him.
I ended up taking the Lone Ranger toy from my grandmother, either by accident or design, and incorporated him into my daily routine. The most basic storyline I came up with involved the Lone Ranger and three G.I. Joes I owned, one of which was Lifeline. For the first few months I had the Lone Ranger fight the G.I. Joes until Lifeline became a good guy as well, making him my official Tonto. Does that make sense? Of course not, but I was five.
As time went by, I eventually added more Joes to the mix, always as bad guys. More and more Joes showed up with new powers and such until I got one that looked like Chuck Norris, making him the ultimate villain, far beyond the Lone Ranger’s capabilities. This meant I had to add a new hero character, and because my child logic was unbiased, the only black Joe I had became the new most powerful and therefore coolest character in my storyline. I’d have the Lone Ranger hold back, instead just training the new guy (Lifeline was naturally jealous), until he had to step in and show he was still the strongest, ala Master Splinter. The Joes never did relent, but unfortunately my series was canceled before the final inevitable battle, so we’ll never know what happens.
While the Lone Ranger has become the Woody of my life, I know he’s still there in my closet should I ever decide to finish the fight. But there’s no way I’d ever let him go and pass him down to someone less than my own flesh and blood. Hopefully my son finds him as awesome as I did.